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Andrew Roller Presents
FUCK DECENCY
Sponsored by: JOE CAMEL
Issue No. 287
Naughty Naked Dreamgirls in
Pussy Playland
Chapter Two
There in the warm heat of the flames sat all the party guests. Well,
not all of them, I realized, as I heard a moan and a groan from somewhere
upstairs. The smart crack of a whip followed. Somebody was still at it.
Despite the ominous cracking of the whip, which continued, everyone round
the fire was buck naked. Their bare skin shone like amber, healthy and
young. Even the older men seemed more like college kids in the light of
the flames. Amidst the fire a clothesline of sorts held all our swimsuits.
They were strung up on an iron pole that ran crosswise above the flames.
Bikini panties, bras, and even the men�s Speedos hung gracefully over the
fire. Some had merely been flopped over the pole while others had been
carefully tied. I realized the pole must have been inserted into the hearth
after the clothes had been tied to it. I realized, though, that it had been
set too close to the flames just to dry our suits. One by one, I saw that
the swimsuits were being burned up by the flames. They licked from
below, picking their targets seemingly at random. I spied my own bra and
undies hanging down over the fire.
�No! That�s my panties!� I cried out. People�s heads turned. They
saw my expression and laughed. A girl took a small piece of wood and
tossed it onto the flames. They rose higher, singed my undies. I gasped.
The crotch of my undies took fire and a hole burnt through them. Then my
bra caught fire. In just a few seconds my precious bikini went up in
flames. The girl who�d thrown the wood on the fire had a stick in the
other hand, with a marshmallow on it, and she extended the stick into the
flames where my panties were burning. She browned her marshmallow
under them. In a moment they were nothing but char. They fell as ashes
onto her marshmallow and she had to shake her marshmallow to try to get
the sprinkling of ashes off it. A girl with a hot dog speared on a stick
extended it into the fire. The hot dog began broiling within the flames as
panties caught fire above it.
A man rose. I guessed they�d all been fucking like bunnies out here
because he, as well as the other men, were �tamed,� as they say, in their
crotches. His cock hung down limply and his balls extended down like
churchbells on ropes. They swung with his every step, loose and satisfied.
He walked up to Tabitha and embraced her. She lifted her chin and let him
kiss her neck, boldly but submissively, as if he longed to serve her
womanly needs. She smiled at me. Freely, sensing he would not be
refused, he pushed his hips against hers and ground his thing into her bush.
Delicately she withdrew her hand from mine and patted his buttocks.
Suddenly, I saw her blush. His thing was standing up! She felt it rise
between her legs, inspired by the freedom of the moment, and he gleefully
rubbed its length between the lips of her cunt.
�Excuse me a minute, dear,� Tabitha said to me, still blushing. She
drew back a little, not quite depriving the man�s cock, but withdrawing far
enough so that just the tip of his pole touched her cunny. �Sir, I don�t
believe we�ve met,� Tabitha said to the man. She touched a finger to his
lips. Greedily he took her finger into his mouth and sucked it as if he were
somehow going to give it a blow job.
�I�m Frank,� he answered.
�Do I excite you, Frank?� Tabitha asked. With her face still flushed
she looked down at his thing poking at her as he sucked on her finger.
�I want,� Frank said gruffly. He moved his mouth back to Tabitha�s
neck and I watched as he slowly gave her a hickey. She gulped. Her throat
was slim and swan-like. Then his lips trailed down to her breasts. He
closed his teeth over her nipple.
�Don�t, Frank,� Tabitha begged, but he slowly bit into her until she
was forced to scream. He opened his mouth then, and Tabitha withdrew
her wounded teat and looked at it.
�I�m sorry,� Frank replied. He put his lips to her bosom again and
suckled it. For a moment I thought he was a little baby, he looked so
tender-hearted. Tabitha moaned and begged him to take more of her breast
into his mouth. But he concentrated just on her nipple, mouthing and
licking and slurping and, most of all, sucking it as if he had not a mouth
but a vacuum.
