Age 11 - Summer 1966

Small town in New England

Living with Mom and one brother

* * *

I was use to spending the summers to myself. I wasn’t very close to any of my siblings and the only brother still at home was a year and a half older than me and only wanted me around to hit on me or abuse me in some way. Eventually he would become one of my “teachers” in raising me to be the person I am today. I never really stood a chance at growing up normal, nor was anyone really watching to see, or caring. As I see my life coming to an end I feel this need to relieve my conscience of the many sexual experiences that have lead to my being less than the person I should have become. I relive many of the events I intend to chronicle in these chaptered writings daily and have come to view them as pleasant sexual experiences rather than the abuse, and often times raping, that they would be referred to by today’s standards. As the people that read them most likely will view them as probably good masturbatory reading, remember, this is a work of pure truth. Why I’m writing them I’m not really sure. Perhaps I want people in some obscure way to just “know”. So here I go……..

My first sexual experience came as what we termed back then as “getting queer”. I was walking up to the store a half mile from my house as was very common for me to do. I ran into this 16 year old neighbor of mine that normally wouldn’t say a word to me other than to say something belligerent. On this day he asked me if I wanted to buy this bike he was selling and said I could pay for it a little at a time. Since my family had sold the only bike I had a couple of years earlier when we moved out of state I jumped at the mere chance at getting another one. There was no way my mom could have afforded to get me one, so I had to check it out.

The guys name was Kenny, and we walked back to his house to look at it. He was actually a neighbor that only lived a couple of blocks away from me. It was in his garage and worked fine, but was too small for him anymore. I kept asking him how much he wanted for it and he would change the subject. The only money I could see coming in the future would be if I got a paper route which I had been working towards getting for quite a while. Living in a small town you had to wait for one paperboy to quit before you got a chance. Kenny said if I really wanted it that I could take it with me, but that I needed to promise two things. First was that no one would ever know the real price, and second, I had to promise to pay as expected. He said the magic words and I agreed as long as I could afford it. I remember being so excited at finally having a bike again. He wheeled the bike to the door and shut it after looking around a bit. Then he came back to me and said that the first payment was due now.

His garage was full of storage and was rather large and he told me to follow him. As he led me around the piles of junk I started getting a bit worried about what he had in mind. He turned to me and said that I had already accepted the deal and if I didn’t do as I was told that he would tell everyone in our little town that I did anyway. He grabbed my arm and pulled me toward him and grabbed my crotch. I was totally scared being the first time anyone had ever done anything like this, but his hand rubbing my crotch was exciting to me. I figured that he just wanted to play with me and I thought that was okay because it felt good and he had made a point of saying that the “price” had to be kept secret. Living in a very small town, a young boy had to be careful about being labeled as queer, so him wanting this to be secret made me feel very safe in that respect. After a while he pushed his hand into my pants and underwear and fingered my little pecker. His hand felt so huge on my tiny attribute and with him holding me in place with his other hand I felt like I simply had no other choice than to let him enjoy himself.

Then he undid the front of his pants and told me to grab his cock. I figured it would be okay since he had mine in his hand and I had been wondering what sex was all about anyway. He started telling me just how to handle it and that I was about to give him his first payment. I remember being so amazed at the size of it and the thick hair he had already. My equipment hadn’t started to grow in size yet and I was still bald as a jay bird. I did get very hard little erections and leak a bit, but didn’t have any understanding about what was really going on. I pretty much enjoyed rubbing his cock and balls and exploring a “big” guy, but he had much more in mind. After a couple of minutes he told me to suck on it a little. At that time in history, and being just 11 years old, I knew if I sucked on his cock that I could get labeled a cock sucker and in a small town would never live it down. I said no to him several times and finally he said I had no choice. I told him of my fears of being labeled and he said that’s why he said no one could ever know the real price. Besides, he wouldn’t say a word to anyone if I did it, but would lie and tell everyone that I did and wouldn’t give me the bike either if I didn’t.

I still didn’t trust him and kept saying no, but he got progressively more aggressive about his desire and started to force me to my knees. He grabbed me by my hair really hard and rubbed the tip of his cock against my lips. His pre-cum was wetting my lips and I refused to open despite how much my hair being pulled hurt. I remember seeing his cock going back and forth before my eyes and seeing a circumcised cock for the first time. He had no idea just how much at that time I would have loved to open my mouth and voluntarily taste his cock, but was so damned scared of that “label”. Finally he threatened to beat me up and got really mad. He demanded that I open my mouth and suck on it and slapped me across the face. That did it I guess. I opened my mouth and he slid it in and told me to suck on the head. I started to cry a bit and he told me to shut up and to just give him a blowjob so we could leave.

