Chapter 16

Greg listened to the voice on the other line for a few moments, tears filling his eyes and running down his face.  He put the handset back on the table and moved until he was sitting on the edge of the bed, shaking from the news he had just heard.

Traci had awakened when the phone rang and was leaning on one elbow when Mandy walked in.  She too was curious as to who had called so early in the morning.  One look at Greg’s face and she sat next to him, dreading to find out what he had heard.

“Olivia’s gone,” he said in a quiet voice.   He took in a large breath and let it out slowly, trying to get control of his voice.  “Her mother found her this morning.  The prescription painkillers that the doctor had prescribed was on the table empty and she wasn’t breathing.  The paramedics said she had died early this morning, a couple of hours before her mom found her.”  He was so choked up that he couldn’t speak anymore.  He didn’t break out in sobs; rather he sat there in shock with tears streaming down his face.

Mandy and Traci on the other hand had no problem showing their emotions.  The room was filled with sobs interrupted only with bits of sentences such as ‘I can’t believe it.’ and the big question on all their minds, ‘Why?’.

They were all running on automatic doing the necessary chores to get moving. While Mandy arranged for a babysitter, Greg got a shower followed by Traci.  By the time Mandy was finished, Traci had called into her work to explain what had happened and volunteered to take Jenni to the sitter.  She didn’t need the confusion that was bound to be around Olivia’s house and she wouldn’t understand.  As it was, she was picking up on the feelings of grief and was unusually quiet.  By the time Traci returned, the other two were ready.  It was about an hour after the call when they arrived at the Miller residence.

The police and coroner were gone by the time they arrived leaving Cindy with her sister who had come over to be with her.  When Cindy saw her daughter’s friends, she lost what little composure she had gained and grabbed all of them in turn, thanking them for coming over between her sobs.

Cindy’s sister, Megan, was one of those people who had to keep busy during a crisis.  She made coffee and tea for the newcomers and splashed a healthy bit of alcohol in to her sister’s cup.  They all sat silent for quite some time each dealing with their grief in their own ways, and not quite sure how to express it to the others.

Cindy finally calmed enough to be able to start to tell them what had happened.  She would say a few sentences then have to stop to pull herself together before she could continue.  When she went to the bathroom, Traci whispered to the others that she was sure that Cindy was in shock.  She was holding up much better than she would have expected, but figured that she would really fall apart when it hit her just what had happened.  Megan agreed and said that she was trying to make sure that she had the support that she would certainly need.

Cindy came back into the room carrying a piece of paper.  She handed it to Greg who looked at it in disbelief.  It was a sheet of pink notebook paper, the same that he had seen in Olivia’s notebook at the school lunch table.  The writing on it was shaky but still in the girl’s distinctive style.

To Mom,

I am so sorry for how my life turned out and all the pain and problems that I caused everybody.  I messed up so bad and I can’t see any way to fix it.  I just hurt so bad that I can’t take it anymore.

I’m sorry mom for turning out to be as worthless as I have.  You tried to tell me that Jerry was trouble, but I didn’t listen.  I paid for it, but I also know that I hurt you and I wish I could take that back.  You tried to help, but I was so ashamed to admit what happened to me that I just couldn’t tell you.  I remember how my real dad did the same thing to you and I didn’t want you to think I had made the same mistakes after all you went through.

I am such a failure that Jerry must be right.  Anybody who tried to help me, I got them hurt.  When my best guy friend gets stabbed because he helped me that just shows that I am dangerous to be around.

I know he will get out soon and I just can’t face that.  I’m sorry.  For what its worth, I love you all.

							Liv

Greg read the note in silence. He paused and then read the words a second time.  He could feel a rage boiling up inside him, mixing with all the other feelings that were swirling around in his mind.  Keeping his emotions under very tight control, he handed the note to Mandy and excused himself, saying he was going outside for some air.  Mandy read it as well, and then setting it on the coffee table, she moved next to Cindy.

They sat together for some time before Mandy started to speak in a whispered voice.  “I feel so bad that none of us saw the signs especially after yesterday.  I know she was horrified that Greg got hurt, but we both kept telling her it wasn’t her fault.  That it was Jerry who was the aggressor.  I guess I was too worried about if Greg was gonna be all right that I didn’t see it.”

