Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Title: Brenda & Ian Ch.  01
Summary: Two cousins get close through tragedy.
Keywords: inc,fic
   Friday, March 12
   The student cafeteria wasn't crowded that day as Ian took a spot near
the front.  He piled his backpack and jacket on a chair next to him,
stretched his legs, and waited for his cousin.  Ian, a veterinary medicine
major, had finished his last final of the winter quarter and looked forward
to the spring break that awaited him.  He had no specific plans for the
break, but since his parents were on vacation in Russia, Finland, or God
knows where else, he had the house to himself and could do pretty much what
he wanted.  No, he wasn't going to throw party after party, mainly because
most of his friends were going to Florida or Texas to a nice, warm beach.
Secondly, he didn't hang around with the big party crowd and wasn't much of
a partier anyway.  Besides, the neighbors would stand in line to tell his
parents once they returned home.
   Ian glanced at his watch and frowned.  He was getting pretty hungry and
thought that Brenda would have been there by now.  She almost always beat
him there and it was unusual for her to be late for anything.  They tried
to meet weekly for lunch, but sometimes it would be a couple weeks or a
month between meetings because of classes or other scheduling malfunctions.
He knew that she had had a final that morning, but thought that she would
have been finished by now.
   He was just about to give up and get in line when he saw her bound into
the cafe full of energy, her short brown hair flying everywhere.
   "Sorry I'm late," she said as she dumped her books into the chair with
Ian's stuff.  "The test was a little harder than I expected, plus the grad
asses were late.  Anyway, I'm here, so what's on the menu?"
   "It's the same as always," Ian said as he got up to go to the chow line.
Brenda followed and looked at the choices.  Ian already had a slice of
pizza on his plate and was reaching for a sub sandwich.  Brenda didn't
really see anything that appealed to her, so she selected a salad and a
coke.  Ian paid for the meals, he insisted, and they made their way back to
the table.
   Once they were settled, Ian asked her the question that led off most of
their discussions, "So, you still a virgin?"
   Brenda rolled her eyes like she always did when he asked the question
first.  "Of course I am.  Want to check?"
   "Sure, you want to do it here or go to my house?"
   Brenda shook the table a bit with her hands.  "This seems sturdy enough,
let's do it here."
   "Alrighty then...." Ian slapped his hands on the table as Brenda started
to giggle.  Ian smiled and leaned back in his chair.
   "Well, what about you?" Brenda asked.
   "Chaste as a newborn."
   "Is there any hope for us?"
   "God, I hope so," Ian said laughing, "but this is getting kind of old,
you know."
   "It sure is," Brenda agreed between bites.  "Maybe I'll find someone
after I graduate.  I sure haven't done very well in my four years here."
   "You'll be too busy with your MBA to worry about guys."
   "Thanks for helping me with that picture," she replied disgustedly. 
"You could at least give me some hope for the near future.
   "Anything for you, cuz."
   The banter continued throughout the meal as they shared their day with
each other.  They mostly talked about spring break and their plans for it.
Brenda had no plans, either, so they decided to hang out together since
neither were dating anyone at that time.  Truthfully, they preferred each
other's company to anyone that they had dated recently, so it made sense to
them.  They finished their lunches quickly and talked for almost another
hour.  Finally, as it approached two o'clock, they packed up to go home.
   "Well, Ian," Brenda said as she slipped her coat on, "I guess I'll see
you next week sometime.  Give me a call Sunday and we'll work out some
plans."
   "Sure," he replied, "but if you don't hear from me by noon, call me and
wake up my lazy ass!"
   "Okay," laughed Brenda, "I'll do that." She smiled at Ian as her brown
eyes sparkled.  Ian always loved to look at her eyes because they reminded
him of a fawn's eyes.  They were easily her best feature.  "Well, I'll talk
to you later," she said after she gave him a friendly peck on the cheek.
   "Okay, see you," he called after her before she disappeared into a
crowd. Within seconds, she was gone and Ian picked up his backpack and
left.
   It was after ten o'clock in the evening and Ian's body was telling him
that it was time to go to bed.  He was in his dad's study listening to the
stereo; his was on the fritz and his dad's was awesome.  He turned off the
stereo, left the study and started the long climb of stairs to his room. 
He was but halfway up when the phone began to ring from the room below.  He
debated on whether or not to answer it, but curiosity got the best of him.
Since his mom and dad had been on vacation for the past two weeks, he
thought that it might be them checking in, as they liked to do.  He reached
the phone on the fifth ring and answered it in the most pleasant voice that
he could muster, considering how tired he was.
   "Hello, Nicks residence, Ian speaking."
   A frantic voice answered on the other end, "Oh Ian, thank God you
answered!" Brenda cried.
   "What's wrong Brenda?  What's up?" Ian asked, alarmed by the tone of her
voice.
   "Mom and dad have been in a terrible accident.  We're at the University
Hospital.  Please come, I'm so scared!"
   "Okay, okay," Ian said, suddenly alert, "how bad are they?"
   "I don't know!" she sobbed.  "No one's told me anything.  Please, please
come," she pleaded.
   "Sure, sure, Brenda.  I'll be there as soon as possible," he assured
her.
   "I don't know what I'd do without you," she said between sobs.  "I
didn't know who else to call."
   Ian said, "I'll be there in a few minutes.  Just hang on."
   "Okay, I will.  Thank you, Ian."
   "Anything for you, I'll be there soon."
   Ian hung up the phone quickly, turned, and ran up the stairs two at a
time to his room.  Once there, he grabbed his wallet, keys, and some money
and then hurried down the stairs to the kitchen.  Before he opened the door
to the garage, he turned off most of the lights and set the alarm system.
   Once in the garage, Ian pressed the switch to open the garage door.  It
was raining heavily and knowing his Uncle Harry's driving habits, Ian
figured that Harry got careless on the slick pavement and slid off the
road. And knowing his driving habits, Ian knew that he would have to be
extra careful unless he wanted to end up in a bed next to his aunt and
uncle.  Ian got into his BMW 325i and started the engine.  It turned over
quietly and he switched off the stereo so that he could concentrate on his
driving.  He pulled out of the garage and pressed the button to close the
garage door.  Normally, it would take only about fifteen minutes to get to
the University Hospital, but the hard rain would make it a bit longer.  He
put the car into gear and left his house behind.
   Brenda sat in a chair by the nurses station, waiting for news, any news
about her parents.  She had been there for about an hour and a half and no
one had come to talk to her.  She was getting scared, frustrated, and angry
because of the lack of information.  Brenda had spoken to two nurses who
said that they would get back to her, but neither one had returned.  No one
was at the desk at this time, so she couldn't vent her frustration at
anyone.  Just when she was about to go through the doors of the emergency
room and find out for herself, a nurse called her name from the emergency
room door that she had just opened.  Brenda picked up her purse and jacket
and went to the nurse.  She led her past bed after bed until they were at
the end and only a small waiting room was left.  Two doctors in green
scrubs were inside and the nurse opened the door and motioned Brenda to
enter.
   "Miss Barringer, please be seated, " said the first doctor, a tall, red
head with black glasses.
   Brenda did as asked and said, "How are they?  When can I see them?"
   The doctors exchanged glances and the second doctor, an elderly man with
a huge nose, said, "I'm afraid we have some bad news for you."
   Out on the road, Ian took his time and took no chances.  He really
wanted to be there for Brenda, who was his only cousin on his mom's side of
the family and they were extremely close, unlike his mom and uncle.  Even
as youths, they never got along and because of a big fight five years
prior, had not spoken to each other since.  Oddly, they had never tried to
keep Ian and Brenda apart.  Brenda was twenty-two and in her last year of
college, whereas Ian was twenty-one and one class behind.  They rarely saw
each other on campus because of their differing majors, but their lunch
dates were becoming legendary.  Ian's father was particularly upset at his
choice of major, since he wanted Ian to follow him in the oil business.
   "A vet is a waste of time," he kept saying, "at least be an MD and make
some decent money." He finally relented when Ian assured him that because
of his love of horses, he would specialize in thoroughbreds, noting his
dad's weakness for the ponies.  Ian lied, of course, but the subject rarely
came up after that.
   Brenda had had an older brother, Ryan, a troubled youth who grew into an
even more troubled adult.  Six years her elder, she adored him and tried to
help him through his problems.  That all came to an end three years ago
when the heroin that he shot into his arm was a bit too pure for his heart
to handle.  Devastated and faulting herself for his death, Brenda spiraled
into a deep depression that caused her to drop out of school for half a
year.  Through grit, determination, and a lot of prodding from Ian, she
pulled herself out of her darkness and attacked her studies with a renewed
vengeance.
   "I finally realized," she confided in Ian later, "that he was going to
kill himself no matter what I or anyone did."
   Thinking about that time brought tears to Ian's eyes that matched the
rain pouring on his windshield.  Although the wipers were on high, Ian
still found it hard to see.
   Even after Ryan's funeral, which Ian's mom refused to attend, their
parents never interfered.  Ian guessed that they figured that they would
see each other at school, so what was the difference?  But, Ian also
thought that his aunt and uncle were grateful to him for helping Brenda so
much during that dark period.
   Ian looked forward to their lunches very much.  They were lively and
they always had stories to share about their continuing love-life saga, or
lack thereof.  Both dated occasionally, but they never seemed to find the
right person to really click with.  They seemed to resign themselves to the
fact that marriage was not in the immediate future for either of them.  Ian
always found it hard to believe that Brenda didn't have that much success
dating.  Although she was not a glamour queen, she was quite pretty and Ian
would have dated her in a heartbeat.  She was about five feet seven inches
tall and around one hundred and forty pounds.  Athletically built, she had
played volleyball in high school and was honorable mention all-state in her
senior year.  She played her first year in college, but her playing time
was low and after Ryan's death, she lost interest.  She still worked out in
a gym three times a week with weight training and aerobics and seemed to
have the energy of three people.  However, it was her eyes that set her
apart from most girls.  They were big, brown, and doe-like.  They could
melt you like spring butter or put you in your place with a glare.  She had
flared them but once at Ian and that was enough for him.  He had suggested
that she not waste her energy on her addict brother; that she would wear
herself out eventually.  But, she had other ideas and told Ian where he
could put his suggestion.  Ian never brought up the subject again and
supported her the best that he could, although he detested Ryan for putting
his family through so much hell.
   Ian pulled into the emergency entrance and he glanced at his watch.  It
had taken him almost a half hour to get there.  The lot was about half full
as he looked for a parking space.  Seeing Brenda's car, he parked as close
to it as possible.
   Trying not to get thoroughly soaked, Ian ran to the doors of the
emergency entrance and stepped through when they opened.  Looking left and
right, he didn't see his brown-haired cousin, only strangers.  As Ian
approached the desk, he saw Brenda come out of a room down the hall to his
left.  Head down, she slowly sank down to a crouched position, her back
still against the wall.  Ian excused himself from the nurse who had just
arrived to help and he hurried down the corridor.  Hearing footsteps coming
towards her, Brenda looked up with tears streaming down her face.  She
quickly straightened up and with her arms outstretched, she ran to Ian. 
When they met, she threw her arms around him and buried her face in his
chest, crying hysterically.  Holding her close, trying to comfort her, Ian
said nothing as she sobbed, her shoulders convulsing and hugging him as if
her life depended on it.
   After a few minutes, Brenda composed herself and pushed away from him,
her eyes puffy, red, and filled with tears.  Before Ian could say anything,
she whispered, "Daddy's dead and mom's not going to make it, either."
Brenda then threw herself into his arms again, crying, while all Ian could
do was hold her.
   Minutes later, Ian led her to a nearby waiting room that was unoccupied
and sat her down on one of the small sofas.  Ian was still holding her and
letting her vent her anguish as he tried to think through the events and
what was to come.  Brenda was now alone, or would be shortly, except for
himself and a smattering of relatives scattered about.  He wondered what
would become of her and whether she would be able to handle such a terrible
tragedy so soon after her brother's death.
   After a minute or two, Brenda broke the embrace once more.  She looked
at Ian with tear-welled eyes and then looked down.  Ian reached into his
pocket and produced a clean handkerchief and handed it to her.  Grateful,
she took it from him and began to dab her eyes.  Even in her anguish and
sorrow, she somehow managed a small smile.  She tried to give it back to
Ian, but he held her hand in both of his and told her to keep it.
   "Thank you, you're so sweet," she said, trying to choke back her tears.
Ian stared at her blankly as an awkward silence fell between them.  There
were so many things that Ian wanted to ask or say but couldn't.  Brenda
looked down at the knotted cloth in her hand as tears started to fall
freely once more.  Ian released her hand and she held the cloth to her
face.
   "They let me see him," she continued.
   "They did?"
   "Yeah.  They tried to clean him and make him look better before they let
me in." She dabbed her eyes once more.  "It was awful.  I mean his face was
battered and bruised like he'd been in a fight or something." She stopped
to blow her nose.  "One side was purple and swollen.  It was just awful!"
Brenda struggled to keep her composure.
   "How did it happen?" Ian dared to ask.
   "No one seems to know.  The police are still there, I suppose."
   "What about your mom?"
   "Well," Brenda said slowly, trying to remain calm, "she's basically
brain-dead and they're running tests before they ask me to give permission
to end life support." Brenda looked up and tried to blink some tears away.
   "You don't know how sorry I am.  If there's anything that I can do for
you..."
   "You're here," she interrupted, "that's all that matters to me now." She
settled her head onto Ian's chest and sighed heavily.  "Please hold me and
don't let go," she whispered.
   "Of course," Ian said softly as he wrapped his arms around her.  Ian
kissed her on top of her head and tried to push a few strands of hair from
her face.  An hour later, as Ian was stroking her cheek with the back of
his hand, a nurse came into the room.
   "Miss Barringer," she said, "it's time."
   "Time?" Brenda blinked, not comprehending.
   "The doctors want to talk to you," she said softly.
   Ian glanced at the clock on the wall and it was almost midnight.  He
released his hold and stood up slowly.  Looking down at his cousin, Ian saw
that she was making no effort to leave the sofa.
   "Brenda," Ian said quietly.  Slowly, she looked up at him, her eyes
scared beyond terror.
   "I can't," she said helplessly.
   "I'll be with you," Ian said, extending his hand to her.
   "I...I...can't!" she wailed, tears erupting once again.
   "I'll be with you," Ian said again, softly, reassuring.
   "I don't think I can do it," she whispered, barely audble.
   "I won't let you be alone.  I'll be right beside you," he said
earnestly.
   "Please don't leave me," she begged.
   "Never."
   Slowly, she eased herself from the sofa.  Brenda took Ian's hand to
steady herself and nodded to the nurse to lead the way.  Holding hands,
they followed the nurse to a conference room not far from where they had
been.  It was a small room with a round table that seated six.  Two doctors
rose from their seats as they entered.  One was a short, squat, middle aged
gentleman and the other was a tall female with unremarkable features.  The
nurse showed them to their seats and they sat down, as did the doctors. 
The male doctor spoke first.
   "I am Dr.  Haynes and this is Dr.  Mulcahy," he said as he gestured to
the female.  "First, I want to convey my heartfelt condolences to you.  I
know this is a terrible time for you and I'm sorry."
   "Thank you," Brenda said softly, looking down at her hand still being
held by Ian's.
   "We've gotten the results of the test, " he continued, "and I'm sorry,
but we see no hope for your mother recovering."
   Brenda closed her eyes tightly and wept silently.
   "There is no brainwave activity and she's living only because of the
life support system.  It is my opinion and that of Dr.  Mulcahy's that it
would be best to turn off the life support and let nature take its course."
   Brenda looked up and faced the doctors.  "There's no chance at all?" she
asked quietly.
   "No, dear," Dr.  Mulcahy answered, "there's too much head trauma and her
kidneys and other organs are beginning to shut down."
   "I see." Brenda looked down blankly, eyes fixed on her lap.  "What do
you want from me?" she asked finally, dreading the answer.
   Dr.  Haynes said, "We'd like for you to give permission to turn off the
life support and end your mother's suffering."
   "I see," she said again, but made no further comment.  The doctors
waited patiently for her to say more.  Her shoulders began to shake
slightly as the tears began to fall once more.  Ian put his hand on her
shoulder and squeezed lightly.  She looked at him, her eyes pleading for
help.
   "I don't know what to do!" she cried as she laid her head on his hand.
   Ian looked at her and then at the doctors.  "Could you excuse us for a
few minutes?" he asked.
   "Of course," Dr.  Haynes replied, "we'll be right outside." The doctors
left the room quietly and they were alone.
   After the door shut, Brenda pushed back her chair abruptly and walked to
the other side of the room with her back to Ian.  Not knowing what to say,
Ian remained silent.  Brenda remained still, her hands clasped in front of
her at her waist.  Without warning, she slammed her right palm against the
wall.
   "I can't do it!" she cried as she hit the wall again.  "I can't do it! I
can't do it!" She fell to her knees, crying hysterically.  "I can't do it,
I can't do it," she said over and over again.
   Ian rushed to her side and tried to hold her, but she shook him off, not
wanting to be touched.  She rocked back back and forth, hugging herself and
sobbing as Ian stood helplessly nearby.  A few minutes later, she let Ian
hold her as she started to calm down little by little.
   "I can't do this," she whispered as she looked at him, "I'd be killing
her.  I couldn't live with that."
   "Sweetheart, she's already dead.  You heard what the doctors said.  The
only reason she's alive is because of a machine.  She's not really living."
   "I know, but..."
   "Let me ask you something."
   "Okay."
   "Would your mom want to live like this?  Would she want to be alive only
because a machine was breathing for her?"
   Brenda looked down, knowing that Ian was right.  "Never.  She would
never want to be like this."
   Ian moved around until he was facing her.  He put both hands on her
shoulders and said, "You wouldn't be killing her.  You would be giving her
a gift, a gift to be with your dad.  This is one last thing that you can do
for her." He looked deep into her beautiful eyes.  "I think it's something
that she'd want you to do."
   Brenda looked down and sighed heavily.  Shaking her head back and forth,
she said, "I just don't want to let go.  Daddy's already gone..."
   "I know..."
   "No, you don't know!" she snapped.  "You have no idea.  My father is
dead and now, they want me to pull the plug on my mom.  Besides going to
class, what big decision did you make today?  What tee shirt to wear?  This
is a little bit tougher than that!"
   "I'm not trying to trivialize it, Brenda."
   "Damn it, I know," she cried, "but I can't let go." Brenda looked down,
ashamed of her weakness.  She took the handkerchief from her pocket and
wiped her eyes and nose with it.  "I know I should do it.  I know that
she'll never recover.  I know that she would want it done this way.  God,
how can I do it?  How can I allow my mother to die?"
   Ian had no answer for her as he looked blankly at her face.
   "Shit!" she said to no one in particular.  Standing up, she walked to
the door and motioned for the doctors to come in.
   "I'm ready," she said when they entered.
   "Are you sure?" Dr.  Mulcahy asked, looking her straight in the eye.
   "Yes.  I just want to be there."
   "Of course you can, Miss Barringer.  Whenever you're ready, we have some
paperwork for you to sign."
   They entered the room where Brenda's mother lay.  It seemed as cold and
lifeless as the person in the bed.  Ian thought that the patient in the bed
looked like his Aunt Alice, but her features were distorted from the
bandages and bruising.  The only sounds in the room were the whirring and
clicking of machines that were keeping her alive.  Two nurses moved around
them and prepared Alice for her journey.  Brenda nudged Ian and led him to
Alice's bedside.  She immediately took her mother's hand and held it, while
reaching for Ian's with the other.  She remained motionless, staring down
at her mother's battered and scarred body.  Numerous times, Brenda squeezed
Ian's hand, sometimes so tight that he thought that his fingers would
break. Dr.  Haynes and Dr.  Mulcahy arrived a short time later, slipping
into the room so quietly that Ian almost didn't notice.  They talked to the
nurses in hushed tones and glanced at Brenda every few seconds.
   A few minutes later, Dr.  Mulcahy moved over to Brenda and said,
"Whenever you're ready, please take as much time as you need."
   Brenda nodded, "I'm ready.  I've said my good-byes." Brenda then leaned
over the railing and kissed her mother on the cheek.  With tears streaming
down her face, she said, "I love you, mom." She straightened up and backed
away, still holding her mom's hand.
   Dr.  Haynes went over to the machines and started to flip switches.  The
whirring and clicking stopped and the only sound was the heart monitor's
slow, irregular beat.  Within a few minutes, her breathing became shallower
and her heartbeat, slower.  They watched her chest rise and fall, rise and
fall, and then it stopped.  Ian looked at the monitor and it had gone flat.
Dr.  Haynes noted on the medical chart that the time of death was 2:38 a.m.
   The doctors and nurses left them alone after a few minutes.  Brenda
stayed composed as her mother's once warm hand became cool and her skin
turned a gray-blue color.  It may have been a few minutes or a few hours,
Ian didn't know how long they stayed.  He didn't care.  After a while,
Brenda eased her grip on Ian's hand and began to massage it with her thumb.
   She looked up at him and said, "Mom says that it's okay to go now." She
put her mother's hand on the bed, patted it, and then turned and left the
room with Ian following.  Ian didn't know what transpired during those last
few minutes and the subject was never brought up, but it gave Brenda peace
and closure.
   The sky was dark and still when they left the hospital.  Although it had
stopped raining, the air felt heavy.  Ian inhaled deeply, taking in the
cool, fresh air as opposed to the sterile hospital atmosphere.  It felt
good to be outside.  Hands in his pockets, Ian stared at the moon for a few
moments.  It glowed like a beacon, lighting the sky for all to see.  Brenda
interlocked her arm with his and put her head against his shoulder.  Ian
broke his gaze and started to walk towards his car.
   As they neared his car, Brenda said, "Mine's over there." She pointed to
the right.
   "I know.  I'll drive you home."
   "I can drive."
   "No."
   "You can follow me."
   "No, we'll pick your car up later.  Come on."
