Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Trigger Warning: Misandry.  Sorry guys, she doesn't really care for you a
whole hell of a lot.  Also, Rape.  Kinda trumps everything lesser, which is
pretty much the point.
   Ruth {FF NS Trig.  Soundtrack: (St:) Elvis Costello - Mostly Spike, and
Mighty like a Rose.  Starts with "So like Candy" (Mighty;)}
   Yeah, so the church payed for a trade school, a couple years, until I
failed out.  Real Estate/Building Maintenance.  A&M, College town, said it
right on the tin, Southern/western state not quite up to tornado alley, but
right about the buckle of the Bible Belt.  Also covered plumbing, HVAC,
residential wiring, building code, construction/remodel, and I basically
came in an apprentice Mason, so skated backwards through those labs,
juggling the puck.  Just for context:
   Dorm room, with a room-mate.  Early in the *esmester, so a new one. 
"Nhm!" Great, well I don't have to ask how her date went.  {And also a
little dyslecix* Doesn't always catch it in proofreading.}
   "Oh!" I helped her to her bed, "Are you okay?"
   "Why do guys have to be so;" she just broke down after that.
   "Huh!  What did he do?"
   "Nh!"
   "Anything to report him to campus security?" I smelled a little alcohol.
   "Nh?" she shook her head.
   "Erin, did you flashback?" She pulled herself tighter, and froze up. 
"Hh," I rubbed her back, "Relax, it's over.  He's not here, it's just you
and me, you can relax." She nodded, "Try and take a deep breath."
   "Huh huh huh huh!" Close enough.
   "Okay, let it out, and try to take another, yeah, that's good, just
breathe."
   "Huhhhhh!" I patted her back, and moved back to her bed.  So, she could
put her legs down, and fall over on her pillow.  "Yeah." She nodded,
sideways.
   "What?"
   "Huh, you're right.  Huh!  I guess, whenever I have a date, and he."
   "Calm down," her hands shook, and she covers her face.  "Don't trigger
yourself again, okay flowers and kittens." I rolled my eyes.
   "What?" She looked out.
   "Nothing, just something random to snap you out of it.  So, sit up,
catch your breath, and give your head a good shake.  I thought you might be
going through some PTSD, or something, but stop going over the same
thoughts over, and over, it doesn't go anywhere." I nodded, repetition
intentional to outline the emotive loop, bookended by Go as a way out: "I
think I went through, something like you, and it was years before I could
date again, so.  Huh!" Don't look at the clock, damnit!  It's too late, but
this is important.  "Hearh!" Also an anti-sexual abuse activist in my
mythical spare-time.  I yawned, "Can you hand me a soda out of the fridge?
Huh!  Thanks." Not like I can pull out my grades this semester anyway, so
PCH!  drop that class, and focus on the ones I can salvage.  "Huh!  All
right, now you know I go to group, and without thinking about it, you might
have something to come to group, and talk about?"
   She nodded, "I don't know," looked away, "If I could."
   "But you've thought about it, and you're not getting any better, by
yourself?" She shook her head, "All right, well you don't have to talk
about it tonight, but if you don't mind listening, I guess I can talk about
what happened to me.  As an example, and how I'm learning to cope with it.
All right?" she nodded, "Tell me if any of this is triggering, but I'll try
not to be too graphic about it." Every time it gets a little easier, "Here
goes;
   Huh!  I was molested, as a freshman in high school.  I thought, huh. 
Well, she was a senior, and popular.  I thought she wanted to be my friend,
but.  She turned out to be predatory, and took advantage of my niavetee."
   "Is that why, you're bisexual?"
   "Huh!  No, well yes, and no.  Okay, you're making it very complicated,
well it is, but, yes.  Okay, I have sex with women to help me get, past
that experience, but.  I don't really identify as bisexual."
   "Why not?" at least she's feeling calm enough to ask questions, and
might I add, actually talk about sexuality.
   "Well, because with other women, it's not like sex for me.  It's more
like, masturbation, only a lot easier because I can see everything, and
reach everything easier.  You know how, difficult it can be, when you play
with yourself?"
   "Oh," she shook her head, "I don't."
   "Never?" kept shaking her head, "Okay, do you think, possibly it might
have to do with, what happened, or your religious beliefs?"
   "Well, I'm not judging you for it.  I mean, yeah, I guess you'll still
get into heaven, because Jesus absolves us from all that, but I try not to
live a sinful life anyway."