Tabitha�s eyes begged. I moved to her and took her other breast in
my mouth, brushing Frank�s groping hand out of the way. Gently I sucked
on her nipple as if it were candy and I were a 5-year-old girl. Tabitha
sighed deeply. I felt her belly and it seemed to ripple beneath my fingers.
Her own hand moved over my tummy, patted it, then slid lower to find my
clit. I was forced to widen my stance to let her play with me. Our hero,
meanwhile, thrust his hips back and forth so that he could pleasure his
cockshaft within the lips of Tabitha�s cunny. He had not entered her yet.
Reaching down, I found his thing and felt its hugeness and realized he
must be waiting for something.
Tabitha stepped back. He let her go. He did not stop her. When she�d
retreated far enough to be free of Frank�s inquiring cock she gazed at him.
He was hung like a donkey and had bulging pecs and biceps to match.
�You�re quite a sailor!� she said to him. Her eyes were bright. The fire
danced in them.
�How did you know I�m in the Navy?� Frank asked.
�Your tattoo, dear. Not too many men would have an anchor tattooed
on their penis with �USN� marked out on it unless they were.� He glanced
down at himself. I gasped. Right there, on his risen penis, was a small
anchor and �USN.� It was about halfway down his cockshaft, tattooed
right next to the big vein that fed blood and nutrients down to the tip of
his dick.
�Oh yeah,� Frank said. �We get bored at sea sometimes.�
�Well, just to be safe, I�m going to insist that you wear a condom,�
Tabitha told him. She took his hand and drew him toward the counter that
separated the living room from a small kitchen. There, next to a bowl full
of pretzels, was a bowl with condoms in it. Most of the condoms were
gone but someone had, at least, filled the pretzel bowl. I took one and
squirted some mustard on it and popped it into my mouth.
NAKED AT THE NEWSSTAND
with holy joe (part 1)
A Review of the new issue of Mayfair
Women are never happy. They pass all these laws saying �Don�t have
anything to do with children,� (including even 17-year-olds)! Then, they
get pissed when they see me walking out of Tower with an armload of
porn.
That very thing happened to me today. As I came out of Tower with
my daily armload of magazines, there were three women, GLARING at me,
and thinking evil thoughts about me. One of them muttered, �My God! Look
at that horrible man! Look at all that PORNOGRAPHY he�s buying! Doesn�t
he have any consideration for the harm that does to children?�
Ladies! Ladies! What do you expect me to do? Do you think I want to
get prosecuted for rape? For date rape? For statutory rape? For child
molestation? For �lookism�? I�m only a poor hobo. How much of a chance
do you think I�d stand, up against some female prosecutor, in front of a
female judge, with all the prosecutor�s legal expenses paid for by the
state?
Not much of a chance, I think.
You�d think I was peeing in public or something, buying my porn.
Rest assured, ladies. I took my porn straight to a porta-potty, where I
could pee, if I needed to, and answer any other calls of nature. I admit
that while I was in there I didn�t think any feminist thoughts. So, okay,
you�ve got me there. But please don�t talk like I�m a threat to our nation�s
children. It�s my porn, I bought it, and I�m looking at it in private, okay?
I�m sorry if I�m using a porta-potty to do my reading. Sure, I�m
probably guilty of some crime there, but look at it this way. Last year, I
could look at my porn at the homeless shelter. But then some businessmen
located on the same street as the shelter claimed it was a nuisance for all
us bums to be �hanging around� their businesses. (Never mind that we were
going to the homeless shelter for food, a necessity of life.) So the city
declared the homeless shelter �a public nuisance.� They closed it. Now I
have to use a porta-potty to do my reading. What can I say?
Frankly, I like my porta-potty. It�s nice and quiet there. During the
day it�s used, but at night there�s nobody around. I like it better than the
homeless shelter �cause I can sit in there all night jacking off, without
any homeless dudes wondering why I�m taking so long on the john.
