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Andrew Roller Presents
NAUGHTY NAKED DREAMGIRLS
in
BIKINI BRIGADE
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Chapter Sixteen
�Move along, prisoners!� the gingerman nearest Freddie shouted. He
gave Freddie a gratuitous shove. Freddie stumbled, but said nothing. He�d
given up protesting. He looked at his feet. Then, slowly, he lifted his
head. A fast-moving stream ran through meadowlands just ahead of them.
Beyond it, a bon bon forest loomed. But they�d be turning east, following
the main pop rock road along the Soda Sea. The forest was too
impenetrable to try to go through it, though if they could have, they would
have had a much shorter route, and eventually found themselves in the
Lollipop Forest, near the shores of the Sea of Cream. But many of the
streams coming down out of the Gumdrop Mountains flowed into the Bon
Bon Forest. One could get lost amidst all those tangled streams, and the
Marshmellow Marshes that lay between them. To the east, there was the
long, grassy promendade of the bluffs, that fronted the Soda Sea. There
was only one marsh too, a big one, named, not too creatively,
�Marshmellow Marsh,� but there was a long bridge over it. If one could
reason with the troll who�d made his home under the bridge, or pay him a
few coins, one could get by easily. And the gingermen never paid; Tommy
reluctantly gave way to them, as did Moe, who lived further along the road,
near the Citadel, in a moor made of molasses.
The snow crunched under Freddie�s boots. He walked on a slope, his
body at an angle. As he reached the base of the slope he stepped out onto
green grass. There was a sprinkling of sugar and snow on the grass,
nothing more. Just a little ahead of them, the grass showed as a verdant
green, under the late afternoon sun. They would have an easy time walking
on it. Freddie was grateful. He�d had enough of the Gumdrop Mountains. He
vowed to himself that if he ever got free, he�d build a new fort, on a nice
grassy plain, not up high in the wind and the snow.
Freddie glanced back. There they were, tall and magnificent. The
Gumdrop Mountains. He felt a pang of regret in his stomach. He had hoped
to create an independent kingdom there. For himself, and for the
Gingerman Autonomists. But it had all come undone when Gumdrop Guy
attacked them.
�Damn!� Freddie said. He kicked at a pebble in the grass. He hated to
think Licorice Lad had gotten the best of him. He paused, without
realizing it, and a gingerman, following behind him, bumped into him.
�Move, Freddie,� the captured Gingerman Autonomist whispered to
him. They would both get in trouble if they were found standing still.
Freddie was, at the moment, accidentally exercising the only power he had
anymore, that of being able to hold up a column of prisoners. Of which he
was one.
�Damn,� Freddie murmured. He trudged on. The gingerman behind
him gave a sigh of relief, following.
�Who is holding up--?� A gingerman guard bellowed. Then he saw
the column was moving again, and said, �That�s it. Move along. No rest for
prisoners!�
The only consolation Freddie had was that for every step he took, his
gingerman guards had to take a step too.
Tommy aimed the gun at the sign on the wall of his hovel. It read,
�Home Sweet Home.� Near it was a calendar. It had once shown a picture
of a nude troll. Now it was covered with marshmellow goop.
�Yahoo!� Tommy cried. He pulled the trigger on his new gun. It fired.
It splattered the �Home Sweet Home� sign with marshmellow goop.
�Yahoo!� Tommy yelled again.
Suddenly, he paused. He listened. He heard the sound of hooves on
the road above, and of wheels turning.
�A visitor!� Tommy yelled. �Someone�s trying to cross *my*
bridge!�
Tommy ran for the door. He swung it open and scrambled through
weeds and up the bank of the marsh onto the bridge above. Just in time. A
royal carriage, slightly battered in its appearance, was just about to roll
up onto the bridge. It was pulled by a team of Clydesdales.
�Ho, there! You must pay a toll!� Tommy cried. The driver of the
horses pulled them up short.
�Out of the way! Sultan�s business!� the driver called out to Tommy.
Tommy arched one of his brows. He peered hard at the carriage.
There was no doubt it was the Sultan�s Royal Carriage, even if it did look
rather muddy and ill-used. But who was riding in it? Licorice Lad?
Tommy gazed beyond the carriage, to see if there were any gingermen
marching behind it. He saw nothing but the empty grasslands beyond.
�Who rides within?� Tommy asked. He tried to sound threatening, as
if he�d have to be well paid for the carriage to be allowed to pass. But if
Licorice Lad was in that carriage, and Tommy held it up, he risked getting
thrown in the dungeon.