   "Well, it's not sinful." I nodded, "Nowhere in there does it say
anything about that.  It's men, who run the church, and get up there to
tell women it is, so that they don't have to compete or whatever.  Look,
I'm not going to misrepresent myself as a biblical scholar, nor an expert
on men, but the church is extremely sexist, and repressive of women when
the Bible just doesn't say any of that.  It bans gay sex, between men,
that's it.  I read it, grew up Catholic just like you, and men make this
shit up, and wave a bibles so it looks like it says it in there.  It just
doesn't."
   "Really?"
   "Yeah, and sexual tension, along with your, bad memories, are not
healthy.  I'm not saying not masturbating is unhealthy, but.  Huh!  It
sounds like you have no sexual outlet, whatsoever, except for the
flashback. And that's driving you fucking nuts." I can tell.
   "Yeah," she nodded, "I guess you're right." Looked down.
   "Well, don't let me gaslight you," I got up, "I'm going to take a
shower, so you can have the room to yourself.  But try to think about
something else.  Anything else, when you start feeling scared, or anxious.
You can tell, when you're going to have another attack?"
   "Yeah, so flowers, and kittens?"
   "Yeah, or whatever.  You don't even have to think about sex, at all. 
But you need to get off, I swear, you'll feel better, so just think about
whatever makes you happy." I finished grabbing all my stuff, and went up
the hall.  I probably gave her plenty of time, curled up to cry in the
corner, but at least the dorm water heaters held up for hours, right?
   "Snh!"
   Sometimes, you just have to let it all out.  So, that out of the way I
could think about football.  Players, I know it's stereotypical, but I like
the uniforms.  The nice tight pants, the way the pads exaggerate their
manly shapes, even their grunts, and the loud crush of them coming together
when the ball snaps.
   "Hm!" so at least I can get it out to play with, and turn off the water
to rub circles, so it doesn't rinse the lube away when it starts to well
up. "Yeah," then they have to head to the locker room, the shower, "HhHhH!"
Yeah, all those guys, naked together, slapping asses, "Good game," and all
that sweat, "SNHHHH!" I can almost smell it.  Then the water cutting off,
and them looking back, at me standing in the door.
   "Knock knock..." Cum in...
   "Nhmeah!" I'm wet enough for a fingertip, and swirl it around. 
Imagining them turning around, cumming forward, getting hard, and their
hands all over me.  "Mh yeah!"
   ;
   Erin {FF...  ST: "How to be Dumb" (MLAR)}
   "Hh!" I stopped.
   "Feel any better?" She took the towel off her hair, and pulled out the
curls with her fingers.  "Snh!"
   "Yeah, a little." I sat up.  "Umh, how do you get off?"
   "Every girl's different," she sat down, legs crossed.  She nodded, "You
never got off?"
   "Huh, just," I hugged my legs.
   "Oh, I'm sorry." I shook my head.  "Hh, did he get you off?"
   I nodded.
   "He raped you."
   I shook my head.
   "Hh, look.  Getting aroused, and climaxing doesn't make it any less
rape, but, you know I work with Take back The Night?" nod, "Well, I've
talked to a lot of rape victims, and if you weren't raped, then you're
abused, acutely enough that there's no practical difference."
   "Yeah," I took a deep breath, "He raped me." Shivered.
   "Good, I mean what he did was evil, and he will burn in hell for it, but
it's good to say it."
   "Yeah," I actually felt a little better, just to tell someone.
   "Nh!" All of a sudden, I don't remember getting up, or moving, but I was
on her bed, crying, and she just rubbed my back, and said soothing stuff,
until I could calm down.  "Snh!" I dried my eyes, "You're really good at
that."
   "Thanks, but, I wish I didn't have to."
   "Yeah, huh.  I think, you think, I might be able, I mean ready, to talk?
About it?"
   "I can't answer that, you mind if I put some clothes on?"
   "Hh!" I just stretched out, relaxed.
   "Okay, were you drunk?" no, "Or was he drunk, at the time?" Uh uh. 
"Okay, well that should eliminate it as a possible trigger, but.  I can't
help but notice your drinking, it puts you at risk."
   "How do you mean?"
   "College campus?  Look, guys rape drunk girls every night, on this
campus alone, we can't even patch them up faster than they make more
victims, so it's like bailing a sinking ship."
   "Are you." I sat up.  "Having an attack?"
   "Huh!" She sat down.  "Can I have my bed back?"
   "Yeah, sorry."
   "Don't be, and in answer to your question, yes.  I was about to, and you
stopped me.  So, thanks for that."
