Age 11 - Summer 1966

Small town in New England

Living with Mom and one brother

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Our landlord was probably in his mid thirties and was an Italian/French mix. He had married a French Canadian woman and had three kids. He lived downstairs and we lived upstairs. All his kids were under 8 years old and since I was so handy and with no life, I became their babysitter right from the beginning. We had moved in January and by spring I was babysitting for them about every other weekend. The guy, Paul, was a pretty avid drinker and would usually come home pretty wasted. He ran the local Boys Club (membership about 10 kids) and taught us boxing and basketball and would take us running at night for training. It had to be at night after he got off work. There would normally be at least 3 or 4 of us kids that would run with him. I never had any reason to worry about him until one fateful night when we went jogging. What brought that night about was an incident a couple of days earlier when he saw Kenny and me leaving my house and he stopped to talk to us for a minute. I noticed that he got a strange look on his face before hopping into his car and leaving. Kenny pointed out that there was a huge glob of his cum on the bottom of my shirt from the blowjob I had just given him and we wondered if he had seen it.

On this particular night out running I noticed that instead of the bigger guys all taking off and running ahead of me like usual, Paul feigned a sore foot and lingered behind with me. As we got out of town and ran through the darkest portions of the jogging route Paul started asking if I had been messing around with his kids. I proclaimed no way! That’s when he admitted that he had seen the come on my shirt earlier in the week. He told me how it got him thinking and that he had asked his kids about my behavior towards them. All I could do was deny everything. Finally he told me about his oldest saying how we had fooled around one time in their shed and we had tasted each others peckers. Paul said it wasn’t right and that I should never ever touch his kids again. He demanded I agree and I did, trying not to admit that it had actually ever happened.

About this time we were next to a train loading depot for a local company and there was a side dirt road leading into the darkness behind the business. He grabbed my arm and led me down the road and into the darkness. He said he wanted to talk further, but I had a pretty good idea what he had in mind. I was shaking out of fear over this guy’s age and size and that he knew my mother well. And that’s the way he started. He asked what my mother would think if he told her what I had done. I started lightly begging him not to get me in trouble and promised that that was the only time anything happened and that it would never happen again. He asked to come clean on the come on my shirt he had seen. I told him that Kenny had made me do it to him and lied saying it that just that one time. That’s when Paul grabbed me by the shoulder and pushed me to my knees. He pulled his running trunks down over his cock, which looked huge to me. Much bigger than the boys I had been sucking on through out the summer. He pushed it to my mouth and said to open. I felt like I was over a very large barrel and complied. I only took the head of it into my mouth because it was so wide. And he was leaking pre cum quite a bit. I remember tasting it right off for some dumb reason. He kept asking questions about my sexual history and how many guys I’d done and I was lying about everything, except his kids, which was true. He was definitely on a mission with my mouth and knew exactly what he wanted from me. As I held my hands on the front of his legs to control how much of his cock he put into my mouth I felt the feeling of his legs shuddering and getting hard as a rock and knew he was getting ready to come. I had no idea where he was going to shoot it, but thought that he would pull out for some reason. I was seriously worried about having him come in my mouth. I thought that since this was the first man I had ever sucked off that he might have a huge amount of come and would choke me with it. As he started to come, he pulled almost out of my mouth but ordered me to catch it. Up to this point guys only told me to swallow it and would usually push in deeper when they came. I caught most of it, only letting a little of it dribble out over my chin. It was so much runnier and more bitter than what the two other guys had always deposited in my mouth. When he was done he said I could spit and I turned and spit it out onto the ground without moving from my spot between his legs. Force of habit had taken over and I just did as normal and turned back to him and sucked his cock into my mouth again to clean him up. I realized something was wrong and struggled to look up to see his face which was much harder that in the past with the size of his cock in my mouth. He let me finish licking him clean and I turned to spit the last bit of his come out. As he helped me stand up he called me a liar and went on to point out that if I had only sucked off one guy one time, why did I so easily go back to his cock to clean him up. He hadn’t told me or expected me to do that, but pointed out that is was pretty good evidence that I had blown cocks a lot more than I had admitted. I couldn’t believe that I gave myself away that easily. I just remembered the first lesson about sucking a guy’s cock - never leave the guy a mess.