   "Okay," she said sadly.
   They drove in silence, both too tired and sad to say anything.  When
they arrived at her house ten minutes later, Ian walked her to the door. 
As she fumbled for her keys, she asked, "Come in for a few minutes?"
   "Sure."
   She found the right key and the door opened noiselessly.  Brenda flipped
on a few lights as they entered the foyer.  Ian had always liked their
house, a large two story Tudor that had five bedrooms and three baths. 
They had an in-ground pool and a tennis court.  They walked into the living
room and then to the kitchen.
   "I need some water," she said as she turned on the light.  Want some?"
she asked over her shoulder.
   "That would be fine," he answered.
   As she neared the sink, Brenda noticed the light blinking on the
answering machine that was on the bar.  She pressed a button to hear the
messages.
   "You have one message," the machine said.
   Brenda took two glasses from the cupboard and filled them from the tap
as the message started to play.
   "Harry, this is Roger.  Give me a call tonight or this weekend.  Thanks.
Bye."
   "Time of message, 9:45 p.m.  Save or delete?" the machine asked.
   Brenda ignored it and went to the refrigerator to get some ice cubes.
   "Who's Roger?" Ian asked, although it was none of his business.
   "Mom and dad's partner," she said solemnly.  "I guess I should call
him." Her parents had been lawyers and owners of a large firm with Roger
Rigsby, the caller.
   "It's pretty late," Ian said, noting his watch.
   "He needs to know," she replied.  She handed Ian a glass and set hers
down by the phone.  There was a personal phone book nearby and she thumbed
through it until she found his number.
   As she dialed, Ian asked, "Do you want some privacy?" Brenda shook her
head and reached for his hand.  Once she finished dialing, there was a long
pause.  After seven or eight rings, the call was answered on the other
line.
   "Hello," the old, familiar voice said, tired, but alert.
   "Uncle Roger, it's me, Brenda.
   "What is the matter, dear?  It is very late."
   "I know it's late.  I'm sorry.  But...."
   "But what, dear?  What is wrong?"
   "It's mom and dad." Brenda stopped and tried to remain calm.  "They've
been in an accident and, and they didn't make it." She sighed and tried to
keep from crying.
   "Oh no, oh dear!" Roger exclaimed.  "Are you okay, dear?  Are you
alright?"
   "I'm okay, Uncle Roger.  I wasn't with them."
   "Thank goodness you are okay.  Have you spoken to anyone else?"
   "Just my cousin, Ian.  He's been with me the entire night."
   "I want you to listen very carefully, Brenda," he said sternly.  He
wanted to remain composed for her sake.
   "Okay."
   "I have been entrusted with your parent's will and I am the executor of
the will.  I want you to leave everything to me.  I will take care of
everything, understand?"
   "Yes, sir," she said meekly.
   "Do you think that you can come to the office sometime today?  Late in
the afternoon so that you can get some rest."
   "Yes, I can be there.  What time?"
   "Would four o'clock suffice?"
   "That would be fine, Uncle Roger.  Thank you so much."
   "What hospital are they at?" he asked apprehensively.
   "What?" she asked.
   "What hospital were your parents brought to?" he asked gently.
   "The University Hospital," she replied.
   "Fine.  I will take care of everything."
   "Thank you."
   "See you at four, dear.  Thank you for calling me.  If you need
anything, anything at all, you call me."
   "Thank you, I will Uncle Roger.
   Roger sat down in a nearby chair and did something that he hadn't done
since his mother died twenty-seven years earlier.  He cried.
   Brenda put down the receiver and started to breathe heavily, trying to
control her emotions.  She let go of Ian's hand and steadied herself on the
back of the chair.  Once she was under control again, she looked at Ian
with her sad, brown eyes.  Ian really missed seeing them sparkle and shine,
but he knew that it would be quite a long time before he saw that again. 
He looked back at her expectedly.
   "He's such a sweet man," she said softly.  Ian nodded.  "He said that
everything will be taken care of, that I needn't worry about anything.  He
has the will and he's the executor.  He wants to see me tomorrow, I mean
today at four.  Will you come with me?"
   "Of course, I will," Ian said.  He took a large gulp from from his
glass, almost emptying it.  Brenda still hadn't touched hers.  An awkward
moment of silence followed as the steady tick, tick, tick of the kitchen
clock became louder.  Ian finished the rest of his water, walked to the
sink and emptied the ice.  He put the glass in the sink where others were
situated.
   As Ian turned back to her, he cleared his throat and said, "It's really
late.  Do you want me to stay?"
   "Please stay."
   "I'll need to call my folks."
   "Call them from here."
   "I don't know where they are.  They could be in Russia, Finland, or
Norway right now.  Their schedule's at home."
   "Please stay," she pleaded.  "I don't want to be alone in this house
tonight." Tears again began to well in her eyes as they melted Ian.  He
could never say no to her.  She continued, "We've got plenty of room...even
more now..."
   "Okay," Ian said softly, "I'll stay.  But, I'll need to go home and make
some calls and pack a bag.  I'll be back as soon as I can.  I promise." Ian
started to to head to the door.
   When they got to the door, Ian asked, "You okay?" She nodded, yes.  "I
should be back in an hour."
   "Okay," she replied.  "I'll have a room ready for you."
   "All right," he said as he stepped into the cool March morning.  Brenda
watched him pull away, hugging herself, until he was out of sight.  Ian
watched her in the rear view mirror until he rounded the bend.
   Ian wasn't as tired as he thought he'd be noting that it was after four
in the morning, especially since he was ready to go to bed six hours
earlier.  The ride home was uneventful and he didn't hurry too much.  When
Ian got home, he went directly to his father's study where he had the
itinerary and phone numbers in his neat script on a legal pad.  They were
supposed to be in Helsinki that day, but Ian had no clue as to what time it
was there.  He called the overseas operator and gave him the information.
After a few seconds, a strange recorded language spoke to him.  He assumed
that it was Finnish and waited a few seconds.  Finally, an English
recording came on and asked him to press "2" for an English speaking
person. Ian pressed "2" and a real voice came through his earpiece.
   "Helsinki Grande Hotel.  May I help you?" a very pretty voice purred at
him, almost breathless.
   "Adrian Nicks' room, please."
   "One moment, I'll connect you.  Please hold," she purred.
   The phone was picked up immediately on the first ring.  "Adrian Nicks
speaking," he commanded.
   "Hi dad, it's Ian."
   "What a surprise, Ian.  I'm expecting a really important call right now.
Can this wait?"
   "I really need to talk to mom.  Is she there?"
   "She's resting.  What's the problem?" he asked impatiently.
   Ian sighed and said, "Uncle Harry and Aunt Alice died in a car accident
last night.  I thought that you and mom would want to know."
   "Yes, of course we would want to know about that.  I'll tell your mother
when she wakes..."
   "Could I talk to her now?" Ian interrupted.
   "Ian, I must keep this line open.  Thank you for calling us, but I must
go."
   "I see," Ian said as he sensed his father's temper rising.  "If you want
to contact me, I'll be at Brenda's for a day or so."
   "Brenda's?" his father asked, his interest piqued.
   "Yes, she asked me to stay with her."
   "Why?"
   "She's got no one else and she scared, dad!" Ian answered, a bit angry,
also.
   "Yes, I see," his father replied.  "Well..."
   "I won't tie up your line any longer.  Have mom call me when she wants
to."
   "Okay, Ian, we'll be in touch.  Good-bye."
   "Bye."
   When Ian hung up the phone, he was incensed that a business call was
more important to his father than hearing about a family member's death. 
Unfortunately, his father was power and money hungry and was like a shark
in blood-infested waters when a deal was about to be struck.  Oil and
money, money and oil, the two were interchangeable with him.  Ian knew that
he shouldn't complain because his father's money and power had given him
many wonderful things in his short life.  However, sometimes, it seemed
that money and power consumed him like an unquenchable fire.  This was one
of the times when Ian wished that they weren't so wealthy.
   Ian left his father's study and went to his room to pack.  Ian found a
small suitcase in the hall closet and put it on his bed.  He had no idea
what to pack or how long he would be staying, so he threw two of everything
into it; two shirts, two tee shirts, two pairs of slacks, etc.  He then
went to his bathroom and got his razor, shaving cream, toothbrush, and
toothpaste.  He also took his shower gel and shampoo.  He went back to his
room and found a clean pair of sweatpants to use as sleepwear.  He didn't
like pajamas and the sweatpants were warmer.  He threw that into the
suitcase as well.  Once he was satisfied that he had everything, he took
the suitcase and went back downstairs to the kitchen.  Ian left notes for
the maid and the cook explaining the situation and stating that he wouldn't
be back for a day or so and that he would contact them when he got back. 
He then reset the security alarm and left.
   A wave of panic hit Brenda when she saw Ian's car disappear into the
night.  She was alone in her house and wasn't sure what to do.  Her
breathing quickened and she knew that she would start to hyperventilate if
she didn't calm down.  She also knew that she needed to make one more phone
call before she went to bed.  Brenda went back inside and closed the door
behind her.  After locking it, she began to realize how quiet the house
was. Panic started to come over her again and she fought against it
desperately.  "I have to hold myself together until Ian gets back," she
said to herself.  Her anxiety started to decrease as her thoughts turned to
him.  She thought back to their lunch together the day before, how they
laughed about their silly love lives.  If only she could go back to that
time and tell her parents not to go out for the evening.  It's too late
now, she thought ruefully.
   Brenda pushed away from the door and headed back to the kitchen where
her water glass still sat.  Anger started to fill her where fear once was.
She picked up the glass and hurled it against the far wall, shattering it,
sending shards, water, and ice everywhere.
   "Damn it!" she screamed, "Why did you leave me?  Why...?" She sank to
her knees.  "I'm alone now," she cried, "all alone." Burying her face in
her hands, she cried and cried until she was exhausted and there were no
more tears to shed.  She wiped her eyes with her blouse sleeve and looked
at the mess that she created.
   The drive back to Brenda"s house was uneventful as Ian fought off sleep.
He was now beyond exhausted and dearly wanted to find a warm bed.  Although
there was a possibility that Brenda would want to stay up and talk, Ian
selfishly hoped against it, although he would stay up as long as she wanted
him to.  She met him at the door and saw immediately how exhausted he
looked.  "Oh Ian," she said softly as she took his hand, "come on, I'll
show you to your room." She led him up the stairs, where at the landing,
they turned right.  She turned on the light at the first room on the left
and entered.  Ian followed, suitcase still in hand.
   "Here, put your suitcase on the chair," Brenda said, pointing to the
dark green recliner.  The room had a large king sized bed with blue
carpeting and drapes to match.  There were many pictures on the walls,
mainly of hunting and outdoors scenes.  This was plainly a man's room,
thought Ian, looking around.  There were two dressers in the room and a
writing desk in the corner which had a computer, monitor, printer, and
phone on it.
   Brenda called to him from the right, "There's a shower, sink, and toilet
in here."
   Ian put his suitcase on the bed and followed her voice.  "There's towels
in the cupboard," she said as she opened them for him.
   "Okay," Ian said.  "I don't know if I have the strength to take a shower
now.  Maybe after I wake up."
   "Poor guy," Brenda said as she brushed past him and headed to the door.
Looking over her shoulder, she said, "My room's right across the hall if
you can't find something.  I've got a few things to do before I turn in."
   "What time are you getting up?" Ian asked.
   "I guess around noon.  We have to be downtown around four.  I have to
find out about funeral arrangements, too."
   "Need any help with anything?"
   "No," Brenda replied, thinking about the glass, "I don't need help." She
hesitated at the door, holding onto the knob.
   "You okay?" Ian asked as Brenda looked down.
   "I'm okay," she said, barely audible.  Looking at him directly in his
eyes, she said, "You'll never know how grateful I am to have you here with
me." She turned quickly and left the room before she started to cry again.
Before Ian could respond, he heard her bounding down the stairs.  Ian went
back to his suitcase and began getting ready for bed.
   Brenda was physically and emotionally exhausted as she finished cleaning
up her mess.  Before Ian came back to the house, she had called her
mother's oldest brother, Russell, whom she knew kept late hours, to tell
him the news and asked him to call the rest of the family.  When she was
satisfied that all of the glass was off the floor, Brenda put the broom and
dustpan away, turned off the lights, and headed to her room.  The door to
Ian's room was closed, so she assumed that he was asleep.  She would have
liked to talk to him more, but she knew how tired he looked and he needed
sleep.  It wasn't until then that she realized how tired she was.  Barely
able to stand any longer, she slipped out of her clothes and threw on a
nightgown.  Crawling into bed, Brenda looked at the pictures that
surrounded her on her two nightstands.  One was of her and Ryan taken right
before he died; another of her parents; one of all four of them together, a
family sitting; and the last one was of her and Ian taken at Disney World
the previous summer.  She fought back tears as she remembered the good
times with Ryan, times when he wasn't on drugs and enjoying life.  She
remembered telling her parents to have a great time when they left the
house for the last time, not knowing that her life would be forever changed
in just a few short hours.  Brenda reached for a Teddy Bear, the last gift
that Ryan had given her, as the tears began to flow.  Hugging it fiercely,
she said, "I need you, Ryan, I need you.  I wish you were here.  I wish all
of you were here!"
   She turned, switched off the lamp, and cried herself into a dreamless
sleep.
   Saturday, March 13
   Although the alarm was set on low, it woke Ian with a start.  Looking
around, confused at first by his surroundings, Ian slowly realized where he
was.  Even though it was noon, he felt a little groggy and was tempted to
sleep more.  However, he slowly sat up and turned off the alarm.  Throwing
his legs over the side of the bed, Ian slipped on his gym shoes and stood
up.  He put on the shirt that he had worn the previous night and headed out
of the room.  The room across the hall, Brenda's, was open and empty.  Ian
made his way down to the kitchen to find her at the breakfast nook reading
the newspaper.
   "Morning Ian," she said, glancing away from the paper.
   "Morning," he mumbled back.  "You been up long?"
   "Oh, an hour or so," she sighed.  "I slept for a while, but I woke up
around ten-thirty and couldn't sleep anymore.  I called Uncle Roger about
funeral arrangements, but he didn't want to talk about it until this
afternoon."
   "Okay, that's at four, right?"
   "Yeah." She went back to her newspaper.
   "How are you doing?" he asked as he leaned against the doorway.
   "Oh," she sighed again, "tired, sad, angry....you name it and I'm
feeling it.  It would be so much worse if you weren't here.  There's just
so much going on in my head right now."
   "Want to talk about it?"
   "Maybe later, maybe after we see Uncle Roger or sometime this evening."
   "Okay."
   "Can I get you something to eat?  I was about to make myself a salad."
   "A salad would be great.  I"ll give you a hand with it."
   Brenda shooed him away, "No, no, you just sit down.  It'll only take a
few minutes."
   "You sure?"
   "Yeah." Brenda got up from her chair and busied herself with the salads
as Ian watched her.  She was wearing a dark blue robe and pink slippers. 
Her hair was tousled and out of place, but in Ian's mind, she was still
very pretty.  He thought about complimenting her, but he knew that it would
be grossly inappropriate, not because she was his cousin, they joked all of
the time about dating each other if they weren't related, but because of
her sadness and grief.
   "What do you want to drink?" he asked her as he came back to reality.
   "I'll have some tea.  There's a pitcher in the fridge."
   Ian went to the refrigerator and took the pitcher from the shelf.  It
was cold, so no ice was needed.  "Where are the cups?" he asked as he
searched the cupboards in front of him.
   "Above the sink," Brenda answered as she placed the salads on the table.
Ian brought the glasses and tea to the table seconds later.  Brenda brought
out dressing and forks and they sat down to their lunch.  They ate and
drank in silence, not really tasting the food, merely consuming it.  She
had already found an article in the paper about the accident.  Apparently,
they rounded a corner too fast for the rain-slickened street and lost
control, ramming a tree and flipping over.  As she read it, anger built up
inside her.  Dad always drove too fast, she thought bitterly.  Frowning,
she had put the paper aside before she became too emotional again.
   After a while, Ian put down the section of paper that he was reading and
pushed back his chair, dishes in hand.  "I'll clean these up," he said.
   "Just rinse them and I'll put them in the dishwasher later," Brenda
replied.
   "Okay." Ian did as requested and headed back to his room for a shower.
   Brenda read for a little while longer before she gathered up the dishes
and put them in the washer, noting that there wasn't enough for a full
load. She closed the door without turning on the machine.
   Brenda went upstairs and started a hot bath for herself in the main
bathroom.  She poured in some soap and watched the bubbles build.  Once the
tub was filled to her satisfaction, Brenda took off her robe and nightgown
and slipped into the steamy bath.
   Just as she was relaxed, a knock came from the door.  The door knob
moved and the door opened a crack.
   "Hey Brenda...?"
   "Don't come in!" Brenda said, wide eyed.  "I'm not decent."
   "Yeah, so what's your point?" Ian joked.  He immediately felt bad joking
with her, forgetting for a second about her parents.
   "Ian!" she said sternly, although she wasn't angry.  She was glad that
he was teasing her.  It almost made her forget.  "What do you need?"
   "A hair dryer."
   "You don't have enough hair to need a dryer," she replied, noting his
blond crew cut.
   "I'll only need it for a minute.  I don't want to catch a cold."
   "There's one in the closet in here, right by the door.  Come in, but
don't you dare get too close!" Brenda scooted down in the tub so that the
bubbles covered everything from the neck down.
   Ian opened the door with nothing but a thick towel around his waist and
closed it behind him.  Looking at his cousin almost submerged, he said, "I
was hoping for a show."
   "You wish," Brenda said from above the bubbles.
   Ian rummaged through the closet for a few seconds without finding the
dryer.  "Where is it?  I don't see it?"
   "Keep looking.  It should be there."
   "Ah, here it is," he said as he pulled it from a remote corner.
   "It's about time," Brenda teased, "anyone else would have found it a lot
sooner."
   "I figured that if I messed around long enough, you'd have to come out
and help me look," he teased back, happy to be able to banter with her, if
only for a few seconds.
   "You wish."
   "Anyway, I'll return it when I can get a better view!"
   "I'll keep the door locked," grinned Brenda.
   "Details, details..." he said as he opened the door and left the
bathroom.
   Brenda was disappointed that Ian didn't return the dryer while she was
still in the tub.  She toweled off quickly, pulled on her robe and went
left and across the hall to Ian's room where he was putting on his shoes.
He looked up as she entered.
   "Feel better?" he asked.
   "Yes, much." She moved to him, leaned down and kissed him on the cheek.
"Thank you," she said as she straightened.
   "For...?"
   "For helping me laugh and to forget for a little while," she replied. 
She looked at her cousin, dressed in jeans and a dark blue dress shirt.  He
looked really handsome, she thought, although she wished he would let his
perpetual crew cut grow out.  He'd had it since his sophomore year in high
school while playing baseball and kept it.  She teased him unmercifully in
hopes that he would let it grow, but to no avail.  She didn't know if she'd
ever get used to it because she always thought he looked better with it
grown out.
   "You're welcome," Ian replied softly, breaking Brenda's stare.  "You
okay?" He looked at her, puzzled, trying to figure out what was on her
mind.
   Brenda blinked and stammered, "Oh yeah, fine.  I need the dryer." She
pointed to the dryer at his side.
   "Sorry, I forgot," he said as he handed it to her.
   "Thanks," she said as she left for her own room, Ian's eyes following
her as she walked away.
   Brenda finished drying and combing her hair and got dressed in a pair of
blue dress pants and a yellow sweater.  After she applied some pale
lipstick, she grabbed her purse and went downstairs.  Ian's eyes were fixed
on a basketball game when she appeared.  "You ready to go?" she asked.
   "It's pretty early, we've got time," he replied.
   "I want to pick up my car first."
   "That's right," he said, smacking his forehead with his palm, "your
car's still at the hospital." He turned off the TV with the remote.  "By
the way, there's about five messages on the machine.  I saved them for
you."
   "Thanks.  Two of them must be new.  I'll answer them when we get back."
   Brenda locked the door after they stepped out into the warm, breezy,
March afternoon.  It had been warmer than usual and they didn't need
jackets.  Ian let her in the passenger side first and then let himself in.
The car started easily and Ian placed it in gear.  Noting the silence, Ian
asked Brenda, "Do you want to listen to some music?"
   Brenda shrugged indifference, so Ian chose a classical station.  He kept
it on a low volume and they were on their way.  The ride to the hospital
was quiet; perhaps Brenda was reliving the previous evening.  Ian didn't
say anything, thinking that small talk would only make matters worse for
her.  When they arrived, Brenda sighed deeply, her car where she left it.
She looked down at her hands as tears started to spill down her cheeks. 
Ian parked next to her car and switched off the engine.  He reached over to
hold her hand, but before he could, Brenda leaned over and put her head on
his shoulder and cried quietly.  Trying to soothe her, he stroked her hair
with the back of his hand.  Nothing was said for a few minutes.
   A few minutes more passed before she stopped crying and straightened up
in the seat, leaving Ian's shoulder bare and a little damp.
   "Got a kleenex?" she whispered.
   "Yeah." Ian reached behind him in the back seat and produced a small box
and handed it to Brenda.  She took one and tried to hand the box back to
him.  "Keep it," he said.
   Brenda started to open the door to go to her own car.  Ian touched her
arm and she looked back at him.
   "You okay to drive?"
   "Yes, I'm fine."
   "You sure?"
   "Yeah," she insisted.  "I've got to get this car out of here.  I don't
want to come back here ever again.  It hurts too much."
   "Okay." Ian understood.  He thought for a second and said, "Where's the
office building?"
   "Corner of Main and First.  There's a parking lot right next door," she
said as she stepped out.
   "Okay, I'll see you there."
   "Just follow me, I won't lose you." Brenda then shut the door and went
to her car.
   They arrived at her parent's office building in less than ten minutes
and they were early.  Brenda took his hand and they went inside together.
