Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 {MG Mole Hand IR NS
   ...G-?  Tran Race (Hisp) FT Saph Teen Toys Wood.  mt Cons.
   I know about Sexual Compulsion, from Experience.  That part of this
story is the rationale of a sexually predatory sociopath.  Consider the
source.  INS what'll be triggering in this one, there's no overt sexual
violence, but it ain't pure clean neither.}
   Charley {MG Voye Hebe Solo Virg Fant NS.  MG Flash.}
   I scouted around the side of the Shelter.  St.  Ignatius, they had
showers, and a "Dining Hall," but I don't want to stay there another night.
Too crowded, sleeping on floor mats after folding up the tables, and
chairs, like Jail.  I could volunteer, for a few months to stay on the list
for bunks, if I wanted to.  I took a peek in, even smaller, and crowded
with the top bunk almost to the ceiling, and barely a foot-locker apart.
   But I still had my tent, camo net, cooking gear.  I'm a survivalist, you
could say, but just staying alive is a bare minimum.  I'd like to Live too.
This looks good, though.  I dropped off my gear, and did a walk around. 
Not even game-trails, through the leaf-litter, but plenty of deadfall. 
Make sure it's not to close too the school.  Around back, the grey bus said
"St.  Agnes" with a cross, Catholic.  Girls, I'm not going to call the
uniform a turn-on, but when you get to be my age, and get a woody, well I
was never one to pass up an opportunity.
   That's a joke, see I was diagnosed by the court's shrink.  Opportunistic
Offendor, they called me.  At least I got out, and off parole before they
started making us register, hold down a job, to pay rent so they had an
address to put it to.  You want me living in your neighborhood?  That's
okay, I went through the mandated therapy, got a good line on what's wrong
with me, and I'm even trying to be a good boy.  I'm not a sociopath, no
really.  I can be moral, I was just never given a chance to learn it.
   Not like these girls, sheltered, innocent.  Raised proper, modest,
honestly the uniforms covered a little too much.  I could just hope for a
twirl, cartwheel, or one of them to hang under the monkeybars.  For her
skirt to flap up, over the high white socks, creamy young thighs, and white
cotton panties.  Virgins, at least some of them, maybe most.  Imagine all
those cherries just waiting to be popped.  "Uhn!" I couldn't keep my eyes
open, but I didn't need to see them any more.  Already squirting up, and
out, to splash in my hand.
   "Hey mister!" It smeared on my pants from me fumbling at them.  Luckily,
the bush I was hiding behind covered it.  "Are you peeing?" She giggled,
and covered her mouth.
   "Want to see?" she didn't say anything, but looked down.  Her eyes
followed me, around the bush, so I pulled it back out, and stepped around a
tree-trunk.  "I don't have to any more." I just went.
   She gasped, and ran off.  I'm no kid, didn't even feel a twitch, so I
tucked back in, licked my hand, and picked up some deadfall.  Before
someone saw me.  Hope she doesn't tell, but I was just peeing, and she
might have seen it.  Honest officer!  Lucky I didn't unpack yet, I might
need to move.  The Groundskeeper was over by the back fence, with a
generator running in the back of her pickup.  So, I went the other way.  It
was cleared to the fence, maybe about 10', so I couldn't just climb up high
enough to jump over.
   Bars, painted black, with about 3' bent out on top.  Sharpened to
points, though there weren't any spear heads, or fleur de lis.  What?  I
was a boy scout.  Yeah, I could get over it, but they'd see me, and what
would be the point?  They'd accuse me of chasing the girls even if I
didn't. I can't even say what I would do, given the chance.  Too close
together to pass a baby through, though.
   She looked exotic, Hispanic, or maybe one of those off-yellow Orientals,
Hawaiin, or Indian?  Long straight black hair, it swung behind her when she
ran off, and so did her skirt.  Blue, not plaid, some sort of Sweater vest
with St.  Agnes on the breast.  I don't know, maybe about 12?  Not flat as
a board, the logo pulled out a little bit on the start of a bump.  I wonder
if she had any hair on it yet?
   I hadn't been with a child in decades, practicly was one myself, and it
was a boy when I was a teen.  "Statutory Rape" since I was technicly to
old, and he was to young.  Sodomy too, since it was still on the books in
that state.  Crimes against Nature.  So, the last one had to be, well I
won't give her name, but 11-13 before we had to stop.  I have to admit, I
like that.  Watching them grow up, from right before they start 'till they
have nice little boobies, and a little patch of fur.
   Not my type, really.  I don't have one, I'm bisexual, and don't really
care how old they are.  No younger than that, surely, but that's such an
interesting age.  A period I never went through myself, so the best I can
do is watch it.  Maybe feel it a little, if I can get my hands on her.  I'm
not really cut-out for long term relationships, but it takes a couple
years, and I can stick around, if I have a good reason.  Like I'll ever
talk to her again, probably scared her off, just hanging out of my fly. 
Imagine if she saw it when it was full grown!
   It dried up, "And his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly
jacking off, when he can't find a rape-victim!" ~Know Your Dope Fiend, H.
S. Thompson.  I guess those bars are to protect her, as much as keep her
in, but its got to suck, being a caged little girl like that.  I can't
imagine.  Empathy is a trick, another one I could learn, I really just
gotta remember to think about it.  I picked, and scraped most of it off,
set up camp, and grabbed my other pants.  The bus was coming back, so soon
they'd close the gate, and I could be first in line.
   They usually spend the first few minutes lining up, getting their food,
and eating.  So, I can head straight for the bathroom, and there's still a
full tank of hot water.  Haven't even started up the Dishwasher yet.  Just
1 stall, no waiting, when they started coming in, and talking to each
other. I got out, dried off, unrolled my pants.  Becky, the kitchen
coordinator was in her office.  She guessed my name from memory.  "Charley
on the streets."
   "How can I help you?"
   "You got the Volunteer list handy?" They kept it on the counter, when
they weren't serving.
   "You want the waiting list for beds too?"
   "That's alright," I signed it, "I sleep better outdoors, unless it's
freezing.  Can I get a razor, though?" She handed me a ziploc from the
toiletries box, hospital soap, shampoo, conditioner, lotion.  Trade goods,
or you can just use the leftovers in the shower stall like I do.  The
lotion especially, real popular on the streets.  I grabbed a tray on the
way out, the line was almost gone except for stragglers.  They hadn't
called for seconds yet, and I didn't want to fight for the surplus while
supplies lasted.  Instead, I checked out the Clothing room when it opened,
nothing new, dropped off my old pants, and found a pair of 44s.  They
washed the donations, of course, so I didn't have to spange for the
laundromat.
   The little things, let me live simply, instead of spending it all flying
a sign, waiting in line for benefits, or hunting, and foraging.  Which
means free time, a luxury on the streets.  To volunteer, you can keep your
beds in that petri-dish of a shelter.  I'm no germaphobe, but a simple cold
could really cramp my lifestyle, and crowded in like that, they just passed
the same ones around all year.  No thanks.
   The secret is being Rentless, not Homeless.  Learn what you can do
without, then find how to get what you can't.  Then maybe better goals,
like Self Actualization.  Or more access to the grounds.  If I play my
cards right, I just might talk to her again, or at least learn her name.
   Gloria {G Solo Fond NS.}
   He was hairy, I saw it!  Well, he also had a Santa Claus beard, only
brown.  He wasn't dirty, or he didn't look it, and I couldn't smell him way
back there.  He didn't look fat either, not very, though he had on baggy
clothes.  I went to bed in the dorm, prayed, and fell right to sleep, but I
remembered when I woke up.  I took my clothes to the showers, they had a
metal mirror screwed in over the sinks, and I looked at myself.  I hate
these damned training bra things, if you'll forgive my language.  It made
my nipples ache when I took it off, I wouldn't even wear them if they
didn't make me.
   I was getting skinny, and gawky.  If I'm going to live here, then why do
I have to grow up?  It's all gross, bleeding, and feeling all weird inside,
and my privates itch.  Why couldn't I just stay a child until I'm done with
my courses, and I can join the cloister?  It's a convent, really.  They do
works, for the Jesuits like the shelter, and call the little trailer for us
an Orphanage.  The Mass is open to the public, but the main thing is the
convent, the school to teach women to become nuns.  I was ready, but the
church wasn't, for me to marry Christ.  I knew all the saints, and martyrs,
the history, and I'd read The Book so many times I could probably recite
the whole thing from memory.
   If they'd just let me take the test, I'd pass.  Then I can grow up, but
the church doesn't work that way.  In class we were on the Sacrament of
Confession, when we got to that.  Again, same lesson every year, maybe this
time I'd close my eyes for the quiz.  A different seminary student came in
for practice, we set up chairs, and a partition.  Took turns.
   "Forgive me father, for I have sinned.  It has been a year since my last
confession, and I got my period." The girls giggled so the sisters had to
shush them.  "So," I sighed, "I guess I have been thinking about boys, a
little.  I never really see them, or get to talk to them, being an orphan."
Sometimes we go on a field trip, or the museum.  I had seen some, through
the windows, but even when we stop for lunch, they bring in the burgers,
and we eat them on the bus.  "Huh!  I don't think about, doing anything,
but I just wish I could talk to one.  Okay, that's a lie.  I want him to
kiss me, and maybe hold hands."
   "Prude."
   "Jessica!"
   "Sorry," I shrug.
   "It's all right, continue..."
   "That's about it," I lied again.  I didn't want to get him in trouble,
but I couldn't help thinking about him, instead of listening to the
Priest-in-training.
   I got up, and pretended to listen to the other girls, but I looked out.
At the fence, but I didn't see him, between it and the woods.  I didn't
tell him about wanting to run away, climb over that fence and jump down. 
Run into the woods, but how would I survive?  Not that there's any Big Bad
Wolves out there, But what do I know?  What would I eat?  Where would I
sleep, or would I freeze to death, shivering under a log in the rain?
   "Huh!" I sighed again.  The sisters say there's bad men out there, in
the world, but he doesn't seem like a bad man.  A little raggedy, rough
around the edges, may be, but I bet he knew.  How to find food, where to
sleep.  Maybe he could show me, and keep me warm at night.  I bet he was
very warm.
   After school, we got to play while Ruth got the bus ready, and took most
of the girls home.  They were lucky, they just came for school, then they
could go back to their fathers, and brothers.  Some of them had boyfriends,
or the older ones did.  None of the ones in my class confessed anything,
too dirty, but they talk in the restroom, or the school yard.  Sometimes,
they get to see their brothers jerking off, and do that fist pump thing. 
Like rochambeau, but just Rock Rock Rock with a hole in the middle.  The
really grown up ones say they sometimes get to give their boyfriends
hand-jobs, or blow jobs, right before they graduate.  And giggle, because
it's kind of dirty.
   I went off to the corner.  Away from everyone, there's some grass, and
sometimes I find worms, when it rains.  Even the occasional frog, but it
was dry, so I got an idea.  I looked around, but there's a hill, and the
lawn slopes down this way.  So, I put my legs together, squatted down like
that, and pulled my underpants down.  When nobody was looking, sometimes we
run down here to pee, instead of all the way down to the Dining Hall under
the Sanctuary.  I didn't have to pee again, not really, but I squeezed
until I heard it trickling down on the grass.  I pulled them up quick,
before anybody saw, and dug around with a stick, but I didn't find any
worms.  The other day, I found a snake, and chased the other girls around
with it.
   It was just a game, they laughed, and it was just a little rat-snake.  I
held it so it didn't bite me, or anybody, but it was fun.  They all
laughed. I'm the tallest girl in my grade, and I run really fast.  I like
to run, sometimes just around, and round by myself when I don't have anyone
to play with.  "Pst!" I looked up, "Over here." Then I turned around, and
got up.  "Hey, uh."
   "Oh, hello!" I threw the stick.  "Remember me, from yesterday?"
   He laughed, but it wasn't like "Hohoho!"
   "Of course I do, my names Charley, what's yours?"
   "Gloria." I smoothed out my skirt, and stepped around the puddle to the
corner.
   "What a lovely name, Gloria." This time he was wearing black trousers,
and a button up shirt.  "You look about 12, so must be in what, 4th grade
all ready?"
   "Equivalent to sixth, actually." He looked surprised "We don't have
quite the same curriculum as public schools, and we can learn at our own
pace.  So, I'm reading at the 9th grade level, for instance."
   "Wow," he laughed, "Smart too?"
   "As well," I wondered.  "As what?"
   "Well," he looked shy, "You know you're beautiful too."
   "Aw," I waved, "Don't say that."
   "No, it's true!" He looked around, and stepped out of the trees. 
"Granted not the typical white girl beauty, like Barbie.  No, you look much
more exotic, and interesting." Nobody else in the yard, I looked back, but
my face felt hot.  So embarrassing, hearing all these things, and my ears
burned.
   "I should get back," I walked away.
   "Well nice to meet you, Gloria." He called, "I'll talk to you later!"
   Ruth {MF NS.  ST: *}
   I backed up to the side of the barn so I could see the brake, and
tail-lights reflect on the corrugated steel.  Dropping the tailgate, I
pulled my toolbox back, and took off the left lens.  I had to walk back to
the cab to tap on the brake pedal, and push the turn signal down.
   "Want a hand?" one of the homeless guys trotted up from the line, now
that I'd opened the front gate.