We had to hurry up so the other guys wouldn’t get too suspicious about where we were and what was taking so long. As we got to the stretch before our house we started walking and Paul made believe he had to limp home because his foot hurt too much. All the way home he had been telling me why I wouldn’t be telling anyone about sucking him off and readily agreed. I had just started playing with myself about that time and that night I rubbed myself while falling asleep thinking about how I had just sucked on a mans cock and got him off in my mouth. Strangely, I was pleased with myself for having gotten him off so well and so quick. I felt like I had “done good”. A feeling that I was quickly becoming desirous of when it came to servicing a guy. I also wondered about the future… would he make a habit of staying behind on jogging nights and make me suck him off every time, or was this just a lesson to teach me the rules about his kids. He didn’t have to worry about them. Having to give him a blowjob certainly scared me straight in that area.

The next day he was loading his car (he was salesman) and I saw him out the window. I had to find out what the situation was, whether I had to fear him or just be weary of him, so I went outside and down the stairs to walk past him. He stopped me and made a bit of small talk and looking around to see if anyone was watching, asked me inside to talk about the night before.

We stood in his kitchen as he started to grill me with questions about if I was going to keep quiet, how often I had really blown Kenny, and how many other guys I had sucked off. I kept saying that I wouldn’t tell anyone and that I wasn’t going to say anything about anyone else. He really liked that because it showed him that I wasn’t about to tell on him. Strangely, I never realized back then that if I told on anyone that it would be they who got in real trouble, not me. I was always so afraid that I would go through such hell if anyone found out.

That’s about the time that Paul asked me just how much I liked sucking cock, pointing out how I apparently had no problem either letting a guy come in my mouth, nor cleaning him up after he was finished with me. I finally admitted that I had giving a few blowjobs that summer but wouldn’t say to whom and that it wasn’t really as bad as kids made it seem to be. Obviously his next question was how I liked doing it to him. I said it was really scary because he was so much older and bigger than me, but that at least he hadn’t gagged me. He asked if I ever swallowed any come and I said no. Once again I was told that I could and that that was the ultimate ending in giving a guy head. I remember that some of the terms he used were so different from kids my age. That’s when he made his move. He put his arm around me and said he thought I needed a reminder to stay away from his kids. I certainly didn’t, but I noticed that I really didn’t mind walking with him to his bedroom. This big guys arm engulfing me made me feel really needed, like I was being so good to comply with his wishes.

Paul walked me into his bedroom and dropped his pants. He told me to pull his underwear down and to kneel between his legs. Seeing his cock fall out and right before me got me so fucking horny. The night before I couldn’t see too much and was rather excited at just how a real mans cock looked, especially when it was in my face and I was expected to service it. I acted a little coy and made him tell me everything to do so I wouldn’t look eager. But after thinking about him the night before while falling asleep, I pretty much was going to let him have his way with me. Except, fucking my “pussy”. If it hurt so badly when the boys did it to me, the size of his cock would rip me apart.

I started sucking on him and doing as I was told with little hesitation. I guess he could see I was into being obedient to the guys I sucked off and had me keep doing different things to him. He asked me if any of the other guys had ever fucked my ass and I quickly slurped off his cock and said no. I hoped that wasn’t what he was wanting. He told me not to worry, but that he wanted to hump me a little. Not knowing what he meant, I figured what the hell, and shrugged my shoulders and asked what that meant. I just knew he blew off fucking me so quick that I felt safe. He had me stand up and started to take off my clothes. I protested a bit and he said this was the way it was done. Then he got out of his clothes. He had me lie on the bed face up at first and I felt so little next to his huge size. He took note of my hardon got on the bed and started to lie on top of me. I was told to spread my legs and he put his cock between them and then told me to close them around his cock. I couldn’t believe how fucking hot his member felt nor how big it was… just that this was a really cool feeling. I was instructed to grip his cock with my legs while he humped me.