"It's on the second floor," she said as they entered the elevator.  Ian
would have preferred taking the stairs for a one story flight, but he said
nothing.
   When the doors opened, a large window with the stenciled name of
"Barringer, Rigsby, and Barringer LPA's" stared at them.  They crossed the
hall and Brenda pushed the glass door open.  They stepped into an ornately
furnished office lobby.  There were about seven or eight chairs and each
were richly upholstered.  The receptionist's desk was a dark, heavy wood,
possibly oak, and was circular with an opening at one side.  No one was at
the desk, so Brenda led Ian to the office area.  Before they had gotten too
far, an elderly gentleman emerged from a room.  His eyes brightened as he
saw Brenda approaching.
   "Brenda, my dear..."
   Brenda let go of Ian's hand and rushed to him.  "Uncle Roger," she said
as she hugged him.
   "I am so, so, sorry, my dear.  They were like my own children," he said
as he returned the embrace.
   "I know," she replied in a choked voice.
   Looking over her shoulder at Ian, he asked, "And who is this fine lad?
Another beau?"
   Brenda released Roger and introduced Ian.  "No, he's not a beau, Uncle
Roger.  This is my cousin, Ian Nicks, my best friend and savior.  He's been
with me since the accident.  Ian, this is Roger Rigsby, mom and dad's
partner."
   The two exchanged handshakes and Roger said, "A fine young man you are,
looking after our Brenda.  You ever need anything," he said sternly,
pointing his finger at him, "you talk to me!"
   "Yes sir," Ian said.
   "Come, let us go to my office where we can chat for a spell, shall we?"
Roger motioned for them to follow and they did.  When they entered his
office, Ian was amazed at the amount of books that lined the walls.  One
entire wall was nothing but books.  Roger indicated for them to take a seat
and they did.  The chairs were upholstered in red velvet and were extremely
comfortable.  "May I get you a refreshment?" he asked, still standing. 
Brenda and Ian both shook their heads.  "Ah, fine then," he said as he
eased himself into his chair behind his desk.
   He leaned forward with his arms folded in front of him.  "My dear, how
are your studies coming along?"
   "They're coming along fine, Uncle Roger, we're on spring break now."
   "Still studying business, I suppose?" he asked, feigning disgust.
   "Yes, of course, you know that," Brenda giggled lightly.
   "You have a fine mind that is wasting away on business and money.  You
have a fine criminal mind, my dear, and the law beckons you!" He pointed at
Ian, "And you, young man, what is your choice of study?"
   "Veterinary science, sir," Ian answered cautiously.  He wasn't sure
about Roger just yet.
   "A good choice, my lad," he roared his approval.  "Maybe you can teach
this girl something and get her away from money and finance, eh?"
   "I don't think that I could ever get Brenda to do something that she
didn't want to do," Ian replied.
   Roger nodded in agreement, "How true, how true." He leaned back in his
chair.  "I have only a few things to discuss with you, my dear," he said to
Brenda.  "To put your mind at rest, your parents pre-arranged their
funerals and everything is in the works, so to speak.  Morris Funeral
Chapel is in charge of the arrangements and are waiting for you to go over
the necessary details, such as date and time, clothing, flowers, etc."
   "What about...." Brenda interrupted.
   "About what, my dear?"
   "What about...their...mom and dad...are they...at the funeral home?"
   "Yes, my dear, they are there," he said gently.  "I made the
arrangements as soon as you called.  I also have copies of the death
certificates so that their insurances policies and other things can be
activated."
   "How...?  I don't understand...I'm a little overwhelmed, I guess,"
Brenda said softly.
   "I have read their will many times over today, and they were very
specific as to making this as easy for you as possible.  I will read you
the will in it's entirety at a later time after the funeral, but know that
they had your best interests at heart.  I will guide you through all of the
legalities and such.  You will have the final say in everything, my dear."
   "Final say?" she asked, clearly confused.
   "My dear," he said patiently, "you are the only heir to their estate. 
Of course, they wanted certain people to have items and this has been
specifically spelled out.  However, everything else is up to you."
   "I see," Brenda said, finally starting to understand what Roger was
saying.
   Roger got up and poured water into three glasses and set them on his
desk.  He gave one to Brenda and Ian and took one for himself.  He took a
sip from his glass, then said, "I work with many financial advisors and
they can help you in that area.  Perhaps you would want to work with some
of the people who handled your parents accounts.  We can discuss that
later. You may know enough from your studies to not need any financial
advise.  We will see." Roger put his glass down on his desk and eased
himself back into his chair.
   "Right now," he continued, "I am more interested in your well-being. 
How are you going to handle this?"
   "I'm doing okay, I guess," Brenda answered.  "I don't know what I would
have done without Ian.  And knowing that you're taking care of things is a
big relief..."
   "What about school?" he asked, thinking about her difficult time after
Ryan's death.
   "Having spring break right now is a blessing.  I think I'll be okay when
it starts again.  I think I'm in a better frame of mind right now, or maybe
I'm still in shock.  I'm not sure." She reached for Ian's hand and squeezed
it.
   "Quite possible," he replied, looking out the window.  Brenda waited for
him to say more, but he remained silent.
   "When do the funeral people want to see me?" she asked.
   Roger turned his attention back to her.  "They said that they would be
able to see you any time before eight o'clock, but they wanted to be called
ahead of time so that they would have time to prepare the paperwork."
   "I see." Brenda looked down at her hands that were holding the glass. 
She played with the intricate cuts of the glass with her thumb.  "I think
that I should like to see them now, but I'd like to spend some time in my
parents' offices.  Is that okay?"
   "Of course, it is, my dear.  Please take your time," he said gently.  "I
will call them whenever you are ready."
   "Fine." Brenda scooted her chair back and put her glass back on the
stand and Ian did the same.  As Brenda led the way out of the office, she
looked back at Roger, who was still seated at his desk.
   "How will this affect the practice?" she asked.
   "Oh," he sighed, "we will get behind a little bit until I can interview
some candidates, but your parents are simply irreplaceable.  I hope you
know that."
   "I do," she replied softly.
   "I should like to speak to Mr.  Nicks for a few minutes, if you do not
mind, my dear."
   Puzzled, she said, "Of course not.  I'll be down the hall." Ian looked
at her and she shrugged her shoulders.  She left the office and closed the
door behind her.
   "Mr.  Nicks," Roger said as Ian turned to him, "have a seat, please."
Ian took the same chair that which he had sat in previously.
   When he was seated, Roger asked, "How is she, really?"
   "Okay, I guess," he replied, "considering the circumstances.  I mean,
she's really strong.  I would be a total basketcase if I were in her shoes.
She cries a lot, but other times, she's pretty calm."
   "I want you to know that Brenda is like a grandchild to me.  I have
never had any of my own, no children either.  This practice is my family,"
Roger explained.  It hurts deeply to know that Harry and Alice are dead."
Roger bent his head down in reverence.  "Not only were they fine attorneys,
they were wonderful people, too, the best.  Brenda is the best of both of
them." Roger stopped to sip on his water.
   "I want you to be with her when the will is read." Ian didn't know if
this was a request or an order.  "It will be an upsetting experience for
her, although most of it is good."
   "What do you mean, upsetting?" Ian asked.
   "I can tell you none of the details.  I can see that she trusts you and
loves you.  That is evident.  You must be with her that day, understand?"
   "Of course," Ian replied, totally confused, "I'll be here, but can't you
give me something to go on to prepare her?"
   "No, I am afraid not.  It is all confidential until she hears it for
herself."
   "All right.  I really don't know what to say or do."
   "Just be there for her, no matter what.  She will need you more than
ever before."
   "You're starting to scare me!" Ian said.  "Is it going to be that bad?"
   "I am just not sure how she will take it.  That is all that I can say.
Do not, I repeat, do not breathe a word of this conversation to her," he
added sternly.
   "Yes sir," Ian said.
   "Good," Roger said, smiling warmly.  "You are a fine person and I look
forward to seeing you again."
   "Yes sir."
   "Go find your cousin, I think she will need some comforting," Roger
said, dismissing him.
   "Yes sir," Ian replied.  He turned and left the office quickly.  His
head was swimming.  What could be so bad that it would upset her that much?
Ian had no idea why she couldn't find out now instead of later.  What was
he to do if she wanted to go without him?  He thought that to be a remote
possiblity, but it could happen.  He didn't know who else would be there,
maybe relatives from her mom's side of the family, he guessed.  Ian went
down the hall and looked in various offices until he found Brenda in her
mother's office.
   It was not as large or ornate as Roger's, but it was quite nice.  Brenda
was sitting behind the desk deep in thought, not noticing Ian as he
entered. He knocked lightly on the door and Brenda looked over at him.
   "Hey cuz."
   "Hey.  Did you and Roger have a nice talk?"
   Ian hesitated for a split second.  "Oh, it was fine.  He's a nice guy."
Ian hoped that he wouldn't blow it and let her suspect something.
   "He's worried about me, isn't he?"
   "Yes, he is."
   "He needn't worry.  I'll be okay."
   "I know you will."
   Brenda looked around the office.  "You know, mom and I used to have a
lot of talks in here, mostly about school and boys." Brenda smiled at the
thought.  "I'm going to miss that so much.  She was very fond of you, did
you know that?" Ian shook his head.  "She was, really, and dad too."
   "I didn't know," Ian said, a bit surprised.
   "Yeah, even when dad and your mom feuded, he always had good things to
say about you.  It's funny, though, do you know what they were mad at each
other about?"
   "I haven't a clue.  Mom's never spoke about it."
   "Dad never discussed it.  I wish they weren't enemies.  Now it's too
late.  It's such a waste." Brenda sighed and fought back tears.  "I really
don't want to go," she continued.  "I expect mom to come through that door
at any second with a cup of coffee in one hand and her briefcase in the
other.  I'll never see that again.  We'll never have talks in here anymore.
I miss her so much!  How will I go on without her?" she cried, tears
spilling down her cheeks.
   "I don't have answers to that," Ian said as he moved to her side.  "All
I know is that it'll take a long time, but you'll make it through.  You're
one of the strongest people I know, but this isn't something that you'll
get over quickly.  It's been such a short time, Brenda, give yourself a
break."
   Brenda reached for him, "You don't know how grateful I am to have you
with me right now.  I love you so much, Ian.  You're the best friend I've
got.  Mom used to say that it was a shame that we were cousins, that if we
weren't, she was sure to hear wedding bells soon.  Funny, she said it last
week, but she seemed kind of sad when she said it.  It was weird.  She must
have said it a half dozen times before, but she always joked about it.  I
don't know what the difference was this time."
   "I don't know."
   "I really don't want to go," she said again, "but I can't put it off any
longer.  I'll have Uncle Roger call the funeral home and we'll get going,
okay?"
   "Sure, whatever you want, cuz."
   "Yeah, let's go." She left the chair and together, they went back to
Roger's office.
   There was about a dozen messages on the answering machine when they
returned.  Ian's mother had called, finally, and wanted Ian to call her at
any time that they returned.  Nice of her to break away from her busy
schedule, Ian thought grimly.  The other calls were from Brenda's friends
and family.  Neither of them were particularly hungry, so they decided to
make phone calls.  While Brenda used the kitchen phone, Ian went to his
room to call his parents.  After he found the paper with the phone numbers,
he reached his parents' room within minutes.
   "Hello, Janet Nicks speaking," her cool, reserved voice came over the
wire.
   "Hi mom, it's Ian."
   "Hello, Ian, I've tried to reach you a couple of times today, but you
haven't been in."
   "We just got in.  We've been out getting stuff taken care of for the
funeral."
   "Yes, the funeral..."
   "So, when are you guys coming back?  The funeral's Wednesday."
   "We can't make it back..."
   "Can't make it back?" Ian almost yelled.  "What do you mean?"
   "Your father's much too busy.  He can't break away."
   "Why can't you come back?"
   "There's not enough time to prepare for a return trip on such short
notice."
   "Oh, come on, mom, there's time to come back and you know it."
   "I can't, Ian, there's too many appointments to break."
   "My God, he was your brother!  I know you didn't like each other, but
the least you could do is show up for his funeral.  At least do it for
Brenda."
   "She would be the only reason I would come," she said coldly.  "I'll
make it up to her when we return."
   "Please, mom, don't be like this," Ian pleaded.  "He's dead now.  Can't
you let it go?"
   "If the roles were reversed, he would have done the same," she replied
frostily.
   "But mom..." Ian tried to reason, but he wanted to scream.
   "I don't wish to discuss it any longer," she said firmly.  Softer, she
asked, "How is Brenda?"
   "She's okay," seethed Ian.  She'd be better if you'd come back, he
thought.  She needs all the family she can get.  "She has her good moments
and bad.  It's been really rough on her."
   "Of course it is.  How are you doing?  Do you have enough money?"
   "I have plenty, don't worry." They had left him with $2000 for the four
weeks.  He had used only a few hundred in the time that they had been away.
"I'm fine.  A little tired, but okay, I guess."
   "Well, take care of yourself.  We'll see you in a few weeks.  Do you
have the rest of our schedule?"
   "Yes."
   "Okay, well, thank you for calling back.  Please tell Brenda that I'm
thinking of her.  I do feel sorry for her, Ian, but I just can't come
back."
   Right mom, whatever, he thought.  "Okay mom, I'll tell her.  Have a good
time on the rest of your trip," he said with just a hint of sarcasm.
   Janet ignored the insult.  "I love you, Ian.  Talk to you soon."
   "Bye mom.  I love you, too." The line went dead and Ian returned the
receiver to the base.  "Boy, wasn't that lovely?" he said aloud.  He left
the room and headed down to the kitchen.
   Brenda was still on the phone when Ian popped in.  She looked up and
smiled, then went back to her conversation.  She seemed to be in better
spirits and Ian was glad.  He went to the refrigerator and got himself a
can of Coke and closed the door.  On second thought, he opened it once more
and pulled out another can for Brenda.  He shut the door, walked past
Brenda and handed her the Coke.  She mouthed 'thank you' to him and opened
the can while listening intently to the other voice.
   Ian went to the living room and flipped on the TV.  He turned it to the
channel guide to see what was on at that time.  Seeing nothing that really
appealed to him, he put it on the sports channel to watch a college
basketball game.  Although he liked baseball more, it was out of season, so
basketball was the next best thing.
   It was some time later before Brenda emerged from the kitchen and Ian
was thoroughly engrossed in the game.  She sat down next to him on the
small sofa, arms folded and eyes narrowed.  Ian noticed the change, but
didn't know if he should say something.  He decided to wait her out.  A few
minutes passed and he began to rethink his strategy, but Brenda decided to
vent.
   "My family is so weird," she said, turning to him.
   "How so?" he said, still watching the game.
   "I mean, they're really nice and supportive about mom and dad and I
really appreciate it, but..."
   "But?"
   Brenda started to laugh, "They object to you living here with me.  You
know, alone, boy and girl.  They seem to forget that we went to Disney
World together last summer alone and we somehow managed to have a good time
without jumping each others bones.  I mean, I tried to explain to them that
we had separate rooms and baths, and that you've been great to me, but..."
   "They think otherwise," he finished her sentence.
   "Yeah.  I mean, we're cousins, for God's sake, not that I wouldn't mind
if you weren't, but jeez, I'm not exactly in the best of moods right now.
You're the perfect person to be with me.  You know me and love me.  Why
can't they understand that?"
   "I don't know.  Like you said, it's weird."
   "Even my girlfriend, Hannah, said she thought it was inappropriate for
you to be here.  I couldn't believe it!  I almost hung up on her, but I
didn't.  It's so stupid!"
   "So, do you think I should leave?" he asked seriously.
   "If you leave, I'll hunt you down and drag you back.  You're the only
one keeping me sane right now.  God, I hope the phone doesn't ring anymore.
I'll just let the machine get it."
   "Yeah, but then, they'll think we're having sex or something and we're
too busy to answer."
   "Oh my God, you're right," Brenda giggled.  "Then, they'll come over
kicking the door in to stop us.  And we'd be in the kitchen eating pizza or
something and we'd look at them and say, "What the fuck's the matter with
you?"
   Ian started to laugh.  Brenda very rarely cursed and when she did, it
always caught him off guard.  But, the mention of pizza made his stomach
growl.
   "And then," she continued, "they'd say, 'Well, you didn't answer the
phone, so you must have been screwing!  We had to stop you!'" Brenda was
laughing hard now.  "Oh my God, can you imagine?" Her eyes were sparkling
from the tears of laughter.
   "It's good to see you laugh," Ian remarked.
   "Yeah, well, you've always been able to make me feel better, no matter
how bad I feel," she replied, wiping her eyes with her sleeves.
   Ian thought that she looked very pretty at that moment, laughing and
joking as she was.  Her smile and her eyes were always her best feature. 
She would never be a beautiful women, one that would turn heads everywhere
she went, but she was very attractive and Ian knew that he could get lost
in those doe eyes, as he was beginning to now.  He thought it a waste that
he would never be able to love her in the way that he wanted, and he would
be a very jealous cousin of the lucky man who would be.  A couple of
strands of her short, brown hair fell across her eyes and she absently
pushed them back with her hand.  She noticed him staring at her.
   "What are you thinking about?" she asked.  She had never seen him look
that way at her before and it was disconcerting.  It was almost like a look
of love, or desire, or both.  It was not a sibling love, or a cousin love,
but the look of love from a man to a woman.  For a long time, even before
Ryan went into his death spiral, Ian was her best friend, her confidant. 
He was always there for her, always ready to help.  She loved him more than
anyone she had known, save her parents and Ryan.  In the years since Ryan's
death, Ian had almost taken over his role, but he was something more that
to her.  Maybe deep down, she wanted more than their relationship could
allow.  She didn't know for sure.  Their lunches together could, at times,
become sexually explicit, joking about their dates, their fantasies and the
like.  Sometimes, Brenda would come away from their lunches feeling a
delicious tingling between her legs that wouldn't leave until she could
find some privacy.  She didn't dare ask him if he felt the same way and she
hadn't checked his pants for the tell-tale sign.  Not that she hadn't
noticed how good-looking he was.  She would have had to be blind or a
lesbian not to notice his chiseled features, narrow waist, and cute butt.
She was almost ashamed to admit that she thought that he was really
handsome, not something that cousins should think about...
   "Are you sure you want to know?" he asked hesitantly.
   "Well, yeah..."
   "Okay, here it goes." He spoke slowly, carefully.  "Do you wish,
sometimes, that we weren't cousins, weren't related?" Ian looked down and
frowned.  He was afraid that he had messed up by asking her that.  He hoped
that she wouldn't get angry with him.
   Brenda waited and pondered her answer, her eyes gentle and solemn.  She
was scared to answer too truthfully, afraid that she'd say the wrong thing.
Instead, she took the easy way out.  "Why do you ask?" she asked softly.
   Ian shifted uneasily in his seat.  Still looking down and becoming a bit
nervous with his beloved cousin, he stayed silent for a few moments, not
knowing what to say.
   Brenda placed her hand on his and asked softly, "Do you feel that way?"
   Ian lifted his head and gazed into her eyes.  "Yeah," he said simply.
   "Me too," she replied as she rested her head against his shoulder.
   Sunday March 14
   Brenda whimpered in her sleep, her head shaking back and forth
furiously. "No," she murmured, "go away..." Her body was slick with sweat
and her nightshirt clung to her damp skin.  She had kicked her coverings
off and they had fallen to the floor in a heap.
   Her dream was very real, as her parents were trying to pull her into
their coffins.  Ryan had her arms pinned behind her and was pushing her
into their waiting arms.  Her legs thrashed in the bed as she desperately
tried to fight them off.  Brenda's body twisted back and forth to break
Ryan's grip, but it wasn't working.  When their faces disappeared and
cackling skulls replaced them, she broke from her nightmare screaming,
"NO!!!!"
   Ian's deep sleep was interrupted by someone screaming from within the
house.  He bolted upright instantly and listened, not really sure if he had
heard anything.  Brenda screamed again and Ian threw off the covers and ran
to her room.
   Brenda was on her right side curled in a fetal position, crying
hysterically, "No, no, no...," and shaking her head violently.
   Ian rushed to her side, knelt beside her on one knee, and touched her
shoulder.  As soon as she felt his touch, she spun away and kicked at him
with her legs.  "Get away from me Ryan!" she screamed, almost inhumanly. 
Her left leg grazed his right side, but her right leg caught him squarely
in his chest and knocked him off the bed and he tumbled to the floor. 
Surprised, but unhurt, Ian got to his feet and went back to the bed.
   "Stay away from me!  You hear, Ryan..."
   "Brenda, Brenda, it's me, Ian," he said as he inched closer to the bed.
"Brenda, it's me, Ian.  You're having a dream..."
   "Ian?" she said weakly as she slowly came back to reality.  Her balled
fists slowly fell to her sides and unclenched.  Ian came closer until he
could feel her hot, heavy, panting in front of his face.  She reached out
for him.  "Ian," she said again, "hold me." He standing and she kneeling on
the bed, Ian took her in his arms.  Brenda wrapped her arms around his neck
and hugged him fiercely.  Ian rocked her back and forth gently as she began
to sob.
   "It was so terrible, Ian," she said between sobs.  "Oh my God, it was
awful!  I'll never be able to sleep again.  I don't want to sleep again. 
Oh...!" She buried her face in his chest and clutched the back of his tee
shirt with her hands.  He gently led his cousin to a seated position on the
bed with him at her side as he continued to rock and soothe her.  Ian
noticed the dampness of her shirt but said nothing.  He tried smoothing her
hair, and that too, was wet with sweat.  Man, she must have had one hell of
a fight, he thought.
   After a few minutes, the vividness of the dream started to fade and
Brenda began to calm down.  Even though Ian was still holding her, she
shivered from cold.  Ian noticed that, too.
   "You cold?" he asked
   "Yeah," she answered.  "I guess I better change."
   "Okay."