   "No problem."
   "It's just overwhelming, and it's starting to, feel more important than
my schoolwork, even."
   "So, you're saying, maybe I was getting drunk, to get raped again?"
   "No, I didn't say that, why?" she shook her head, "Did you think that,
or any other self destructive thoughts?"
   "Well?" I shook my head, "Not really, but.  Huh, maybe, in the back of
my head.  I might have thought, I might be able to go through with it, or.
You know.  Huh!  Uh?"
   "Not really, but I have heard it before.  You want to conform, all the
other girls have boyfriends, or it seems like, and they look so happy,
right?"
   I nodded.
   "Well, a lot of that comes from the sexist message, that you need a man,
we need men to survive.  That's why we don't make as much, and yet have a
higher cost of living.  We have to wear makeup, to be pretty enough to
attract a man, who makes enough money to afford all that makeup."
   "You really hate sexism." I could see how mad it made her, just talking
about it.
   "Yah, the problem is that it also attracts, the wrong kinds of, them. 
The ones who call you slut for not going out with them." Shook her head,
"Like that makes any damned sense, but back to you.  You like men, right?
You are attracted to them?"
   "Oh yeah, I don't go out with them, just cause it's expected, I really
do want to be happy."
   "Well, you don't need a man to be happy, but it might help you get past
your fear, and pain associated with them.  So, what kind of men, and what
do you like about them?"
   "Umh?" I thought, "Sensitive guys, intellectuals?  Yeah, smart, they
don't have to wear glasses, but that helps.  And, you know, sharp?  Not
like nerdy, or too nerdy, but it helps if they dress well."
   "Yes," she nodded, "That would be consistent with the guys I see you go
out with.  Do they feel Safe to you?  As opposed to other guys?"
   "I guess?  Yeah, I guess they're, not as scary?"
   "And it helps if they can hold a conversation," she winked, "Right? 
Ironically, I like the opposite.  Big dumb jocks, I don't know why.  I
mean, other than they're nice to look at, and fuck like a piledriver, but.
Huh, I guess I don't like being challenged, intellectually, by them."
   "You're real smart."
   "Thank you, huhn.  Feel better?  Because I need to pass out, and you're
pretty drunk.  So, I'm going to turn out the light now." Click, "And
probably drop a couple classes tomorrow."
   "Goodnight, Ruth."
   "Good night, Erin."
   ;
   Studio {FS Sculpt.  I guess that character code is for
Sculpture/Subject. St: "Invasion Hit Parade" (Mighty Like a Rose)}
   "Ch!" The art lab's open, so they let me sit in.  The back, they're
painting still-life anyway.
   Lit a candle.
   "Eyes on the subject," she got their attention back.  I closed my eyes,
while the candle made a nice well.  Spilled it out on the tummy, and opened
my eyes to work it in.  Starting with red, I lit a yellow to make a nice
brown, mixed it in like paint, and blended it out, before it cooled too
much.  Now that the wax under it warmed up for it to start cooling slower.
"Huh," white, cheap, for blocks this size, since I have to pay for my own
supplies.  If I'm going to be coloring it, today.
   Ch!  Pwhhhhhhh!  I opened up the torch to a nice tongue of flame, and
just flashed it around, set the sparker aside to smooth it out with the
heat.  Not even close, this darker brown soaks it up a lot faster, so ever
higher.  Whhwwhh!
   "Class, eyes front."
   I softened the balls, or hemispheres cut with the hot wire, and fixed
them on the chest.  WhhwwhhwwWH!  Shit it off, after blending them in, and
felt between to start shaping them before they cooled.  Good, the candles
bot have great pools, so I picked them up to start coloring out, from the
nipples.
   Kshshshsh!  I looked back at the curtain, being pulled across to
partition the studios.  "Ope," that's enough, so start blending it
around...
   {"Harpies' Bizarre" (MLAR)...}
   ;
   Ruth {FF Mast.  Trig fg Mole Ince}
   "Nh!"
   "You all right?"
   "Yeah, nh!  Fine?"
   "Well," I turned over, "Can you try to keep it down?" Hard enough to
sleep without her playing with herself.' {Incidentally, that's her
muttering;" to herself...'}
   At least she put a robe on, and went out.  "And, snh?  Stinking up the
room." How I know I'm not gay, we don't smell right.  Not like guys sweat,
"Huh!" but now I'm all hot and bothered, so.  "Wh!"
