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 ---Diary Part one
   by stHell66
   View of a messed up teen masochist, how she will endure pain to serve
her Master.  Some of this chapter I borrow from my other stories: dirty
little diary and my perfect life...Some extreme stuff in this chapter some
underage theme (M/f, Mm/f, pedo, blood, )
   Back to school
   I hope for a better year than last year.  Last Spring was horrible,
Daddy went to jail and I spent the summer in a mental institution for my
masochist behaviors and my suicidual thoughts.  First my Daddy had to go to
jail, I still remember the last thing he told me that "It's your fault"..
and it is.  If I was stronger and not letting him touch me, made me suck
him off and letting him fuck me, maybe I would still have my Daddy?
   Second my masochistic thoughts, I don't remember when I started to hurt
myself, maybe when daddy introducted me to pain.  I was daddy girl, he was
the first one to fuck me to hurt me, to show me the pleasures of pain.  To
me it's normal, as long as I remember, I love pain.  I do still to this day
have to stick a pin (sewing pin or safety pin) in my pee hole before I go
pee, it was Daddy's rules.  And Like the other rules I could not wear shoes
to the park daddy liked to smell and rub his huge cock against my dirty
feet till he came.  He even nicknamed me "Stinky feet".  It was daddy and
mine little secret.  Daddy worked at night or he was between jobs alot.  He
liked that I sucked his cock he would give me a dollar each time I made him
cum.  He even took me out for ice cream after the first time he fucked me.
We had to go though the drive thru, because I bleed for the whole day.  One
of the other rules is I had to sleep with one of the black GI joe's that
Daddy had bought me inside my cunt all night and clean the doll off with my
tongue, in front of daddy as he ate breakfast.  Daddy could be pretty
strict, I had to get on my knees and beg for permission to enter the house,
and he always had a list of chores that I had to do but after he played
with me.  And in school if i got a "D" , he spanked me even worse if I got
a "F", i would get the worse he would fuck my ass without lubication.  Talk
about pain, but he said if I want to grow up and be a perfect "pain slut"
and I should get use to it.  He made me read his porno magnazines and then
he would test me on them.  If I fauled I got spanked and had to reread the
magnazine.
   the park:
   He liked to take me to the park, he would pick out my clothes usually a
small tank top that showed my pecky nipples through the fabic, and a small
skirt that I had grown out of and no panties and of course no shoes nor
socks.  Let me play take pics of me esp when I hang up-side-down on the
monkey bars.  His friend would let me sit on their laps at the park.  There
was a real woody area were daddy would take me to suck his friend's cock,
daddy always like to watch me get on my knee and suck his friend's
cock,taking picture for him and his friend esp when daddy would left up my
skirt as I sucked.
   Daddy said "He has a lovely cock there for you to suck on, so show him
how much you appreciate him letting you suck it."
   "YEs Daddy"
   "Thank you, Mister, for letting me suck your nice cock.  Am I doing it
okay?" My small hands played with his egg sized balls as i looked up at
him, awaiting his answer.  wiggling my bare ass for his enjoyment.
   "Oh, yes, little one, " he panted.  "You are doing a marvellous job. 
Please get it back in your sweet mouth and finish me off." grabbing my
pig-tails and ramming his cock in my mouth till he came.
   "Give his cock a nice 'thank you' kiss" Daddy said.
   Sometimes the guys spank their prick across my face letting their cum
mark my face and daddy would walk me home with the his friend's cum on my
face.
   Sometimes at the park his friends brought their son or daughter with
them.
   I remember Johnny because he was in my sunday school class acouple years
older than me, Daddy would take me in the woods with his father.  Johnny
would fuck me as he his father and mine would sit on the park bench and
watch his son and say "Go ahead, son," as his old man would play with his
cock as he watched his son fuck me.
   "Fill her up!  Shoot your spunk up the little whore's fuck hole!  Give
it all to her!" And cum he did!  The boy rocked and moaned as his boyish
cum raced deep up the mine cunt, causing my small body to shudder.  WAlked
back from the park with cum oozing down my thights and cum overing my face.
That changed when I started my periods, no more cocks inside me without
rubbers atleast.  It would hard to explain why your daughter is pregnant to
his wife my mom.
   THe daughters of his friends we would play kissing games then we would
finger each other as we kissed and show our naked cunts to the cameras.
   I still believe that mother knew what was going on, the pictures that
she trashed, the quick slamming the door as daddy played with my cunt.  It
wasn't till daddy went to far I invited Jill my friend over and Daddy
wanted us to play the dare game like raising our skirts and showing daddy
our cunts.  And the kissing game watch us kiss each other.  Jill told her
parents and within 2 weeks daddy was in jail.  How I missed him.  Mother
blames me for this I remember the night they took daddy to jail.  She cried
"My whore daughter caused this!" and slapped me I spent the night in the
park , poor and hungery and I begged for her forgiveness, the day after.
