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Andrew Roller Presents
FUCK DECENCY
Issue No. 226
Naughty Naked Dreamgirls in
Cunt Castle
Chapter One
Three couples passed us, the men in tuxes and the women wearing
evening gowns. We nodded. I gripped my dress tightly, trying not to look
obvious as to why. Louis� convertible rolled to a stop in front of us. The
doorman hopped out. Discreetly he offered me his hand, and I hoped he�d
not seen anything in his lazy roll up the last few feet of the restaurant�s
driveway. Or the couples, for that matter. With people in front of us,
behind us, I wished to get into the safety of Louis� car as quickly as
possible. The doorman opened the side door and seated me. I made sure
my skirt got tucked right up under my bottom. Louis plopped into the
driver�s side seat as Polly and Andre got in back.
�Louis!� I hissed. But he ignored me. As the car pulled away he
removed my panties from his pocket and handed them to the doorman.
�She won�t be needing these,� he grinned. The doorman smiled back,
glanced beyond him to me, and I hunched as fast as I could into a
humiliating crouch on the front seat. Behind me I heard Polly giggle into
her hands. Andre failed to suppress a chuckle.
�Louis! That was awful!� I sulked.
�You are young, I am young, the night is young, and we are free,� he
said, a whisp of the poetic in his voice, the lights of the restaurant
passing away behind us and a starry sky opening up ahead. I sat up a little.
I felt the long silkiness of my hair flow out behind me and into Andre�s
face. He was forced to move a little closer to Polly to get out of my hair.
She moved a little bit away, keeping her distance. She did not want him
toying with her clothes in the back seat, for she knew she�d lose them if
he did. Passersby would find 13-year-old girl�s panties on the road the
next day, a sock, a shoe, and think the worst.
Louis turned on the radio. My favorite song wafted into the night. Up
on a down escalator. A remake, by a new band. Or at least that�s what
Louis said. I�d never heard the original. I began to sway to the tune. I did
feel free. I wasn�t at home, like I was �supposed� to be, doing my
homework. I wasn�t even chatting with guys on the Internet. My mother
should at least be happy for that! You never know who you�re talking to on
the Net. It makes it exciting, but it can be a drag to. I was sure I was
talking to Sylvester Stallone for three whole weeks and then it turned out
to be the nerd down the street. He collected Stallone movies and I found
out (after the fact, of course) that he even published a zine about Stallone
called �Millions of Cunts and Dead Bodies.� He probably knew more about
Stallone than Stallone himself did. So I wound up being in his stupid zine.
When our �relationship� fell apart he wrote, �Bimbo Stoned on Stallone,�
and put all kinds of things in the story, including totally untrue stuff
about me that he�d made up.
MEN AND �MAGAZINES�
by holy cow
Mayfair, Volume 31, Number 13, $6.99.
Review: As part of my responsibilities for the Feminist League, I
went to Tower Books and bought the latest issue of Mayfair. On the way
back, on the bus, I was sitting next to this guy. He wanted to �read� the
issue. I don�t think, however, that his intentions were the same as mine. I
was merely picking up the issue to document instances in it of perversion,
for our proposed �harmful matter� statue in the Legislature. He, however,
appeared to actually want to stare at the young women in it. Not to see if
they have Ph.d.�s, or are properly demanding and assertive, but rather (get
this) to find out if they have �cute cunts and big tits�.
So, as an example of Male Depravity, I asked him to write a review
of this sick publication. Here it is:
(By the way, I didn�t ask his name, but he was short and fat and
needed a shave and told me he possessed the world�s largest penis.)
What a great issue! First, of course, I went straight to the issue�s
lesbian scene. This wasn�t as good as last issue. Last issue featured one
girl prying open the ass of another girl and looking into her ass crack.
That reminded me of The Story of O, in which it is written (pg. 150):
�She had run her hand softly, and at great length, over O�s rear...
��This is the last time you�ll see yourself intact,� she said. �Here,
on this smooth, rounded area is where Sir Stephen�s initials will be
branded, on either side of the cleft in your behind.�
So I really got off on last issue�s lesbian scene, seeing one girl pry
open the other�s bottom and stare into it. Unfortunately this issue�s
lesbian scene was pretty boring. It didn�t remind me of branding girls�
bottoms, or whipping them, or anything. Just two heavily made-up girls
lying on top of each other. Big deal.
However, there are other redeeming pictorials in this issue which
make it one of the very best issues I�ve ever seen!
Claire Cass is back again in this issue. The publisher promised three
pictorials of her, in three consecutive issues, and this is the third.
However, she must be extremely popular, because in the back of the
magazine it says that she is also going to be in NEXT month�s issue! Note
that all three of her pictorials were �encore� pictorials. Prior to the three
pictorials where she played a) a nurse, b) the �centerpiece� at a dinner
party and c) (in this month�s issue) a stewardess, Claire had ALREADY been
in a �standard� pictorial in Mayfair. (Plus an �interim� pictorial where she
talked about her favorite bar drinks.)