   Brenda reached with her left hand and turned on the bedside lamp.  It
cast a soft light and Ian had no trouble adjusting.  Brenda kissed Ian on
the cheek and tried to stand.  Unsteady, she put her right hand on his
shoulder to balance herself.  She was wearing a yellow cotton night shirt
that was tight to her frame.  Ian looked up at her and saw her nipples
protruding through the thin, damp material.  Ian tried not to stare at
them, but he couldn't help it.  He felt his penis begin to firm under his
sweatpants.  Embarrassed, he looked down and discreetly covered his bulge
with his right arm, hoping against hope that Brenda didn't notice.
   Brenda moved slowly away from him and made her way to one of her
dressers.  Ian watched her as she pulled another nightgown from the drawer
and closed it, her damp night shirt sensually clinging to her athletic
body.
   "Be back in a minute," she said sadly before she left the room.  Ian got
another glimpse of her nipples as she turned to go down the hall.  It
almost took his breath away.  Although she was small busted, their shape
aroused him more than he could imagine.  They were simply beautiful.
   Ian stood up and checked himself.  "Shit!" he said as he saw his
erection bulging almost straight out.  Quickly, he left Brenda's room for
his own.  He pulled off his sweatpants and found a clean pair of underwear
briefs.  Putting them on carefully, he effectively minimized the bulge.  He
pulled his sweatpants back on and returned to Brenda's room, chastising
himself the entire time for getting horny during her distress.
   Once in the bathroom, Brenda toweled herself off after briefly
considering a quick shower.  She was too tired for such an endeavor and put
on the clean nightgown instead.  As she brushed her hair, she looked at
herself closely in the mirror.  She could see that dark circles were
starting to form under her eyes and they looked very tired.  She didn't
know what time it was and she didn't care.  Brenda finished brushing her
hair before she headed back to her room.  When she returned to the room,
Ian was seated as before.  Watching her come in, he was grateful that she
was wearing a modest, heavy flannel gown.
   "Feeling better?" he asked.  She nodded and sat down beside him.
   "I'm so tired, but I'm afraid to go to sleep," Brenda sighed.
   "Want to talk about it?"
   "No!" she shook her head, "I want to forget it." She scooted back on her
bed, turned her pillow to the dry side and layed down.  "Stay with me for a
while?" she pleaded.
   "Sure," Ian said.  "Let me get the covers." Ian got off the bed,
gathered her covers and spread them over her.  He then climbed into bed
next to her, his back against the headboard.
   "Do you want the light on or off?"
   "You can turn it off.  I'll be okay since you're here." Brenda settled
under the covers and rested her head against Ian's thigh, while he caressed
her face and hair with the back of his hand.  After a few minutes, Brenda
began to shake and shiver from fright, although she tried to hide it.
   "You okay?" he asked softly.
   "No," she said as she shivered again.  "Please hold me, Ian.  I'm so
scared!"
   "Are you sure?" He was already having second thoughts about being in his
cousin's bed and he didn't want his hormones going stupid on him while
laying next to Brenda.
   "Yes, please..."
   Ian slipped under the covers, grabbing the other pillow and placing it
under his head.  He settled next to her as she moved closer to him and
rested her head on his chest.  Ian put his arms around her and held her to
him, her strong, warm body feeling wonderful to his touch.  Without a word,
both were soon asleep.
   A little while later, Ian woke abruptly.  He looked at Brenda's clock
and it read 4:42.  His arm, chest, and shoulder were sore from Brenda
sleeping on them and she appeared to be in a deep sleep.  Ian sniffed at
her hair and it had dried, leaving behind a fresh, fruity smell.  Her skin
had a light, musky scent to it that Ian thought was very sensual.  Thoughts
of her silhouette returned and he started to become aroused once more. 
Knowing he needed to leave before something happened, Ian wriggled away
from Brenda and tried to place her head on her pillow without her waking.
After doing so and thinking he was home free, Brenda stirred.
   "Where do you think you're going?" she asked in a sleepy voice.
   "Back to my room.  I have trouble sleeping on my back," he lied, but how
could he tell her the truth?
   "Please stay.  I feel safe with you next to me."
   "But..."
   "Just lay next to me.  That's all I need, please." He could feel the
emotions starting to churn within her voice.
   "Okay." Unsure as to whether he should or not, Ian moved back to her
side, this time laying on his stomach.  He turned his face to her as she
pulled the covers over his shoulders.  She then put her arm across his back
and snuggled to his shoulder, her face but inches away from his.
   "I'll love you forever for this, Ian.  Don't you forget it," she
whispered before she drifted off to sleep.
   "Anything for you, cuz," he replied as he listened to her steady
breathing.
   Ian woke and looked around.  It was light out and the clock said 10:17.
Brenda was nowhere to be seen, although her nightgown was on the bed next
to him.  He was tempted to smell it, to try and find her scent, but he
resisted the temptation.  He got out of her bed and went across the hall to
his room and closed the door.  After taking a quick shower, he felt
refreshed and went downstairs after dressing once more.  Brenda wasn't
there, either, so Ian went to the basement where he found her putting
clothes into the washing machine.  She turned as she heard him approach and
smiled.  She turned back and finished loading the washer.
   "Been up long?" he asked as he moved closer.
   "Oh, not too long.  I just decided to do some housework to keep me
occupied.  I've got dishes cleaning and the laundry going and I need to
clean upstairs for the funeral.  There's not much to do, mom always kept
the house spotless.  I'll never be able to keep it that clean.  I have to
contact the church and go over the Mass.  I have to get the clothes over to
the funeral home.  Other than that, I have the rest of my life to think
about not having my parents any more." The last few words came out
haltingly as she began to cry.  "No matter how busy I am, I can't stop
crying!" She turned away and placed her hands on the washer for support. 
Ian moved forward to her side and placed a hand on her shoulder.  "You've
been so wonderful," she sniffed.  She turned and placed her head against
his chest, hugging him tight.  "I don't know what I'd do without you."
   "That's okay," he said, hugging her back.  "You know I'll always be here
for you."
   They made their way back upstairs.  When they reached the landing,
Brenda said, "I never asked you about your phone call to your mom.  How did
it go?  What did she say?"
   "Well," Ian said as they neared the kitchen, "dad can't make it.  He's
got too much going on in Helsinki.  And mom, well...she..." Ian looked
down, ashamed.
   "She doesn't want to come," Brenda said, finishing the sentence for him.
   "Yeah," Ian said, still avoiding Brenda's face.  "I'm sorry."
   "Me too," she said, a bit angrily.  "I guess I thought she might come."
   "I think maybe she really wants to, but she just won't give in, even
now. I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't listen.  I'm sorry," he said
again.
   "Don't apologize," she said sharply, a bit stronger than she intended.
Gentler, she said, "It's not your fault." Changing the subject, she asked
him, "Do you have any plans?"
   Ian thought for a minute.  He knew that he wanted to get a new suit for
the funeral knowing that he had outgrown the suits in his closet.  "Not
much.  Why?"
   "I mean, if you have something to do, go ahead.  I don't mind."
   "It's nothing that I can't do later.  What's up?"
   "Could you help me with the housework?  It should only take about an
hour and it would mean a lot to me.  All you have to do is vacuum." She
raised her eyes in expectation.
   "Yeah, sure, I can vacuum for you.  Show me where it is and I'll get
started."
   "Great, thanks, I'll get it for you," she said as she left the kitchen.
When she returned, they started to clean.  Like Brenda said, it only took
about an hour and when they finished, it looked pretty good.  She would
save the upstairs for later since it didn't need much cleaning.  Ian
invited her to go along with him to his father's tailor to buy a suit and
she accepted, wanting an excuse to get out of the house.
   The ride back from the tailor's was quiet.  Brenda's thoughts were
drifting back to her family and happier times.  She remembered holidays and
birthdays, vacations and other surprises.  She remembered how Ryan and her
parents watched her play volleyball in high school and cheered her on
through good games and bad.  There were times when she was young and Ryan
would play games with her for hours, even though it probably bored him to
tears and he had other things to do.  That was the Ryan she always wanted
to remember, not the paranoid heroin addict that he would become.  Brenda
was thankful that she would never have to think of her parents in two
different ways.  She knew that she could not have had any better parents
and felt lucky and blessed that she had them for the time that she did,
even though it was much too short.  She felt cheated and angry that they
were taken away so quickly, so quickly that her dad was already dead before
she could see him and only machines kept her mom alive long enough for her
to say good-bye.
   Brenda hated to dwell on things like that.  She knew that it wouldn't
bring back her parents any more that it had brought back Ryan.  It had only
screwed her up worse than she already was.  Blaming herself for Ryan's
death was the perfect excuse for pushing the world away.  Ryan had been
good at making his problems everyone else's, too.  Ian had seen through it
and Brenda had hated it when he brought it to her attention, although deep
down, she knew he was right.  Ryan had manipulated her sympathies to the
very end, to the point where Brenda almost thought that she was the one who
stuck the needle in his arm.
   Her parents death was different and she knew it.  There was nothing she
could have done to prevent it, but it didn't make the pain any easier to
bear.  This time, the pain was doubled and she didn't know how long she
would be able to keep it all together.
   Ian glanced at his cousin from time to time, a worried look crossing his
face.  It wasn't like her to be this quiet.  He knew that she was going
through her own personal hell, but he wished she would talk, say something,
anything.  He was no good at idle chit-chat and wouldn't pretend to be. 
The only available subject would be funereal in nature and he certainly
didn't want to go in that direction.  He had never gone through a death in
his family, so he wasn't sure what to say or do.  He couldn't imagine the
pain and suffering that she was feeling, but he was doing the best he
could.
   Occasionally, Brenda would brush away tears from her eyes with the back
of her hand and go back to staring out the car window.  Her mind was
focused on the funeral and what her future would be.  She figured that her
parents had some money set aside, but she had no idea how much.  The first
thing to do would be to sell the house, she assumed.  It was something that
she didn't want to do, it held so many memories for her.  She didn't think
that she could bear to part with it.  Brenda didn't even know if it was
still mortgaged, although she figured that the insurance would probably
cover it.  Her parents never discussed their finances with her and it
puzzled her since it would be her chosen profession.  She was thankful that
she had two weeks left before she headed back to her final semester before
graduation.  It would give her time to get things organized and to get the
estate in order.  Her financial mind was active now, thinking about the
house and other things.  She was grateful that Roger would be lending his
guidance to her and helping her get through all of the legal matters.
   The only matter left was Ian.  She didn't know what she was going to do
once he went back to his house.  Her house was going to be too big and
quiet once he left.  She certainly wanted him to stay after the funeral,
but for how long?  Certainly, his parents would object to his staying
longer.  For all she knew, they might be objecting to his being there now.
She admitted to herself that she was scared of being alone, scared of being
without family around her.  Ian had filled that void so perfectly over the
past few days and she wished that it could continue, but knew it wouldn't.
Too many people would have a fit over it.  Two cousins sharing a house
together just isn't right, they'd say.  Too many things could happen.  Like
what?  Sleeping together?  We've already done that, she laughed to herself.
My God, they both knew that they could never get romantically involved,
that was a given, even though she would date him in a second if they
weren't related.  They were almost perfectly matched and they knew each
other inside and out, so the actual dating part wouldn't be necessary.  Go
straight to marriage, she smiled to herself.  Besides that, she knew that
they were attracted to each other.  But, they could never cross that line
and she would have to let him go eventually.  She wouldn't like it and she
suspected that Ian wouldn't, either.
   They were home by late afternoon and had an early supper of soup and
grilled cheese sandwiches.  After supper, Brenda answered messages from the
answering machine and made other calls to relatives and friends.  Ian
busied himself with the computer in his room.  After an hour or so of
surfing the net, he wandered back downstairs.  Brenda was sitting in a
chair in the living room with a notepad in hand.
   "What's up?" he asked as he sat down opposite of her on the sofa.
   "Nothing much," she sighed, "just trying to get a list of pall bearers
together so it'll be set for Wednesday."
   "Can it wait?"
   "No, I want to do it now and get it out of the way."
   "Okay," he said.  He didn't know why she wanted it done at that time,
but he didn't argue.  "You know I'll be one," he added.
   "I know," she replied, still writing on the pad, "but I don't want you
away from me for a second that day.  I've got other cousins and friends in
mind.  I think I'll ask some of dad's friends at the firm.  That should do
it."
   She dropped the pad and pen on the table in front of her and leaned back
in the chair, hands folded behind her head.  "Ian?" she asked.
   "Yeah," he said, looking up from a magazine that he had begun reading.
   "I'm going to need you more than anything in the next few days."
   "I know," he replied.  "You know I'll be here for you."
   "I know.  I want to ask a favor of you."
   "Sure, anything, you know that."
   "Will you stay at least through the weekend?"
   Ian pondered for a few moments.  He really wanted to and he knew that
Brenda would need him.  He still wasn't sure if it was the right thing to
do.  He figured that the buzz about him being there wasn't going to die
down anytime soon and he didn't want her family giving her a hard time
about it.  Still, if she was asking him to stay, she had already thought it
through and had made up her mind about the matter.  His parents wouldn't be
pleased should they find out, but it wouldn't be the first time that they
were angry with him.
   He answered, "Well, I need to get some more clothes from home."
   Brenda smiled, "Thank you, Ian."
   "Only for you, cuz."
   Monday March 15
   His alarm went off at 8:00 o'clock and he shut it off quickly.  Ian
hoped that Brenda had had a peaceful sleep and he had kept his door open
just in case, but everything was quiet.
   After he cleaned up and changed clothes, he took his dirty clothes to
the basement to be cleaned.  The dryer was already running so he knew that
Brenda was up.  His clothes were all dark, expect for his underwear, which
were white, and threw them into the washer.  He put the underwear aside and
started the machine after putting the soap in.
   Hearing footsteps above him, Ian knew that Brenda was walking around. 
Presently, the basement door opened and Brenda bounded down.  Seeing Ian,
she said, "What are you doing?"
   "Laundry."
   "I would have done that for you."
   "I know, but it's not much."
   Brenda moved past him and checked the settings of the machine.  They met
her approval.  She said, "Maybe there's hope for you, yet."
   "Where'd that come from?"
   "Nowhere.  Come on up and I'll make you some breakfast." Brenda turned
and bounded back up the stairs two at a time with Ian following at a slower
pace.
   After a breakfast of bacon, eggs, toast, and juice, Ian helped Brenda
load the dish washer.  When they left the kitchen, Ian asked Brenda her
plans for the day.
   "I have to get the clothes to the funeral home and I've got a meeting
with Father Paul at noon to go over the Mass for mom and dad.  And you?"
   "Just bringing some clothes over and picking up the suit.  Want some
company?"
   "Of course I do.  There's no way I want to do this alone.  Why do you
think I was asking you?"
   Ian shrugged and went to the living room while Brenda went upstairs to
her room to change.  After a half hour went by, Ian began to wonder why it
was taking so long.  She was just changing clothes, he thought.  Curiosity
got the best of him, so he went upstairs to find her.  Her door was open,
but she wasn't there.  The bathroom was empty, too.  He went to the end of
the hall and looked in the room on the left.  He saw Brenda sitting on the
bed surrounded by clothes.  Tears were streaming down her face as she
smoothed the cloth of a pale blue dress.
   Ian walked in quietly, not wanting to disturb her.  She heard him,
anyway, and turned his way.  Not bothering to wipe the tears, she
whispered, "Please leave.  I need to do this alone." Ian nodded and backed
away.  "I'll be down in a little bit," she said as he left.
   "Take your time," Ian said.  He went to the basement where he emptied
the clothes in the dryer to a clean basket and threw his newly washed
clothes into the already warm dryer.  The clothes in the basket were mostly
bras, underwear, and nightgowns.  Ian noticed immediately, but decided not
to let his imagination go wild.  He took the basket upstairs and put it
near the staircase in the living room.
   Brenda came down about fifteen minutes later with the clothes.  Ian took
the two hangers covered in plastic from her and she put a sack on the floor
that contained smaller essentials.
   "I didn't know what else to bring.  I hope this is enough," she said,
sighing.
   "I'm sure it'll be fine," Ian replied.
   Since it was a bit chilly, they put on light jackets and headed for the
funeral home.  Once there, they went over last minute details with Brenda.
The clothes that Brenda brought were enough and they were taken to another
room.  They decided that there were to be two visitation periods, the first
from two to four, and the second from six until nine in the evening.  Other
details were discussed and taken care of.  As they walked to the door, the
representative told Brenda that she could come any time after noon to visit
her parents.
   "Thank you, but we'll be here around one o'clock," she replied.
   "As you wish," he said as he opened the door for her.
   They arrived at St.  Augustine's parish office promptly at noon.  Father
Paul greeted them at the door and introductions were made.  He led them to
his office where chairs were ready across from his desk.  He showed them to
their seats and they sat down.
   "Coffee?" he asked them, but they both declined.  He poured a cup for
himself.
   He showed Brenda the readings that he had picked and the music that the
music director had chosen.  She was pleased with all of the selections and
gave them back to him.  He asked Brenda to describe her parents to him
since he didn't know them very well.  She gave him a brief, but thorough
description of them, plus amusing anecdotes and other personal stories. 
She told him of the difficult times with Ryan and how they never wavered in
their support of him, the fun vacations to Michigan, and their support for
her career choice even though they preferred that she study law.
   When she finished, he asked, "What about you?  What are your plans?"
   "I'm going to finish school.  I've got so little to do to graduate,
they'd be really upset if I didn't finish now.  I'm doing it for them as
much for me.  I'm just going to keep my mind busy for the next few months
and see what happens."
   "When does school start for you?"
   "Two weeks."
   "I see," he said as he leaned back in his chair.  "I think it's wise
that you're continuing you education and not putting it off, but allow
yourself time to heal, time to mourn.  Don't hold it in and don't keep it
to yourself.  That's the best advise that I can give you.  I'm here for any
counseling that you may want or need." He stood up and Brenda took that as
a dismissal.  She and Ian followed Father Paul back to the front door.
   They stopped at Ian's for about an hour as he packed more clothes,
checked messages, and looked at the mail.  Meanwhile, Brenda found a frozen
pizza and put it in the oven.  While eating, Brenda appeared to be more
relaxed than during the early part of the morning.  They picked up his suit
in the afternoon and it was ready.  Ian tried it on before they left the
store and he was satisfied with the fit, as was Brenda, who nodded
approvingly.
   They headed back to her house where Ian took his suit and clothes
upstairs, while Brenda checked phone messages and her own mail.  There was
mostly bills and advertisements and Brenda put the bills aside to be taken
over to Roger's office where he would pay them from the estate.  She knew
that the bill paying would eventually fall to her and she wondered where
the money would come from.  She had hoped to stay in school and get her
MBA, but she would have to find work soon.  Brenda figured that she would
receive some money from her parents life insurance policies and their
assets, but she hadn't a clue as to how much.  She really hoped to keep the
house, but she was sure that it's sale was inevitible and the thought of
selling saddened her deeply.  Brenda felt a bit guilty going through things
that were addressed to her mom and dad, as if she were invading their
privacy.  Quite a few of them were credit card bills and Brenda was
surprised at the balances.  Almost all of them were $200 or less.  She was
grateful that they took such good care of their credit.  Of course, she
didn't know if there were any others, but she felt secure in the knowledge
of what she had discovered.  The other bills included power and light,
cable, telephone, and water.  She arranged the bills in neat stacks on the
coffee table and left to find an envelope for them.
   Brenda went to her father's study to look for the envelope.  His room
and desk were just as neat as his office downtown and Brenda didn't want to
disturb anything.  Not seeing any envelopes out in the open, she began to
open drawers in the desk.  Not finding anything in the side drawers, she
opened the middle drawer.  Inside was a ledger marked 'checking' .  Not
knowing what to expect, Brenda placed it on the desk in front of her,
opened it, and began to study.
   It was almost an hour before Brenda emerged from the study, envelopes in
hand.  She closed the door softly and returned to the living room in a
semi-daze.  Ian was reading a book that he had found and didn't look up. 
Brenda walked slowly to the sofa and eased herself into the cushion next to
him.
   "Uh, Ian," she said with a slight catch in her throat.
   "Um," he said, still engrossed in the book.
   She turned to him and put her hand on his arm.  Ian looked at her.  "I
need to talk, I think," she said.
   "What's up?" he asked, closing the book.
   "Well, I, um, I was looking for envelopes in dad's study and I came
across some of his bank accounts, you know, checking and savings."
   "Really?"
   "Yeah.  It only had his name on them, which I found a bit strange, but
it looked like he paid bills with this ledger."
   "Okay."
   "Anyway, the balance was pretty high on the checking."
   "How much."
   "Over $30,000."
   Ian whistled his appreciation.  "That's quite a sum."
   "Yeah, that's just part of it.  I'm sure they had some type of joint
account, but if he had his own account, I think mom would have had one,
too. I couldn't find any other accounts, though.  Maybe mom has them
elsewhere."
   "You said something about savings," he reminded her.
   "Oh yes," she said excitedly, her hand touching his arm once more.  "I
almost forgot.  How could I forget that?" She smacked her forehead with her
palm.  "You wouldn't believe the amount in savings."
   "How much?" he asked.
   "You won't believe it."
   "Yes, I will.  How much?" He was getting impatient.
   "Over $425,000!"
   "Wow!" Ian said.  Although his family was much wealthier than Brenda's,
he was still impressed.
   "Wow is right," Brenda said as she sunk into the cushions of the sofa.
"I never knew they had that much money.  They never really showed it.  I
mean we've always had this house and nice cars and stuff.  I guess I never
thought about it.  They never discussed money and finances with me."
   "That's weird, considering you're a finance major."
   "Yeah, it is.  It's just hard to believe.  I guess I won't have to worry
about bills for a while," she said relieved.  They're looking after me,
even in death, she thought to herself.  Of course, she knew that the assets
wouldn't stay that high once all of the bills, legal fees, and taxes were
paid, but she was sure that she could get her MBA without having to work
for the next few years.
