Kate nervously wet her lips and hoped she did not look as out of place as she felt. The studio lights relentlessly poured out heat and she could only marvel that the thick make up plastered on her face didn't slide off on a wave of sweat.
She wished she hadn't let Debbie talk her into this. She had at first firmly refused but to her surprise her husband, Harry, had added his persuasions to the argument and she caved in as usual. After all, it was an all expenses paid trip to San Francisco. Debbie desperately wanted to appear on TV and she thought a talk show discussing friendships was the ideal opportunity. Debbie and Kate had been friends since high school so they could be considered experts. Debbie promised that she would do most of the talking and all Kate would have to do was nod occasionally.
Now trapped on the studio platform in the glare of the audience and cameras, Kate could only marvel at how comfortable Debbie seemed. She was answering the suave presenter's leading questions and explaining how their friendship had started when they were toddlers living next door to each other. The presenter called himself Bob Uncle and he seemed to be trying to speak with an English accent. Kate didn't know which was more annoying, his mangled vowels or the false smile permanently plastered on his face. He leaped onto the platform and draped his arms around Kate and Debbie's shoulders.
"Now we have a bit of a surprise for you, Kate," he announced, favouring the cameras with a flash of his teeth. "The real reason you're here, Kate, is that Debbie has a secret she wants to tell you. Any idea what it could be, Kate?"
Kate dumbly shook her head, trying not to cringe away from Bob's arm. The overwhelming smell of too much cologne and stale sweat coming from Bob made her head swim. She wholeheartedly wished she was safely back at home and could switch channels and never see Bob's smug face again. She had no idea what silly rigmarole Debbie had come up with to ensure her fifteen minutes on the small screen but Kate wished she was no part of it. Debbie gave a giggle and tossed her hair back self-consciously as she turned to face Kate.
"I don't know how to tell you this," she began, "but I've been having an affair for over two years now."
"Before you were divorced?" Kate asked hesitantly, unsure how she was supposed to react. Debbie's sex life was her own business, after all. Kate wasn't under the illusion that someone as pretty and flirtatious as Debbie had been celibate for the last eighteen months.
"I'm afraid so. The thing is, my lover is someone you know," Debbie announced, looking earnestly at Kate. Since they both shared pretty much the same circle of friends this wasn't exactly a surprise, so Kate said nothing. She supposed she should act outraged, but couldn't bring herself to perform for the cameras.
"I tell you what," Bob cried cheerfully, "why don't we bring him out and you can tell us how you feel about it all. You can tell me, after all..."
"Bob's your uncle!" the audience roared enthusiastically. Hundreds of eyes and three cameras were avidly fixed on Kate's face, ready to track every emotion. To a fanfare of music Kate watched Harry walk out onto the stage. Her first reaction was relief that he was there to divert some of the attention from her. It wasn't until he sat down and exchanged a passionate kiss with Debbie that Kate grasped the significance of his presence.
"This is Harry, everyone," Bob introduced him. "Now explain your relationship to these two lovely ladies sitting either side of you."
"Well, Debbie here is my lover," Harry said smugly. Debbie twined her hand around his and leaned closer. Kate could hear the sudden silence as the audience held its breath, anticipating Harry's next words. "And Kate is my wife."
The audience went crazy, booing and yelling at the full pitch of their collective lungs. In the midst of the entire hullabaloo Kate sat rigidly in her seat. An icy hand seemed to have closed around her heart when Harry and Debbie had kissed, and the numbness had spread outwards. She was frozen in her seat, trying desperately to convince herself that this was some kind of practical joke.
"Well, Kate," Bob said, almost slavering in anticipation of watching her suffer, "is there anything you would like to say to Harry or Debbie?"
Kate swallowed hard and looked around for some kind of escape. She was surrounded on all sides by human monsters, eagerly waiting to see her pain. She had a momentary pang of empathy for the ancient gladiators in the Roman amphitheatres. None of these people actually cared that her happy secure world had just been torn apart. They just wanted to see her agony.
"Your husband and your best friend have been having a passionate love affair for the past two years," Bob pointed out, verbally prodding her for a reaction. Kate forced herself to look at them. They seemed strangely proud of themselves, and they, too, were waiting to see what Kate would say.
"If either of them were really my friend or cared the slightest bit for me they would have found a better way to tell me than this," Kate said at last. The crowd howled joyously as Debbie bristled indignantly.