   "I've got it," I got out, "Thanks."
   He got in, "Well I can push the pedals, and it will go quicker."
   He was right, so I shrugged, and went back to the lights.  "Ruth,
right?" I held the screwdriver in my lips, so I nodded.  "I'm Charles. 
You're the handyman here?"
   I dropped the screwdriver, "What does that mean?"
   "Okay?" he held up his hand, "Grounds-keeper?" I picked it up from the
tailgate.
   "I do maintenance on the place." Got a problem with it?  "We don't have
a Janitor."
   "I've been volunteering," he nodded.  "Caretaker, then." I thought I'd
seen him around, mopping, taking out the trash, lately.  "I didn't mean to
sound sexist, that's just what they call it.  'Handyman' as if a woman
can't be handy."
   "Yeah," I thought about it, "I guess that's about right." now that I
wasn't feeling so angry.  "Try the brake?  Okay, now the left turn signal.
Good, that's it." Loose connector, where it split from the wiring harness
to the brake, and tail-lights, I think the white one's still to ground. 
"Thanks." So, at least I didn't have to go for parts, when it's not
street-legal.  He closed the door, and I finished screwing the bezel back
into place.
   The oldies station {*} cut out.  "Well, sorry if we got off on the wrong
foot," he handed me the keys, "But if you need any help, something that
takes more'n 2 hands, I'm sure you're more'n capable."
   "Yeah," I noticed the doors were closed, "I'll let you in through the
kitchen, if you're still hungry."
   He shrugged, "Your bushes, and trees look fantastic."
   "Thanks!" I unlocked the door, and grabbed my plate.  Carried it back to
the barn.  "Topiary is one of my hobbies.  I like to think of myself as a
bit of an artist, but I haven't finished anything, else."
   "Can I see some of your paintings?" I grabbed a spear of broccoli, and
set it down on the workbench.
   "Sculptures, actually." I let him into the garage.  "Mixed media, mostly
wood." Pre-fab barn, garage doors on one end, workshop, tools, an open
space for the pickup, mower off to the side.  "They're all upstairs."
   He followed me up.  "Like I said, nothing's finished, but you can
probably get the general idea."
   "What's under here?" He reached for the sheet.
   "That's private," I stopped him.  He stepped back, nodded down at the
plate still on the corner of the workbench.  By the mitre-saw, plain pasta,
salad, vinegrette, mixed steamed vegies.  Whatever they were serving, minus
the entree.
   "You're vegetarian?"
   "Vegan," I nodded, "It's not a moral thing, I just don't like meat, and
I can't digest it very well." Okay, fish, eggs, dairy, they don't give me
problems, but I still don't like supporting Industrial farming.
   "I can't really afford it.  Not calling you privleged, mind you, but at
my social strata, it's a privilege we can't afford."
   "I understand," I checked my Privilege in college.  Serving a convent is
pretty low compared to say CFO of Starbux, but there's always someone
lower.
   "You don't seem." All right, try not to Sound privileged, "A lot like
most of the people who come here."
   "For the shelter?" I nodded, "I've been out here for a couple decades,
it's a lifestyle choice at this point.  I don't like taking handouts, which
is why I volunteer, but I'm not comfortable sleeping indoors, with all
those people.  However, I've learned a lot of tricks over the years, and
the secret to not being treated like a bum is not acting like one.  So, I
stay clean, sober, out of peoples' trash, and try to show my education.  I
like to read, and better myself, what Maslow called Self Actualization."
   He followed me back down, and told me about the Heirarchy of Needs while
I ate.  "You know, like food is at the bottom." he pointed at my tray, "He
also added Shelter, emotional needs, and such like."
   "Where are you from?" I wondered.
   "All over," he laughed, "Another advantage to being Rentless is I can
travel.  The hours are good, and once I take care of needs like food, and a
shower, I have free-time to make myself a better person.  That's all
self-actualization is.  Growth, trying to reach our potential before we
die, and related stuff like Art, Philosophy..."
   "You don't come off like your typical hippy, neither." I laughed.
   "Exactly." He held up a finger, "Labels.  I don't have to be Homeless,
or a Hippy.  A Vegan, or a Survivalist.  Democrat, or Republican, I just
am. I can be me, because I'm not boxed in by the rest of the society."
   "You think outside the box." So cliche.
   "No," he shook his head, "I can't even sleep in the box.  So, I find my
own way."
   "Hm!" Actually sounded pretty cool.  "They're closing up the shelter, so
I'm going to have to kick you out."
   "That's all right," I walked him to the gate, and took my keys.  "It was
nice talking to you."
   "You to," I had to admit.
   "See you around..." he wandered off.
   Gloria {G Solo, MG Fond Hand Mict, Male Fant}
   I tried to touch it, like he did.  I got good, and clean in the shower,
I had to, but it still felt, I don't know, weird?  All squishy, and
complicated.  Not like when he touched me, and I know it's a sin.  Kind of
exiting too, out there, where just anybody could come out, and catch us. 
He told me to keep it a secret, of course they wouldn't understand, but it
felt so good.
   In my hand, so thick, and squishy like a giant worm.  He wasn't hairy
any more, I mean other than his beard, and ponytail, but down there.  It
stuck out too, but he said he couldn't pee with it like that.
   "Here," he grunted, "Let me see if I can squeeze some out." He pinched
it, and worked it back, and forth in his fingers.
   "You're not Catholic," I noticed.  They explained Circumcision in
school, it was unclean flesh, but I didn't mind.  He didn't smell bad, and
it was fun to watch it, pop in, and out around the end.
   "Protestant," not too bad.  "You want to try it?"
   My fingers barely went around, but it felt real warm.  "How?"
   "You just pull the skin over it," My hands slipped off the end, "No,
back, and forth, like this." I giggled, the end winked like an acorn
opening, and it felt really neat.  "Yeah, that's good.  You know, you can
really never say you've resisted temptation unless you've been tempted." He
reached through the fence.  I tried to feel my chest, the way he did, but I
didn't have the training bra on, or the shirt, tie, and sweater.  Maybe
it's like trying to tickle yourself?
   "Mhm?"
   "Faster honey, yeah that's good." I bet it would be easier if I could
just do it like that.  There's not even a sign for a girl, touching
herself. But for a boy, it's just grab it, and pull on the skin.  Or pump
it in his fist, like he did, right before.
   Charley {MG Mole Hebe Hand Cums}
   "Oh." Nice tight little fingers, thin enough to use both hands. 
Backwards with her thumbs by the base, they bumped my fresh shaved pubes.
That's all I needed, her running back with one stuck under her nail, or
something.  "Are you Mexican, or something?"
   "I'm an orphan, but I hear my parents were deported back to Honduras.  I
was just a baby, but they proved residence for more than a year, so I could
be a citizen.  The sisters say they wanted a better life for me here,
instead of raising me in poverty.  I think I might take Spanish, see if I
can go there on a Mission."
   "That's great," I got tired of squeezing her little buds through the
sweater, and felt down her back.  She let me, so I squeezed through the
folds of her skirt, and turned her sideways.  I had to bend down, at the
knees so I didn't pull through the fence, but she just turned her hand
over, and jerked me sideways.  "Yeah, that feels great."
   Under her skirt, she had a tight little bubble butt, and cotton panties.
I felt around front, to the tight thin lips, and pulled my hand back from
her ass.  "Oh, I think I feel a little coming out." I moved her hands, and
pumped quickly, looking around for Ruth, but she was still around the other
side of the building with the hedge trimmers.  I wiggled my finger, so her
lips rolled out to the sides, and pushed a fold of cotton between them. 
"Oh yeah!" I timed the strokes, so it looked like I was squirting the drops
out.
   She giggled, "It's white!" I aimed away from her, not wanting to leave
cum-stains on her neat navy blue skirt over my other arm like a towel.
   "Yeah, huh." I caught my breath, "That's the special pee that only comes
out when it's hard likeat." I licked the back of my thumb.
   "Ew!" She giggled.
   I laughed, "It's not really piss, it tastes good!  Wanna try it?" I held
my hand through the bars, and she looked at it.  Still rolling down the
backs of my fingers, she took my wrist, and closed her eyes to lick it. 
"See?"
   She smiled, "It kind of tastes like Paste." The bell rang, not like a
school bell, but the one up in the tower.  "Ding Ding!" For the hour, they
only fired up the Caroline on sundays, and I guess special masses like
Christmas, and Easter.  "Was that a hand-job?"
   I laughed, "Where did you hear about that?"
   "The other girls," her skirt swung with her hips.  "The ones that come
in from home, and have brothers, and boyfriends, and fathers.  I mean real
fathers, some of them have Pornography."
   "They ever bring any in, for show and tell?"
   "Noho," she laughed, "It's holy ground, and what if they get caught?"
   "I could bring you some to see," I offered, "If you like."
   "Sure!" she skipped off.  "See you later!" They lock her up in that
portable, with the other orphans at night.  But, if you know the schedule,
and where Ruth was, we could be alone like this every other day.
   Through the fence, they keep the girls locked in, with gates.  Like the
one behind the bus, and barn so they don't get out during loading.  Another
one out front so the other homeless can't get in.  Even in the shelter, and
dining hall, they ate at different hours, on a schedule so we couldn't get
to them.  Well, I could.  I know the grounds well enough, and from the
inside, the girls just basically don't climb over, or squeeze through under
the chain with the guards watching.  But it's pretty superficial security,
and I don't because then I might not be able to stop myself.
   I don't really want this to end, especially not like that.  On the run,
fleeing charges, leaving her crying in pain, and traumatized.  My body
doesn't care, and while my mind can override it, it doesn't hurt to have
the bars in the way to keep me honest.  I should be ashamed of myself just
thinking about kidnapping her, stripping her down, and raping her. 
Instead, when she's ready, she can bend over, lift her skirt, and pull down
her panties, against the fence.  That would be fine, if I can convince her,
I don't have to force her.
   The best victims never think that's what has been done to them. 
Satisfied, I went around the fence, and called Ruth to let me in the gate.
And I mean a pointed arch, big screeching iron things like a cemetary.  She
didn't have that one, so I climbed over, between the bent out sharp bars on
either side of it.  But this was the side-yard, a solid fence, and wing of
classrooms between it, and the school-yard.  Nothing to steel, just rose
bushes to vandalize, and hedges.  She picked up the trimmers from the
cruciform one in the middle, and the generator in the back of the pickup
kicked in again.  Backed between the round ones, like parentheses (+)
   "Anything I can help you with?" I self consciously felt the cum drying
on the back of my hand, and held them behind me.
   "Nah," she shrugged, "I got this." So, I wandered around, checked out
the tomb of Father Gaius, Jesuit founder of Saint Ignatius.  The only tomb
or grave on the property.
   Ruth {F Solo Saph Fant Wood}
   I guess it was nice to have Charley around.  Not a man, wouldn't really
matter if he wasn't, or maybe that would be a Temptation.  Being gay isn't
a sin, it is how God made me.  Doing something about it, well, you really
have to read The Book to find anything explicitly about Saphism, instead of
men lying together as they would with women.  I'm not sure how that would
work.  Sodomy, doesn't have to mean anal, I guess, but it usually does. 
Just like they assume the rules for women are the same as for men, only
Unspoken.
   I can't sleep, though.  Again, if He doesn't want to act on these
feelings, then why does He give them to us?  Be honest with yourself, Ruth.
I'm not single because I'm Catholic.  I'm not too fat, too old, or ugly,
just judging by the couples I've seen.  I'm too shy, I can't talk to a
girl, about that.  I guess I'm butch by default.  A tomboy, don't pay much
attention to how I look, work with my hands...  But whenever I talk to a
girl I like, I just can't, bring it up.  Damned social programming means
the Butch is supposed to make the move.  Buy her a drink, kiss her.
   "Hm!" Get up, and pull the sheet back from Molly.  Pretty much have to
hide her, up here, covered.  I don't have a closet, and she's reclining
anyway.  Nude, I run my hands over her hair, liking how the grain came out,
the root-ball peeled, and sanded, polished, and stained to look like hair.
I finger combed mine out, and sat down on the base.  Just a cabinet,
really, or a large drawer.  I rubbed her face.  No gloves, or fine
emery-cloth.  No tools, just my fingerprints on the wood, and clear-coat.
No stain, so the natural grain could show through, the superhumanly smooth
hard surface.  I could get the look, almost perfect, but not the feel.  I
can't be sure that she'll ever be done, to my satisfaction.
   Kind of slip right past the too hard roundness on her chest to her side,
tummy.  Not flat, but tight, the line down the middle was a bitch to carve
out, without damaging it.  A finger and a fold of emery-cloth to polish
inside.  Especially the navel, too tight, and resistant for my pinky, so I
felt mine, lifted my nightshirt.  "Hm!" it almost tickles, I know I can't
tickle myself, but this is as close as it gets.  I felt up my shirt, so I
could feel myself too.  Much softer, too soft, really.  I'm active, but I
just can't lose any more weight, ever.  But they feel good, like my warm
fingers, gripping to squeeze my nipple out, popping back when they slip
off. "MmhH!" Do that again, only this time catch the nipple, and pinch it
lightly.  They say it gets "Hard." It doesn't feel hard to me, just a
little plumper, a little warmer.
