Chapter 42 ~ Fff
The flight crew from Florida to Texas sensed Erin wanted to be left alone, so the blonde woman sat on her seat with her head resting against the bulkhead as she stared out the window. She wondered about her mother, if she should be kept in Florida, or brought out to the ranch, or what. That was a big question mark. She thought about Dr. Marcus, astounded that Erin had gotten through to Marnie. She suggested Erin might make a wonderful child therapist, and something about that idea really clicked inside of Erin. She'd never given any real thought about her future except for when she was planning on living her life as the property of a man. And Erin thought about herself, finally awake. She had been perfectly asleep, and now she was perfectly aware. She was seeing certain things very clearly now, things that used to be much more hazy. Things like sex, and boys. Things like James. They hadn't yet had the talk she'd asked him for.
The helicopter landed on the pad and Erin disembarked, all her friends waiting for her. Erin was glad they'd get a few more days together before everyone went back home to their lives. There were hugs and smiles and Erin said she'd tell them everything, but first she wanted to talk to James, if he had a minute.
He did.
He followed her to the stables, Erin liked it here almost as much as Mary did.
"James," she said as she turned to him, he almost bumped into her. She gave him a small smile.
"Hi," he said lamely, and blushed. He didn't understand why he felt so awkward around Erin... he was never like that around other women. Maybe it's because I actually want her to like me.
"James," Erin started again... "I think I know how you feel about me. You've never said anything inappropriate to me.... I remember everything. But I know how you look at me."
"How is that?" he asked.
"Like you love me. Do you?"
"I...." he stammered. "I... I don't know. I don't know what this is. From the first second I saw you I've just felt lost. When I can't see you I feel fine, but then you come around and my heart starts racing and I get tongue tied. I... I have to just tell you my old dumb stories, not look at you, not see how beautiful you are.... then I can be more myself. If I see you, I fall apart." He finally looked at her with that last bit, and Erin saw him blushing.
"James," she said looking up at him. "Thank you for seeing me that way. I am not sure if I agree, but I like that you see me that way." She reached out and took his hands in hers. "But..."
James frowned. But...
"I need time to be me for a while," Erin tried to explain. "My whole life I've bounced from one insane relationship to another. I need time to... just figure out who I am. As me. Not as John's little girl, or Steven's mistress. Or some easy slut down at the porn shop."
Jimmy's eyes went wide at the last part.
"There is a lot you don't know about me," Erin told him. "I did things you might not like, when I was drowning."
"None of that matters," Jimmy told her. "I don't care about your past, I only care about you now."
She squeezed his hands. "You're sweet, James." She thought a moment. "And I know sweet is what I need now. I can't promise you anything... but if you can wait for me... for me to be ready..." and now Erin was getting flustered. "See, I don't even know what I want to say... this is what I mean by needing time. My next relationship has to be because I am ready, not because I am reaching for someone to help me feel like I'm not worthless."
"You're not worthless. You're everything. I'll wait as long as you need me to," Jimmy told her, in little more than a whisper.
Erin looked at the floor, "James, no.... that isn't fair to you. I can't ask you to wait for me forever."
"Erin," he said to the top of her head, "Can I just be open for a second?"
She looked up into his eyes, "Always."
"You're right, I fell in love with you the second I saw you. I know that doesn't make sense, but it's true. I'm yours, and if I have to wait, I wait. It isn't a choice I have to make, it's just how it is with me, now. I'm yours forever."
Erin looked up at him, into his eyes. She felt... she felt. "You know," she said softly. "It would be terrible if you waited for me for so long, and then when we finally kissed we learned we had no chemistry. Maybe..." and she trailed off.
"Maybe we should make sure, first?" Jimmy answered.
Erin smiled.
Jimmy leaned down, and Erin closed her eyes. She stood up on her tiptoes into his kiss as it lingered, and for just a moment she decided that maybe they didn't have to wait, and she started to move herself against him... but Jimmy, truly in love with her, knew his Erin needed him to be strong for her, now. He knew she was having a moment of weakness. He broke the kiss, moved a small step away from her amazing body, and with his hands on her shoulders made sure there was some daylight between them.
"Erin... honey..." he whispered.
"James," she answered, giving him a small smile as she looked up at him through her eyelashes.
"I, ummm," Jimmy tried to think, but there was so much going on in his head right now, and there was very little blood flowing to his brain. "The friends of yours... waiting for you. Go say hi. I have to go and, umm. Things. Bunk house." He quickly leaned forward and kissed her cheek, then turned and left. Quickly.
Erin smiled as she watched him leave. Yeah, chemistry is no problem.... and she appreciated what he had just done for her by leaving. He really is perfect.