"We've been wanting to tell you for so long, but we couldn't figure out the best way," she protested.
"And this," Kate indicated the studio with a wave of her hand, "this you thought was the best way."
"Now don't be like that, honey," Harry began, until Kate froze him with a contemptuous look.
"I think the less you say, the better, don't you?" Kate asked.
"Now Kate," Bob intervened. "I think we should hear what Harry has to say. After all, he is the one caught between you two friends. Why don't you tell us how you feel about all this Harry?" he invited unctuously.
"I guess I'm mostly confused," Harry confessed. "Kate's my wife and I love her. We will have been married for ten years this April." To Kate's disbelief the crowd murmured approvingly. "I never meant to get involved with Debbie, I don't really know how it happened."
Kate couldn't help laughing. Immediately the cameras focused on her face.
"What do you find amusing, Kate?" Bob asked.
"The idea that a grown man doesn't know how he ended up in bed having sex," Kate drawled sarcastically, feeling her anger slowly building.
"You don't understand," Debbie said. "We couldn't help it."
"Oh, you mean someone stripped your clothes off and forced you both together at gunpoint? Or was it magic? Some wizard made your clothes and morals disappear. Or wait, maybe you were hypnotised." Kate fed her anger, feeling it insulate her from the nightmare she was trapped in. As long as she felt angry, she didn't have to feel anything else. Kate looked Debbie straight in the face until Debbie looked away. "You're right about one thing, I don't understand."
"Why don't you explain to us, and Kate, why you started this affair Harry?" Bob suggested.
"Well, Kate's a good wife but she's not very, um, adventurous, if you know what I mean," Harry explained. "Whereas Debbie is unbelievably sexy." Debbie preened under Harry's admiring gaze, tossing back her mane of blonde hair and re-crossing her long tanned legs. "To be honest, Debbie can turn me on more with one look than Kate can naked. I guess everyone is different. Kate just isn't very highly sexed. I have needs that Kate wouldn't meet. I don't know about anyone else, but I like to make love more than two ways."
Even though she was entombed in her anger, Harry's words still managed to hurt her. Kate tried not to cringe in her seat. It was unbearable that the man she had loved and trusted for so long was casually telling strangers about their love life. She knew she was more inhibited than Harry would like, but she was not a self-confident person. She had tried to please him and follow his directions, but some of the things he wanted to try she found completely disgusting. For a moment she wondered if she should have at least attempted some of the perverse things he had suggested. Then she indignantly realised she was blaming herself for Harry's infidelity. Huddling her anger around herself like a shroud, she resolved not to say another word until this whole ordeal was over. Bob was trying to get her to react to Harry's explanation but Kate just stared stonily straight ahead.
"Well, folks, what do you want to happen now?" Bob asked at last, when it became obvious that Kate wasn't going to respond.
"Well, I love both my women and I don't want to lose either of them," Harry replied piously. The crowd hummed approvingly. "What I would like would be for Debbie to move in with us. And then maybe she could help Kate to loosen up a bit, teach her how to be sexy. After all, we've all been friends for so long, it seems like the best solution to our problems."
Kate heard his words as if from a great distance. His ludicrous idea wasn't even worth listening to. She vaguely wondered how she would find a lawyer and how long a divorce would take. Debbie and Harry stated their point of view several times, but when it became obvious Kate wasn't going to react Bob let the audience ask a few questions. Kate managed to ignore the fatuous comments until one eager plump woman assured Kate that she knew exactly how she felt. Her anger had become white hot, cremating her from the inside.
"Do you?" Kate demanded of the woman. "You've been dragged onto a tacky talk show by two people who are supposed to care about you so they can tell you that they've been having some sordid affair? Have you had that happen to you?" The woman shook her head. "Well, until you, or anyone else, have been in my circumstances, don't tell me that you know how I feel or give me advice."
Taken aback by her vehemence, Bob swiftly moved on to some new victims. Kate couldn't escape, however, and had to sit in the spotlights while two more people confessed secrets to their nearest and dearest. Even when a scuffle broke out, she continued to sit numbly in her chair. Eventually, the end of the show arrived and the cameras and lights shut down. Slightly disorientated by the sudden dimness, Kate meekly followed a girl back to the changing rooms. To her relief neither Debbie nor Harry were there. She collapsed into a chair and finally let herself think about what had happened.
