A.F.O. Story Review Column 7
A woman is convinced under false pretences to appear on a Springer-style TV show, only to hear a secret that shatters her life and self esteem. She then takes an unusual path in an attempt to rebuild both. The writer has given us Kate, a sympathetic main character, who is "real" on a number of levels. While we empathise with the dirty trick played on her, Kate is not some frail Victorian maiden who collapses with the vapours at the slightest impropriety. She has some steel to her. Once the shock begins to wear off, her biting remarks show that she is intelligent and potentially capable of defending herself, though still vulnerable. The characters who befriend her are also well drawn and believable. But this is not as true of the TV host, Bob Uncle, Kate's husband Harry, and her best friend Debbie. As written, they are more one-note, and make you wonder how a bright woman like Kate could have been so wrong about two of the closest people in her life. I also wondered if it was unnecessarily villain-ish to have the talk show host reek of stale sweat, since they always have assistants (or toadies) to take them in hand regarding just such matters as sweat and breath etc. I could be wrong, but my hunch (based on the sweat AND the word "slavering") is that the writer allowed her dislike for the character to seep through (sorry) onto the page. His smarminess is evident enough, thanks to his otherwise well written actions and dialogue, so there's no need to give him the literary equivalents of the villain twirling his moustache. I felt the story moves in quite a satisfying way, and its only real rough spots were cosmetic, so to speak. In one case literally: "she could only marvel that the thick makeup plastered on her face didn't slide off on a wave of sweat." Now it's pure coincidence that my objection is yet again regarding perspiration, but in this case I like the expression, just not the way it's put, because it makes the image ungainly. A slight adjustment could give us another opportunity to enjoy Kate's sense of humour. For example, rather than having her marvel (so seriously), the writer could just have her easing her own nerves by *imagining* a wave of her own sweat washing off her makeup.
Another place the writer might wish to reword to avoid problems with people such as myself who are possessed of unfortunately tweaked thought patterns: "An icy hand seemed to have closed around her heart when Harry and Debbie had kissed, and the numbness had spread outwards. She was frozen in her seat." I love the 'icy hand' (though I personally would lose the "seemed to have" because doing so would make it much more immediate and actively painful) but after the icy hands comes a "numbness" that spreads outward which is immediately followed by her being "frozen in her seat." The sentences bear re-thinking because the seed of an excellent climactic moment is there, and gets weakened by a distracting progression of imagery.
"She had a momentary pang of empathy for the ancient gladiators in the Roman amphitheatres. None of these people actually cared that her happy secure world had just been torn apart. They just wanted to see her agony." This is an apt comparison, and my only real reservation is that it takes a moment afterward to readjust our image of Kate as a victim sent out into this 'arena' unarmed, which the gladiators were not. Sometimes the victims of lions were sent out to their deaths unarmed, which might have been a more appropriate analogy. Still, moments afterward, Kate does strike back, so maybe the gladiator analogy works. After a few readings it still drew attention to itself so I thought I'd mention it.
"Or was it magic? Some wizard made your clothes and morals disappear?" I absolutely loved this line. And it instantly made Kate one of my favourite characters in quite a while. "Kate fed her anger, feeling it insulate her from the nightmare she was trapped in. As long as she felt angry, she didn't have to feel anything else." While the rest of the thought is excellent as well as psychologically accurate, I had a problem with her "feeding" her anger. People often allow themselves to react with anger because anger covers some other more painful emotions. But the word 'fed' coupled with later descriptions like "Entombed in her anger", and "Huddling her anger around herself like a shroud" gave an incorrect impression of her. She seems the type of person who would not thrive on anger, but would rather use it while she felt it. The death images don't work for me because her anger did not kill her, rather it is described as protecting her from feeling worse hurt. Just a thought, but I enjoyed this story and Kate too much to let such things slide without at least a mention. Lastly, I would've liked to have heard the writer touch once on Kate's reason for not walking offstage. Humiliated people do that on these shows. And the last of the cosmetic quibbles: "She had high heels on her feet." We writers make whoopses like this all the time. Where else would she wear high heels? This is equivalent to that other writers' bugaboo: "There was a smile on his face." Where else would the smile be? Ahh, the risks of writing. Again, I have to say, I really enjoyed Kate, and this story very much. gmh
J. Todd's Review Column
Exposed by Vicky Morgan
I thought the central idea of the story was very interesting, those rubbishy chat shows where people confess to things. The first part worked better for me than the second. I wasn't really convinced by this devastated woman ending up gyrating her hips in a strip joint, but what do I know?
