"Trying To Be Normal"
Story Blog
Note:
There are several changes planned beginning next month, including the elimination of this Blog. For more information, check "Important Notice" (below).
The crossover is now complete, meaning this, and the other ftp files will soon disappear. The new site requires that you log-in. However, they don't track you, sell your membership data or send you any obnoxious e-mails. Plus, if you sign-up, you should be able to just click the chapter you want in the chapter list and go to the chapter from ASSTR in the future. If you have any problems accessign the files, please e-mail me here.
Since the Discussion Group was generating such a small response, I figured it might be better if I created a short Blog here, instead. Since I wasn't getting much feedback, a discussion board doesn't make as much sense.
Index:
Book 2 should be interesting, as it provides some new focuses to Alex's life, a lot of new characters and a few surprises (though none shockingly so). Also, be warned, a couple of chapters are of mixed quality (i.e. some ended up a bit slow). Some of this was due to using a combination of new writing and older, first draft material, but part of it is due to writing myself into a bit of a corner (I'll comment on it when you get to it).
Again, it's worth noting my standard formatting rules. I don't put self-commentary in single quotes, as is the usual standard in most writing. That's because I use it for telepathic dialogue and thought it would be confusing. Telepathic exchanges look like the following:
'This is a telepathic exchange.'
while
"This is normal dialogue with special emphasis."
The Biographer is back in Book 2, whether you like that or not. S/he introduces sections where I break with the 1st person narrative representing Alex's point of view. It seems most readers likes those sections the best (as do I, truth be told), so I'm assuming it isn't too obnoxious having to put up with it.
I've got no immediately plans for Book 3. I plan on ending this without too many hanging story threads, but I'll leave a few just to keep it interesting. I'll probably have to take off for a bit after this book is finished in order to figure out where I want to take the story, since I'll want to say something more than merely continuing the story. I'll probably try writing a couple of shorter stories while my idea perculate, so be prepared for a delay in that portion of the story.
Also note that the chapter lengths tend to be a little shorter in the second book. This isn't a conspiracy to cheat anyone, though. It's just the way the stories worked out. I didn't quite have the problem with trying to fit too much into each individual chapter resulting in split chapters that I had in Book 1.
The emphasis of this portion of the story is largely twofold. First, this is Alex's last chance to have any sembelence of a "normal" life, so he's going to "Try to Be Normal". However, as the biographer describes it, the book is largely about the third category of Alex's followers. All those 'normal' people who decide to follow him. So the book will largely focus on these two elements, while also continuing all the various sub-plots and threads left over form Book 1.
The "Special Bonuses" for responding to the story will continue, as I've got a whole set for this story as well. It will be handled the same way, with specific ones being released only after each specific chapter is released.
If you feel you may have missed any from Book 1, let me know, as I've packaged them into 4 compressed .rar files. (There were simply too many to try to send them individually any more, and this allows me to send more of them at a time now.)
Mr Ronald Elliott wrote:
> I am expecting the probability of Alex discovering he can contact the "Lost
> Girl" from the freeway incident by telepathy, by hasn't realized it as yet? But
> maybe I am jumping ahead?
Just so everyone knows, because this came up and I had to go back and check it out, the following is an exert from Chapter 16 of Book 1:
"Can you communicate with her? Can you send her an image of where we could meet her or something?" Cate asked.
"I don't know, I'm not sure I can use telepathy with someone I've
never met. I'm not sure who I'd
be talking to as I don't know who she is or even what she looked
like," I complained. "All I know
is she's going to want to find us and I have no idea of how to
find her or communicate with her."
I'm not saying there isn't a way for them to find each other, and I'm also not saying they ever will. The role of the missing girl is to serve as a warning to Alex, that message being: That despite all his promises of protecting the women that surround him, he really has very little ability to control outside forces. He can't even protect them from his own inability to control his own talents. That's something that's going to bear on him for some time to come, and one that he'll have to remember whenever he makes promises in the future. Whether or not he ever finds her, her brief presence serves an important point in the story, and in Alex's life.
However, the likelihood of finding her isn't very good. Alex has no clue where to look for her. He didn't know where she was coming from or where she was going to. He wouldn't even recognize her if he passed her on the street! Still, if he could do anything to find her, he would try to move mountains in order to do it.
Now, proceed talking about all the things you'd like to see happen in the story. I don't mean to rain on anyone's ideas here, but I just though I should remind everyone what the story already said (but which was really easy to miss).
ProxyAccount said:
We don't know how the telepathic connection is established, but I would think that something akin to a repeated broadcast image or thought (perhaps at a fixed time at night) might be a worthwhile experiment. Perhaps an anonymous e-mail address would suffice as being simple and clear enough. He has unintentionally broadcasted to his special women before he even knew that he could do so. This suggests that he doesn't need to consciously create a telepathic connection to send messages to those women that he's "activated". Of course, the problem is that nobody has really analyzed all of the events and phenomena that has taken place, so they might not have realized the possible significance of it.
Actually a little history might help here. In the first draft of the story, it was much more limited. Alex only encountered 3 women in New Orleans, Shani, Anh and a little 7 year old girl. The way he find the women was quite different as well. Instead of them coming up to him, he'd 'see' them in a psychic vision, and they'd be 'activated' regardless of the distance (although it seemed to be limited by a couple of miles).
Thus, in the original version, Alex never even sees the lost girl. He simply sees her while traveling cross country and doesn't know what to do.
However, I thought the justification for that particular ability was weak, and it tended to remove Alex's sense of responsibility for anything. Essentially, once he activated them, he was no longer needed anymore.
But that flavored the scene. You make another good point, that essentially Becky or someone should try to experiment a little with Alex's telepathic ability a little more, because no one really has. Also, Alex shown uses of his telepathy that no one has commented on. His initial abilities was modified by his fight with Bao. There's no telling what a future stressful scene might do to it. It could very well be a Scholastic Aptitude Test for college might enable him to communicate with her! Maybe being unable to maintain an erection with a future will result in his being able to detect her?
Becky's due to examine Alex once again soon. I'll have to revisit the scene and see what I can add to it.
That's what I love about writing a story on the fly, I get all these great ideas I can incorporate that would simply never occur to me if I finished the story beforehand and said I was done with it!
Get your free "Bonus" material:
If you haven't responded to me before, you may not be aware, but I offer certain "Bonuses" to those that talk to me. I can't offer them here, for a variety of reasons. However, you should be warned that they exist.
It'll likely get difficult to offer the 'full set' to new readers in the future, as there's a LOT of material, so just be aware that the 'policy' might change at any time.
For those of you who are new to the story, I erased all the Book 1 Blog entries (another long story). If you'd like a copy of those, so you can know what people are referring to when someone mentions the 'Cate Problem', e-mail me and I'll send you a copy of them.
Also be aware that I've got collections of the Book 1 Bonus material. If you missed anything, let me know and I'll try to get it to you.
And no, I'm not telling anyone what the Bonus material is! :P
In case you are unsure about this, the Bonuses are a way of getting people to respond, specifically by e-mailing me. That's how I keep it all organized. So, if you want the Bonuses, you've got to e-mail me!
After having talked about it, I was printing off some chapters for my sister-in-law to read (she can't bring herself to read stories on a computer screen!), I thought I'd finally offer everyone an "enhanced" version of Book 1. This involves a "Prettied" version of my WORD version of the book, minus the index and Bonus materials. I also did a pdf version, which is useful so you won't feel obligated to investigate each time the bloody Grammar checker objects to something I knowingly told it was OK.
They can be found here:
Just cause I like to cause trouble and tourment, I thought I'd try a new thread. Previously, I'd teased I may try a "What do you think Cate should do' thread, but I think this one will be more productive.
What do you think of Alex's abilities. This is specifically Alex's, not those of his girls, except where they may overlap or bear on each other. Specifically:
• where do you think they originate from?
• what new ones do you think might appear?
• which ones seem 'silly'?
• what do you think 'trigger' them, augment them, or otherwise control them?
Feel free to get creative here. It might be fun to get creative here, but you may also consider what is consistant with the story (and thus more likely to occur). I'll admit right here, I've got most of them based on a few simple explantions, and they shouldn't vary from those premises much, so you shouldn't see any 'Crazy' new abilities suddenly pop up, unless there's a rational explanation for them.