As a wave of despair swamped her she watched tears trickle down her reflected face in the mirror. She had no idea what to do now. The studio didn't care about the consequences of their shows. Kate didn't even know where to go. She couldn't return to the hotel room she had shared with Harry last night, with Debbie right next door. She suddenly remembered Harry making love to her last night and her stomach clenched. Fighting the nausea, she tried to recall if she had any money or credit cards in her purse.
Unexpectedly an arm came around her and someone gave her a brief hug, before pressing a glass of water and a tissue into her hand. Gratefully Kate sipped the water, trying to smile at the stranger next to her.
"Rough day?" she said sympathetically. Kate nodded, mopping at her face. "Here, let me do that," the stranger continued. "You probably don't remember my name, it's Suki Divine."
"Kate Robertson," Kate responded politely. Suki smeared some cream on Kate's face, then began wiping the thick make up off. "What are you here for?" It seemed bizarre to be making genteel conversation under the circumstances, but Kate didn't really know what else to do.
"Confessing to my family that I own and work in a strip bar," Suki said casually. "They actually kind of knew already but I could use the free publicity. Dad hammed it up great, doing all the moral outrage bit. It's easy to see where I get my acting talent from." Kate was unsure exactly how to respond to the explanation so she settled for smiling weakly. Suki didn't really look like Kate's picture of a stripper. She was changing into jeans and a shirt, and didn't really look any different from any of Kate's respectable friends. If anything, she wore less make-up.
"What are you going to do now?" Suki asked kindly. Kate sighed and began to change out her Sunday best clothes. Her respectable blue suit seemed dowdy now. She indignantly remembered Harry suggesting that she wear this outfit, instead of some of the clothes she wore for going out of an evening. This suit was for funerals and meetings with the bank manager, not looking feminine. Kate now realised that Harry wanted her to look as dull as possible.
"Bastard," she muttered.
"That's the spirit," Suki remarked. "They seem a regular pair of creeps, those two. Sounds like you're well rid of them, if you don't mind my saying so." Suki's unexpected support bolstered Kate's flagging spirits. She dug out her purse and groaned when she saw how little she had in it. Since they were travelling together, Kate hadn't seen much point in bringing all her cards with her. The little money she had would barely stretch to a Big Mac.
"What's wrong, sweetie?" Suki asked.
"I don't want to go back to the hotel room, but I haven't got enough money to go anywhere else." Kate rummaged around in her bag a bit more and triumphantly came up with an envelope. "I have, however, got all of our plane tickets." She took out two of them and vindictively tore them into pieces. Suki gave an encouraging cheer and laughingly tossed the scraps in the air.
"Why don't you come home with me?" Suki suggested, looking sympathetically at Kate. "I live over the bar, with my partner, business not sexual partner that is. I know it's probably not your environment of choice but it has to be better than walking the streets all night or going back to the hotel with that pair of losers."
"You mean, go to your strip bar?" Kate queried.
"Yep. I've got a spare bed and you won't have to go downstairs to the bar at all. Of course, I understand if you don't want to."
"No, I'd be really grateful," Kate replied quickly, before she could retract her offer. "To be honest, I'd really like to see what a strip club looks like."
"Well, as long as you're not expecting anything glamorous," Suki cautioned, " you're more than welcome."
Suki had been right, Kate thought, the bar was anything but glamorous. From the outside it was a square concrete building with no windows. It had a car park lurking behind it and on the front a large neon sign, which looked rather forlorn in daylight. Inside there was a small entranceway with a ticket booth guarding the way in and plenty of pictures of naked women pouting at the camera. Suki led the way inside and Kate found herself in a large, dimly lit room. A wide bar ran along one side of the room and there were small tables scattered around. In the centre was the stage. A runway led out from a curtain-shrouded doorway and ended in a large semi-circle with a pole in the centre. A strange cocktail of stale smoke and alcohol combined with furniture polish and floor cleaner. A couple of women were on the stage practising a routine, while a tall man was directing several others as they wiped tables and mopped the floor.
"I'll just say hello to my partner and check there's no crisis, then we'll go upstairs. It won't take a minute," Suki promised. Kate trailed after her, trying to look at everything at once. As soon as Suki was spotted, everyone crowded around her asking questions about the show. Kate stood awkwardly in the background, listening to the exuberant chatter and feeling out of place, until the tall man approached her, smiling.
