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STARR SOURCES REPORT CLINTON ATE
�AN OVERABUNDANCE OF TWINKIES�
Little Rock, ARKANSAS (UP) - Sources close to the Starr
investigation today revealed that special prosecutor Kenneth Starr is
taking depositions regarding President Clinton�s consumption of Twinkies.
�The president ate an overabundance of Twinkies. Two, sometimes
even three Twinkies a day, during the course of the previous year,� a
source told The Washington Pest today. �Why would a president need to
eat three Twinkies in one day? Is he hiding something? Is he eating the
Twinkies because he�s hungry? Because he has a weakness for sweets?
Or as a distraction to mislead our ongoing investigations?�
Starr received additional authority from Attorney General Janet
Reno earlier in the week, to enlarge his investigation into the matter.
Currently the White House is considering whether to cooperate with a
request from Starr�s office for �any and all Twinkie wrappers located in
the vicinity of the White House,� or whether to assert Executive Privilege.
�It�s quite natural that we would want to see every Twinkie wrapper
they have,� a source close to the Starr investigation said. �Monica
Lewdinsky�s lipstick could be on one of those wrappers. Or there could
even be a wrapper with her lipstick on it, and the president�s semen. That
would be a gold mine for our investigation.�
Andrew Roller Presents
FUCK DECENCY
Sponsored by: Innocent Interns, Inc.
1-800-BLOW JOB
Issue No. 342
Naughty Naked Dreamgirls in
Dungeon of Desire
Chapter Three
Now my hero retaliated. Showing as much animal fury as Sauron,
perhaps half-surprised himself that he still possessed his beautiful 12-
inch penis, my Officer struck and struck again and again. Sauron found
himself unexpectedly on the defensive and a slicing blow cut into his
chest.
�Fuck you!� Sauron screamed. Losing all control, he fought back with
untamed abandon. But it proved his undoing. My Officer countered the
blows and responded and, quite suddenly, Sauron�s sword was knocked
from his hand and went spiraling through the air.
�Now, sir, it is I who hold the key to YOUR future,� my hero gasped.
He held his sword-point right at Sauron�s dick. In contrast to my hero,
Sauron�s penis was small and shriveled. Very gently, as if to make a point
without being decisive about it, in an irreversible way, my hero nudged
Sauron�s penis and stabbed lightly at his balls.
�Okay,� Sauron breathed.
�Okay is not good enough,� my hero replied. �You must promise not
to take up your sword again when my back is turned. And you must say,
with all sincerity, �Long Live the Citadel.��
�Fie, this is most disagreeable!� Sauron said. I wondered at his
Shakespeare. Perhaps, being nude, he aspired to nobility, so as not to look
like some poor defeated savage at the hands of my British-trained
boyfriend.
�Long Live the Citadel!� my boyfriend urged, his voice loaded with
warning. His sword tip seemed to press just a little more deeply into my
Master�s testicles.
�Long--� Master began, looking at my boyfriend�s penis.
�Say it, and free the girl also,� my Officer ordered.
�Long Live the Citadel and take this schoolgirl whore off my hands,�
Sauron muttered.
�That�s no way to speak of a Lady, sir, but I�ll take it as a surrender.
Mind you, if I find your sword up my butthole when I turn around you�ll not
live to see another orgasm, despite your pretty Japanese maid.�
�Take the blonde before I lose my maid also,� Sauron said. �And get
that damn thing away from me before you catheterize my pee hole with
it!�
My Officer hero withdrew his sword and put it gallantly to his
forehead. �The duel is ended then, and I the victor. Go to your pleasure,
sir, but leave the girl to me.�
Katy pushed me forward. She unhooked her finger from my collar
before pushing me, so that I stumbled freely. My Officer hero hastily
withdrew his sword from in front of himself lest I fall upon it. He caught
me with his free arm. I pressed myself against his hairy chest. His own
girlfriend, who�d urged him to put on gloves, took the sword from his hand,
lest he find someone else to duel with.
Miriam hastened down the hall. �Boys, boys! Or should I say Men?�
she looked at Sauron. �No, you are both boys, despite your ages. Give me
those swords before somebody loses something more precious than a few
chest hairs!�
The blonde who held my hero�s sword handed it to Miriam. She took
it and then fetched Sauron�s sword from the floor. �I should castrate you
both for playing like that!� she scolded.
�We were not playing,� Sauron snarled.
�Then begone. Go! This house is for playing, extreme playing
perhaps, but for playing all the same. And don�t take your loss out on some
poor innocent schoolgirl either, or I�ll report you!�
�I�ll do as I please,� Sauron muttered.
�I have friends! I�ll keep an eye on you!� Miriam shouted after him
as, with Katy in hand, he stormed down the hallway in defeat.