   Too big, too.  I don't know from sex, but just living.  Having to saddle
them up, and the straps digging into my back.  Getting in the way, bumping
painfully into things.  Molly's are perfect cones, the cutest areolae, like
I used to have, flesh tone.  Not these great pink pebbly things, so
insensitive all stretched out, and flat instead of puffy.  "Mh!" But they
liked the attention, even if my fingers didn't feel what they wanted.  Her
fingers, I put my legs up on the base, and held onto her shoulder to lean
over for the drawer.
   "Toolbox," they're not really toys, because I don't really play, with
myself.  This is something I have to do, to sleep some times, and it's not
like I'm spilling seed on any kind of ground.  I skip over the cup-base. 
It was a pain to get the top/side of her midriff flat, level, and smooth
enough to anchor it, but I was feeling too lazy to climb on, so I dropped
that in the back, rolled the double header aside, and grabbed the
pistol-grip.
   The problem is, I have wood to work with.  Rubbing the back of her hand,
on her thigh was all right.  Okay, I've sculpted down the rubbery plastic
of this one, carved away the realistic balls to a curved knurled ridge in
the top with the grip sculpted to hold it up-side-down.
   I settled on the bed with a leg up, rooted around with the shaft, and
tip, slipped it up, and down in the dampening trench.  "Nh," not relaxed
enough, I picked out a dental dam, and dropped a spudge of jelly on it. 
"Hm!" Paint it on good, and poke a tip worth of the thin stretchy rubber
through, and let it pop out.  "Ah!" The sisters, the way they'd look down
on me, if they caught me like this.  Not naked, touching each-other like
they never would.  They're too good to give into it, why I never went to
school here, or a place like it.  I'd rather avoid temptation than resist
it, fortunately those habits don't show much, and are a bitch to get off.
Boxer shorts?
   More than enough of that, I don't want anything to confess, so someone
more appropriate.  All my role-models are straight, except maybe Portia de
Rossi.  "Hnh!" Only taller, or Grace Jones, without that scary face.  Or
that girl from High-school, the cheerleader.  Not one of these
school-girls, the uniform is totally different.  Discovering the underpants
were built in, when I finally got a chance to check.  Horny curious
straight girls, and my body in High-school.  Public, not great grades, aced
Shop, overalls, and no bangs.  Well, maybe some finger-bangs, but I was
nice, and loose, so I grabbed Trigger.
   And that guy.  Denial, whatever.  Byegones.  He was pretty,,, pretty. 
And sensitive, and caring.  He made the first move, I didn't have to.  So
yeah, if any of you tall, lean smooth beautiful models wouldn't mind coming
over, and ravishing me, that would be great.  Because this takes too
fucking long.  You don't have to look like her, I glance over, and regret
not letting her hair fall over her face, again.
   I don't know what she looks like.  Even what color she would be.  Same
reason her leg is crossed over the other, and anything between.  Okay, I
got to sculpt a buttock, and the wood kind-of got her vote in, but I don't
know what that would look like either.  We're all different down there, and
all those folds, making them look fleshy and soft would probably be a pain,
anyway.
   But I got the body right.
   Charley (MF Voye Saph Fant.)
   So she's gay, got that.  Hadn't really thought about her, sexually. 
Sympathicly, she's self-conscious about her weight, tries to hide it even
from herself.  Kept her nighty on, don't see any mirrors, anywhere.  Nice
statue.  Obviously a reclining female, nude under the sheet.  I didn't need
to pick it up to see under it, it was just a white sheet.
   Pretty common pose for the legs, classical even!  That had to be a lot
of hard work, all those curls in her hair, the deep red stain, like cedar.
Kinda made her body look even more Barbiesque.  All I know is it didn't
grow like that, sideways, unless she tortured it into shape, with guylines,
and cuts.  Is that part of topiary?  Don't know a whole lot about that.
   Real hot watching her feel it up, I can almost imagine her carving it
out, with tools.  Freeing her from the wood, trapped in it, until dug out.
Cold, though, not like a woman, a wooden woman!?  I laughed, quietly.  But
up a tree like this.  What?  I saw the light come on, I'm not real sure why
I climbed up.  It's not a conscious decision, or choice.
   She's not fat.  I'm not calling her skinny, by a long-shot, but she
looks pretty healthy to me.  BBW, I guess, cute face.  Almost like a
cherub, statue.  Not around here, this wasn't an Eros (Or Saphos) kind-of
temple, but I'd say statuesque.  Nice big ones, and the skinny little
statue, when she got up, and took the handled dildo to bed.  I got the
back, and her long hair over her shoulder, and arm.  Even her butt was
cut-off by the sill, and I didn't exactly have a choice of branches on this
side of the tree.  I held on, and sat up.  Looked over to the statue.
   Well, that got me hard, anyway.  I climbed back to the other limb before
I got blueballs, and dropped down.  Backing up to the trunk, I got it out.
Of course, if Pinnochia up there was a real girl, she could lay back,
spread her legs, let me feel down in there.  Or Ruth, it's her fantasy, let
her do that, I'll just be over here, watching...  I wonder if she likes
schoolgirls, little Honduran ones.  I don't doubt she would've carved on
bigger boobs if she wanted them.  Looked like she spent more time on the
nipples.
   Didn't get to see much, more than her belly button, before she stuck her
arm up in there and groped herself.  Pubic hair, nothing more.  Not too
fat, I expected more under all that baggy denim, probably not even as much
belly as me.  Rentless diet, it ain't health-food, or there's not enough of
it to survive on.  More where it counted, I bet they hung, and swung under
her, bent down to punchfuck her girlfriend.  Or with that dildo, sawing it
in, and out, so her lips rolled around it, then peeled open as it pulled
back out?..
   "Uh!" yeah!  I wonder, if I could seduce a lesbo?  Of course not, but
that'd be fun.  She likes to fuck, herself.  Barely touched her clit, that
I could see, before she lay back, against the window.  It'd take forever,
potentially, but be an excuse to stick around.  Pretend not to notice,
ignore the closet, and just treat her like a big beautiful woman.  I don't
have to fuck her if she never gives me an opportunity, and I can keep
watching Gloria grow.  I headded back, to the corner where it was easier to
climb up, hang over without stabbing myself on the points to drop, fairly
quietly over, and head for camp.  I wouldn't have to get back until she let
me in, in the morning anyway.
   Of course, it would've been nicer if Gloria managed to sneak out of the
portable, and reach through the gate.  Oh well, can't happen every night.
   Gloria {GD NS Fant}
   I woke up, shook the dick out of my head, and got up to ready for Mass.
I was dreaming about it now, pulsing in my fingers, bulging, and spitting
big white drops of pee.  I know it's not pee, I'd seen him do that,
finally, before he got it up.
   It's weird, the schoolyard.  From the steps it looks like you can see
the whole thing, but it's not flat, and around the fence there's all these
little blind-spots.  Not whenever it's full, with all the other girls
running around, but Thank God it would be next year before we'd have to
study Confession again, and hopefully, I'd be out of here.
   It's still a scary thought, out there.  With him, but that's kind-of
scary too, because I don't really know him.  As good a reason to wait as
any, I'd get bigger so it'd be easier to climb over, with whatever I could
pack, and run away.  But, I know he likes to feel up, and jerk off with me,
a 13 year-old girl.  I know, he says he doesn't want to hurt me, or anyone
else to.  He wants to teach me, and protect me, but there's a word for a
guy like that.  A Child Mollestor, he was molesting me, and why did I let
him?  Because I like it, duh, he lets me play with his dick, and I guess
the real question is why do I like it?  Especially the part where he gets
off.
   Some of the girls reported getting off, playing with themselves, or a
vibrator.  It would be great if they could smuggle one of them in for me,
or I could bring myself to ask.  They don't really talk to me.  I mean they
do, but not like friends.  I'm too different, I can tell.  I don't feel
like them, I don't think.  I mean, I don't know how they feel, but it
doesn't feel like they feel like me.  And does that even make any sense? 
Look to Jesus, like He knows anything about that.  Maybe he does, maybe he
felt Jean de Arc, riding into battle, on horseback.  Maybe he knows exactly
how I feel, right now.
   Of course He looks good.  Even hanging, bleeding, crowned with thorns,
and pierced in the side.  But in the middle, next to that, the hard lines
down his tummy, and the cloth across his waste.  Look down, blushing.  Bad
enough thinking about this stuff in Sunday-classes, but here, now, with
Him? I know he's circumcised, but, did he ever, ?  No, He's the one who
said not to spill the seed, by the side of the road, or in fallow ground.
Only where it would grow, and He never took a wife.
   The most impure thoughts about the most Pure, were these walls no proof
against temptation?  Why should Jesus tempt me, or did I let the devil into
His house with my sin?  I never, well I believed when they said that it
would take you if you gave in, but God!  Please, I'm sorry, I knew what I'd
done, that it was wrong, but he tempted me.  That devil, or devil in
disguise.  He said he was Protestant, but I didn't think that ment
Satanist!
   Please forgive me, though I know I deserve it not.  The congregation
stood, and rustled loud enough to cover my voice.  "Amen."
   Ruth {MFG Hemo NS}
   I stopped raking, set the handle up on the tree-trunk, and went in the
dining hall/shelter.  Between girl's lunch, and dinner set-up, it was
empty, so I cut between the tables for the lady's room.  Not as many, in
line out by the gate, and it had been washed at least twice after the men
had left this morning.  "Uh," Full pad, so I peed, and wiped extra well,
then unwrapped a new one.  Stuffed the package back in the cargo pocket,
flushed, and washed my hands.
   One more egg gone, how many more to go?  I wish they didn't respectfully
suggest I didn't spend too long around the girls.  Not that they think I'm
predatory, but I could be a negative role-model for them.  Pope Frances is
1 man.  I'm glad he's trying to drag us kicking, and screaming out of the
dark-ages, and make us more truly Catholic, but it's not trickled down to
the Perochial level yet, and may be generations for it to become widely
accepted, if it flies at all.  Hopeful time to be alive, though.
   "What," He dropped her skirt, "THE FUCK!?" and slipped his hand out from
under her sweater.  "I trusted you!" I slapped him when he turned around.
"Put that away, you, you Bastard!" She ran off, but the untucked shirt
flapped on the front of her skirt.  "Get out of here," I pushed him away,
"You," picked up a rock, "YoouUGH!" He ducked it.  "You damned Asshole!"
   "I" He cowered, "I don't," ducked, but I still hit him.  "Ow!  Unlock
the gate!" He cried, and the other home-bums helped pull the gate.
   "Nobody comes in," I pulled it back, "And Charley's 86ed." he ran, "If
anyone sees that fucking pedoass here again KICK HIS AAASS!" He heard me,
but kept running.  I should have arrested him, and called the cops.
   "Gloria," had to be, everyone knew Gloria.  She'd been here longer than
I had, probably most of the staff, I know the Father, and Mother Superior
only transferred here what 8, and 9 years ago?  Told us to 'Phase out" the
orphans, the private school used to pay for that charity, but membership
was down, tithes with them, and they were finding placement, one bye one.
Nobody wanted the little hispanic girl, though.  She was by far the oldest,
and younger ones had gone since then.
   I found her, crying behind the portable.  "It's okay," I went to her,
"Did he hurt you?"
   "No!" as if I'd touched her, "Now Ihnhn, I'll never see another boy
again!"
   "ooOOH!" I sat down, "But he was abusing you, we can't let him abuse
you, especially not here."
   She sniffed, "I know it was sinful, and impure, and unclean, but.  He
didn't hurt me.  He didn't make me, he let me."
   "He molested you."
   "And he let me molest him!" Well, I guess better mad then sad!  "That's
why I did it, that why I didn't tell anyone.  I wanted to, see it, and
touch it some more."
   "Oh honey," I hugged her, "He wouldn't have been satisfied with that. 
You know he was just taking advantage of you, and tricking you into doing
something much worse." She nodded in my arm, and her hair bunched over it.
"Now, I'm sorry but I have to report this.  You don't have to come with me,
but it would probably be better then making them send one of the sisters.
Oh, and don't defend him.  I know how he operates." I admit, he could be
charming, and romantic if he wanted to.  To get something from you. 
"Conniving fucking prick." I covered my mouth, "You didn't hear that."
   "Of course not.  He didn't, I mean, you didn't, do anything with him."
   I petted the back of her head, "Don't worry about that," It certainly
won't happen again!  "Damn it!" I finished crossing myself, and got out my
keys.
   Gloria {MG Mole Mnem}
   "I saw him peeing, it was last week, thursday, I think.  We had turkey,
and mashed potatoes." So I guess they could check.  "I never, um, saw one
before.  A boy naked.  I mean, he wasn't naked naked, but he was hanging
out of his fly, and I saw it.  You know, I've lived here all my life, and
there's no boys here, so I guess I was a little curious, and he, took
advantage of it.  I'm still a virgin, I know that, because he touched it,
but he didn't put his finger in." Mother superior looked as if she would
faint.
   "Where?  Oh, just around the schoolyard, through the fence.  Usually
after the other girls left, and the other orphans were off, doing whatever.
He never got in, there with me, but I have seen him, working around the
other yards.  With Ruth, but whenever she was out front, or in the other
side yard, where they buried Father Gaius" they took us out there for a
memorium on his day.  I don't remember if it's his birthday, or his death
day, maybe the day he founded the mission.  "And he touched himself, I
watched him spill his seed, but he turned away, so it wasn't on holy
ground." I let my hand fall from covering that lie.  He was in enough
trouble as it is, and if I never get to see him again, well I certainly
don't wish him any ill.
