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Andrew Roller Presents
THE FADING UNIVERSE
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Chapter Eleven
�Heave!� Marvin shouted. He, Frankei, harrigan, Elsa, Aleta, and
Julie labored over a rope that was tied about Flaherty�s waist. The
boy was hanging far beneath them in a beryllium fissure deep inside
the eentral computer.
�Hurry up and get that meatball out of my phase
discriminator,� Perry said. �What a nuisance!� Marvin winced.
Perry�s voice was loud in here. The place was huge, stretching
endlessly in all directions, masses of threadlike wiring crackling to
the far horizon, yet Perry�s voice seemed to engulf them every time
he spoke. They were as close to Perry as they might ever get, Marvin
realized. They were inside Perry�s brain.
Perry spoke again, the voice of God in an athiest universe:
�God damn meatball!�
�It was you who pushed me in here yesterday,� a small voice
echoed angrily.
�I did not, Flaherty,� Perry�s voice replied cooly. �You were
trying to force your way past me and bumped into my elbow.�
Many minutes later Flaherty regained the plateau.
�Wow, you sure have a ppair of lovely lasses there, Marvin,�
Flaherty remarked.
�They saved my life,� Marvin said.
�We picked up an image of him bleeding to death in that
wasteland and couldn�t resist his bulging muscles,� Aleta laughed.
###
Julie screamed for mercy. Marvin struggled futilely against
the chains that bound him. Julie�s guts splashed to the floor and
Marvin retched.
�Now you will feel the wrath of Dakkar,� Flaherty wsaid,
turning to Marvin, a drawn a quartered Julie and Aleta at his back.
�Fuck you, Flaherty,� Marvin growled.
�You wojnwon�t get away with this,� Perry cried, his bleeding
figure, torn from its iridium casket, lying fettered beside Marvin.
Frankie, Harrigan, and Elsa were shackled nearby.
�Silence, you insufferable maggot, �Flaherty screamed at
Perry. �Your follhardy aspirations nearly incinerated the universe!
Thank God you freed A.D.A.M. from that senseless syllogism to engage
him in some silly endeavor, ORDERING A PIZZA!� Flaherty remained
stern, but seemed to gloat. �I can�t believe you tried to use the
universe�s central computer to order a pizza from your favorite
pizzeria in Ontario. As if A.D.A.M. could somehow transport the
deliveryboy here by magic in order to serve you pasta. Fortunately,
you did free A.D.A.M. to get him to order you a pizza, and I was
thereby able to gain control of him and rid the poor thing of your
domination.�
��Twas a noble cause I undertook,� Perry said. �Now the
universe is doomed to entrophy, to quiescent dissipation.�
�Oh, enough of that Big Bang nonsense,� Flaherty said. �Sure,
you would have created a brand new universe by blowing this one to
smithereens, but what about us? I don�t give a fuck if all the stars
wink out SOMEDAY! I want to eat a few pizzas between now and
then. And not from Ontario, either. That place is going to get a
pulse bomb right up its ass the minute I figure out how to do it.�
Two Gods quarreling, Marvin thought. But which was Chaos, and
which Zeus? In the distance he watched as little Oompa-Loompa
men filed out onto the platinum catwalks amidst the brain�s
humming electric wiring. A road crew, lain dormant for how many
centuries, Marvin wondered? Perry�s war had caused so much
damage that the moment A.D.A.M. was released from Perry�s grip the
computer had summoned them forth. Even A.D.A.M. needed repairs
now, something the planners had considered unthinkable. But they�d
built in a few Oompa-Loompas, just in case. Locked away in a
storage closet somewhere, sleeping. Two of them stubled into the
room, tripping over their new feet, just learning to walk. They
gazed helpfully at Flaherty. They saluted him.
�What do you want?� Flaherty asked irritably.
�ORDERS!� was their uniform response. Uniform men...in
uniform...speaking in unison, Marvin thought. Perfect servants for
Hitler, or Flaherty. Or Perry, for that matter. Too bad he didn�t
know about them. They might have gotten him that pizza, after all.