Miriam was left gasping as Sauron disappeared. I heard his
footsteps falling heavily on the stairs as he departed to the lower floor.
And then, slamming the front door shut behind him, he left. I was glad I
was with him no longer. He was more than just challenging, or even cruel.
He was Evil. He had crossed the line into hatred and let his soul be
consumed by hateful passions. He had become the character whose named
he�d borrowed from Tolkien. Worse, though, for the dark fiend in Tolkien
was just a fiction, while this man roamed freely on the earth. I knew in
my soul he�d find somebody to take his vengeance upon. But I, at least,
was safe, huddling against my Officer hero. He embraced me with his arm.
His girlfriend, sensing I was part of their group now, floated shyly to my
side and examined the marks on my bottom.
�Ohhh, you�ve been in the dance,� she said. Lightly she patted my
tushy, almost admiringly, as if I�d accomplished something she had yet to
do. I�d noticed her own fanny was unmarked. Perhaps they�d been at the
party at the beginning, but had been so aroused that they had not waited to
savor all the festivities. They�d made their own party upstairs. Or
perhaps they�d just arrived, coming in as the other guests left. Miriam
seemed not to be satiable when it came to sex. She was always open for
business. If it was dark, and someone she approved of knew her address,
she let them in.
We glided into their bedroom. The bed was a shambles yet I saw no
wet spot and guessed they must just be starting. Certainly, from the
absolute hardness of my newfound Officer�s penis, he could not be on his
second erection. He looked down at me.
�My sweet, I don�t mean to be rude, but I won you and I want to fuck
you,� he said quite simply and directly to me.
I bit my lip. I looked about, wonderingly, hesitating. A birthday cake
was overturned onto the bed. Fortunately, the candles must have been
blown out before it got smooshed on the sheets. Beside it a champagne
bottle lay, its neck protruding from the side of the bed and dripping its
last drops onto the floor, where a small puddle had formed.
I advanced to the bed. I put my face down into the sheets, as I
sensed was required. I folded my hands into fists and slipped them
beneath my neck. I dipped my back and offered my bottom. My officer,
gasping with delight, came quickly behind me and knocked my knees apart
with his own knee, protruding it between my tight-pressed legs. I found
myself spread in behind, my cunny already dripping with moistness and the
juice of other lovers. My Officer showed no reluctance at my condition.
He stabbed himself into my fruit, my fig, gleefully. He�d almost lost his
penis defending me and I knew as he felt my cuntlips close upon him a vast
erotic relief must have washed over him.
I felt like a whore but I didn�t care. He was my Prince, my savior.
He�d risked all to have me. I shuddered as I felt him thrust into me,
swordlike, and I felt him shudder too, at the sheer joy of winning me and
possessing me. No other fuck, I think, could have been so heady. To
actually fight for me, and win me. It was riveting for both of us, me
feeling my hero�s shaft stab into me, he feeling my tightness, my
receptive womb waiting for his deepest thrusts.
Behind my hero stood his other girlfriend. She seemed as deeply
impressed as I by his swordplay. �Oh you were so brave!� she gushed.
Happily she palmed his balls as he fought within my gripping cunny to do
to me what he�d almost done to Sauron. He stabbed within my guts, within
my private. Spasms of heated passion threatened to overwhelm me.
�OOooooh!� I cried out. I was senseless with the thought that he was
ripping me apart with his organic sword. My mind reeled. I waited, biting
my lip, for his cum to flood into me, blood-like. Again and again he fucked
me, hard and unrelenting, his hardness surviving even the tightest grips of
my cunt.
And then, losing himself in me, stabbing right up to my womb,
impregnating me, perhaps, he let loose a flood of himself. I shouted at his
manliness and hoped I was feminine enough to deserve him. I bucked back
at him, making him spear me even more deeply. My soft bottom ground
against his hard loins. His hairy bush rubbed deeply into the scored
whiteness of my bottom. He made the marks I�d received in the dance burn
anew with his passionate grindings.
We shuddered to two climaxes. Somehow he spurted each time.
Then, gradually coming down from our bliss, we detached ourselves
finally. I was about to rise when I heard, quite gallantly, the other Citadel
male speak up.
�Sir, may I deposit myself in your girl? She is Yours, after all, is
she not? I find her fanny most irresistible.�
�Be my guest. She is quite a charming fuck,� my hero, betraying me
to his friend, replied.