He held my head in place with both hands and kept telling me every little thing he wanted me to do. He started pushing it into my mouth way too deep for my comfort and I was really getting scared with his anger and wondered if this really hard cock pushing into my mouth so hard could physically hurt me. Kenny promised that if I would stop fighting and do as I was told that he would go easier on me. I shook my head as best as I could to agree and he slowly let go of my head. He told me to keep sucking it in as deep as I could and to keep my lips tight and my teeth apart. As I realized that I was now that dreaded “label” I feared so much, I started crying as I did as I was told. He seemed to really like the way I was doing it and let me know that the better I did it, the quicker it would be over. I had no idea what he meant, because I didn’t no about coming. As he leaned back against some boxes behind him, I got embarrassed when I realized I was struggling forward to keep his cock from falling out of my mouth. I felt like I was on a leash and being tested to see if I would be obedient. Then he started laughing a bit and I thought about how weird that was since he had just been so upset with me. I struggled to look up at him and he was bent to one side looking at my crotch. That’s when I learned for the first time that I had a particular weakness. He told me that as much as I pretended not to want to be doing this that my pecker had given me away. He informed me that if I was as upset as I was acting that my pecker wouldn’t be so hard. It was hard because I really liked what was happening to me. I protested that fact and he grabbed my head again in both hands and said how much he was going to enjoy this. While trying to keep him from pushing in too deep by pushing his hips with my hands, I became aware that he might just be right. My little erection was swaying with every jolting movement and felt so good being naked down there while being forced to do this.

Just as I was thinking about how my mouth was really starting to hurt he held my head tighter and I could feel his legs stiffen and felt really hard. As I looked up as best as I could while getting my mouth pumped full of his cock I realized his eyes were closed and he looked so fixed on what he was doing. Then I thought that I had to spit because of all the spit that had gathered in my mouth, but it felt weird and warm. He opened his eyes and slowed his pushing to just long thrusts into my mouth as deep as he could get it. He had such a devilish smile on his face and suddenly I realized that my mouth wasn’t filled up with spit. Being a dumb and naïve 11 year old I thought that he had pissed in my mouth and struggled to get away from him. I remember trying to get his cock out of my mouth by pushing it away with my tongue, but it just kept going from side to side. As I struggled his come leaked out of my mouth and started dribbling down my chin and onto my shirt. He started to pull away from me and I spit his come out right off. He got really mad at me again for making a mess of his crotch and grabbed my hair and pulled me back and said to lick his come off of his cock and balls. Then Kenny taught me my first lesson about being a good cock sucker; never leave the guy messy. You can swallow it, or spit it out, but never leave a guy with a messy cock to put away.

He told me to get up and to pull my pants up as he pulled himself back together. Now he let me know the deal. He told me I could take the bike now, that I should say it cost $20, and if I ever told anyone what he had just done to me that he would beat the shit out of me. He had no idea how happy I was that he was worried that I might tell someone, because that meant to me that he wasn’t going to tell anyone for sure. I asked him what he did in my mouth and he looked confused. He asked if I meant coming in my mouth and I said whatever he did and asked if he had pissed in my mouth. That’s when I learned about guys coming for the first time. I was told that girls would usually just swallow it and that it wouldn’t hurt me. I thought the tingling sensation was from all the hard pounding he had done on my mouth or the slap across the face. It was several weeks later and probably the third time I sucked a guy off before I realized it was the guys come that actually tingled.

As I road the bike home I was torn between how cool it was to finally have a bike, would Kenny actually keep what he had made me do a secret, and how wild it was that I had given a guy a blow job, especially since I was away from him and safe. When I got home I went inside to my bedroom and shoved my hand down my pants and rubbed myself as I thought about it all. My final thoughts were that it wasn’t as bad as kids said about sucking a guy’s cock, and that I could feel pretty safe that Kenny wasn’t ever going to tell anyone.

But the one thing I never thought about till a few days later was - what next? I couldn’t ride the bike because it got a flat the first day. So when I was walking around the neighborhood I ran into Kenny in front of his house. He asked about it and I told him about the flat and he said he thought he had another tube in the garage. He said to follow him and quite wearily I followed him to the garage but stayed outside. When he came back out he had a tube and asked if I ever fixed a flat. I said no, so he said to go get the bike and he would show me how. I thought that was a pretty cool offer and ran home and got back in just a few minutes. As he showed me how to do it, he was asking questions about if I told anyone about the other day and I swore I would never. After all, I pointed out that I didn’t want to be known as a blow boy. He started asking what I thought about it afterwards and I said it was really nasty. Especially that last part.