   They told me to send Ruth in after that, and I ran down the halls to
cry. All the doors were locked, so I fell down in the corner at the end of
the hall, between the classrooms, next to the back door, and cried.  I was
weak, that's what it was.  I told myself to stop, just went to see him to
tell him we couldn't any more.  Shouldn't ever have done.  But I couldn't,
he just held his arms out through the fence, and pulled me in.  Not like
that, the monster he was, he didn't grab me, he just held me, and felt me,
and let me undo his pants.  And now I'd never see it again.
   "Uhuhuhuh!" It felt like hickups, but faster, I couldn't breathe I was
crying so hard.
   "ooOOHH!" She rushed up the hallway, "I'm sorry Gloria, I'm so so
sorry." And she was there, holding me, and I cried a little less, and a
little less hard until I stopped.  It got uncomfortable, squishing against
her, and when I thought about ever feeling like that when I grew up, I
twisted out from under her arm.  "You feel better?" She put her arm up on
the wall, I stood up too.  God, she looked so heavy!  "I came to ask you
something," she rubbed her fingers with her thumbs, "Um, actually."
   "What about?" She looked nervous.
   "Well," she sighed, "Come on," she took out her keys, and let us out. 
In a little corner of fence, usually we run around to the schoolyard, but
right now I just looked through the gate to the garden.  "I uh, we talked,
I asked Father, and Mother Superior about you, and because of the, because
of what happened to you, they want me to council you." She put up her
hands, "And this is just a possibility, for you to consider, but because
I'm unwed, and even if I go to some state where I could get married, I'm
unlikely to have a child of my own," boy, she really beat around the bush,
I giggled.  "Well, at some future time I may also be able to adopt you. 
Not here, right away, I'd have to find a place for us.  But one of the,"
she realized we had met, "Well, Charley, actually helped me pull one of the
empty bunks up to the loft, so we can at least get you out of the trailer."
   I noticed they took them out.  "You want to adopt me?" Thought it was
for the Shelter.
   "I may have to, legally.  It's an option that may come up, but for right
now I have to open up the gate to the shelter, so if you don't mind
waiting, Out here, or in the portable, I'll be right back." She let her arm
down, and played with her watch.
   "Okay," I went that way, "I'll go pack." Quickly, 2 uniforms, and I
guess about ten sets of underwear.  My winter clothes, and bedding.  It all
wrapped up in the sheets, I could come back for the books, and stuff.  I
took my journal, and some pencils.  She left a rock in the door, a round
grey one, so it didn't lock when it closed.  I carried them out to the
school-yard, and across the corner to the gate.  I heard plates clacking,
and the dishwasher spraying.  The door was open next to the dumpster, and
the bus backed in.  Some of the bums were out smoking, all the way on the
end of the wall.  I couldn't help thinking about Charley, and wished he was
there.
   Ruth {FG NS Talk.}
   "Huh!" I carried her bundle up the stairs, and threw it on the top bunk.
"Here we are, I'll get you a plate before they close up the kitchen." I
count myself lucky he didn't spend the night.  Who knows what he might have
done to me in my sleep, or maybe snuck off to, after stealing my keys.  To
the trailer, the orphans sleeping in their bunks...  I shivered.
   "What?" She looked up, from the landing.
   "I've got some rose-bushes, coming out of the nursery." Not enough to
cover around the fence, but maybe I could get the blind-spots.  Search me
how nobody noticed before, but I guess you would have to have lived here
longer.  When I was a girl, there wasn't a house we lived in where I didn't
eventually figure out how to get out a window, or up to the roof.  Well,
except that apartment, but we had a balcony!
   "Why can't you get married here?" I thought she'd missed that.
   "Because this state doesn't recognize same sex marriages.  Can you grab
another plate for her?" I patted her shoulder, and brought her around in
front of the door.  Looking over at the smoking bums, one flipped off a
hand-roll I'd have to get one of them to sweep up, with 1 less volunteer...
   "What does," she thought, "What do you mean by Same-sex?"
   Damn it!  "Thanks," I took the tray, and handed her the one with
meatloaf on it.  She followed me, quietly.
   "Well?" At the garage door.
   "Huh!" well, "I'm gay, you know what that means?  Hopefully you're
straight, so you don't get any romantic ideas," she shook her head, "Good,
I.  Well, you're a child, and I want to protect you, but first really we
need to work through what happened to you." I started clearing the
workbench/table.
   She helped, so I grabbed one of the stools.  "What I did." She climbed
up on hers, "I jerked him off.  Or gave him handjobs, I guess.  Because I
wanted to, it was fun, and interesting, and different," she shrugged, and
tore open her plastic.  "I know I'm 'straight,' as you call it, because I
really really liked his dick." She didn't even blush, paused to realize
she'd said it out loud, conversationally, "And I can't imagine, doing
anything like that with a girl.  I don't even really like being a girl,
really."
   "Really?" I shook my head, and took another bite.  "Why not?" I love it!
   Half shrugging, she stirred at her food with a fork.  "It's, I don't
know, really kind of gross.  I mean, when I was a little girl, okay, I had
to pee, and wash myself, that's about it.  But then I got my period." I
dropped my fork, and looked away from the ketchup crust.  "And then
everything turned all nasty and hurts."
   "You get used to that," I could smell it, and pushed my tray away. 
Nothing there that wouldn't keep until my appetite came back.
   "I don't want to get used to it.  I want to go to the doctor, and get a
periodectomy, or something.  It'd be great if he could just scoop all that
out, and sew it up."
   She didn't eat, either.  I tried to remember if she took a bite, or
chewed, and swallowed.  I wasn't gonna eat it.  But not meat, dick.  "Uh,"
I picked at it, "About Charley." Somewhere around there.  Now what lead to
this thought.  "What did you like about him?" I mean, they couldn't have
much time to talk, "And how long was that going on?" Under my nose!
   "A couple weeks?" she shrugged.  "Why?"
   "How often?" Lost it...
   "Idaknow," she thought, "Every other day, or two?  He didn't always come
by, or we didn't get a chance.  Sometimes you're out in the schoolyard.  Or
one of the girls, or Sisters.  I was trying to stop, so I guess it had
been, a couple days last time."
   "And what did you get out of it." I've been older than that twice as
long, but I don't remember thinking about sex when I was 11.  I guessed. 
That little developed.  Okay, I was never a latina, and she was never
English, don't they start younger than us?
   "Hun!" She took another breath, "I don't know it's just so.  They don't
tell us all the words, I'm not supposed to know Dick, but the schoolgirls
whisper.  I just wanted to see it, but when I held it, and, it.  Hm." She
closed her eyes, and opened them, immediately, but that was no blink.
   "Yes, but what about Him." She blinked.
   "Oh," she looked down, "Jesus?" God her ears got red.  I mean, they were
tanned ears, and they still got red.
   "Charley." I shook my head.  "Jesus, really?"
   "Mhm." She sniffed.
   "Ooh, it's okay." I sighed, "Okay, the bible.  I know you've read it,
but people say things, it says things, and I suppose God says some things
through it.  I have some idea what they teach you in class, but there are
articles of faith, and then there's the fallibility of Man.  God didn't
just write it all down, His words in the blood of His son, and drop it from
the clouds.  A bunch of guys did, some of it on hearsay, other interpreting
visions, and some of them walking around starved and dehydrated through the
desert."
   "Uhuh?"
   "So," where was I?  "Whenever Moses, or David, or Paul says 'Don't even
think about it!' it's them being Men.  Don't covet your neighbor's wife,
because husbands, well, we understand that, come on over hunny, but don't
You dare covet My wife!" She giggled.  "I mean, anyway you think about it,
that's temptation.  It happens, to everybody, Jesus wasn't having any of
it, but the rest of us, we confess our thoughts, but we don't Do anything
we might regret later.  We'll get to the kingdom of heaven, whenever.  I
don't know, and I never met anyone who knew, doesn't really say much more
than it's up there, somewhere, and God really wants us to come."
   "Well, what if I want, that?"
   "What?" she didn't even look at anything.
   Gloria {G-?  Tran NS)
   "To be my neighbor?"
   "Well," she chuffed, and blushed, "Really I."
   "No," I shook my hands, "Charley!  He's just so, free.  He can go out,
do whatever, wherever, whenever, while I'm stuck in here."
   "And yet he came to be with you?"
   "No!" Uh!  "I liked that, but, I don't know, you ever wonder what one
feels like?"
   "A penis, or his penis?" She sighed to herself.  "Look, I'm gay, but I
didn't always know that."
   "Oh, not playing with one," I shook my head, "Jerking off?"
   "Well no," she shook her head, "It's.  Huh, it's just so simple, and
awkward.  You got like this tube, back, forth, repeat, THP!" She stuck out
her thumb.  "Girls, we've got all these lovely parts to play with, guys are
just," she picked a word, "Dumb." The wrong one.
   I shook my head, "I love them.  Weell, I don't love Charley, I never
even wanted to, but I'd love boys.  They're so lucky!" They get to be big,
and strong, and jerk-off whenever they want.
   "Do you know what Trans means?"
   "Change," I nodded, "Like as in Transubstantiation?"
   "No, I mean as in Transexual, or Transgender?"
   "Well," I guess, "That would mean changing ones," I covered my mouth,
"You mean like a sex-change?" Maybe I could get a sex-change!  "I'm pretty
sure that's a sin against Creation."
   "Well not actually," she stopped and thought, "Well I don't know, that's
probably more advanced than 101, but would you want to?"
   "Be a boy?" Oh yeah, "That'd be great!"
   Maud {TFt NS Psyc}
   New patient, assessment.  Didn't say anything else.  Brought in by a
Lesbian.  Not her biological mother.  "Oh," Legal Guardian, "Ruth?"
   "Thanks for seeing us, doctor." They sat down.
   "What is this about?" I took off my glasses, and let them hang.
   "This is Gloria" hand up to the shoulder, "For now." Gentle squeeze.
   "Hello," I turned to her, "Gloria." Looked about 2 years past menarche,
give or take for different development.  Skinny.
   "Hello Doctor." Looked like a fugue state, or just a shy mopey
adolescent.  "Santiago." Phillipines?
   "Everyone calls me Maud," I sat forward, and caught her eyes.  "Have you
been feeling different lately?"
   She looked down, "Always," shrugged, "But it got worse." Nodded.  With
so little verbal affect, it's best to rely on body cues.  She evoked a lot
that way.
   "Different how?" Don't want to lead them, suggest answer in the wording.
   She sighed, "I grew up surrounded by girls, an orphan, at a convent."
   "St Ignatious?"
   "St.  Agnes." Raised atheist.  Hippy parents.
   "So, I never knew about boys.  I knew they existed, but I barely got to
see one, never got to talk to one, so when Charley showed up.  Well, I
don't guess I was all that prepared."
   "And who is Charley?" She shrugged.
   "This guyh," she sighed, "He came by, and molested me so I could touch
his."
   "Penis?" She nodded.  "And how do you feel about that?" I looked over to
Ruth.
   "It's over," she nodded angrily, "I through him out, the cops are
looking for him."
   "You don't expect them to find him?"
   "Wouldn't be surprised," she shrugged, "Either way.  He's undocumented,
and from what I've seen has gotten far past suffering from homelessness. 
It's been a couple weeks, he may very well be gone.  I'm not even sure his
name is Charley."
   "I didn't like him touching me." she shook her head, remarkably
un-traumatized, "But I liked touching him.  Okay, the first time it was
real exciting, and I tried to touch myself like that, but then, it just
made me feel, it's weird.  I mean, I didn't feel weird, but just all gross,
and weak.  Like when I tried to play with myself."
   Good, "So, you continued to because you liked touching him." she was
opening up.
   She nodded, "It's all I can think about.  Now," smiling, "I want one."
   "A penis?" Why?
   "I don't know" she nodded paradoxically, "To be a boy, a man when I grow
up."
   "Well," I pulled out a drawer, "I can't diagnose GDD yet, but that
narrows down the tests to eliminate other possibilities." Fortunately fewer
for congenital females, "There's also the possibility of intersex, or
partial virilization." Doesn't look CAH, or Turners, or like any of the
pictures I've seen.  The problem with these obscure specialties is there's
not that many cases, at any given time, and they can go undiagnosed, or
worse misdiagnosed, for decades.  "How old are you?" I didn't bother
looking up DOB and subtracting dates.
   "14." I stopped, looked up.  Picked up my glasses, and leaned into the
best focal distance.  "Anorexia?"
   "Maybe slight," Ruth nodded.
   "Not uncommon for disphorics in early adolescence, we don't like the new
changes, in the wrong direction, so we try to stop growing."
   "We?"
   I turned back to him, or her.  "Yes, you, and I.  We were either born in
the wrong body, or with our brains altered into the wrong gender before we
were born.  We don't know many of the causes, but fortunately we have a lot
of options, once we're diagnosed.  You're lucky to have figured it out so
young." And underdeveloped, she probably wouldn't need mastectomies.  Well,
want, and need are nebulous when stuck with the choice between being
yourself, and what everyone else perceives.  However, "Before puberty, or
as early in it as possible is generally best for a happy prognosis.  When
it gets to that." I'm just a psychiatrist, with some extra life-experience,
but this is my favorite time to get involved.  When it's still an epiphany,
and they have the whole transformation, whatever form it will take, ahead
of them.
