Love In A Void
by Siouxsie and the Banshees
Too many fools blocking my motion
Clouding my eyes...must be the potion
Spots on my eyes...must be the lotion
Love in a void...it's so numb
Avoid in love...it's so dumb
Love in a void
Too many bigots for my liking
Too many critics...too few writing
Rabid dogs that aren't biting
Love in a void...it's so numb
Avoid in love...it's so dumb
Love in a void
Jaded reputation on which you're staking
Lots of money for the making
For all the stars they're just faking
Love in a void...it's so numb
Avoid in love...it's so dumb
Love in a void
For I---, with love
Afterhours of aimless walking in the uncomfortably warm Tijuana night Charles and Ientered the Mega Supersex House as my hand clutched his for dear life, unsureof what was going to happen or of what to do. Charles decided to stop thereafter he heard the the wild promises of a Chinese barker in a cheap, stainedgrey suit. Screaming at the top of his lungs in both Spanish and English withan accent that was barely understandable in either language the barker said thePenthouse Supersex House had the most modern theatre in Tijuana with clean,air-conditioned booths and the most beautiful women in all the world, for thelowest price in Tijuana. Charles was a sucker for any sort of advertising, sowe ran into the old brick building without a thought.
Afterthe barkerÕs promises the Mega Supersex House House was a gigantic let down.The interior was lit only by a few flickering fluorescent and cavernous, with adull grey circular wall going around the length of the hall. Trash of all kindswas strewn about the cracked, greyconcrete floor, but was mostly used paper towels, that were all dirty. Allaround the wall were at least 30 doors, painted red with bright brassdoorknobs. A line of tired, dirtyold men, who all wore grey clothes and brown fedoras (that reminded me of sadcaricatures of William Burroughs) ran for the doors, quickly opened thenslammed the ancient doors behind them. Charles lead us to a door and we beganto open it when we heard a seemingly disembodied voice scream at us, frominvisible speakers in Spanish:
ÒÁSolamenteuna persona en el caja!Ó a harsh, brutal voice suddenly came out of everywhereand nowhere. That voice must have been that of General Franco, or some otherdictator or thug with the feeling that men who make threats and have to keepthem acquire.
ÒHeather,we canÕt be in the same room.Ó Charles quickly embraced me, kissing me on thecheek, his accent betraying his origin from old New England families with toomuch money, too much inbreeding and very little sense. ÒI see an open booth onthe other side, across from me. I think that when the show starts weÕll be ableto see each other. Till then my love...Ó We embraced wildly in the dark room,as if we wouldnÕt see each other for years. I thought loved Charles very muchthen, but things would soon change.
AsI walked to the other side of the peep show, I laughed to myself. It seemed tome that it was sort of stupid for a person to go to Mexico and not be able tosay anything in Spanish other than, sorry, thanks, and youÕre welcome. I wasnÕteven sure of the numbers, but I would never learn Spanish with Charles around.He spoke it fluently, along with French, Italian, German, Latin and Greek, toeveryoneÕs general disgust since he made it known that he was smarter thaneveryone else because of that and more. Charles Winthrop Burnside III had beenmy boyfriend for the last two years, one happy year, followed by a long year offighting with his ego, coddling his interests and being his little woman andsex object/toy. I began to have a feeling that he stayed with me only for thesex and the fact that I was a natural blonde, with chocolate brown eyes, 38 Dbreasts, a 32 inch hips, a 30 inch waist without a spot of cellulite on mybody. To him, I was no more than the sum of my measurements, and I had been noless for the last twelve months.He made me lose all friends, expected me to be at his beck and call and listento everything he felt he had to say to me. Sure he paid for my every whim andexpense, but I had been having second thoughts for a long time. I began toconsider making a small cardboard sign on my head, as I opened the door to theroom, a sign that read:
Warning!
Heather Fitzgerald
Property of Charles Winthrop Burnside III
Look, But Do Not, On the Pain of Death Touch.
