War Stories 5

by Kieran Richards

Kath sat up suddenly, everything had stopped, not a breath from the other two lying on the table, not an artillery shell exploding, not even a foot step could be heard. �Bugger, I�m dreaming aren�t I?�

�How could you tell?� a figure walked out from the shadows. It was slender and had a tightrope-walker�s gait.

�Well the fact you forgot to make them breathe kind of gives you away.� Kath said patronisingly.

�Well I can sort that out,� said the figure in the corner. Anton started to snore.

�He doesn�t snore Kate. You know he doesn�t,� Kath sounded exasperated.

�That�s one reason I thought he was one of the best roommates you could possibly get. Though the way he sighed and went on a walk when we were having sex was pretty good.� Kate looked up in recollection. �So how are thing in the not-in-your-head world?�

�I�m fine. Holly�s doing OK I guess, but Anton is really in the shits,� Kath said sullenly.

�Oh how can you tell? To me he was always in the shits even before the war.�

�He�s getting to that stage again. He slept with me and Holly yesterday. Things are looking bad for everyone.� Kath sagged onto the table.

�Well this will be one interesting night won�t it?� Kate said smiling.

�How do you know?� Kath said angrily.

�Because a group of people who want you dead are entering your trench right now.� Kate smiled again and bobbed off. Kath heard a distant artillery strike hit the ground.

Her eyes opened to see a large man collapse with a nose flattened to his face. Anton woke up and looked around madly failing to spot the man who a few seconds ago had Anton�s fist in his face.

�What the hell was that!� Holly yelled as an elbow hit her chest. The man on the floor started to groan.

�Anton should you want to see to him soon?� Kath said just as Anton realised her existence.

�Oh, well a good morning to you too Kath.� He got a good slap round the face for this. �What the hell was that for, I didn�t say anything about Kate did I!?!� he yelled, he got slapped again.

�Do not bring her up here, or for that matter ever!� she yelled.

�Am I missing something here?� Holly said bemused by the sudden outburst of her lover slapping one of her only friends in the trenches.

�Long story,� Anton and Kath said simultaneously. Kath slapped Anton again and ran off.

�What in God�s name was that about?� Holly asked as some male screams could be heard from about ten meters away.

�Well the second slap was justified, but the other two were just malicious attacks on a defenceless man.� Anton sounded hurt.

�So what�s this Kate thing?� Holly said as they both stood up.

�I can�t say,� Anton answered neatly.

�Why not?�

�She�d do the annoying straight-man thing.�

�What�s that?�

�She stabs you with a pencil, and in some of the most unpleasant places too.� He sighed and walked off shaking his head. �Oh the pencils woe.� He finished dramatically. �You coming then?� he walked round the corner out of the mess leaving Holly to stand there bemused.