Cindy looked over at the girl.  “You couldn’t have known.  If anyone should have seen it, it should have been me.  I am the one who knows... knew her best.  Olivia has been quiet the past couple of days and we had talked about the whole situation.  The police offered her victim’s counseling and she had decided to take it.   I knew she was upset last night after she had answered a phone call, but she kept saying she was all right.  I should have known better.”

With Mandy on one side and her sister on the other, they did their best to comfort Cindy. They kept repeating that it wasn’t her fault and that there really was no way she could have known.  Mandy felt the words had a hollow ring. Speaking them was difficult because inside she was feeling the same thing.  She had been with the girl the day before yesterday and she hadn’t see anything other than the natural reactions of a young girl that had just witnessed extreme violence.  Hell, she had experienced the same reactions.  She kept thinking if she hadn’t been so scared for Greg, maybe she would have noticed something was wrong.  She felt like a hypocrite telling Cindy that she shouldn’t think those things when she was doing the same thing.

Outside, Greg was leaning against the side of the house, his own thoughts running through his mind.  First was the disbelief that his friend was gone.  He saw her in his mind still as the laughing bubbly teen sitting at the lunchroom table.  Then again as she was just a couple of days ago, her body abused and looking to him for help.  And he had failed her.  Damnit, it was all his fault.  He should have come over to talk instead of just calling. She had sounded down on the phone, but he didn’t think it was all that serious.  Maybe if he hadn’t insisted that she get treatment and involved the authorities.  He had always been able to fix things and help his friends, but this time he couldn’t fix it.  No matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he wanted to, there was nothing he could do to fix this.  He continued to sit there with these thoughts going over and over in his head.

An hour later, Mandy found him in the same position.  Other people, friends and family had arrived at the Miller house, but Greg had not noticed.  Some had commented about the young man slumped against the wall, his head down and hands buried deep in his pockets.  Some had tried to speak to him but he hadn’t responded.  Mandy was worried about him when she realized that he had disappeared a long time ago.

She called to him and received no reply, so she gently touched his arm.  He finally looked up at her and she was shocked at the despair that was written all over his face.  She felt all of his grief and guilt and wanted to get him to unburden himself of it.  At the same time, she was feeling the same things.  When he finally came to his senses, he wrapped his arms around his fiancée’ and together they stood for several minutes.  

Traci came out to find them.  Her eyes were red from crying and she seemed to be in a dream state.  “Listen you two, ahhh, the house is getting full and maybe we should leave.  Let her family be together for a while.”  The other two looked at her, but they barely recognized what she had said.  “I really need to get away for a while, and I think you guys need to as well.”

Traci drove home since Greg was in a complete daze.  She knew - had known- Olivia but not as well as her two lovers.  It was natural that she would feel the loss, but not as deeply as they did.  Still, she had shed many tears today for the loss of a young woman whose life was just beginning.  She also grieved for the loss of innocence experienced by Greg and Mandy.  When her grandmother had died, she had gone through what they were feeling now.  She felt for Mandy who had never experienced the death of someone close to her, but mostly for Greg who had come up against something that he couldn’t fix.  He said as much to her on the way home and she could tell that it hit him very hard.

The next few days were just a blur for them all.  They would recall bits and pieces much later, but most of it was lost in a fog of grief and guilt.  One thing that Mandy and Traci both noticed was that Greg would not go back to see Cindy Miller after that first day.  Mandy	 had to force him to go to the funeral.

The funeral was beautiful, befitting the girl it was to remember.  The church where it was held was packed with people who knew Olivia and her mother. There were so many flowers around the white casket that it was almost obscured from view. Many of the students who went to school with Olivia had come to pay their respects.  So many came that they spilled out the church doors and onto the lawn outside.  The pastor who gave the eulogy knew the family well and talked about Olivia’s life in a very positive way.  Then people who knew her were asked to share their thoughts about her.  Mandy and Traci both thought it was important for Greg speak since he had known her for quite a while and he would probably regret it later if he remained silent.  It would help Cindy in her grief to hear from him too.  Greg agonized over the proper words, but after talking to his lovers as well as a priest who was a friend of his mother, he had settled on what would be best.  He was just hoping he could get through it.  He stood, and in a tight voice, began speaking.