   Ruth {Mt NS Tran Fant Solo.}
   "Good night," she rolled over on her bunk.  Almost to the ceiling on the
sides of the frame, I wasn't going to climb up and down there with the top
of the ladder ends blocked.  Go figure.  I guess having no concept of boys
beyond the Unicorn, it never occurred to me that the only time they got to
see any was in church, after Sunday classes, during hymns, and communion.
If you never even talked to one, how would you know?  Even how to act with
nobody except other women, and girls to talk to?
   But she was always snips, and snails, puppydog tails.  I was a tomboy,
or misdiagnosed one, so at least I had an excuse.  Kind of reminded of me
that young, and I didn't even think she might be gay.  I guess she is, she
likes other boys.  I'm sure none of them would see it that way.  Charley
sure didn't.  Charley doesn't see people, just ways in, and what he wants.
I can totally take all the blame for that.  It was such an obvious con, but
it sounded so good, I never thought it was to get to the girls.  And why
the fuck not?  Sure he never looked at them, or was even seen around the
yard when they were out, but he knows what he is.  How to hide it, always
had an answer for everything.
   I want to go down, do something, with my hands, and some tools.  I
really want to get my hands on him, and a pair of loppers.  Make him a
girl, and fuck him!  Not like that, I don't have a manly bone in my body,
but I could find something to shove in the hole.  I wonder what kind of man
Gloria will be, what name he will chose, and how far he'd take the
transformation.  That might be an adventure, becoming someone else, if I
had any idea what else I could be.  I like me, who I am, the whole shebang.
I just need to find someone to be with, who will love me for me just as
much.  Someone I don't have to change, or change from to learn everything
about.  I don't even really care what she looks like.
   That Maud, person.  I get it, Mod.  Shame really, I had to ask.  "Pre-or
Post-op?" Non, she said.  Still had it.  I don't want that, the 'D.' I hate
that stereotype, or set of double standards of the Patriarchal
Rape-culture. Sure, that's what we all want.  Were you raped?  You just
haven't found the right man yet.  I did, or thought I did once.  He was
young, and pretty, and sensitive, and I was still self closeted enough to
think I'd found Him.  He even understood, took it as a compliment instead
of a chance for a threesome.  You know, I need to call him sometime. 
Doesn't he have a birthday coming up?
   But no, that was the part I couldn't accept.  He broke my cherry, as
gently as possible, and tried it a few times, but then I figured out what
was wrong.  It would be great if I was a guy, or into them, being inside
me. But I'm not.  Really all I am is lonely.
   "Hm?" She snores.  Or I guess he does, sounds more like a boy, if I'm
anyone to judge.  Late, or early?  Now she, or he's got me doing it.  Bad
enough they all swagger around with them, now I've got to dream about one?
Okay, she had a dick, and the frightening thing is it wasn't a nightmare. I
looked for the straps, and was delighted not to see them.  Actually got off
on the sick squirmy rubbery, ew.  I got up before I shook my hands, but
Glory was sawing logs.  I could probably fire up the drill-press
downstairs, and she wouldn't hear it.  Maybe not the lathe.
   "Maud," I recognized her.  Those glasses, the beads slapping against her
chest like a couple anchor chains.  Charleys dick, last one I saw, so sue
me.  That's kind of odd, but I didn't stop by the cabinet on the way down.
Should have grabbed the double-header, but whatever.  Fingers, I've got
them, use them.  Damned libido.  God, three of them?  I don't remember the
last time I just fingered myself, but it wasn't 3 of them.  I actually
tried not to stretch myself out so much, but I guess it just took longer.
   Under the loft, and I have to keep quiet, or farely.  In the dark, don't
even have to close my eyes.  To see her.  Utterly convincing, pretty even,
tall.  What gave it away is she tries too hard, and I think the patrician
look is to appear older, than masculine.  I think, my gaydar apparently can
transceive.  Just not reliably.  Or maybe it's one way, and how is this
arousing?  She was, just watching her work with him was something to
witness.  Caring, and feeling, not manipulative at all, let her come to his
own conclusions, and mentioned teaching her how to decide on an identity.
It's a long process, so you can take your time, and make sure you chose the
right thing for you, when it comes time.  Or something like that.
   I'm feeling a little maternal already, though I hadn't done much with
her as a child.  I want to get to know him, watch him grow, and recover
whenever that abuse is going to surface.  I feel a little violated, and I'm
a grown woman, and I can't even remember how he talked me into it.  "Huh!"
I fixed my underpants, and wiped my eyes.  She looks Italian, "Santiago," I
wonder if she's circumcised?
   Gloria {G/t Solo}
   I woke up, cold.  She said something about insulation last night.  Metal
wall.  I put my hands between my legs, they were like icesicles, but they
warmed up.  I tried it, again.  I was doing it wrong, because I thought I
was a girl.  It was about putting something in, I feel somewhat silly about
it now.  But if I pinch, and pull on it, it doesn't hurt.  I didn't feel
for it again, my chastity.  I didn't break it, so there was no reason to.
As soon as I qualify for hormone surpression, the bleeding will go away. 
It doesn't, well it never really hurt.  I thought it was pain the first
time he touched it, but it wasn't overwhelming just feeling it squirt
through the skin.
   I didn't feel cold any more, but I still shivered a little.  Of course,
I want more.  I don't know if I'll ever get to wrap my hand around it. 
Both is perhaps asking too much, but enough to pull on.  Just the tips of
my finger, and thumb, but it keeps slipping out, so I have to pinch the
whole thing again.  "Nh!"
   The bed shakes, "Come on down when yearh," she yawns, "Done." She gets
up, and walks down to the stairs.
   "huH!" take another breath.  Okay, she doesn't care.  I'm warm, is that
the shower?  Maybe if I rub them together like.  Now where's "hn!" Ah, yes
like this.  I want to be tall.  Not fat, but big, and strong.  I bet she
can do that.  Doctor Maud, she just diagnoses, but she has a network of
other doctors around the country, and we have to find a place to move to
first.  I want to cut my hair.  I don't know why I let it grow so long, but
now, all of a sudden it bothers me.  No one even said anything about it, it
just gets in the way, but I don't want to grab a pair of shears, and lop it
off.
   I wonder if I can get a beard.  If even a mustache.  I wonder how hairy
I'll be.  I mean, Ruth is pretty hairy.  She doesn't care, she says, 'It's
not a statement.' Kind-of sloth.  Not the animal, the sin.  Just doesn't
care enough about herself.  I wonder how trans she was.  I mean, she's
stopped, until she really starts to get old, but before she got so rough,
and strong, and skilled with her hands.  She could whittle a face out of a
stick.  A good thick one.  Or trim a tree into a ball, or cones like teeth,
or the one that looks like a mushroom in the corner of the schoolyard. 
Except green, and sitting on a trunk.  There's lots of different kinds of
mushrooms.
   "Hiuh?" I caught my breath, "Uh!" The fuck?  Oh.  "OohH!  Huh!" Weird.
moist, and squishy inside, I hoped I wouldn't leak.  "Huh huh huh!" Is she
done in the shower?  Nothing but cold out here, she has a hose.  And a
shower curtain, and a piece of that steel from the walls.  And a drain in
the floor.  It wasn't that cold, getting light.  I grabbed my clean clothes
at the pile.  She let me in the school-yard.
   "Hey, Larry?" I looked around.  Nothing but crickets.
   "Yeah?"
   "You want to help me out today?" They had Grits when the kitchen
started. We both got big bowls.
   Maud {TFt NS Tran/saph.}
   I invited him to group.  "Larry," if he stuck with it.  Kind of suited
him, though I always thought it a blond name for some reason.  Oh right,
Larry.
   Ruth chuckled behind me.  "Where do you get your suits?"
   "Vintage shop on 29th." I brushed my skirt smooth, "Why?"
   Hers was denim, 5 pockets, at least.  Came down to her knees, at least,
but not tight.  "They look nice on you." She carried a chair off to the
corner.  I don't lead these meetings, keep an ear on it, drag over a chair
for myself.  I didn't ask what was on her mind, or hazard a guess.  "Look,
doc.  I don't, well I mean, I'm not really the therapist type,"
   "I'm a psychiatrist, I just diagnose."
   "I know you're not a confessor, either, but that's the way I'm used to
doing this sort of thing." She lifted her hand, then let it fall back in
her lap.  "Well, I went and done something stupid.  So, while I was at the
clinic, waiting on Glor uh, Larry.  I had them run some tests.  Piss test,
STDs, pregnancy." I sighed, and nodded, "Well the good news is I'm not
positive for any STDs."
   "Who?" she made a face, and my neck tightened.  "If I may ask, don't
feel obligated to answer anything."
   "Well," that bad, "Charley could actually be pretty charming, and
romantic." she rolled up her sleeve, and scratched.  "When he wanted
something.  Huh, he respected my feminism.  Probably pretended to ignore my
sexuality, and God damn was he patient.  Passive, aggressive, I think. 
Conniving, little."
   "But you're gay." I didn't ask.
   "I am until I get lonely enough to remind myself why I don't like men.
Don't hate them, but they're always about the 'D' and I wouldn't have a
problem with that if it didn't always come stuck to a dick." I hesitated,
got it, and laughed.  "Or an asshole, or just a deadbeat, they really just
want to get in your pants, and ride-on to the next oasis, or, wherever,
they go.  I don't really understand men.  I give them as few opportunities
as I can, and they still never cease to degrade me.  That, and they're
all." she wiggled her finger.
   "I know."
   "Right?" She laughed, "So, I need a friend right now, not a shrink, but
maybe a shrink-friend will come in handy down the line..."
   "And if I come up with a diagnosis?"
   "Please,' she held out her hand, "Share." Politely, ladylike.
   "Well, you seem to have residual gender issues.  Not transgender, in
most of my experience with homosexuals, it usually stems from social,
and/or cultural causes, but by no means does than mean to assume that
you're a typical case."
   "Well, I went through my 'Oy oy!" she pumped her fist, and the speaker
stopped to laugh "Stonewall phase."
   "Oy oy?"
   "Like hey man, only punk rock.  Dagger mullet, I didn't save any
pictures.  I have self esteem issues, there, I said it.  I was always the
ugly one," she waved, "Hey," head pulled all the way back to 3 chins, "All
the way in the back." Big stupid grin.  "Then I grew up, stared working,
and saved up for trade-school.  Bachelor of liberal shops.  Auto,
Machining, Welding, Plumbing, HVAC, dreamed of building, something.  Like a
clubhouse for all my Pride friends, never really looked into how much it'd
cost, or where I could raise that kind of money.  Landscaping, Carpentry,
Cabinetmaking, found out I'm good with wood, sculpting, quit before
Furniture, skipped underwater basketweaving."
   "Umhm?" Or somewhere between that, and clearing my throat.
   "And I got layed, a few times.  Got a boyfriend, already knew I was gay,
but he played the sensitive guy, broke his heart when I told him.  Realized
I was into fucking, penetration.  Sorry, are you offended by language?"
   "I'm asexual." I held up my hand, "That means a lot of things, to me, I
don't really have a libido.  The organic cause is a side-effect of the
gynogens I take instead of my body's hormones.  But, I never really got
into it.  It's about Gender for me."
   "So you're transgender, not transexual."
   "Those are loosely defined," with some overlap, "But that's how I
identify."
   "I was like that for a while.  I didn't really care about sex, or think
about it.  Then I guess my clock went off, because my libido started
kicking in, and I started sculpting.  I mean I got serious about it, to
ignore my feelings, and then I explored that.  Like I said, I pretty much
need penetration, another one of life's little ironies.  I don't get much
out of clitoral stimulation, this isn't bothering you any?"
   "Of course not," I swallowed, and polished my lenses on my blouse.  The
skirt of ruffles, about halfway down.  "Your issues are more important than
mine, go on."
   "So I never did, and it hasn't gotten any better, I assure you.  So, I'd
just given up, and I felt lonely, and he, noticed me.  He payed attention,
and listened to me, and laughed at my bad jokes, and agreed with my
worldview.  And then, he made a move on me." She rolled her eyes, "Huh!  He
cooked something, I didn't think that junkyard contraption would work, but
he showed me, and made it taste good, and rubbed my shoulders, and kissed
me.  And I thought, he doesn't know?  I mean I dropped hints, a lot of
hints, but he ignored them, and never really hit on him before."
   "He's a diagnosed Opportunistic Predator."
   "Did they catch him?"
   "No, but they found his camp," she nodded.  Thought I read she showed
them where.  "They got his prints, and matched it to his medical history.
Lots of petty arrests, you know he hasn't had an address, or turned in any
tax forms since he.  Well, he's not a patient of mine, but the only
sex-crime he was convicted of was the statutory rape of another boy at his
old school.  I can't go into his therapeudic assessments, though." There
were others.  "He's like a sex-addict, but he tends to look for high risk
victims.  Not high risk to him, at risk because of their lifestyle, or
situation.  Others tend to target weakness, or infirmary.  Especially
children, but also the handicapped, mentally challenged, injured, or even
geriactrics.  Some of them drug, or target addicts, others prostitutes. 
