Chapter 23 ~ Mf, Mg. ffff
Author's Note ~ This chapter contains the second part of Betty's past, the first part was here, in case you are reading these as I post them. That was a few weeks ago, and you may want a refresher.... this part picks up where the last part left off.
Erin had made a decision later in the day in which she had shown Sarah how to give her daddy a blowjob. That night she met Steven on Skype.
"Hey you," he said. "Today was amazing."
"I wanted to talk about that," she said, unable to look him in the eye.... in the camera lens.
He suddenly looked serious. "Is something wrong?"
"Nooooo..." Erin drew the word out. "Well, no. But...." she was hesitating. She had made up her mind, and had her reasons, but she'd never denied a man with whom she was intimate....anything. She was learning it can be difficult to say no to someone you love.
"What is it honey, you can tell me," he said. You better not pull out of this now.... I want you both at once...
"Steven... I know it is beautiful when a father loves his daughter the way that you do Sarah.... and I would never tell you to stop.... but I can't be a part of it." She exhaled. There, I said it.
Steven was pissed, I knew she'd fucking chicken out. He kept his face smooth. "Why, honey? She liked sharing it with you, and I know you can teach her a lot."
Erin was nervous, he was making this hard. "I know Steven it's just..." he doesn't know about any of my past... I need to tell him soon... "It's just me. I just.... I think it is best if you keep your relationship with Sarah just between you and Sarah. I'm not jealous.... and I don't want to stop seeing you.... I hope you don't want stop seeing me.... do you?" Erin was legitimately concerned.
Steven was livid. He kept it out of his voice. "Of course not, baby. I love you so much," flat.
"I am so glad to hear you say that, I thought you'd be mad."
"I'm so not, I understand." FUCK. "So you don't mind if I continue to teach Sarah?"
"No honey.... I know for a fact...." too much information? "that a father and daughter can have a good relationship like that, in real life. I have seen it."
Now how would she know that? What has she seen? "Ok baby, that is so good to hear. Will I see you tomorrow, still?"
Erin smiled, "I am so glad you aren't mad at me. I was so worried. Our usual time tomorrow, after you drop Sarah off at daycare?"
Yeah I wasn't going to fucking take her to daycare tomorrow... "Yes baby, I can't wait to see you." Keeping his smile on was starting to make his cheeks hurt.
"Me too," Erin smiled. "I love you so much!" Erin was so relieved... she had had a decision, and stood her ground. She was feeling so empowered.
"I love you too honey. I have to go... until tomorrow." He closed Skype, and dropped his smile. Fuck. I had a lot of plans for them together. The thought of Erin licking Sarah's pussy had him hard all day. He went and fucked his wife, instead.
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The next day with him the sex was rough and wild. Erin had never seen him so savage... he spanked her while he was riding her hard on her hands and knees. He left a bruise. When he came he reached forward and grabbed her breast and twisted, it hurt so bad she had tears in her eyes, afterwards... but she didn't think she had ever cum so hard in her life. While she was on her tummy recovering, he felt him at her butt... and he pushed, hard, and she cried out... they'd never discussed this... Erin never had a chance to give him permission.... he took from her, angrily, and he kept pushing, and it hurt so bad... and he started fucking her again as she cried out, and she felt him spitting on her, that made it more slippery... and she came again as she felt him filling her ass with his semen. She left his apartment that day with a limp, she was sore, and she was smiling.
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The next morning, Steven took a bath with Sarah, and they had cummies together in the tub. He loved seeing her giggle as she watched his semen shoot all over her.
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Saturday night and Erin had the girls over, they tried to watch a movie in the living room with Erin's mom, but she was acting so strange, drinking a lot and slurring her words. They couldn't see the needle marks inside her elbows, under her house coat. Nora caught Betty staring at her a lot. She hadn't even paid much attention to Ashley, who was introduced as a friend of Lucy's. Ashley did her best to dress casually like a younger girl that night, she even wore her hair in pigtails, and she fit in well as they let Erin's mom assumed she was a teenager.