   Put on Last Boat leaving (Spike;)
   "Hush my little one, don't say a word..."
   "Hhn." My fingers are getting soft, and fat.  At least I got a decent
callous from writing and drawing so much.  Gotta learn it, to make any
decent money, much less a difference in this world, their world.  Not that
we'd run it any better, but you think you could at least share?  You don't
have to care, just share.  But the side of my fuck you finger's still hard
enough, so.  "Yeah," nlm, "Go fuck yourself."
   So, "Sharon, 'nd Karen," hadn't had the twins fantasy for a while.  Real
girls, in middleschool, but I just fantasized.  Doing anything with them.
"Oh, we do everything together." And anyone, like me?  Like I ever had the
guts to say that, or anything, to any of them.
   "Huh!" I'm just not warming up tonight, so grab my pillow.  Crush it
under my head.  Like Khanny, now why'd I think of that?  Am I homesick,
really?
   "Hmh!"
   'ruthy?'
   'mhM?"
   "Can you play, mommy?..  Well, like you play with yourself." Or I just
did.  "Didn't you ever play with mommy?"
   "Yeah;" then I got too old.  "She stopped."
   "Nh?  Ihihihihihn!"
   "Well," she looked down, "Can you play with me?"
   "Huh!" she came back, drying hair.  "Sorry."
   "No," I sat up, "That's all right," shook my head, "I wasn't sleeping
anyway."
   "Oh," she put the towel down.  "Okay."
   "Are you, feeling any better?" She followed my eyes.
   "Huh, it still, kind of hurts?"
   "Inside?"
   "Oh," she shook her head, "I don't go inside."
   "Okay, then what're you doing wrong, *then." *Redundant.
   "Uh?" she shrugged, so I moved over to her bed.  "I don't know?" Held
her shoulder, felt up and down her back.
   "In the top?" She nodded, "Well, that's still probably pretty sensitive,
you mind if I take a look?" I rubbed her legs.  On the outside, just felt
out to her knee, and left it there.  "Erin?"
   She shook her head.
   "Does that mean you wouldn't mind?"
   "Yeah," she nodded, "Huh!"
   "Relax," I shook her knees back and forth together.  "Just need to slip
these down, a little.  Okay?" She nodded.
   "Now, just lay back, good.  I'm just going to look in the top.  Ooh."
She's hairy.  "You don't do that dry, do you?"
   "And wet, in the shower."
   "Well, there's your problem.  Lube is your friend.  I licked my fingers,
and headded back over to my bed.  "Snh?" Just sweat, and had to be mine,
because she just went and rubbed herself raw in the shower.  "Hun!" Shake
my head, "Okay, you're probably too," *sore?  "Sensitive, huh!  So, you'll
want to try indirect stimulation.  Since you actually have pubic hair,"
Actually surprised me the first time I saw it, but she's Baptist.  "So
start up here, and just beat around the bush to see whet pops out.  Yeah,
good, now what do you think about?"
   She looked at me.
   ?
   Looked away.
   "Damn it!" I grabbed my towel on the way out.
   "No, Ruth?" She grabbed my arm.
   "Don't touch!" I pulled it out, "Me!" I whirled around, "Look.  I'm
sorry I lied to you, but I'm not bisexual.  Huh!  I didn't start that
rumor, I just have a lot of gay, bi, and feminist friends.  To tell the
truth, I was serially molested, by women and girls, and that just made me
progressively more vulnerable to women and girls."
   "I'm sorry," she touched my arm.
   "It's okay." I nodded, "You didn't know."
   "Your mom?"
   "Heah," I plopped down on the corner of my bed.  "Started, well I don't
remember when it started, I barely remembered when she stopped.  The tooth
fairy, huh!  I didn't get any quarters, she just stopped tucking me in at
night, and went to read my sister a story.
   The Junglebook.  Was my favorite movie, I had a stuffed tiger, Shere
Khan, I called him Khanny, and he kept the monsters away.
   She didn't, I didn't know, it was sexual.  Huh!  She just touched me,
the way she always touched me.  When she," tucked me in.  "Huh, baths too.
I don't remember potty training, but I remember my sister.  Potty training;
and, huh.  I guess that's when she started molesting her too.  Not in front
of me, or together, but when she died.  Huh!  I guess I molested her too."
   "So, you're a child molestor?"
   "No, sorry.  Huh!  I don't, why I would never, but she came onto me?  I
don't do it any more, and I was still very much a child myself.  Look, I
could have molested you, right then, and there.  I didn't."
