Chapter 9 ~ Mf, f
Erin was feeling euphoric after she left the store, feeling high from the nice orgasm Ashley had given her, still savoring the tangy flavor of the older girl's vagina on her tongue. She walked away and stopped at a bench for a moment, adjusting her bags of under things she had purchased, and tugged at her new throat choker, still marveling that she could now go out in public without a turtleneck or a scarf. She also realized while pulling herself together that her vagina was absolutely soaked, both with her own juices, and from Ashley's tongue. She felt wet and squishy from front to back, so she took a small detour to the restrooms, checked one of the larger "family" rest rooms, found it unlocked, and slipped inside, locking herself in. She liked this one best because it was larger, private, and had a changing table for babies onto which she could put whatever stuff she had, and had a small padded couch with a sign over it that said, "For Breastfeeding Mothers, a Courtesy from Your Friends at La Mercada." Erin took some tissue from the stall, pulled down her shorts and panties to her knees, and began drying herself up. She used another handful of tissue to dry between her cheeks, too, and she giggled to herself as she thought Naughty Ashley.
Finally she finished up, pulled up her panties and shorts, and looked at herself in the mirror, noticing the new choker. She remembered the trouble she had with the clasp, she looked closer at the mirror and turned it on her throat so the clasp was facing forward and studied it... wait, does it open by sliding from side to side? When she applied gentle force in that direction, it unhooked without any trouble at all, and it was suddenly in her hand, not around her neck. She saw it there, and then looked into the mirror, into her eyes. In a instant she thought of John, and the day she met Lucy wearing her collar, and the day she had met zombie Mary. She saw Crazy Ed's fist growing larger in her vision until it took away the whole world away from her. She thought of sweet, innocent Steven... and of disgusting Ron, imagining his cock sliding down her throat, and of the date she had with Steven tomorrow, how they were going to make love and it would fix everything and she would finally be so happy, and she remembered Ashley sliding her tongue into her butt a half hour ago. Suddenly she was crying, tears rolling down her face, hating the little girl in the mirror, not knowing how she could be so callous, so cruel, such a slut, a piece of trash only good for making men cum. John, why did you leave me? She felt despair at what she was, the pain of what she had lost when he left, the slut she had become, on a path she knew she was powerless to turn away from. I hate the collar but I can't take how I feel without it.... Barely able to see through her tears she put the choker back around her neck and managed to somehow affix the clasp, now that she understood it. She felt the comfort of it around her throat, the constriction, telling her everything was all right, throwing up the barrier around her pain, she was fine, everything was fine. With her eyes still closed her crying tapered off, her heart stopped racing. She sniffled one last time and looked into the mirror, face wet with the streaks of tears. She washed her face and dried it, and took a deep breath, she looked at the collar.... and felt.... better.
She grabbed her things and left the family restroom, and with no memory of how she'd gotten there, she found herself in the break room at Janeane's, on her chair, her bags at her feet, Ron's cock in her mouth. No thought at all in her head aside from working that cock with her throat, something she knew she was good at. It was comforting. It gave her worth.
Ron was looking down at her, holding the sides of her head, as he fucked her mouth. Erin was looking up at him, her lips wrapped tightly around his shaft as it slid in and out of her mouth, but she didn't seem to be seeing him.
She was lost in her thoughts. She was in half of a collar-induced daze, but now she was now thinking of Steven, and Ashley, and the lingering taste of vagina on her tongue had her thinking of her Circle friends, and she was thinking she would have to talk to them tonight, let her know that her birthday was going to be the big day, with her first man since John. She'd been sucking Ron for a few minutes and wanted to wrap it up, she grabbed his hips, pulled him down her throat, and bobbed short and fast while she worked her throat muscles along his shaft. She knew he couldn't last long with that, and within 20 seconds she was again swallowing his cum as Ron groaned above her with his eyes closed.
She waited for him to finish twitching, pulled him out of her mouth, and sucked the last little drop of semen coming from his slit, causing him to shudder. She smiled up at him, met his eyes, and said, "Thanks... it's been a really weird day," grabbed her bags, and left without looking back.
With a "Hi Josh, it's your turn, next time!" she left the storeroom and then the store, leaving Josh smiling.