Drunks at parties, or just licker up the party girls until they pass out.
He's probably one that doesn't have a preference, and takes what he can
get. Victims of opportunity, or consent, he doesn't care, but he wouldn't
try anything unless he saw an advantage."
   "Like a con-man."
   "Right, but he swindles for sex.  Con men tend to bounce off the street,
even coming out of a long term in prison, and starting over from nothing.
Sexual sociopath isn't an official diagnosis, but he can't control himself
if it's for sex.  He also sounds rather disorganized.  Molesting the same
girl out in the open, for weeks, almost on a schedule?"
   She nodded, "Gl'arry's shown me all the blind-spots, from their height.
Honestly, you live around them long enough you forget they're there."
   I pulled the arm of my glasses out, "Change blindness."
   "So he's not a pedophile?"
   "Not a preferential pedophile.  She tell you he liked watching them grow
up?  Or he told her that.  Anyway, that's a hebephiliac's fantasy, but he
dabbles, at best.  Then like you said, he's on to the next victim.  True
pedophiles are into long-term relationships, may even be monogamous, or
committed." The latter usually in Incest.  "It's still abuse, of course,
but they rationalize it, like a stalker." I checked my watch, "I don't know
you that well, but it sounds like you're conflicted between your sexuality,
and self-image, somewhere." Finger up, "I don't like snap diagnoses, and my
M.O.  is generally to help people figure it out themselves, but you're not
a patient, right?" It looked like they were winding up.
   Oh look, he stayed for the meeting.  I don't play matchmaker, as such,
but I may have shuffled the schedules around, a little.  Well, I had to
tell him it was a therapy group, not a singles bar, but he also told me
what he likes.  Larry, his self image is one of those big prettyboy hunks,
so I decided it wouldn't hurt to show her what it looks like.  Leaning his
head in his hand, elbow up in the corner, nodding at something she said.
   And chaperone, I thought he might have been headded toward
power-assertive, like I think I've developed him away from, but one can't
be too sure.  I'll certainly do whatever I can do to assure that he doesn't
hurt her feelings.  He might have become more of an OSO, given the
opportunities, and I certainly wouldn't.
   "You want to go get a drink some-time?"
   "Sure," I came up behind her, "How about coffee tonight?" I got out the
keys, then the right keys, showed everyone out, turned out the lights, and
locked up.  "Come on," I gathered the three of them, and relaxed.
   "You guys wanna follow me?" I pulled off my glasses, and keeper, "You
can ride with me." I told him.  "You met Larry, right?"
   "In the meeting." He made her story short.
   "He's identified as a girl, until the last couple of weeks, and has only
been sexualized for a few months."
   "Uh huh?" He didn't ask why I was telling him this.
   "This isn't carte-blanche, but right now, he needs a masculine
self-image.  Not a fuck-buddy." I'm never offended by language.  Sometimes
an expletive is the proper word.  I just never like hearing it from
oppressed, and exploited children I can't really do anything about... 
Sigh, "Don't groom her, indulge in any predatory behavior, and if you hurt
her." I raised the finger.  "You think you understand what would happen to
your life, but you have no-idea.  I don't want her growing up like you,
almost did.  I never want her to see the inside of a jail, or hurt, so
neither do you." Some patients respond to threats.  "Ask her about sex,
when she's ready, and consult me first."
   "All right!"
   "How was your week?" and a few days.
   "Impulse control." He nodded, "There was a girl, and I," sighed, "Just
talked to her.  I probably could have talked her, off somewhere, but I
didn't know her, or lie to her, about myself."
   "You don't have to avoid relationships..."
   "Just abusive ones," he nodded, "She struck me as submissive,
co-dependent.  I didn't think I'd be able to resist exploiting that."
   "Sounds rational."
   "It's not a rationale." He insisted.  "She wasn't right, or she was too
wrong.  For me."
   "Well, you controlled the impulse," I thought he might have been holding
back, "That's what counts." He's a scorekeeper.  Or he doesn't track his
'Stats' but he counts them, like points.  Instead of belt notches. 
Honestly, a friendship might help both of them a lot.
   Larry {tm NS}
   She let me have her bedroom, downstairs.  Made him go upstairs, and
stayed up talking to Ruth all night.  And kept an eye out for Bert sneaking
down.  Ruth told me about him, in the car.  Well, she knows guys like that,
met a few, they could be very charming, good looking, but if they see you
as an object, or just a sex-image, "They can wreck your life." I got to
talk to him, and heard his story in group.
   It's confidential, but he's addicted to sex.  Started early,
masturbating, and looking at porn.  Peeping, and stalking until he got
caught, and talked to.  Started treatment.  But Ruth sat out of the
conversation.  It's not just gender issues, there's really not enough to
have 2 groups, said Dr.  Maud.
   It sounded interesting.  Just walking around all night, looking for
"Someone to do." He doesn't any more, it's bad behavior, but he used to. 
Doesn't miss it.  He looks so good, standing up, after introducing himself,
getting a cup of coffee, fanning his shirt, or his tummy up under it. 
Jesus abs, but hairy, especially right up the middle.
   I half crossed myself, and stopped.  The whole Catholic thing, well.  It
never really was all that Catholic to begin with, was it?  The straight,
and narrow is more their path, and that ain't mine, whatever God's will is.
I don't know, Ruth explains it better.
   Then he listened to me, and I mean really listened.  Not just "Uhuh,"
and nod, but asked questions, and made the faces when it made me feel
something.  I didn't cry, didn't want to, remembering it.  I heard that
boys aren't supposed to do that.  He sat back, put his arms up on the
couch, and crossed his legs.  Not together, but his ankle up by his knee,
and his foot bounced on it.  "Thanks Dr.  Maud." She handed me an ice tea,
and set down a coffee cup for Bert.
   "Just Maud, dear." Right, I never saw her much, out of session before.
   "Is that short for Robert?"
   "Hubert," he rolled his eyes, "I didn't like Hugh, and I hate Huey."
   "Okeybert!" ~Ernie.  He frowned, snorted, and laughed.
   "You're too cute," he smiled, and looked away.  I almost said thanks,
then frowned.  "Oh it's okay, you're young.  There's cute boys too.  Look,
you haven't figured it out yet, and I just met you, but don't feel
obligated to get all Power Assertive."
   "What's that?"
   "We," he sighed, "Assert Power.  That's how I saw my identity.  I'm a
recovering Power Assertive, or I was heading that way before some people
intervened.  I might have become a rapist if they didn't."
   "Really?" I'm not used to talking to boys, but even the ones on TV
didn't just say stuff like that.
   "Yeah, so I'm learning self control, and how to see people as, people. I
was kind of an alien, didn't fit into human society well enough to
understand it, and I might have turned into an animal if someone didn't
explain me, to me." I'm not sure English works the way he tries to use it.
So, I guess I got a little about what he means by an alien.
   "I never knew how I was different.  So I get that."
   "What I mean is you don't have to be like that.  'Boys don't cry,'
that's The Cure.  I'm sure she's told you you define your identity.  You
don't have to try so hard it fucks you up." I blushed.  "I have no idea
what it's like growing up like that, but I haven't seen girls that modest
since elementary.  Cry if you want to, don't turn all mean with
self-loathing.  You're not the first girl-to-man I met, in groups.  Guys
are bastards, or we can be, and from what I've heard, repressing every
feeling except anger, and I don't know, violence is a big part of it." What
she calls Rape-Culture.
   I don't really understand rape.  From the boys', or girls' perspective.
I don't understand sex that well, so it might be a bit too advanced.  Let's
take care of Gender first.  "Can I watch you masturbate?" I just blurted
out, and covered my mouth.
   "Maybe some time," he laughed, "When you're ready." But I can think
about it, all ready.  I think she sleeps down here.  Dr.  Maud lives alone,
has 'trouble with compatibility' living with anyone else.  And schedules,
whatever that means.  I wonder if he's circumcised?  I mean Bert, he
mentioned Maud was Armenian, Orthodox, but we already played the 'My church
is older than yours' game.  But Bert.
   "Hn!" he's so big, and hairy, and he smells incredible.  Like nothing I
ever smelled before, even Charley didn't.  Maybe like Charley but stronger,
and inside, but just sitting across from me, not close enough to touch our
toes together.  You know, I never noticed how Charley smelled before I
started to miss it?
   That's what a man smells like.  Not shampoo, or strawberry lip-gloss,
nor black dyed muslin/linen.  It was a raw animal smell I quite like.  He
fanned himself with his shirt a lot, I never realized how hot you get with
pants on, so I tried it.  "Don't copy me," he held his hand down over his
legs.  "I'm just an example, there's a lot more out there," he took a
breath, "some of them better'n me," he forced himself to say.
   He looked even further down, "You got the legs right, but you don't have
to bounce your foot, unless you're wired on Caffeine." I stopped, "You're
not tall enough, and you haven't got the reach to put your arms up in that
chair.  Hey Maud," he looked over, "You got a mirror?"
   "In the closet," downstairs bedroom.  On the door, not a lot of clothes
in there, most of them kicked around behind the bed.
   I got up, tried to pose like he did.  Scrawny skinny arms, and fat
hanging heavy on my chest.  Try to puff that up, pull my shirt tight over
it.  Turn on the light.  I stuck my hand down under my shorts, and held my
fingers out, straight.  The middle two, like nIln with my thumb tucked
under, and rubbed my shorts on it with my other hand.  "You want some of
this?" Turn around, spread out my back.  Muscles, I want muscles.  And
maybe some hairs you can see.  I have to surpress my congenital puberty
before I can start my second one.  Hormones, I can't even, begin to,
whatever.
   God, it takes so looong, though!
   'Bert {Gm Somn Hand NS}
   So, I woke up hard.  It's not unusual even without thin little fingers
gripping me through the covers.  I sleep nude, had my underwear on just
because it wasn't home, and how did she even get up here?  Not that I tried
to sneak down, maybe the women nodded off in the living room or something.
If I don't do anything, I'm not responsible, right?  I didn't even pretend
to be asleep, I just lay there, on my back, and let it happen.
   Too young, really.  I don't know how long he's been surpressing her
hormones, but still looks like a child.  Too much like a child, for what? I
think they said 15.  I'll just avoid the whole legality of it by not doing
anything, no Overt Act.
   She knew what she was doing, pulling down the covers, and reaching
inside my shorts.  "Hm!" Holding them, maybe half down, and playing with
it. Then he let go, pulled the covers up, and ran back downstairs.  Left
the door open, just a quick peek, but she felt the hair on my chest too,
while the waistband was on her other wrist.
   I jerked off quick, so I could go back to sleep, but I kept thinking. 
About sex, but "not sex, gender" too.  I don't know how he will develop,
and how attractive that might be, when he's older.  Just curiosity, take a
look, and cover it up, pull the skin down around the neck, then let go. 
So, foreskin check?  I wasn't consulted, it was over a decade before I knew
what that skin was all about.  I got dressed, and went down to grab a
smoke, the adults were up, but there was a warm butt in the ashtray on the
porch.  One of Maud's superslim ultralight 120s.  She never finishes one,
but you have to rip the filter off to taste anything.
   So, not sex.  If ever, I'm comfortable enough with myself that I can be
friends, and maybe even a mentor to, a little, we'll get to that.  I don't
need sex, I can handle myself, and I'm still in recovery anyway.  What she
needs is an example, a good one.  Damn you Maud, you got me.  Now's as good
a time as any to figure out what that example should be.  Physically, I can
take a little credit for that.  He seems to like hair, my pubes as much as
my penis in those brief moments.  I laughed, coughed, took another drag. 
She sniffed, close from how loud it was, I didn't even dare open my eyes.
Maybe about halfway down, over where she had her hand in my shorts, the
wasteband held out.
   You know, I remember that curiosity.  Hadn't recalled it since, well it
had to be almost 10 years now.  What a grownup looked like, the hair, the
size of it, even hanging limp, and wrinkled up.  Before I discovered porn,
and playing with myself, looking at girls, playing with other boys because
I could talk to them.  So, it must be like that, irregardless of her body,
it's about anatomy, and curiosity.  She'd seen one before, and now she'd
seen another.  Mine, I wonder how I stacked up.  Did she like mine better,
want this one curled up in his underpants or the old one?
   I know she wants it, but not the way guys assume they do.  Not inside
her, but a part of him.  To have one, Freud be damned, actual Penis Envy. A
real boy.  That's what I am, trying to be a real man without Trying to be a
real man.  Be yourself, "A real man isn't self conscious about it." Maud
nodded to something Ruth said.
   That was one of my problems, Trying to be myself, I wound up awkwardly
impersonating my Self Image, which was getting borderline delusional.  Not
real.  Standing in the mirror, or reflecting what shined through the patio
door is one thing, but now I had someone actually looking at me.  Watching
to see how to act, the little brother who never looked up to me.
   Now I'm an example, so I have to act like one.  Why did she trust me
with this?  They stopped talking, again when I came back in.  I only drank
4 of the beers, and they mostly wore off, but being the only beer
drinker... I grabbed the other two to try and sleep on it some more.
   I think Ruth might be gay.  Would that even be gay?  I don't know, maybe
it depends on if Maud still has it or not.  She doesn't talk about herself
much, or I've never heard it.  Maybe that's just me, as a patient.