“I became aware of Olivia when she started hanging around me at school, a sophomore who wasn’t sure of just who she was.  I was struck not only by her appearance, but also by the wonderful person who was just underneath the surface.  We spent our lunch hours together and I learned so much about her.  How much she cared for those close to her.  How much she loved her mother, and how important her mother’s influence was to her.  

“I think I will remember her always as the bubbly girl who could charm anyone she chose to and who evolved into the wonderful young woman that is gone to soon.”  He stopped there because his voice was starting to quiver and he refused to show those emotions to the crowd.  As soon as he pulled himself together, he continued.  “Olivia touched more people than she could ever have known.  I know I will miss her a lot and will never forget what she meant to me.”

He quickly sat down and stared at his hands in his lap.  Mandy and Traci both tried to comfort him, but while he accepted their efforts, he remained silent.

Many of the other mourners gave their thoughts as well.  They talked about the way she seemed to the world; a normal teen that was generally happy.  Nothing was said about the demons that lived within her and she hid so well.  Not spoken, but they were on the mind of many of the people there, Greg was sure of it.

At long last, the service ended.  Those attending filed past the open casket where Olivia lay, wearing the prom dress she had worn just a few months earlier.  Separately, Greg and Mandy both remembered how happy she had been that night, dancing like nothing else mattered but then.  She did look at peace.  The pain, both mental and physical was gone from her face.  It had been passed on to those who were left behind.

The trio did not attend the graveside service.  They went home, each one lost in their own thoughts and memories.  Nobody was in the mood to cook, so they ordered some Thai from the shop in the mini-mall.  When it was time to go to bed, Greg found himself holding both Mandy and Traci as they all drifted off.  The girls had told him that they needed to be held and to be close and he was happy to oblige.

Over the next week, things were starting to return to normal, at least for Mandy and Traci.  Greg seemed to be lost in a world of guilt.  Both women tried to talk to him but he would swear that nothing was wrong and put on a front that everything was normal.  However, they would see him often staring off in space when his favorite programs were on television.  He even stopped going to the dojo for his workouts and cancelled his classes at the women’s shelter.

Where it showed the most was in his lovemaking, or rather the lack of that activity.  He made excuses and when questioned about it, he would go through the motions, but his heart just wasn’t in it.

After another few weeks of this, Mandy knew she had to do something.  When he tried to back out of going on the trip to New York, she finally sat him down.

“Sweetheart, I think I probably know just what is bothering you.”

“There’s nothing wrong, I just do feel like going.”

“There is something wrong and you just won’t face it.” 

Greg started to get angry.  He tried to deny again that anything was wrong.  When Mandy refused to accept that answer, he tried to tell her that she couldn’t understand what he was feeling.  That tactic didn’t work either.

He was about to say something else when Mandy held up her hand to stop his answer.  “Now just shut up and let me talk.  You have been walking around here beating yourself up about Olivia and keeping the rest of your life on hold.  You keep thinking that you could have stopped her if you had known.  Well, you couldn’t!  You ain’t Superman, you know.  And nobody expects you to be.  The only person who is blaming you is yourself.  You have locked yourself in this cycle of guilt and it is tearing you up!  You don’t even notice we are around at all, and you haven’t even played with Jenni like you normally do.  I think she noticed, even if you haven’t.  If you won’t talk to me or Traci, you need to talk to somebody.  Why don’t you go and talk to Olivia?”

Greg looked at her like she was crazy.  “I can’t do that.  What do you want me to do, go out to the graveyard and talk to a headstone?  It wouldn’t do any good and I would feel like a fool.”  He knew deep down that she was right about what she had said, but that last suggestion didn’t make sense to his rational mind.

But Mandy could be just as stubborn as Greg when she felt someone she loved was threatened.  And Greg was threatened by his own mind.  “Foolish or not, I think you should at least try it.  I’m not as religious as I used to be, but I still believe that good people go to heaven and they can look down on us.  Maybe if you get your feelings out, it will start the healing that you need.  Who knows? Maybe Olivia will hear you.”