I'll try to stay out of the discussions (i.e. I'll try not to keep stepping in and telling you which make sense and which don't - unless you specifically ask). But I'm just interested in how well my 'clues' have been interpreted, whether they are understandable, as well as hoping to gain some additional ideas. So go wild with these!
ProxyAccount said:
Well, I'm an agnostic scientist so while I'm pretty tolerant of religious and spiritual explanations, I prefer rational explanations that are internally consistent and avoid running afoul of real world physics whenever possible.
Origin: Perhaps a combination of certain genes permits the expression of certain abilities that are quantum in nature. I'm partial to the explanation that what the women are seeing are possibilities/ potentiality rather than what's there. (So, they might detect an impending failure in one region that isn't immediately present, but connected to other issues that they might sense.) This ties in with the protagonist in that he is an even rarer combination of alleles. However, why him and why now? Quantum mechanics opens the possibility of parallel universes, it might very well be that there are some quantum harmonics involved. Alex might be just who he says he is, but he's intrinsically connected to some other being in another universe at the quantum level. As he went through puberty, certain genes increased in expression as his hormone levels changed. At a certain point, the requisite neural structures developed in his brain, enabling it to function as a form of waveguide.
Powers: I think that subtle and limited should be the watchwords. Alex already has all the power that he's going to have, but it's his control that will improve. (Control will also improve as he develops mental discipline--controlling his thought processes.) Quantum level events have negligible effect on the obvious events in our Newtonian world, but have real consequences in state-of-the-art microprocessors. While, it might be that he can "push" the odds at the micro level in one direction, he can't prevent macro level catastrophes. For example, he could save a guy that was dying by pushing unlikely but possible good outcomes at the micro level, but he couldn't save a guy that was suffering rapid and total tissue failure (gunshot to the head or severely perforated lung due to an auto accident). This quantum-level "pushing" could be used to assist in healing (or hurting) himself and others, influence outcomes in games of chance, manipulate electronics, and so forth, but he isn't going to develop the ability to fly, breathe out fire, or anything fantastic or obvious.
KB said:
There's this idea I developed a while ago, which started as out as a borrowing from Egyptian myth but mutated a fair bit as I translated it into science fiction-ese. However, the way I have it in my notes is kinda technical, so let's try an analogy.
Basically, lifeforce is like plants growing on bits of rock and land that stick up in the middle of a river. Normally, we grow on whatever matter we sprouted on, maybe spread some seed to make progeny, then eventually die off. But sometimes, the land under us just crumples away and an entire clump of plants tumbles into the river, eventually taking root again on land further downstream, either meshing in with the plants already growing there, maybe crushing what was started beneath it, or maybe just becoming the first life to colonize that particular bit of matter.
That's more or less how I see the idea of reincarnation. Bodies are like the islands of fertile earth that build up and erode away in the stream of time, and souls are complex clusters of these plants. Usually, souls die first and leave the body to decompose ("wash away") afterwards. But occasionally big chunks break off intact and survive to become part of a new soul, but usually not able to take root at bodies that already have mature growth.
The point of this is that I see Alex as being downstream from a flood, and when it washed past him it jammed a freakin' giant redwood into his collective soul, and it's taken root and starting to dominate everything that had been growing there before. It may not completely crush out what was originally there, but it will surely overshadow it quite a bit, and that's going to affect how everything there grows.
And apparently, it's big enough that its roots are extending to a few other islands near it while overshadowing the growths on a few others.
I wouldn't get too wrapped up in Anh's spirit theories for Alex's abilities. After all, she comes from an old world mentality that isn't even accepted his her own homeland. If you aren't comfortable with her ideas of reincarnated spirits, then don't woory about it, neither do most of Alex's coterie. Whether it's true or not is open to interpretation, but it's handy because it explains a few things that sheer rationality doesn't. Also, it adds more irony because Alex, someone who doesn't believe in God because he can't wrap his mind in the concept of a soul, is surrounded by evidence of its existence, and his life seems to be guided by a higher force, even though he doesn't openly acknowledge it. It provides a wonderful foil to play with.
But then, if you've got an Eastern mentality, it's a decent theory. And don't worry, although Anh doesn't speak up very often, she'll provide additional insights as the story continues.
ProxyAccount said:
Japanese Shinto would be particularly appealing as a form of explanation, particularly due to the belief that all things have spirits, as well as their belief in fate.
KB said:
Hmm? Oh, guess I did touch on reincarnation some. I rewrote that a few times, trying to clarify what I meant, but guess I went a bit off on a tangent.
The idea wasn't just about reincarnation (well, wasn't supposed to be). In fact, in that system, actual reincarnation is extremely rare: a soul getting from one body into another relatively intact just doesn't happen. Most you'd usually get are some snippets, a chunk of another person (or other people) to add into your own makeup.
Other people (dead or living) aren't the only sources of your psycho- mental growth, though. When I compared Alex's situation to a big honking tree dropped in his little virtual garden, I just meant it seemed he got a huge bonus out of nowhere. Could be from some previously incarnated person, or could just be something from wherever those little scraps in the time-river come from in the first place. Gift of God, alien imposition, gestalt of attributes from his folks that just happen to come together greater than the sum of the parts -- I don't have a clue yet. Any, all, or none of the above.
Crumbly Writer said:
ProxyAccount wrote:
> Japanese Shinto would be particularly appealing as a form of
> explanation, particularly due to the belief that all things have
> spirits, as well as their belief in fate.
Hmm, interesting. If I'd have known more about Shintoism, and how it might apply to a Vietnamese woman, I might have applied some of the principals. Now I'll have to go and research it. Fate is something I didn't play up, and it would have been another rich topic to plunder for ideas.
Crumbly Writer
A family member who just started reading the story asked about why I picked the name "Crumbly Writer" since it was apparent I wasn't that bad. She then went on to question why I was so 'depreciating'. Here was my response (I thought it sounded good enough to post):
The "Crumby Writer" is a play on words. First, it hopefully gets the readers to let their guard down, plus, it's like holding a cookie in your hand, the story leaves pieces that keep falling in your mind, leaving behind a hundred crumbs of ideas. Kind of involved thinking for a name but....
I then went on to remind her that it wasn't necessarily me that was voicing complaints at the beginning of Chapter 1, but the fictional biographer, who was only picked to write Alex's biography because of her 'initial proximity' to the events involved. I also said that I initially wasn't sure whether there was actually any market for a story without a deceive hero, no discernible plot and no essential conflicts.
Shaniqua
Someone else asked about how you'd pronounce Shani's name, Shaniqua.
> However I am still stumbling over Shani's full name. (smile)
Ah, again my limited skills with writing pronunciation confounds me. Try this:
Sha (as in Shazam!) ni (as in knee) qua (as in "Quack like a duck").
Is that any help?
Chalise
Chalise is another unusual name. I wanted to reflect how the black community tends to use a lot of newly created names that are unfamiliar to most whites.
Cha (as in chalk) lise (as in lease).
OK. A brief word about Cate, again. I just wanted to point out that I wasn't trying to do a "tease" with Shani's theory. I wanted to show that, despite what Anh and the others all think, Alex is far from infallible and is as prone to making simple mistakes as anyone else. Most of the information they are all working from is simply guesswork, and, such information usually ends up biting you when you rely on it too much.
As far as whether Cat and Alex will now 'get together', we'll have to see. It's certainly more likely now than it was a few days (in story time) than it is now, but Alex still has to get beyond Cate's 'Yuck' factor. He has to deal with the fact that at least a few people still react to him with a "yuck" reaction. I figured that was a good thing for him to learn before he goes shopping for a new 'girlfriend'. But at least Alex knows not to treat her with kid gloves anymore.
However, it also generated a weird response. Another reader, who up till now has been very supportive, just wrote to tell me he could barely make it thru this chapter. He called it, "one of those stupid, gross situation comedies"! Personally, I'm not sure why he found it so offensive, but I'll admit it was a bit more 'traditional' than what I normally write.
So, if you found the segment difficult (note, he found the scene between Cate and Alex 'comedic', and thought it was only saved when their father come in and caught them talking about him having her cum dripping from his face), let me know so I can avoid similar situations in the future. Otherwise I think I'll stand by the scene. It may not have been overly original, but it was necessary to the overall plot.
Someone else just pointed out that "Had [they] been expecting something to come of Shani's theory, then [they] might have been irritated for how it turned out". That's a valid point.