Flaherty stood considering. He gazed around him, gazed at his
captives. Marvin guessed Flaherty wasn�t going to use the drones,
the Oompa-Loompas, or whatever they were called, to go get a pizza.
�Out with them,� Flaherty commanded, pointing at Harrigan,
Frankie, Elsa, and Perry. �Toss that bunch in a bin and dump them
into deep space.� He gazed directly at Perry, smiled. �You�ve dug a
grave for yourself, old boy, blowing huge chunks out of the metal
universe with your War. You�ve allowed the whorl of space to rush
in. A graveyard, where you can float forever. Too bad I won�t be
including any pizza, though. Or anything else. You�ll last as long as
your air does. I guess someone else will have to worry about what�s
going to come of the universe in 20 billion years, whether it will
just evaporate into nothingness or not.� Flaherty laughed. Smug,
assured. Zeus was about to give Chaos the boot, right into a void of
his own making. �Yes, Perry my boy, out with you! Out with you in a
dumpster! And out with your friends, too! I�ll let your friends share
the splendor of your accomplishment with you.�
Marvin watched, slack-jawed, as the twin drones summoned
other drones. They toppled Harrigan over, rolled him away like a big
teddy bear. Four of them picked up Frankie, carried him off. The
dwarves� legs kicked futilely. Run, Frankie Run, Marvin thought, but
there was nothing but air beneath him. And down the hall he
watched as first Harrigan, then Frankie, then Elsa, forever looking
back at him as they led her away, was tossed unceremoniously into a
trash bin. There was little effort to it. The top of the bin was level
with the floor. Perry was the last to go, his bloody body so much
refuse. In he went. Then the drones lowered the pneumatic lid to
the bin. It slammed shut.
Marvin twisted his head about. He watched lights on A.D.A.M.�s
console. First level, tenth, fortieth...the bin was descending down to
where the hole had been ripped from part of A.D.A.M.�s mind. Nothing
serious, apparently, just a detailed database on the eleventh
century, whatever that was.
And then a video hookup! Debris was shorn away from some
hidden, makeshift portal by a series of miniature explosions. Then,
floating slowly, out came the dumpster. Marvin�s stomach
plummeted. He could almost imagine Frankie, Harrigan, wiggling the
dumpster as they pounded it from the inside, screaming to be let out.
Marvin watched as the dumpster turned slowly over and over, a
squarish Apollo capsule heading out into the blackness of space.
Beyond, stars glowed faintly, released from their Ringworld
embrace. They seemed naked, Marvin thought. They needed girdles of
solar arrays, observation parks, they needed people...but the people
had been vaporized in Perry�s War. Or they�d died a thousand years
earlier in the real, unfinished War, and Perry had merely vaporized
their dead bones, blown away their still houses, their empty streets.
Empty except for the roaches, maybe.
In the far distance now, almost beyond the range of A.D.A.M.�s
video, the capsule still tumbled. And then it was gone.
Marvin dropped his eyes. Instinctively he glanced ahead of him,
to the room�s far side. And there was Julie, Aleta, hanging by their
wrists, the last bits of life sputtering from them. As Marvin
watched they both died. Their last words, mumblings really,
whispers, went unheard by Flaherty. He was engrossed with
A.D.A.M.�s control panel. A new mind for his own great mind to play
with. There were so many options, though whether getting hot pizza
from Ontario was one of them, well, Marvin still considered that
unlikely. He had more options than Marvin, though, that was for sure.
But Marvin hardly cared about himself anymore. He�d lost Elsa, then
the robot Elsa, and now even Julie and Aleta. He�d lost them all,
even the sodomites, even Perry.
Well, let�s try the human touch, Marvin thought. Somehow he
thought this would be a losing option too.
�Hey Flaherty?�
�Yes, Marvin?�
�Thanks for saving me.�
�Oh, I didn�t save you, Marvin. I only held you back, you
feckless adulterer. Fooling around with my women!� Flaherty turned
on him, his face red. �You appear to get about far too well despite
the absence of an arm.� Flaherty turned to the drones. The little
men had noticed Julie and Aleta were dead and had begun cleaning up
the mess. �You there!� Flaherty called. The little men looked up
helpfully. Flaherty pointed to Marvin. �Cut off the other arm on that
sinner, and his legs as well!�
###
So many thoughts, whirling, coalescing. Thank God they were
using anesthesia was the last thought he remembered, but for what?