   Later, she went through her mom's office and found her accounts. 
Although not as substantial as her father's, it still totaled over $50,000.
She was still puzzled over the fact that she didn't see a joint account
anywhere.  She was sure that they would have an account together.  It just
didn't make sense.  She went back to her father's study and looked around,
but didn't see anything.  Perhaps Roger could provide the answers for her.
   Ian was asleep on the sofa, the book beside him, when Brenda finally
came back from the study.  She smiled when she saw him and debated as to
wake him or find a blanket and cover him.  She shut off the TV as she went
by and sat down next to him.  He didn't stir as she took the book and
placed it on the table.
   "Hey Ian," she said softly, shaking his shoulder.  "It's getting late."
   Ian slowly opened one eye and closed it.  "Go away, I'm trying to
sleep," he said as a smirk appeared.  He opened his other eye and closed
it.
   "Come on, Ian, we've got a long day tomorrow." She leaned down and
kissed his cheek, taking his hand in hers.
   "Yes we do," he said, feeling the sadness in her voice.
   Tuesday March 16
   Brenda recognized the dream almost as soon as it began.  The sounds, the
visions, everything was the same.  She woke herself and sat upright in her
bed.  Breathing heavily, Brenda looked around for familiar objects.  Once
she realized that she was in her own room, her breathing eased and she
started to calm down.  She was exhausted and desperately wanted to go back
to sleep, but she couldn't face that dream again.  She looked at the clock
and it was only 1:45.  No wonder I'm exhausted, she thought.  "What the
hell do I do?" she muttered.
   After a few minutes of debate, Brenda settled back into her bed and fell
into an uneasy sleep.  Soon, the dream started again.  It went a little
further this time, but Brenda was able to wake herself, once more, before
it became gruesome.  She bolted upright, threw the covers off, and ran out
of her room to the hallway in front of Ian's room.  His door was open and
she stepped in.  Brenda avoided making noise as she tip-toed to his bed. 
She sat down next to him and touched his shoulder.
   "Huh, wha, what?" he woke with a start.  He turned over and sat up on
his elbows, trying to make out the person who waked him.  "Brenda?" he
asked tentatively.
   "Yeah, it's me," she whispered.
   "You okay?" he asked, suddenly alert.
   "No," she replied as she started to cry.  Her shoulders began to shake
as tears began to form.  Ian moved to his right, took Brenda's hand and
pulled her down to the bed, putting his arms around her.  He could feel the
wetness of her cheeks as she pressed against his shoulder.  She cried in
his arms for a long time while Ian held her and soothed her.  After she
stopped, she wiped her tear-stained face with her sleeve.  Wordlessly, she
settled down where Ian had been sleeping as he covered her with the
blankets.  Ian layed down next to his cousin and pulled the covers to his
chest.  He put his arm around her and pulled her to him.  She layed her
head on his chest and sighed contently.
   "I need you so much," she murmured.
   "I'm right here."
   "Please don't leave me."
   "Never."
   The alarm woke Ian with a start.  Brenda was still in his arms, laying
on his chest, but her body had turned and her left leg was slung over his
thigh, almost to the point where she was lying on top of him.  Her left arm
was draped across his chest and her hip was directly over his groin.
   Ian tried to move to turn off the alarm, but was pinned down.  Brenda
was slow to react to the noise and moved slightly to Ian's squirming.  Ian
felt her move her hip a bit, grinding against him and to his embarrassment,
become immediately aroused at the sensation.  He tried to move before
Brenda noticed, but Brenda felt him wiggling underneath her and realized
how they were positioned.  She felt something poking her and knew what that
was, too.  Smiling to herself and feeling a bit aroused, she rolled away
from him.  Ian rolled to his right and turned off the alarm, concealing his
hard on as best as possible by keeping the blankets over his torso, his
legs crossed in front of him.  Brenda was lying on her right side, head
propped up with her elbow, looking straight at him, staring very hard and
almost looking through him.
   Ian found her intensity a bit unnerving, but he didn't look away.  He
returned the gaze, smiled, and began to get lost in her soft, brown eyes,
eyes that were starting to get misty.  She continued to to stare at him for
a few more seconds, studying him, taking in all of his features; his blond
crew cut, his light-green eyes, his pleasant smile.
   "You know," she said softly, slowly, "if you weren't my cousin and I
didn't love you and need you so much..." She reached up and stroked his
cheek.
   "Yes...?" he asked.  His breathing quickened as he waited for her to
continue.
   "Well, let's just say that I don't think I'd be a virgin much longer."
Brenda sat up, leaned forward, and kissed him on the cheek.  "These are the
moments when I wish you weren't my cousin."
   "I know the feeling," Ian said, taking her soft hand in his.  "It's
really weird," he continued.
   "What's weird?"
   "You know, last year when we went to Disney, I never had the feelings
for you that I do now.  I mean, we were by ourselves, we could have slept
together and no one would have known the difference, but we slept in
separate rooms and all.  I had a great time, but it was just us hanging out
doing things together.  It was never anything more than us having fun.  But
now..."
   "It's different, isn't it?" she asked.
   "Much different."
   "Yeah."
   They both sat silent for a few moments.  Ian studied her, trying to get
a clue as to what she was thinking.  He was now certain that he was in love
with her, although he had never been "in love" with anyone before.  For
him, it hadn't been a sudden revelation.  He had felt it coming on for a
few months, but had dismissed it due to the lack of female companionship.
He was smart enough to recognize that a lot of these feelings came to the
surface because of the closeness they shared during the past few days. 
But, it was unfair that two people who loved each other and were meant for
each other were barred from any type of deep, true happiness because of
kinship.  He knew that the situation could get out of control very easily
if they weren't careful.  As much as his hormones were raging for her, he
knew that they needed to slow down before they did something stupid that
they would regret forever.  He certainly didn't want to move out, not yet,
not while Brenda was in such a fragile state of mind.  He knew that her
being alone was inevitible, that she would have to go through that process
sometime, but he didn't know when.
   "You know," Brenda broke the silence, "I've never told you this before,
but I think I started to love you when we were at Disney.  I don't think
that I could have had more fun with anyone else in the world.  I wanted to
be with you all of the time, and I mean, all of the time.  I wanted to
sleep with you every night.  I wanted to so bad, it hurt.  It was times
like that and now that I wish that you were the man in my life.  It's times
like this that I want to make love to you and make us one.
   "It seems like for the past few years, I can't date anyone without
comparing them to you.  No one measures up to you, Ian, and I don't think
anyone ever will.  It hurts so much to know that we'll never be any more
than best friends...when we deserve so much more."
   Ian sat quietly, taking in everything that Brenda said.  He looked back
at her and tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace.  Brenda was
staring intently at him once again.  For a moment, she thought he was about
to cry, but he cleared his throat and turned away for a second.  Looking
back her, he said, "You must have been reading my mind.  I can't wait for
our lunch dates on campus.  I look forward to it as if it were an actual
date with someone.  I don't know what to do, cuz.  Part of me wants to take
that nightgown off of you and love you forever, but I think it would ruin
everything, don't you?" Brenda nodded slowly.  "I'm not going to risk
losing you forever.  You mean too much to me." He squeezed her hand. 
"Let's just work on being the very best friends anyone ever had."
   "We don't have to work on that.  You're already the best friend I could
ever have." She moved close to Ian and hugged him.  "I love you so much,"
she whispered in his ear.
   "You too," he said.  They broke their embrace and looked at each other.
"You know," he continued, "I think we missed out on a great time."
   "I know we did," Brenda replied, laughing.
   "Still a virgin?"
   "Yeah, and you?"
   "Yeah."
   They arrived at the funeral home promptly at 1:00 and were greeted at
the door by the owner, James Morris, and were escorted directly to the
viewing parlor.  The smell of roses hit Brenda immediately and started to
nauseate her.  She became light-headed and dizzy and grabbed Ian's arm for
dear life.  Ian, startled, looked at Brenda and saw a pale shadow in her
place.  He guided her quickly to the nearest chair and sat her down.  He
asked Mr.  Morris for a cup of water and it was brought to them.
   "Thanks," Brenda said weakly.  The water was very cold, for which Brenda
was grateful.  She sipped the water with her head down, not wanting to look
at the coffins.  Ian was rubbing her back trying to comfort her.  After a
few minutes, Brenda steeled herself and nodded to Ian.  Ian got up quickly
and extended his arms to her, whose view was blocked by him.  He supported
her as she rose slowly and unsteadily.  Once on her feet, Ian waited for
her lead.  She moved to his right and took hold of his hand with both of
hers.  Slowly, they walked to the coffins.
   They were situated at the far wall, Alice on the left and Harry on the
right, with Harry's head at Alice's feet.  Both coffins were bronze in
color with gold rails and brackets.  The lighting was subdued and low.  Ian
looked closely at Harry and he could see bruising and swelling about the
face, although cosmetics and the lighting had concealed most of it.  Alice
was more or less the same, but to a lesser extent.  Brenda gripped Ian's
hand tightly as she gazed at her father.  Her chin quivered, but she didn't
cry.  Tentatively, she reached out with her left hand and touched her
father's hand, which had a rosary intertwined in his fingers.  She drew
back quickly as the coldness of his touch startled her.  Slowly, she placed
her hand back again and tenderly stroked his hand.  A few minutes later,
she moved over to her mother and held her hand momentarily.  Brenda could
not quite get over the coldness of their touch.  She gazed at her mother's
face, hoping against hope that she would wake and the nightmare be over,
but Alice remained cold, silent.
   Brenda let go of her hand and patted it.  She turned to Ian, "I need
some air." It was barely audible.  He led her out of the room to the main
hallway.  Once there, Brenda sat down, took a handkerchief from her purse
and blew her nose.  Looking up at Ian, she asked, "Could you get me some
more water, please?  I think I left the cup in the other room."
   "Sure," Ian said.  "I'll be right back." He strode quickly to the
viewing parlor and found the cup.  It was still half full, so he came back
and handed it to Brenda.
   "Thanks," she said before she took a drink.  "You know," she said,
motioning to the other room, "they look better that I expected.  They
looked so terrible in the hospital.  I guess I thought nothing could be
done to make them look better."
   "They did a good job," Ian remarked.
   "Remind me to thank Mr.  Morris, will you?"
   "Sure."
   Ian sat down beside her.  They still had forty minutes before the guests
were to arrive.  Ian thought that Brenda was doing remarkably well so far
and he was proud of her.  Brenda finished the water and handed the cup to
Ian.
   "You want some more?" he asked.
   "Yes, please," she replied.  As Ian stood up to leave, Brenda said,
"I'll be inside.  I want to look at the flowers."
   Ian looked at her quizzedly.  "You sure?" he asked.
   "Yeah, I'll be okay," she replied.  Ian wasn't sure if he should leave
her alone, but she smiled and waved him away.  Reluctantly, he left and
Brenda got up from the sofa and returned to the room.  She started at her
right and one by one, she studied the flowers and the note attached.  She
recognized almost all of the sender's names.  The ones she didn't know, she
assumed were business associates of her parents.  Ian met up with her
within a few minutes and handed her a small bottle of water.
   "They were in the fridge in the lounge," he explained.  "They said we
could take as many as we wanted."
   "Mom and dad had a great many friends.  Look at all of these flowers,"
she said, looking around, ignoring his explanation.
   Ian looked around and was impressed at the magnitude.  All four walls
were two or three rows deep with the arrangements.  He watched as Brenda
carefully read each card, one by one.  When it got to be 12:50, Ian let her
know that it was getting close to the visiting time.
   They stationed themselves to the left of Alice's coffin since the
mourners would be filing in counter-clockwise.  Brenda was closest to the
coffin, while Ian stood beside her to her right.  Brenda knew almost
everyone and greeted them warmly.  She introduced Ian to everyone and he
never shook hands with so many people in his life.  Family and friends
looked upon Ian with curiosity before he was introduced to them.  They
thought Brenda had married without them knowing or that he was her
boyfriend.  More than a few of the younger, unattached women made it a
point to talk to Ian after finding out that he was a cousin and not a beau.
He was courteous and polite, but offered nothing more.  Yes, he was
attracted to some, but he thought it crass for them to flirt with him,
obvious or not.
   The line never seemed to end, but Ian never looked at his watch to check
the time.  He knew that the evening visitation would be worse.  He held
Brenda's hand a few times when it looked like she would break down, but he
tried not to do it too much thinking that it might attract attention. 
Brenda dabbed her eyes a few times, but remained stable with Ian at her
side.
   The line started to dwindle around 3:30 and by 4:15, the last of the
mourners had left.  Brenda turned to Ian and threw her arms around his
neck, hugging him tight.  "Thank you, thank you," she said over and over as
her tears flowed freely, allowing her emotions to surface once more.  "I
would have never made it without you," she sobbed.  She continued to cry
for several minutes as Ian tried to comfort her.  There was nothing much
for him to do except let her cry it out.
   Mr.  Morris waited patiently and discreetly in the hall while Brenda
cried on Ian's shoulder.  When he thought that the time was right, he
entered the room and approached the couple.  Ian looked up when he heard
him walk towards them.  Brenda moved from Ian, wiping her eyes and blowing
her nose.
   "There's sandwiches and drinks in the lounge if you'd like something
before the next visitation period," he said.
   "You're too kind, thank you," Brenda said.
   Morris nodded in appreciation and turned to leave.  "Oh, Mr.  Morris,"
Brenda said.  He turned back and faced her.  Brenda looked at her parents
and then back to him.  "Thank you for doing such a good job with them.  I
know that it was probably a very difficult job.  They were pretty beat up."
   "You're very welcome, Miss Barringer.  If there's anything else that I
or my staff can do for you, please let us know."
   "Thank you, I will," she replied.
   Morris left them and went back to his office.  Ian took Brenda's hand
and led her out of the room.  As Ian turned to go to the lounge, Brenda
hesitated.
   "Let's go outside for a while.  I need some fresh air."
   "Okay," Ian replied.
   It was a typical March afternoon, cool and blustery.  The grounds of
Morris Funeral Chapel were not large, so they decided to walk around the
neighborhood.  Arms around each other's waists, they strolled the
tree-lined streets that had yet to bloom.  Birds were starting to return
from the south and the chirping cheered Brenda somewhat.  Neither said much
as they walked, each content with being with each other.
   Brenda's mind was in a whirl, reliving the last few hours.  Sometimes,
she felt like she was in a dream, not the nightmare that plagued her, but
one where she would awaken and her parents would be alive and laughing at
the dinner table at a joke that her dad had told.  But, she knew that this
nightmare was real and neverending.  Her friends, family, and the other
mourners made this painfully clear and it wasn't something that she could
get rid of, no matter how hard she tried.  She really appreciated the kind
thoughts, gestures, and remarks from everyone who came.  Her parents were
loved and respected more than she knew and now she had an even deeper sense
of loss because of it.
   As they rounded the corner and headed back to the funeral home, a sense
of dread came over her.  Their pace slowed down and eventually stopped a
half a block away.  Brenda turned her face upward and smelled the air that
hinted rain.  She loved rainstorms and wished for a downpour to wash away
her sadness.  Ian noticed her apprehension and held her close.  She looked
at him and smiled slightly as she put her head against his shoulder.
   "I don't want to go back," she said.
   "I know."
   "I want stay here with you until the rain washes us away." A distant
rumble of thunder was heard across the grim, gray sky as the wind began to
pick up a bit.
   "Sounds like a great plan," he remarked, "but there's a small problem."
   "What's that?"
   "I tend to get wet when it rains."
   "Oh Ian..."
   "And I can't swim very well.  You know that."
   "I'd save you."
   "That's comforting."
   "I wouldn't let you drown."
   "Of course not..."
   "I mean, I need to keep you around for a while."
   "A while?  That's not very long."
   "It could be."
   "How long?"
   "As long as you like."
   "I'd like that."
   "I thought you would."
   "One small problem."
   "Oh no, not the cousin thing again."
   "Sorry."
   "You would bring that up.  It's such a small, insignificant thing," she
pouted.
   "People would talk."
   "So?"
   "My parents would disinherit me."
   "I'd help you out."
   "Really?"
   "Sure.  I think we can find a space for you in the garage," she smiled.
   "Garage?  Your bed sounds better to me."
   "I'm sure it would.  Remember the cousin thing."
   "Oh yeah.  Sorry, I forgot.  But, hey, we could do the platonic thing. I
mean, we've already slept together twice and we've kept our clothes on."
   "I wouldn't be able to control myself."
   "Oh really?" he asked, eyebrows raised.
   "You wouldn't be able to resist me, either, and you know it."
   "Very true," he admitted.
   "So, it sounds like the garage for you."
   "What about the couch downstairs?"
   "Too small for you."
   "Better than the garage."
   "Well, I'd have to lock my door every night to keep you away."
   "What about me?  You can come down and open the door to the garage any
time.  How will I be protected from you?"
   "Oh, I'd be too tired and sleepy to walk all that way.  It wouldn't be
worth it," she smirked.
   "Brat!"
   "Yes, and what's your point?" she asked as the rain began to fall.
   "Come on, let's get going," he said as he began to pull her with him. 
"I don't feel like drowning."
   "I told you I'd save you," Brenda said as she matched him stride for
stride, walking quickly down the sidewalk until they were on the porch of
the funeral home.  The rain started to come down in buckets, a real
downpour.  They were lucky to have escaped it.
   "Wow!  Just in time," Ian exclaimed as he started to turn to go inside.
   "No, wait," Brenda said, "let's stay out here for a while.  I love a
good rainstorm."
   So, Ian stayed by her side as she admired the deluge.  It was almost as
if the skies were mourning Brenda's loss, too.  Yet, it comforted her.  She
remembered how she used to be afraid of storms and her mom would come to
her room and keep her company until her fears were eased.  Eventually, as
she grew older, she enjoyed the rain and looked forward to storms.  Looking
out onto the glassy, water-filled streets, she knew that her mom would have
enjoyed it, too.
   After she had her fill, they went inside and helped themselves to the
sandwiches and drinks.  Neither were hungry, but they knew that they had to
keep up their strength, so they ate and talked and even joked a little
about Ian's "future" housing arrangement.
   "You know," Brenda said between bites, "if you ever need a place to
stay, you know, just to get away, my house is always open to you.  Of
course, there must be some place in that mansion of yours to get away and
hide."
   "They always find me.  It's a sixth sense, I think.  But, thanks, I'll
keep that in mind."
   "It's going to be pretty lonely when you leave.  I'm really going to
miss having you around all of the time."
   "There's always the garage," he laughed.  Brenda giggled, in spite of
her thoughts about Ian leaving.  She wished that there was some way that he
could stay without everyone having a coronary, but she knew that it would
be impossible and that she had to resign herself to that fact.  They
remained quiet for a few minutes.
   "You know what I'll miss most?" Ian blurted out suddenly.
   "What?"
   "Sleeping with you."
   Brenda choked on her sandwich and coughed for a few seconds.  After she
regained her composure, she began to laugh.
   "What's so funny?" Ian asked in a hurt voice.
   "Oh no, Ian, I'm not laughing at you.  It's just the way you said it. 
'Sleeping with someone' is always associated with sex.  I just wasn't
expecting it, that's all." She coughed a few times more and wiped her mouth
with a napkin.  "I'm sorry, it just sounded funny to me."
   "That's okay," he replied, smiling.  "I guess it did come out a little
different than I intended, but, I will miss that a lot."
   "Me too.  It was wonderful having you next to me.  I really needed you,
still do."
   Ian reached across the table and took her hand.  "You know I'm just a
phone call away."
   "Yeah, I know."
   "Good, I expect a lot of calls," he said laughing.
   "You'll get a lot, believe me."
   They continued to talk and joke until it was after 5:30.  They cleaned
their table, threw away the trash, and put the sandwiches and drinks back
into the refrigerator.  No one had arrived, so Brenda decided to spend some
time alone with her parents.  She first went to her father and knelt down
in front of his coffin.  Brenda was not a particularly religious person,
but she meditated and prayed for several minutes.  When she finished, she
leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, his coldness shocking her lips.
She moved away and went to her mother where she went through the same
pattern.  Brenda was more prepared to kiss her mom, but it still was an
unpleasant shock.
   A few people had arrived early and had tried to enter the parlor, but
Ian and Mr.  Morris intercepted them before they were able to disturb
Brenda.  Once she finished, Ian took his spot next to her and the
procession began once more.  Ian left her side only to provide her with
more water.  Once again, family and friends were curious about him, but any
rumors were dispelled when their relationship became known.  Of course,
some who knew that Ian was staying with her wagged their tongues about it
privately, but Brenda ignored it.  She had never hidden that fact, and
besides, who else had offered to stay with her?  No one.  She had nothing
to be ashamed of and she didn't care what people thought.
   Roger Rigsby came by at 7:00 and was greeted by Brenda with open arms.
He warmly shook Ian's hand and reminded them about the meeting to read the
will on Thursday.
   "I am keeping my entire morning open for you," he said to Brenda, "and
then we will lunch.  You will come, too, Ian?" he pointedly asked him.
   "Of course, he is," Brenda said for him, "I want him with me." Ian
nodded quickly and tried not to look guilty, although he still didn't know
what role he played in this conspiracy.
   "Good, good," exclaimed Roger, "I will see you tomorrow, then."
   As he turned to leave, Brenda said, "Uncle Roger, please stop by the
house after the funeral.  I'm having a few people over and I'd really like
for you to come."
   "Of course, my dear, that would please me.  Thank you.  Well, then, I
will see you tomorrow.  Good-bye, my dear."
   As he slowly shuffled away, he looked back at Ian and smiled thinly. 
Ian stared blankly until Brenda introduced the next person to him.  Brenda
continued to be strong throughout the visitation, occasionally dabbing her
eyes, but Ian kept a close eye on her.  The more he watched her, the more
Ian admired her courage and strength.  Although he knew that she was tired,
she didn't let it affect her and greeted person after person with grace.