Erin was picking up on the strange vibe too, and at 9 pm moved her friends into the bedroom to lay around and talk. They had Laura online for a while, and they talked about her attempts to get pregnant... not yet, but they were hoping for soon. She and Ashley were introduced, and they were friendly with each other and Ashley was intrigued that Laura was married to her actual father. Ashley asked if they could talk about that sometime, Laura smiled and told her any time and they made sure they had each others Skype names. They all also talked about how the police chief and her Mary's doctor were planning on going to go see her soon in Texas, they heard she was doing really well and wanted to check in with her. The girls felt that all was right in their world, and they were anxious for Erin's mom to go to bed so they could be closer.
At 10 pm Betty went into the bathroom to inject herself again, it helped her sleep. She knocked softly on Erin's bedroom door and stuck in her head, "Good night honey, love you. You girlsssss have fun, don't stay up too late." She slurred a little, and her eyelids were heavy... but her thoughts were far away, and she was feeling so nice. That is to say, the memories of her past were suppressed and not currently intruding upon her, like they had been since that day at the spa. It had only been getting worse since then.... the ghosts had found a crack in the door in her mind, and were straining to open it. She medicated and went to bed.
When they felt it was late enough they began to touch each other, softly. They talked less, and slowly unbuttoned each other's pajama tops, slowly untied each other's bottoms. Lucy and Ashley wouldn't touch each other, though, and Erin noticed. They were sitting in a circle on Erin's bed, Nora and Erin looking across at each other from opposite sides as Ashley and Lucy did the same. Erin kissed them both on their cheeks, softly, and they both looked at her. "Have you kissed yet?" she asked them. It wasn't a secret that Ash and Lucy talked to each other every night, but Erin hadn't wanted to pry into how far they'd gone, yet.
Ashley looked down and blushed, Lucy just looked at Ashley, smiled, and shook her head to Erin.
Erin moved forward a little on her knees, getting closer. She put one hand on Ashley's back, and the other on Lucy's, bringing them into a loose hug. She leaned in, and Lucy turned her head, and they kissed softly.
Nora leaned over on one arm, wrapping her legs under her and to the side as she watched what was happening, with a smile.
Erin finally broke her kiss with Lucy, and so close, asked her softly. "Do you want to kiss Ashley?"
Lucy smiled again, turned to Ashley, and smiled.
Erin turned her head, and leaned in to Ashley, who returned Erin's soft, passionate, gentle kiss. Erin finally broke it, "Do you want to kiss Lucy?"
Ashley took a quivering breath.... "So much," she whispered, looking at the smiling girl across from her. "I'm scared," softer. She had never, ever been in a situation like this. There was so much emotion... love was a tangible thing, here, with them. She could see it, almost touch it. She felt that these girls had a bond so deep that she knew would never be able to understand it, and yet she could also feel they were opening themselves to her, inviting her into it, giving themselves to her freely. She had been with girls before. She had been with more than one girl at a time, before. But she'd never been in something like this. And it scared her to death.
Erin looked into her eyes, Ashley saw so much understanding, there. Erin saw right through her, she knew Erin knew what she felt without even having to ask. She felt tears growing in her eyes.
Erin leaned back, and with her hands, gently moved Ashley and Lucy closer to one another. It took nothing, the merest hint of permission from Erin, they moved together. Erin saw a smile on Lucy she didn't think she had ever seen before, eyes so alert and bright, a smile so wide, she didn't know Lucy had that many teeth. At the last moment Lucy put her hands to Ashley's face, a final reminder that Ashley was real... and she leaned forward, and both girls closed their eyes. Ashley felt a love that she didn't know was possible, and Lucy kissed the girl of her dreams.
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At 2 in the morning Betty woke up, she was so thirsty, dehydrated from the drug and all the alcohol she was drinking. She padded barefoot down the hallway and heard something from Erin's closed door. She softly placed her ear against it, she heard one girl giggle, and then another moan, "Oh god, please don't stop... I'm so close..." softly, so softly. It sounded like Erin. She walked back, the water forgotten, and went to bed... her head was suddenly pounding, and she felt dizzy, and she thought she might throw up.
