Fallen Angel

Prologue

"Here's your mail Capt'n."

"Thanks Barney."

"Come on Capt'n, please don't call me that.  Burney, 
it's Burney!"

I laughed, taking a sip of beer, and replied, "Beat it
you little shit!"  He walked out with a stack of
letters in his hand.

"Why do you keep harassing the little guy, Brian?"
Lieutenant Bristol asked, shaking his head while
laughing.  He and I were sitting in the officers club,
drinking a beer.

"Hell Tom, the little shit likes it.  He just doesn't
like me doing it in front of others.  Says it's bad
enough hearing it from the enlisted men.  I'll say one
good thing about him, anything you want, and that
little shit can get it for you.  Where do you think
that Budwiser came from?"

"I thought you swapped out with that supply sergeant
in Bien Hoe."

"Hell no, that was Barney's deal.  I just retrieved it
for him and got my cut.  I'll catch you later.  I'm
going back to the hooch to read my mail."

"Okay.  Are you back up flying tomorrow?"  Tom asks, as
I'm pulling my poncho over my head.

"Yeah, if avionics gets that damn electrical bug
repaired in my instrument panel.  Damn I hate the
monsoons," I replied, exiting.

Minutes later, after cutting across the company's
compound, sloshing through the mud and rain, I was
in the hooch, laying down on my bunk, and opening
the letter from mother.  It was thicker than normal, 
which meant Karen probably wrote a couple of pages 
and mom stuck hers in the envelope too.  I folded my 
pillow, propping my head up, while laying back.

Dear Brian,

Your sister was so happy to get your letter just before
her fourteenth birthday last week.  It meant so much 
to her that you didn't forget, she became so emotional 
she cried.  Since your father's death, three years ago, 
she has looked up to you to take his place.  Being
fourteen, with no father figure around the house, is
hard on her.  She comes to me every night before she
goes to bed so we can say our prayers together.  She
asks God every night, at least three times, to let you
come home safe.

Steven, on the other hand, is on cloud nine, as he is
graduating this spring.  He wants to follow your
footsteps, and go to college.  At present, he hasn't
said anything about going into the military, thank God.

I worry about you.  I hope you're not carrying the
hate, for those people, as you did when your father was
killed.  I have forgiven them because I know that's
what God wants me to do.  I couldn't live the rest of
my life with the hate I once carried.  It serves no
purpose to hate any one person, much less a whole
country.

I miss your father and I still can't understand why you
wanted to go over there, especially since that place
took his life.  I'll never understand men.  However,
you're just like he was, gung-ho. Well, I won't start
that up again.  I'm sure you have better things to do
than to listen to me go on about your father.  Karen
wanted to write to you so I thought I would too.  We
love you Brian, take care of yourself, and write soon.
We wish you were here during the holidays.

Love, Mom

I wish she would let it go.  In all the letters I have
received from her, only two, did she fail to mention
Dad.

Dad was career marine, and as mom said, gung ho.  
I'll say gung ho.  I spent my life taking orders from
Gunnery Sergeant Hill, probably the meanest son of a
bitch to ever put on a Marine uniform.  He stood at six
foot two hundred pounds and not an ounce 
of fat.  To most of his friends he must have seemed 
like a great guy with his good looks and the charming 
way he spoke, that's when he was with them, but with 
me, it was, Private Brian, give me twenty push-ups.  
Private Brian, name five plants a soldier can eat to 
sustain life, if alone in a jungle with no rations and on 
and on.  That's how I grew up, starting at seven years 
old.  It got worse the older I became.  What military 
tactic would you use in this situation, or in that 
situation?  He or Mom never knew; but I was so glad 
every time he was sent away, on temporary duty, or 
stationed somewhere that the family couldn't go.

Steven had it made compared to the way I grew up.  
Dad had mellowed as he became older, but not 
before I graduated from high school.  Mother, well, 
she is the personification of everything that is good in 
a person.  Always looks to the brighter side of any 
situation, or to the good in a person.  For instance, 
when she speaks of the way dad raised me, she was 
very much aware of my anger and that I didn't care 
about living like a good little soldier.  "Your father 
had his reasons for bringing you up that way," she 
would say, and then repeat.  "You've learned 
discipline, honor, and most of all, you're able to take 
care of yourself and even survive in any given situation.  
That will mean something to you someday when you 
get out in the world and on your own."

Hi big brother,

Thank you for writing me.  I miss you so much and 
wish you could be here for Thanksgiving.  Sometimes 
Mom cries at night when she goes to bed, I know 
she's thinking of daddy.  Have you found and killed 
them soldiers that killed daddy?  I hope so.  Steven 
has new girlfriend.  Her name is Linda.  She is very 
pretty and Steven acts goofy when she comes over.  
He bought her a necklace for Christmas.  But I'm not 
supposed to tell.  

Carol came by yesterday.  She is out of college for the 
holidays just as we are.  She told momma you and she 
was mad at each other because you went to Vietnam 
and stayed two times.  She acts nice, but if you don't 
like her, I don't either.  I have a new friend; she 
moved here from New Mexico and speaks Spanish.  
Steven said if daddy was alive that I couldn't have her 
as a friend.  Are you having turkey for thanksgiving?  
Momma is calling me, bye.  Please come home this 
time.  I love you.

Your little sister, Karen

I smiled inside, thinking how innocent she is.  Steven
was right about one thing.  Dad wouldn't let her have
a friend that wasn't of the same race.  Dad never said
he didn't like people from other ethnic backgrounds
because he was with many of them everyday, but I
realized as I got older who and who to not associate
with.  I asked mother about it one time and she said
people should mingle with their own kind.  I was never
sure if that came from her heart or Dads.  In all the
time I spent in college, I never had any close Black or
Spanish friends, but I associated with them all the time.

As I got older, I assumed many of his traits, like
remaining firm in any decisions I made, stubbornness,
and ambitious.  I also stood eye to eye at six foot but
he had fifteen pounds on me at 200.  Conditioning
himself was a daily routine as he had overly 
emphasized to me as I grew up.  I broke away from 
that routine when I opted for an engineering 
scholarship at Georgia Tech over a football scholarship 
at Notre Dame, besides a few others.