"I thought I knew all of Suki's friends, but I don't remember meeting you before," he said with a slight accent, taking Kate's hand.
"No. That is, I'm not exactly . . ." Kate stopped and tried to start again. "What I'm trying to say is that I only met Suki today so that's why you don't know me."
"I thought I would have remembered such a charming lady," he said, and kissed the back of her hand. Kate was taken by surprise and completely flustered. Snatching her hand away, she eyed him warily.
"What are you trying to do?" she asked. He raised an eyebrow and looked at her quizzically. "Well?" she demanded crossly. "Do you go around kissing complete stranger's hands all the time?"
"Only the female ones," he replied with a wink. Kate scowled at him. Men were not her favourite creatures at the moment and this particular one seemed to be amusing himself at her expense.
"Oh, lose the phoney accent," she snapped. "You sound ridiculous." To her astonishment he threw back his head and laughed out loud.
"As smart as you are beautiful," he declared, speaking in a normal voice. "Where did Suki find you? Are you going to be working for us?"
"Working for you?" Kate echoed questioningly.
"You're a bit older than our normal girls but you've got a nice figure," he informed her, looking her up and down appraisingly. "Do you have any previous experience?"
"What kind of experience?" Kate asked, not sure if she had been insulted or complimented
"I take it you've never stripped before," he said briskly. "Some kind of dancing training always helps, or a bit of theatre work. Do you have any costumes or props with you?"
Before Kate could formulate an answer Suki interrupted them.
"Hey Steve, I see you've already met Kate. She's had a rough day and no where to stay tonight so I brought her home with me."
"You mean she's not here to work?" Steve asked.
"Of course not," Suki replied. "Don't tell me you've been wasting your world weary European aristocrat impersonation on her. Why you think that's how a strip club's owner ought to sound is beyond me."
"I tried, but she saw through it right away," he said mournfully. "And now I've probably mortally offended her so that she'll never speak to me again. I'm mortified."
Kate would have hurried to reassure him but she could see the laughter in his eyes as he hung his head.
"Do you know this play-actor, or has he just escaped from a lunatic asylum?" she asked Suki, looking down her nose at him. He threw back his head and laughed again.
"You are one smart lady," he said. "I can see it's impossible to fool you." His words immediately reminded Kate of the afternoon's revelations and she quickly turned away as tears filled her eyes. For a few moments her unusual surroundings and Steve's silliness had made her forget why she was there. She could hear Suki explaining her circumstances to Steve as she fought for composure. She braced herself for the pity in his eyes when she turned back to face him and was surprised to see anger there instead.
"There are times when I'm ashamed to be male," he declared. "What an idiot! I'll give you the number of a friend of mine who's a divorce lawyer. He's very good, and he'll make sure you get everything you're entitled to. Now let's go and see what we can find to eat."
The upstairs apartment was surprisingly bright and spacious. Soft evening sunshine fell through generous skylights in the ceiling. It was mainly open plan, and the few walls were painted bright cheerful colours. Plants were scattered around, adding to the airy feel of the apartment. Bowls of potpourri and incense burners filled the air with soft aromas. Kate took a deep breath and felt some of the tension leave her for the first time that day. Suki tossed Kate some towels and a bathrobe and directed her to the bathroom.
When she emerged, damp and refreshed, Bob Uncle's Talk Show was just starting on the TV. Steve and Suki were perched on a sofa watching it. Kate stopped in her tracks and numbly watched her face appear on the screen as the whole nightmare repeated itself. A stranger might have thought that she showed no reaction, but Kate could see how each word hurt, flaying away her self-respect and leaving her raw and exposed. She dimly heard sympathetic murmurs from Suki and Steve, but she focused on Harry's face. Not once did she see a flicker of remorse or regret on his face as he tore her world to pieces. At last it was over and she took a deep breath to compose herself. She walked forward as calmly as possible.
"I'm not surprised they cut the remark about the tacky talk show," she remarked lightly. Steve and Suki looked around with startled faces.
"Oh sweetie, I thought you were still in the shower," Suki said remorsefully. "We would have turned it off if we'd known you were there."