And don�t worry, ladies. I leave the porta-potty�s front door
standing open in the morning. I don�t want anybody thinking it�s in use,
and they can�t use it. I realize that little kids sometimes don�t visit the
porta-potty if they see the door�s closed. They think it�s locked, or
they�re afraid some creepy dude might be hiding in there. (Or jacking off.)
So I leave the door standing wide open.
See, ladies? I AM considerate of our nation�s children. Heck, I think
about them all the time! And yes, I do think about them when I�m looking
at my porn. But how can I help that? I mean, the porta-potty�s outside of
a temporary classroom, at a school! Wouldn�t YOU think about children, if
you were at a school?
Don�t worry, ladies, I can see your final argument already: holy joe,
the homeless bum, walks around town all month with an armload of porn.
Surely that�s harmful, isn�t it? Wrong again, ladies! I go BACK to Tower
every day. Do you think I can hand them a big, heavy sack of porn and say,
�Please guard my porn while I go look at more porn.�? Not likely.
(Especially since my porn gets kinda stinky.) All Tower�s employees are
feminists. So I only get one night with my porn. (But it�s a good, long
night, so don�t feel sorry for me.) I even participate in the �Reading is
Fun-damental� program, by leaving my porn in the porta-potty, for others
to read. I figure that�s pretty generous, don�t you? I mean, what can be
more fun to read than porn? (Or more fundamental, cum to think of it...
being about birds and bees and all that.) (Especially when the porn
features lots of shots of the fundament!)
What a joy it is to see more and more porno magazines featuring
beautiful female bottoms! It used to be, all you ever saw was the tits, and
the cunt. But now I�m constantly blown (away) by how many lovely asses I
see.
Mayfair, Volume 32, Number 6, $6.99. E-mail: mayfair@pr-org.co.uk
(Holy Joe asks: �Ever hear of a �Web Site,� guys?�)
(Mayfair answers: �No. We Brits are all stupid. Only Americans,
who are much smarter than the British (and have a much larger empire,
too) know how to build a web site.�)
Mayfair features more lovely lasses than any American magazine.
And, as far as I can tell, these are girls; not sluts, whores, strippers, and
exhibitionists, as you see in Penthouse. Nor are they 27-year-old, ex-Rock
Star groupies, as you see more and more in Playboy. Best of all, given the
British predilection for bondage, (especially spanking), there are always
lots of lovely photos of girls� bottoms in Mayfair!
�Gabriella� is a nurse. Anyone who�s ever talked to nurses knows
that they don�t just get to start sticking IV�s into patients. No, first they
have to practise. In nursing school they practise sticking IV�s in each
other, taking each other�s blood, etc. Well, what about vaginal exams?
What about learning to properly take a patient�s temp in his bum?
Gabriella, being a blonde, is sorta dumb, and needs extra practise.
She and her friends resort to practising on each other, in their dorm, after
hours. On pg. 10 she is kneeling on a bed. She�s stripped herself to just
her white nurse�s jacket, which leaves her bottom usefully bare. She�s
poised ass upwards, her head down. She�s looking back, smiling, watching
as someone takes the temp of her friend (in the ass). Gabriella�s next, of
course, and as she watches her friend squeal she assures herself that she
won�t make a fuss when it�s her turn to feel that long glass thermometer
sliding up her own ass. But Gabriella�s never had her temp taken in her
butt before, so, who�s to say? She might just wind up squealing after all.
(I hope so, anyway!)
Incidentally, you can�t actually see any other people in the
�Gabriella� pictorial. You may wonder how I conjured up all those extra
nurses (plus a few male med students?) Well, friend, it was hard at first.
I really couldn�t figure out why in the world some 20-year-old nursing
student would be ass-up on a bed. I mean, shouldn�t she be SITTING on her
ass, learning her lessons from a book?
So I prayed to the Lord. �Please, Lord, give me Your guidance in
interpreting these photos so that I may convey their true meaning to the
Faithful.�
God told me he was in the john.
However, after hearing a big (but holy!) flush, the Lord spoke unto
me.