It's coming... no.... I can't... I won't.... please, no.... but the door in her mind was open, the ghosts were loose, the memories would no longer be denied. She remembered her past like she was a prisoner locked down in an electric chair, being force fed a movie.
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Good girls don't have impure thoughts. Good girls renounce them. Good girls do not think that way of other girls....
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At the compound, at first Betty tried to lose herself in thoughts of home, and Louise, and even Reggie.... she had a vague memory of him in the same van they'd thrown her into, back at home, and wondered if he were here, too, somewhere in this large place. When they had her cleaning floors with a scrub brush for hours at a time she would think of the river she and Louise used to kiss near, under the shade of the willow. When she was in silent prayer for hours at sunup and sundown, she would think of her best friend Reggie, and the games they used to play in the countryside as children. But over time those thoughts and memories became bitter, instead of comforting. The weeks turned to months, every day the same, no weekends off, no holidays...and her litany....Good girls don't have impure thoughts. Good girls renounce them. Good girls do not think that way of other girls.... began to give her comfort, instead. When she said the words, she was praised. When she said them wrong, she was punished and she spent time in the Room of Reflection. It only took her one more trip in her third month to really understand how hope was poison, and acceptance of her fate was its own reward. She knew why she was there... she was a sinner, and needed to be purged. She began to realize that if she took that reality into her heart, maybe she could live in God's grace, again. She was certainly not finding His grace with "hope."
The last time she ever thought of Louise was in her 6th month at the compound. She thought she'd been doing well, she hadn't been punished for anything for almost a month, but one evening she was not excused from evening chapel and she knew better than to leave without being dismissed. She hadn't eaten for two days the first time she left without permission, when she had needed to use the facilities. So she remained on her knees, hands folded, and pretended to pray, beginning to worry she'd been forgotten. A few times people came and went through the chapel, one of the "preachers" walked right past her and she wanted to say excuse me, but I think I've been forgotten... but she knew the punishment for speaking out of turn, as well. That punishment was the leather strap across the backs of her thighs. She stayed on her knees all night until the sun was coming up, and when the other penitents filed in, The Woman was with them. "Penitent," she said to her. "Come with me."
Betty cried out when she tried to stand, her legs had long ago fallen asleep, and when she moved them the pain of daggers stabbing her flesh and muscle cramps hit her all at once. The woman stood watching her kneel on the alter rail trying to make her legs work. Finally the blood began to return to her feet and she managed one clumsy step, and then another. The woman just watched her, silently. When Betty finally managed to stand on her own the woman took one last look at her swaying form, turned, and said, "Come" as she walked out of the chapel. Betty did her best to keep up, dead feet flapping against the floor.
They went to her office. "Sit," she said, and Betty thought she'd never felt anything so good as the simple act of sitting on that wooden chair. "Penitent, repeat to me your words."
Without hesitation Betty recited, "Good girls don't have impure thoughts. Good girls renounce them. Good girls do not think that way of other girls, mother."
"Very good," she replied.
The chair was having another affect on Betty. She hadn't slept at all last night, and the comfort and relief of it was making her drowsy... very drowsy. She suddenly wanted nothing more than to fall asleep, but knew the dangers of nodding off here, and now.
"Penitent, you are to be tested. The demon in you weakens your will, but God strengthens it. We are going to see which influence in you is stronger. I cannot see into your mind, so all I can do is to test your will. Do you understand?"
Betty was confused, she didn't know what the woman was saying. "I'm not sure I understand, mother."
The woman smiled, but the smile didn't make her look happy. "Of course you don't," she said ominously. "But you will."
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She was given a meager breakfast of oatmeal, and her trial began. Her eyelids already heavy she began scrubbing floors, and she learned just how large this compound was, from her hands and knees. She began at 8am and they didn't let her stop until 4pm when she was swaying from hunger and fatigue, knees numb, shoulders and fingers aching. They allowed her to use the restroom and fed her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which she attacked like a wolf to a lamb, but still her stomach rumbled, the sandwich had merely aroused her appetite. But the food gave her some energy and she got her second wind... she was very much looking forward to sleeping tonight, and she thought she might be able to make it for the next 6 hours until lights out. They took her to the chapel early to pray... she allowed herself to think that perhaps they would release her early to bed, so she was praying early. She allowed herself that hope.