When the bike was done I was about to leave for the gas station to pump up the tire when Kenny said lets go into the garage. As much as he had just helped me out I was really afraid of being in that position again. That’s when he pointed out to me that the bike wasn’t paid for yet. The first blow job was just the down payment and that I had a couple of payments to go. I said no way and that I wasn’t ever doing that again. He grabbed the bike and said he was taking it back then and asked how I would explain it to my mom and brother. After a couple of minutes I finally agreed to go inside. We went to the back of the garage again and he pushed his hands into my pants and felt that I was already hard. He pushed my pants down and started teasing me about it and how I really wanted to do this and pushed me down to my knees. I was instructed to take his pants down and started doing it. It was so weird taking a guys pants down that first time. And looking into the future it still is a very wild feeling when to this day I’m ordered to prepare the guy I’m about to suck off. After I got his underwear down I hesitated. I knew I wanted to get “forced” to give the payment so I could deny wanting to do it. He realized my hesitation and started getting aggressive, saying that I had no choice. He grabbed my hair and held his hardon to my lips until I was coerced into opening my mouth. All the time I was sucking on him he taunted me with his impending come. He reminded me not to make a mess or to leave him messy. I started pulling my mouth off his cock and begging him not to do it in my mouth. He said it wasn’t a real blowjob if he didn’t. He kept telling me to just swallow it because it wouldn’t hurt me. The thought of doing that really scared the hell out of me. That was about the nastiest thing I could ever think of doing at that time. I had no idea at the time that in just a short ten years I would actually be in a drunken state in the middle of four biker guys drinking from a shot glass the come I had just been made to gather from them.

When he was ready to shoot his come into my mouth he grabbed my head really hard so I couldn’t get away and pushed his cock to the back of my throat and held still. Before I realized that this was the normal thing he would do when coming, he had already dumped most of it in the back of my throat. He kept telling me to swallow it now and my eyes watered up and I started crying a little because I really didn’t want too. But he had it in just the right place and I realized that I had swallowed a little bit without noticing while just trying to breath. I did try to hold it in my mouth this time to keep from making a mess. And when he finally was done with me and pulled out I turned and spit it out on the floor. Again he grabbed my hair and said to clean him up and with my mouth. I did it and spit on the floor again.

As we walked to the front, he said we had to get some things straight. He told me the debt would be over when he decided it was paid off, especially since the “payments” only took a few minutes each time. I protested, but had no standing in the matter. I finally said okay, but begged him to just not come in my mouth anymore and he just laughed. He told me that for now on when I was told it was time that I had better just do it or he might have to let it slip out to some of my friends. He also threatened me that if I kept protesting that he might just fuck me like a girl. I wasn’t sure what he meant by that but knew I didn’t want to find out.

Over the next month I had to give him a blowjob about every week. Then one day I saw him and he was with his 15 year old cousin. He stopped me and since someone was with him I figured I was safe from his crotch. He introduced me to his cousin Bobby and told me they were going to this fort some kids had built out in the woods. I was invited along and since they were the older guys I thought it was pretty cool being asked to hang out with them. They said to drop off the bike and meet them down at the edge of the woods. While dropping off the bike I thought about the cousin and was torn between whether this was going to be something different then they proclaimed or if our secret was out. But so far Kenny hadn’t lied to me and the only places we ever screwed around was in his house or garage. I felt pretty safe!

I met them a few minutes later and we trucked up this hill and through the woods until we found the place. Someone had left a stash of sodas there in the stream next to the fort. As we sat around drinking the sodas Kenny told me that Bobby knew about our little secret. He said he owed him $10 from the last time he came over to visit and had to tell him to make up for it. I didn’t realize at the time, but just telling him wasn’t paying him back. I was supposed to pay him back. I tried to deny knowing anything that Kenny was saying, and kept calling him a liar. After a bit of that he started getting mad and the two boys grabbed my arms and dragged me inside the fort. Bobby wanted to have a look at me and they fought with me to get all my clothes off. I got so fucking scared being totally exposed out there in the woods and with two guys there. I started wondering what it was going to be like. Since I had no clothes on I knew I was going to have to suck them both off. They both held me on the floor and lay next to me while they played with my pecker and balls. They belittled my size and lack of hair. This was very embarrassing for me because Kenny never made fun of me before, but with another guy there he felt obliged I guess. Before long I was made to open each of their pants and to pull out their cocks. At first I was instructed that to be allowed to put my clothes back on that I had to “service” them. ( A very new word for me.) I was told to jerk them off a bit. Then the most embarrassing part (so far) happened. I was told to pick which guy I would service first. To me this was like saying I wanted to do it and that I liked one guy better than the other. At first I refused to pick and finally decided to stop wasting time and just start on Kenny so I could get my clothes back