In next month�s Mayfair the publisher promises to feature her in a
pictorial as an art student. The one shot he published of her as an art
student looks very promising. I�m already hard and I have to wait a whole
month to see it!
So, in the meantime, while I�m waiting to jack off to Claire the Art
Student, I figured I�d speculate about why she is so popular. First, we
must do a scientific examination of all of Claire�s body parts. This is very
revealing. First, her tits are WAY too small. Next, her shoulders are too
broad in relation to the size of her tits. In addition to this, she has a fat
ass and fat thighs. In the face department, her eyes aren�t big enough and,
overall, one could argue that her face is rather plain.
So why are so many men all over the world absolutely crazy about
Claire Cass? (Including me.) One theory could be that she�s just an
average girl, and so men see her as �approachable.� However, I myself have
never fancied �approachable� girls. I always go straight for the Goddesses.
Spoilt, unmanageable, drop-dead beautiful girls who hopefully aren�t
bitches but usually are.
Now there is a second theory as to why Claire Cass might be so
popular. I hesitate to mention it on the Internet where children might find
this theory and read it. However, I feel relatively safe mentioning it in
alt.sex.stories. We all know that children are sex-less creatures until the
age of 18. So it�s virtually impossible that anyone under age 18 would be
snooping around in a newsgroup about sex. Children simply have no
interest in sex.
So, here�s theory number two: Men are attracted to Claire Cass
because she looks 12 years old. She has almost no tits and a very, very
youthful face.
If men do like Claire because she looks 12-years-old, then this can
be attributed to only one cause: feminism. I remember in the old days
when I used to look at girlie magazines. I had absolutely no consideration
in my mind as to whether the featured girl looked youthful. All I cared
about was that she looked �sexy.� That was a fairly indefinite standard.
All sorts of girls might look sexy. Often it depended on the talent of the
photographer who photographed them. But, nowadays, looking at a girlie
magazine, I find myself constantly evaluating how youthful the girl looks.
And, wouldn�t you know, gradually over time this attention to youthfulness
has evolved into a standard of beauty all its own. The younger the girl
looks, the better.
And this is quite amazing. In the 80�s and 90�s the feminists have
passed into law a great deal of legislation. Basically it all boils down to
this: a lone young man may not approach, look at, speak to, or be in the
presence of an �underage minor� female. I suppose the intent of such
legislation was to get all us men salivating over married 40-something
women who might be looking to dump their husbands. But, alas, the law
has produced instead the nubile Claire Cass.
One must wonder what would have happened if the aforesaid
legislation had applied not to young girls but rather to fat, hairy,
demanding and assertive women? Instead of masturbating over Claire
Cass, all us guys might be worshipping Andrea Dorkin. But by Legislating
male tastes, Ms. Dorkin and her ilk wound up making themselves even LESS
appealing than they already were! It�s as if I got a law passed saying
�Thou Shalt Like Only Nerds.� Seventeen years hence, the nerds would be
even less able to get a date than they are now. And they�d be blaming the
opposite sex for their fate, when in fact the only people who were really
at fault were themselves.
Yes, Andrea Dorkin, I have no interest in you. I only like Claire Cass.
And, while I�m not entirely sure why I jack off to her 10 times a day, it
could have something to do with the fact that she looks 12-years-old.
Since Claire is so wildly popular, I feel it�s incumbent upon me to
evaluate this entire issue based on the youthfulness standard. Hence, let
us proceed:
First, Our Diagram, from Best to Worst:
-----------------------------------
A. Youthfully Delicious (looks 12-years-old)
B. Basically Young
C. Fairly Young
D. Pleasantly Mature
F. Mature
�Victoria� (D) is almost too old but not quite. Stephen K. Morris
does an outstanding job of photographing this pleasantly mature young
lady.
�Sandy� (C) is 18 but looks older. She�s not quite �pleasantly
mature� but not as youthfully delicious as Claire. Her photographer does a
brilliant job of photographing her. I especially liked the shot of her legs
pulled very wide apart, plus the shot (always a favorite with me) of her
bending over and showing her ass.
�Jessica� (F) claims to be 19 but I think she�s lying. She looks way
older than that. She doesn�t even fall into the �pleasantly mature�
category but, rather, into the dreaded �Mature� category. She�s too old for
me. But she is very nicely photographed in a sexy sauna, complete with a
pail and a rough wooden bench.
Next cummes Claire! (A) Another wonderful pictorial. Our young
stewardess manages to show her bottom, her pussy, and everything in
between, after first showing us how prim and proper she can look all
dressed up in her Airline Hostess uniform. A glorious centerfold
accompanies this particular pictorial of Claire. It�s a luscious shot of her
serving (somebody) his drink. She�s wearing just long, black stockings,
without even a garter belt. And of course her lovely, slightly messy 12-
year-old-type hair tumbles loosely over her shoulders. Again, looking at
this centerfold, we see the strange allure of Claire. Her tits are obviously
too small and her shoulders are too big yet, I swear, this is the best
centerfold I�ve seen in years!
