Celestial Reviews 90 - June 12, 1996

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      Real Slow Smile by Deidre Ng (watersports) 10, 9, 7
      Forever by Uther Pendragon (romantic wedding night
            9.5, 9, 10
      My Six Year Itch by Maryanne X (one-night romance) 
             10, 10, 10
      Silent Intruder by Annette (one-night ecstasy)  10, 10, 10
      Buckets of Cum by Mark Aster (private orgy) 10, 10, 10
      Broken Rubber by WebGypsy (date rape) 9, 9, 6
      Laura by Steve Zodiac (wife watching) 5, 5, 1

Real Slow Smile by Deidre Ng (Deidreng@aol.com).  I have occasionally 
enjoyed taking a leak in the Great Outdoors.  My enjoyment, I have 
always assumed, was related to my sense of freedom and my feeling of 
oneness with nature - and maybe breaking a taboo.  Come to think of it, 
there was also I time when I came home real horny and a bit inebriated 
when my husband was out of town; and the masturbation and urination are 
kind of blurred in my mind.  On the other hand, I dont think it would 
be even remotely interesting to watch a bunch of guys lined up doing 
their thing at the urinals, nor do I have any urge to be pissed on by 
my husband.  In fact, I like it a lot better when he washes before I 
take his cock in my mouth.

Having said this, I should add that I find it refreshing to read 
watersports stories about normal and/or sexy people.  I think the main 
difference between me and some of these people lies in a simple 
difference in the timing of significant life events - like when we 
first noticed it was neat to piss, how our parents reacted, and the 
degree to which we differentiated early in our lives between sexual and 
eliminative functions.  I guess getting turned on by urination is 
normal, and associating it with sex is probably something Pavlov could 
explain.  Getting sexually aroused by piss probably falls in the same 
category as getting turned on by perfumes and other odors - only its a 
lot cheaper.

This story was a shift for Deidre Ng, both in content and in style.  
The story combines a couple of sequences at a party with a motorcycle-
cop fantasy; and the combination is well done.  My relatively low 
Celeste rating for this story is a reflection of my lack of interest 
in the topic; I found myself reading this more as a clinician than as a 
potential participant.  People more interested in watersports would 
possibly rate this a 10.

Ratings for Real Slow Smile
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

Forever by Uther Pendragon (an569889@anon.penet.fi).  This is the 
story of a man and a woman getting to know each other on that rarest of 
all events on a.s.s. - the wedding night between a husband and wife who 
have not yet copulated. I went through this initiation rite myself. 
This story describes how my husband and I expected our own wedding 
night to be, but our actual experience was a lot funnier than this one.  
Id tell you about it; but you had to be there to really enjoy it.  
This is a well-written, sentimental story by a new author.  I hope he 
writes many more stories.  Any author named after the father of King 
Arthur cant be all bad.  {Incidentally, it was Uther Pendragon - not 
his son Arthur - who established the Round Table on Merlin's advice. 
Uther later found his true heir (Arthur) through the ole sword-in-the-
stone test.}

Ratings for Forever
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

My Six Year Itch by Maryanne X (through Peter Principle at 
an347524@anon.penet.fi).  The narrator is a woman who has been married 
for several years to an upwardly mobile young man who travels a lot.  
She is a customer service representative, and she flirts with a 
handsome Australian man at one of her training sessions.  They make 
passionate love and she never sees him again after that one night.  The 
activity that had become routine lovemaking with her husband was 
passionate, lustful, wildly enjoyable sex with this near stranger.  The 
author does an excellent job of describing the ambivalence, passion, 
and other emotions experienced by the narrator.

Ratings for My Six Year Itch
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

Silent Intruder by Annette (an545004@anon.penet.fi).  The young girl 
is feeling dejected on the eve of her sixteenth birthday.  She has 
quarreled with her boyfriend, and the family is throwing a small party 
to try to cheer her up.  Shes in the pits of depression.  But wait!  
Her brother comes home from the air force with a friend who will stay 
overnight.  Hes a hunk, and her brother arranges for him to slip into 
her room through the window for a night of ecstatic bliss.

The title has three meanings.  The young man is a pilot of a stealth 
aircraft - a Silent Intruder.  He enters her room noiselessly; and even 
though their sex is wildly enjoyable, they must be silent, since the 
parents room is right next door.  The final meaning youll have to 
guess; but it has to do with those silent little critters that squirt 
forth from the penis during intercourse - and supply a good reason to 
take precautions against pregnancy before doing something like this.  

In the United States air force pilots who do things like this become 
responsible for child support and are subject to presecution for 
statutory rape; and sixteen-year-old girls who get pregnant have about 
a 90% chance of dropping out of school and living their life in 
miserable poverty on public welfare. However, this story shows obvious 
signs of British authorship, and I think the Brits would simply send 
both the pilot and the girl to a penal colony in Australia, where they 
would become pillars of the community in Alice Springs or some such 
place.  But it was a really good fantasy!

Practicality aside, this is a good story.  The author does an 
exceptional job of making the need for silence seem really sexy.

Ratings for Silent Intruder
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

Buckets of Cum by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).  I suspect that this 
story is a set-up. The author knows I have been critical of Wannafuck 
and Buckets of Cum stories, and he wants to see if Ill praise a 
story with those words in the title.  Ill show him!

As you may recall, Pat has decided to get herself pregnant and Our Hero 
has agreed to be the father. The story begins with Our Hero waking up 
with a wet pussy tightly surrounding his cock, coming three times 
before he himself shoots a load into her cunt.  Then Madamoiselle has a 
special request:  "Would you mind if we stayed in bed today, and you 
kept me full of sperm?"  Shes serious.  And theres not even a 
television in the bedroom with a remote control that will enable him to 
watch Power Ranger reruns.  Our Hero is going to have to spend the 
whole goddam day in bed with this sensuous woman with huge, soft 
breasts and a pussy that will occasionally suck his cock dry.  Talk 
about bad breaks!  Oh - I forgot to mention that Pat also has a 
marvelous ass.