She floated through La Mercada, went back to her apartment and locked the door, and saw she still had a few hours until her Mom got home, her panic attack in the restroom now forgotten behind the lingering taste of semen in her mouth. She dumped her bags out on her bed and began sorting them, matching bras and panties, she loved them all. Now which will I wear for Steven tomorrow, she wondered. She also took her little pack of new chokers, and put them around her pony's legs, the pony that was currently wearing her dog collar, and hiding her vibrators in hidden pockets that John has sewn in. She stripped off her clothes and looked at herself in the mirror, still wearing the purple bra and panties Ashley had helped her put on.... and the black choker. Don't you dare take that off right now she said to herself, without realizing it. She still loved the novelty of it, she had seen so many other girls wearing them so she knew it was fashionable, and she could finally wear what she needed in public without it being obvious. I wonder how many other girls are wearing them for the same reason, so they can be someone else.
She looked at herself in the mirror, she was going to be 13 tomorrow, but with this new bra, actually fitted and sized to her body, she looked much less like the little girl she had seen in the mirror this morning. Yes, she still had small breasts, but she never realized how much she hated that stupid loose white bra. This bra made her look like a woman, almost like Nora. She smiled at herself.
Then she opened her laptop, launched Skype, and put out a message to her friends, "8pm tonight, group video chat, let's talk!" They were all offline because they were at school, but she knew they'd get the message after.
She sent one more message to Steven, also offline... "I just went shopping, I can't wait for you to see what I bought... and for you to take it off of me."
She closed her laptop and grabbed her phone, and texted Ashley, "hey u. 2day was crazy, i hope u liked it as much as i did" She put her phone down and started trying on the other bra and panty sets.
After a few minutes, while looking at herself in a lacy black bra, adjusting the straps to her shoulders the way Ashley had done, and then checking out her butt in a matching g-string, her phone vibrated a response, "hey. so... r u rly 12?"
Erin smirked and answered, "yep. but my bday is tmow, :P"
In the break room at Victoria's Secret, Ashley got confirmation that the girl whose pussy she had eaten two hours ago was 12, and she was conflicted. She herself was 12 the first time her brother, 5 years older than her, had licked her pussy.... and she remembered even that first time that she had loved it, and she still let him do it, sometimes, when one or the other wasn't dating anyone and they needed sexual release. But this was different.... she didn't know this Erin girl at all, really, and what if she was a drama queen and would drop a dime, wanting attention? Ashley saw enough young girls come and go through the strip club to have a firm opinion that bitches be crazy, and she really didn't need to get locked up for molesting a child like her own high school gym teacher had been when he was caught bending her over the pommel horse in the equipment room. She responded back to Erin, "i m not sure how i feel about that."
Erin got the message and bit the corner of her bottom lip, like she'd seen Ashley do in the mirror, and sat on her bed. "r u afraid bcuz of my age? trust me, i can keep a secret. i hope u arnt mad at me"
Ashley saw the message and sat thinking and sipping her Diet Coke, unknowingly biting her bottom lip the same way Erin was at that moment. Finally she answered, "ok we can talk. i work m-th and get off evry day at 6. come down sometime and we'll get a coffee at the food court and talk"
Erin got the message and smiled, and responded, "awsum! i will. btw u tasted rly good and nobody has made me cum like that in a long time"
In spite of her reservations, Ashley smiled at that message. "thx, me2. :P "
Erin smiled and continued trying on underwear, deciding the brown set, for Steven. They looked the best against her fair skin.
+++
Erin's mother Betty got home from the shelter that day at 4pm, just like every other day. She helped out at the shelter through the lunch meal, and she got them prepped for dinner, but that was her limit. Her feet were tired as usual so she filled a glass of wine from the box in the refrigerator, sat down in the comfy chair, and put her feet up while putting on HGTV.... she loved the house hunting shows.
Erin came bouncing in giving her mother a kiss on the cheek, "Hi Mom, how was the shelter?" and sat on the couch.
Betty turned her head to her daughter, still bemused by the kiss on the cheek.... I guess today was a good day. She never knew what mood her daughter would be in when she got home. "You sound a little hoarse, are you getting a cold?"
Erin thought about it, and cleared her throat while remembering the cock that had been stretching it a few hours ago. "Nah, I feel ok. I was just singing in the shower earlier, I guess I over did it."
Betty gave her daughter a long gaze. "Well, the shelter was fine, it was quiet today, just the regulars. No commotions." Commotions was how she thought of the times when a new transient would show up and was expected to empty his pockets... drugs were not allowed in that particular shelter, and the shelter for women and children was three blocks down, and was always fully staffed, no volunteers needed. Sometimes the men that came through were clearly addicted to drugs, or had mental problems. Sometimes she felt scared.... but today was a good day, no commotions, and being there got her a little time to herself out of the apartment, away from her youngest daughter, who sometimes also made her feel scared, any more. Maybe I should make her go back to school.