She wasn't released early. The others came in for evening prayers, and she was dismissed with them, and her feet were dragging, but she followed them out. The Woman was outside the chapel doors. "Come with me," she said to Betty, who was so tired, she wanted only her bed, but she followed. The woman led her through the dark door into her office and again offered her the wooden chair, which Betty gratefully accepted. She watched The Woman take a crucifix off the wall, the one that was about a foot high and made of wood the same dark color as the door and the desk, and handed it to her. Betty accepted it.
"Penitent, tonight's test will continue to test the power of God's will within you. You are going to sit here and hold Holy Jesus to your heart until the sun comes up. If you fall asleep and drop the Holy Father to the floor, you will be deemed failed, and your training will start from the beginning. Do you understand?"
Betty suddenly wanted to cry, her body was so exhausted, and she hated the hope she had allowed herself to feel... the hope that she might be allowed to sleep. Her head was spinning with confused thoughts as she fought her mind's insistence that it needed to shut down.... but she couldn't start over... she just couldn't.... so in a small voice she said, "Yes mother...." and fought an urge to sob. The woman sat with her through the night, reading her Bible while Betty clutched the cross to her breast, and silently said her litany to herself. At one point in the night, without realizing it, she started swaying back and forth and muttering her litany aloud, if under her breath. The woman merely looked at her, and a smile touched her lips.
Betty made it until the sun came up, and they fed her again, and she too tired to be amazed that she'd made it through the night. Her voice was hoarse but she knew that at least today, at some point, this must all be over. She wanted nothing more than that small cot in that small room.
It was the fifth day of her sleep deprivation that she fell over while walking to the chapel. She knew nothing but her words, and her need to sleep. If she could have formed the thought she would have pondered the idea that your willpower comes entirely from your mind, so if your mind is broken, you have no willpower. No matter how strong you are, your perception of reality all comes from your brain. She would have realized that's why their torture was working.
She fell asleep on her feet and actually slept for four minutes until she woke up on the floor in the shower, under the hose. The water was icy cold and stung her skin where it was exposed. There was a chair in the middle of the floor, and The Woman was in the doorway, commanding her. "On your feet, penitent. On your feet!" sternly. Shocked by the cold water, Betty managed to stand, swaying, not entirely sure where she was. "Say your words!" the woman shouted, her voice echoing off the white tiled walls of the shower room..
Betty mindlessly, obliviously repeated them while cold water dripped from her body. "Good girls don't have impure thoughts! Good girls renounce them! Good girls do not think that way of other girls!" Her voice was so cracked as to be almost gone, but she got them out.
"Again!" the woman shouted at her, and she repeated them, beginning to sway on her feet, again.
The hose hit her. The water shocked her awake.
"Sit on the chair," The Woman commanded, and she did. "Penitent, you will spend tonight in this chair, reciting your words. If your eyes close, you will receive the hose. Do you understand me?"
"Yes mother," she said, but her voice was so weak that only air passed her lips.
"What?" The Woman demanded.
Betty took a deep, exhausted breath, and managed to make sound, "YES MOTHER!" she tried to yell, but it still came as a whisper.
"Very well. Your watch begins. Recite your words."
Automatically, reflexively, Betty began her litany, and repeated it, and repeated it. She managed to hypnotize herself, repeating the words, remaining upright in the chair, but shutting down her brain with just enough mental function to keep her unseeing eyes open and remain upright. Only occasionally did the hose interrupt her, when her brain, demanding total shutdown, retreated into itself... but as she started to fall over, the hose would bring her back and she would start her words from the beginning, no matter where she left off. By morning she had no voice left, and her cold lips were blue, and she was soaking wet. She had no idea who was in the room with her, she saw no one, and knew only that her words were true, and she knew the hose could not be resisted, and she knew for a certainty that she was never going to leave this place. That thought gave her comfort.