Take care with some of the images. If you overdo it they can sound ridiculous.
>>she could only marvel that the thick make up plastered on her face didn't slide off on a wave of sweat.<<
A wave of sweat????
You have created a situation that speaks for itself. Any reader with a modicum of imagination will be suffering along with Kate. Try not to spoil this moment by falsely heightening the cruelty of the presenter by having him slaver.
>>"Well, Kate," Bob said, almost slavering in anticipation of watching her suffer, "is there anything you would like to say to Harry or Debbie?"<<
When you have Kate thinking about Roman gladiators it doesn't ring true - I would have thought that would be the last thing she would be thinking of. This is very much you, the writer, likening your character to a Roman gladiator - but that is a different thing.
>>She had a momentary pang of empathy for the ancient gladiators in the Roman amphitheatres.<<
Celestial Reviews 330 June 19
"Exposed" by Vickie Morgan
On one of those sleazy TV talk shows, Harry reveals to his wife Kate and to the world that for two years he has been having an affair with her best friend Debbie. He explains that the affair occurred because Kate is not nearly as adventurous as Debbie. Then he suggests in front of the TV cameras that Debbie move in with them, so that maybe she could help Kate to loosen up a bit, teach her how to be sexy. After all, they've been friends for so long, it seems like the best solution to their problems."
Actually, Kate is a little bit miffed and figures the other two can go straight to hell. She strikes up a conversation with Suki, a woman who had been on the show to disclose to her parents that she owns and performs in a strip bar. So Kate goes home with Suki.
I'll bet you think you know exactly where this is going. Kate will dance in Suki's strip bar in order to regain her self-confidence. Harry will be there with Debbie, because Suki's appearance was really a publicity stunt, and she passed out free passes to all the other guests. Kate will perform erotically and will humiliate Harry and Debbie in the process, and then she will have ecstatic sex with Steve, Suki's partner whom I forgot to tell you about.
Well, not quite. But I'll bet that's what you were thinking.
As you may know, the movie "Hope Floats" begins with a similar premise. The movie was more realistic, but this story was sexier. Imagine that.
Ratings for "Exposed"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
Rogue Reviews Digest 398
Title: Exposed
Author: Vickie Morgan
Length :6,300 words
Main Character: Female
Combination(s): --
Orientation(s): --
Heterosexual (Female, Male):
Relationship(s): --
Kink(s): --
Setting(s): Strip Club, Talk Show
Genre(s): --
Caution(s): --
Summary
Kate is invited on a daytime talk show under the pretense that
she will be discussing her friendship with her best friend
Debbie. During the course of the show Debbie admits to having an
affair with Harry, Kate's husband. Harry confirms Debbie's boast
and suggests that Debbie move in with them. Kate doesn't take to
Harry's idea, but does accept an invitation from the owner of a
strip club, who also appeared on the show.
Commentary
I have a feeling that this story may appeal to women more than it
does to men. There isn't any sex in it. It is a nice story, but I
wasn't drawn in by Kate's dilemma. I was not able to feel Kate's
pain, and thus it was hard for me to appreciate her triumph (of
sorts) at the end of the story.
On the whole I would say that Kate's character seemed a bit too restrained. I am not suggesting that she should have been telling the world how she feels. I am suggesting that the author should have given more details that would show, rather than tell the reader, what Kate was experiencing.
AGREE OR DISAGREE?