Erin just nodded, watching the young couple on TV, just starting out, try to decide between this $800,000 home, or that $850,000 home. "Cool. Today was fun, Helga said I might be ready to take the tests for officially graduating 9th grade."
Betty gave Erin a small smile, "Yes, I read her email on my phone. That's so great, I had a feeling you would be a smart one." Lately Betty had been wondering if Erin could move out when she finished high school and/or her GED work, even if she was not yet 18. She felt ashamed of herself for having these feelings, but deep inside, knowing what she now knew, she felt she had failed her daughter, and felt ashamed of herself for not having been there more in her life. Erin's presence was a constant reminder of her failures. "Have you ever thought about college? What do you think you want to do when you graduate?"
Erin looked at her blankly, thinking of herself that far in the future... had just never occurred to her. The last time she gave thought to her future was the one day she knew she was pregnant, thinking about a blissful, long life with John and their babies. "I.... really have no idea, Mom. Should I go to college? I've honestly never thought about it."
"Well sweetie, I meant it when I said how intelligent you are, you would certainly have no trouble. And you'd be able to go wherever you want, we have plenty from..." from your father's life insurance payoff, from when he was murdered saving your life... "Well, we have plenty."
Erin caught the slip, and knew why they had plenty. She looked at her mother a long moment, long enough for Betty to begin to feel uncomfortable... what is she thinking.... I've never been able to tell what is going on in her head....
But then like a switch being flipped, Erin blinked and brightened and said, "Yeah, college might be fun. I'll start thinking about it," and turned back to the television. If Steven wants me to, and if I am not too busy having his babies. Her thoughts were on her birthday tomorrow, as she sat with her mother, waiting until it was time to cook dinner together.
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The dinner dishes were done and Erin took a shower... keeping her black choker on... and masturbated under the water stream one more time thinking about Ashley devouring her earlier that day. She put on her new pink panties and a loose t-shirt and got in bed, opening her laptop, and starting Skype, she was the last one on and caught the ongoing conversation in mid-sentence.
Lucy was speaking. "...so Mary said... Hi Erin!" and the rest of them said "hi!" to her as Skype announced she had joined the group, Erin smiled back at them and waved at the camera, listening. "So Mary said her new family is great, and on the first day there her aunt and uncle sat her down and talked to her, telling her they understood what happened to her, and they would die before letting that ever happen to her again, and they would give her anything she thought she needed. Her uncle said he would even put a lock on her bedroom door, on the inside, if she thought she would feel safer. Can you believe that?" And Nora and Laura gave "awwwws," and "that is so sweet," and Erin could see they were getting a little misty eyed. I wish I had known Mary better, Erin thought.
"It sucks that Mary can only talk when they go into town and she can use the wifi at McDonald's," Nora said, which was news to Erin. She hadn't heard much Mary news at all, since waking up, besides knowing Lucy visited her at the hospital twice a week. She really didn't spend enough time with her friends, but until the collar opened her up, she hadn't been able to figure out how to relate to them, and she felt bad about it.
"Yeah," Lucy answered, "She says the ranch is so remote they don't even get cell signals, much less internet. But she still says she loves it there, they even gave her a horse, and she says she rides it for hours every day! And she says she misses all of us and to say hi to everyone."
Laura responded, "Tell her I said hi, and I'm in Utah if she wants to visit, we're practically neighbors!" and they all laughed.
Erin asked her, "How are things out there? How's your husband?" and they all giggled at that, knowing the truth about it.
Laura finished giggling with them and answered, "Oh it's great, and he's great. He has a private practice out here in our college town, and I am going to a small Mormon college, which is hilarious.... I still can't believe they think I am 19, but no one has ever said a word about it to me. Daddy says my eyes make me look older. I dunno."
"Girlfriend, you'll be hot no matter what your age," Nora said, and they laughed, and nodded.
"But they have a dress code, and single guys and girls always have to be accompanied if they want to date... it's crazy, it's so strict. Since I'm already married they don't watch me... there are actually a lot of married girls here, my 'age....'" and she made air quotes at that word... "well, they watch in a different way, make sure I am not being inappropriate with unattached men," and they all laughed again.
Erin really missed this, just laughing with her friends.
Nora, "Yeah, wouldn't want to be inappropriate. If only they knew," and again laughed.