Next comes �Sarah.� (B) She is pleasantly young. The best part of
her pictorial is a GIGANTIC photo of her bending way, way over, so you can
see her lovely young ass in all its glory. As she bends over, she sucks her
thumb! This is truly one of the greatest photos I�ve ever seen in Mayfair,
or any magazine.
Next (this is sort of like being a doctor) comes �Carla.� (D) She
looks fairly mature (alas). She has a plain face but a great body.
Fortunately, despite her plain face, she�s a blonde. This is good as,
generally, masturbators prefer blondes. (Claire, amazingly, is a brunette,
not a blonde, yet wildly popular.) I felt �Carla�s� pictorial was fairly
boring, compared to the other pictorials in this issue. Yet it does have
several excellent shots in it, particularly the one where she�s trying to sit
on the arm of a chair.
Lastly, there�s �Diana.� (B) This girl looks nice and young but,
unfortunately, she also looks like Satan�s daughter. Perhaps it�s because
her eyes seem to have a slightly oriental look to them. Nonetheless, if
anyone needs a Devil girl, a Vampire, or a daughter of Satan in his movie, I
highly recommend this girl. Excellent boobs and an excellent body and a
vicious, �take no prisoners� face.
Despite �Diana�s� rather deadly appearance, there is a wonderfully
vulnerable butt shot of her. It reminded me of a line in Beatrice, in which
it is written (pg. 44):
�Caroline was lying naked on her bed, face down. Her wrists and
ankles were bound... Aunt Maude was swishing a long slender cane lightly
across her tight, pink cheeks. Caroline�s face was flushed. At every
contact of the cane she jerked her hips and whimpered.�
(The book �Beatrice� was published by Grove Press. Then Blue Moon
bought the book and changed its title. Now Blue Moon is, apparently, out of
business. I believe Masquerade Books may own �Beatrice� now, but under
what new name they might be publishing this classic of Victorian
literature I do not know.)
So, let�s sum up our evaluation of Mayfair. Claire Cass looks
youngest of all, and she gets the centerfold. Sarah is probably the next
youngest looking, and she�s on the cover. So it�s obvious that the feminist
agenda has completely backfired and turned lots of guys into liking and
lusting after Girls instead of Women. Naturally, the feminist agenda of
�Thou Shalt Like Only Women� was doomed to fail in any event. But it was
REALLY doomed when it was passed into law by our wonderful government.
Everybody knows that government�s plans frequently backfire. Welfare
doesn�t help the poor, it creates dependency. DARE doesn�t deter kids from
drugs, it shows them how to use illegal drugs in an intelligent manner.
The television ratings system doesn�t �protect� children. Rather, in the
words of one critic, �It lures children to the very programs we�re trying
to shield them from.� So, naturally, a stupid feminist plot enacted into
law CREATED exactly the very thing it was designed to eliminate. It
spawned Claire Cass and, frankly, it�s the reason JonBenet Ramsey has
been turned into a national obsession. At least in the 1970�s Brooke
Shields was a healthy national obsession. She was a live 12-year-old
playing a prostitute in a movie. Now, in the 90�s, thanks to feminism, the
girl is not 12 but 6 (JonBenet), and she�s not alive, but dead.
Naturally, of course, failure has never stopped either feminism or
the government. If crime goes up, police funding isn�t reduced because
they�re doing a bad job controlling crime. Instead, the police get more
funding! So now we have porno magazines offering �The Youngest Babes
Allowed By Law.� (In Hustler.) We have magazines specifically devoted to
presenting ONLY 18-year-old girls. (Hudson Hawk, and others.) And we
have pictorials, such as in Mayfair, where the girls are frequently dressed
up in colorful kid�s sneakers. So of course that requires yet more
legislation (the Hatch Act), which will only exaggerate the need for
youthfulness. I myself have almost gotten to the point of refusing to buy
any girlie magazine that doesn�t feature young-looking babes. I mean, take
Penthouse. All the �girls� in Penthouse look old. I�m sick of seeing these
strippers and dancers that Bob Guccione puts in his magazine. Another
undressed stripper -- what a bore! Even Playboy is fairly boring. Lots of
the Playmates look way too mature. Sometimes they�re even married! In
the old days I never thought about these things but now I do. PBS�s Anne
Taylor-Fleming put it best: �The younger the better!�
Such are the fruits of feminism. Sorry, ladies, but I wouldn�t fuck
you even if you paid me to. I don�t even want to look at photos of you!
Well, there you have it, ladies. Another sick pervert that one meets
on the bus when one is trying to conserve energy by using mass transit. If
I meet any more weirdos like him, I�m buying a volvo.
AND IN THE END...
ATTENTION, FEMINISTS!
�The point is to make men�s necks snap backwards.�
- People, March 24, 1997, pg. 95.
(Not by kicking them in the balls but by letting your underwear show. -
h.j.)
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