Greg tried to argue but in the end he found himself on his bike headed to the cemetery where Olivia was buried.  He asked at the office for directions and was soon standing at her gravesite.  There was a headstone that looked like it had been placed there just a couple of days before.  Between the doves that were carved on each side was Olivia’s name and the dates of her birth and death.  Below that were the words ‘Beloved Daughter and Friend’.

At first, he just stood and stared at the words, letting the information there burn into his brain.  He again said that this was a bad idea.  What was he supposed to do, just talk out loud and expect her to say something back.  Then he thought of what would he say to her if he could talk to her again.  He began to speak in almost a whisper for fear that someone would see him out there talking to a piece of granite.

“Liv, I know you can’t hear what I’m saying.  Or at least I don’t think you can.  But I’m here and Mandy is right.  There are some things I need to get off my chest.  First of all, I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you really needed it.  I was so blind that I didn’t even see the emotional pain you were in.  I just didn’t see that you were feeling so helpless and lonely.

“Maybe if I had been a better friend to you, I don’t know.  But I want to tell you that I loved you and I miss you terribly.  You were a wonderful friend who always could bring me out of a bad mood no matter how bad things were in school.  Maybe because you were always so happy on the outside, that I didn’t see the hurt on the inside.  And I should have, damnit!  I should have.

“You know I feel like it is my fault you are gone.  Maybe if I hadn’t pushed you to go into the hospital, or I hadn’t decided to stop Jerry like I did, and he hadn’t got arrested, you would be here.  There are so many ‘ifs’.”

He knelt down next to the disturbed earth and pressed his palm against the ground, like he could somehow hold her hand while he talked.  He so much wanted to hug her but this was as close as he could get.  He was no longer self-conscious; rather he almost felt Olivia was really listening to him.

“I always have been the one who could make things right.  Always the one who could come up with options.  But how do I fix this?  What can I do to make things right between us?”  He was openly crying now - for the first time since the call had come from Olivia’s mom, he was letting the pent up grief come to the surface.  His tears fell onto the ground above her casket soaking the soil and cleansing the dust from the newly replaced grass.

He was still deep in thought and almost didn’t hear the quiet voice behind him.  He looked over his shoulder to see Cindy Miller, Olivia’s mother bending down next to him.  “I didn’t mean to disturb you,” she said in a quiet voice.  “Am I intruding?”

Greg quickly wiped away the tears from his face.  “I’m sorry.  I should probably leave and give you time here alone.”

Cindy reached over and put her small, soft hand on his arm.  “Please don’t go.  I think this is the first visit for you isn’t it?”  Greg nodded.  “I heard most of what you said.  I wasn’t trying to pry, but you looked so sad that I had to know why.  Just so you know, I think she can hear us from wherever she is.”

“While I was talking to her it almost felt like she could somehow understand.”

“We have to believe that she can.  And I know just what she would tell you. ‘Don’t blame yourself’, she’d say.  You probably don’t realize just how important you were to her and how much she admired you and Mandy.”

Greg looked at her surprised, but she just gave a little smile.  “It’s true.  She used to talk about you two and how perfect a couple you were.  When I went through her things to straighten up her room, I found her diary.  I carry it around with me now so I will feel like she is still with me.  Most of it is just teenage girl stuff not important to anyone but her, but there are some entries that struck me.  One was about the day you turned her down.  She said she felt sad that you had someone else, but you did it in such a way that she felt like she was on top of the world.  You made her feel so special even while letting her down, and she never forgot that.

“The night of the prom she felt like her date was a flop, but when you took her out on the dance floor, she was the prom queen without the crown.  You had paid attention to her for who she was and that was very important to her.  Her last entries were very dark.  She was so depressed and felt so worthless and that she had nothing to live for.  One of the very last stated that she wished she had the courage to call you because you would surely come and save her.

“But you can’t take the blame for her dying.  Nobody knew how far along that road she was because she hid it so well.  I have been to a grief counselor and she assured me that teens like her are very good at hiding the signs.  Most of the time they will make an attempt as a way to call out for help.  But he helped me see that Liv meant to do it.  There was nothing that either one of us could have done to prevented it.  If we had sat with her all night, she would have found another way.”

Cindy put her arm around Greg who returned the gesture.  She continued to talk to him.  “There are just some things in this world that you can’t fix.  They are out of our control.  If you believe in a higher power, it is in their hands and we shouldn’t be so bold as to think we can second-guess them.  So instead of beating yourself up for what happened, do something positive to help someone who is the same position.”