   Maud {T-mt NS}
   "We go through this, Antisocial stage," he looked up, and I nodded. 
"When you get on the hormones, you'll probably feel angry, or more of a
temper." He looked fascinated, "Side effects.  My problem was I focused on
the Libido, until everything was about sex, it's all I could think about.
Now I don't know, what all you're going through, but it's a confusing time,
for anybody, so look around, and see what all you can see." He looked up at
me, "He came up last night, and checked me out.  I didn't do anything."
   The bedroom door is right by the stairs.  We had our back turned for
seconds, walking out to the deck, but I was on the lookout for him coming
down.  He didn't even peek out of the bedroom up there.  "That's all
right," I looked down at him, "Do you want to talk about it?"
   She nodded, "I couldn't sleep, and I knew he was up there, I'm sorry."
   "You're curious," she nodded.  "That's understandable, but you don't
want to take advantage of people." Over at him, "While they're
unconscious." He realized it, and I didn't see any victimization change in
his posture.  "Ask, don't assume." They both nodded.
   "Is it illegal?" I turned back to him.
   "15-18, barely.  There's an exception to age of consent within 4 years
age difference, since you're legally a boy, and girl.  It may become
nebulous when he gets his official identity.  The real issue is that sex is
likely to be a distraction at this point.  So, it would be best for him," I
nodded "If it stayed anatomical curiosity for now."
   "Just to be on the safe side," he nodded, "I decided not to touch her
until he gets his body."
   She thought about it, and nodded to himself.  The pronouns are minor,
but complicated.  English was never prepared for these contingencies.  I
nodded too, "Well said." Other than that, I picked him, because he's just a
good example.  Short, but notably hairy, for his age.  Could grow a decent
mustache, when he wanted to.  Cleanshaven now, but leaner, and more
muscular when they sent him to me.
   And working past that whole anti-social phase.  I have to trust him at
this point, and admit he had earned it.  I couldn't intervene directly if I
wanted to, legally, ethically, or properly without confusing her further.
This seems like the best solution all around, but still risky enough to be
super cautious.  Chaperone, vigilantly.
   Ruth {Ft NS}
   She dropped him off on her way to the office.  "If I took a day off, it
would be today," a Sunday, "But I didn't schedule it." She drank another
pot of coffee all by herself.  I stirred some milk into mine.  We prayed
together after they left.
   "Maud said we could stay here a few days, or until we find a place for
us." He nodded, "I'll take you back for some stuff, I don't want to move
twice, but we can grab some clothes, or something." And do my scheduled
duties after Mass.  Fortunately few.
   Mandatory for those staying at the Shelter, they'd leave through the
sanctuary, during, or after the pot-luck, we had the morning.  "Well," she
grabbed her shoes, "I don't need a shower, yet." She sat on the little
bench by the door.  Nice furniture.  Not much to say about the house, 3
bedroom, rather ordinary, needed some work.  I could grab some tools too,
while I was there.
   "You want to stop by a barber on the way out, then?" He was starting to
fight with her hair, and it was already showing damage.  "I could get you
some boys' clothes if we hit the drive-through for breakfast." He had pants
on, part of the winter uniform.  Same clunky buckled shoes, kneehigh socks,
sweater, blouse, but he didn't bring the tie.
   "Okay," I locked up, and heard the door behind me.  He buckled up, but
it was the church's truck, and they already mentioned me using it as a
"Personal vehicle" since all this started.  Just to be clear.
   I sighed, got in, buckled up, and backed out.  "Remind me to call Maud,
and tell her to pick us up there." Their tools too, but they'd probably let
me borrow the trailer to get my statue off their property.  Under a tarp.
Maybe a Studio Apartment, a real one for the 2 of us.
   I yawned, definitely will need a nap later.  There's a goodwill across
the parking lot of the barber shop.  I don't have to keep my hair long any
more either, now that I think about it, and summer's coming up...
   Maud {TM NS ML Cons}
   "Thanks for agreeing to meet me." I let him check me out, unfolded my
glasses, and set them on my nose.  No keeper, I didn't want anything around
my neck.  "You mind if I call you Charley?"
   "Who are you?" he shook his head.
   "Doctor Santiago," I held my hand over the partition in the middle of
the table, like a ping-pong net.  Shook his hand through the bars, and let
go.  A risk, worth some trust to start with.  "I'm a friend of Ruth, and
Gloria's."
   "I don't know what they told you," he sat back down, so I reached for
the back of the chair.  Steel, painted grey, and bolted to the floor. 
Jailhouse furniture.  "You a shrink?"
   "Psychiatrist," I nodded, "Specializing in sexual disorders, but I'd
love to hear your side of the story."
   "I bet you would," he laughed, "Why should I talk to you?"
   "Tell you what," I pulled out my book, and held it between the bars,
"I'll come back to see if you want to talk tomorrow." Auto-biographical,
they flipped through it, and ran it through the scanner before they let me
bring it in.  He would no-doubt find the page of plates in the middle, and
see the nude on the back of it.  Tasteful, full frontal, half rear. 
Looking in the mirror, hanging limply, in front of my chest, and between my
legs.  Not hiding anything from myself, nor aroused by it, though he's free
to sexualize it.  I left early, so maybe I could sit down to lunch today.
   Another potential book, with credits to all who contribute.  Even him,
for a unique perspective on the beginning.  Unaware, I'll have to ask Larry
if he wants to be outed when I tell him about this.  But first lets see
what he has to say.  I never really understood his type, so maybe some
perspective there would be nice as well.  No treatment for it, that's shown
a reliable positive prognosis.  Little can be done beyond keeping them in
here, where they don't have the opportunity to offend, except against each
other.
   Charley {TM NS...}
   I read the sign, and rules about Conjugal Visits in the holding cell. 
Different section, or wing.  Hate it in here, but his book helped. 
Could've fooled me, but I gotta wonder why he left that picture in.  Had to
know what I'd do with it, and I gotta say it looked hot.  Even soft, a dick
on her body, her dick, his tits.  Not a lot I never seen before, so when I
see an opportunity...
   Why here, with me?  More private, less protection from me, what would I
do to him?  What was he thinking of, letting me do?  I know about
trust-building, but this is risky if even I can think about it.  Not doing
it, but knowing I'll probably try.  See what happens, I guess.  "Thank you
for coming." He came in, and the guard locked her in.  One of the doors
buzzed, so she went to pull that one.  "Did they give you a key?"
   "No, I'm not unlocking you."
   "Bondage," I winked, "Kinky." And wiggled my eyebrows.
   "You can go ahead and give up on that fantasy." he raised a finger, "Do
whatever you want with it, knowing it's never going to happen." The chains
tinked when I rubbed my chin.  Lice, they told me.  "Did you read any of
it?"
   "Just jerked off, looking at the pictures." What he looked like, as a
boy.  High-school yearbooks, before, and after.  The nude.  "Okay, the
first couple chapters, but I spoiled the ending."
   "It's not over," he sighed, and paced.  I sat on the bed, invitingly.
   "Left room for a sequel?" I laughed.  "So what am I here for?"
   "Here, because the regular visitor rooms may be recorded." I read that
somewhere.  "This is more private so we can talk freely, but if you want to
be chained to the bed, I can have that arranged."
   "Nah'm good." The legs bent over the front, and the back, like a folding
chair, and there was a railing on the wall behind it.  Imbedded in
concrete, like everything else.  Maybe even welded to the rebar.  I leaned
over sideways, more comfortable than my cell.  "You got me out of general
population?"
   "I don't have any legal standing, In fact, I'm just a visitor, not even
here in a professional capacity.  But I work with the police on some
cases."
   "How?" Didn't make it that far.
   "Victim assessments, mental fitness for trial,.." He started.
   "Profiling?" I guessed.
   "No, I work with people face-to-face.  I don't actually have much faith
in predicting what a stranger might do.  I tend to get you after arrest, to
help decide where you should go, and if you pose a risk.  I wasn't
consulted for you, because there's really no question.  You weren't
planning to claim Insanity?"
   "Thought about it," but not any more, "She's going to testify, and even
if she kidnapped me, and jerked me off against my will it'd been illegal,
and my fault because of her age." She didn't even claim to be 18, but I
didn't believe she was that old.  "If you don't mind skipping a few
chapters, is that why you got in this business?"
   "How do you mean that?" he shrugged, "Because of my condition, or are
you asking if I was abused?" I shrugged.  "Yes, and no, respectively.  I
mean I was bullied, and oppressed, because our culture doesn't recognize
us, but I was never sexually assaulted." Damn.  That'd be hot to read. 
"Have you?"
   "Well, I know how you feel about age difference.  My first time was with
a grown man, but I was already sexualized by then, and I wasn't reluctant
about it.  We did all this the last time I was in on a sex-crime, didn't
you read my record?"
   "Not extensively," He shook her head, or whoever.  "Arrests, charges,
convictions.  I didn't get your statements, or transcripts."
   "I know the law, but I don't agree with it.  Gloria wasn't my victim any
more than Jeremy was, or I was."
   "I agree," he turned back, and poked her lips with her glasses.  Looked
chewed on too.  "As luck would have it, you either managed to control
yourself, or the situation was impossible, but you knew you might rape
her?"
   "Denial isn't one of my problems."
   "She mentioned you brought up Maslow."
   "I don't have a TV, so I read."
   Thought so, "So you're introspective, enough to know what you're capable
of."
   "I can't control it, once it takes over.  So, I kept the bars between
us, on purpose.  I could have taken the keys, and gotten in the portable,
probably.  Or talked her into running away with me, I talked her out of
it."
   "So," he shook her head, "How did you control yourself so long, or did
you not get caught for anything else sexual?"
   "Opportunity.  My first doctor told me that was the key, I don't give
myself any.  Okay, there was some homeless girls in there, runaway
street-fags, and drug addicts.  I guess it was a bit of a sacrifice, but
living at the bottom, I don't have any power over anyone.  At best we're
all equal."
   "Hmm." She pondered, "Swp!"
   "I don't want to hurt anyone.  I don't like the word Victim, and I try
not to lie to myself.  Beyond that, I just have how much I can control
myself, and dumb luck."
   "What about Ruth?"
   "What about her!" She held her hand up, and patted the air for me to sit
back down.
   "Control yourself, I don't have to stay, and I don't have to come back."
This is a nice distraction, and I could maybe work something out.  With
'Her'.  "I honestly can't figure out how you managed to exploit her, but
she's pretty broken up." He watched my face.  I wonder what I let slip,
before I got out the charming grin.
   "Ruth?  She's a grown woman, but in some ways she's also immature.  I
knew she was gay, either she doesn't bother hiding it, or she's not real
good at it.  I thought it'd be a challenge, but she's got self image
issues, and she sheltered herself a lot.  That, and she's horny as hell,
and got no idea what to do with herself.  I groomed her, it's not all that
hard, when you know enough about her.  She's passive, I'll call it Passive
Receptive, she can't make a move, and when somebody else does, she's got no
defenses."
   "So, you raped her." He looked mad.  I thought never looking away from
me was vigilance, so I didn't see an opening to attack, but she didn't
really seem to be anticipating that, violence.  I'm not a violent offendor.
No, she studied me, if I twitch my pinky, she glances down, and thinks
about what that means, so she's reading me.  Don't do that too much so she
catches on.
   "No, I seduced her." I sighed, "If I raped her it wouldn't take me 3
days of helping out around the grounds, making her feel special, and giving
her a break from her loneliness.  I did all that so I didn't have to rape
her."
   "She's still traumatized."
   "Did you know she Stoned me?" She laughed, "Or tried to.  Dodgeball." I
shrugged.  "Well I'm sorry," only hit me with one.  "I tried not to, but
I'm sure you at least considered some homosexual conflict there.  I've been
around, played around with bi-curious guys, and girls, and yeah, I took
advantage of them.  I told you, I can't control myself."
   "It's your rationale," he shrugged.  Actually, the way he/she kept
switching was a bit distracting, and probably on purpose.  He didn't show
at all the first meeting, before I looked in her book.  I tried to keep in
mind that He was in disguise, but I know all about manipulation.  "We all
lie to ourselves, of course," and she was good at it, "But at least you try
not to."
   "Is that your professional opinion?" Sarcasm.
   "I don't have one yet," she folded her glasses, and put them away, "But
you cleared up a few things for me.  I was expecting a lot more in your
record between your first, and last victim." It locked to the outside, just
opened with the handle, but the guard behind the window buzzed her out
first, and the other came in to control me.
   Who says she's my last?  The best victims have no idea that's what
happened.  Would he be my next, or she?  That's one thing to keep my
attention, I love a challenge.  And all of a sudden I have all kinds of
time on my hands...
   Larry (G2t Solo.  MM Anal Porn/Fant)
   "Nh!" I grunted deeper, "Mh!" That's better.  This Virogel {(F)} was
slippery, but not designed for lube.  It was supposed to be for guys,
getting old, to replace their low T, and applied to the armpits, but I
don't want to get too hairy there.  Dr.  Maud says it's okay as long as I'm
not doing anything "Invasive." I don't even touch it again, I know it's
there, and that means I'm not a girl.  I can just leave that part of me
walled off, until I decide what to tell them to do with it.