He started sucking on my tiny little nipples and rubbing my chest. I felt like a girl at that point. I was hoping that if he got off that I would get a look at his come. The two boys I had been use to sucking off had really thick and almost globular come. It would stick to my mouth and teeth because of the thickness of it and I would have to lick all around the inside of my mouth to get it all. Paul’s the night before was much thinner and creamier and even though I had spit most of it out, had a more bitter taste to it. It still tingled in my mouth, which I had gotten to like through the summer. As he humped away at my little body I tried my best to be compliant and to help him get off. He seemed to be having a lot of fun with me and was grunting away proclaiming how good it all felt to him. When he was about to come he pushed himself up so he could squirt it on me belly. This was the first time I had ever watched a guy come because normally it was going into my mouth. He squeezed the last drops out and took a finger and stuck it in the gooey mess on my belly and brought it to my lips. He talked me into tasting it and told me to swallow that little bit. I shook my head no, but he reassured me that it was okay to do and finally I swallowed it. Then he straddled my chest and said he wanted to watch me clean him off. As I did as I was told, he remarked how I had been taught quite the etiquette for cleaning my guys when I was done with them, proclaiming how no guy liked to be left messy and sticky. He got off of me and played with my little pecker a few seconds and asked if I ever got off yet. I told him no and that I was told I had to have my pubic hair first. He asked if I masturbated yet and I said not really. I just rubbed it now and then. After we both got dressed, he told me he needed a baby sitter for the next night. I agreed and went back upstairs. The next night turned out to be a lesson on feeling feminine for the guy getting off on me. And it was the first time I truly felt like I was being molested.

At around 10:00 Paul and his wife came home early. Paul was pretty wasted and she brought him home to go to bed. His wife asked me to stay so she could go back to the party and I agreed. Paul went to bed and after a few minutes I heard him call my name and trembling a bit I went to see what he wanted. He was fully nude on the bed and was stroking his cock. He asked me to suck on his cock and without any hesitation I got on the bed between his legs and started to suck the big mushroom head of his cock. I figured he’s was so buzzed that I didn’t have to pretend not to like doing this stuff. He said he wanted me to be his little fuck toy and had me get out of my clothes. As he pulled my butt naked body onto the bed next to him, he rolled me over the top of him and pinned me under his weight and started rubbing me all over. He asked me if I would be his little toy bitch for the night and I agreed. I’d never been referred to as a bitch before, but really kind of like the nastiness it implied.

That’s when the really weird stuff started to happen. He started kissing me on the mouth. No one had ever done that and I got scared and tried pushing him away. The smell of alcohol was only outdone by the taste on his mouth. He pushed his tongue into my mouth, which I hadn’t even done with a girl, and started making out with me like crazy. I struggled to get away from him but his hold on me and his weight was too much to overcome. So slowly I started to comply and just went limp so he could do as he wanted. He rubbed me all over more than I ever imagined was done. His strong hands rubbing over my ass cheeks felt so fucking wild. It was getting me so excited. And it must have worked at getting me horny, because when he said he wanted me to act like a girl and to kiss him back, I did exactly that. I was a third his size and felt so controlled. And as disgusting as some of this felt, I knew this might be my only time to experience this stuff with someone who probably wouldn’t remember the next day. He kept molesting my body and rubbing me all over and I could feel my tiny hardon grow as large as it had ever been. He bent down a little while holding me in place and took my pecker in his mouth and just engulfed it out of site. Other then the 3 seconds his son had done that, this was the first time another guy ever sucked on me. Later I realized it wasn’t exactly for my benefit as much as he was just trying to get me really horny.