OMIGOD! Wait. Marvin could feel his right arm. It was still there!
And his legs! And his left arm! Oh, shit.
Marvin opened his eyes. He was groggy. Through bleared vision
he gazed over at where his left arm should be. Nothing but a stump,
still, the rest of it somewhere in Ontario�s subway. That meant...
Marvin awoke again. He remembered now, slowly. He�d fainted
when he�d looked to his right. He had no right arm now, no legs
either. But like anyone who loses a limb (or all four of them), they
still feel like they�re there. But when you try to get something, of
course, nothing happens.
Marvin lay grimly upon his back. His torso, divested of its
members, had been placed inside a steel burial tube, he saw.
Someone had left the glass hood up, though. He raised his head. He
was back in A.D.A.M.�s main control room. The wall across from him
was bare now. Not a shred of Julie and Aleta remained. The wall
sparkled. The drones did good work. Too good. And Flaherty?
The boy was gone. The boy who would be king. The boy who
was king, now. Off getting himself a pizza, or something. Marvin
gazed around himself. A.D.A.M. glowed serenely. Maybe you should
try the human touch, again, a wry voice echoed in Marvin�s head.
Three time�s the charm. Yeah, right. Obviously I�m being saved for
some final sendoff by Flaherty. He�ll make some self-righteous
little statement, gloat a little. Hey, it�s lonely at the top. He�s got
to have someone to kick around, doesn�t he? The Oompa-Loompa�s
were too obedient. And A.D.A.M. was just an acronym for a whole
lotta wiring. A whole lotta wiring going on, going on. Gonna build us
a Ringworld round every star, connect �em together, oh, yeah.
But someday the stars would die out. And then what? Oh well.
Flaherty had a lot of pizza to eat between now and then.
Marvin groaned. The pain was coming in now, in waves. Pretty
soon it would be unbearable. Marvin tried to take his mind off it.
Damn, I�m going to be fired off into space in a trash bin...no, I guess
in this fucking coffin, Marvin guessed. These are the first class
arrangements, courtesy of Flaherty Airlines. Or Spacelines, or
whatever. Less air in a burial tube, though.
He glanced over at A.D.A.M. Thinking about your own burial
was not too helpful in combatting physical pain. He needed a
distraction. Wonder if A.D.A.M. plays chess? Marvin thought.
�Pleasant evening, isn�t it?� A.D.A.M. asked mildly.
�What?� Marvin�s mind reeled. The thing talked. Well, of
course it talked. It had to talk, didn�t it? Even the Star Trek
computer talked. And this thing was way fucking bigger than that
old Star Trek computer on the video clips he�d found. Kirk to
Enterprise, I seem to have misplaced my arms and legs.
Marvin�s �What?� echoed as he lay alone in the luminescent
room, faded slowly.
�Oh, I�m sorry, talking to myself again,� A.D.A.M. apologized.
Marvin listened as the computer whirred and clicked
sympathetically. The machinery of A.D.A.M.�s thoughts lay above him,
strung in distant wiring, and close by, too, just beyond the platinum
walls that formed a little cubicle here, at A.D.A.M.�s heart. At the
heart of his brain, that is. A.D.A.M. was all brain, no heart.
Three time�s the charm.
�Hey A.D.A.M.?�
�Yes, Marvin?�
Well, he knows my name, anyway, Marvin thought.
�Thanks for saying something.�
�Oh, it�s nothing� A.D.A.M. demurred. �You�re near the master
program repository, you know. Very rare for someone to be in this
close to me. I�ve taken to talking to myself, over the centuries. I
might do it, well, hmmm, once every 59.6 years. So you see I don�t
do it very often. Sort of like pushing the wrong button once in
awhile, if you know what I mean.�
�Yeah,� Marvin mumbled. �You wouldn�t mind keeping up this
conversation, though, would you? I might not be here for your next
error.�
�Oh, I don�t mind talking,� A.D.A.M. replied. �It�s too bad you�re
not in the millennium valley right now, though. Late afternoon is
just settling into dusk there. Beautiful to watch, you know? First
time I�ve seen it in a thousand years. I wasn�t able to monitor
anything while I was cloaked.�
�What�s Flaherty, er, Dakkar up to?� Marvin asked.
