"The Bitches Upstairs" by Mandible (" mandible"@deaths.door). This one is listed as "BITCHES" on its title line, but its real title is "The Bitches Upstairs." That's not the only thing about this story that is kind of hard to explain.

The narrator and his roommate Gene call the girls upstairs the Bitches, because they are haughty and beautiful. You see - bitches try to put you in your place. If you get in a subordinate place when they put you there, you are a wimp as far as they are concerned. If you notice them but don't seem to care much, they are offended and try to attract you. If you become attracted, you can then be put in your place. An easy assumption of superiority usually works wonders on them. Our narrator has acted as though he'd just come from visiting a chick way better than them, and barely noticed them. So he is one leg up on them, so to speak.

So one day after Gene has gone home for vacation the phone rings and a sexy voice tells him, "If you can get up here in five minutes with a pitcher of margaritas, you can have a blow job." He declines of course; but then since it is impossible to decline cum (see first note at the beginning of this issue) he hauls ass upstairs, but discovers that it is a prank. But then all three Bitches make it up to him.

This is an improbable but delightful story.