   When it was over, Brenda chatted with relatives while Ian backed out
quietly and went to the lounge to get some water for himself.  Brenda
noticed his departure immediately, but continued her conversation with her
Aunt Marie.  Several of her aunts and female cousins were bringing food to
the house after the funeral and, of course, staying for the small
gathering. Brenda figured that there would be about thirty people
altogether.  Mentally, she was tallying the amount of plates, utensils,
napkins, cups, and drinks that she would need.  She was satified that they
had enough, but she would check again when they returned home.  Ian
returned a few minutes later with two bottles and gave one to Brenda when
he returned to her side.  She nodded her thanks and slipped her free arm
around his waist.  He was a bit surprised, but he said nothing as he did
the same in kind.  Once it got to be after 9:30, Brenda had had enough and
was ready to go home.  Ian helped her with her jacket and they left with
the others who had stayed behind.
   The drive home was quiet.  Brenda stared out the window throughout, but
reached for Ian's hand for comfort.  Once home, she put her jacket away in
the closet and went upstairs to her room and closed the door.  Ian followed
a few minutes later and went to his room as well.  He hung up his suit coat
and then sat down at the computer.  Oddly, he wasn't tired and was, in
fact, wide awake as he began to explore the internet.  Presently, there was
a tapping at his open door from Brenda.  Ian thought that she had gone to
bed, but she was still dressed, sans shoes, when she came in.
   "Can you unzip me?  I think it's stuck," she said sheepishly.
   "Sure," he said, moving from the desk to her.
   She turned her back to him as he reached for the zipper.  It was indeed
stuck as Ian struggled with it for a few seconds.  After a few moments of
almost desperation, Ian finally worked it free and zipped it down part way,
exposing her toned back and the start of her modest black slip.
   "Thanks," she said as she reached behind her and zipped it down all the
way to the small of her back.  "Boy, I'll be glad to get out of this," she
said as she began to pull her arms out of the sleeves.
   "Uh, Bren..." Ian gulped.
   "What?" she said as she shimmied out of the dress and stepped out of it.
Ian hadn't seen her back and shoulders for a while and he was impressed
with how toned they were.  Ian thought that she looked extremely sexy as
she stared at him waiting for an answer.  She reached down to pick up her
dress, exposing a bit of cleavage in the process.  Ian felt his heart skip
a beat.
   "What?" she asked again when she straightened.  She looked at him close
and saw the expression on his face.  It all came together rather quickly.
"Oh, come on Ian, it's just a slip." Ian started to turn a bit red.  "My
God, Ian, you've seen me in a bikini before.  Do you want me to take the
slip off so you'll feel more comfortable?" She reached down to the hem and
started to pull it up.
   "No, no, the slip is fine," Ian said quickly.  Brenda let go of the hem,
smiling at him.  "You just surprised me a bit, that's all."
   "Well, Ian, don't worry," she laughed, "I'm not going to undress for
you. I didn't think a slip was a big thing.  I'm sorry."
   "No problem.  It just surprised me." Brenda turned to leave.  "Are you
going to bed?" he asked.
   "Yeah, I'm worn out.  You?"
   "I'll stay up for a bit."
   "Okay, well, good-night then." She moved forward and kissed him on the
cheek.  "Thank you for being with me tonight." She stared into his eyes. 
"I'm going to need you even more tomorrow," she said, almost in a whisper.
   "I know."
   She kissed him again and turned and went to her room, closing the door
behind her.
   Ian watched her leave, admonishing himself for making such a big deal
about her being in a slip.  Brenda was right, though, about the bikini. 
She had looked fantastic in it last summer and had turned many heads with
her physique.  Ian really admired the way she looked and complimented her
many times, but it wasn't anything sexual at that time.  He was just happy
to be around her and they had a great time.  Boy, he thought to himself, if
she had actually stripped to her underwear, he probably would have had a
heart attack.  Just seeing a bit of her shoulders and back, he could tell
that she was in even better shape and the thought of seeing her in a bikini
again was almost more than he could stand.
   He went back to the computer and tried to concentrate, but found his
thoughts drifting back to her.  He tried to imagine how she would look in a
bikini now and knew that she would look awesome, like someone in a fitness
magazine.  Once again, he tried to concentrate on the computer and catch up
on his e-mail.  He laughed inside whenever he came to an advertisement that
guaranteed to make his penis larger.  He often wondered how they knew what
his penis size was and why would they think that he was dissatisfied with
it.  "I'm quite satified with it as it is," he said aloud.
   "Satisfied with what?" Brenda asked as she stood by the door in her
flannel night gown.  Ian turned quickly and saw her.
   Ian pondered for a moment, then said, "Why, I don't think you need to
know."
   "Why not?"
   "Because."
   Brenda moved closer and tried to see what was on the computer, but Ian
deleted it quickly.
   "That's not fair," she pouted.
   "Too bad."
   "Oh, come on, tell me.  We've always told each other everything," she
said, batting her eyes.
   "Some things needn't be discussed," he said as he reached to turn off
the computer.  "So, what brings you by?"
   "No fair changing the subject."
   "Damn."
   "So, what are you satisfied with?"
   "You're obsessed with this, aren't you?"
   "Yes, and answer the question, please."
   "Uh oh, the lawyer's coming out."
   "Answer the question, sir!"
   "It's my penis size!" he yelled in mock confession.  "Now, you know. 
Now, everyone knows.  Oh my God." Ian rolled his eyes.  "You got what you
wanted, now leave me alone." Ian waved her away with his hand.
   "It's my house.  I can go where I want," she said, laughing, her arms
crossed in front of her.
   "Details, details..."
   Brenda sat down on the end of the bed and looked around the room.  Ian
moved to the bed and sat down next to her.  "Mom and dad used this as a
special guest room.  They could never decide if it should be masculine or
feminine.  I guess dad won that case," she laughed.
   "Looks like it," Ian replied.
   Brenda picked some lint from her gown and flicked it to the floor.  She
smoothed the cloth where it had puckered.  "So, you're satisfied with your
penis size.  That's comforting."
   "Yeah, well, everyone on the internet seems to be interested in it, that
and my breast size."
   "Your breast size?"
   "I'm still trying to figure that one out."
   "I should hope so."
   "What about you?"
   "About what?"
   "Are you satisfied with it?"
   "Your penis size?  I don't believe we've been introduced."
   Ian's face reddened.  "No, you dope.  Your breast size.  Are you
satisfied with it?"
   Brenda looked down, pulled her neckline away and checked out her
cleavage.  Ian tried to sneak a peek, but was not successful.
   "Hey, no fair!" she exclaimed as she smiled and readjusted her gown.
   "Sorry," he said sarcastically.
   "No, you're not."
   "How true," he admitted.  He waited a few seconds.  "Well?" he finally
asked.
   "Well what?"
   "Are you satisfied?"
   "Satisfied?"
   "With your breast size."
   "Yes, I'm quite satisfied with it," she said.
   "Good, me too," he replied.
   "Oh really.  I didn't know that you were that acquainted with them."
   "Well, we were on the beach quite a bit last summer and they looked
great." He added, "They fit your frame."
   "Ah, well, thanks," she stammered, not really knowing how to take the
compliment.
   "You really do have a great looking body," he insisted.  "And that's not
coming from me as a cousin, either.  You got a lot of looks on the beach."
   "I didn't notice."
   "Well, you did."
   "So, where are they at now?"
   "Gee, I thought I was the only man that you would ever want or need,"
Ian said whimsically.
   "You're silly," Brenda said, laughing.  Oh, I wish I could get my hands
on him, she thought as a shiver went through her.
   "You cold?" he asked.
   "A little," she lied.  "I think I'll head to bed now."
   "Okay," he replied sadly.  He always enjoyed talking to her, no matter
if it was serious or not.  Deep down, he secretly hoped that she would need
him to be with her that night.
   Brenda got up from the bed and went to the door.  Looking back, she
said, "Thanks again."
   "Anything for you.  You know that."
   "I know," she said before she left.
   Brenda found her bed in the dark and climbed in.  As she pulled the
covers up, she heard the wind whistling through the bare tree limbs outside
her window.  Her thoughts were totally on Ian as she tried to get
comfortable.  She was beginning to love everything about him and she was
finding it harder and harder to resist temptation.  She knew it was wrong
to have such thoughts, but being rational wasn't on her mind too much.  The
only thing that she wished was that she could find someone like him to love
so that she wouldn't feel so guilty about it.  But, she knew that was
impossible.  How could she find someone that perfect for her?  At times,
she felt that if she couldn't have Ian, then she needn't ever get married.
   She flipped onto her stomach to try to get to sleep, but her mind was
still too active for that to happen.  Although she was exhausted, her eyes
were wide open watching the droplets of rain cascading down the window next
to her bed.  Deciding to fight it no longer, Brenda threw off the covers
and got out of bed.  Taking two steps toward the door, she stopped.  "What
am I doing?" she whispered to herself.  Brenda began to debate with herself
on whether to go or stay.  Eventually, her brain won out over her heart and
she turned around and sat down in front of the window, the tears on her
face matching the rain on the glass.
   Wednesday March 17th
   The morning sun was radiant as it blazed through Ian's window that
morning.  He rose groggily and shut off the annoying buzzing from the
alarm. It was a few minutes after seven.  They had to be at the funeral
home by nine and the the church at ten.  Ian stretched and yawned as he
shuffled to his bathroom to urinate.  Once he was finished, he went across
the hall to Brenda's room to check on her.  When he got there, he could see
that she was still sleeping.  Ian tapped lightly on the door to announce
his presence.  Brenda stirred a bit before she rolled onto her back and
squinted at him.  She looked at her alarm clock and saw the time.
   "Shit!" she hissed as she threw off the covers and scooted off the bed.
"I wanted to be up a half hour ago!" She grabbed her bathrobe and pulled it
on as she breezed past him, blowing him a kiss as she hurried down the hall
to the bathroom.
   Ian was the first one down and dressed, so he went to the kitchen and
started a pot of coffee.  He wasn't much of a coffee drinker, but Brenda
was.  He filled the toaster with bread and got the butter and jelly from
the refrigerator, along with the orange juice.  He wasn't much of a cook,
but he did know how to scramble eggs, so he went back to the fridge, found
four eggs, and began to prepare them.
   As Brenda was applying the last of her makeup, her nose was tickled by
the aroma of coffee and food from the kitchen.  When she finished, Brenda
went down and saw two plates of food on the table with Ian cleaning the
skillet at the sink.
   "There's hope for you yet," she said as she entered.
   Ian looked behind him, saw his cousin, and did a double take.  She was
dressed in a simple dark blue dress with pearls and matching earrings, but
in Ian's eyes, she looked beautiful.  She sat down and began to eat her
breakfast and Ian joined her minutes later.  Brenda really wasn't very
hungry, but she didn't want to hurt Ian's feelings after the work that he
had done.  After they finished, they put the dirty dishes in the washer and
cleared the table.  It was almost 8:15 and she wanted to leave soon.
   Ian helped her into a white jacket and then put on his own suit coat. 
Before they left, Brenda said, "I'd like to use my dad's car today, if you
don't mind."
   "Okay," he replied.  Brenda handed him her keys and showed him the
correct one.  They went to the garage and Ian saw Brenda's Honda on the
left and her dad's Cadillac on the right.  The space in the middle was
empty, the space where her mom's car should have been.  He opened the
passenger door for Brenda and let her in and then went around to the
driver's side and got in.  The car was much bigger than what he was used
to, so he knew that he would have to be careful.  Brenda found the remote
for the garage door and pressed the switch.  Ian backed out slowly, and
soon, they were on their way.
   Brenda couldn't believe what a glorious day that it had turned out to
be. The sun was so bright that he almost needed sunglasses and it was
already starting to get warmer.  She was glad that it was a beautiful day;
it would have been worse if it had been rainy and gloomy.  Her parents
deserved to have a day like this and she felt better because of it.
   When they arrived at the funeral home, no one else had yet arrived.  Ian
helped her out of the car and walked her to the door.  Mr.  Morris met them
and took them to the viewing parlor and left them alone.  Holding Ian's
hand, Brenda slowly made her way to the coffins.  The finality of it all
was starting to overwhelm her, but she had made a promise to herself that
she would not break down.  But now, she wasn't sure that she could keep
that promise.  Gripping Ian's hand tightly, she stopped in front of her
mother's coffin and gazed at her face.  Brenda looked at her long and hard,
taking in every feature, every fiber of her being.  She never wanted to
forget anything about her mom, no matter how small.  After a few minutes,
they moved over to her father and began the same ritual.  Her chin quivered
slightly when she touched his hand, but she smiled instead of shedding more
tears.  Ian kept his eye on her throughout, offering his support just by
being beside her.  He really didn't know what to do besides hold her hand.
Brenda was silent the entire time and showed no emotion except for smiling
now and then.  Her entire focus was on her parents and no one else was in
her world, even Ian.  It was as if she had put herself in a trance, but she
was keenly aware of her surroundings.
   Mr.  Morris came in quietly to let them know that it was almost nine
o'clock.  Brenda thanked him and he left just as quietly.  When they turned
away from the coffins, Brenda's eyes were misty, but she was still
composed. They sat down on the sofa across the room from the coffins and
waited for the doors to be opened.  They didn't stand by the coffins when
family and friends filed in for the service, but met everyone at the sofa.
Ian noticed that Brenda appeared more relaxed and in control of herself
that morning and he hoped that it would last.  He recognized almost
everyone from the previous evening, but there were a few new faces.  Brenda
introduced him to everyone once again, whether they had met before or not.
Through arrangements made by Roger, a funeral detachment from Fort Knox
would be there to serve as pall bearers for her father, who was a Vietnam
War veteran.  Several uncles and cousins would serve in the same capacity
for her mother.
   Once it became 9:25, Mr.  Morris came in and led everyone in prayers for
Alice and Harry.  When the prayer service ended, he and his staff escorted
everyone out of the parlor except for Brenda and Ian.  After everyone was
gone, Morris closed the doors and allowed Brenda one final good-bye.  They
knelt at her father's coffin first, her arm linked through his, her head on
his shoulder.  She bit her lip to keep from crying, but was unsuccessful as
the tears erupted.  She didn't bother to fight it, it was no use.  Ian held
her close and whispered encouragement to her.  Brenda nodded periodically
at the things he said.  After a few minutes, they got up to move to Alice's
coffin.  Brenda kissed her father one last time, not even noticing the
coldness.  Brenda was more composed with her mother and she couldn't
understand why.  She had no preference of one parent over the other; she
loved them equally and dearly.  Perhaps it was because she was able to say
good-bye to her mother in the hospital and not her father.  She didn't stay
as long with her mother and she didn't cry.  They left the room slowly and
didn't look back.  When they were out of sight, the coffins were closed
forever.
   After Ian and Brenda were seated in the limousine, six crisply dressed
army personnel slowly marched in cadence to Harry's coffin where they
draped an American flag over it.  They picked up the coffin and slowly
placed it in the first hearse.  Six of Brenda's uncles and cousins followed
behind with Alice's coffin and placed it in a second hearse.  Ian, who had
been hiding his emotions well up to that point, began to get choked up.  He
shifted his position, cleared his throat, and tried to regain control.
   Shortly thereafter, the procession began.  Although it was a short
distance from the funeral home to the church, it took much longer because
of the long line of cars.  They passed a VFW hall along the way where about
four or five members stood outside.  Seeing the flag-draped coffin pass
slowly by, they snapped to attention and saluted in unison.  The funeral
detachment, in an SUV behind Brenda and Ian, returned the salute as they
passed.
   When they arrived at the church, the lot was quite full already.  The
long, slow, mournful tone of a single bell tolled every few seconds.  The
coffins were removed from the hearses, Harry's first, and were brought to
the entrance of the church where they were placed on a gold-plated gurney.
Brenda, Ian, and everyone else followed where they were greeted by Father
Paul.  He said an opening prayer and placed a white funeral cloth over the
coffins and blessed them with holy water.  He then led the coffins up the
aisle as a hymn was being sung by the church choir.  Brenda and Ian were
seated in the first pew to the left of Harry's coffin with Alice's behind
him.  The funeral was lovely, if you can say that about one.  Father Paul
spoke of them lovingly and mixed in just the right amount of humor.  He
even had Brenda smiling.  He put their deaths in such a positive light,
that Brenda felt at peace.
   The ride to the cemetery was long and Ian thought it took forever.  They
held hands throughout the ride, but spoke little.  Brenda remarked several
times about how beautiful the service was and Ian agreed wholeheartedly. 
When they arrived at the cemetery, the soldiers slowly walked Harry's
coffin to the plot.  Alice's coffin followed and was placed next to her
husband.  Partially hidden by a green tarp was the headstone and grave of
Ryan, whom Brenda had visited only a handful of times since his death. 
When everyone had settled, Father Paul said prayers for the souls of Harry
and Alice.  When he finished, the soldiers moved and stood around Harry's
coffin, three on each side.  They then began the slow, respectful ritual of
folding the American flag into a triangle.  Out of nowhere, a trumpeteer
began a beautiful rendition of "Taps".  There was not a dry eye anywhere,
including Ian, when he finished.  When the flag was folded, it was brought
to Brenda.
   As all of the officers slowly raised their hands in salute to Brenda,
the commander said, "The President of the United States and the United
States Army wish for me to present this flag to you for your father, who
served his country so well.  My deepest condolences to you, ma'am." He
extended the flag to Brenda.
   Tears falling freely, Brenda accepted the flag and held it to her chest.
"Thank you," she somehow managed to say.
   The service was over and many people approached Brenda to talk.  Ian
went to each coffin and plucked a white rose from the arrangements.  After
fifteen minutes or so, the crowd had dwindled dramatically.  Brenda had
given an extra house key to her Aunt Marie so they could start bringing the
food to the house for the gathering.  Mr.  Morris waited patiently for
Brenda and Ian to take them back to the funeral home.
   Clutching the flag to her, Brenda graciously thanked each officer
individually for making the service more meaningful to her.  After almost
everyone had left, Ian gave her the flowers.
   "How beautiful, thank you," she said.  She looked up at the crystal blue
sky and smiled.  "It's such a beautiful day.  Mom and dad would have wanted
to take the day off and go golfing.  I guess they can do that all the time
now."
   "I guess so," Ian agreed.
   Brenda looked down and saw Ryan's headstone.  She bent down and moved
the tarp to expose it completely.  She touched it briefly and sighed. 
Looking back at Ian, she placed the two flowers that he had given her at
the base.  She said a quick prayer before she nodded to Ian, and then they
began to walk back to the limo.
   The gathering at Brenda's house was pleasant, in spite of the fact that
Ian knew virtually no one.  He found a comrade in Brenda's Uncle Russell,
who was a veterinarian.  They talked about his practice and how things had
changed in veterinary medicine over the past thirty years.  He spoke of the
long hours, the difficult cases, and the humerous moments.  The more they
talked, the more Ian was positive that he had made the right career choice.
Mr.  Rigsby also entertained everyone with stories about Harry and Alice.
Brenda stayed mostly in the kitchen with her aunts and female cousins. 
Occasionally, she would look for Ian, mostly to reassure herself, and
usually found him in conversation with someone.
   As it approached late afternoon, the guests began to leave and by six
o'clock, the last guest had departed and they were alone once more.  Her
aunts and cousins had cleaned up in the kitchen before they left, the
living room and dining room had plates and cups scattered about.  Brenda
got a trash bag from the kitchen and together, they cleaned the rooms. 
Once the trash was picked up, Brenda got out the vacuum cleaner and handed
it to Ian.
   "I've seen that you're pretty handy with this."
   "Yeah, well, looks can be deceiving," he answered, smiling.
   They finished the vacuuming and the rest of the cleaning quickly and
when they had put everything away, it was still early evening.  Brenda
plopped down on the sofa and exhaled loudly, blowing her short bangs in the
process.  Ian sat down next to her and loosened his tie and unbuttoned the
top button of his shirt.  They were both more mentally tired than
physically, but neither wanted to move.
   After a few minutes of silence, Brenda sat up and announced, "Well, I'm
going to take a long, hot bath." She suddenly felt a lot older than her
twenty-two years.
   "Want some company?" Ian asked, but not very convincingly.
   "Now, now," Brenda said, wagging her index finger at him, "as much fun
as I'm sure you'd have, remember the cousin thing."
   "Damn, that keeps slipping my mind," he said.
   "I wonder why?" she replied, "But, there is something you can do for
me."
   "And that would be?"
   "You could unzip me.  My neck's a bit stiff; too much tension, I guess."
She moved her head in a circle to try to relieve it.
   Ian reached for the zipper, but thought better of it and placed both
hands on the slope of her neck where it joined the shoulder and began
massaging and kneading the area.
   "Oh Ian," she murmured, dreamlike, "I'm going to have to keep you around
for a long time!" Ian merely chuckled and continued the massage.  He
pressed his thumbs firmly into the trapezius muscle lining her neck and
moved to different spots.  Soon, the tension in her neck began to loosen
and the headache that was trying to start went away quickly.  "Ian, you are
too good," she said as she moved her head from side to side, testing it. 
"Don't you dare stop!" she said as he relaxed his grip to rest his thumbs.
A few minutes later, he did stop when his hands hurt too much to continue.
   "Is that all," she pouted, but then smiled.
   "That's all my hands can stand," he said, flexing his fingers, "but I
can do something else."
   "Like what?"
   Without answering, he started at the base of her neck and began to
scratch her lightly with his short, neatly trimmed nails.  He went from
side to side a few inches at a time.
   "Oh my God, Ian, that feels fantastic," she said as she moved her back
left and right.  He moved down a few inches at a time, moving his fingers
over the material of her dress.  "Wait!" she said suddenly, as Ian stopped.
"Unzip me.  It'll feel better." Dutifully, Ian pulled the zipper down and
was pleasantly surprised to see that she wasn't wearing a slip this time,
only her bra strap was showing over her well-defined back.  After he got
over his initial shock, he began to cover her entire back with his nails.