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Their friends left on a Sunday leaving hugs and tears and an advanced plan to all visit again after Laura's next baby when she would need a break. Nora joked she was looking forward to breastfeeding again, but gave Laura a look that said that wasn't a joke. Laura blushed, but gave Nora a naughty smile.
Hugs and kisses all around, especially for Erin, and they were looking forward to having her back on Skype.
Mary and Sam spent their first real week running the ranch together, and the hands were happy that Junior's daughters were in charge and had a handle on it, and things were running smoothly.
They were too busy figuring out the routine without Junior to take a day off the first weekend, but the next weekend came and the girls made the effort to be able to break away for the night. Saturday afternoon Mary, Sam, and Erin rode out to the spring. Erin had been thinking about James a lot since their talk, and kiss, and frankly was looking forward to the cold spring water on her skin to cool her off. She had not yet begun to explore her sexuality since the compound... and what had happened at the college. She remembered she used to enjoy it, but she was still a little afraid.
After the ride the horses were unpacked and they were setting up camp when they heard the engine out on the river. This wasn't uncommon... once a month or so some fishermen would go by, and sometimes it was a border patrol craft. This time it was the latter.
But this time the boat didn't go by, the person driving it saw them on the shore and angled in. The man beached the boat just upstream of the rocks holding in the spring water from the river. He had on a border patrol uniform and a ball cap, but Mary and Sam were wary since the last time a strange man had found them out here. Mary looked, Erin had gone up the ravine a ways to pee at their Big Pee Bush where there were guaranteed no rocks to hide rattlesnakes or tarantulas. They both quietly took the six-shooters Junior had given them from their packs and held them behind their backs as the man approached with his eyes down and hidden under his ball cap.
The man approached the camp, stopped about 15 feet away from the women. He raised his face from the ground. "Hello, Mary," John said.
Sam figured this must be someone Mary had met after the Coyotes incident, her guard dropped a little. But then Sam saw Mary's face... complete shock.
"Officer..." Mary whispered. She suddenly felt her collar around her throat.
"I know you probably never expected to see me again," John began to say, so easily thinking of Mary as the broken girl he'd once shared sexually with her uncle. "But I learned you were here after..." he never finished that sentence. Suddenly Mary was holding a very large gun and was pointing it at his chest.
He raised his hands, "Mary.... I'm not here to hurt you, I swear."
"You will never hurt me again," Mary said to him softly.
Sam was watching this all in shock, she didn't aim at the man, but she made her own gun visible to him. "Mary, what's going on? Who is this?
Jesus Christ, he thought. They're going to kill me.
"Mary, please, let me explain, I swear I'm not here to hurt you" John said to her.
Mary pulled the hammer back on the gun, and raised it up to his face. Junior had taught her to never draw on a person she didn't have every intention of killing. Mary intended to kill. "Hurt me? Fuck you, John," she said with fierce derision. "I don't care if Erin loved you, you raped me every chance you had." Tears were beginning to fall down her face.
Sam looked on, just continuously shocked. Too soft for Mary to hear, she said, "This is him? Erin's John? From The Circle?" She looked at Mary, she knew her Mary was about to kill him. She was conflicted about that. He deserved it.
"Mary, STOP," another voice suddenly rang out, and John looked to his left. He couldn't believe it.... it was his Erin, coming down the ravine.
"Erin," Mary cried, "I have to. He hurt us both so bad." Mary's gun was beginning to shake.
Erin's eyes were glued to John as she walked to Mary, his eyes glued back on hers. Erin put her hand on Mary's arm, made her lower the gun, slowly. "I can't ask you to do this for me. I can't let you become a killer for me. It will change you, and I don't want you to change, not ever."
Mary looked at Erin with tears in her eyes.
"Let me talk to him for a minute," Erin said to her friend. "Then we can decide what to do with him."
Mary nodded.
Erin looked at John.... still stunned to be seeing him again, her heart was racing. She walked back up the ravine without a word.
John looked at Mary, then over at Sam, then at Mary again.... and he gave Mary plenty of space and followed Erin. Even through his fear of being shot he had a moment to appreciate Erin's amazing ass in her jeans as she walked up the sandy trail. He had fantasized about that ass... he remembered being inside it... for so long he began to get erect in his pants.
At the top of the ravine Erin turned, saw him looking at her body. She felt a traitorous shiver, for so long she wished he had been looking at her body again... taking her like he used to.... fucking her like he used to when she was small... her instinct was to be angry but her body betrayed her. She crossed her arms over her chest, she felt her nipples were hardening. "What do you want, John."
John looked up at her eyes. Mia and Rosalita girls at home, and his son, forgotten. He'd missed Erin so much, and now here she was talking to him... it seemed like an impossible dream. "Erin.... I looked for you for so long... I never meant to lose touch.... I was going to come for you. But after I left you just disappeared."