Actually, I made it a point to state (in chapter 13) that Alex at first didn't consider it a legitimate theory, he only grew to accept it because it seemed, like Anh's theories, to explain more than the alternative theories. So it's also a warning not to blindly accept what Anh suggests (Something to remember in the future).
JC said:
Well basically I never found it a competent theory although it had it one merits. Kate's actions throughout the entire first book, as well as the kissing scene where she asks the others to see whether Alex's energy levels vary when she kisses him kinda bunk the entire 'suddenly found out she's a lesbian and she's freaked out'.
It's not impossible of course but the small actions present throughout the first books indicates her feelings quite well even if the two siblings aren't exactly all that comfortable with incest yet. Still I found the particular chapter entertaining in an ironic way. Keep up the god work.
Chapter 3 (and Chapter 4 as well) are fairly significant, as they establish the tone and timber of the story. That's why I put it in early and why Alex's attitude is upfront and 'in your face', so people could determine quickly if they could believe in Alex behaving like this, and in the people around him to accepting it. I figure if anyone has a problem believing it, they'll probably have a problem with this segment of Alex's story.
As far as understanding it, for those that are still here, this point, the attitude of the girls is simply one of shock and amazement that someone would be so upfront about such strange and amazing things. They find the odd but honestly naïve boy to be oddly endearing. As the story unfolds, there are a few other theories about what happens, but that's a ways in the future. In response to a complaint that "A more mature young woman might be able to handle his strong attachment to the special women [in his life], but not [young] girls", I can only say that right now they are mostly intrigued and curious. Besides, after everything Alex has gone through, do you think he'd be attracted by a 'typical' high school girl? If he tried this with someone who behaves like the average insecure high school girl, they'd have run screaming long ago.
There was also a comment that "In the modern age discussion of his activities (real and rumored) are bound to hit the internet social networks". There are two responses to this particular observation. The first is that you'll notice that nowhere do I specifically mention a date in the story. There's no telling if this happens now, a few years ago or quite a while ago. Instead, it's simply told by a biographer talking about how a leader of a people began his mission, thus allowing me to avoid any discussion of girls gossiping about Alex online.
Yet this very topic comes up, again, a bit in the future, but right now it's best if you don't try to place the story in the current 'Facebook Age'. It'll mess with your mind and cause problems with your enjoyment of the story.
I also wouldn't assume that these two girls fell into Alex's life purely at random. True, he only asked them out because an insecure guy pointed them out to him, but there's a definite dynamic here. After all, Alex decided to go after them instead of all the girls watching him continually as he wanders the halls of the school. Plus I think Book 1 established that, aside from my liking irony in a story, that the idea of a Devine or spirtual influence in Alex's life isn't out of the question. There may just be forces working to put these characters together.
However, so far the responses have been running very positive, with most people not only accepting it, but enjoying the lighthearted and offbeat nature of it. That's also why this particular segment continues into the next chapter, so the readers will have a chance, however brief, to consider how long they can suspend their disbelief.
In the long run, the reasons why these girls accept Alex's actions are going to be as complicated as why his 'girls' accepted his strange circumstances in the previous book. Believe me, nothing is clear cut in this story. Is it his personality? Is it their temperament? Is it some odd, unnoticed ability of Alex's? Or is there yet another odd reason why they'd accept this odd attitude. However, you'll have to initially accept that both Kitty and Chalise are honestly intrigued by his response before you'll ever make it to the more complex, nuanced explanations.
So, I've written a little mini-novelette in response to this issue. What does everyone else think? The consensus, based on the responses, was that the chapter was fun and interesting, but a couple of people had trouble with the chapter's "believability".
In order to get the ball rolling, I thought I'd add the comments that started this whole topic. The first entry follows:
ProxyAccount wrote:
> This chapter was in Bizarro world. Young girls
> interested in dating a guy with multiple
> girlfriends? Doubtful. Girls tend to be very
> insecure and sensitive to the gossip and opinions
> of their peers. They might want to meet Alex's
> women out of curiosity, but I don't see any
> lasting relationship.
>
> A more mature young *woman* might be able to
> handle his strong attachment to the special women,
> but not girls. Is Alex purposefully sabotaging
> things with girls at the school or is he just
> flying by the seat of his pants?
>
> In the modern age discussion of his activities
> (real and rumored) are bound to hit the internet
> social networks. That's bound to reach those that
> Alex might prefer to avoid. He might have caused
> himself more trouble than he anticipated.
He follows up with:
> Right now, his introductions seem to be fairly haphazard--
> driven by the pure chance that an insecure kid dropped their names.
> Curiousity will result in a date or so, but not much more than that if
> they're remotely normal. I think that Kitty's probably a no-go–
> probably pretty typical. Chalise's a big question-mark. Of course,
> religions such as Shinto would probably insist that it's all fate.
There's more, but I'll just leave it there for the moment. I should also point out, that so far, I've only had 2 people who found the current chapter hard to deal with. Everyone else seems to like it a lot!
Sam said:
I, too, found the girls' reaction atypical, but not beyond the suspension of disbelief. Most girls would be too sensitive to avoid a guy with Alex's "luggage", but among a few hundred girls in a typical high school, a fairly wide range of behavior would be present. It might be unusual that Alex found two girls with enough curiosity by an apparently haphazard method, but this is fiction.
Another factor that would make the girls tolerate misgivings that would ordinarily result in a rejection: the girls in question (at least Kitty) are apparently not on the "A-list"; while Alex has gained some popularity through the rumors and his confrontation with Darrell. That may make him more appealing to girls of slightly lower standing.
In all, I found the conversations unusual but not impossible. And besides, I wanted to see Alex show more confidence -- so the chapter was appealing on that score.
Jethro said:
Sorry but I got the impression this person who thinks the story is bizzaro must have a difficult time distinguishing between a story that is true and factual vs a story that is fiction/fantasy. You can take a lot of liberties in fantasies. I do the same in some of my fantasy stories. I too have people write me who think my stories should be perfect and written in the horrid Textbook English. They just don't understand fantasy beyond Cinderilla and Little Red Riding Hood. Now those are beyond reality.
Crumbly Writer said:
Thanks for stepping and making me feel a bit less 'alone and shouting from the bottom of a well, Sam. 'D
Part of what you're both describing is because of the placement of the chapter and the need to hash out who could and who couldn't accept the changes in Alex's previously morose behavior. I wanted the chapter with both girl's interactions to happen early, and I wanted them to be 'in your face' enough to challenge people who might question them. Plus, I thought that having Alex face a couple of rejections and several missteps first, would interfere with this 'warning to future readers' approach. Thus it was important he be straight forward, and that it all happen without a bit more 'realism' involved.
Of course, this being the type of story it is, I want my readers asking the obvious questions. If the readers don't wonder WHY the girls put up with this approach, they won't be receptive to the eventual explanations and theories that will be presented by various people. At the moment his sister thinks he's just gone plain loco! However, his girls all seem to have complete confidence in him, whatever approach he takes. Do they know something the rest of us can't know? Surely they aren't afraid to argue the point with him, so if they though he was making a mistake they'd tell him.
Finally, the person who made the comments has been responding for a while. He's made some very useful contributions and brought up some very good points, but he admits he's had trouble accepting the behaviors for a while. He followed up by explaining that some of his inability to accept the situation is due to the inconsistency in the character development, as he hasn't heard enough about the characters to understand how they'd react this way.
But that brings up another interesting point between Books 1 and 2. In Book 1, it was natural for those he activated to reveal everything about themselves to him. It's part of what finally got him to accept the situation. It's not easy to get a typical high school kid you just met and are asking out on a date to reveal all her inner most secrets! Thus, the 'feel' of the interactions in book 2 are going to be MUCH different as well.
Van Nightinggale said:
Well, of course it's difficult to judge how reasonable some of this stuff is, because we're still learning about Alex, as he is himself.
Watching Alex in Chapter 3 was almost like watching a new character. We've had it painted for us that up until his return from New Orleans, he was a complete nonentity at school, and all of a sudden he's into this verbal shucking and jiving... his experiences have obviously jacked his confidence up about 5000 percent...
Honestly, I don't have a problem with the idea that Kitty or Chalise might not be completely turned off by the fact that Alex has a stable of women of his own. They were reasonably sceptical, but you can't imagine anyone not being intrigued.
What I do have trouble reconciling is Crumbly's view of a tiny high school in a tiny town in farm country. He chose to pick an actual high school to set it in, one that has fewer than 100 student per class designation. And one that probably doesn't have much, if any, African- American population.