"How about you, Nora?" Laura asked back. "Still banging your guidance counselor, and track coach?" Nora smiled, "Ha! No, the track coach left the district, he didn't tell me why or say goodbye so who knows. But yes, I'm still riding Jim...." and in an overdone-pouty voice, "sometimes my feewings get sad and I just can't cope and I need to talk to the counselor... so yeah, then I bend over his desk and make him look at a picture of his wife while he grabs my hips and fucks me from behind," and with that they all laughed again. "It's a great break in the middle of the afternoon!" she added between laughs, setting them all off again.
"Well," Lucy said, "It's all well and good for you to all be slutting around," she said with a smirk on her face, "but I am enjoying being a good girl for a change. See my pigtails?" and she turned her head left and right. "That means I am a good girl...." she said with a straight face, so it took them a moment to realize she was being funny. They had gotten together more than once since The Circle broke, and they all considered Lucy the best at oral sex of all of them. Erin didn't know they'd gotten together, of course... it started when she was in the coma, just because they loved each other, and since she woke up, it just seemed like she just wasn't there, with them.... and they couldn't figure out how to include her. They loved her, dearly... but they felt like she was no longer connecting to them like she once had, when she had been trying to save them. They didn't know what to do about it, the oldest of them was only 15.
Erin interjected softly, "I found someone."
The faces in the windows were quiet for a moment, big eyes, just looking at her window on their own screens, but they all started talking at once. "What?" "Who?" "When?" "You did?" Erin dating was a first for them, since then, since The Circle.
Erin smiled broadly at their reaction. "Yes, his name is Steven, and he's amazing."
And again, they all spoke at once, "Who is he?" "How did you meet?" "Tell us about him!"
Erin laughed out loud, crossed her legs, and hugged a pillow to her chest. "Well, he has to be about 6'2, he's soooo tall. Blue eyes, dark blonde hair, and he is thin, but not skinny, he has a great butt, his arms are really muscular and his chest looks good, he lifts weights..." and they all giggled at that.
"Have you fucked him yet?" Nora asked, always the most forward of the group.
Erin felt shy, hoping they couldn't see her blush on the camera. "No.... but.... tomorrow..."
Lucy smiled, "Your birthday, how perfect."
And again they all spoke at once, asking questions. Erin just smiled and tried to hear them all, but was in her own thoughts. They are ok with it, why was I worried?
She heard Laura's voice over all of them, "Where are you going to do it? In your place while your mom is out?" so Erin started with that question.
"At his place, he is putting his daughter in daycare so we can be alone." It was at that exact moment Erin realized she hadn't mentioned he was a father.
They were all quiet again. "His daughter?" Lucy asked quietly.
Erin suddenly felt on unsafe ground... "Yeah.... he's... married and has a 4 year old daughter named Sarah. She's really cute." Erin waited. The pictures on her screen looked at the other pictures on their screens, no one knew what to say, or who should say it.
It was Lucy, who had become their unofficial leader since she had found Erin, that day. "Be careful sweetie... he sounds great but you know how it can be when we keep secrets like that."
And with that, striking right at the heart of it, Erin was suddenly frightened, suddenly sure she was making a mistake, in spite of the choker around her neck, insulating her from the consequences of everything she did. "No... he..." Erin stammered at her friends, who waited quietly for her to speak. "He is great... and he says his marriage hasn't been good in a long time, and I am the only one he has ever cheated with.... and he says he really cares about me. I can be myself with him and I am so happy."
When she was sure Erin was finished, Lucy asked, "Does he know you're turning 13 tomorrow?"
And Erin didn't know what to say, and she felt tears in her eyes.
Laura was silent, but thought to herself, she lied to him, and he believes it because we look older... it's our eyes. Poor Erin...
"No I didn't tell him my age but only because I didn't want it to complicate things... I..." and Erin felt the tears fall down her cheeks... "He would be ok with it though, but... because he...." but Erin was being confronted with a reality the choker couldn't explain away, she lied to him because she knew it would be a problem, and she didn't care, she wanted him to save her. From what? And that knowledge made her question how good and wonderful her relationship with Steven actually was... and that was too much. She was beginning to have trouble breathing. Gasping, "I have to go. I have to go." And she closed the laptop.
++++
They all got the message, "ErinJB has left the chat" at the same time, and they all felt bad.
"That could have gone better," Nora said.
"Were we mean?" Laura asked, sounding upset.
"No... well maybe... should we have been more supportive? I don't know why I was automatically worried about her... we all have our own lives and relationships." Lucy said.
"This is Erin's first relationship after John, and The Circle, right? I mean, has she ever been with someone else on her own, just because she wanted to?" Nora asked.