Erin looked at him, his words were like a punch in her gut. This was exactly what she longed to hear for so many years. She used to miss him so much she physically ached. "I was in a coma, John. The day you left Crazy Ed attacked me and killed my father. My father killed him before he could kill me."
John just stared at her, and blinked. She'd said so much... he processed it for a moment. "That's how that son of a bitch died? The media just said, died suddenly. I could never find any information."
"You weren't there for me, John," Erin said with a chill in her voice. "I needed you that day, and you weren't there. I needed you when I woke up, and you weren't there. I did so many stupid things trying to fill the hole you left in my life when you left me. You left me and you never came back."
Her anger hurt him. "Erin... I'm here now. I tried finding you for so long. But now we can be together. Come with me, we don't have to hide any more. I always loved you, Erin. Please, come be with me."
Erin felt dizzy. Everything she had always wanted her whole life was just offered to her, begging her to take it. She remembered all the nights they made love in her bed when he'd sneak in the window. All the mornings they fucked quickly before the school bus picked her up. All her cries of pleasure as he filled her, cumming inside her. She remembered getting pregnant at 10, the baby they almost had together. How she was so happy, but he'd been talking to her about how risky a pregnancy at her age would be, right before she'd started cramping. That made her think of the abortion of Steven's baby they'd taken from her in the compound.
And that made a connection in her mind.
She opened her eyes, she hadn't realized she'd closed them. "John.... do you remember our baby?"
He blinked at the sudden subject change. "Of course I do. We can have so many more, now. Please have my babies, my Erin..." his eyes were watering.
"I have to ask you, and be honest. Just be honest with this one thing. Did I lose the baby, or did you do something?" Erin asked calmly.
He looked at her. His first instinct was to lie, but right now, having finally found her, he was feeling so open with her, so raw. He never wanted to deceive her again, and he didn't want to start their new life together with a lie. "Erin... you were so young. Even if there weren't any problems there would be tests, and they would find out I was the father. They wouldn't have let us be together."
Tears began to flow down her face. "You let me think I lost the baby myself. You never told me."
"Erin, I'm so sorry. But please, let me make it up to you."
"Do you know how that made me feel?!" Erin screamed at him. "I was in love with you, John! We were having a baby together! My life was perfect! I was so happy with you.... I would have followed you anywhere, forever. Forever, John." She looked at him steadily with her tear-streaked face. Softly, "And you left me when I needed you most."
Tears began to fall down his face. He knew he was losing her, maybe had already lost her.
"My life was so terrible for so long after you left me. I knew I had no value when the person I loved the most could throw me away. One thing led to another and led to another and then Mary was saving me from killing myself."
John looked at her, crying silent tears.
"And now here I am getting my life back, finally, after the train wreck you caused. And here you come back telling me you love me."
"I do love you, Erin. Please let me show you."
"John," Erin took a deep breath and closed her eyes, collecting herself. "Part of me will always love you. I think you made sure of that by taking me so young."
"Erin if you can love me then..."
But she cut him off. "It's too late. Go back to wherever you came from. I am not yours any more. I am not that little girl. I am my own woman now and I will never live under your shadow again. Not ever. So go. Go away and never come back here. If you do, I will tell the world who you are." She turned her back on him, and it was the hardest thing she'd ever done in her life. Even now Erin knew... she knew... if he came to her, took her in his arms, she would go with him. She knew she would lose herself forever. She prayed he wouldn't come to her. She prayed he would.
John looked at her back, feeling like a man who had a winning lottery ticket and then lost it to a gust of wind. He knew the price of what he'd just lost was so much more than money, he had lost his heart and he had also betrayed the two girls he had at home. He looked at Erin one last time, turned, and walked back down toward the river.
He saw Mary off to the side next to the horses, whispering at them. The other girl was closer to the water. He passed them both without a word and was almost to the waterline when the other girl said, "You, wait."
He looked at her, and she had her gun pointed at his face. He raised his hands, realizing he was still in trouble.
"You hurt my Mary. You were one of them from when she was little."
"You're Samantha, right?" John asked, trying to think about what to do about this
"Do you know she used to scream, when she was first rescued from her uncle? She would scream all night, having nightmares about him, and about you." Sam's voice was shaky, fighting back her tears. She took a step toward him.
"You helped him destroy her. You could have stopped it at any time by turning him in. Oh she said you were the nice one, but being nice doesn't un-rape her, does it." Sam was getting angry, she held her gun steady between his eyes. "I've done everything I could to make Mary happy, to help her forget what you did to her. Maybe this is the final gift I can give her." She pulled the hammer on the gun.
