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to April 1st, 2003.


Insanity
By Dryad (copyright 2002)

I'm going insane.

The burning I feel in my gut, behind my eyes, in my groinall crying out for releases of 
different sorts.

Scream therapy no longer works.  A beetle has crawled into my brain, making me feel 
and do things that are not me. A stranger has taken residence in my body, forcing me, 
creating the ache I feel. And it churns and curls in me, wrapping around my fragile 
control, tightening and squeezing it, as a python would it prey. And I scream inside, 
scream for the loss of me, wanting to get back to me

No longer in control no longer in control

Reaching out, grasping, crying for help. Curl up fetal style, pulling your arms tightly 
around me. Make me forget, make me forget what I am right now.

Hand softly stroking my hair, and I feel my body tense, feel the anger surge from no 
where, irrational, feelings not my own.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Anger curls, swelling and receding, leaving a miffed pressure 
behind my eyes, begging to be unleashed. The poisoned tears squeeze out, as my body 
shudders again. My brain hurts. My body aches.
I'm so tired. Tired of fighting the alien inside me. The control slips. I hate myself. Hate 
myself for the weakness. Hate being a stranger in my own skin. I feel the creepy crawlies 
take residence under my skinnothing is comfortable. I feel jittery, as though I was on a 
caffeine high. I can't seem to keep still, the neural synapses snapping, begging for 
release.

Sex.
I don't care how. Hell, I don't care who. Buy stock in Energizer, but that ain't doing it 
anymore either. Just fuck me. Make me forget I don't know myself.  Use that power in 
me, make it melt away.  Flip me,  bounce me on the bed. Hell, invite your friends, fill me 
with cock from all angles, drown me, drown me in sperm. Override this monster in me, 
use this anger, make me scream, make me curse and act like one possessed.  Make the 
tingle in my skin feel positive, rather than the wanderings of a soon-to-be insane mind.  

No! No, don't make love to me! My feeble brain can't use itI said FUCK me. Slam my 
body, slide me up against the wall roughly, take my body, until my brain slows down, 
before exploding. 

But my body doesn't care.  I get a moment, perhaps two, of clear thought, before my 
body begs to shut my mind down again, and I am crawling over you, begging, 
threateningfuck me, or someone else will.  I can see you're tired, and it angers me 
further.  Some small part in the back of my head tries to pull me back, but I don't care, all 
I care about is the storm inside me, my orgasm much like the eye of a hurricane, and I'm 
thrown about. I've lost all control, don't want it, don't need it.

Feel myself falling, no longer aware, blissfully unaware.  I close my eyes to the feeling, 
all that's leftno thought, no anger, no fear.  And even in the midst, my body grows 
slack, relaxed, blessed with a mind emptied of all thought, no longer desperate, jittery.

Until the next time, which could be soon.  But for a few moments, respite from the 
pressing insanity.
