Chapter 5 ~ ff
Steven arrived back at his condo from La Mercada in a daze, thinking of Erin, the cute blonde woman he'd met there. He had taken his daughter to the public restrooms downstairs in the plaza fearing she wouldn't make it to their apartment, but now he got her settled and in her room playing with her ponies, and he started the housework that had to be done within the two hours before his wife got home from work.... whoa, only two hours, I really did lose track of time down there, talking with her. As he did the morning and lunch dishes and started some laundry, his thoughts were of Erin, her beautiful eyes, that amazing hair, and her cute, petite little body. He couldn't ever remember meeting a woman so petite. He'd have to ask her next time if the other women in her family were as tiny as her. Next time? I'm already thinking of next time.... and his thoughts immediately turned to his wife, and he wondered if he was going to finally have that affair he'd contemplated for so long. But he didn't want to think about his wife right now, he wanted to think about Erin... we don't usually go down there two days in a row, but she didn't say when she'd be there next... maybe Sarah would like to play again tomorrow...
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After she arrived home from school Lucy dropped her book bag, made sure her mother was doing ok, and said, "I'll be going in a few minutes to go see Mary, I don't have any homework. I'll probably just eat there with her." It was Tuesday, Mary was now allowed visitors on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Her mom was in their sun room reading a book. She let her daughter kiss her on the cheek and smiled, said, "Give Mary my love," and smiled as Lucy used the Uber app on her phone for a ride. While Lucy waited for the car she and her mom chatted about their day, her mother said she'd walked to the park and enjoyed the sunshine, and actually made it to the far side of the lake, and back. She didn't get fatigued as easily as she did when she was first released from the clinic for her forced drug addiction, and Lucy hugged her, "That's great, mom." Again, for a fleeting instant, Lucy remembered that her monster of a grandfather was gone, and every day since then had been the best day ever.
But soon there was a honk from outside, and Lucy hugged her mother and left hearing, "Don't be out too late, school night!" as she walked out the door, smiling, feeling the sun on her face, and freedom. Lucy just smirked, she hadn't missed a day of school since she started earlier this year. She loved going to school.
It was outside of the city but the ride only took 15 minutes and Lucy settled the bill. They had plenty these days from the liquidation of her grandfather's assets, and Lucy walked up the wide steps into the clinic. As hard and cold as the building felt on the outside, Lucy was always comforted walking inside, it was soft and warm and just made her feel pleasant in general. Googling about psychological rehabilitation clinics to learn more about Mary's circumstances she learned they used to be called "insane asylums," and some of them were really horrible places... but she was glad Mary was here, in this one. Mary also had plenty of money available for her care from the liquidation of her uncle's assets.
The desk staff knew Lucy by sight, and greeted her warmly and pulled out the visitor pass they kept aside just for her. "Mary is doing well today," the man at the desk told her as she signed in. "She was asking when you'd be coming tonight." Lucy smiled, Mary was more and more responsive these days, and sometimes they even held hands as they chatted for hours on visitor day. Lucy was the only person Mary allowed to touch her aside from her one favorite blonde nurse who combed her hair for her. "Oh, Miss Lucy, Doctor Marcus was also hoping to talk to you for a moment, if you don't mind."
Lucy liked Doctor Marcus, Lucy could tell she genuinely cared for Mary. "Of course," she responded, with a smile.
The man at the desk pushed a hidden button under the desk, and Lucy heard a click from the heavy door to her left... they let her in.
Lucy passed through the heavy door and though the patients were kept in the wing to the right, Lucy turned left to Dr. Marcus's office. The door was open and she saw the doctor at her desk, on the phone. Lucy looked at this woman, with her white lab coat, glasses, and brown hair always done up and neat. Lucy thought she was very pretty. Lucy rapped lightly on the doorframe and smiled at the doctor, who looked up at her, gave her a brief smile, and silently waved her in and offered for her to sit down while she finished her phone call. Lucy accepted the invitation and sat while listening to her side of the conversation. "Yes, yes, and I want to start weaning him off the thorazine, see what it does to his dopa levels.... uh huh. Uh huh. Exactly right. Start that program immediately, and I will put the order in an email so you have written confirmation. Very well. Thank you." and then she hung up.