"Hmm," she kept murmuring, tossing her head back and forth, thoroughly
enjoying his touch.  Every once in a while, he got brave and moved his
fingers inside her dress towards her rib area, where she would jump
slightly from being ticklish, but she didn't stop him.  He thought about
going past her zipper to the beginning of her half slip and underwear, but
resisted the urge.  He made his way back to her shoulders and started the
process all over again.  Once he had finished the second round, he stopped
and zipped the dress halfway up, so she could reach it, patting her back
once it was done.
   "I think I'm in Heaven," she sighed.  "Where did you learn to do that?
That was absolutely wonderful!"
   "Oh, here and there, I guess.  I don't really remember," he lied. 
Actually, an ex-girlfriend had done the same to him and had taught him a
few techniques about massage, but he didn't want to discuss ex-girlfriends
at that time.  The back scratch was his own specialty and the few girls
that he tried it on seemed to love it.
   "Well," she said as she rose unsteadily from the sofa, "a bath is
calling me and no, you can't come." She smiled at him.  "Even though I'd
like it very much." Brenda walked slowly to the stairs, almost wishing that
Ian would ignore her statement and follow her up.  Every fiber in her body
wanted to make love to him at that moment, but he remained on the couch, a
silly grin plastered on his face.  Brenda glanced back his way once again
before she ascended the stairs to her room.
   Ian looked down and cleared his throat.  He wasn't sure how to take
Brenda anymore.  He couldn't tell where the fun and games ended and the
seriousness began.  Maybe they were heading towards a point of no return,
but he had always thought that they would be able to resist that final
temptation.  Now, he wasn't sure.  He had really hoped that she would
invite him upstairs to her bath and he sensed that she wanted to, but it
didn't happen.  Common sense told him that he should leave before they
screwed things up, but would that solve anything?  Ian thought not.  He
felt that if they separated, it would bring them faster to the point that
which they were trying to avoid.  And now, he was entirely sure that he was
in love with her, because now, he knew that he couldn't bear to be away
from her.
   Brenda eased herself into the soapy, steaming bath water, waiting for
her body to get used to the warmth.  The tingling between her legs had not
stopped since Ian had begun to drag his nails across her back.  A sensation
like none other had attacked her body, almost as if he had found that
special sweet spot that no man had yet to touch.  She had hoped that she
hadn't made it too obvious as to how aroused she had become.  She wanted
Ian now, not as a cousin, but as a man, and she was not ashamed to admit
it. She knew that she was getting dangerously close to losing control of
the situation and it scared her.  She wasn't afraid of losing her virginity
to Ian, she was more than willing to let him be her first.  No, she was
more afraid of losing him after the fact, and she knew she couldn't let
that happen.
   With her thoughts totally on him, she began playing with right nipple as
her right hand slid down and found her hood-shrouded nub.  A shiver went
through her as she toyed with herself, alternating rubbing and pinching. 
Her breathing quickened as her nipple became harder and started to
protrude. She opened her legs wider and imagined herself getting ready for
Ian, her hand moving faster over her clitoris at the thought of him
entering her, making them one.  Shiver after shiver went through her,
telling her that she was getting close.  Rubbing herself harder, she didn't
care if Ian heard the splashing, he was missing a great show.  She gritted
her teeth as the orgasm came hard and fast, surprised by the intensity.  It
came in wave after wave and she rode them unashamed at the thought of who
provoked them.  She suppressed a groan of pleasure as she bit down on her
lower lip.  The waves started to ease as she opened her legs, her thighs
letting go of her hand that was still lazily massaging her clitoris.  She
relished the afterglow and the acute sensitivity of her clit as she
alternated stimulating each nipple, shivers still going through her.
   By the time she finished her bath, the water had turned tepid and she
was ready to get out.  Brenda toweled off before she got cold and tossed on
a clean night gown and put on a robe and slippers.  After she drained and
rinsed the tub, she left the bathroom and went downstairs.  Ian was
engrossed in a book about the civil war and Brenda sat down next to him.
   "Feel better?" he asked without looking up.
   "Much," she replied with a smile on her face.
   "I'll probably shower up before I go to bed."
   Brenda smiled at the thought of Ian taking a shower, but she pushed it
away.  She studied her cousin closely.  His blond hair was turning darker
over the years and she could imagine it becoming light brown eventually. 
She admired his intensity as he read the book, his green eyes pouring over
the pages.  She hadn't known that he liked civil war history.  Ian glanced
her way as he felt her gaze.
   "What?" he asked curiously.
   "Oh nothing," she said, "I was just thinking."
   "That's scary."
   "Smartass!" she said as she slapped his shoulder softly.  Ian laughed
and put the book aside.
   "So, what's up?"
   "Well," she began, "I was just wondering if I've thanked you enough for
everything you've done for me these past few days."
   Ian thought for a few seconds.  "You know there's no need to thank me.
You would have done the same for me.  That's what best friends are for."
   Brenda scooted closer to Ian and tucked her legs underneath her.  Ian
could smell the soap from her freshly cleansed skin and inhaled deeply,
taking in it's fresh, wonderful scent.  He closed his eyes for a moment,
relishing the aroma.  When he opened them, Brenda was staring at him
intensely.  It was unnerving and he didn't know what to say or do.
   "I love you," she said simply, breaking the silence.
   "I love you, too," he replied.
   "No, I mean I LOVE you, Ian."
   Ian blanched for a second, although her statement certainly didn't
surprise him.  "I know what you meant, Brenda," he said as he touched her
hand, his eyes not leaving her face.
   "I'm beginning to need you more than cousins are supposed to."
   "I know," he said, looking away from her and down to their hands.  "I
think maybe I shouldn't stay much longer.  Things are happening too fast
and I don't think we're able to make rational decisions right now." He
looked away from her again.
   "On the contrary, I think I'm being very rational right now.  If I
wasn't, we wouldn't still be virgins.  I'm not saying let's hop into bed
and get naked, I was just stating a fact and I wanted to discuss it."
   "I just think that your emotions are messed up right now and we should
wait a few days until things settle down," Ian explained.
   "These feelings will not be different in a few days or a few months,
Ian. Your leaving will not solve this.  We need to talk about it."
   "I can't stay forever."
   "Why not?"
   "Oh come on, Brenda, be reasonable.  Remember the cousin thing?  My
parents would kill me and possibly disinherit me.  No, they'd castrate me,
kill me, then disinherit me."
   "Don't make fun," she said sadly.
   "What do you want?  Do you want to live like cousins or lovers?  It has
to be one way or the other because I don't think we could pull off living
like lovers and acting like cousins outside these walls.  Would I want to
be your lover?  More than anything in the world." Brenda raised her
eyebrows.  "But, how could we do it without hurting everyone in the
process? Do I want to leave?  No way.  Brenda, every instinct, every part
of me wants to take you to bed and love you like a lover should, but there
could be no turning back for us after that."
   Brenda thought long and hard before she said anything, choosing her
words carefully.  "I just want you to stay, that's all.  If we can't be
lovers, then we'll be cousins only."
   "Can we be only cousins?"
   "If that's the only way to keep you around, yes, I can accept that.  If
we can be the way we were before, I can live with that.  You are all I have
left and I can't bear to let you go right now." Tears were starting to
creep into the corners of her eyes.
   "I don't think my parents would have too much of a problem if I stayed
until classes started, but beyond that, I think they'd draw the line."
   "Okay," she relented, "we'll do that.  Maybe they'll surprise us and be
okay with it."
   "I seriously doubt it."
   "You never know."
   "We'll see," he said, but he still had his doubts.  Ian wondered if he
really should stay.  He could feel them spiraling towards something that
was unstoppable and he was torn as to whether to let it happen or keep
fighting it.  He was afraid that it was a losing battle on both of their
parts.  Of course, he wanted to make love to Brenda.  At this point, if she
would ask him to go to bed with her and make love, he would do it.  Would
he regret it?  He hoped not.
   Ian reached for the book and tried to start reading where he had left
off.  Brenda took this as a dismissal and left the sofa in a huff.  She
walked quickly to the stairs without looking back.  As she climbed the
stairs, the tears began to flow.  For the first time in a long while, she
was angry with her beloved cousin and she didn't want to be.  She didn't
want to mad at anyone that day, not when she had just buried her parents
hours earlier.  She didn't know what set her off.  Was it stress?  Was it
because he didn't offer to jump her bones?  Hormones?  She didn't know as
she hurried to her room and shut the door behind her.  Brenda threw herself
on her bed and cried herself into an uneasy sleep.
   Thursday March 18th
   When she woke, her night lamp was still burning bright, causing long
shadows on her bedroom walls.  Her alarm clock read 3:07 and she hadn't set
it when she fell asleep.  She had to urinate in the worst way, so she went
to the bathroom and emptied her very full bladder.  Brenda remembered being
angry at Ian and chastised herself for being stupid and petty.  She knew
that her emotions were playing games with her, taking her on a roller
coaster ride that she wished would end.
   Finishing up, she made a mental note to apologize to Ian, but knowing
him, she thought, he wouldn't have noticed that she was upset with him in
the first place.  She was actually surprised that she hadn't snapped
earlier.  After she washed her hands, she looked in his room, but didn't
see him there.  Puzzled, she went down stairs to the living room and found
him curled up on the sofa where she left him.  The book had been carefully
placed on the coffee table and he had taken off his shoes.  While walking
to him, Brenda debated as to wake him or let him sleep.  She didn't have
anything to cover him with, so she decided to wake him.  She knelt down
between the sofa and the coffee table and leaned close to his ear.  She
blew air into it and watched him twitch slightly.  She tried it once more
and Ian stirred, raising his right hand to scratch his ear.  He opened one
eye to see two big, brown ones staring back at him.
   "Go away," he mumbled as he closed the eye.
   "Time to go to bed," she whispered in his ear.
   "I am in bed," he replied.
   "Not the one I want you in."
   Both eyes opened.  "Bren..."
   "Just to sleep, dear, just to sleep.  I need you next to me, if only for
a few hours," she said, noting the time.
   "Okay," he said as he swung his legs to the floor.  He got up, picked up
his shoes, and walked with her upstairs.
   When they reached his room, she said, "Come over when you've changed."
Ian nodded and went to his room, closing the door behind him.  After he
changed and hung up his clothes, he used the toilet and brushed his teeth.
   When he was done, he went to Brenda's room, where the door was open. 
The lights were out, but the nightlight gave him enough vision to find
Brenda already in bed.  He climbed in next to her and settled under the
covers.  Once he was there, Brenda propped herself on her right elbow and
looked at him, smiling.
   Ian looked at her and smiled back.  "What are you thinking about?"
   "Well," she said, a bit hesitantly, "there's something I've been wanting
to do for a long time." Ian's eyes widened.  "It's not sex, Ian, calm
down," she said, laughing.  "No, it's something much simpler."
   She moved closer to him until they were almost nose to nose.  Ian could
see that she was still in her robe and nightgown, so he relaxed a bit.  She
lingered above him for a few seconds and almost backed off.  Before she
lost her nerve, she moved forward, tilted her head, and kissed him softly
on the lips.  It lasted but a second or two before Brenda broke away.  They
stared at each other, taking in the experience and wondering what the other
was thinking.
   Softly, she said, "No matter what happens, I will never regret that."
   "Neither will I.  I really do love you, Bren."
   "I love you, too, Ian."
   They drifted to sleep, holding each other with Brenda's head on his
chest.
   "Have a seat, my dear," Roger said to Brenda, indicating the two chairs
in front of his desk.  "You too, Ian," he added.  It was a little after
eight-thirty and Brenda and Ian both had a steaming cup of coffee in their
hands.
   "Well, let us get started." Roger pulled out a stack of papers from a
folder.  "I have taken the liberty of securing your father's portfolio and
other investments for you and you may keep them for your disposal.  I will
not read the will in it's entirety to you at this time, Brenda.  I will
give you a copy of it and you may read it at your leisure.  I am sure that
there will be many things to discuss, things that will need to be
clarified. I am at your service and I will explain everything in the utmost
detail.
   "Your parents were very wise with their finances, and young lady, you
will benefit greatly because of it.  Except for a few odds and ends that
are spelled out specifically, you are the sole beneficiary of your parents'
estate.  The will has been revised periodically over the years and the last
revision is dated October 24th of last year.
   "You are to receive the house and all of the property and furnishings,
along with the automobiles, your father's Cadillac and the Honda.  All
cash, stocks, bonds, and treasury notes will immediately be passed to you.
According to the last bank statement dated March 1st, your parents'
individual checking and savings total approximately $517,000.  The house
was mortgaged, but will be paid off with their insurance."
   Roger pulled out the portfolio.  "Now, according to the figures in front
of me dated March 1st, your parents' stocks, bonds, mutual funds, and
treasury notes are worth $738,214."
   "Oh my God," gasped Brenda, her hand flying to her mouth.  She looked at
Ian, who had a very surprised look on his face as well.
   "Also," Roger continued, "they had life insurance policies through the
National Life Insurance Company for $500,000 each." Brenda could only look
at him in disbelief.
   "One last thing," Roger said, "when Ryan and you were born, your parents
put $50,000 into a trust fund to be given to you upon your graduation from
college.  Your parents never gave Ryan the money because of his problems.
They felt that he would not be responsible enough to handle that type of
money, so they put it aside until they thought he would be mature enough.
Unfortunately, he died before it was given to him.  They merged his account
with yours after his death.  Throughout the years, they added cash to the
sum and it has gained interest.  Because of your parents' death, a clause
in the trust fund automatically transfers the trust to you before your
graduation.  The bank statement dated March 1st gives the total of
$675,394."
   Brenda slumped in her chair.  "I had no idea.  They never told me."
   "They wanted it to be a surprise for you when you graduated, my dear. 
All told, your assets are worth over $3 million."
   "I guess I can keep the house," she said softly.
   "What, my dear?  I did not hear."
   "Oh, I was trying to figure out how to go to graduate school without
selling the house.  I guess that's a moot point now."
   "Yes, yes it is," said Roger.  "Of course, you realize that it will take
time for everything to be transferred to you, plus you will have to pay
taxes and the like.  I am no tax expert, so I will set you up with my tax
accountant, who will steer you through everything.  Also, I am sure that
you will want to continue working with your father's brokerage firm.  They
have done an excellent job with his investments and I use them myself. 
Until everything is finalized, I will take care of expenses and give you an
allowance.  We will discuss that amount later.
   "I caution you, Brenda, even though you are studying finance and will
soon graduate, you are receiving a great amount of assets.  Be careful and
be cautious.  I know I need not say this, but do not squander it and invest
wisely.  Put money away for your own children as your parents have done for
you."
   Brenda said, "I would never dishonor them by messing up.  I'll probably
stay the same path once I've gone over the financial reports myself.  I
just can't believe that they had that much.  They never let on, never acted
like millionaires.  I never knew." She looked at Ian, who had a dumbfounded
look on his face and hadn't said a word since the reading began.  "You look
like you're the one with the money, Ian," she said.
   "It's just amazing," he replied.  "I'm so happy for you."
   "Thanks," she said.  "My parents were the greatest.  I certainly didn't
have them long enough." Brenda took a kleenex from Roger's desk and wiped
her eyes.
   "My dear," Roger said softly, almost painfully, "there is one last bit
of business that must be addressed." He glanced quickly at Ian.
   "Okay, Uncle Roger," she replied.  Ian sat up straight in his chair,
guessing that this was what Roger had previously talked to him about.
   Roger pulled out a manilla envelope from his briefcase and handed it to
her.  The top had been opened and Brenda could see papers inside.
   "I was not allowed to see the contents unless your parents gave me
permission or upon their death.  I first saw the contents a few hours after
you told me of your parents' death," he explained.
   Puzzled by his speech, Brenda took out the contents.  The first paper
she saw was a birth certifcate from a Kansas hospital.  Her name was on it,
but with a different last name.  It said "Brenda Gruner" with her same
birth date.  Under the father's name, it said "Unknown" and under the
mother's name, it said "Lou Ann Gruner".
   "I don't understand," Brenda said, "what is this?"
   "Keep looking, my dear."
   Brenda shook her head back and forth and looked at the next piece of
paper as Ian leaned over to see.  It was from the State of Kansas
Department of Children's Services.  It had the name of Brenda Gruner listed
as being transferred into the custody of Harold and Alice Barringer a few
weeks after her birth.
   "What is this?" Brenda asked, totally confused.
   "Those are adoption papers, my dear," he replied softly.
   Brenda looked at him in disbelief.  She looked at Ian and then quickly
back to Roger.  "Adoption papers?  I was adopted?"
   "Yes, my dear."
   She immediately burst into tears as the realization hit her.  The
confusion was overwhelming to her.  The parents she had always known were
not her parents afterall.  Her family was no longer hers.  She was this
Brenda Gruner person who was changed to Brenda Barringer with the stroke of
a pen.  Who was she now?  Her mother was a Lou Ann and her father was
unknown.  She was a bastard to boot!  Ian moved to her side and tried to
put his arms around her.  She shrugged him off angrily.
   "Don't touch me!  You knew, damn it, you knew and didn't tell me!  Get
away from me!" she hissed through tears.  Ian's eyes opened wide and tried
to speak, but could only shake his head.
   "Brenda!" Roger said sharply.  "Ian knew nothing of this.  If you want
to be angry with someone, blame me.  I thought it best to wait until after
their funerals to tell you."
   This only made her cry harder.  Ian tried once more to hold her, and
this time, she let him.  She calmed down after a few minutes, wiping her
eyes and blowing her nose.  She looked at Ian and said, "I'm sorry." Ian
nodded his acceptance.
   She turned back to Roger and asked, "Why didn't they tell me?  Who else
knows?"
   "As far as I can guess, no one else knows about it.  They kept it a
closely guarded secret.  I swear I did not know until Saturday after you
called me."
   "But why?  Why didn't they tell me?  They should have told me a long
time ago!  Why didn't they?" she cried.
   "I do not know," he said, eyeing the envelope in Brenda's hand.  "There
is more in there."
   Brenda pulled out the last piece, a long, white sealed envelope with her
name on it written in her mother's script.  Roger handed her a letter
opener and she swiftly cut the envelope and pulled out a two page letter in
her mother's handwriting.  Brenda gave the letter opener back to Roger as
she began reading.
   "Our dearest Brenda, You are reading this because we are longer on this
earth to love you and tell you something that was too difficult to tell you
when we were living.
   When Ryan was born, we desperately wanted another child for him as a
playmate.  Several years went by without success.  Both your father and I
were checked and it was found that I was unable to conceive.  After our
initial shock passed, we applied to the state for adoption.  After several
more years of waiting, we were able to adopt you.  Our prayers were
answered when they put you in our arms and let us take you home.
   We wish that we could give you a good reason as to why we never told you
about your adoption.  There is no good reason and we are ashamed to admit
it.  The only explanation that we can give you is this: Both of our
families pressured us after Ryan was born to have a another child.  We
tired of the constant questioning and decided that adoption was the best
route.  We were in Kansas and everyone else was in Ohio, so we figured that
it would work.  When we moved back to Ohio, we told everyone that we wanted
to surprise them and no one questioned us.  I don't know why we couldn't
admit to them that we were unable to have any more children and we can
offer no excuses.
   I'm sure that you have questions about your birth mother and father.  We
were only told that she was young, unmarried, and had no family. 
Unfortunately, she died a few days after your birth from complications.  As
for your father, there was no information about him.
   Brenda, please know that we love you with all of our hearts, our souls,
and our minds.  We never meant to cause you any pain.  We always meant to
tell you, but we could never figure out the right time and we are so sorry
for that.
   Please find it in your heart to forgive us for our weakness.  You are
the shining star in our eyes and sometimes, we feel that you deserved
better.  Even though we are gone, know that we will watch over you.  That
is our promise to you.  We wish every happiness in the world for you and we
know that you will be successful in any endeavor that you undertake.
   Your father and I wish you nothing but love for all eternity.
   Love, Mom and Dad"
   Tears were rolling down Brenda's face as she finished the letter.  She
carefully placed it back in the envelope and placed everything back in the
manilla one.
   "I'm really sorry, Brenda," Ian said as he reached for her hand.  "I
swear I didn't know."
   Brenda took his hand and put it to her lips and kissed it.  "I know you
didn't.  I'm sorry for snapping at you."
   Still holding Ian's hand, she looked at Roger.  "They still should have
told me, no matter what the family thought.  I find it hard to believe that
they could have kept it a secret for all these years.  Surely, someone else
knows."
   "I do not think so, my dear," Roger said.  "Ryan would have been the
only one, and he was probably too young to understand."
   "This is just too much to take right now," she said after she blew her
nose.  "My God, what more can happen?"
   "I can assure you that I have no more surprises, Brenda.  You will need
to look over the will more closely to get the things ready to be
distributed to your parents' friends and family.  Most of the things appear
to be family heirlooms and things of that nature."
   "I'll probably start on that next week," she replied.  "It shouldn't be
too hard." She went into her purse and pulled out the bills that had
accumulated over the past week.  She passed them to Roger saying, "Here are
the bills you wanted."
   After she handed them over she asked, "Uncle Roger, did mom and dad have
a joint account?  I found separate checking and savings accounts, but no
joint account.  I found it odd and I wanted to ask you about it."
   "I know nothing about a joint account.  I believe they always had
separate accounts, but according to all of the information that your father
and mother gave me concerning their accounts, they did not have a joint
account.  I have no idea why they did not have a joint account and I never
asked."
   "Well, that's one mystery solved.  Now, I just have to figure out who I
am now." Brenda wiped her eyes once more.
   Roger addressed her sternly.  "Young lady, you are no different now than
when you arrived in this office.  Yes, you have found out that you were
adopted shortly after your birth by the only parents that you ever knew,
but realize that you have had a wonderful life so far, and because of them,
you are who you are today.
   "Without them, perhaps you would not be in the same position as you are
now.  Maybe you would not have been able to go to college as you are now.