   She's afraid of surgery.  After the first time, having her gonads
removed, she decided she didn't want to do any more.  And it's kind of
scary.  I'll have to see how much it grows on hormones, still not enough to
pull on, but it's easy to find now without digging around in there.  It
even sticks out a little, when I pull it all tight.  I like that.
   Bert and I are sticking to CFNM, with porn.  I'm still a girl, learning
to be a boy honestly.  He doesn't care either way, and he promises to love
whatever I end up with.  He doesn't love me, yet, but he's learning to.  I
don't know what that feels like, but I don't feel different, that way. 
Maybe he's waiting to see who to fall in love with?  It would break his
heart if he fell in love, and then I changed on him.
   About him, well he's a he.  My first real boy I can feel, and explore,
instead of rushing through it quick before someone came out looking for me
in the schoolyard.  He asked me what I liked more, circumcised, or with a
foreskin, and I'm not sure.  I have one, but I like his without it.  It
doesn't do that blinky thing, so I can see it the whole time, if I go slow
enough.  I get his off, but that means he's done, so I don't rush any more.
Then I wash my hands, and now I'm in here, applying my medicine.
   It makes my hands grow too.  They feel stronger, even a little bigger, I
think.  He likes to do anal, and I don't know.  It's really gross, but he
put his finger in there, and wiggled it around this time.  I don't know if
I want anything in there either, but I'm gay, sort of, or I will be, I
think.  It's something gays do, and bisexual guys too, I guess.  I know I'm
not bisexual, girls are gross.  Ruth put a lock on her toolbox, under the
statue up in the master bedroom.  Or the big one upstairs, I guess Dr. 
Maud's downstairs has a bathroom too, but you can get to it from the
kitchen.
   I feel around in there, and all the jell soaked in, so I pinched the
skin sticking out, and went back to pulling it.  I hoped it would stick out
enough to pull the real thing soon, instead of just the skin, but that's
stretching out, so I guess it'll be my foreskin.  I don't think I want them
to circumcise it.
   I need to get the internet in here, I looked through that magazine
Charley left so many times I don't need it any more, but there's all kinds
of boys on the internet.  I'm going to be tall and skinny, I bet.  As much
muscle as I can get, but I guess there's worse things then a prettyboy. 
Everyone says it, and not like they tell all the girls, they mean it. 
They're surprised when I don't like it.
   So I don't need a tall skinny boy to be gay with, I like Bert's broad
hairy muscular body.  All over, he lets me feel wherever I want, and I'll
have it memorized too, before much longer.  I like his butt, it's hard, and
round, and flat on the sides at the same time, but in there?  Eww, I was
just so surprised when he stuck his finger in there.  Mine are all greasy,
and I really need to not get any of that inside me, but would I really want
to?  I guess I can always try it, some day, but I'm not in any hurry.  It
doesn't work if I try to rush it, just kills the mood.
   God, why did you make it take so long?  I guess we wouldn't learn
anything if we just woke up, full grown some morning.  I should ask Ruth if
he can borrow one of her tools.  Yeah, I can watch him do it, and if, I
don't know if it will be sexy but if it is.  It might be.  I just don't
know how.  That big one, with the 2 heads, or is that too big?  Can it be
too big for a boy?
   "Nh!  Ahm, Hm!" I can't get the vision out of my head when I go all
squishy inside.  Him bending over, and sticking in there.  The big long end
hanging out like a tail.  I giggle, and then turn it into more like a
chuckle.  I really need to work on my voice, it's too high, and squeaky.
   I wash my hands good with the special soap to neutralize any residue,
and go across the hall to the internet.  I have to turn off Safe Search,
again, but I put in [Twink Handjobs.] Again.  It's hard enough to find
another guy that looks like Bert.  Most of them shave too, and then I want
a nice tall, skinny medium skinned guy with him.  Dr.  Maud says there's
porn of everything on the net, Rule 34 says No Exceptions, but that just
gives me more to search through.  "Huh!" [View Image] [Visit Page]
   [Hairy Hunk Daddy loves Philipino Twink.]
   Ooh, video!  [Buffering...]
   [Tags: Old/Young, Hairy, Athletic, Teen, Twink, Jerkoff, Blowjob...]
Click [Amateur Anal, Bareback, Anal, Creampie, Facial...]
It started.  He started talking to the camera.  The skinny one.  "You
like hunky guys?"
   He nodded at the camera, "Big cocks, too." Like a girl, he even sounded
like a girl.
   "Big cocks too." I nodded.
   Blue/green top, half buttoned.  Flat boney chest, no hair, but a
triangle of tan down the front.  "You want to show off?"
   "Sure," he smiled, pulling at the buttons.
   "Sure," he sounded like he was trying to sound like a girl, I think. 
Like a fag, I didn't see many of them, I never met one yet.
   Maybe I could be a fag, they sound like girls, right?  The scene
switched, or the camera did.  Now it was looking down, moving around, and
he was naked.  Well, he had his shirt off, and his pants down.  He had more
tans on his legs, but he was paler under the shorts.  Almost as pale as me.
And the triangle around his neck, and his arms, about halfway above his
elbows.  "You like it?"
   "Like it?" I nodded.  It was long, and skinny, and he pulled out the
skin to bunch up around the end.  It was dark, darker than his tanned
fingers, and really pink inside.  When he pulled the skin back, the camera
was real close, so it took up the whole screen.  It looked giant, really. I
looked over my shoulder, at the cabinet.
   "What do you think of this one?" Still locked, anyway.  I looked back,
and covered my mouth.  Now that was a big one!  He shaved it, and his
balls, but there was thick curls over it.  I had a bunch of them, and more
almost every other day, but not like his legs.
   "Oh!" he looked up from the couch, "You are hunky!" He made a face, and
I paused to remember it.  I don't know what it means, but if I go in the
bathroom, and look at it.  Yeah, I think I can look like this again to show
Maud.  She's very good at reading faces.  Back in the bedroom, I guess it's
a playroom, there's no bed in here, but back in the video, he got on the
couch, and he was really very hunky.  I guess that means muscular, and
maybe hairy.  He doesn't look like a bear, like Charley before he shaved,
but a lot of the hunks have nothing.  Even shave their heads.  It looks
silly.
   So a hunky bear, even more then Bert.  He's hunky enough for me, for
now, until I get bigger at least.  I stick my hand down my pants, and make
the nIln so I can feel it, or pretend.  He sucks on Him, and keeps jerking
on it.  Maybe one like that, if I can grow that much.  Long, and thin, and
skinny.  I mean, with the skin.  Mine's dark too, but still wadded up in
the crack.
   I pinch it under my hand, and pull it down.  Feel my dickhead slip
around in there, maybe I can get off again, before my back hurts in the
chair like this, or Ruth comes back from the shelter.  Still no luck
finding another caretaker, they can't afford to use laborers, or temp
workers, even if they could trust them so close to the school.  Since
Charley.  I guess if I felt like a victim I might be mad about them
covering it up.  I mean, if it got in the news, the scandal could ruin
them.
   God, they switched the camera around a lot.  A bit hard to follow, but I
guess as long as there's a dick in it, or some other nice piece of manflesh
to look at.  [>]
   There, now He had his hand on his.  It looked smaller in His big
fingers, or maybe it was his leg in the way.  On the side, blocking some of
it under his tight tummy.  "Oh!" The camera wasn't shaking, it moved back
to see he was rocking back, and forth, His hand pulling his hip, His hip
bouncing off his butt.  "OohH!"
   He moaned, and it switched to his face.  He was smiling, but it looked
like it hurt too.  He winced, and his face bounced closer to the screen. 
"Oh yes!" He had his eyes closed.
   "Oh yeah!" His hands slapped his butt, and he winced again.
   "Uh!" He was fucking him!  I giggled.  In the butt!
   "Yeah, fuck my ass!" And he liked it!  "I love it, I love your big hard
cock up my ass." The camera switched, and I could see it.  He had a little
hair in there, and it curled, when the thick pale dick pulled back. 
"Ohuah!" Or something like that.  I don't think it was a word.
   "NhHm!" He kept moaning, and grunting, and making slapping noises, but I
couldn't see it.  I was getting all squishy inside, so I closed my eyes,
and quit pulling.  My shorts felt damp, like my but was sweating, and
sticking to the chair.
   "MH!" Deep loud grunt.  I saw him pull back, pinch it, and rub his thumb
up, and down the top.  Still in him, I stopped holding my breath, and
started gasping in air.
   "Hh hih huh huhHhH!" He finished, and pulled it out.  Flapped it on his
butt, and a little white drop fell off with a string.  Then the camera
moved, turned upright, and showed his but.  It was pink, and swollen, but
he grunted cutely, and squeezed some out.  It rolled down, on his hanging
balls, and I saw he did have some hair on it.
   Black hair, just so tiny you really had to look close, like the ones on
my arms.  Then he squeezed some more.  "Ew!" I couldn't stop watching
though.  Then it switched to His face, and he stuck his tongue out. 
Looking up, but He closed his eyes until the white pee came out, and left a
stripe over His nose.  Then another, but the camera moved back so you could
see him hold the skin back.  His pink little tip swelled, and another
stripe peed out.
   Ruth {TF...}
   "I talked to Charley," Maud picked me up.  "He says you stoned him?"
   "I hit him with a rock," I laughed, "The first one missed." I thought,
"I didn't think 'Stone Him!' but I guess, yeah, I did." She laughed too. 
Snorted a little.  "So they caught him?"
   "He hitched out, but they managed to get him by description, didn't make
it out of state."
   "Convicted?"
   "Charged, Trespassing, Indecent Exposure, Sexual conduct with a Minor...
He's going to want his day in court, to rationalize it, but he doesn't have
any legal standing."
   "Diagnosis?"
   "Already done for me.  He has a medical history.  Opportunistic
predator, or in lay terms, a coward.  More of a scavenger, really.  When a
zebra limps, they go after that one.  Children, Elderly, Handicapped, or
otherwise weakened.  I didn't see anything to argue with that assessment,
but he's since added narcissistic persecution complex, or paranoid
delusions of grandur.  Of course, they are out to get him, because he's a
hebephiliac." I looked at her eyes.  "Not a pedophile, he's attracted to
the early stages of adolescence, probably because he sexualized then. 
Which isn't to say he won't abuse a child, or infant, but I'd guess it's a
favorite fantasy."
   "But a coward, so he doesn't fight-back?"
   "He's only capable of violence against an inferior, but he seems to be
passivistic when he's overborn?" Taps her teeth with a fingernail.  "An
overbearing woman, so probably mommy issues.  Or some mother figure.  For
instance, he went after the Schoolgirls, and picked out the most
vulnerable, rather than go after the Convent, because nuns are
intimidating."
   "Are they?" I'd heard, but it's like the 'Penguins will eat me'
teeshirt, doesn't make any sense.
   "To him," she nodded.
   "So I was vulnerable to him." I admit, I was not feeling, as bad, about
talking about it.
   "He saw advantages to take.  He mentioned you sheltered yourself, and
are self-conscious of your image." A nice way of saying my weight.  I sigh,
and nod.  "But when you caught him, and got violent, he was relatively
helpless."
   "Yeah," I realized he didn't fight back.
   "He didn't dodge around, or anything?" I shook my head, "He felt
trapped, between the fences." she rolled her eyes, "And didn't hide it very
well.  You terrorized him, though he can't admit it out loud.  Probably
some homophobia in there."
   "How's that?" This was fascinating.
   "You're a lesbian, and that threatened his masculinity.  Then, he
twisted it around into a conquest, but I think once you came down on him,
that defaulted back to intimidation.  That's what I picked up from him,
talking about it.  Keep in mind, he lies about it, and changes facts to
bias toward him, but he's remarkably easy to read.  When he's stressed.  I
have a major advantage because he's bound, and caged.  He hates that."
   "So it's not about sex, it's about control."
   "Huh!" she hates cliches, too.  "He's like a sex addict, but it's
compulsive.  Motive, I admit I don't know how that kind of mind works. 
It's for a book," she touched my arm.  "He became a sex-addict, because he
was predisposed to the compulsion, I'll probably go back to sort out his
upbringing.  Really lies about that.  Beyond that, he has to see some
advantage, or weakness to make a move."
   "Weird," but I saw what she ment.  Very hard to understand that way of
thinking, really.
   "It's amazing someone so disorganized managed to control himself that
long." She didn't talk to herself.  She 'thinks out loud,' I don't know the
difference.  But we pulled up to the house.  I really need to pick up some
tools.
   "Oh, the severance check came today.  It's huge, almost feels like a
bribe." Go away, and don't tell anyone about it.  "There's a
confidentiality agreement, involved."
   "How involved?" She let us in.
   "I don't know," I suck at Law.
   "You want a drink?" I guess I can claim ignorance.  Certainly shouldn't
be talking to an Author about it.  Not like a best-selling one, but I don't
like the idea of keeping one of the Church's secrets.
   "Any Jameson's left?" I'm not an alcoholic, but I like the taste.
   "Sure," she came down, and sat beside me.  "I've aldjusted my meds,
some."
   "Oh yeah?" I suck at pharmacology, too.
   She folded her glasses, "Yeah." smiled, leaned in, and kissed me.
   {Role Credits:
   * "Tainted Love" Written by: Ed Cobb Performed by: Gloria Jones (c) Used
without permission, ARR.} 
  
Gloria