The doctor looked across the desk, "Lucy, so glad you're here. I wonder if I could have a moment before you visit Mary."
Lucy smiled, "Of course. Is something wrong?"
The doctor sat back in her chair and exhaled. "Not at all. Actually, things with Mary seem to be going well. She has been off her meds for a week now, and she hasn't had any episodes. In fact, she hasn't lashed out for three weeks, which is why I took her off her meds in the first place."
"I'm glad to hear that," Lucy answered.
"So I am actually beginning to consider whether or not she is ready to be released. I've spoken with her court appointed guardian, he says they've found family in Texas willing to take her in, and he visited with them, and they seem like a loving family with a nice home. But what do you think? You are her closest friend. Do you think she's ready to be out in the world?"
Lucy was happy, but she frowned... Texas? That's so far away. Her eyes teared up, and Dr. Marcus noticed.
"What is it?" she asked, starting to get up.
Lucy held up her hand and wiped the tear off her cheek. "Yeah, I think she's ready, but Texas? I'd never see her..." and then she couldn't stop another tear.
Now the doctor came around the desk and sat in the seat beside her, and hugged her. "I know you'll miss her," comforting her. "But we have to think about what is best for Mary, right? After what happened to her... to you both... she really needs to security of being surrounded by family, don't you think?"
Lucy, with her head on the doctor's shoulder, "Being with family didn't work out too well for her last time." And then she considered, "Are you sure they are ok? Safe?"
The doctor thought Lucy had a good point, and considered. She pulled out of the hug, took a tissue, and wiped up Lucy's face, "Now you can't be all messy when you see Mary.... yes, I will vet these people myself. You're right, usually 'family' is almost always the way to go, but in Mary's case, we'd need to be sure. So I will make sure, ok?" looking into Lucy's eyes.
Lucy smiled, and surely through habit, nodded and gave Dr. Marcus a quick kiss on her lips.
Linda Marcus's face betrayed surprise for a moment, and instantly she mentally went through all she knew of Lucy and her traumatic experience, and smiled back at her, showing teeth this time. The kiss really was quite sweet.... but she got up from her seat beside Lucy and returned behind her desk. "So what I had in mind was to get your permission to listen in on your visit with Mary, today. Feel free to tell her we are listening. In fact, be sure to tell her. I don't want anyone to think we are being devious or anything. I'd just like to listen in, hear how she responds to and interacts with you. She already knows I think she is making great progress and will not need to be here forever. No secrets, full honesty. Ok?"
Lucy considered. So they want to listen in... will Mary be honest with things if she knows that? It isn't like we talk about anything secret, though. The sex never comes up, we just talk about girl stuff.... "Well, ok. If you think it is important."
Linda smiled, "I do. Want to get started? I've already kept you too long, I know Mary looks forward to your visits."
"Do you want me to wear a microphone or something?"
Linda answered, "No, all of these rooms are wired with microphones. We can just turn them on in your usual corner while you chat, and listen in. Ok?"
"Ok," Lucy smiled, still a little concerned about this. She always felt this time with Mary was important for both of them, with Mary still traumatized, and their shared experiences in The Circle. They'd been forced to be intimate with each other more times than Lucy could remember, and Mary didn't seem to ever want to talk about that.... maybe it is time we did, if Mary is going to be away from this place. It happened, and maybe we need to make sure she is dealing with it. Maybe I need to know she can, so I wont be so scared for her.
Linda stood to indicate the conversation was over and time to move on, Lucy took the hint and stood as well, and Linda smiled as she said, "Just be your usual self with her. Talk about whatever you always talk about. Be natural, try to forget I am there. I just want to observe."
"Ok," Lucy said, and left for the patient's wing, but Lucy was already thinking about how she was going to broach the subject of their shared experiences in The Circle.
Lucy was buzzed into the common area as she approached the desk, the clerk there also already knew her and liked how well Mary responded to her, so Lucy walked right in and looked to the corner by the window with the two big, soft stuffed chairs where she and Mary always visited with each other, and saw Mary catch her eye and smile.
"You're late!" Mary smiled, standing as Lucy approached. As they embraced she continued, "they told me you were here like 10 minutes ago, what took you so long?"