That's nit-picking, of course, and this is fiction, so Crumbly can populate the school any way he wants. But the point was supposed to be that this was such a small town and school that there wasn't enough of a concentration of population for anyone to be influenced by Alex's powers.
If that's the case, then how can there be all these people whose name he doesn't even know? That doesn't work so well in a small-town setting.
Alex's focus on these two random women in Darrell's sphere of influence makes no sense, really . . . so obviously there's more to it than that . . . and that makes trying to figure it out at this point kind of pointless.
Crumbly Writer said:
Good point, as usual, Van. Although, in my own defense, although I put it in a "real school", you should picture it in a 'fictional setting'. Try to assume that, due to the town's small size, that they bus all their kids to a larger school farther away. The whole story kind of falls apart if the school is too small.
As for his not knowing any of the kids names, I'd simply chalk that up to his former shyness. He never mingled or associated with anyone, so everyone ignored him and he ignored them right back. If you were to ask Cate, she'd likely know more people than he does, despite being in a younger grade than he is. After all, if Alex doesn't know the star of the football team, you know he doesn't get out much!
Van Nightingale said:
No, I get that. I think my point was that the dynamic is different in a small, rural town than it is in at a larger school in an urban or suburban area. The smaller the crowd in which to be lost, the more difficult it is to divorce yourself from all that.
Alex is who Alex is, of course; he's what you make him to be, and in and of himself, he works pretty well. But when you set him in recognized settings and in archetypical situations, that's when you as the write have to make it seem reasonable.
In a typical situation, particularly in a small-school environment, everyone knows who the captain of the football team is, who the head cheerleader is, etc., etc., etc., even if they don't ever interact with them. It's almost unavoidable, if for no other reason than in a small school, you're almost certain to have shared a class with these people at one time or another.
This is all a bit nit-picky, I agree. But even for someone who has become as extraordinary as Alex, it's the challenge for the author to make his actions in the agreed-upon setting seem reasonable. Just a thought...
KB said:
Van, when all you do is try to keep your head down, you don't see much more than your feet. I know, because my graduating class was about 180 or so, and I knew maybe 50 or fewer by name.
If you're an introvert, you're TRYING to ignore those around you, in the hopes they'll ignore you back. In my case, it was impossible, since I hulked a good four-to-six inches above the local star football team, and I was no string bean. If I'd had an aggressive personality, I could have smashed any of them, but because I was shy and mild, I was constantly bullied by people a half-foot shorter than me. I shut down. Only an overwhelming balance of hormones had me aware of anything besides my books and the bullies, and in watching the girls I ended up remembering a few of the other males who shared a few classes with me, if only due to envy at their dating the females I wanted but didn't dare ask out.
Alex isn't nearly as bad as I was, of course, but he still fits the same general psychology. Introverts aren't social, so don't have the exact same instincts extroverts do. Learning names is what you do if you want to know about people, interact with them, be with them. Those uncomfortable about people can be wantonly oblivious to others around them.
Van Nightingale said:
KB,
I'll defer to your personal experience in that setting and that mindset :-)
But you still at least knew who the school football star was. I still think it stretches credibility that a couple of months short of the end of his four years at that high school, that Alex had no conception of the physical presence that was Darrell. Just seems a bit unlikely. That doesn't ruin the story for me, and once the chapter's been read, it's been read. But these are the tiny speed bumps that a reader hits and questions.
I got the sense early on that Alex had been shy, but not necessarily unaware. We have no reason to believe he'd regularly been bullied, and that he had therefore turned himself completely inward.
Crumbly Writer said:
If I can step in here again for a moment. I think Alex hasn't been 'unaware', as much as he's said that he simply runs counter to the normal reaction of the other students and simply doesn't 'care' who he is. He said as much when he didn't bother to even listen to a description of what Darrell actually did. Alex has a sort of 'anti- popularity' vibe going.
I also need to warn again that the fictional El Dorado High School is a bit larger than the real one it's based on. It'll become apparent in future chapters that there are sizable minority contingents, that aren't so typical of small town schools. So you'll have to further suspend some of your disbelieve in this regard.
Now, you can imagine, knowing what this next chapter was going to entail, I wanted to speak to him beforehand. But for some reason, the e-mail associated with his response wouldn't work.
In my own defense, although this 'sounds' like the "run of the mill" "obligatory jock bully", I don't see it that way, and I don't think that Alex does either. It may take a while to play out, but Alex doesn't see 'Bulldozer' as just another mindless jock. True, he reacts out of anger at his approach, but he tempers what he says about him and tries, largely unsuccessfully, to talk him up.
Now, I'm not going to say anything more than that, not wanting to include any potential spoilers, but just keep in mind that I usually work in subtlety and subplots. Although Darrell comes off as an aggressive brute, that was his approach to the situation. If you're upset at the stereotype, I ask that you bear with me in this regard.
The scene in question, in case you find it hard to believe, is from my own history. I had a similar interaction with someone, much like that described, with similar results. I didn't ask her out as a result, but I continued to flirt with her, so the reaction of his threat was similar.
I was a little concerned that Cate, in her worrying about Alex, might have come off as annoying as she tried to control Alex, once again. But you'll have to give her a little latitude. She's trying to adjust, however slowly, but it's hard to see the brother you love get potentially beaten to a bloody pulp. She tends to imagine the worst.
Finally, I'd like to ask that Bill, if you're reading this, you get me a copy of a workable e-mail address so I can deal with you personally from now on. Besides, if I can't connect with you, you're going to miss out on your free "Bonus" material!
Sam wrote:
> Now, I'm not going to say anything more than that, not wanting to
> include any potential spoilers, but just keep in mind that I usually
> work in subtlety and subplots. Although Darrell comes off as an
> aggressive brute, that was his approach to the situation. If you're
> upset at the stereotype, I ask that you bear with me in this regard.
And that's how I read it -- that Darrell *could* be a bully in some circumstances, he is not entirely comfortable in that role, and is more than a 2-dimensional character.
I think that scene worked well.
> I was a little concerned that Cate, in her worrying about Alex, might
> have come off as annoying as she tried to control Alex, once again.
> But you'll have to give her a little latitude. She's trying to adjust,
> however slowly, but it's hard to see the brother you love get
> potentially beaten to a bloody pulp. She tends to imagine the worst.
It would have been annoying if you continued that much longer. But Cate got stopped and/or gave up, so all's good.
ProxyAccount wrote:
> It could be that Darrell was actually trying to improve his own
> standing within the group. Either that or he's trying to create some
> sort of smokescreen regarding his own nature to throw off the rumor
> mill.
Ooh, a potential red herring! Maybe he's secretly gay. In which case, Alex's arranging to have Kitty go out with him will actually put him in a worse position, making him act out aggressively even more. Man, I can't make this stuff up myself!
Van Nightingale wrote:
Yes, Crumbly, yes you can! :-)
I find I'm both intrigued and put off by literature as group participation, definitely a product of the Internet age. Personally, I don't know how you do it. It's quite impressive that you can absorb all of this feedback and ideas, sift the wheat from the chaff -- all while being in the process of writing "The Catalyst" -- and not go crazy.
But if it works for you, then more power to you :-)
An Anonymous reader wrote:
Please do NOT get hit by a bus! You have written one of the most entertaining stories on ASSTR.
Thank you for your efforts.
Well, now we see just what Becky can do with science once she sets her mind to it. Never mind that annoying noise, it's just Cate grinding her teeth in the corner. So any reactions, either to the idea postulated, the experiment performed (or NOT performed) or to anything else?
Sam wrote:
Yeah, I think the experiment should have been conducted with Alex or the girls (or both) in Faraday Cages.
That's to avoid possible cheating using a small wireless transmitter: after all, you can probably engineer something that looks like a hearing aid or even something held in the mouth that could conceivably be used to transmit information. You did mention removing a wireless card, but a FC would make the tests more reliable.
On the other hand, this may be both difficult to arrange, and unnecessary for Becky, since she is not planning to publish the results, and she is presumably not suspecting of Alex&Co. of cheating.
I thought the date was nicely handled, and Kitty is becoming an interesting character.