And so I was fucked again. I felt like a small animal, bent over the
bed, wearing my collar, as the second Citadel man fucked me. He was as
thorough in his spearing of me as my former hero had been. I wanted it
less, enjoyed it less, but I had no choice in the matter. He bent over me
and I felt his hairy chest on my back and he breathed hotly into my ear and
told me lewd things that only a tart ever hears, fucked by men in a
whorehouse. I wept, I felt used and abused. But he brought me to orgasm
all the same, fucking me hard and relentlessly. I think he was smitten by
the idea of me being a captive. Of being rescued, then fucked, and now
fucked again. Around me I heard screams as my Officer hero played with
the two girls, the honey blonde who�d offered him gloves and a young
redhead.
Later, accepted by them as a playmate, we lay in bed and kissed and
they told me about themselves, and asked about me. It was then I learnt
my Officer lived in L.A., but commuted to the Citadel. He had just
graduated. He was starting a career in the Navy. He would be going to sea
soon. During his Citadel years he�d visited Miriam, and he knew the names
of the people I�d partied with. His friend had come once or twice before.
The two girls had been found earlier in the day on the beach. One was 19,
the other 17. We played with each other into the morning and then,
exhausted at last, fell asleep on the ruined bed.
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A R E A D I N G F U N D has been established for Stephen Knox, imprisoned
in a federal penitentiary for ordering a swimsuit video featuring teenage
girls. To help provide books to Knox (formerly a Phd. candidate at Penn
State), send any amount to: Uncommon Desires Newsletter, P.O. Box 2377,
New York, NY 10185. Make checks payable to: Ophelia Editions.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter Four
Miriam awoke us in the bright afternoon. The honey blonde and her
strawberry redhead companion got up from the bed, all limbs and tousled,
stringy manes of hair, and trotted to the bathroom to pee. My Officer�s
male friend followed them. I sat up, realized I had to pee but, looking over
at my Officer, knowing I had to wait a moment anyway, I let my eyes
caress him. He glanced between my parted thighs and saw my cunt. It was
soft and inviting and he knew I was holding back my pee inside my bladder,
as he was.
�What�s your name?� I asked him. My eyes lowered seductively, like
lampshades. I trailed my gaze up from his penis as I asked, catching his
eyes and holding them. He was hard. So hard, so full of himself. Mornings
are like that for men. Except this was afternoon, so it must be
awakenings that are like that. When he awakes, he is hard.
�Dick,� he replied.
I laughed. �No, really,� I said, smiling. I let my tongue-tip protrude
between my white teeth, inviting him to tell the truth.
�It is,� he replied. �Richard for real, of course, but everyone just
calls me...� his eyes focused on my breasts, then dropped to my pussy.
�Dick.�
Miriam brought the two girls and their male lover back from the
bathroom. They were like children before her, peeing in the kindergarten
bathroom while teacher watched them.
�My, what a perfect couple,� Miriam teased Dick and I. �Are you
planning to wet the bed together?� She knew we had to go after sleeping
all day.
We looked up at her. We smiled, lovers� smiles.
DIRTY DEFINITIONS
by holy joe
SEX, ORAL - Also known as a �blow job.� This is an act that
defines the true nature of the male/female relationship. The man,
dominant and standing up, places his penis into the mouth of a
submissively kneeling female. The man then urinates into the female�s
mouth, while she, supplicatively, attempts to swallow all of his pee. If
the pee overflows the female�s lips, it�s called �a wet blow job.� If it
does not, it�s called �a dry blow job.�
Sometimes a �blow job� is followed by a �poop job.� (Presidents,
after all, don�t just need to do �number one.�) In a �poop job,� the
president, having peed in the female�s mouth, then turns around and
places his anus against her willing 21-year-old lips. He defecates into
her mouth as she struggles to swallow down his poop.
Additional definitions on related subjects, and on subjects
subject to Executive Privilege, may be learned under the swings.
The Skinny Dip
by Nichole Grabe
The woman, reborn, lies
Autumn underfoot, bare ankled
Her dress wound, lace and train,
Froth soaked, lays low.
She is foreign, agape
eyes up blue, stars shine teeth
The skin unbound, the strip tease,
Foetally cool, her minuet.
Broken frame, crossed legs guide,
Stumbles as her skin pulls purple vein,
The bruises of an attack,
Her eye on water, she falls.
Her nose runs, the water surfs,
Her bonds rot in the rosy sunrise,
Birds call out to her,
Mute, she lies, unknown.
(She probably visited the White House. - h.j.)
AND IN THE END...
HEY, KIDS!
�Clinton�s closest adviser last year was a guy who savored
women�s toes and helped run the President�s campaign while in bed
with a hooker.�
- Time, February 9, 1998, pg. 66.
-------------------------- Fuck Decency! ------------------------
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-END OF 342 EMISSION
- �This week the President made a speech. It was an important speech.
It was called the �State of the Union.� It was about the union between
him and Monica Lewdinsky.� - TIME for Kids, page A3.