He said he was going to hump me, so I laid back and was waiting for him to get fully on top of me, but instead he put a hand under my hip and rolled me over onto my stomach. I got really scared because I knew this as the fucking position and I knew he couldn’t fit that cock of his in me without major damage. He was holding me down with the weight of his body on top of me. I kept my legs closed so he couldn’t get at my pussy easily and was trying to figure out how to talk him out of trying to fuck me. He demanded I open my legs and pulled them apart a little and slipped his cock between my legs and told me to close my legs. I was so relieved to see he only wanted to hump me again, just from the rear this time. Now that the fear went away I got so fucking horny. I really liked feeling crushed beneath him as he was in his drunken stupor, humping away at me like I was a young girl getting my pussy fucked. This was also the first time I ever started to moan my acceptance of this action as I felt so totally taken. Unfortunately, my positive response sent him over the edge. He pulled away from my leg hold and dropped first one knee between my legs than the other. Suddenly I realized I was so absolutely helpless. Between having my legs spread by his and his weight holding me in place, I couldn’t move. As scared as I was I didn’t say a word so as not to give him any ideas, but he already had a really bad one. He commanded that I hold my cheeks open for him. I started to whimper to please not do that to me. In my frightened state he got me to blurt out that I’d been fucked before and that it hurt really bad. I begged him not to do it and started the plea offers. I offered to blow him anytime he wanted. Or he could hump me on demand. And naively I even offered to let him try to teach me how to deep throat him. Getting his cock into my ass would have really been much easier than down my throat, but I was scared and trying to deal my way out of this anyway I could. Finally he said he was just going to try it a little and I would be better off helping him rather than fighting him.

He put the cock to the opening of my pussy and remembering how helping the other guys out got me to relax so it didn’t hurt so much, I genuinely tried to comply with his wishes. I held my cheeks wide open for his assault and started crying as he pushed harder and harder. He had his own method of removing my fears of penetration, much like Bobby’s hard slap to my ass. He reached down and started nibbling on my ear lobe and just as he was ready to push one last hard time, he bit my ear hard enough to make me cry out in pain and then he pushed. As little as I was I lifted him up off the bed a little from the pain. Just then he heard his middle son call his name and pulled the sheet over us and told him everything was alright and to go back to bed. He had pushed my face into the bed so muffle my crying and held still with his cock so I wouldn’t have any further reason to scream. He gave his son a minute to get back to sleep and just slurped on my neck to quiet me down, all the time just the very tip of his huge cock was in my pussy. I started to try dealing my way out of it again through the tears and crying. He got me to promise him anytime/anywhere he could take me and I agreed. I think he would have stopped anyway between his son almost catching us and my crying. He hadn’t seen me cry till this point and asked me if I was really that scared. I said yes and told him how much getting fucked at my size hurt. I forgot that I admitted to him just minutes earlier that I had been fucked before and knew how much it hurt. He told me the entry was always the painful part and that once a guy got it in, that my ass would relax and open up for him naturally. He also pointed out the benefits of KY jelly and that sometime down the road we’d have to try again. He told me to put on my pants and to go get a wet wash cloth.

When I got back he told me to wash his cock real good and warned me about never sucking on one that been up an ass because that was one of the easiest ways to get diseases. When he was sure I had him cleaned real well, he told me that I had to finish him off now. I hadn’t notice that he still hadn’t gotten off yet. Once again a guy showed just the slightest bit of concern for me and I got suckered in. I went right to work on his cock and as I sucked on it I maneuvered between his legs for an easy position. I couldn’t even get half of it into my mouth, but he certainly was enjoying himself. Just about this time his son came back to his room and Paul quickly covered me up with the sheet and talked to him standing at the doorway. He convinced him to go back to bed while all the time I never stopped sucking him off. When he was sure he was gone he told me we had to finish quickly and I stepped up my pace and grabbed his cock base in my hands and started to try to help him more. Not having successfully masturbated myself yet, I was very awkward, but it seemed to work. As he was about to come he told me to roll over on my back real quick and to open my mouth. He rolled over with me and shot his come into my mouth. I got so fucking hot being his receptacle for this and made sure to keep my mouth wide open. When he was done he told me to lick his tip clean. I said I had to spit and he told me to wait a second. So I licked the tip trying not to let any of his come fall out. Then he sat up and back till he straddled my chest and said he wanted to watch me swallow his come. I shook my head and then he held my chin in his hand and said that since he didn’t get to fuck me that this is the least I could do for him. I still shook my head no. So he put a hand over my mouth and with his other hand he held my nose. He demanded that I swallow if I wanted to breathe. After fifteen seconds I knew I had no choice and swallowed. When he saw me swallow he let go of my nose and had me open my mouth to see if it was truly all gone.