Crumby Writer wrote:
I thought of that, trying to limit broadcast transmissions, though I was thinking of a lead lined room instead. But, there aren't that many of those available to an intern on a university campus. But I think the comment about the speed of his mental communications being faster than the speed of sound kind of settled the fact that he wasn't 'broadcasting' any kind of brain waves, which was really the point of the whole episode. The idea was to get the readers to consider what might be going on instead.
Yeah, the date was interesting. After the last couple of conversations, I was a little disappointed that I didn't have Kitty reveal more about herself, but I think she let Alex know the general direction of their relationship - barring any stupid moves on his part, that is!
Proxy Account wrote:
ECG, EEG, and EMG test-rooms are shielded against EMI and RFI, effectively preventing wireless signaling. This is because the sensors are extremely sensitive to errant radio frequency and electro- magnetic interference.
Chapter 8 - Was It What You Expected?:
Well, this chapter was a long time coming. If you haven't read it yet (Chapter 8) then read it before continuing.
Aside from the new information Alex gets from Melinda, the whole Melinda/Alex/Cate thing was a sudden inspiration. I had originally planned to have Alex and Cate take MUCH longer before anything happened. Essentially, Cate's restrictions were pretty significant, and it would take something major to change her mind. I had something planned for that, a fairly major scene towards the end of the book, but while adapting the original text, I suddenly saw an opening.
I saw the increased presence of both Becky and Melinda as a unique opportunity. They hadn't been quite as prominent before, in the previous version there were three sisters besides Cate. However, it took quite a bit of arranging trying to get the situation to develop. I had to move some chapters around to put Alex's sisters together, then I had to arrange for everyone else to be gone - something a little difficult with as many women as Alex always has around. But it was a perfect opportunity. It took several chapters before I could arrange it all but I think the results speak for themselves.
Not only did I finally get the two together, (btw, how many people figured it out from the title?) but I managed to do it while further developing the characters. You get a real feel for why Melinda would seek her brother out, for reasons completely differently than Cate's. What's more, I managed to arrange it all in a perfectly understandable, reasonable fashion.
Also, I managed to sprinkle the first case of jealousy that Alex has actually faced. So apparently Alex's abilities don't necessarily rule it out. Man, don't fool around with sisters!
So, what do you think? Was it what you were expecting? What do you think about Melinda and Becky, and their future with Alex now?
Phil Payne wrote:
I found this chapter a good read, and a logical reaction by Cate to Melinda's actions with Alex, I think that Cate is going to be the doorman to Alex for Melinda and Becky, I am expecting that after Cate is settled into her new role she will relax and let the other two gradually sample the goods so to speak, but as I always have said this is down to you, I will just be pleased how ever it is resolved
Orangeade wrote:
"Don't fool around with sisters?" I thought that was the whole point! :-)
It certainly worked for me, all the more so since you had been taking the slow approach in the story and doing your best in the forums to make sure no one assumed it was a certainty that anything would ever happen with them. Which just makes the "Finally" moment that much better.
The ultimate question is what's drawing Alex's sister toward him? Melinda's assessment of what a fine young man Alex is growing up to be is all well and good, but there's a sense that it can't be that simple, that even for women that aren't followers or watchers, there must be some kind of attraction to his power. And perhaps siblings are more susceptible to it, for reasons of either genetics or proximity.
Given the insistence of the chapter's title, I at first thought that Cate was going to barge ahead of Kitty and Chalise in the "Sex with Alex" queue, but I actually prefer that it didn't work out that way. I imagine Dad is also happier, although he doesn't seem at all happy at the moment. Which is interesting, because you seemed to have colored him as being just as inclined as Mom to view the relationship of the siblings as inevitable. Perhaps the actual event was more difficult to accept than he imagined it would be.
Crumbly Writer said:
Someone else wrote:
> I can understand the fathers side, the mom is
> affected by Alex so she understands Cate's desire.
> The father isn't affected as much but some.
> Becky not being affected is different but I guess
> not all women can be.
Actually I thought it was an interesting twist, Frank, who was perfectly fine with Alex getting away with everything he was, suddenly goes apoplectic when Alex suddenly diddles his daughter! Guess that shows yet another limitation to Frank's theory about Alex's MC abilities!
Proxy Account said:
Re: Alex's power
I think that it shows that it's not mind-control per se, but is just some sort of influence.
Re: Alex, Cate, Becky, and Melinda
I think that it's the step in the right direction for Alex and Cate. As for Becky and Melinda, they may have more of a role in Alex's new life than they had before.
Re: Alex's relationships
How do you unring a bell? Alex is already deeply and emotionally involved with more than one woman. The idea that he can just become monogamous is well-intentioned, but not realistic. I'm a serial monogamist and follow a very strict rule of not having a romantic relationship with more than one woman at a time. It has to be done because it's unlikely that anyone can remain properly faithful if they allowed themselves to form such emotional attachments with more than one person. Of course, this all assuming that any normal girl would be able to put up with Alex's life.
Well, I've got to say, that I've got quite a divergent audience. Not only do I have people who have been urging on the whole Cate/Alex thing, I've also got those who don't like the incest angle, as well as those who don't even like the sex in the story very much, even after all of this time.
I just got a fascinating story from a reader, asking about further the incest theme, relating how his own life was enriched by his own experiences. What follows is my response to him.
That's a fascinating story, one that it's always good to hear, given how prevalent the continual reframe about the damage of such relationships is. However, I've got a mixed readership, and even at this late stage, I still have readers who mention they either aren't here for the sex or that they aren't very fond of incest stories. <Sigh!> Actually, the incest angle was mostly twofold. One, was that, like the harem genre, I wanted to poke fun at some of the standard story genres here at SOL and ASSTR. I wanted to present an alternative to the stories so common here, where siblings, and parents and children fall into a sexual relationship within a couple of paragraphs, without much concern about the repercussions or natural inhibitions aside from a brief mention. The second point was that the relationship fed into a natural attraction I already had from Alex and Cate. They clearly belong together, and each is dedicated to the other. Having them become lovers, eventually, just seemed to make sense.
However, I think to go beyond Alex and Cate with the incest theme may be pushing it, as it wouldn't really be pertinent to the overall plot. Sure, I might keep the teasings up, heck, even his mother is tickled to hear about his exploits every morning, and I'm sure they'll be a few 'moments' between him and his sisters. But I think it's pretty clear that Alex and Cate share something pretty special. To continue it beyond the two of them would inherently diminish what the two of them share. What Cate and Alex share will also be brought out, I think, in another 2 chapters, as yet another theory is considered. Essentially, it reduces the importance of the incest angle, giving Cate and her father a bit of room to negotiate the issue.
But, being a long time fan of incest stories myself - not from any personal experience, I've never thought of anyone in my family sexually, I've always found the Idea of the forbiddenness of incest to be interesting. It's very similar to gay sex, although I'm not inclined that way myself, I always like to read about lesbian or gay couples, because, if a couple can get together in the face of such universal hatred, then they have something special, and that always makes for a very romantic and impressive story (despite the inherent yuck faction 'D).
So, you're sure to see it included in any future stories that I write, just as you are likely to see the harem theme repeated, though I doubt you'll see it portrayed in quite the same way again.
Orangeade said:
Really? People who have a problem with there being sex in the story? And they found it at storiesonline or asstr?
That'd be like picking up the latest Michael Connolly, and then writing to the publisher complaining about all the detective work in it...
Dimek said:
I perosnally think there is not that much sex in the story sure there is some but not every other paragraph liek some stories .. and i look foward to reading more on what cate and Alex share in later chapters.
ProxyAccount said:
I'm cautious when integrating incest into a story. I don't want it to be cheap or tawdry, but a step further between two people that are already close, much like best friends that become lovers. That's the key: love.
Crumbly Writer said:
Well, don't worry, there are NO plans for any family orgy scenes! No trading of spouses for mothers with his father or anything else like that. The incest is almost incidental to the story, it isn't that Cate is his sister, and it isn't that she's simply 'available'. No, it's the fact that they are inordinately close for several odd reasons. As she said, she didn't get involved with him Because he's her brother, as she has no fascination with the subject. Instead she fell in love with him, tried to find someone else like him, then finally realized there Was no one else like him.
Now, I'm not saying there Won't be any more incest sub-plots. There will certainly be teasing by Alex and his other sisters, and his mom will continue to be fascinated by reports of his sex life, but I don't want to diminish what Cate and Alex share by intimating that they only did it because it's taboo. If Alex has any more interactions with other family members, it won't be equal to what he and Cate share. What they have is Very special!