You never would have had all of the loving family and friends that you
enjoy today.
   "You cannot live in the past and think about what might hve been.  You
must stay in the present and live your life to the fullest as your parents
did."
   Brenda looked down, ashamed of herself for being so selfish, yet
thinking about her new discovery.  She couldn't help but feel angry and
confused.  She could always go to her parents and tell them anything that
was bothering her.  Why couldn't they tell her about her adoption?  Brenda
didn't think that she'd ever be able to understand.
   "It's just going to take some time for me to get used to it, I guess,"
she said.
   "Of course, my dear, of course," Roger replied.  "We have got a few more
things to talk about before we lunch, so let us get it out of the way."
   They talked about her immediate future and her plans after graduation.
Brenda told him of her plans to get her MBA, but she wasn't sure about what
she wanted to specialize in.  She was leaning towards banking, but she was
interested in stocks and securities as well.  Ian listened for a while, but
soon found himself drifting away from the conversation.  He wondered what
Brenda was thinking and how she was really handling the news.  She would
definitely put up a brave front, he knew that, but he didn't know how much
more she could take.  The money situation was certainly a surprise; neither
one had expected that, but that didn't begin to compensate her for her
loss. No amount could.
   He wondered if Brenda realized that they were not blood cousins with the
adoption revelation and he wondered where it would lead.  While he was very
sorry for his aunt and uncle's passing, he knew that it could be a turning
point in both of their lives, a point where their intertwining lives could
be affected forever.  If they could withstand the resistance from family
and friends, he knew that their relationship could be limitless.  The idea
of dating her for real and living with her excited him, although he knew
that it could be a long process.  He was willing to wait.  He certainly
didn't want to rush her into something that she wasn't ready for.  A girl
so special and so perfect for him didn't come around every day and he
wasn't about to scare her off.  He desperately hoped that she felt the same
way.
   When he came back to the present, Roger and Brenda were discussing her
finances and her allowance.  Roger decided to advance her $1000 and she
would receive $500 per week until the estate was settled.  Brenda protested
that she didn't need that much, but that was the figure that was settled
upon.  Her last semester was already paid because she was on academic
scholarship, but she would have book expenses and other miscellaneous items
to take care of.  Her grocery bills would be small, but could grow should
Ian stay permanently at the house.  She would have to work on that with
Ian, she thought.  Quick calculations told her that they could easily live
off of the interest from all of the assets that she would eventually
receive.  In her heart, she knew that she wouldn't have to work ever again
if she chose to do that, but she could never do it.  She had too much
energy and brains to waste her life, and she wanted to honor her parents by
making a success of herself.  Brenda decided then and there that she would
put herself on a strict budget and stick to it.  Once she was out of
graduate school and working full-time, she would be able to adjust it.
   She was still numb from the news of her adoption, but she knew that it
was temporary.  The tears, anger, and frustration would return and she
wanted Ian with her when it did.  In fact, she would do whatever she could
to keep him at the house, cousin or not.  Brenda stopped in mid-thought. 
Cousin or not?  Cousin or not?  The thought rolled over and over in
Brenda's mind.  She looked at Ian, who was daydreaming and looking the
other way.
   "Ian?" she asked.  Ian quickly turned her way.
   "Yeah?"
   "Could you excuse us for just a minute or two.  There's something I need
to discuss with him in private."
   Ian glanced at Roger, and then looked back at her.  "Okay, sure Brenda."
He left the office and closed the door behind him.
   "What do you need to discuss that he cannot hear?" Roger asked.
   Brenda leaned forward and spoke softly.  "I need to know what legal ties
I have with my family."
   "I am not sure what you mean."
   "Am I legally related to my aunts, uncles, and..." she hesitated a
moment, "...and cousins."
   "My dear, the will specifically states that you are the sole heir..."
   "I'm not interested in the will," Brenda interrupted, "I just want to
know if I'm still related to everyone."
   "Well, because you were legally adopted and you were legally the child
of Harry and Alice, yes, you are still related to them."
   Brenda looked down, crestfallen.  "Oh," she said sadly.
   "My dear, what is the matter?"
   "Oh, it's nothing."
   "You will not get away with that, young lady, so do not even try," he
said firmly.  "Now, tell me the problem."
   Knowing that she would never get out of the office without telling Roger
something, she laid everything out for him, except for the part of sleeping
together.  She didn't think he'd accept that or understand it.  Roger
listened patiently, occasionally rocking in his chair.  When Brenda
finished, he waited a few moments before he spoke.
   "My dear, I am very happy to hear that you have found that special
someone, especially it being Ian.  He appears to be a bright young man who
cares deeply for you.  Despite your father's differences with Ian's mother,
your parents always spoke highly of him.  Now, legally, since you were
adopted and do not have any blood kinship towards Ian, with proper
documentation, you could be married, should you decide to pursue that."
   A broad smile came across Brenda's face at the news.
   "But," he cautioned, "morally and ethically, friends and family may not
understand.  They will still look upon you as a niece or a cousin, as they
should, and might object to your relationship.  In most states, marriage
between first cousins is forbidden.  I think that Ian's parents will have
the most to say about this.  In any case, I think it wise to let everyone
know about your adoption first, then slowly bring Ian into the equation. 
The longer you wait, the worse it will be."
   "Well, unfortunately, my family will talk no matter what.  They objected
when Ian and I went on vacation last summer, even though both our parents
were okay with it.  I really don't think Ian's parents will have a problem
with it.  They'll be back from vacation in a week, so we'll see.  I love my
family, but they will not stop me from doing this.  If you haven't noticed,
I can be quite stubborn."
   "That is quite evident, my dear." Roger stood up, moved around the desk,
and embraced Brenda.  Tears were forming in Brenda's eyes, happy ones this
time.  "My dear," Roger said, "if your parents knew that Ian could make you
this happy, I think that maybe they would have told you about the adoption
sooner."
   "I think so, too," she replied.
   "Well, it is time for lunch," he said when he broke the embrace.  "Bring
that fine young man back in and we will decide where to go."
   The lunch was pleasant and relaxing.  Roger proved to be an excellent
host and told many stories of Harry and Alice, some of which Brenda hadn't
heard.  Nothing was said about Brenda and Roger's conversation and Ian had
no intention of pursuing it.  Though mildly curious, he felt it was none of
his business and if she wanted to tell him, she would.  Roger asked him
many questions about school and his choice of study and attempted to get a
better understanding of the man whom Brenda loved so much.  By the end of
lunch, Roger was convinced that she had made the right choice and would do
everything in his power to help her achieve her dream.
   After lunch, Ian and Brenda stopped at her bank where she deposited the
check that Roger had given her.  The ride back to the house was somber. 
Brenda's mixed emotions were churning like a boiling caldron, some rising
to the top and then going back down.  She wanted to cry, but she was sick
and tired of crying.  She always thought of herself as an emotionally
strong individual, but she was finding out that she wasn't as strong as she
thought she was and it made her angry.  Brenda didn't like feeling weak and
not in control and she hoped that she would regain her strength and
quickly.
   Emotionally spent when they arrived home, Brenda claimed a headache and
went to her room to lie down.  Ian went to his room and worked on the
computer.  After a few hours, Ian turned off the computer and decided to
check on Brenda.  Her door was open and he stepped in to find her sound
asleep, partially covered with her sheet and blanket.  Ian could see that
she was wearing nothing but her bra and panties and the sight of her almost
naked body aroused him to no end.
   Quietly, he moved closer to get a better look.  She was lying on her
right side, but turned a bit.  Her muscular left leg and curvy hip, along
with a bit of her bra-covered breast were exposed.  Her right arm was under
her head and her left arm was at her side.  After a few seconds of watching
her, Ian decided to cover her before he had an accident in his pants.  As
he pulled the blanket to her shoulder, Brenda stirred and opened her eyes
and looked at Ian, who instantly turned red from embarrassment.
   Her eyes traveled from his face to his crotch, where she was almost face
to face with his erection.  She glanced back up at Ian and giggled in spite
of herself.  "Is someone glad to see me?" she laughed.
   "You shouldn't sleep in your underwear and keep your door open." Ian
managed a sheepish smile.
   "You've seen me in a bikini before."
   "This is different."
   "How?"
   "Because I'm in love with you."
   "And..."
   "And I wasn't then."
   Brenda sat up with the blanket covering her upper body.
   "So," she continued, "the sight of me being in underwear excites you,
but me in a bikini doesn't."
   "Not at all." He sat down near her hip.  "You're beautiful in your
bikini, and yes, it did excite me.  You just probably didn't notice."
   "Oh, I see," Brenda replied.  The thought and sight of Ian being
sexually aroused sent shivers through her.
   Ian laughed, "Maybe you should wear more to bed so you won't get cold."
   Brenda smiled devilishly at him.  "It's not because I'm cold." She
leaned forward, letting the blanket fall to her waist.  Ian couldn't take
his eyes off her partially covered breasts as she kissed him softly.  "It's
because I want to take the rest off!"
   Ian's eyes grew wide at the thought of what she said.  "Bren...are you
sure?"
   "I've never been more sure of anything in my life.  The only good thing
that's come out of this adoption mess is that we're not true cousins. 
Things happen for a reason and maybe it was best that I didn't find out
until today.  I don't know.  All I know is that I've waited a long time for
someone to love me, really love me and he's right in front of me where he
belongs." Brenda looked down for a moment.  "It's something I've wanted for
a long time.  Maybe I didn't know it until recently, or maybe I just didn't
want to admit it, but I now know that it's okay to love you and for you to
love me.  It was meant to be."
   Brenda fell silent as Ian looked away.  He thought of everything that
had happened over the past few days.  He felt awful about his aunt and
uncle and the pain that it was causing Brenda.  He knew that he loved her
enough that he would gladly be just a cousin to her if it could bring back
her parents.  He just wanted her to be happy, to be the girl he knew just a
week before.
   Brenda waited patiently for Ian to say something, but all Ian did was
sigh heavily as he looked down.
   "Ian?" Brenda said, her hand touching his chin.  Ian looked up at her,
his green eyes misty as he studied her face.  He saw no sadness in her warm
smile or her soft, brown eyes, but only love and concern.  She leaned
forward and kissed him gently, his soft lips accepting hers tentatively at
first.  Seconds later, he relaxed and began to respond to her love. 
Slowly, they settled down on the bed as their kissing became more
passionate.  Ian wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close as
her hands rubbed his back, her breasts pressed against his chest.
   They broke their kiss and stared into each others eyes, their breathing
heavy and quicker than it had been just seconds before.  Neither said a
word as they studied the other.  Brenda pulled Ian close and hugged him
tightly as the tears began to fall down her cheeks.  Alarmed, Ian felt the
wetness and pulled away abruptly, looking at Brenda expectedly.
   "I just love you so much!" Brenda cried as she pulled him back to her.
"I love you, I love you..."
   Her mouth found his once more as she kissed him softly, tenderly.  Ian
now knew that it was okay to love her, that he needn't fell guilty about
loving her because of her parents death.  As she said, it was meant to be.
He kissed her back, his hands pushing away the tears as he stroked her
face, the lovely face of the woman he loved.  Brenda groaned softly as a
shiver went through her.  A giggle escaped her lips as Ian smiled.
   "You're an excellent kisser, Ian," she whispered breathlessly.  She
began kissing him open-mouthed, urgently wanting more and accepting nothing
less.  Ian held her face in his hands and kissed her hard, holding her in
place.  Another groan escaped her as she slowly moved her hand to his thigh
and began massaging it.  With each squeeze, her hand came closer and closer
to his erection.  Her touch felt wonderful to him as the anticipation began
to build as to how far she would go.  Ian's breathing became faster and
sharper as he waited for her next move.  She never hesitated as the back of
her hand brushed against the bulge in his jeans.  Ian inhaled sharply at
her touch.  Brenda squeezed gently and loved the feel of his hardness and
began to feel her own excitement begin to build.
   Brenda pushed him away gently and before he could say anything, she
reached behind her and quickly unhooked her bra.  Ian looked at her with
anticipation as she held it in place.
   "Would you like to do the honors?" she asked mischievously.
   Ian could only nod as he reached forward and pulled her bra away from
her body, his hands trembling slightly.  Once exposed, he stared in awe at
them.  They were slightly coned shaped, but were firm.  Her areoles were
puffy and her nipples erect from her own arousal.  Brenda was aching for
him to touch them, love them like a lover should, but he could only stare
at them with a silly grin on his face.  Not being able to stand it any
longer, she gently pulled his face forward until he got her subtle hint. 
He kissed the nipples first as she sighed contently.  Her nipples protruded
even more as he ran his tongue over the left one first, then the right. 
Brenda arched her back, trying to push them further into his mouth, her own
breathing starting to become ragged.  He kissed them gently on the tops of
them and then the underside.  Brenda murmured her approval as she eyed the
bulge between his legs.
   "Get undressed.  Hurry!" she begged in a raspy whisper.  Ian undressed
quickly as Brenda watched his every move.  Once he was down to his
underwear, his erection straining against the thin cotton fabric, Brenda
got off of the bed and hooked her thumbs inside of her bikini briefs. 
Slowly, sensually, she wriggled them down past her hips and to the floor.
Ian pulled his underwear down quickly, his hard penis bobbing as it was set
free from its confinement.  They stared at each other for a few seconds,
each nervous and not knowing what to do next.
   "You're simply beautiful," Ian managed to say, his voice trembling a
bit. He had undressed her mentally more than a few times in the past days,
but her body was even more sultry, curvy than he could ever have imagined.
   Brenda blushed from the compliment and extended her hand to him.  He
took it and she led him back to the bed.  She was more than ready for him,
her flesh twitching in anticipation of them becoming one.  She layed on her
back, parting her legs as she pulled him on top of her.  She felt between
her muscular thighs with her hand and she was amazed at how wet she had
become in such a short period of time.  Her hand brushed against her
clitoris and a shock of pleasure attacked her body.  Wanting him inside
her, she reached for his penis and began to guide it towards her slick
opening.  It twitched at her touch and she could feel the moistness at the
tip.  Ian groaned as he tried desperately not to lose control.
   Brenda rested it at the opening of her vagina and took a deep breath. 
"Push, baby, nice and slow," she instructed him.  Ian nodded and pushed
forward slowly.  Brenda gasped with pleasure as the head pushed forward and
into her.  Tears of joy erupted from her eyes as she instinctly wrapped her
legs around his torso.  Soon, he was totally inside her, his penis
pulsating and wanting to let go.  Brenda's warm, moist vaginal muscles
surrounded Ian's penis lovingly and he thought that he had never felt
anything so wonderful in his life.  Ian fought the urge gamely and remained
still until Brenda gave him the signal to continue.
   "I can't believe you're inside me," she whispered in his ear, her voice
choked with emotion.  "We're really one now.  I love you so much!"
   "I love you, Brenda," he replied before he kissed her deeply.  He always
tried to imagine what it would be like to make love to a woman, how it
would feel to be inside of her, how her naked body would feel underneath
him.  He never counted on losing his virginity to Brenda, he always thought
it would be someone else from school.  He never counted on the mixed
emotions that were churning inside him.  His love for Brenda was real and
the joy he felt at that moment was real, too.  He thought that his first
experience would be very quick with little or no emotion involved.  How
wrong he was.
   Brenda broke the kiss and looked deeply into his eyes, smiling.  She
looked down at her tilted pelvis and saw their two bodies joined by the
flesh of their beings.  She was truly, blissfully happy for the first time
in a long time.  She never thought that making love could be like this,
that she could feel this good physically and emotionally.  Brenda nodded
quickly for him to begin and he smiled.  Slowly, he pulled back a few
inches and pushed back in.  The sensation of her flesh surrounding his was
incredible as he tried to maintain an even pace and not ejaculate too
quickly.  Brenda tried to meet his thrusts in unison as wave after wave of
pleasure started to invade her body.  His pole of muscle filled her
completely as it rubbed against her walls and the sensations were
electrifying as the waves became stronger.  Brenda groaned loudly in spite
of herself as she knew that she was coming close.
   As her vaginal muscles started to tighten, Ian could no longer hold out.
"It's coming, Bren..." he gasped as he tensed and his penis began to
pulsate.  Brenda reached forward grabbing his buttocks and pulled him
forward, not letting go.  "Aw...geez..." he exclaimed as semen began to
spurt.
   Brenda felt the pulsations of his penis and that sent her over the edge
as well.  The excitement that was building within her exploded as wave
after wave of intense pleasure gripped her.  She road each wave with
gritted teeth, almost growling at the intenseness of it.  "Oh Ian, oh
Ian..." she exclaimed over and over again.
   Ian's orgasm stopped after five or six spurts, but he kept thrusting
slowly as he watched in amazement as Brenda's orgasm continued.  She was
smiling now as the spasms that had wracked her body were now soft, gentle
waves again.  She eased her legs down to the bed as Ian collapsed on top of
her.  Brenda hugged him fiercely as he kissed her neck softly, whispering
his undying love to her.  Sweating and chilled, they pulled the covers on
top of themselves and snuggled against each other as their hands roamed,
exploring every inch of their naked bodies.
   After a few clumsy tries at trying to find her clitoris, Brenda took his
hand and guided it to her most special, secret spot.  Being the eager
student, Ian soon learned what pleased her and what sent her into orbit. 
They made love once more before drifting off into a deep sleep, Ian's head
against her chest.
   When they awoke, it was well after seven o'clock.  Ian woke first and
eased himself carefully off of Brenda, not wishing to wake her.  He stared
at her in awe and wonder, hardly believing what had transpired just hours
before.  She had a slight smile on her face and was breathing slowly and
deeply.  Ian brushed some hair away from her face and continued to stare at
her, taking in every feature of her and feeling that he could look at her
forever and never tire of it.
   Perhaps sensing that Ian was no longer laying on her, Brenda slowly
awoke and smiled at Ian, who was still hovering over her.  "Hi," she said
softly, still smiling.
   "Hi," he replied.  "I hope I didn't wake you."
   Brenda glanced at the clock.  "That's okay.  I need to get up anyway."
She reached up, wrapped her arms around Ian's neck, and pulled him down to
her once more, kissing him softly.
   "I love you so much," she whispered, her voice choking with emotion.  "I
love you, I love you..."
   It was late and the lighting dim as the young couple sat in the corner
of their favorite restaurant, "Franco's".  There was only a few other
patrons, but they were oblivious to anyone outside their world.  At times,
they sat and said nothing, content with just being with each other and
taking in everything.  Unspoken, unconditional love bounced back and forth
between them as soft Italian music floated in the background.
   "I still can't believe we made love in the shower!" Brenda giggled,
shaking her head back and forth.  Her thoughts turned back to the bathroom
where they soaped and washed each other, each reveling in their partner's
delicious nakedness.  Ian took extra care and time when it was his turn to
wash her genitalia, using his fingers and hands to cleanse her and bring
her to an earth-shattering climax at the same time.  Once she recovered,
she rinsed and then grabbed the towel rack, thrusting her puffy labia and
engorged clitoris at him, begging him to take her from behind.  Brenda
squeezed her thighs together and knew that she was getting moist again from
her carnal thoughts.
   "I couldn't resist," Ian answered, trying to sound innocent.  "You'll
never get me off you now."
   "God, I hope not!" Brenda giggled once more.  They fell silent again,
each deep in thought.
   "So...", Brenda said after a few moments.
   "So what?" Ian asked.
   "So, what do you think about living with me?"
   Ian blinked momentarily and cleared his throat.  "You know I want to,"
he said, then he hesitated.
   "But..."
   "But, my parents will probably be against it."
   "So?"
   "Well, I wouldn't want you to foot all of the bills when they cut me
off."
   "I'll have the money."
   "I know, but you shouldn't have to."
   "I don't have to do anything.  I want to do it.  Ian, I'll have my MBA
in two years or maybe less.  Who knows?  After that, I'll be able to
support us without touching savings.  I've got virtually no outstanding
debt.  My God, Ian, I could even sell dad's car and pay for your school
next year."
   "I'm on scholarship," he reminded her.
   "Sorry, I forgot."
   "I don't want you to sell things to help me."
   "You know what I mean." Brenda fell silent for a moment.  "We're in this
together, you know.  It's not you against them, alone.  I'm a part of this
now.  What are you afraid of?" She waited patiently for his answer.
   "I just don't want to be on bad terms with them, that's all."
   "Is it the money?"
   "No," he said strongly, "I don't care about their money, really. 
Sometimes, I wish we weren't that rich.  I guess it's just an ego thing,
you know, the male providing for his mate.  I guess I would just feel weird
about it, that's all."
   "Lots of women put their husbands through school."
   Ian laughed.
   "What's so funny?" she demanded.
   "I'm in serious trouble now," he replied.
   "What do you mean?"
   "Husband?" he answered.  "We haven't even dated yet."
   "Dated?" she squeaked.  "We've seen each other almost every week for the
past three years.  We spend most of our summers doing stuff together. 
We've gotten to know each other pretty well this afternoon, I might add. 
Anyway, you're ignoring the question at hand.  There's no reason why I
can't support you, so you can put that thinking away.  You can support me
when you get your practice started."
   "You're getting pretty hung up on this 'husband' stuff, aren't you?"
   "And you better start getting hung up on the 'wife' stuff," she warned.
   "Is that a proposal?" he asked, laughing.
   Brenda thought for a second and she didn't need that long to know what
her answer was.  "Yes, I believe it is," she replied simply, staring into
his sea-green eyes once more.
   Ian stopped and looked at Brenda who, just a few hours earlier, was
regarded as his cousin.  Still his cousin in everything except blood, she
was now his lover, his everything.  He knew that he would never want
another woman in his life and he knew that he never wanted to be without
her.  He looked into her eyes and saw nothing but love and joy staring back
at him.
   "So, what color tux am I going to wear?"
   to be continued....
   pics---->> http://bit.ly/1D1q3qp 
  
Brenda and Ian Ch 01