Greg knew deep down she was right.  He wasn’t sure just what he believed as far as spirituality went, but he recognized that there were things that were just beyond his control.  It would be hard to do, but he would work on not blaming himself for what had happened to his friend.

The two sat there in the grass for a while longer, each one thinking their own thoughts.  Out of the corner of his eye he saw another family coming up the lawn, heading to a marker close by.  He stood up slowly and then offered his hand to Cindy.  She set the fresh flowers on the headstone and then said goodbye to her daughter for the day.  She turned and walked with Greg to where they were parked.

Before she left, Cindy mentioned that she was volunteering at the domestic violence center and suggested that Greg might try for a few hours a week.  He told her about teaching at the women’s shelter, but said he would at least think about it.

He rode home more at peace with himself that when he had left.  He came in and found Mandy sitting on the deck watching Jenni playing on the deck while dinner was in the oven.  He gave her a loving kiss and then sat down next to her.  He explained what had happened with Liv’s mom showing up and what they had talked about.  He also told her that he was going to try and quit blaming himself for what had happened.

Mandy gave him a self-satisfied smile and told him to watch his daughter while she checked dinner.  For the first time in a while, he scooped up the little girl glad to hear her laughter.

When they went to bed that night, Greg tried to make up for neglecting the two women.  Using his tongue and hands as well as his cock, he brought them both to several orgasms each.  He fell asleep with his exhausted dick resting between the globes of Mandy’s ass thinking how important that they celebrate being alive and having each other.  That was a lesson that he had taken from the death of his friend; you really don’t know how long you have, so you should savor the time with those you love.

A few days later, Mandy answered the phone after noticing the name on the caller ID.  She spoke to the person a few minutes, then called Greg over to take the receiver.  

Greg heard his mother’s voice on the other end.  After a few pleasantries, she got to the reason for her call.  “I know how much Olivia meant to you and how her death affected you.  I wanted to do something to help.  So I spoke to our public relations people and put in a call to the CEO.  They agreed to set up a fund, in Olivia’s name, that would go to assist and more importantly, educate young women who are in abusive situations.  I know it won’t bring your friend back, but maybe it will help her memory  live on.  Other girls might be saved from what happened to her.  I’m not great at things like this, but it was the only thing I could think of to do.”

Greg was speechless for a moment.  “Mom, I think this would be a wonderful tribute to Liv.  At school, she was always wanting to help when she could.  I couldn’t help her before, but maybe this will keep someone else from getting in the same shape.  If you don’t have someone to oversee this I think that Cindy Miller, Liv’s mom, would be a great one for it.   She has the head for it, and it might just help her as well.”

Heather thought that would be a great idea, especially since she was responsible for the fund. Greg ended the call with more enthusiasm than he had felt since before Olivia had passed.  He immediately called Cindy and explained the concept of the fund and what it was supposed to do.  

 When he told her that it would be named “The Olivia Miller Foundation” in honor of her daughter, there was a long silence.  Greg was afraid that he had messed up springing this on her and started to apologize.

“Don’t be sorry, Greg.  This would be the most wonderful thing to come out of this whole thing.  I’m just a little overwhelmed right now.”

“Well, I have one other thing to ask you.  They are going to need someone to handle the foundation.  Mom’s corporation is putting in the seed money, but someone else will have to step in and get things going.  I hope you don’t mind, but I brought your name up.  You had told me of your volunteer service to other places and you seem a natural.  I really think you should consider it.”

Cindy said she would love to work with them.  She had plenty of experience in organizing charities and this would be a chance to keep her daughter’s memory alive.  Greg gave her the number for his mom’s office and ended the call.  He wasn’t that good at the things they would be discussing, so they would be better off working out details between themselves.

He did have a feeling of accomplishment though.  He had not been able to save Olivia.  This foundation made him feel that he was a part of something to keep his friend’s memory going.  Even if he couldn’t fix her problems he could be a part of something that would help others like her.  And that was something he needed. 

