Message-ID: <53134asstr$1140387001@assm.asstr.org> X-Original-To: story-submit@asstr.org Delivered-To: story-submit@asstr.org X-Original-Message-ID: X-Originating-Email: [yotna_eltoub@hotmail.com] From: "Yotna El'toub" Mime-Version: 1.0 X-OriginalArrivalTime: 19 Feb 2006 16:19:23.0407 (UTC) FILETIME=[3EDF51F0:01C63570] X-ASSTR-Original-Date: Sun, 19 Feb 2006 16:19:23 +0000 Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Review 012 The Scarlet Parcel by Bradley Stoke Lines: 118 Date: Sun, 19 Feb 2006 17:10:01 -0500 Path: assm.asstr.org!not-for-mail X-Is-Review: yes Approved: Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories,alt.sex.stories.d Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d X-Archived-At: X-Moderator-Contact: ASSTR ASSM moderation X-Story-Submission: X-Moderator-ID: emigabe, newsman Review The Scarlet Parcel by Bradley Stoke Storyline Bradley's summary: Heather is a single mother living in a pretty cottage in a picturesque English village. After seeing her daughter onto the school bus, she must get back before either Gerry or the postman arrives. The postman is due to deliver a scarlet parcel whose contents Heather hopes will promote Gerry's passion. Merits Bradley excels in giving the feel of an English village, its delights, controversies and prejudices. I grew up in such a village and this is so finely observed I think our author may also have done. Heather, and enforced singleton with a young daughter feels the isolation that only a truly well honed circle of disapproving ex-friends can enforce. Despite this she revels in waiting for Gerry's arrival. Although isolated and disapproved of our heroine (and I use the word advisedly) is not beaten, and she keeps her beloved cottage and life-style at the centre of her pragmatic approach. Demerits Little in reality, the grammar is good and the atmosphere well realised. Atmosphere Marks out of 20 <19> I love it, some of the birds seem a little over abundant, but I'm no 'twitcher' so who knows. I swear he walked through my village, and I expect anyone who has lived in a village would feel the same. Both from the physical surroundings and the sniffy indifference of the 'gossiping' classes. The feeling that Heather is a threat is nicely done. Although it was her partner who up and left, she would be an 'available' and a 'dangerous woman'. You can almost hear the snorts of disgust and hastily muttered comments. Curtain twitching at it's best :-) Workflow Marks out of 20 <18> Very smooth with a lot of depth being revealed in the process, the 'open secret' is well handled and still manages to surprise one at the end. Eroticism Marks out of 20 <16> Well the sex is functional, and stripped of some emotion, but that fits the story superbly well. The story itself revolves around sex, its consequences and the varieties of 'love' one can experience. Heather comes over as a very 'together' woman, pragmatic and sexy in a very post 1960's sense. Mechanics <18> Marks out of 20 As faultless as I have seen, well done. Impression Marks out of 20 <16> I'm a sucker for things that are well observed, so more of this style of Bradley story yes. He can do emotions well if he chooses, but sometime he chooses not to use this as a device. In my case as a reader I miss it. I would actually like to see more of this village and the undoubted hypocisy of the 'gossiping classes'. My experience suggests that sleepy villages have more than their fair share of skeletons in the well-appointed middle class cupboards. I think Bradley loves and hates English villages in equals share, and yes - that is the effect they have on you. Total score 87 Yotties out of 100. Readability guide 00-20 must try harder. 20-40 needs development 40-60 readable 60-80 good read 80-99 should read 100 reserved for my stories :-) _________________________________________________________________ Are you using the latest version of MSN Messenger? Download MSN Messenger 7.5 today! http://messenger.msn.co.uk -- Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated. +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | alt.sex.stories.moderated ------ send stories to: | | FAQ: Moderators: | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |ASSM Archive at Hosted by | |Discuss this story and others in alt.sex.stories.d; look for subject {ASSD}| +---------------------------------------------------------------------------+