According to my count, it was during the fourth attempt at sperm 
implantation that Our Heros dick failed to rise out of its stand of 
blissful relaxation, in spite of Pats kindly and persistent 
ministrations.  In other words, Russell the Wonder Muscle was dead in 
the water.  Not to worry.  Exit Pat; enter Julie - whose lovely lips 
and lively tongue bring Old Glory to full staff.  Exit Julie; enter Pat 
- and the deposit is happily entered where it will most profitably bear 
fruit.  Actually, I exaggerated for dramatic effect - Pat stayed in the 
general vacinity to enjoy the fun.

On and on it goes.  Youd think all this fucking would get boring, but 
it doesnt.  The author always manages to come up with a new twist - so 
to speak.  Im not absolutely certain, but I think they broke the world 
record for orgasms by a single male/female human pair within a 24-hour 
period - a record previously held by my husband and myself.  If you 
want to try for this record yourself, here is a set of guidelines:  (1)  
Have the guy abstain from sex for two days.  They didnt do this in the 
story, and we didnt do it on purpose; but this will help.  (2)  
Increase manual and oral stimulation of the ole power tool during later 
activity.  (3)  Bring in one or more female friends to help Mr. Wiggly 
arise to the occasion when his energy begins to wane.  (4)  Use 
blindfolds and bondage as the situations demand.  The preceding 
guidelines will work most effectively if the two people are actually in 
love and really hot for each other and employ sensible habits for 
flirting and romance that sexy people normally apply.  These guidelines 
focus on keeping the guys love missile firing.  My assumption (shared 
by Pat) is that the woman will have little trouble banging away if 
shes really hot for a properly honed man.

Ratings for Buckets of Cum
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

Broken Rubber by WebGypsy (WG@Metro.com).  The Native American was 
giving a tour of the reservation to tourists visting the casino 
operated by his tribe.  Among our ancestors, he told them, infants 
were often named after an animal or object that was important in their 
parents lives.  My grandfather was Screaming Eagle.  My father was 
Running Bear.  Whats your name? asked the tourist.  Broken 
Rubber, replied the guide.  Thats an interesting anecdote, but it has 
nothing to do with why the present story has this title.

The guy has been dating a prissy little bitch who wont let him come 
inside her.  She is demonically possessed by the notion that she wants 
to become pregnant only by the man she marries, and he has no intention 
of marrying her.  But he wants to feel his hot naked cock inside her 
tight little pussy.  She doesnt drink; so getting her drunk is out of 
the question.  In addition, hes afraid to force himself on her, 
because she would probably scream rape.  Whats a guy to do?

Answer: He comes up with an ingenious plan.  Through careful scientific 
experimentation he discovers that by the right combination of putting 
the rubber in the microwave and in boiling water he can preserve the 
outward appearance of the package while assuring that the prophylactic 
will disintegrate during the early stages of intercourse.  All goes 
according to plan.  His girlfriend realizes only too late that she has 
been had.  Naturally, he never sees her again after the successful 
copulation.

Advice: (1) This probably wouldnt work.  (2)  The girl could scream 
rape as easily under these circumstances as under other circumstances.  
But its an interesting idea.  I suppose women who want to entrap 
boyfriends into marriage could try the same technique; but that would 
be another story.

Ratings for Broken Rubber
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6

Laura by Steve Zodiac (labelwhore@it.com).  Let me share something 
with you.  My sister is a white lady married to a black man.  Shes 
nowhere near as good as I am in the sack, and I suspect her husband 
lacks the marital skills displayed by my husband; but those are very 
high standards, and they seem to be happy.  I have several other very 
close black female friends, and one of them is married to a black guy.  
Again, they seem to be happy.  Neither of these couples nor I would 
deny that they encounter social hostility that they and their children 
could do without; but if I were to write their true stories for 
a.s.s., their race would be an irrelevant factor.  The race of these 
people probably DOES make a difference, just as my husbands eyes and 
skin and his ethnic background influence his appeal to me.  However, we 
have had very frank conversations about our sex lives (because we like 
to talk about sex, not race), and I can honestly see no generalization 
that can be made about either the stud value of the African-American 
male or the submissive status of the white woman married to one of 
these guys.

In the present series of stories, Laura is a white lady married to a 
white man.  The husband gets extremely turned on by hearing her 
describe to him the exciting and perverse things that black men do to 
her. Lauras escapades invariably include black guys with monster 
cocks who say things to her like, Suck that black cock you white 
bitch.  I guess people have a right to be turned on by whatever moves 
them; but I think theres something seriously dysfunctional in a 
society where people of one race view members of another race as part 
of some sort of brutish sub-species with greatly exaggerated 
animalistic capabilities.

My relatively low rating for the technical quality of this story is not 
an attempt on my part to get even with the author for disagreeing with 
my social views; the writing is partly coherent, but generally bad.  My 
rating for the content of the story is equally low, because I dont 
think this story reflects reality - although it does epitomize the 
fanatasies that some white people hold regarding black people.  
Finally, the even lower rating for appeal to reviewer accurately 
reflects my feeling that stories like this really suck.  My experience 
has been that stories that describe realistic and hot sex between 
members of different races dont even mention race in the title or in 
the alphabet soup of labels on the title line.  Stories that are 
labeled interracial usually contain little beyond exploitive sex 
based on inanely stupid stereotypes.

Ratings for Laura
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 1