=============================================

The departure date for the trip to New York City was coming up fast.  Mr. Arborough had sent them all the information on the times and dates.  He told them that their plane tickets would be waiting for them.  Olivia had been gone for almost two months and things were getting closer to being normal.  They all had times where they would think of her, but the hurt was lessening and this trip would be a help to bring all three out of their depression.

Mandy was worried about having something nice enough to wear, but Traci reminded her that they would have a chance to shop there, which made Mandy much more excited about going. They looked at all the shops they could find on the Internet and made plans to visit them all.  Greg was trying to figure out just what he could do while they were going on their grand shopping spree and transferring money to pay for it all.

The day finally came and the women did a final repack of their luggage changing one more time what they were sure they could not get along without.  Greg made sure that everything was off and locked up and they waited for Heather to come take them to the airport. 

Heather saw this as an opportunity to bond with her granddaughter and insisted that she keep Jenni while they were away.  She even took the time off so they could spend the time together, just the two of them.  Jenni adored Heather and tried to say ‘Grandma’ but it came out as something the adults couldn’t repeat.  Heather thought it was just perfect anyway.

When she arrived to collect them, Greg had Jenni’s car seat to put in the back of her car.  He opened the door and found that his mother had just bought a brand new seat for her granddaughter.  She explained that she thought she should have one in case she gets to do something like this again.  Besides this seat was color-coordinated with her car’s interior.

Mandy made sure Heather knew how to buckle Jenni in safely while Greg loaded their luggage including the case with Jenni’s needs in the trunk and they were off to the airport.  On the way there, Heather told them all about what to see and do while they were there.  New York City was one of the places where she had to make frequent business trips and she knew many of the best spots.

With security being what it was, Heather pulled up to the curb in front of the terminal and said their goodbyes there.  Mandy was still teary-eyed as she told Jenni she would see her in a few days but Heather assured her that they would be fine together and to enjoy their trip.

The young man at the ticket counter was very polite and once he had checked their identification, handed them their tickets and boarding passes.  Their luggage had been taken care of so they had nothing to do but wait for the flight to be called.  When Traci looked at her boarding pass, she realized that they were in the front of the plane which meant they were seated in first class which they were sure would make for a special flight.  Mandy and Traci had never flown before and the last time for Greg had been when he was very young, so this was to be an adventure for them all.

They passed through security without any problems.  One of the guards was eying Traci like he wanted to do a strip search on her, but his supervisor happened to be standing there and she looked like she wouldn’t stand for any nonsense.  They did check Greg’s laptop and the cameras carefully. 

While they were not taking notice of their surroundings, the girls were making a stir among their fellow passengers, especially the males.  The late July sun had the temperature up in the high eighties and they were dressed for the weather.  Traci had on a denim mini and a Hawaiian top that was tied to show her midriff and accent her long legs.  Mandy had opted for light blue shorts that barely covered her luscious ass cheeks and a snug sleeveless top that was cut low enough to show her cleavage.  Greg didn’t say a word to either of them; instead he enjoyed the antics of the other men as the tried for a better look.  Instead of being jealous about it, he felt very proud to have two such sexy women with him.

Traci was too excited to just sit, so she took a walk over to one of the vendors for a bottle of water.  One guy wearing a shirt from one of the college frat houses followed her over and started trying to talk to her.  Mandy and Greg could both see her trying to be nice and make conversation but her expression told them she was about to burst trying not to laugh.  He seemed to take her rejection in good humor, waving and then heading for the men’s room.

Traci returned to the seat with her bottle of water.  She took a long drink then turned to her companions.  “You won’t believe the pickup line that guy just tried on me.  He asked me for my autograph because he was sure I was a famous model.  When I told him I wasn’t, he asked for my phone number because he could make me famous.  That has to be the worst line I have ever heard!”  The other two joined her in laughter.  What the guy didn’t realize was that as soon as he had told her his name, she recognized it as one of her old roommate’s fucks buddies.  He hadn’t recognized her because every time he was in their room she had her head covered to block the noise.

They were still chuckling when the boarding call came for first class.  They picked up their carry-on bags and headed to the door.  The attendant at the door checked their tickets and showed them to their seats. Mandy was in the window seat next to Greg and Traci was across the aisle from them.  By the time the other passengers were boarded and the pilot was starting to taxi to the runway, the trio was looking forward to starting the adventure.