Before I left he wanted to know why I had referred to my ass as my pussy and I told him that that is what the other guy wanted me to always refer to it as. He said it was a major turn on to hear me say it and agreed I must always call it my pussy. About once a month I we would get together in his bedroom and every now and then he would take me someplace for just a quick blowjob. I even did him once sitting in the front seat of his car in a picnic area parking lot. About six months later we moved up the road about a mile, but every so often he would catch me around town and invite me to go someplace with him. The very last time scared us both so bad that it was the last time I did him before his family moved out of state.

His wife had seen me uptown hanging out and asked if I could baby sit for them. I said sure and went by at 7:00 as asked. Paul wasn’t there and was going to meet her at the party. I was a little disappointed because it had been a month since I had last had a taste of him. All I could hope for was that he would piss his wife off and get her to bring him home again. Just before 8:00 the grandparents showed up to pick up the kids. Paul had gotten them to take the kids for the weekend and didn’t tell his wife. Just as I was about to leave the phone rang and it was Paul. He told me he would be coming home in a little bit and that I should hide in the kid’s closet when I saw them come in so his wife wouldn’t see me. Sure enough they pulled in about a half hour later. As I waited in the closet I heard them fighting. He never told her that he had set up baby sitter and that the kids were gone. After yelling at him for being so drunk for a while she left to go back to her party.

As I came out Paul had such a grin on his face and was holding a jar of KY jelly. I instantly knew I was in for more than just servicing him orally like I expected and wanted. He told me it was time to try out my pussy again. Paul was probably more drunk tonight than I ever seen him during one of our romps. When I refused and said I didn’t want to he got rather pissed off at me. I said he could do anything else to me but he didn’t want anything else. After quarrelling over it for a few minutes he picked me up and put me over his shoulder, and took me to his bedroom and slammed me down on his bed. I squirmed like crazy while he stripped off all my clothes and only held still as he sucked on my pecker. He blocked the doorway as he stripped and told me to relax so it wouldn’t hurt. He kept saying he would go easy and promised me after it was all over that I would want it again. He came over and started making out with me and getting me in the spirit of feeling like a girl. He said to look at my little prick. It was extremely hard. He said that I had to work at getting it so relaxed that it would stay soft while he was fucking me. That would mean I was trying to fuck him as if a girl would do it and that’s when my pussy would be most pliable. It was about this time he remembered that he left the KY jelly on the counter. He told me to go get it but wouldn’t let me put on my pants. He said this way I wouldn’t run off. He was right! I got the KY and went right back to the bedroom, where he smeared some of it on my opening and pushed a little of it into me.

I knew I had to give him one really descent shot at my ass just to get it out of his head and it had been 6 months since Bobby and Kenny had done it to me, so I was ready to try again anyway. It was just that Paul was so damn huge it scared the hell out of me. After lying on top of me a while and feeling me up like he would a girl, especially my nipples, he told me to start responding like a girl would. So I started kissing him on the mouth and we made out like that until he said I had to tell him when I was ready to try. Looking down at my pecker we saw it was getting softer the more I responded to Paul from a girls frame of mind. So I kept doing it! When I was really hot, horny and bothered to no end I realized my pecker was totally limp and I tried to push him off me. When I got a bit of room to maneuver I flipped onto my stomach. He couldn’t believe I was actually telling him I was ready to get fucked. As he spread my legs with his I could see there was no turning back. The father it went the more I got scared, but I kept remembering what he said about keeping limp and tried my best.