It was late on the 6th day that she collapsed in the hallway, and couldn't be roused, even by the hose. The doctor was called and the man in the white coat was nearby and carried her to the infirmary. He knew immediately that she was dehydrated and thought she might be getting pneumonia. He started an IV drip and sat by her bed, waiting.
On the 7th day, like the just and merciful God she loved so much, she finally rested, her thoughts and conscience clear, she slept the sleep of the righteous. In her dark dreams she knew she was now a good girl.
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Betty slept for 23 hours and spent another three days in the infirmary too weak from dehydration to get out of bed, but she felt serene. She knew she was a Good Girl, her demons were purged, and God would heal her if He willed it. She had no memory of her love for Louise, she didn't entertain those thoughts any more. When Doctor Carl finally cleared her to return to her duties, she was summoned directly to The Woman's office. She knocked, was allowed entry, and went in, calmly and stood before The Woman's desk, hands folded. "You called for me, Mother?" she asked softly.
The Woman looked much like she did that first time they met, sitting behind her desk, fingers tented, gaze inscrutable. After a time she said, "You've done well. Your demons are gone, I can see it in your face. Tell me your words."
Betty held her head high, and recited her words... not the rote recitation she'd made tens of thousands of times during her trial last week, she spoke them from her heart as if she believed every word. These were her words. Hers alone. She had earned them. "Good girls DON'T have impure thoughts! Good girls RENOUNCE them! Good girls DO NOT think that way of other girls!" She spoke her words clearly, enunciating every syllable, and The Woman knew she meant them with every ounce of her being.
The Woman stood from her chair and walked around to Betty, who stood before her, her eyes still averted... and the woman reached out and embraced her. Betty thought herself beyond surprise, her calm was slightly shaken, but she was also filled with light and love for this angel of God who had pulled her from Satan's Pit. Suddenly she wept, and The Woman held her.
"You are no longer a penitent," The Woman said to her, holding her head. "You have found God's forgiveness. Now you shall live in the light as my Daughter." The Woman broke the embrace, and kindly offered Betty to sit, handing her a tissue from inside her sleeve. Betty fixed her face as The Woman returned to her chair and sat down. "Now that you are free of sin, and you have been broken from Hell's path, we need to prepare you for your new life in God's service." She sat back, looking at Betty, who was smiling brightly back at her, feeling loved for the first time in what remained of her memory. "Your 18th birthday is in a little more than a month. I will call your parents and tell them of your success with us, and I will have them come to get you, then. Doesn't that sound nice?"
Betty smiled a little wider, that sounded fine. "Yes Mother, that sounds wonderful, thank you."
The Woman smiled, and nodded. "You will still attend morning and evening chapel... Good Girls love God and enjoy the comfort of prayer, don't you think?"
Betty agreed completely. "Yes mother, that sounds wonderful, thank you."
"But we'll give you a task to fill your hours, you will be doing us a service, and until you leave us perhaps you can help some of those who haven't been here as long, or are perhaps having trouble finding their way back to God. Doesn't that sound nice?"
Betty thought it was a perfect use of her time. "Yes mother, that sounds wonderful, thank you."
The Woman nodded. "Tomorrow after morning prayers report to Sister Phillipa in the kitchens. She will teach you your task. Thank you, daughter. You may go," and she turned her attention to some papers on her desk.
Betty stood immediately, disappointed to be leaving The Woman's presence, but happy to comply. "Thank you Mother, this is all so wonderful, thank you," and exited through the heavy wooden door. For the first time she walked unescorted through the hallway to her cell, she found the experience novel, and a little unnerving. She opened her door to enter and saw the bud vase on her dresser, with a single red rose to welcome her home and into her new life. She smiled, and thought to herself, coming here was the best thing that has ever happened to me... how could I have ever doubted that?
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The next morning at prayers she praised God by silently repeating her words 500 times, meaning it each time. After she reported to the kitchen and found Sister Phillipa, who was expecting her.