Dimek said:
This is soemthing I have been wondering for awhile and look foward to later chapters to see what happens.
I for one after reading chapter 15 of Book 1 think she does tho not fully realised or admitted to.. I think i posted this in another thread but it would seem she might have a form of Empathy, the ablilty to feel some feelings or emotions. I think this as she stated on some dates she was able to feel peoples desires, even tho she could not feel any other people.
Another thing I wonder is how Alex's energy may have effected all the years that she has been real close to him. It was said that she alwasy managed to absorb some of his energy to make her feel better then she would go on her way. So i wonder in theory if she has been so exposed to alex's energy .. more then anyone becuase of their close bond.. what would happen with a long term seperation of the two.. What would happen to cate, depression, withdrawals or something.. wonmder what would happen with Alex.. I wonder if their is more to Alex's abilities when in proximity to Cate, heck maybe Cate is a catalyst to Alex who knows.
Thanks for listening to more of my ramblings lol
Crumbly Writer said:
Interesting idea. So far, I'd been planning on having Cate accompany Alex in Book 3, while many of the other characters would stay behind, but you bring up an interesting idea. Maybe I should have her stay behind, just to see how she responds. But then again, she's supposed to go to college in the fall, but that would probably cover Books 4 or 5 or something. I don't know if I've got that much story in me!
Chapter 9: A Compromise is Offered:
Sam said:
Hi, CW, who is Caroline again? As in "Shaniqua went overboard in trusting the girls and Caroline."
And some feedback from me: I think Alex's moaning and groaning is getting a bit much.
IMHO, he should either accept the cherry cobbler (I like that), or, if he would really prefer not to, put his foot down and say he will have a one-on-one for his first time -- or not at all.
I little moaning is okay, but I think he's pushing it. Maybe if he injected a bit of humor...
Dimek said:
Caroline is Chalis's mother. As for the compromise .. Interesting .. Tho i am still for Cate and Alex giving each other their virginities seems more special i think..after all if he gives it to Kitty and Chalise then Cate is robebd .. then again I begining to think Chalise and Kitty are already suspecting someting about alex and cate Interetsting to see in later chapters after all suggesting Cate be there for it, I can;t help but wonder if Kitty and chalise have some plans about Cate and Alex.
Crumbly Writer said:
Chapter 9 was mainly a light, fun chapter meant to provide some relief after the heavier revelations of the previous chapter, where Cate and Alex finally got together. It was really meant to come out right after that one, but the schedule is still a bit off.
Sorry if it wasn't that humorous, but I thought the situation was funny enough. I figured having Alex make smart alecky remarks would spoil it. But, regarding Alex being a bummer, Alex is Alex. He may be more self assertive, but he's still fairly resistant to change!
Chapter 10 is another significant chapter, as opposed to this one. It provides several things of interest. For the science and sci-fi fans, it provides both a whole new set of theories, as well as a whole new sub-plot, which has grown to take up much of Book 2, so I hope you all like it, as it'll be running for a while.
Chapter 10: A Spiritual Gamble:
I hadn't initially planned on the medical subplot, but thought it deserved some attention. Just be warned though, it's an easy thing to get out of hand, as there's lots for him to do. In the first draft, Alex never showed any signs of being able to manipulate his energy, but when I was changing everything else, it seemed a natural extension of his abilities. Plus, I think it will provide a nice distraction for all those who aren't into the incest and 'interpersonal' stuff.
So, any reactions to Anh's newest theory? Especially as it relates to Cate, Kitty and Chalise?
OrangeAde said:
Honestly? I'm turned off by the mysticism, but I figure I'm along for the ride the whole way, so I'll roll with it.
Without question, the medical portion of the chapter was a more interesting read than the home portion, but maybe that's as simple as "something happened" in the latter half. Jennifer was a nice jolt, and a reminder that whenever Alex steps out of his own tiny community, he faces the possibility of running into one of "his people."
Crumbly Writer said:
Hmm, I always thought Anh's explanations provided an intriguing way of approaching explaining things, especially after all the trouble I had with Cate's 'scientific' explanations in Book 1. She doesn't speak up often, and when she does she doesn't go on and on, mostly because she assumes that everyone feels the same reluctance to embrace her 'mysticism'.
KB said:
There's a story about a village where a foreign wizard moved to. A man of great and obvious power, the wizard had a large number of magical stones. Some were clear, and at a pass of the hand would shine as bright as the sun. Another seemed to be placed within a small shrine, and was a source of fresh water. Nearby, though, sat another stone that was said to capture one's soul if you looked at it, so none would dare to approach the stone of water. Finally, the most mysterious and wondrous stone sat in the middle of the hut, and while it was often a dull gray, the wizard would gaze upon it and produce colorful visions of mystifying complexity and confusing sound.
The punchline was that the poor missionary student who'd moved there never understood why the locals were so scared to come in his house. When he got home from his daily work, he'd hit the lights, then the bathroom to pee and maybe shave at the sink and vanity, then watch the small TV set he'd brought along for a while before he went to bed. With little else in the house, he couldn't see what was so scary.
"Mysticism" is all in how you look at it. My stab at retelling the story was probably pretty shoddy, but the point is still there: what can be described as "magic" might be perfectly normal and logical to others. So don't discount myths and legends out of hand, there's too many times when at least a part of it is just a distorted description of reality, as we know it.
Besides, you could say mysticism also shows up in our daily lives too, though we don't call it that. Do you know how to make everything you use? I mean EVERY step, from raw materials to processing and assembly? I doubt any of us really know ALL of those details, for EVERYTHING we use, or really appreciate the job involved at each step until we do them. Sure, we know SOMEONE at each point knows how to do the job, but there are a lot of points on how to make different items where the description would seem like just so much mumbo jumbo if we were told about it. Depending on the person, "electronics", "cooking", "chemistry", "carpentry", "textiles", "psychiatry", "economics" or some other skill sets are just things we leave to the voodoo spellcasting wizards that have a clue what to do and superstitiously back away before they rope us in to their dark arts. [Personally, I fear athletics, fashion and politics... Nay, stay back, you beings from hell ! Fie!! Fie!!!]
Chapter 11: Starting Someone Else's Hobby:
I was a little afraid the title of this chapter would escape people, being a little oblique. It refers to Alex's comment that surprising people was his new hobby. Here the title refers to how he's replacing that hobby with someone elses, namely Ryan's hobby of healing people, one that Alex doesn't feel comfortable with.
Hey, I said it was convoluted, didn't I?
Sam said:
An enjoyable chapter. A bit heavy on the Darrel foreshadowing, but not too bad.
The rest of the chapter was great. I look forward to Kitty and Chalise's reaction from the hospital visit.
The repartee with Caroline was very good! Maybe she should be Alex's first instead of either Kitty or Chalise? :-)
Dom Trucker said:
I am curious and a bit concerned how much "medical healing" Alex can do without affecting a very good storyline. I think that you might want to limit what his powers can effect a little more, such as limiting it to healing the mental faculties and speciffic organs rather than a general ability to heal almost anything, otherwise why would he need a doctor for anything.
Crumbly Writer said:
Ahh, I think it's safe to assume that, at least in THIS story, nothing is ever simple! For every step forward, there's a stumble back. Don't worry, Alex isn't going to get too carried away with this, as it's pretty self limiting. This is no panacea. It helps with certain things, but what works and what doesn't Alex will still have to struggle to figure out which. He also doesn't know what kind of complications using his abilities might have.
Besides, I suspect there might be a few interruptions in the sub-plot and his plans for Saturday.
Proxy Account said:
I think that the limitations are pretty obvious. If someone was critically injured, as in fatal injuries, nothing that Alex could do would work fast enough. Moreover, he's very limited in how he can apply his powers because he is very limited in his knowledge of anatomy, physiology, and the nature of his own powers.
Crumbly Writer said:
This chapter is interesting in that it seems to be bringing a lot of the various readers out of the woodwork. Many of the lurkers have responded to this chapter. Many of them who hadn't responded since the end of Book 1, just demonstrating that my outright attempts at bribery often fall on deaf ears (or should that be 'blind ears'?) Still, it's good to know that the story intrigues them enough to get them to reach out.
Well, luckily for all of you that the next chapter is going to focus on Alex's second date with Chalise. A nice romantic interlude between a young man and a high school sweetie. What could possibly go wrong in a situation like that???