�What? AGAIN you need guidance interpreting Mayfair? I thought I
gave you guidance interpreting Mayfair just last month!�
I replied, �But this is a new issue, Lord.�
Eventually the Lord helped me. That, plus me yanking on my wiener,
provided me with the interpretation you are reading. But I hasten to add
that, despite my masturbating, not one jot or tittle of the Lord�s word has
been altered in any way!
�Mary� and �Tess,� while not abundantly attractive, provide one of
the hottest �lesbo� pictorials I�ve ever seen. I especially liked the shot of
Tess brushing her teeth while Mary washes her (own) face. Then, the girls
slip into nightshirts that are too short to cover their bottoms. Then they
engage in some very natural-looking, very hot lesbian sex. What a great
pictorial! It is far better than the unreal pictorials served up by Bob
Guccione, with girls in weird space gear.
See, guys aren�t really interested in innovation, in my opinion. We
just want more of the SAME. More nude, natural, barely-dressed girls, in
ordinary settings, doing natural-looking sex. Show them in their street
clothes, then getting ready for bed, then finally succumbing to each
others� charms. That�s IT! Nothing else is needed. Of course, every man
wants his own harem, so we guys need more new girls each month, doing
the same old �boring� things. And I don�t mind sex toys, even innovative
sex toys, provided you can imagine them being bought in a sex toy
boutique. But space gear is just �artsy-fartsy� nonsense.
Next up (of note) is Claire Cass. Despite a pictorial featuring milk,
cookies, and white panties, Claire struck me as being too old. Instead of
looking like a cute young girl, she suddenly looks like some guy�s older
sister. His Big Sister. The sister who�s too old to play with and has a
habit of telling you what you will and will not do.
Sure, Claire�s only 19, barely over the �age of consent,� and still
highly vulnerable to Adult Males, according to the (ever changing) feminist
orthodoxy. (Which now includes college students in the category known as
�our precious, vulnerable children.�)
Essentially, any child of yuppie parents is a �precious, vulnerable
child.� So expect 30-year-olds, in about a decade, to be ranked with �our
precious, vulnerable children,� who need to be protected from adult
company.
Be that as it may, FUCK DECENCY is not a feminist publication. It is
not subservient to the whims of feminist orthodoxy. Nor does it consider
the (ever changing) laws of man (really just laws of the mob, in a
democracy), to be of merit. So, in my opinion, Claire Cass is now too old.
Mayfair, however, redeems itself with the next pictorial. �Roxanne�
is the newest secretary in an office typing pool. She doesn�t work for any
rinky dink employer. She works for a big employer. (Specifically, the Holy
Joe Intergalactic Media Empire, Ltd.)
After hours, the company celebrates its astronomical quarterly
profit by having a party. It�s a black tie affair. As the newest secretary,
Roxanne has never been to one of the company�s parties before. So she�s
initiated by having to lift her jacket, drop her pants, and get her ass
caned. (This is on page 66). Then, it�s time for dancing. It�s hardly
possible for people to dance with all their formal clothes on. So everyone
strips, including Roxanne. (Page 67.) The rest of the night is spent in
wild revelry. At the end, Roxanne is left naked, except for a little black
bow-tie, still tied around her throat. (Page 69.)
My only complaint about the Roxanne pictorial is that it was too
short. I would have liked to have seen at least two more pages of her.
Instead the magazine bounces on to �Tina,� some 23-year-old lady.
Next Issue: �High Society� and �Real Babe� are reviewed.
AND IN THE END...
WHO NEEDS THE NET ?
�The clearest title of Assyria to a place in a history of
civilization was its libraries.�
- The Story of Civilization, by Will and Ariel Durant, Volume 1, pg. 277.
-------------------------- Fuck Decency! ------------------------
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-Naughty Naked Dreamgirls (Library of Congress ISSN: 1070-1427) is
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-END OF 287 EMISSION
- �As for Assyrian architecture, how can we estimate its excellence
when nothing remains of it but ruins almost level with the sand ... ?�
(Durant, pg. 280.)