"I need you in the bake shop, child" she said. "Can you bake?"
"I always helped my mother with the baking... my mother at home, I mean," making sure she wasn't confusingly referencing The Mother. "So I know a little, Sister."
"Very good," she answered shortly. "Then you can help me teach the new boy, he is also starting today. Step back into the bakery, I will be right there."
Betty had wondered if there were any boys here, she had seen plenty of other girls, but they weren't allowed to speak to one another so information of what happened beyond her own hallways was never passed to her. But if there is a new boy, does that mean there is a boy's area, somewhere? How interesting! She walked behind the serving counter and asked a dishwasher, "The bakery, please?" who simply pointed through a door off to the left, a wet sponge in her hand. She stepped through and noticed all the large and different machines, not really recognizing them but seeming to sense the use of each, and in the corner, removing baking pans from an overhead shelf, was a tall boy. She was about to announce her presence to him when he turned, and she saw his face. She blinked several times, this face from her past life suddenly intruding on her new one. The boy saw her and smiled, and said, "Betty! I wondered if you were here, isn't this place wonderful?"
Betty put on her smile and fought an urge to run to him and hug, and a simultaneous urge to run away screaming. "Hello Reggie, it really is, isn't it?"
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Sister Phillipa, spent their first day hovering over them as they did the various tasks that needed to be done to prepare the day's breads and cakes. They didn't talk much at all, always busy trying to do a good job for God, Reggie seeming to be even happier than she was to be here. He seemed different to her, somehow... he always smiled now, but Betty wondered if he was the same as he had always been but it was only the changes in herself that now saw him differently. She wasn't sure.
That night after supper but before evening prayers she knocked on The Woman's door, and after a moment was allowed entry. She opened the door, "Do you have a moment, Mother?"
The Woman just stared at her for a moment. "Of course, daughter. I will always have time for you. Come in, please, and sit."
Betty did, closing the door behind her, and sat, primly.
"What is it?" The Woman asked.
Betty took a deep breath, she had practiced this all through supper, but was still not sure how to begin.
"The bakery..." she began. "My old... friend... from home is also there, Reggie."
The Woman's gaze was steady. "Yes, I know."
"I didn't want to ask him, I...." she stopped again to organize her thoughts. "I was a sinner, and you helped me back to God. But he was a sinner, too. Is he..." Betty was embarrassed to ask, in a way the question she needed answered felt shameful, to her. "Is he ok with God, too?"
The Woman sat back behind her desk and tented her fingers, studying Betty. Finally she answered, "He is. And though your paths were similar, his demons were more difficult to purge than were your own. He was willful, and his demons fought. But we finally helped him find God. Talk to him about it. I think you'll find him perfectly happy to talk to you about his journey back into the light."
"Thank you Mother, I will," Betty said, accepting her answer. But she didn't leave her seat.
The Woman noticed, "Was there something else, daughter?"
Betty really wasn't sure how to ask this next question, but with God's help, found the courage... "Yes, mother. I..." and she took a deep breath. "Why did you assign us both to the bakery?"
The Woman almost seemed to Betty to have an amused look on her face. "You are both from the same small town and have been friends from childhood, isn't that correct?"
"Yes, mother."
"And you were very close friends, and knew of each other's sins and demons, and still accepted each other?"
Betty had never thought of it in that way, but, "Yes, mother."
"Well, don't you think that since you're now both free of demons, that maybe you might find a different kind of friendship with each other? I know that you know Good Girls don't think that way of other girls," repeating her own words to her, "But I also think you'll find that Reginald now understands men do not think that way about other men." She paused to let that sink in. "Do you understand?"
Betty, deep down, was feeling... or felt she should be feeling... but suddenly her words came into her mind, good girls don't think that way of other girls. But if those words were true, and she knew for a fact that they were, then that would imply.... and she said out loud, "Good girls think about boys in that way!" smiling, heart racing, filled with joy.