"Don't worry about it," Kate replied, trying to smile. "I had to see it sooner or later. Oh, look, you're on now Suki."
"Here, have a drink," Steve said, passing her a glass of wine. "You'll need it to get through Suki's performance. She makes my acting look Oscar class."
"You're just jealous that I got on TV, not you."
"Hey, I was drinking at a bar in an episode of Dallas, I'll have you know," Steve said, pretending to be indignant. As Steve and Suki tossed insults and crazy remarks at each other Kate relaxed again. Once the talk show was over they all moved into the kitchen. Kate was given a pile of carrots to peel and another bottle of wine was opened. Kate was slightly surprised to find that they were feeding everyone, not just the three of them. A big pan of pasta and a large bowl of salad were set out on a table and people drifted in and helped themselves. Kate found herself sitting on a sofa with two skimpily dressed women and a very big long-haired man who introduced himself as 'Tom the bouncer'. She was slightly surprised how commonplace their conversation was, considering their profession.
She drank more than was probably good for her, but found she was brooding about what Harry had said. She tried to dismiss his words, but it wasn't that easy. She didn't know where the idea came from, but the more she drank and the more she thought about it, the more she liked it. Draining her glass she went to find Suki and Steve. To her surprise they took a lot of convincing.
"I just don't see how stripping for a lot of strangers is going to make you feel better," Steve said again.
"I've been humiliated in front of millions of people today," Kate said. "My husband publicly said that I was less attractive naked than Debbie was fully clothed. My self-esteem needs to know if I'm really so unattractive. I could go to a bar and see how many men I could pick up, but this seems like a better way. It's a golden opportunity. I can't see why you won't let me do it."
"What if you go out there and end up making a fool of yourself?" Steve asked. "Where will your self-esteem be there?"
"I used to take dance lessons when I was at school. If you helped me, why would I make a fool of myself?" Kate asked. "Or are you trying to say that Harry was right and no one would be interested in seeing me naked?"
"No, no, of course not," Steve replied quickly. "It's just that you're such a nice lady."
"So are all of your girls that I've met tonight."
"I give up. Suki, you explain it to her," Steve said.
"I can see both sides of the argument," Suki admitted. "People who come to strip-clubs aren't usually the cream of society. But on the other hand I can see why you think it would help your self-esteem. There's a unique feeling walking down the stage with loads of men willing to pay money just to see you naked."
"So you'll let me do it?" Kate asked.
"I think we should go downstairs to see if we can put a routine together for you. If we manage to produce something that looks professional enough, I don't see why not." Elated, Kate ignored Steve's disapproving look and headed downstairs.
Several hours later, when the club's doors opened, Kate was extremely excited. Some unusual muscles were aching a bit but she was eager to perform. She had been extremely self-conscious at first, but Suki and the rest of the girls were encouraging and helped her relax. Suki had found a lovely costume for her that included a mask to conceal her identity. The mask had been Steve's idea. After the talk show, there were a couple of journalists in and a bigger crowd than normal.
Kate was standing in the wings waiting for her turn to go on when Suki found her.
"Kate, I have to tell you something that might change your mind about performing tonight," she said. "Tom handed out discounted tickets at the TV studio. Your husband and his floozy are out front. She's not looking too thrilled, but he's having a fine old time. Maybe you shouldn't go out there."
Kate laughed recklessly. "But that's perfect. No one is going to recognise me in this mask. At least I'll find out if he really finds me so unattractive."
"I think it's a bad idea," Suki insisted.
"Too late now," Kate replied as she heard the first few bars of her music. Steve's voice, with its fake accent, echoed over the loud speaker system.
"Tonight, we have the privilege of presenting a very special entertainer, La Incognita."
Moving to the stately beat of the music, Kate stalked forward, her skirt swishing behind her. Her hair was piled on top of her head and secured with a couple of ostrich feathers. Her dress was a version of an old-fashioned ball-gown. She had high heels on her feet, long gloves buttoned up to her elbows and a parasol resting on her shoulder. The mask slightly distorted her view, giving a feeling of unreality to everything. The lights blazing up at her made it difficult to see beyond the stage so she concentrated on her routine. The parasol was tossed aside and she struck a pose as the music slowed to a long drawn out note. Slowly she raised her hands and unbuttoned her gloves, dropping them behind her. The beat of the music quickened as she plucked the feathers out of her hair and began unhooking her bodice. She gave a shrug of her shoulders and the dress slid down to pool at her feet.