Lucy responded, "She had those friends she went to school with, but Erin mentioned to me they weren't allowed to be friends any more, she didn't know why. She hinted she had been sleeping with them."
"Girl-friends?" Nora asked.
"Yeah, girls," Lucy answered, and Nora nodded at her in her window.
Laura was processing it, and spoke slowly, as she was forming the thought, "So... really... the only man she has ever had.... the love of her life... was John, and they had to be secret... and that secret almost killed her, literally. And now she has this married guy, and it has to be secret."
And all at once the others got it, and responded all at once, "Yeah," "That's it," nodding.
"Poor Erin," Nora said.
"We should do something... I wish I was there," Laura said, sadly.
Lucy smiled at Laura, "Don't worry honey, we understand. But I think... Nora, do you want to get with Erin, soon? Like maybe this weekend, have a sleepover? We should have been trying harder with her. Let's get together and get her talking... and besides..." Lucy hesitated...
"You miss her, right?" Nora asked.
"Yeah," Lucy said, a tear rolling down her cheek.
"I do too. This weekend sounds great... tomorrow is Wednesday, her birthday. Let's make plans for Saturday night, you guys can come here, or we go there, or whatever. We won't have much privacy here, though. Todd and Diane are great, but they don't believe in their kids having sex under their roof," and she giggled.
Lucy said, "Well, we could come here... but my Mom... I know she would be concerned, if... I mean, she is great with us being friends, she has zero problem with that... but I've had a lot of therapy, and she hasn't, and I don't think she likes the thought of me having sex..."
They all rolled their eyes, acting put-upon, but secretly happy that they now, finally, had people who cared about them.
"Well I'd be more than happy to have you all come over here, Daddy wouldn't mind at all," Laura said, and they all laughed.
"Love you, Laura," Nora smiled at her.
"Love you more," Laura smiled back.
Lucy asked, "Well.... how bout I message Erin.... get her talking... I hope she isn't too mad... and we'll play it by ear. Just see how it goes. Cool?"
"Cool," and "Cool," and Laura, "Keep me informed, and let me know if I can do anything to help with Erin. And give her my love, please."
Lucy, "We will. We'll talk soon. Don't be inappropriate with any boys at college."
With that the others laughed, said their goodbyes and love-you's, and signed off the chat.
When they all signed off, Lucy wrote a message to Erin, I hope she checks messages soon... "Hey, I am so sorry, we didn't mean to upset you. We all love you so much... you're really important to us! and we want what is best for you. We thought we might all get together this weekend, have a sleepover, celebrate your birthday. Please say you can! Have a wonderful time with him tomorrow, I hope it is as amazing as you hope. And we'll want to hear every detail!!! Please write soon. xoxo Lucy"
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Erin closed her laptop and put it to the side, fell over on her bed and tried to catch her breath, she didn't know why she was so upset, but her heart was racing and she was crying and could barely breathe. She could feel the choker around her neck but it was failing her... Lucy's words were stronger than the power the false collar had over her. She was feeling. She wrapped her hands around her throat and squeezed... not quite hard enough to constrict her air flow, but enough that she felt her blood rushing in her ears. She didn't know why but it was helping... slowly... her heart slowed down... she was able to catch her breath... and she slowly relaxed her hands from her throat, and finally let them fall to her sides. Tomorrow I am going to be with Steven, and we will make love over and over, and my life will be better, finally. Fine, he doesn't know my real age... but I think he loves me too, he all but said it the other night, and my age won't matter. I'll tell him soon, and then I will have no more secrets... well, except for.... well, in time. She laid quietly for a while, and then felt bad for hanging up on her friends. Calm, now, she opened her laptop back up, and launched Skype, and frowned that they were all already signed off... but then she received Lucy's message, and smiled. A sleepover sounded wonderful. "I really feel like I could use that, count me in. I love you guys so much, too. ~Erin"
Erin put her laptop aside, and crawled under the covers. She thought about what tomorrow was going to bring and immediately put her hand between her young thighs... but she was dry and just not in the mood... she was thinking that's weird, I always play with myself before I fall asleep... and then she fell asleep, physically and emotionally exhausted.
It had been a weird day.
Copyright 2016: "Marissa Banks." Rights reserved. Not for reuse without express written consent of the author. All content is purely fictional; any similarities to actual persons or events is pure coincidence. Reader must be of legal age in the judicial area he/she resides. Reproductions of the fiction contained herein or linked from here may not be used in whole or in part without express permission from the author.