Rental Terms Available on Request
Iwas nothing more than his property, after all I came along with him on hisgrand tour of Latin America with just as much thought as he brought hetoothbrush. Apart from the times we made hurried anxious love, he spent moretime with his black Apple PowerBook G 3 (he nicknamed it PrettyBoy) than withme. We both saw the ruined Ancient Mayan cities, the Panama Canal, themysteries of Macchu Picchu, the wonders of the Andes and the glory of themighty Amazon river, but never did Charles once say ÔI love youÕ to me and meanit. I slammed the red door behind me, looking into the stuffy, dark, littleroom and the closed window.
Theroom had a folding metal chair that was bolted to the floor in the center ofthe room. I walked over to thebattered, ancient chair and sat down, putting my cheap cloth purse down to theright side and looking at the window in front of me. The window wasnÕt evenmade of glass, it was plastic with a set of iron bars behind it and behind thebars was a black cover and behind it was the floor show. Above me was a singlefluorescent tube, flickeringwildly, but still enough light for me to read the instructions to operate thebox. Under the window was a metalbox with a coin slot, fortunately for me it was in English and Spanish, so Iquickly read the English instructions and put in enough money for me to watchthe show for an hour. I had never been to a peep show, or for that matter aporn shop in my life, but I had a very good feeling about what was about tohappen.
Aftera few moments of tense anticipation, the cover came off of the window andrevealed a single woman, clad only in small black thong that everything exceptfor the lips of her inner labia, and black lace bra crouched in the center of abrightly lit room. From the first moment I saw her, I was totally mesmerized bythe woman, and I was in love. She had cinnamon brown skin (the same color Ihad, but she was natural, instead spending hours to darken my lily whiteskin under the warm sun), withlong raven black hair that freely fell down her back all the way to her feet.She stood in the center of a snow white floor, a spotlight illuminating herslim, lithe body. I noticed that all the other windows in the booths were openand directly across from me sat Charles, who was absolutely entranced by thedancer.
Asingle snare drum began to beat, one two three...one two three...I knew thedance was to begin soon, then the drum was joined by a trumpet, the song becoming a tango. Thewoman slowly rose her crouch, her hands slowly moving up her taught olivethighs, resting a moment at her hips then moving to her large breasts. Sheswayed her hips to the music, as she began to take her bra off. Throwing it offin time to the sensual music, she began to strut around the stage pausing amoment at each of the booths, winking and smiling in a forced, artificial way.As she looked into my booth, we both froze, it was as if she had never seen awoman in a booth before. She genuinely smiled at me, blowing a kiss to me. Iblew one back, without thinking about what I had done. Charles hadnÕt seenthat, and if he had I know that he would have had a problem with it, since hewas terribly jealous. I had never before been turned on by a woman, any woman.My nipples were hard, my breasts were heavy and my pussy was soaked. I had totouch myself, it didnÕt matter if everyone in the place could see me, includingCharles, but I had to release myself. Myhands went to the bottom of my sun dress, slowly pulling it up and over mychest, exposing my beautiful, tanned legs, going to my thighs, finally endingat my stained, white panties and white bra. I lowered my panties, then began togently massage my clit. The dancer still looked at me with a look of deeplonging in her face, although she still went around to the other windows,giving smiles and winks at the right times. But no one saw her face, only ableto see her heaving breasts, firm body, long legs and her jet black pubic hair.I was totally naked except for my bra since my dress lay next to me on thefloor and my panties were at my knees, but Charles still didnÕt see...since heseemed to be busy with himself. His pants were around his knees and his handswere already busily stroking his cock. I wondered what he was thinking about ashe played with himself, his eyes fixed on the dancerÉI knew that was the mostexcited he had been for a long, long timeÉI resented him for that. But my hatefor him turned into lust for the dancer whose attention was totally focused onme.
Thedancer went to the center of the room, standing firm and tall as her hands wentto her sides where the strings of her thong were. In time with the music, sheslowly took the thong, pulling it down her thighs, extremely slowly. As herhands lowered the thong she began to bend at the waist and turning toward me. Ibegan to go crazyÉfingering myself as I had a vision of kissing every inch ofthat womanÕs body, gently fingering her, then making soft love to her.