   "Well, I'm not a child."
   "Well, I'm not a molestor, I don't make victims, I help you."
   "Well, you just said you molested your little sister?"
   "Huh, we molested eachother, or we mostly masturbated together, but I
huh!  I guess it was incestuous, but yeah, sometimes.  It felt like, I was.
Molesting her."
   {Auto-advances to the next Album.  Elvis Costello - "The Other Side of
Summer" (Mighty like a Rose.) 2 CD player.}
   ;
   Erin {FF Flashbacks.  FF EmoAbuse.  Serious warning, redzone.}
   "On the side of caution," she nodded.
   "Okay?" I shook my head.  "He, hH!  Snh, well I guess you could say he
stalked me."
   "Freindzone, or endzone?"
   "Wha?"
   "Sorry, did he try to be your friend, and push past that boundry, or was
he way out where you could barely see him?"
   "Oh yeah.  I didn't even know his name."
   "Endzone.  Power-reassurance." she shook her head, "Or erotomanic, if
you're a celebrity.  How old were you?"
   "Thirteen?"
   Nod, "Plausible ephebophiliac.  Older?  Yeah, uh, sometimes I find it
helps to understand the attacker, and his possible motivations.  At least
that answers a lot of the Why questions.  Keeps the victims from blaming
yourselves."
   "Oh."
   "Go on..."
   "Oh, well." Took a minute, "Um, yeah, so I caught him, and.  Well, he
was kinda cute, and sweet when I got to know him.  Huh, but then.  He kind
of went too fast."
   "With sex."
   "Well intimacy, he hugged and wanted to kiss me right away, but he said
I love you."
   "That first day?"
   "Why, it couldn't have even been an hour."
   "Reassurance.  That's their delusion, that you're in love.  Uhuh?  too,
with them, but they develop their obsession from afar.  You rejected him?"
   "How did you know?"
   "Because he raped you.  Huh.  I'm sorry." He rocked me in her arms. 
Over my shoulder, and around to my arm.  "But that's what triggers them to
violence.  You didn't know, he could have just as easily beaten you, or
strangled you to death.  They just don't teach this in schools.  Or, to
College instructors." Well, it's a trade school.
   "Yeah, huh.  I finally tried to kick him out." I winced.
   "What'd he do?"
   I just made the sign.
   "Beat off on you?" I turned away, "Your face?" She shook me by the
shoulder, "It's all right, it's over.  Stop flashing back."
   "Uh uh uh!" {Author's note.  Yeah, she's doing it on purpose. 
Subconsciously, sadistic.} "Huh!  Then he.  He touched me, and, he made me
get off."
   "With his fingers?" She smoothed down my skirt.
   "Huh!" I nodded.
   "Likeat?"
   "Nhm?"
   "Huh, you need a drink?"
   "I want a real drink."
   "Well, that's not helping, either.  All right, take a few more deep
breaths, and then we can go on."
   I took her arm, and she sat down.  So, I kissed her.
   "Wait," she shook her head, "What?"
   "Hh, thank you." I looked down, "For helping me with all this."
   "Hh," you're welcome," she walked back, turned to the corner.  Looked at
nothing.
   Hands up on her hips, and she even stands like a man.  All the time, or
nearly, but that's the first thing you notice.  Sw'y everbody thinks she's
gay, or a 'dyke' the way they call it.  Because she doesn't even walk like
a girl, she swaggers.  Pushes guys out of the way, they're scared to get
the door for her, I seen it.  And I must say, I find that incredibly
attractive.
   "Huh, I thought I was straight.  And now, I'm not so sure."
   "Well great," she rummaged in her drawers, "And now I need to go take a
shower."
   ;
   Ruth {FF Solo Fant.}
   "Huh!" at least they got a CD player, so I rummage through my ditty
duffle on the sink counter.  "Huh," Spike: The beloved Entertainer.
   >| >> "One two three four five six seven eight nine ten, eleven."
   Bling!  "It's not open, to discussion anymore..."
   "Huh!" Water feels about right.
   ..
   We need more velvet throated singers, so I sand along.  Contralto,
church choir.
   ..
   "Baaaby plays around...  And so it seems, I've always been the last to
know." Snh!  "I wish to God, I didn't love her so.  'Cause baby plays
around.  I try to be strong, hold onto my pride.  She doesn't even know
it's wrong, how much I hurt inside, SNH!  And heaven know I've tried, but.
Baaaaby plays a round!"