And for the first time she saw a real smile come to The Woman's face. "Yes child, you do understand. It makes me so happy to have no doubts about your finding the light of God. Go to prayers tonight, get a good night's sleep, and spend tomorrow baking and creating with your childhood friend."
Betty suddenly felt her future opening up before her. She would sleep well tonight, and she would spend tomorrow with Reggie, her dear Reggie, who would be a perfect boy for any lucky girl. She smiled so hard her cheeks hurt and her teeth were grinding a little bit.
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Sister Phillipa just happened to give them long breaks in the afternoon between the lunch and evening meals, and they were given access to the grounds outside of the building. It was just a few trees and a picnic table surrounded by endless fields of corn, but it was also the first time either of them had been outside in nearly a year. They were no longer penitents, they were a son and daughter of God, in His Grace, and were merely waiting for their parents to come pick them up in a few weeks on Betty's 18th birthday. Reginald had turned 18 the month before.
In the first week they talked about their experiences in the compound, and Betty learned that Reggie had his own litany, that he recited for her. Real men do not have impure thoughts. Real men renounce them. Man shall not lie down with man. Betty touched his hand after he told her, for the first time in a long time they shared with each other something deeply personal.
The second week they held hands during their breaks as they walked and sat at the picnic table, under the tallest tree. In the third week they stood behind the tree and tried to kiss, practicing, both of them very clumsy, telling each other, and themselves, how wonderful it was, how exciting. The fourth week they stood together in The Woman's office, hand in hand, and asked if they could be married before they left. Betty's birthday turned into her wedding day, all of their parents were present, and the compound staff, and The Woman agreed to be Betty's matron of honor. After the minister announced them husband and wife Reginald and Betty Banks kissed for the first time, Reggie turned to shake hands with his father, and Betty turned to The Woman, they hugged, and Betty whispered, "You changed my life."
The Woman simply whispered back to her, "You changed your own life, with God's help."
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The wedding was sudden so everyone understood the reason Reginald had not provided his new bride with a home, so they lived with Reginald's parents for a few months while their families gathered up the wedding gift the newlyweds wanted... they wanted to open a bakery together. A few days after they returned home they rode their bikes to the river, and the big rock where they used to practice their sin. There, on a blanket, they consummated their union, both of them with rigid smiles on their faces, telling each other how wonderful it felt, and it did... really. They did have love for each other, that much, at least, was true. They had since they were children. Any other problems could be tolerated. Their first child was conceived there, beside that river, in dusty Oklahoma.
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Everyone knew their town could not support a bakery, and on the advice of a relative in finance in Omaha they moved to central Florida which was showing promise as an up-and-coming area. They purchased a plot of cheap land just outside the city limits between downtown and the biggest suburb, and over time watched their business, and family, grow, soon moving out of the small apartment above the bakery and into a new large house in one of the newer suburbs sprouting up around the new, giant amusement park. Every night of their marriage they knelt together near their bed, held hands, and prayed. Reginald said his litany, and then Betty said hers. The words kept their minds clear and serene. The words kept them from remembering. The words kept them from remembering an altered life. Betty never thought of Louise, ever.
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Since Reginald's murder at the hands of Crazy Ed Donners, Betty had not spoken to God nor said her litany a single time.
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She was slipping.
She lay in her bed, holding her hands over her temples, she knew her brain was about to pound out of her skull. She didn't want to walk past Erin's bedroom door again... she might hear... Louise.... she might hear... no she's Nora now.... she might hear.... her daughter making love with a another girl.
Good girls don't have impure thoughts. Good girls do not think that way of other girls....
"Oh god," she prayed softly, out loud... "Please... please help me... I can't do this...."
No one answered her.
She was done crying by morning, and she was able to put on her old smile and make breakfast for the girls, who seemed very happy and didn't suspect that Erin's mother was losing her mind.
Copyright 2016: "Marissa Banks." Rights reserved. Not for reuse without express written consent of the author. All content is purely fictional; any similarities to actual persons or events is pure coincidence. Reader must be of legal age in the judicial area he/she resides. Reproductions of the fiction contained herein or linked from here may not be used in whole or in part without express permission from the author.