�No business of a troll�s,� the driver called back. But Tommy
thought the driver sounded nervous. He was a small, round-shouldered
man, the driver. He sat hunched on the carriage�s exterior seat. Tommy
decided to risk a trip to the dungeon.
�Don�t move, or I�ll shoot you,� Tommy said to the driver. He pointed
his gun at him. For effect, he shot marshmellow goop out past the driver�s
head. The horses blanched. The driver tensed and tried to sit lower in his
seat.
Tommy pulled open the door to the carriage. A sugar plum fell off
the side of the carriage as he opened the door. Tommy looked down at it,
lying in the road. Then he looked inside the carriage. It was purple inside,
richly brocaded, fit for royalty. And there was no one within.
�Well, well, well!� Tommy cried. He still hadn�t bathed, from the
time he�d fallen in the marsh, and he was feeling a little itchy, but who
needed a bath, if you could ride through Candyland as royalty? Tommy
hopped up inside the carriage. He glanced around and liked what he saw.
He set his gun down on one of the carriage�s benches. There was a small
cabinet built into one wall of the carriage and he opened it. Inside a brand
new bottle of champagne gleamed, along with a pair of glasses.
�Yes!� Tommy said. He popped the champagne. Holding the opened
bottle, which spurted fizz down over his fist, and picking up his gun, he
threw open a window in the carriage and stuck out his head. �Away,
driver!� he cried. �Take me to the Citadel!� Tommy fired his gun again,
out over the marsh. The driver struck the horses at once with his whip.
They leapt up onto the bridge and began drawing the carriage across it.
Tommy began singing:
�Oh, I�m Tommy the terrible troll,
And to the Sultan I�ll go.
I�ll ride in his coach,
And sit on his throne,
Because I�m Tommy the terrible, terrible, terrible troll!�
We polished my lollipop. We used handfuls of grass pulled from the
sugary sand dunes that bordered the sea. It gleamed. I gazed at it
admiringly.
�Now if only we can get it to fly,� I said to Pauline.
�Yes!� Pauline agreed. She was topless. I wore what had once been
the top part of her bathing suit, around my hips. It wasn�t the most
effective of coverings, but at least it kept me from being Miss Nude
Candyland. For her part, Pauline wore what remained of her suit, after I�d
borrowed the top part, a small circling band of panties around her waist.
In the distance, I heard the sound of wheeled vehicles.
�What�s that?� I asked Pauline.
�I dunno,� Pauline replied. We were kneeling in the sand and now we
both stood up. We patted our hands against our thighs, knocking sand off
our palms. In the distance, through the stems of the lollipops, which grew
rather sparsely down near the shore where we were standing, I could just
make out a column of objects. They looked like tumbrils. They resembled
what the peanuts had been building to transport Katie and I, if they�d been
successful in imprisoning us in peanut butter. But there were many of
them. Between each tumbril I thought I saw peanuts running along, as if
the peanuts were pulling the tumbrils.
�Is there a road there?� I asked Pauline.
�Yes,� she replied. �A big road, made of pop rocks.�
�Oh,� I said.
�Looks like peanuts are travelling along it,� Pauline offered, gazing
through the trees, as I was.
�Yes,� I agreed.
�Maybe they�re going to the Citadel, to help my Daddie,� Pauline said.
�Maybe,� I said. �And then again, maybe not. They tried to trap
Katie and me in a big vat of peanut butter.�
�Weally?� Pauline asked. �That�s not very nice. You�re a nice
person. Why would they do that?�
I sighed.
�Some ladies visited them,� I told her. �Ladies from Child
Protective Services.� Pauline looked up at me, quizzicly.
�Never mind,� I told her. �Anyway, some human ladies, from my
world, they came into Candyland looking for my friend, Katie, and me too.
They want to make us their prisoners. They convinced the peanuts to help
them.� I turned to her. �We�ve got to get to the Citadel before they do,� I
said to her. �We�ve got to find Katie, and defeat Licorice Lad. We�ve got
to free your father and then he�s got to operate the Peppermint Portal for
Katie and me, so we can go back home. Do you think you can help me?�
��Course,� Katie said. �I want to help my Daddie. And you too.�
�Good,� I told her. I knelt down. I didn�t have a lollipop wand, so I
put my finger across her shoulder. �I, Bambi, hereby do make you a
member of the... um... topless Bikini Brigade,� I told her. She smiled. I
tickled her tummy.
�Goodie!� Pauline squealed.
We laughed together. Beyond us, the column passed by, and all was
quiet again, except for the undulating waves breaking against the shore.
�Now let�s mount up on our lollipop and see if we can get this thing
to fly!� I told Pauline.
�Okay!� she agreed.
30
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