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holy joe lays down THE LAW
Today I went to McDonalds. It was seven o�clock in the morning.
Naturally, being at McDonalds, I wanted a hamburger. And what did the
girl behind the counter say?
�No.�
But I could buy a burrito.
Why is it that I can�t get a hamburger at McDonalds in the morning,
but I can get a burrito? For years now people like myself have been trying
to order a hamburger at McDonalds in the morning, with no success. But
several years back McDonalds added burritos to the menu. They couldn�t
make any accommodation for red-blooded American patriots like myself,
who want a hamburger, but they changed their menu to accommodate
illegal Mexican immigrants!
As proof that it isn�t just bums, perverts, and tramps like myself
who want hamburgers in the morning, let me add this fact. Right behind
me, as I grumbled to myself about having to eat an Egg McMuffin, a little
girl and her mother sat down. Guess what the little girl wanted to eat? A
hamburger. And she didn�t ask just once. She asked her mother several
times for a hamburger, and her mother kept saying, �No hamburger.
Breakfast only.� The girl didn�t understand that her mother was saying,
�McDonalds doesn�t serve hamburgers.� She thought her mother was
purposely denying her the right to eat a hamburger at McDonalds. So she
kept asking, again and again, irritating her mother. And what was even
more interesting, the little girl was a Mexican! So even the Mexican
immigrants want a hamburger at seven o�clock in the morning. Wake up,
McDonalds!
As I was leaving McDonalds I overheard a man talking. This man eats
at McDonalds every morning. He likes to talk. And today he was saying to
his seat mate, as I emptied my trash,
�I was talking to a woman who specializes in child abuse. And she
went to a convention. And she decided, �I�m just going to make up a kid.
Online.� And so she put in various statistics about this kid [in her online
profile], adding that this child was 14. And pretty soon guys were
contacting her and saying �Do you want to go on a date, etc.�, even though it
specifically said that this child was 14.�
(That�s a verbatim quote. I�m not sure what the part about going to a
convention has to do with anything, but that�s the quote as I heard it while
emptying my trash.)
No, I did not answer the man. He�s always looking for someone to
pigeon hole for his daily lecture and so far I�ve managed to avoid getting
nailed by him. But now that I�m safely at home and out of range of his
need for (endless) conversation, let me say this: It�s time to empty out
some of the balderdash in this society. First of all, liking a girl who�s 14
does not qualify as �child abuse.� Secondly, someone who�s 14 isn�t �a
kid� or �a child�. A kid or a child is three years old, not 14. Thirdly,
these jealous women who make a career out of so-called �child abuse� are
an abomination. Listen lady (whoever you are), I don�t care if you raise the
so-called �age of consent� to 47. You still aren�t getting a date with me. I
have zero interest in women. Attractive, unattractive, it doesn�t matter
to me. Women are tedious, boring, manipulative... the list of negatives is
endless. And no, I don�t have some axe to grind against some ex-wife or
girlfriend, and I don�t hate my mother. My mother is a fine person. End of
story. I�ve never had a girlfriend so that rules out the ex-wife, ex-
girlfriend theory. Women are just completely of no interest to me. I
would say that my interest in public urinals is far greater than my
interest in women, since I use urinals and have never had any occasion to
make use of a woman. That is not to say that there aren�t some
interesting women authors, like Barbara Tuchman, but I am interested in
her as an author, like I�m interested in Isaac Asimov. That doesn�t mean I
want to get in bed with Isaac Asimov or Barbara Tuchman.
Now getting back to this woman�s �Online profile,� another point I
would like to make is that people can pretend to be anything on the
Internet. One famous case, reported in Newsweek, was of a 12-year-old
girl describing herself as a �hot babe�, who turned out to be an 80-year-
old man in a nursing home.
With regard to women police who pose online as young girls, in order
to get men to meet them, I say they are wrong for arresting these men.
Probably the man thinks to himself, �I know this is some lady pretending
to be a girl, but I don�t want to let on because she might be embarrassed.�
So he goes along with the gag, only to be arrested for being nice to the
lady and pretending to believe that she really is 12-years-old.
Right now I�m corresponding with a guy who says his name is such-
and-such. (I won�t repeat the name, in order to protect his privacy.) I
have a strong suspicion that his name is made up, based on several
factors. In other words, what he�s palming off as his real name isn�t his
real name. But do I confront him with this fact? No. I figure it�s his
business to use whatever name he wants. I don�t want him to feel
embarrassed about having me point out that his name is fake. In fact, I
can think of another person who�s doing the same thing to me, writing me
under an assumed name. But, again, I don�t say anything, because I value
the relationship and figure it�s his business, not mine, what name he
wants to use.
But getting back to meeting girls online who are 12. (Or 14, for that
matter.) What if she really is 12? Good, I say. Meet her! Let me tell you
something: in the olden days, the days of traditional values, a girl was the
property of her father until she got married. Then she was the property of
her husband. In order to protect her chances of getting married, a girl�s
father made sure she stayed a virgin until she met a husband. And in
America until 1898 the age of consent was age 10. So the girl didn�t have
to wait long to meet a husband, and the guy didn�t have to wait either. But
he was assured of getting a good deal when he did meet her, because she
was still a virgin.
Nowadays girls are allowed to run around loose and have sex all over
the place, as long as the guy is the same age as they are. I was in the
hospital one day and two nurses were discussing a 15-year-old girl who
had just passed through the emergency room. She had been brought in by
her father. He had found her with a boyfriend he didn�t approve of and he
wanted to know if she was still a virgin. The nurses were commenting to
each other how attractive the girl was, and how ridiculous the father�s
request had been.
�Of course she isn�t a virgin,� one nurse said to the other. �She
probably hasn�t been for at least a year.�
In other words, this girl probably hasn�t been a virgin since age 14,
when she started high school.
I was reading an issue of People several years back. I learned that it
is common practise for girls starting high school to choose to �initiate�
themselves into high school by having sex, as 9th graders, with a high
school boy. They find someone they like, who is perhaps a year or two
older, already experienced with high school, and have sex with him.
I read a zine by a girl and she stated how she was clueless in junior
high and her first year of high school about all the sex going on around her.
She caught up with her peers by having sex at the end of her freshman year
of high school.
The impression I got, when I myself was younger, was that any
attractive girl who was 13 or older was not a virgin. Maybe she might
have been a virgin at 12, but by 13, she wasn�t.
So we have a slight problem here, don�t we? The men of the olden
days were assured of getting virgins, but modern men are stuck, thanks to
our modern laws, with girls who have had sex innumerable times by age
18. And asking someone for a date who is under 18 is considered �child
abuse.�
Let me tell you something, ladies. I say it is time for us guys to
stop putting up with your stupid laws, and your dumb �child abuse�
philosophies. If you women are going to let your daughters run around
having sex for half a decade before they reach age 18, then it is our duty
to meet girls when they are 12. If you let your 12-year-olds run around
having sex, then it�s our duty to meet your daughters when they are 11. If
you let your 11-year-olds run around having sex, then it�s our duty to meet
your daughters when they are 10. And I will keep pushing the timetable
back. If you let your 1-year-old daughters run around having sex, then it
is our duty to meet them in the maternity ward!
Well, that�s my thoughts for today on these important matters. Guys
should be able to date 12-year-olds, since the cute 13-year-olds are
obviously not virgins. And McDonalds should quit clowning around and
start serving hamburgers in the morning.
(And, by the way, 11-year-olds are cute and I�ll take cheese with my
hamburger.)
30
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