Kenny wasn’t much of a surprise. Bobby kept saying how I had gotten pretty good at sucking cock and couldn’t wait for his turn. He went nuts when Kenny tensed up and shot his come into my mouth. He watched as I spit it out and as I had learned, went back to clean him up. Bobby went nuts when he saw that. He told me that unlike Kenny, I would have no choice but to swallow his come. If I dropped any in the dirt that they would make me eat it off the ground.

I balked at that and didn’t want to start on the cousin but he grabbed my arm and pulled me over to his crotch and hit me in the back of the head until I sucked him into my mouth. His cock wasn’t as thick as Kenny’s, but was a bit longer and even stiffer. Bobby was from a city and seemed to know more about what to do with a blow boy as he kept calling me. He talked about teaching me to deep throat and trying out my pussy. I had no idea what he was talking about. He sat on the floor leaning against the wall and held my head pretty tightly. Kenny pointed out that my pecker was very hard and they talked about how I was loving this. Bobby asked me if I wanted to get my pussy fucked. I thought I had none and said so and no, I didn’t. He started talking about how they could do it so easily and I would learn something new. I kept going up and down on his cock shaking my head no. I still had no idea what he meant until he asked me how I would like having him shove his cock up my ass and to make me squeal like a girl would.

I yanked my head back and stated “no way.” Taking my mouth away wasn’t a good idea. Bobby got pissed and said I was going to do whatever they said and grabbed me by the hair and pulled me back to his crotch. As I went back to work on his cock he started describing what it would be like and how they could just bend me over the window sill to put me in the right position. As I was thinking and getting worried about that, Bobby grabbed my head real hard by my hair and pushed his cock up into my mouth. I was gagging and had tears in my eyes. I thought he was trying to suffocate me until I felt him coming. I fought like hell to get away from his cock. He had it all the way to the back of my mouth and right in the center. He started slapping the back of my head and demanding that I swallow it all. I couldn’t breath and wasn’t use to being fed come this way. I started swallowing out of reflex trying to get air. Kenny finally told him to let me breathe and he let go. I gagged and choked trying to get his come out of my throat. He just cheerfully told Kenny that that was the way you fed come to a blow boy. He grabbed my hair and reminded me about my clean up duties. I reluctantly cleaned him off but when I went to spit it out he got pissed and demanded I swallow the little bit I had cleaned off of him. He was so pissed that I just looked at Kenny and decided I had to swallow or chance getting smacked around.

I asked for my clothes back, but Bobby said he didn’t think that one blowjob was worth $10 and said he thought they were owed another. I had never sucked two guys off before and now he was saying I was going to have to give four blowjobs in a row. I said there was no way I could do that. Bobby assured me there was an easy little trick to it and that he would show me. I swore I wouldn’t swallow anymore of his come and he assured me I wouldn’t have to do it next time as long as I was good about it. After sitting there talking for a while about how much fun Kenny had had with me and would be having in the future the subject went back to fucking my pussy. I got scared at the thought of Bobby doing that to me, but wasn’t really worried about Kenny much even though he had a thicker cock. I had come to trust Kenny to not hurt me. He could get demanding, and would slap me now and then, but I sort of started viewing that as just the right amount of incentive to do what I knew deep down I really wanted to do anyway. Bobby started to tell me how simple it would be for me to let them fuck me instead of having to suck them off again. He described how I could just lay over the window sill and they would do all the work. When I said there was no way that their cocks would fit in my ass, Bobby demanded that as their blow boy I must always refer to my ass as a pussy. I restated it and Bobby assured me they would fit easily. Then to my horror, Bobby pointed at my pecker and pointed out how hard I was just from talking about it. That was it! Bobby reached over and grabbed my hair and pulled me to his crotch and told me he had what a good little cock sucker like me needed and fed me his cock again. After bobbing up and down on him a bit I reminded him that he said I didn’t have to swallow this time. He readily agreed. But while I was going to town on him he must have been signaling Kenny his intentions.