Chapter 12: An Interesting Second Date:
Good dates can sometimes go SO wrong, despite the gentleman's best efforts to impress his girl. I guess this is one of those cases. It's a nice change from the rest of the story. I'd made an effort to leave a lot of the extraneous action out of the story, as very often it's pretty unbelievable, but I figured that this scene, like the one with Bao in Book 1, was both necessary and furthers the story as well.
Chalise and her family are going to play a big role in the rest of this book, and not just the one's you've met yet. Chalise just may have more complications than even Alex himself. 'D
So, I'm curious what everyone thinks about the ending, where Alex is getting delirious. Could anyone figure out what was happening and what everyone was saying? You weren't really meant to, but there should have been enough clues to be able to figure out what was happening to most people.
Dimek said:
Well definatly an interesting chapter. First off the conflict was due and was well done and i cant wait to see the reprecussions. Next, this chapter was a bit more insight into cate and alex's bond and i will say you did a great job o. Showing that they are and will be closer then anyone including any girlfriend slash wife will ever be to alex it seemed he was drawing strength from cate wbile hd was delerious at least i am assuming a lot of the assurances to him were from her tho even looking at her and being close seemed to help a bit which leads back to the whole wondering if cate does have an ability in link with alex abilities. As for the date with chalise was good to bad tbey were imterupted. Tho i do think perhaps alex should take some self defence classes lol
Crumbly Writer said:
Oh, I don't know Dimek, seems to me he did pretty well. He probably crippled his attacker. I think what he really needs is some classes on how to get hit on the head, as that's where all his problems came in. ;D
Yeah, I thought this reflected well on those around him, not just on Cate. The fact that she immediately ran to Chalise's defense, and that Anh and Shani both jumped on Brandon once Alex was down show their protectiveness. The fact that everyone else scattered to specific tasks show what a well oiled machine Alex has unknowingly been developing.
Yeah, risking yet another spoiler, he'll be going to Ryan's hospital. I don't know if anyone has checked or not, but geographically, there are a couple that are closer to him than that one. However, Allison and Shani both knew that he now has a special relationship with Ryan, so they thought he could do a better job of taking care of him. Especially because he would be likely to listen to what they told him about Alex's condition!
There's a whole 'nother discussion concerning the role of Ryan in this newest drama, but I'll leave that till the next chapter when he puts in an appearance.
Michale J. Jones said:
with so much of alexs powers being done in front of so many people, this is bad..kidnaping extoriton and any thing else people or the gov can use to controll his powers..and dont forget the crazies that want to kill any thing they dont understand..if alex doesent do something to relagate this expoisure or if he does not get overwhelened with people or gov wanting something from him , then what? i hope that the weiver of this story can gather up the crumbs in this story and put them in to a bettor position.. what do others think..
Crumbly Writer said:
OK, I knew this was going to eventually come up. First, let me just say that it wasn't originally planned for quite this much information to leak out about Alex. As I said, this story is dynamic, and every time a new situation develops, a little more information seems to leak out. Plus you've seen how bad I am about leaking information myself! But it's kind of hard to control a whole hospital being aware of what's going on. However, despite how much hospital staff love to gossip, they are usually pretty good about keeping that gossip 'in house', and usually won't reveal it to anyone outside of the hospital community. Especially if told explicitly NOT to by the head of the hospital.
Next, I tried, several times in the course of the first and second drafts of the story, to bring in dire warnings of secret government agencies and such. However I just couldn't pull it off, the same way I couldn't pull off having Cate jump Alex in Book 1. It has to be believable, as least moderately so. The idea of a government agency caring about Alex, when there is no way to capitalize on his abilities, just seemed pretty far fetched.
What would be more likely would be if a drug company thought they could get his DNA and patent it, not understanding what any of it did, in the hopes they could sell it once someone figured out what it actually did. But the government rarely does anything unless asked by big business, and big business is only interested in there's an immediately profit to make. If a drug company has to research for the next 20 years to eventually make a profit, their motives go WAY down. And government can't make up their minds to do ANYTHING unless someone pays (sorry, "contributes to their political campaign") them to do it!
Thus the idea of someone in the government or business kidnapping Alex seemed far fetched. His abilities are all DNA based, but no one knows what portion of his DNA, or how to identify it, or even if there was a use for it if they COULD identify it. Basically his telepathy would be the most usable, but it's like a poor man's walkie talkie. It would be great for a big time crime lord, so he could evade wiretaps. But it would only work for female crime lords, and only .1% of the population of crime lords would have the necessary trait to use it. When you stop to think about it, it gets pretty far fetched.
No, Alex's big problem is in keeping his story out of the papers. If a stray reporter starts talking about his abilities, and it becomes common knowledge, then all bets are off. Public outcry about a race of "super humans" or the said drug agency patenting his DNA without his permission (which they do all the time as it is now) would be a much likelier risk to him. That was why he skipped town soon after the press found out about him. He was afraid what the publicity would do to those he loved.
Hope that explains why I haven't stressed that part of the story. Now I know you'll all want to discuss the issue, so go at it. I'll anxiously read about all the things I didn't contemplate!
Sam said:
> Next, I tried, several times in the course of the first and second
> drafts of the story, to bring in dire warnings of secret government
> agencies and such.
I am glad. The secret government agency after a telepath is a useful ploy, but it had been done *so* many times that it has become a cliche. I would prefer not to read yet another iteration of it.
> No, Alex's big problem is in keeping his story out of the papers. If a
> stray reporter starts talking about his abilities, and it becomes
> common knowledge, then all bets are off. Public outcry about a race of
> "super humans"
I can totally see that.
> aid drug agency patenting his DNA without his permission
> (which they do all the time as it is now)
I think that is less likely. Gene research, as you noted, can be very expensive, and with uncertain economic benefit. A drug company would have to think long and hard about trying to patent something, which if it has no value -- has no value, and if it proves beneficial will have a thousand lawyers ready to litigate on behalf of Alex and his family.
> Think codetalkers.
Yes indeed, but also think of encrypted, code-jumping radios, that can be mass-produced, tuned to another frequency, and don't need special conditions to work. What you are talking about is a long research project, which *may* result in effective battlefield communication. Time and lots of dollars.
> Think Special Operations community, particularly operations in
> mountainous regions or situations where obvious commo gear is a dead-
> giveaway.
>
> Think alphabet agency covert and undercover operations (no wires and
> practically undetectable).
>
> Think NASA (Alex's power doesn't require LOS, doesn't have significant
> delay, and isn't susceptible to cosmic/solar radiation storms).
Yes, all of the above have *potential*, but will require lots and lots of time and money to research, with uncertain outcome. In the time of budget cuts, it would be hard to get. Particularly on something like telepathy that smacks of tricks, charlatans, and possibly real but hard-to-reproduce effects.
Now, it's not impossible that a powerful, visionary individual may have such strong belief in the potential, that he sways his organization and gets the budget and authorization. But it's certainly not a give, which is why I think CW decision to ignore this is perfectly plausible.
> Think FDA investigating unapproved treatments on human patients.
I don't see the FDA involved unless Alex and Co. starts to sell, in large scale, some sort of treatment. Consider all the faith healers and spiritual guides,healing through prayer, or meditation or magnets, or whatever. FDA doesn't, and can't, get involved in that.
Far more likely is an individual disgruntled patient (or his family) trying to sue for malpractice and/or complaining to the DA about practicing medicine without license.
In most situation, it's up to an individual to make trouble -- or not. Which means the author is free to make it up :-)
Crumbly Writer said:
I agree Sam, although the 'codebreaker' idea would be handy for the military, there would be no way to implement it. It's DNA based. It's not like they could program a computer to duplicate it, and given it's limitations, there'd only be a couple of people in the military who would be able to utilize it.
I'd think the 'females only' limitation would apply, even if someone could figure out what DNA segment controlled the telepathy. Plus, the females can access ALEX's telepathy, but they can't initiate it themselves. Trying to figure out the mechanism behind Alex's ability, understanding how it works and then managing to duplicate it in a small device is a decades long effort. No one is going to undertake that when radios work reasonably well for billions less!
It's a nice idea, but rather impractical. Instead, there may be an interest in doing like we did with the Indians in WWII. IF the military heard about it and IF they were receptive, they may wish to hire Alex and Co to work for them. But changes are that once he found out the military was interested in his ability, Alex would head for the hills and wouldn't stick around to discuss the reasonableness of the government's request.