   Just a plaything, it's hard to reconcile, the facts I'm facing.  "Huh!"
Wipe my face, "Snh!" The shower waters it down.
   And yeah, it feels kinda dirty.
   I turn off the cold, "Just not the kind I like." Shiver.
   >|
   "All the children testify," I grabbed for the towel, "That Miss
Macbeth;"
   "Huh!" Got my hands dry, not really in the mood for that one.
   << "eleve, ten, nine,"
   "Meao!"
   << "Nine.  Huh!" Shake my head.
   "She looked like she learned to dance, from a series of still
pictures..."
   ;
   Erin {...}
   "Hh!" I just didn't bother to stop.  I had my blankets over it.  "This
make you uncomfortable?"
   "Not really," she shrugged, "Not like I haven't listened to you play
with yourself." Or seen me naked.
   "Hh," I nodded.
   "You're getting better?"
   I nodded, "Hm?  Yeah, huh!  I was, trying to do it, like he got me off."
   "Spammed the clit?"
   "Spam?"
   "Sorry, gamer term." Right, D&D crowd, "Well, originally computer term,
for junk email.  But he was rough, and dry?"
   "Heah." Just nodding, not even looking back any more.
   "You mind if I turn off the light?"
   "No, not at all.  huH!"
   "Look, you're a beautiful girl, and.  Huh!  It's not like, I'm not
interested.  It's just my issues, you understand.  I've been hurt a lot
too, and now's not a good time for you, either."
   "How do you mean?"
   "You're just starting to work on it, but you're more comfortable talking
about it.  And, it doesn't turn you off, at all?"
   "Oh no!" I squeezed my hands, "Huh!"
   "It turns you on?"
   "Yeah."
   "The memory, of your rape?"
   "Nh?" I nodded, "Only, not him." I took a breath, "You."
   "Yeah, that's what I mean by vulnerable.  Huh!  It also makes me feel,
uncomfortable."
   "How?"
   "Predatory?  I don't like, to feel likeat."
   "HhhhhHhHhH!" I slipped my fingers out, and just ran my fingers up, and
down my spasming tummy.  "Hh h h, h.  H!"
   "Feel better?"
   "Oh yes, so much.  Huh!  Ruth?"
   "Yes, Erin."
   "Huh, you think I could, huh!  Kiss you?"
   "Huh?" She looked away, pink as a balloon.  "Yeah, okay." She closed her
eyes, and turned back.
   "Smq?"
   "Hh," she took my hands, "You think you could, huh.  Go wash you hands?"
   "Yeah," I kissed her forehead.  "Snh?" No shampoo smell.  "Can I borrow
your shampoo?"
   I looked at it: "[Bath and Body Works?]"
   "Yeah, they got all kinds of scents there, too.  But, you don't have to
buy them."
   "Oh," I grabbed a towel too.  "Thanks."
   "I'm sensitive, to fragrances."
   "Oh," I pulled the door after me.
   ;
   Ruth {FF...  Groom?  LFIK, it's going slow.  I believe I adequately
explained why, and trigger codes are kind of moot at this point...}
   At least I can program my CD player, and probably fire up Winamp to burn
a mixed tape.  "Huh!" Too much like work, but start with After the Fall...
   "In an anonymous rendezvous,"
   "Huh!  Thanks, Declan." Keep on doing what you're doing...
   Get my fingers wet again.  If she's gonna be stinking up the room
anyway, might as well fight back.  "Snh?" Mine doesn't bother me, "Hahah!"
Like a fart, I guess.
   "Hhn!"
   That was quick!
   "Oh," she turned back to the door.
   "No," I didn't stop, "it's all right, please stay."
   "You left your CD," she popped it in the open case.
   I started reaching for the stereo, shook my head.  "Wrong album.  Uhm,
just sit down." Already propped up on my pillows, sideways.  "Huh, you want
to watch?"
   She nodded, and put her legs up.
   "You mind," pulled the corner of the towel out of the way.
   "Nah, goahead.  Huh!  One of the things I like about girls, especially
straight girls;"
   "Oh," she shook her hed, just inching her fingertips in her pubes.  "Mh!
I'm gay.  Huh, totally gay, I just.  Well like you said, huh!  I guess I
was trying to conform."
   "D'you tell the RA?"
   "No, well.  I left that blank, in the questionnaire."