After he got really hard he told me to get his cock really wet and slippery. I didn’t know why, but did it. He told Kenny it was time and Kenny and Bobby each grabbed an arm and brought me to the window. I started freaking out knowing what they had in mind. Bobby slapped me in the back of the head a few times until I quieted down. He pushed my top half out the window and I pushed against the wall to keep from going out. I started crying like crazy begging them not to do that to me. I promised they could do anything else. I promised them excellent blowjobs. I even said I would do them as often as they wanted. Instead Bobby slid behind me and got between my legs. I wasn’t smart enough to even try to keep my legs together. He slapped my ass really hard and told me to spread my cheeks. I said I couldn’t through my sobbing, because I would fall. He said I wouldn’t and slapped me hard again. I tried to balance myself quickly and reached back and spread my cheeks for him before another slap. I was crying so hard, my tears were running down my forehead because my top half was upside down. I begged Kenny to help me, but Bobby said he would have to wait his turn.

As Bobby pushed at my ass with his cock, I started thinking that he wouldn’t be able to get it into me. He proved to me this wasn’t his first time doing this to a boy though. When he couldn’t get me relaxed enough for him to gain entry, he diverted my attention with a really hard slap on my ass cheek. As I squealed in pain he immediately pushed his cock into me. It hurt so bad I couldn’t make a sound and stopped crying for a moment. He held still realizing that I was trying to get relaxed so it wouldn’t hurt as much. He kept saying to relax and I begged him to take it out or hold still. He just started pushing in deeper and then started the fucking motion. I finally starting crying again not being able to speak words anymore. I heard Kenny telling him to go easy on me and Bobby said he knew what he was doing. Looking back at it after I knew more about male to male fucking I realize that Bobby did probably take my “pussy” that day better than he could have. He never did pump me really hard or fast. When my crying subsided a bit he asked if I wanted to make it hurt a little less. I said yes of course and he stopped pumping my pussy and told me to fuck him that that would help loosen my hole. He was actually right. But damn, I felt so humiliated hanging out this window with a guys cock up my ass and here I was actually pushing my ass onto his cock.

As he was getting ready to come he started hurting again and I started crying again. He made me say to him that I wanted him to fuck my pussy over and over between my sobs. And he made me tell Kenny that he was next and that I wanted him to fuck my pussy so bad. I screamed in pain when he pushed in farther than he had been to dump his load of come up my ass. I thought as with my mouth he would just pull it out, but instead he stood there a minute feeling himself in my ass. He made me promise not to move and to just lay there and wait for Kenny. I promised and he pulled away. I’ll never forget the feeling of his come dribbling down my legs just laying there for Kenny to get into position. I realize now that if I stood up Kenny probably would have let me go, but just laying there with my pussy in perfect position for him and waiting was an invitation that couldn’t be passed up. He was nice to me though and getting into me was easier than I thought it would be. He was a little wider than his cousin but not as long. Still, I started crying when it actually started in and didn’t really stop until I was allowed to stand up and get dressed. I must have blown his mind a bit, because to get the pain to go away, I started pushing against him without having to be told. And knowing more about his cock I had a better idea of how to get him off quicker.

Bobby pushed me against the wall and gave me warnings to never tell anyone. Like I would admit to that back then. He also told me that now that I know how to use my pussy that it was open territory for Kenny whenever he wanted to take it.

Later that day Kenny and I talked and I can’t believe it, but I thanked him for going easier on me than his cousin. Like I didn’t realize that he had traded me off to his cousin for a few bucks. He went easy on me for a couple of weeks, until I decided I wanted to give him a blowjob again. I wanted to so badly that I decided that if he really wanted to, I was going to make it easy for him to feed me his come. I still couldn’t do it on my own, so I coyly let him know the option was available. I told him I wanted the bike paid off and that was what I would offer him. But that I couldn’t just let him. That was the first time I ever allowed a guy to know it was alright to feed me his come, he just had to hold me in place so I couldn’t get away from his spewing cock.

I went back to sucking Kenny’s cock about once a week. He still knew I was a blow boy now and I had to keep him happy to keep him from revealing my secret. And I never said he could force feed me his come anymore, but he started to regularly. I would fight like hell to stop him sometimes, but he learned how to get me to do it and I never really complained, so he felt free to do it. Just before the end of summer Bobby came back for a visit. I got conned by Kenny into going back to the fort and after I got inside Bobby showed up. He put me through hell again, but I had let Kenny fuck me twice over the summer and it was getting easier. He was rough though and seemed to get off on getting me to cry. Kenny seemed to enjoy that too. That was quite a summer and my first major lessons at being a boy toy for guys. I got caught up by my landlord just after summer because he caught Kenny and I leaving my house one day and saw a blob of his come on my shirt.