Clad only in thigh high stockings, a g-string and a tight bodice she began to move to the beat as the music segued into an Eurythmics number. Her mind fractured into pieces. One part was completely freaked out, unable to believe that she was stripping her clothes off in front of an audience. Another part was close to hysterics, convinced she was going to make a fool of herself. Another section was overwhelmed by the reaction of the audience. But mainly she was concentrating on remembering her routine, being pushed along by the beat of the music. Gyrating around the perimeter of the stage she could now catch glimpses of the audience. A feeling of pure feminine power filled her as she heard the men shouting and chanting as she removed her bodice.
Spreading her legs, she bent from her waist, grasped her ankles and jiggled, smiling to herself as men cheered. She dropped to her knees and began crawling around the edge of the platform. Men were reaching out and tucking notes into her stocking tops and g-string. She was wriggling along on her back when she spotted Harry. He was leaning forward, eagerly waving notes in her direction. She rolled over and sat in front of him, arching her back to thrust her breasts forward. He grinned as he tucked notes into her stocking top on the inside of her thigh. Kate could just glimpse Debbie sat behind Harry looking bored. She pouted at him and kicked her legs apart as she rolled onto her stomach. Debbie leant forward and tried to say something to Harry, but he just snapped back at her and went back to gaping at the naked flesh before him. Kate sat up and bent over backwards away from him and couldn't help smirking to herself as he pushed more notes into her g-string. The music built to a climax and she danced back into the centre of the stage, twirling around the pole as the music ended.
The lights died and she gathered up her costume and ran backstage. Elated, she enfolded first Suki, then Steve, into a hug, before collapsing breathless into a chair.
"That was amazing!" Kate gasped. "Absolutely unbelievable."
"Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it," Suki said, laughing at her. "Now give me that costume and get out of here, we've got work to do."
"Come on," Steve said, taking her arm. "Why don't you use the upstairs bathroom? You're all hot and sweaty." Slightly deflated. Kate trailed up the stairs behind him. When they got upstairs, Steve disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a glass of water.
"Here, drink this," he said, giving it to Kate. Suddenly aware how little she was wearing, Kate tried to keep her arms in front of her breasts as she accepted the drink. Steve noticed her gesture and couldn't help smiling.
"Now you're embarrassed?" he asked sardonically. "I thought the whole point was for men to appreciate your naked body." Kate gave him a weak smile and huddled in a chair. "So did it work? Is your self-esteem sky high now?"
"Kind of," Kate replied. "It's a great feeling to have all those men paying good money just to see my naked body. Look at all this! Two hundred of this was from Harry, can you believe that?"
"So now you're happy?" Steve asked.
"Well, happier than I was before," Kate answered. "You don't seem very happy though."
"I just find it sad that such a lovely and charming woman can only find self-respect by stripping her clothes off," he said, shrugging.
"That's a bit strange coming from you, isn't it?" Kate asked.
"Most of the girls here are working their way through college or really need the money to support their kids. Suki and I provide a safe environment for them. I'm a failed actor, much as it pains me to admit it. Suki stripped to pay her way through college and then found she couldn't get a decent job when she finished," Steve explained. "Everyone here knows exactly why they are here, for the money. It's just a commercial transaction, pure and simple. But it's completely different for you. I don't understand why you felt you had to strip tonight or what it achieved."
Kate flopped back in her chair and stared fixedly at the ceiling. "Try to imagine how it feels when the one and only person you've had a relationship with, who you loved and trusted and were intimate with, tells the whole world that you are unattractive. That, even naked, no one would find you sexy. Try to imagine that. The only man who's seen me naked doesn't think it's that great a sight. I needed to know if I'm really so unsexy. I just needed to know."
"You could have just asked me," Steve said softly. Startled, Kate sat up and stared at him. "For what it's worth, I think you're one of the sexiest women I've met in a long time. And I thought that before you took any clothes off."
Kate blushed. "You did?" she asked, hesitantly.
"Yes, I did. Not that you don't have a lovely body," Steve told her intently. "But that's not what attracted me. It was the way you laughed at my accent. The dignity in the way you coped with that talk show. The way you listened to me. They're the things that made you sexy."