Whenthe thong was at her feet, she stood on her toes as her face went between herlegs and her hand touched the floor. The woman put her hands squarely on thefloor, shifting all her weight on them and threw her legs above her as thethong dangled from her feet. Facing me directly, she smiled and threw the thongin my direction with a sudden kick, unveiling her most private areas toeveryone. Still in the handstand, the woman started to move her legs from vertical above herhead to totally horizontal perfectly in time with the sultry tango and she blewkisses at me again and again, as if she was giving a private show for me. Iknew what effect the woman had on me, as I rubbed my clit in time with hermovements, but I had no idea what this could be doing to anyone else...then asa cymbal crashed in the soundtrack, the woman made a back flip out of thehandstand she had been in for at least two minutes and stood directly in themiddle of the floor, starting to finger herself as she sat down. Then the alarmsuddenly rang.
Anunreal, deep, male voice from everywhere and nowhere suddenly began just as thethe window cover began to closeÉ ÒDeposit 25 Pesos to continue showÉÓ the voicesaid the same English again, then the brutal Spanish voice said the same thingas the window became smaller and smaller. Frantically, I reached for my pursetaking out all the Mexican money that I had, hoping I had enough coins to make up 25 Pesos andcontinue the show. I dumped all the coins from my purse, took a handful of themand stuffed all of them into the coin box.
Thecover suddenly reopened, revealing a look of worry on the womanÕs face.CharlesÕs window was closed, as were most of the othersÉand the woman realizedthat my window wasnÕt closed yet and she welcomed me back by walking up to mywindow, sitting down in front of it and fingering herself again. This time wasdifferent, since she was doing it for me alone and I knew itÉI started tofinger myself in time with her, in time with the blaring, roaring Mexican musicin the background. I slowly stood up and walked right up to the window, onehand fingering my clit as the other began to enter my pussy. The woman lit upas I came closer to her and she touched herself with increased fury. I wantedno one other than her at that moment and I hoped I could have her, I began tolick the window desperately hoping that would bring us together. Then, thewindow began to open.
Abrown hand reached through the bottom of the window, now opening up fully.Without a momentÕs thought, I grabbed it and found myself on top of the dancerkissing and caressing her on the snow white floor that turned out to be agymnastics mat. My eyes closed to shut out the world and to make my sweetembrace of the dancer my only reality. We embraced each other desperately, bothour hands desperately raced across our bodies as if we had little time to makelove. The blaring music suddenly stopped, but we paid it no mind as wecontinued to kiss and my left hand and her right hand discovered our pussys.Our middle fingers slowly rubbed and moved up against the bottom of our labias,the middle of our pussys and our clits sending shocks of pleasure up and downout bodies. Then from above and behind me, someone tapped me on the shoulder. Ipaid it no mind as our fingers began to penetrate each other, deepening ourgasps for breath. Again I was tapped on the shoulder and someone said Charlesas a wave of light blinded me...
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ÒCharles!Charles! Get up we NEED to go now or weÕll miss IlliaÕs wedding. I know youdonÕt want to do that...Ó Maria stood over Charles at the side of the bed,tapping the back of his shoulder. Slowly opening his eyes, he saw that hewasnÕt in the strip joint in Tijuana but he was in bed.
ÒIhad another one of those dreams dear one...about Heather...Ó Charles rolledover in the bed to face Maria, the black covers still over his naked body.
ÒWasI there?Ó Maria sat down on the bed, next to Charles.
Slowlynodding, CharlesÕs face curled into a frown as he took in a deep breath. ÒYouwere a stripper in a Tijuana strip joint this time. I donÕt know what tosay...I canÕt even tell you how I feel...Ó
ÒIknow how you feel.Ó Leaning over, Maria kissed Charles firmly on the lips. ÒYoulove me. ThatÕs why IÕm always in your dreams. But why youÕre a woman inthem...thatÕs something I donÕt know.Ó
Bitinghis bottom lip, Charles shut his eyes, rolling onto his back. ÒI donÕt eitherand I donÕt think IÕll ever know.Ó Charles opened his eyes and saw Maria on topof him wrapping her arms around him and caressing him gently...and the lightreturned.
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