Throughout the story, I've tried to temper any abilities. These are odd new abilities, not super hero powers. If Cate or Becky could figure out how they work, they could garner a Nobel prize and be the next generation's Einstein, but it's not something that would be easy to access.
Chapter 13: A 'Demented' Visit:
So, I warned you all that Alex's 'hospital adventure' wouldn't fit into a single chapter. These two chapters (13 & 14) go well together, although Alex remains in the hospital into the next week. But again, Chapters 14 & 15 fit together as well.
So new people, new research, new theories, new bad guys; what's NOT to like? 'D
Madieh said:
I am not sure how much you will be able to milk out the cops being the bad guys here with only one witness statement opposing all the others. I can see the neurosurgon sneeking behind everyone back and getting some think tank interested in Alex with the misconception that he can control people.
I don't normally respond to blogs but you have a very good story going here and I am always witing for the next chapter to come out.
Dimek said:
I find it funny that that the cop is even listening to the claims of racism when Brandon was being subdued by Shani (black) and Anh (Vietnames) and Alex was dating Chalise (black), would think the cop woulda clued in.
Crumbly Writer said:
OK, before I address the 'bad cop' issue, let me make a general statement about the chapter I'd been meaning to make but hadn't yet.
This chapter shows what happens when an author makes so many 'last minute' changes to a storyline. As a result of several recent changes (partially the Cate/Alex thing, but mostly the 'medical' subplot), I had to completely rewrite the entire chapter. In the initial draft, Alex finds himself in a curtained room in the Emergency room where he's subjected to police trying to talk to everyone in a crowded environment, he encounters Rodger (Chalise, Darrell and Brandon's father) as he rants and makes threats. However, after the recent events with Ryan, I no longer felt I could justify that occurring, figuring that Ryan would whisk him away to a private room with the very best of care. So that's what I did.
I guess one problem with that is that I had to rewrite all the various plot points and try to refold the various elements into the new story somehow. The 'bad copy/good cop' scene fits into this. Also, part of the explanation of it got dropped as well.
Proxy has a good feel for what's going on. The cop isn't so much taking Brandon's argument to heart as he's simply reacting out of anger. Initially, the cops reacted to Brandon's arguments because they're subject to such claims so frequently that they are quick to respond to them. They wanted to make sure they didn't overlook anything that might bite them in the ass later.
However, the 'bad cop' was actually upset with more than that. Principally, he was POed that HIS investigation was being dictated by a 'big city' politician. (He's basically a little fish in a little pond). Also, part of what got removed was that he was being pressured by the university and/or fans to react as well. Think of him as a small town fan of a big university football program who saw his own personal hero being taken out of action. He was also reacting out of anger at Alex's attitude himself. Here is this young smart aleck kid, who, although he can't even make a complete sentence, has everyone in the room following his beck and call. Everyone from the lowly nurse in the corner to his family, the multiple 'hangers on' and even the hospital staff.
Basically I wanted to convey an angry, over aggressive cop getting caught up in a situation he didn't understand. Realistically, he should have backed down when the word came down from on high to ease up (another recent change, as Allison wasn't even IN the initial story). Was the cop's response 'realistic'? Probably not, but it was still fun poking an apparent bad guy for a change.
Don't worry though, Alex will get a better response from cops in the future. Mostly! 'D
Just for your information, though, about the only thing that remained unscathed were most of Alex's ramblings in this chapter. I feel you can't throw away funny. Funny is hard enough to capture, if it works, you find a way to keep it!
As far as Dimek's comments about a white cop listening to claims of racism from a black perp when he was subdued by a black and an Asian, I can only point back to my own love of irony! 'D
Dimek said:
Good Chapter.
It was good to learn a bit about Gail and Jennifer. And to learn, and this is my opinion, that Chalise's father is a women beater, I look foward to see the fallout and effect on Alex and co.
Good to see Alex is recovering fast from his little hit to the head lol. I can;t wit to see Caroline's and Chalise reaction when they finally learn the truth about whatis going on with Alex and the Girls.
Now on to my Usual Cate discussions ( Yes I am a Cate fan )
First, In an earlier topic I suggested about what if cate an ability, that basically has been downplayed casue it seems Alison can tell if someone has an ability and obviously cate does not. However she does seem to be effected by his energy immensly and i still wonder how it would be if she was away from Alex for a long period of time ( like a few days or a week), Once she was able to make contact with Alex she seemed to be a lot better ( minus the crying) I know part of it is obviously the closeness of almost loosing alex but i still wonder if somehow without her realising it she has become dependent on his energy.
Second.. I like to believ like Alex is beginning to that Chalise is possibly aware of cate and his relationship, at the least she is probaly aware that Cate is Head over heels in Love with Alex, and not just sisterly love either. I do like how they are bonding and how she ran to try and comfort Cate, just reinforces the idea that they are all growing closer ( hmm Cate did say she was Bi).
Third.. And this is just my view. The last part when Brooke said welcome to the inner circle.. Well imo that was disrespectful. I like to think Cate was part of the inner circle all along not just now. There has been a few times that i personaly think the girls showed great disrespect for Cate,
1. When Cate and Alex had the little spat in Book 1 the girls took upon themselves to rake her over the coals and giver her grief when really should never have been their business.
2. Was shani with the whole lesbian bit, and even tho Alex told her not to worry about it i still think she should have owned up and told Cate that it was her that brought forth the idea not Alex.
3. In this chapter when Allsion was discussing the current girls Roles she mentioned eveyone but Cate and what her role was.
For Brooke to say Welcome to the inner circle is absurd,like they were all better and more special becuase they had abilities and Cate did not. She is the inner circle she will be closer to Alex then ANY of them ever will be, sure he loves them but not like Cate.
Crumbly Writer said:
You bring up some good points. Just a few items though.
Allison said she can see what 'areas' get activated in the brain. She didn't say she could detect who would get activated. Patricia said she'd been doing some research on her own, and she THOUGHT she might be able to pick who may or may not be susceptible, but she learned this after Cate had left, so she wouldn't be able to apply the knowledge to Cate.
(I'll admit I may have planted a few ideas about them being able to see the watchers abilities, but I'm not sold on that myself).
The business with Alex insisting on taking the blame for Shani's false assumption, that was more to establish Alex as being protective of his sister, just as she is protective of him. Shani allowed him to do that because she realized what he was trying to achieve, and she thought it was better for both of them for him to assume the blame.
Likewise, the 'piling on' of Alex's girls on Cate was less about them disliking Cate as their simply not being able to withhold their objection to what they saw as an ongoing abuse of Alex. And even then, they only brought it up when it came up in the general conversation. (Actually, both the teasing and the eventual dumping on the teaser are largely based on my Ex. She always teased like that, which was fine, until I had a breakdown, then suddenly it wasn't anymore and we both realized how destructive it was.)
I can't quite remember the context of Brooke welcoming Cate to the 'inner circle', but I'm thinking it was said in relation to Cate's own behavior (or maybe it was a reflection on Brooke's part about how Natalie and Rebecca typically felt).
Still, I think many of your points are pretty good. Of course, acknowledging that doesn't do much. I guess I could go back and remove the 'welcome to the inner circle' comment, but otherwise it's hard to unsay things that have been said. I can't take out the accusations in 'Cate Chapter' without Cate never realizing what she'd done and subsequently changing for the better. I could remove the bit about Suggesting that Cate is a lesbian, but frankly I liked the misdirection as a way of showing how all their theories are just as likely to be wrong as they are of being right.
The discussion about Cate and Alex goes on, but....
Several items to address. First, starting next Tuesday I'll be merging the posting of my two sites into a single process. This will free up a LOT of my time currently spent coding each chapter that I post here. However, it will mean several things.
1) The number of posting will go from 6 chapters a week to only 2 (my normal posting schedule),
2) There will be NO more posting of individual chapters. Instead, each Tuesday/Thursday I'll post a the Chapter listings, each of which will point to the original postings on my Other site.
3) The Blog will be replaced. Instead, each chapter will have a link to the author's site at the top of the page which will lead you to my Blog. There you'll find a lot of general information you'll probably already be familiar with. However, there will also be a link to my Story Discussion Group. That's where all these blog entries have been extracted from.
You're all welcome to visit the discussion group. There's no membership required, so feel free to just read and not make any comments, although you may have to sign up with Google before you can access the site! (The site itself requires no sign up).