John made a decision. The pain Erin's rejection had inflicted upon him had cut him too deeply, having the mirror being held in front of his face at what he'd really done to Mary was the killing blow. John closed his eyes. "Do it, I deserve it." He decided his last thoughts would be of Mia, and the son they had together.
Sam began to pull the trigger.
++++
"Sam," he heard Mary say. He opened one eye, Mary was standing there next to the woman. He watched Mary put her hand on Sam's arm, and made her lower the gun. "She was right, and I don't want you to change either," Mary said softly.
"Mary," Sam sobbed. "I can't just let him.... he hurt you.... he hurt Erin...."
"And I love you for that, Sam," Mary said softly. "But please, if you love me back, don't do this. Let him go, and stay here with me. Keep being my Sam. Please."
Tears fell down Sam's face. "Oh Mary," and she turned into her embrace, the gun falling to her feet.
John felt like this might be his cue. He looked up the ravine, saw Erin there, silently watching, waiting to see whether or not Sam would kill him. He couldn't read the expression on her face. He turned and ran back to his boat, only glancing once to see they hadn't followed, weren't even looking at him. The motor started and he backed away to mid-river, turned, and was gone forever. On the way home he thought of Mia, wondering if she would marry him. And he thought of little Rosalita, and for the first time wondered what he was doing to her life, whether she would be another wife, if Mia could accept that. And if not.... maybe he should stop teaching her about sex. He'd never had an attack of conscience so profound, before. He didn't know what he would do about it, but he went home. He wanted to hug Mia even if she did yell at him when he showed her affection during the daylight, and he wanted to hold their son.
+++
Erin walked down to the waterline, Mary and Sam broke their embrace as she approached. Erin looked at Mary, then up at Sam. Erin moved in and hugged Mary, kissed her ear. She kissed Mary's cheek, then found her lips. Mary was hesitant at first but then sighed and kissed Erin back as Erin kissed her deeply.
Erin broke the kiss, and looked into Mary's dazed eyes. She smiled, then looked over at Sam. She fell out of Mary's embrace, and then held Sam. She was taller, Erin could reach her neck, her jaw, then Sam turned into her kiss faster than Mary had. Erin kissed her softly, but deeply.
Erin again broke the kiss, and the embrace, smiling at both of them. She wasn't sure how she was feeling, but knew... she smiled. "I need to take a swim," she said, pulling her white t-shirt over her head. "Please come swim with me," as she unbuttoned her jeans, pulling them and her panties down at the same time. She unhooked her bra and ran into the cold water, getting in as fast as she could.
Mary and Sam looked at each other, shrugged, smiled, and undressed, soon joining Erin.
Erin splashed Mary a little, smiling. Mary splashed back, missed, hit Sam, who retaliated. Soon the three were giggling and laughing like children until they found themselves embracing and smiling in the water. Erin again took Mary in her arms, their bodies touching with nothing between them. "When we first met we were going to make love. We never got to." Erin's kiss this time was deeper, more intimate, and her hands found Mary's body. Mary held Erin's ass as the blonde girl straddled Mary's thigh in the water, rubbing herself against it, sighing in the pleasure of it.
Erin pulled back, catching her breath, and gave Mary a wicked smile. She turned to Sam. "Is this ok? Mary has your heart, I would never do anything to come between you."
Sam smiled. "You are our friend, and we love you. Mary and your friends taught me that there are a lot of different ways to love someone."
Erin smiled, "I hoped you would feel that way," and fell into Sam's embrace, feeling the taller woman's firm ass and breasts in her hands under the water. She gasped as Sam's fingers slid down her ass, and under. Erin broke the kiss again, and told Sam, "I plan on starting a relationship with your brother when we get back, and I'm prolly going to marry him, is that ok?"
Sam smiled, "Oh my god you're too good for him," she laughed. "But we'll all be sisters then," and she took Erin in her arms again, kissing her.
Erin felt Mary come up behind her, her two dear friends holding her tight between them.
Erin had worried about her life, about who she was. She had worried about whether she was a real live girl, or just a thing for men to use. Sending John away had suddenly absolved her of her worries. She finally knew who she was, now.
Erin had also worried about her injuries... she'd had stitches... she worried about discomfort and insensitivity during sex, that she wouldn't be able to enjoy it. Mary and Sam taught her that night that she had nothing to worry about.
The End
Copyright 2016: "Marissa Banks." Rights reserved. Not for reuse without express written consent of the author. All content is purely fictional; any similarities to actual persons or events is pure coincidence. Reader must be of legal age in the judicial area he/she resides. Reproductions of the fiction contained herein or linked from here may not be used in whole or in part without express permission from the author.