He asked me if I was going to cry again and I had to admit it wasn’t something I could control. I said if it hurt I would cry, but I was going to try my hardest to let him satisfy himself with my pussy. I kept thinking, what would a girl do now and how would she stay relaxed. I reached back and spread my cheeks for him on his request and then felt the tip of his huge cock pushing at the entrance. I tried to help by pushing back against him to try to get it in me. I actually convinced myself I wanted him in me. I was conscientiously thinking about staying soft and it was working. And then he started nibbling on my ear again. I knew it was about time. He kept whispering into my ear how much he wanted my pussy and then he bit my ear. At the same time he made a long hard push and his cock worked its way into my ass. I buried my face into the bedding and tears started flowing, but I wasn’t crying out like before. I now knew that would do no good and just tried to absorb the pain as he slid it in about half way. He held still for a moment and let me get use to it as he reached around and rubbed my nipples and pinched them. I thought at that moment I had become a girl for this man and he was going to get his way. When he thought I was relaxed enough, he started pumping at me slowly. I responded as best as I could, but his cock was so thick I couldn’t push back against him at all. After a couple of minutes he rolled us over still united. He sat me up as I squealed and repositioned my legs. As he rubbed my back he told me to ride him, to start fucking up and down on his huge hardon. I started the motion, but though I moved his prick didn’t actually go in and out. I was more or less just tugging on him with my ass. He started bouncing and that hurt because I was falling down onto his shaft even more and this started the tears really flowing. All I could say over and over was ow, ow, ow. He just kept bucking up into the air and now I cried openly and I realized that this was turning him on, so I stopped trying to hide it and cried like a baby. I cried how much it hurt and to please hurry and finish. I cried that I didn’t want to be his girl anymore. He grabbed me by my hips and slowly rotated me between bounces until I was facing him. Then he turned and laid me back down on the bottom. I was crying so hard now that he asked me if I wanted him to stop and I said no, just finish. He was grinning at my crying now and was noticeably getting off on my pain and humiliation. He took my legs and bent then up in the air and slowly put them all the way back till my toes were touching the headboard. As I was getting more exposed to his fucking his cock slipped in farther and farther, and I started crying really loud and tried to push him off me. I screamed for him to stop, that I couldn’t take it anymore. I begged him to stop and promised him anything he wanted in return. I was crying uncontrollably now and said right out that he was raping me. In his drunken state there was no stopping him now. He was past the point of wanting to stop, but I still tried. I cried even harder and tried to hit him until he held my hands down. He kept telling me to fuck him back.

And at that moment of getting a thorough raping of my girlish little ass I started to shake quite violently and realized I was trying to fuck him as hard as I could. He sat up a bit and looked at me as I tried as hard as hell to move, bounce, or get any movement going at all. I was screaming at him to stop and didn’t realize that I was the only one moving. He was grinning at me and looking down at my crotch. He knew what was happening but I didn’t. As my body shook out of control and the tears ran down my face I looked at my pecker. It was so shrunken up I couldn’t believe it. The strangest part was that I was coming from my extremely flaccid cock. I didn’t know it was possible to do that and this was the first time I had ever come. Paul reached down and said, “Well look at that”. He scooped my come off my belly and told me to eat it and I was so out of it I started to without even knowing it. While feeding me my own come he started to fuck into me again and after seeing that it took him about twenty seconds to finish. As he came in my tight little pussy for the first and last time he banged me harder and deeper than ever and my tears just flowed without me moving or making a sound. Paul still had his fingers in my mouth and I was sucking them clean, just starting to understand that I was eating my own come.

Paul was feeling very guilty now. He understood that at the end it turned into an outright rape. I was an 11 year old boy that he just raped while making me pretend to be a girl. And perhaps worst of all, the first time I had come was during the raping he put me though. My ass was sore for days after that and Paul apologized to the max after he was finished with me that night. I kept remembering what all the good things were about our encounters and eventually looked back at the rape as even a good thing that I had lived through. I learned that even a little boys tears could turn a man on when at the right moment and that fighting back could also be a turn on. The biggest thing I think I learned throughout the entire year was that a guy taking advantage of a younger guy fed off of the humiliating factors of it all, the power he got to exalt over his prey, as if it were. During the rest of the winter and spring I didn’t have any contact with any of the three guys I had sucked off in the past and by the summer I was getting pretty horny for more sex. I never thought much about girls, as I had no interactions with them. All I ever fantasized about were boys that would treat me much the same way as the guys I already had occurrences with at some point. The one brother that lived with me did get me to suck on him once just around my birthday. He had no idea that I was already well into the facts of life and didn’t bother to tell him. If you knew what I had already been through he would have gone nuts.

It turned out I was a very late bloomer and didn’t go through puberty until I hit 13. But as a 12 year old I was about to have a very wild year of education before I hit that mark. The main knowledge I gained was that all guys seemed turned on by any boy that was still hairless and had a small pecker. And secondly, feigning naivety got guys aroused to the point of wanting to take advantage of any boy younger than themselves. I also learned thanks to a much older half brother that a little boy’s charms had quite a huge monetary value attached to them.