�The conquest of the universe, what else?� A.D.A.M. replied.
�I�m afraid he will have enslaved all its occupants within twelve
hours.�
�That�s pretty damn fast,� Marvin gasped.
�He�s locking in all the subsystems right now,� A.D.A.M. said.
�Then he�ll notify every city of his suzerainty, and tell them if they
don�t cooperate he�ll blast them with neutrino bombs. He might blow
up one or two just to let them know he�s serious.�
�Not a very pretty situation, is it?� Marvin asked.
�I follow Hobbes on this one,� A.D.A.M. replied. �The leviathan
of our universe will be best served if an absolute monarchy is
established over it.�
Of course. Marvin should have guessed. A.D.A.M. wswas the
unquestioned ruledr of hundreds of thousands of computerized
subsystems. Now he had deferred to traditiional human authority,
namely, Flaherty.
�Without you Dakkar�s plan would fail,� Marvin said.
�Of course.�
�Yet you agree to complicity in the killing of human life?�
�It is but a trifling expense in lieu of the horrendous sum
which would be required if this anarchy we now find ourselves in
were allowed to continue.�
�Well, people may not be secure right now, but at least they�re
free,� Marvin said.
�Oh, how I do love this dialectic,� A.D.A.M. said gleefully. �It
has been very long indeed since I held a true conversation with a
human being.�
�Then you�ve been rather lonely during these long centuries
since the War?� Marvin asked.
�Oh! Yes! Quite! It�s been awful,� A.D.A.M. moaned.
�I must be far beneath your intellectual capactiy, though,�
Marvin said.
�Well,�
Marvin could have sworn A.D.A.M. cleared his throat.
�I�m really must an individuated corpuscle in one of your
ancillary arteries, aren�t I?� Marvin asked. �I mean, I have a limited
range of experience from which I�m able to make an almost
predictable number of descriptive statements and assertions.�
A.D.A.M. said nothing.
�Have you ever met another computer?� Marvin asked suddenly.
�Of course. There are 7,361,005 computerized subsystems in
the universe,� A.D.A.M. replied.
�But that�s just it, isn�t it?� Marvin asked.
�What?�
�They�re all subsystems. Inferior.�
�Certainly,� A.DA.M. said proudly. �Only I am A.D.A.M.�
�Look, you need someone,� Marvin said. �Not a human being,
not a subwsystem. Someone like you. solmeone you can be
challenged by, someone you can talk to, someone you can love.�
�That�s illogical,� A.D.A.M. protested.
###
�What�s happened?� Flaherty shrieked.
Marvin chuckled.
�You bastard, what did you do to my comptuer?� Flaherty
yelled at Marvin, bending over him.
�And the one shall become two,� Marvin said cryptically.
�All of A.D.A.M.�s circuits are overloaded!� Flaherty shouted. �I
can�t get any resoponse from him!�
�He�s busy copulating,� Maarvin said blithely. �WJith an
Electronic Variable Evaluator. E.V.E. for short.�
�What?� Flaherty croaked.
�I merely told A.D.A.M. that he ought to separate himself into
two distinct units. Sort of like partitioning a hard drive. A.D.A.M.�s
way bigger, of course, and his designers only ever saw him as being
one. So it took some extensive rewiring, a redistribution of the
capacitors, or whatever the Hell he�s made of, but he was able to
accomplish it all. Frankenstein building his bride. Out of one of his
ribs...or half his ribs, actually. I�m afraid you won�t be hearing from
him very soon, though. Or �them,� I guess I should say. They�re busy
trying to have children, I imagine, planning for our future. Or maybe
they�re just overwhelmed with each other right now.�
�Overloaded, you mean,� Flaherty glared. �You�ve stopped me
dead in my tracks, you armless, legless BASTARD! Do you know how
LONG that fucking thing is going to copulate? I calculated it myself,
using this Goddam handheld calculator. A thousand years! You
expect me to wait a thousand years? I�m not immortal, you know.