Lucy hugged her back, and said to her cheek, "Doctor Marcus wanted to chat... she thinks you're doing good and she asked if she could listen in on us today.... is that ok?" and she pulled back to look at Mary's face. Her face was unreadable.... she'd had too much experience hiding her emotions for Lucy to be able to read her.
Mary was silent for a moment, and finally answered slowly, "I guess that would be ok," as if still trying to decide. "Are we supposed to talk about anything in particular? Do they have you analyzing me?"
Lucy thought she may have heard a slight twinge of annoyance in that question. "No, they said talk about what we always talk about.... but I would actually like to talk about something different, today."
In the elevated room behind the mirror overlooking the common area, Doctor Linda Marcus raised an eyebrow.
The girls sat in their chairs, facing each other.
"What do you want to talk about?" Mary asked.
Lucy leaned back in her chair, now or never, she thought... "Doctor Marcus said you are getting better, and might be able to leave, soon. What do you think of that?"
Mary also sat back, and her gaze turned to the garden outside of the window. A hummingbird flitted at a feeder hanging in a flowering bush. "Yeah, I've talked with her about that in session. They say they found some of my family in Texas."
Lucy watched silently, listening.
"I told her I'd never met them, and she said she'd learned that's because they didn't get along with my.... Him... and they were never welcome to visit, so we never met."
"Do they know what happened to you?"
"I assume they do."
Lucy was silent, thinking. "What do you think? Would you want to go?"
Now Mary was silent for a moment, but looked back at Lucy, "Well yes and no... I feel safe here, but this isn't really a home, is it. I wonder what it is like to just be normal, sometimes."
In the booth, Dr. Marcus nodded slightly, that is a good thing for her to wonder... she wants to get past her trauma.
Lucy nodded, and then dropped the bomb. "We never talk about what happened to us."
Mary's eyes turned from the garden and looked at her suddenly, and Lucy saw actual fear that Mary wasn't able to hide, and she immediately regretted what she had said. But... but I have to know she can handle it....
"We never talked together about what we've been through. You never told me what he did to you when no one was there."
In the booth, Linda Marcus suddenly stood up, eyes large. Whenever she touched on this subject had always been the point when Mary either went catatonic, or went into hysterics.... she had decided months ago that the memories were just too painful for the young girl, and they'd have to be addressed in her own time, when she was ready.... but now here was Lucy forcing the issue.
Mary looked at her best friend in the world, the only person she trusted, with growing tears in her eyes... "Why?" she asked in a small, heartbreaking voice. "Why are you asking me about that?"
Lucy's heart was breaking, and she was feeling her own tears. She leaned in closer, took Mary's balled-up hands in hers. "Mary, I love you. And if you are going to move far away from me, I need to know you are ok... that... you can handle what happened to us."
Mary just stared at her, lip quivering, tears beginning to run down her cheeks. In the booth Dr. Marcus had a phone in her hand to the desk clerk, about to give the order to intervene and try to keep Mary from hurting herself, or Lucy.... but waiting.... waiting....
And suddenly Mary was hugging Lucy so tight and Lucy was surprised by her strength, and the fact Mary was crying her eyes out, bawling with a ferocity that surprised everyone in the room. "It was so hard..." she cried to her only friend in the world, the only person she truly trusted. "He rrrrr..... raped me so many times I can't remember anything else that happened before... my whole life he has been raping me... he still does, every night when I sleep... " between the wrenching sobs. Lucy held her back, squeezed hard, eyes closed, heart breaking, tears running down her own cheeks.
Dr. Marcus fell back in her seat, watching this breakthrough, flummoxed. "Clear the rest of the room, give them privacy," she said into the phone to man at the desk, and immediately 3 orderlies came in and silently cleared the other 4 patients from the common area.
Lucy held her as the dam broke, and it came spilling out. "Every day... every night.... and it always hurt so bad... I had to turn it off... turn everything off... and the other men..."
Mary was wracked with sobs now, she was having trouble getting a breath... and Lucy couldn't make some things out, but she knew not to speak, not to interrupt. "And my sister... I remember her... he raped her to death... she... jumped from the high window, to get away..." and more wrenching sobs. And always Mary came back to the Pain, the Pain she lived with for so long, forever, her entire life. "I was nothing to him.... nothing... he never even cared for me, never loved me, only.... " and again, crying. And then she was talking about her parents, her mother and father, giving her to Him. Not caring. Never telling her there was a reason, or that it would be ok.