   I called daddy only once he told me to hurt and punish my body each day
that it was my fault ...so I do.
   At the end of the school year, I took a few of mother's little helpers,
a cut myself as I do in the tub, I must of fell asleep or passout from the
blood lose.  Because the next thing I remember, is a EMT tech woking me up
breathing in my mouth and mother screaming "My baby my baby!"The tub was
full of blood, I must of cut myself deeper than I thought.
   But that wasnt enough one day I was having a horrible day, I was walking
home, mad that I missed the bus and my boyfriend, Jack, wanted to see other
girls, especially Terri, and I broke my best pair of heels and still felt
guilty of my Father's imprisonment.  I had got drunk one night sneaked out
of the house to kill myself, I found a stranger in a sleazy bar that
thought I was a hooker.  I asked him to kill me.  He put a bag over my head
tied me to the bed as he fucked me.  Fortunely or unfortunely, he felt
guilty and call the police as he made a hole for me to breath after I
passed out.  THe doctors said it was a cry for help and I spent the rest of
the summer in the institute till insurance said I was healed and i wasn't a
danger to myself or others.  Homecoming was strange, Mother didn't even hug
me, but ever since my Daddy went to jail, we have just co-existed, her main
time has been with my younger brother Samuel and little sis Jenny.  I
expected a cake and a welcome not "Hi" and less then welcoming peek on the
cheek and "welcome home"
   It felt like more peek on the cheek and "don't you screw up ...Little
WHore."
   My room changed mother I know went through all my stuff, I could find my
GI joe that liked to see me fuck, but I couldn't find the nipple clamps
that Daddy gave me, nor the vibrator, nor rope or a teddy that he brought
me.  I still had my diary that I almost forgot about,barely written.
   Sept 14th:
   I'm older just turned 14 will be in high school this coming year.  Today
I safety pinned my clit and I tied the shoelace to the safety pin.  Not my
heavy pair of shoes, just one shoe -I get to the edge of the bed and drop
the shoe to the floor .
   "WAnk!" the shoe barely makes it to the floor before wanking my clit.  I
pick a card from a deck of cards a "8", Eight times after a tighten the
shoelace alittle so the shoe wouldn't hit the floor.  I shake in anxious
about dropped the shoe, "Is it going to wank off my clit this time." I
remember daddy saying that whores like me don't deserve clits only good
girls do, and I wasn't a good girl.
   I get on my knees ,on the edge of the bed,to lift me even alittle
higher, I cry as a drop the shoe.
   "WAnK!" the shoe drops yanking on my clit.
   Seven more times, before I can get ready for school.  I pinch my nipples
as a dropped the second and third time.  My clit turns red begging for
mercy, "poor little clitty no mercy for today.  " as I drop the shoe again
and again.
   I'm afraid that my mind gets more perverve and I get my other shoe and
tie again to my clit.  I get afraid and I worry.  I think to myself "I have
to hurt myself I'm a whore a pain slut I deserve it." as I drop both shoes.
   "WANK!" I hind my scream in pain, it's only the sixth time two more
times.
   My mind races wonder if I can take it two more times.  I draw up the
shoes, and look at my poor red and swollen clit.  I drop it "WANK!" I can't
help it the pain is to much I scream.
   I hear mother coming to the door.  I rush to get the shoes under the
covers as she opens the door.
   "Are you ok Gina?"
   "Yes mother, I saw a spider."
   "Get ready for school hurry I have to get to work.  I'm going to drop
you off today."
   "I'm going to walk." thinking to myself 'I didn't deserve a ride too
school, walk or take the smelly bus.'
   "ok suit yourself, Im still dropping off Jenny and Sammy."
   She leaves the room, I still have one time or should I punish myself for
screaming.  I know I shall punish meant by having to carrying the shoes to
the bathroom and their drop it one more time but this time the shoes will
start at face level.  Thinking "Damn bitch you deserve more punishment."
   I get my oversize robe on to cover my nude body and the shoes attached
to the pin on my clit, and carrying my clothes.  OH god it hurts.  I rush
to the bathroom quickly to beat Sam my younger brother, all around pest, to
the bathroom.  I put my cloths on the sink and disrobe myself.  lift the
shoe to eye level, thinking "this it going to hurt."
   I cry "I can't, I can't, please forgive me daddy." I lower the level and
drop the shoes.