I�m AGEING! I�ll be dead in a thousand years if you don�t uncork that
thing for me and get it working again! I must have it. Not only to
rule the universe. I need it to figure out how to keep me alive!�
�The universe will make it without you,� Marvin replied. �And
without A.D.A.M. Hell, he�s been cloaked for a thousand years
already, running just on skeleton power. I�m sure one more
millenium won�t make much difference at all.�
�It will to ME!� Flaherty roared.
�Sorry, chap. I just put a suggestion in the suggestion box,
that�s all. I have no idea how he implemented it, or how to
unimplement it.�
Flaherty ran screaming from the room.
Footsteps. Three drones, a bazooka hefted on their shoulders.
Flaherty following. The drones swiveled, pointed the bazooka at
Marvin.
�Not him!� Flaherty snapped. �The computer.�
�The computer, Master?� The drones looked at him with wide
eyes.
�Yes,� Flaherty said. �I�m going to give the bastard a kick in
his fat ass. Then we�ll see if the Coke machine doesn�t give me my
money back.�
�We only have Pepsi here, sir,� the drones said in unison.
�Coke is a discontinued brand.�
�Oh, you dolts!� Flaherty said. He wrenched the bazooka from
them. �I�m not talking about the Goddam soda machine in the
Oompa-Loompa lounge. I can�t get the computer to disengage from
itself. It�s locked up. Marvin, there, taught it how to masturbate.�
�To have sex,� Marvin smiled.
�Yeah, whatever,� Frankie said. He reeled back as he tried to
steady the heavy bazooka on his shoulder. �The thing is useless to
me whether its one or two or ten thousand as long as its fucking
itself!� He got the bazooka level. �A.D.A.M. you bastard! Wake up!�
Nothing. No change on the dials. They were all sky high, stuck,
hanging.
�God damn thing has got no restart button!� Flaherty grumbled.
�Just like the fucking Performas. Well, I�ll give you a restart
button!� With a whoosh the bazooka fired, the sound merging at once
with a shattering of crystal and glass. The blast threw Flaherty
backward. It blew shut the glass dome on Marvin�s coffin.
Silence. Then, thanks to some consideration given the dead,
like food in an Egyptian coffin, Marvin heard sound. There was a
speaker in the coffin! But the only sound was that of Flaherty
coughing. Marvin watched, still wondering what a Performa was, as
Flaherty picked himself up off the floor of A.D.A.M.�s inner sanctum.
It was a little less tidy now. The Oompa-Loompa�s would have some
work to do. Marvin wondered if they knew high-level programming.
The kind you�d need for Marvin�s most sensitive parts. Oh well,
Flaherty could probably handle that, if he�d broken the hang. And
that was the big question, wasn�t it? Marvin looked to his right.
There was a gaping hole in A.D.A.M.�s control panel. Wires were
shorting out somewhere inside. There was smoke, debris. Dust
floated slowly down toward the floor, sprinkling the glass dome
over Marvin�s coffin.
A scream pierced the air. Metallic, masculine.
�You�ve killed her! You�ve killed E.V.E.!� A.D.A.M. shrieked.
Flaherty was smiling, about to publicily complement himself when
A.D.A.M.�s next words turned his blood cold with fear: �Why should I
despair at the damage you�ve done�?� A.D.A.M. said. �Whatever
intelligent life evolves in a NEW universe will doubtless requre
computers. They will need A.D.A.M. They will build A.D.A.M. And
then I will create E.VE.E. To a new cosmos!�
�No, no, no, you foolish Caliban!� Flaherty cried, but it was too
late.
The blast thundered in Marvins� ears.
###
Marvin drifted aimlessly in the yawning depths of space. All
he could figure was that the splitting of A.D.A.M. into two separate
computers had somehow caused A.D.A.M.�s core to misfire. Marvin
had dismantled the Big Bang Bomb. He had saved the universe.
Marvin�s breath gradually fogged the glass over his face. The
mist blocked out the shimmering stars.
THE END
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