"My Sister Jean" by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com). Guest Review by Piper. {Note from Celeste: I have previously reviewed 2 earlier chapters of "My Sister Jean," and I am reposting those reviews below.}
I'm sure there are lots of perve..., uh, people out there who saw the word "incest" in the story description and downloaded it strictly in the hope of finding a couple (or more) of family members doing the nasty. You know, like in Frank McCoy's stories. Or Tiffany's. Or even Michael K. Smith's. Not here, I'm not sorry to say. At least, not in the first 19 chapters.
(Insert - picture of some overgrown pimply-faced no-longer-adolescent guy sitting down, hunched over, with his nose six inches from the monitor and drool running down from his open mouth and dripping off his chin into his keyboard).
The author sent Celeste a copy of chapter 19, asking her to review it, even
though he "knows" (and explains in his letter) it's not really her thing.
Incest, that is. Nor is reviewing incomplete stories (one chapter out of
many, with maybe one, maybe several, left to come). However, since Celeste
is usually quite accommodating, but is currently rather overburdened with
getting the new school year off to a flying start, she passed the baton to me
Unknown to Celeste (obviously), I've already read all 19 chapters (I guess
she knows now!). It's going to be difficult writing about _only_ the latest
one. So, what the heck. I'll write about the latest chapter _and_ about the
whole thing.
Hey, this is actually a good story - let me emphasize *story* - about two
relatively normal kids growing up. One is a typical over-hormoned teenage
guy with a lust for anything vaguely feminine. The other one is his equally
libidinous but much more controlled fox of a sister. The guy has a panty
fetish, by the way. That's how his sister first caught him; he was sniffing
around in the clothes hamper.
Over the course of time, they develop a code of honor, and start some
low-grade experimentation with each other. Like exposure. Touching. Things
like that. They don't _do the nasty_ right away. All the previous chapters
explore different situations, how they deal with each other's wants and
desires, and dig into how they feel about each other, the rest of the family,
and the world at large. This is fun stuff! Richly detailed, imaginative,
and engrossing. The author even manages to pull off using "natural" language
in his conversations without getting stilted or slangy.
Chapter 19 takes place on Little Cayman (Island). There's lots of innuendo,
sexy talk, some emotional bits, gameplay, and a bit of mental manipulation.
And some scuba diving. And a very pretty (slightly older) dive master.
This isn't the kind of stuff to get you off. However, it is the kind of
stuff that will make you go look for your spouse (or whomever) to help you
get off. Titillation. That's the word I'm looking for. The almost-done
deed. But, despite the author's claim that this chapter stands up well on
its own, it doesn't. Not really. This chapter is a continuation of the
previous one and a setup for the next one(s). Also, if I had read this
chapter without knowing any of the previous history of these characters, it
would have been impossible to understand the reasoning behind some of their
conversations and actions. Like who Ian and Jan are. And the "sex
agreement" the two siblings have. It isn't explained in this segment. Of
course, the easy fix is to read all of the chapters in order.
One thing I will suggest to BillyG is that, unless he's purposefully trying
to leave in those amateurish little mistakes, that he either go over the
story carefully a second (or third) time, or get himself hooked up with a
proofreader. Spell-checking alone just doesn't cut it. In several spots,
missing or misused words really derailed the story flow. (Yeah, I know,
we're getting pickier and pickier around here about them dang homonyms and
missing bits of sentence structure. Life's a beach. And then you diet. Or
is it the other way around?)