   "WANK!" it hurt even more, I restraint my cry of pain and untie the
stings to the pin and then unhook the pin to my clit.  "my poor clit having
to hurt and hurt so much." I touch my poor clit trying to comfort it.  I
take the pin and pin my rt thigh.  I have to wear panties around the house,
but away I can take them off when i get to school.  I remember Daddy
doesn't like panties not even g-string.  I remember what he did when he
caught me wearing panties after church.  He made me wear a rough hemp rope
g-string for the whole week and each time he passed me he would make me saw
the hemp inbetween my labia lips 5 times.  By time the end of the week my
ass, inbetween my buttocks and inbetween my lips was raw and bleeding.  But
daddy was gone I had to disciple myself now for daddy.  We had to move the
my grandmother's house on mom's side.  I got the smallest room, I slept in
my 5yr old twin bed that I badly outgrown.  The room was the coldest in the
winter and the hottest in the summer, a good room for a slut like me. 
Mother had to sell the house, we were living only on her income.
   A small tank top that barely covered my small tits more like "A-"
breast, I'm alittle shamed of them, and ofcourse daddy thinks that I should
be.  I wear a bra mainly to stuff my bra to look as I do have some breast.
My skirt I wear one that I can adjust after I leave the house.  And my
shoes, my hellish shoes a thin sole with tacs stuck through it so I have to
remember to walk on my toes, if I step down on my ball the tacs stick my
foot.  The shoes are too tight two sizes too small, I don't dare wear socks
and yes I'm feet to clamp and stink after I wear them all day, esp if I
don't allow myself to wash my feet.  I run to the bus stop not allowing
myself to eat breakfast, because I had gained a pound over the weekend.
   I get on the smelly bus, regular transite bus not as busy as usual, I'm
usually standing, this time I get to sit down to raise my skirt to the slut
level and take off my jacket that covered my small tank top.  And take off
my panties to give the guy across from us a cheap thrill and stood up I
never allowed myself to sit on the bus.  I show Julie, one of my so called
friends that I had pinned my rt thight.  The bus quickly made a rt turn and
I fall on his face, I was so embarrassed he could see my bare cunt.
   I rushed to get out of the bus and there was Terri kisssing on Jack, I
still have feelings for him he was my first boy that asked me out that
asked me out to go to the movies, even though we were both young and didn't
know any better.  Terri showing off her new car, she's a rich girl ,head
cheerleader I know what Jack see in her she pretty than me,has bigger
breast and is popular, not like me and my "A-" and my bug eyed glasses that
I have to wear because I'll blind as a bat.  I'm a poor girl that lives at
her grandmother's house, too young to poor to have car.
   Julie holds me as i stare it Jack smiles "Gina your coming over
tonight?"
   "Yes"
   She showed me quickly that she pierced her belly botton.
   She invited me over to her house to "study" .
   My relationship with Jack:
   We have been friends for a year before we decided to start dating, I
really liked him, he never pushed me, he was my morality, the best of me.
The farest that we got in a date was me giving him head, I told him that I
was afraid to get pregnant.  I never told him about my pass, I think I even
went farer with Julie then I did with Jack.  I loved him, I wanted to keep
him happy, I wanted our relationship to progress naturally.  I always
thought that I don't desire a nice guy like this so gentle, nice kind and
he did come from money on our first date he took me on his family yalcht.
HE wanted to take me this past summer to Paris, with his family but mother
said "No", saying that she could afford it.  His family was going to pay my
way.  I must of cried for days.  ANd when he started to see Terri it was to
much, I hoped that we would still be friends, to see him on the first day
hugging on Terri, I was so sad.  Fortunely he saw me in the hallway without
Terri, he gave me a hug, and said he wanted to be friends, it was nice of
him.  I had him in two of my classes, I even sat next to him.  Even that I
cant have him as a Boyfriend I do want him as a friend.  But there's a
problem Terri, she's a jealous freak, I have nothing on her.  She already
made it perfect clear to stay away fm Jack.
   Sept 17th:
   Terri and I have gym together, we she has Cheerleading practice and I
have gym but at the end of the day we both share the same locker room.  THe
day before she caught me staring at her nude body, she called me a "fag",
but today was worse.  Gym was over first, I went to take a shower, when I
got out, my clothes were missing.  When I stepped out, Terri and one of her
friends took my towel, I was there naked.  SHe laughed at me...
   "Look girls she's a boy, could you be more flat chested."
   ONe of Terri's friends " Are those's mosquito bites or are they breast.
My brother has bigger breast then you!..  ha ha"
   After they had their funny they decided to toss me out of the locker
room nude and locked the door.  I had to go to the Gym coach to let me in.
   But how come I was to feel guilty getting them in trouble, they got
detention, but the other girls were on her side.  I cried most of the
weekend.
   
  
dirty teen slut's diary pt1