Kate sat forward. "You think I'm sexy?" she whispered.
"Very," he whispered back, leaning forward until their lips met. Kate lent further forward, losing herself in the kiss. The soft touch of his mouth and the gentle probing of his tongue sent warm ripples through her body. Forgetting how she was positioned, she leant too far forward and tumbled off her chair to land sprawling on top of Steve. The kiss was broken and she couldn't help laughing at herself. She had forgotten she was naked until Steve ran his hands across her skin. She bit her lip and tried not to gasp when his hands found her breasts. When his mouth joined his hands, she forgot about self-control and gave herself up to the sensations shimmering along her nerve endings.
Kate closed her eyes, abandoning herself to the feelings churning through her body. She was considerably startled when Steve suddenly stopped and pushed her away. She opened her eyes and looked at him, trembling. He was flushed and breathing hard.
"Let's just stop a moment," he said slowly. "Much as I'd like to continue with this, it's probably a mistake."
Kate huddled back into her chair, feeling ashamed and humiliated.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, blinking back tears. Steve sighed.
"You've nothing to be sorry for," Steve reassured her. "We both deserve something better than a quick one night stand. I don't want to be some guilty memory, something you're ashamed of."
"I wouldn't..." Kate began.
"Oh, you would," Steve interrupted. "Neither do I want to be just another thing to boost your self-esteem."
"I didn't plan this," Kate murmured.
"I know, sweetheart. In another time and another place there's nothing I'd like more than to make love to you. I'd like to think that we may meet up sometime in the future and maybe something would develop."
Kate smiled weakly. "I'd like to think that too. And you're right, we would have been doing all the right things for all the wrong reasons. I just feel so lost."
"Want to talk about it?" he asked softly.
She started to say no but somehow she found herself talking and just couldn't stop. Steve held her and listened as she told him about her life. She told him everything, the good times and the bad. All the good things she had done and all the bad. She exposed herself to him in a way she had never done to anyone, not her husband or her best friend. At the end she felt drained, but at peace for the first time in years.
Steve reached over to get some tissues and tenderly wiped the tear traces from her face.
"Thanks Steve," she said.
"You're welcome," he said. "Of course I'll have to send you my dry-cleaning bill. Salt water and silk don't mix. Hey, I got a smile. And you do have a wonderful smile."
"Does flattery come naturally to you or did you take a course?" Kate asked, smiling even more.
"Just a natural talent. So, how are you feeling now?"
"Better, much better. I just don't know where I go from here," Kate admitted. "For the past ten years I've been Harry's wife. Before that I was trying to get married. I was approaching thirty, all my friends were married and I was the only one left. So I was real grateful when Harry came along and was interested in me. Now I'm wondering if the only reason I married Harry was because I wanted to marry someone, anyone. We didn't really have that much in common. But all I've done for the last ten years is be a housewife. If I'm not Harry's wife, I don't know who I am anymore."
"You can be whoever you want to be," Steve told her.
"You think?" Kate asked.
"Yep. But you have to think that too," Steve said earnestly. "You don't need a man to define you or male approval to give you self-esteem. All you need is to believe in yourself."
"You sound like one of those new-age feminists," Kate said.
"Hey, they talk a lot of sense," Steve retorted. "Well, sometimes."
"I suppose so," Kate admitted. "You know, I always wanted to be a nurse. I've done some St John Ambulance courses and I loved it."
"So go for it," Steve encouraged her. "With the money you get from the divorce settlement go back and do the necessary training."
"I could, couldn't I," Kate said thoughtfully.
"Of course you can. But save a little of the money for a vacation out here. I'd really like to see you again.
"I will," Kate said. "I'd like to see you again too. And if I run out of money, I can always do a bit of stripping on the side."
Copyright Vickie Morgan, March 1999
I started this story with the idea of having an ordainary respectable housewife performing as a stripper. I wanted to come up with a plausibile reason for her to do such a thing. I did think I might have made my main character's reactions to her situation a little far fetched, but I got a surprising amount of feedback from women who had gone through a similar experience saying I was spot on. I guess it's pretty obvious that I don't think much of chatshows, but I think that the reviewers were quite correct that some of my descriptions were too much, having the chatshow host slavering, for instance. I'm pretty happy with this story, and it has some of my favourite characters in it.
Let me know what you think
Vickie Morgan