   "Huh, she's homophobic, but one of those.  'Oh no, some of my best
friends;' Huh, denial ones.  She doesn't want to sound homophobic, but; So,
she does it with Denial.  Sticks us lesbos together, so we don't
contaminate the straight girls, doesn't know what the fuck she's talking
about." Nodding, "You healed?" Back to direct clitoral, just getting turned
on first, and not as hard as she can.
   "Yeah," she nodded.  "Uhm, how many times, can you get off?"
   "Idaknow," ;) "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a
Tootsie Roll Pop?" She laughed.
   "Huhan?  You're funny, and I love that about you."
   "Hh," okay, she's known me a while by now.  {Just kinda skipped past the
boring stranger-roommate transition to the good stuff for you, the
readers.}
   "What?" she looked down, blushing.  Didn't stop.  "Huh, sorry if that
makes you a little uncomfortable."
   I shrugged, "I'll get over it, but as I was saying.  Huh, at least girls
can go slow.  I don't have to floor the brakes, but it's better this way.
It's complicated, so it's easy to skip chapters ahead.  But really, it
works so much better to stop and smell the roses, as often as possible." I
know my brain ain't workin' when I resort to speaking in cliche's.  "Huh!
So, I was also raped, like you." She stopped, "It was my girlfriend's son,
so not exactly like you.  He didn't have to stalk me, I was over at his
house all the time, but she took advantage of me.  Then, he took advantage
of the opportunity that presented.  Then, I went insane for a while. 
Nervous breakdown, talking to myself, or the voice in my head, and paranoid
delusions about demons.  Huh!  My doctor said it was probably maternal
psychosis, but it came out like a combination of schizophrenia, and
multiple personality.  She even had a name." Well, Lilith.  "Uh!"
   "Wow, so when you say Maternal."
   "I mean while I was pregnant, for like half a year, then I got in a
convent, had an exorcism, and gave my daughter to the orphanage.  That
seemed to do the trick, I'm even off the medication for it." After the
post-partum depression wore off.
   "But you have a daughter."
   "Yeah, Janeane.  After Janeane Garafalo?"
   "Oh yeah." She nodded.
   {St: >| "Sweet Pear." (Mighty;) Hasn't even met Maud yet, but Veronica
is still top 40, and Rose brand-new.}
"She's about 3, or 4.  All this happened in high-school.  Then, the
church payed for my GED, and some classes here.  I'm pretty much down to
Art.  Huh!  Ask me how the fuck you teach art, but.  I guess they're easy
As, so I can stay in school.  Maybe the rest of the semester, but really
it's for the labs.  Huh!  I get a timeslot in the studios.  So, I can keep
working on that, but they say they can use me in groundskeeping when I get
back."
   "Back where?"
   "Utah.  Yes, there's a Catholic convent in Utah."
   "Oh."
   "Well," I pulled out my fingers, "I guess you got the gist of it, you
want to try it on me, now?"
   "Yeah," she got up.
   "Okay, just not too rough on the clit, okay?"
   "Yeah," she sat on the side of the bed.  And felt up the inside of my
thigh.
   'hHH!" I just closed my eyes.  "Snh!" Smelled my fingers.
   "Oh yeah, and great bodywash."
   "Thanks," I nodded, "Can you keep talking, too?"
   "Yeah."
   "It helps, distract me.  HmmmnH!" I licked my lips, "Yeah, just likeat,
for a while."
   "Okay?"
   "Scented products, huh!  They mask the natural smells."
   "Huh!" she put her other hand on my thigh.  "Can you touch me too?"
   "I can try." I opened my eyes, and stopped at hers, for a while.  She
smiled, and looked down, blushing.  "Here," I reached up, "Let's get this
towel off of you." Between her cute perky little breasts.  And untucked the
corner.  Dropping it behind her, I felt up her back.  "Come here," and felt
one, to bring the tiny pink point to my lips.
   "Huh!" She stopped.  Touching me, good, I don't need the distraction.
   "Smp!" I rubbed my thumb of the now wet, and stiffened nipple.  "Huh! 
Whoohahhh!" Blew it dry, and them breathed on it.  "Smq," sucked all around
it, to find it with my tongue.
   "Huh!" she felt my hair, with her fingers twining wet, and dry in my
curls.
   "Qlq!"
   "Yeah."
   I like to take my sweet time...
   {>| Broken...}
   ;
   Aryn {FF...  Pretty much just changing PoV.  Cons; Also, Race.  Since it
becomes an issue.}}
   "Huh!" I shook it out, but she just kissed the other one, again.  "Okay,
that's enough." more than enough, "Got, it's like you can suck my titties
all night?"