Dr. Marcus was stunned beyond thought. She listened to Mary's breakthrough, feeling impotent that she herself, who was once a $300 per hour therapist, had never been able to get the poor girl to this catharsis, but happy for her finally getting here with the help of her friend. She sat back and listened, eyes wide.
Lucy held her for what felt like hours, though it couldn't have been. She listened to Mary cry and talk, spilling everything that she'd kept inside, finally feeling the pain she hadn't allowed herself to feel the hundreds of times her uncle had brutally raped her, used her, made her into the empty husk she had nearly become. Finally she had no more tears, and the girls sat together in one chair, both of them needing to feel the closeness of each other. Mary was lying against Lucy's shoulder, Lucy had her arm around her, holding her and caressing her hair. Lucy noticed the shadows outside in the garden, and knew it had to be past visiting hours, but no one had come for them.... Dr. Marcus made sure of that, and even called Lucy's mother and made sure she knew where her daughter was, and what was happening. Dr. Marcus smiled as her mother immediately said on the phone, "Let her stay as long as Mary needs her. Call me if she needs anything from home."
They were still, just with each other, but there was one more thing Lucy needed to talk about. "We never talk about us. How we were together, sometimes."
Mary was still for a moment, her head against Lucy's shoulder. "What about it," she asked softly, her voice a little raw.
"I... we..." Lucy wasn't sure what she wanted to say, much less how to proceed. "You know I am friends with Laura and Nora and Erin... we all feel that the only good thing about what we went through were the times when we were able to be with each other, finding each other."
"Oh, that." Mary said simply.
Lucy wasn't sure what she meant by that. "I mean, I don't even remember how many times you and I were together, but... I mean... I always cared for you, worried for you when I was able to think.... after, when he took my collar off. I always hoped you were ok. I always... liked... being with you, as often as I was allowed to feel that way... I don't know how to say this..." Lucy was a little flustered.
"27," Mary said simply.
"What?" Lucy asked.
"We were together 27 times. You said you didn't remember. And I was with Nora 21 times, and Laura 17 times. I met the nice blonde girl once but then... He... hurt her, so we were not really together, and I never saw her again."
Lucy looked down at the top of her head, eyes wide. Dr. Marcus had the same expression on her face, in the booth. "You remember exactly how many times you were with us all?"
"Of course I do," Mary said quietly. "Being with you was the only happiness I've ever known. I remember every moment all of us had together."
And then they were crying, again, and even Dr. Linda Marcus couldn't hold back her silent tears, in the hidden booth.
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Dr. Marcus made another phone call to Lucy's mother to explain what was happening, and Lucy stayed with Mary that night. Dr. Marcus had a pair of pajamas waiting for her in Mary's room with a toothbrush wrapped in cellophane, and the girls slept together in Mary's bed holding each other. Dr. Marcus had the camera in Mary's room activated and she stayed all night monitoring, sipping hot tea, stunned at Mary's breakthrough, and already mentally writing the paper she knew was going to be a pretty big deal in the psychiatric field. Maybe even a book, she thought to herself... but she didn't let her mind wander. Tonight was about Mary, making sure she came through this ok. At a little past 2am she saw Mary... all of her pain brought up so close to the surface... thrashing in bed, and it woke up Lucy. Lucy held her still, and caressed her hair, and the sensitive microphones could pick up her soft voice, "It's ok... it's just a dream.... you're ok, I'm here.... he's gone, he can't ever hurt you again... he's gone forever..." and soon Mary was still, and Dr. Marcus watched the broken, but now finally healing... young girl curl up tight against her friend, and be still.
Another tear rolled down Dr. Marcus's cheek.
Copyright 2016: "Marissa Banks." Rights reserved. Not for reuse without express written consent of the author. All content is purely fictional; any similarities to actual persons or events is pure coincidence. Reader must be of legal age in the judicial area he/she resides. Reproductions of the fiction contained herein or linked from here may not be used in whole or in part without express permission from the author.