The Naughty Gaffer On Language and Grammar
No sex here, just some ideas about writing
Brndtag at mcn.net

Our writers run a gamut from pretty good on language and grammar to pretty bad. A lot of my comments here will be opinion but some of them will be about rules of grammar and writing that used to be standard and still should be.
If you are writing dialect, you use the rules that suit your dialect, like Mark Twain did. If you wish to write standard English, there are some things to remember.

On the Use of Lay, Lie, Laid and Lied
As writers of smut, we often have our participants in horizontal positions. Sometimes our participants put themselves there and sometimes they put their friends, lovers, toys and lubricants there. This creates serious problems in language use and grammar. A lot of our smut friends use the verbs incorrectly and it jars my ear badly. The verbs “lie” and “lay” create the problem.
In English, the verb “to lie” has two functions. One is to tell falsehoods and isn’t our problem now. The other use of “to lie” is a reflexive verb. If you’ve managed to forget your grammar lessons, that means that the subjective of the verb is also the object – the verb “reflects” back on the actor. Thus, “I lie on the bed, watching as you remove my last garment, my heart pounding with lust.” This would be correct present-tense usage. Its past participle is “lay”: “I lay across your lap last night as you pulled my panties down.” Because my sweetheart is narrating about last night, she uses the reflexive past tense, “lay”. It’s just as true for third person: “He lay under her on the bed, their bare flesh in warm contact from neck to knee.” Past perfect: “I have lain on my bed for hours, embracing that picture of you, naked and glorious.”
The verb “to lay” means to put something else down. It has a subject who does the laying and it has an object, that which the subject lays. “Brian carries Carina upstairs and lays her tenderly on his soft quilt.” Past tense: “Marina laid her vibrator on the bedside stand. She was pleased to see the charge indicator read ‘Full’”. Past perfect: “I have laid many a wench where you lie now, and all rose with smiles on their lips,” the roguish pirate sneered.

Comprise
The word “comprise” means “to take in”. So a team comprises its members and our orgy club comprised seven men, three women, and a few cheerful switch hitters. The structure “…was comprised of…” is always a sign to rewrite the sentence.

Hopeful Use of Hopefully
The word “hopeful” is an adjective and “hopefully” is an adverb – it needs an action that occurs with hope. Thus: “I watched hopefully as she began to open her jeans. She had removed her blouse with her blinds open and I hoped she would get naked with them still open.” The version “Hopefully, she was going to leave her blinds open, as last night when I got to watch her play with herself,” is poor grammar. Also, if you use a flashlight, she will probably notice you. She may notice you hopefully, if she hopes you will watch her.

Mixing Plural and Singular Forms, and Gender Neutrality
Personally, I favor the female gender, being a member of the male gender. Unto each one’s own, of course – and that’s an example of writing gender neutrality. For centuries, writers used “he” and “him” as mass nouns to include women and men. In the last fifty years or so, many people have come to think this was exclusive and patriarchal. People now often try to use gender-neutral writing and I think that’s often a good idea. The problem is a tendency to say something like, “Anyone may want their sex with or without spanking.” “Anyone” is singular and “their sex” is plural. (Personally, I think spanking should also be singular, but I am open to finding out if spanking two pretty girls is even better than spanking one.) Revising the sentence: “People may want their sex with or without spanking.” It can be difficult to write gender-neutral material. My usual trick is to use a plural form, as I did here.

Obscenity and Sex Talk
I’m on thin ground here and the next part is all opinion. I happen to dislike the terms “fuck”, “cunt”, “ass” and “cock”. Just a matter of taste, I know. For some reason I like the words “sex”, “vagina”, “bottom” and “penis.” So I use a range of terms favoring the ones I like. I think it creates a warmer, gentler tone in my writing. If other terms give you the effect you want, that’s what you should use. There are readers who prefer my softer touch and others who prefer the more vigorous or even raunchy forms.
I have mild obsessions about the words “spank”, including all its forms, and “panties”. I liked just typing them into a sentence about how much I like them.

The Naughty Gaffer’s #2 Rule of Grammar and Language 
My profile mentions a particular writing trick or technique that I work on. It includes a challenge to see if you can spot what it is. If you read a few stories, you may see what it is. In a way, I’d be disappointed because I’d rather my stories made you hot and bothered and eager to have some brand of sex. Anyway, take a look and I’ll be right here when you get back.
Have you read a couple of stories? All cleaned up? Good. Here it is: if you go through the stories, you’ll see that nearly all sentences are phrased in a positive form. That is, I try to say, “He kept his eyes on my tits the whole time” instead of “He never took his eyes or hands off my tits.” “I licked the head of his marvelous penis, being sure to give his frenulum all the attention he could stand,” rather than “I licked …not forgetting to …” Of course I use “not” forms if the sentence stumbles too much when I try a positive form. Give this a try in your own work – I think it’s much more effective to emphasize what should happen, the condition we want to achieve (in our case, horniness) rather than what we don’t want.

#1 Rule of Grammar and Language
The #1 rule is to be clear as you convey your story. Use the rules of correct grammar as tools rather than goals (see how I got out of the “not” there?). If you use them consistently, your writing will be clearer and your readers will enjoy the story more. If a rule is really in your way, modify it as necessary.

#1 Rule of Story-telling
Enjoy your own story. That’s the only way anyone else will enjoy it.