   "Aye, lass," she nodded, "Good reason for that." Grinning.
   "Well, huh!  It also makes me incredibly horny."
   "Sorry," she looks down, "If I go too slow, just say when to move on."
   I kissed her back, "Well, huh!  You think you could kiss me," I looked,
"down there?"
   "You only had to ask." She started kissing my chest, but in between, and
just squeezed around her face.
   {St: Still autoplay on the same playlist, on repeat.  "After the
Fall..."}
   "Huh!  You don't, seem to mind, that I'm black.
   "Smq?" She shook her head.  "Smhrh!" Wiped her face back and forth over
my tummy.  "I'm not gonna blow smoke up your butt, and say there's no
racist lesbians, but because of my, sexual, complex.  Es," shook her head
harder this time.  "I believe in 1 race: Human.  The differences are pretty
superficial," shrugs, "You're harder to draw, shadows on, or tell when
you're flushed, but I can feel it." Up almost to my neck, then wiping that,
and her shoulders with her fingers, and knuckles.
   "Hhn!" I was looking at the sketch, in Charcoal.  She did pretty good,
but then my eyes closed.  "Uhm?"
   "Yeah," she kissed my belly button.
   "Hm," sucked it out, "Yeah, nh!" Okay, I knew about my nipples, but
seriously?  "OhhHH!"
   God it makes such a difference.  Or everything, guys just don't know how
to touch a girl."
   "Mhm?" It slipped out, "SPUP!"
   'uH!" I hunched, "Huh!  Yeah, I guess because they don't know how it
feels, like."
   "Don't have all the parts, and, they're.  Simpler, so I guess learning
this level of complexity, may be harder for them?"
   "How do you mean?"
   "Well," she put her elbow down.
   {Georgie and her Rival...}
   "Actually, I don't know either."
   "Mhm?" I nodded.  Back on the pillow, or the one under my neck, she put
another under my back, but just rubbed her palm over my sex, and her
fingers over my pubes.  "HuhaAh!?" She just drummed her fingers, but it
felt fantastic!  "Huhuh?"
   "Hahaha!  I love your name, bye the way.  Well, the way you spell it is
Ironic.  You know, being the opposite of Arayan?"
   "Yeah!" I laughed too, "You know I never thought of that?" I looked
down, "Are you?" Back and forth between her eyes.
   "Halfway," she shrugged, "Depending on how you define it.  Scotch Irish,
Buchannan in the old country.  Mixed British isles, actually.  Some Welsh,
and Manx too.  Smq?"
   "Huh!"
   "And I can't help you're pretty Anglicanized.  With a name like Bourne."
   "Oh, it's pronounced Bernie."
   "Like the town."
   "Yeah, I'm from SA?" It's a satellite community of.
   "Well, that's what I mean," looking down, "If you want to talk about
it..." She blew on my pubes, I didn't even realize were that moist. 
"Whooohhahhh?"
   "Nght!" I shook my head.
   Going down, it felt so hot on my waxed lips.
   "SLH!"
   "Huh!"
   We let the conversation go from there, for a while.
   ;
   Ruth {FF Pseu Saph.  Okay, it turns out neither is, technically a
lesbian.  Not the only way these things happen.
   St: "All Grown-up;" then back to "So like Candy." On repeat...  At some
point she put Spike; in the other tray.}
   "SPH!"
   "Mhm, yeah."
   "Huh!" I looked up, "I must say you're pretty insensitive."
   "Well, actually I'm a masochist."
   "What?"
   "I love pain, need it to get off, really."
   "I know, but.  Really?"
   "Yeah, bondage helps.  Huh!  I leid, to you, a lot okay?  I heard,
you're kinda saphobic."
   "No I'm not!"
   "And in denial about it."
   "I'm," not in denail.  "Snh;" She nodded.
   "So, yeah.  Sorry.  Not my first rodeo-cowboy."
   "Huhah?"
   "Hihihn!  So yeah, anyway.  Hh, I saw you, in Art Class last year. 
Well, you came in to use the studio, and." she shrugged, "I guess I watched
you, and.  Yeah, it got me into Elvis Costello.  Huh." She rolled her eyes,
"I'm also a Furry, Nekomimi?"
   "Kitty play?"
   "Yeah, but not like, Hello Kitty, or Hentai."
   She chucked her head at the CD player, "Pads, Paws, and Claws."
   "Hahaha!  I hate that song."
   "I figured, since you always skip past it."
   {Still workin' onit...  
  
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