Chapter 2 ~ f, ff
That night at Dinner, Erin was staring at her plate rearranging a lasagna her mother had made. Sometimes when eating her jaw would click when she took a big bite, and she would remember how it had been broken once, and it usually made her lose her appetite. "Hey Mom, I was thinking of going down to La Mercada tomorrow, would that be ok?" La Mercada was a large mall of stores underground, with access from the street, and it ran under their apartment building so they had direct elevator access to it right down the hall.
Her mother looked at her, worried, but excited. Erin hadn't asked to leave the apartment at all since she left the hospital... was this a good sign? "I don't see why not. Did you have something in mind you wanted to buy?"
Erin did indeed...but she couldn't tell her mother about it. "Not really, whenever we go by the entrances it always sounds like a party inside, so I was just wondering what was down there. And you said it was nice." There was a small grocery down there, and her mother often went down when they needed milk or fruit or something. Erin was wondering if there was a pet store down there.
Her mother smiled at her, "Of course I don't mind honey... most stores open about 11. Why don't you go down after your tutor leaves tomorrow? I'll leave you some money if you want something.... just please be home by dinner."
"Thanks mom," Erin smiled, and almost meant it. Maybe this will fix me, she thought to herself, and dug into her pasta.
+++
Erin tried one more time to get herself aroused that night in bed, replaying in her head what she'd seen in in the park over and over... and for some reason even thinking of her friends the first time she'd met them, but she didn't know the significance of that, yet. Nothing worked, her body remained dead below the waist. Eventually she gave up and tried to sleep, but it was slow to come.
+++
Erin dragged the next morning, showing less enthusiasm as usual for her lessons, but soon it was done and Erin grabbed the money her mother had left before she went down the street to the soup kitchen where she volunteered. Eighty bucks... should be more than enough, she thought to herself, and the little, blonde, 12 year old girl went to the elevator and hit the LM button at the bottom of the stack that would take her all the way down. She was wearing fitted denim shorts, a loose, white cotton t-shirt, white trainers, and her hair was back in a ponytail. She was a vision of feminine cuteness, and having a goal for the first time in a long time almost gave her a spring to her step and a slight, unconscious sway to her hips. More than one man turned to look at her as she wandered through the underground mall, her life experiences giving her a woman's demeanor, and others picked up on it. Most of them men couldn't decide if she were 13 or a petite 25.
When the elevator door opened she was almost overwhelmed by the noise and lights. Being underground it was all artificially lit so she had the impression of being on a busy street at night, but at 11am. Different music, mostly Latin, came from many different stores and speakers in the promenade. It was a lot for her, her life had been very quiet for the last 6 months since she woke up, and she took a moment to acclimatize. Soon, though, she remembered how to tune out the audio/visual stimulation overload, and began to stroll. It felt so strange being out of the apartment on her own, it was a novel feeling. So many people here already, so much to see. With her heart beating rapidly she thought to herself, I need to come down here more often. She wandered the upper level deck overlooking the lower level, and then was half way down the lower level picking at a soft pretzel she'd bought when she finally found a small pet store. She had butterflies in her stomach.
An older man watched her walk in... white girl, nice clothes, he thought to himself. Probably not here to steal. "Help you with something missy?" he asked her.
Erin was a little startled, she blushed a little, like she'd been caught doing something wrong. "Oh, ummm.... hi. Yeah, our dog needs a new collar, do you have those?"
"Back there, left aisle," he said, gesturing.
"Thanks," Erin replied, and quickly went back.
Nice ass, he thought, as he watched her walk away.
The store wasn't big, mostly it was pet food and bedding and a few aquariums in the back, but she found a section with cat and dog collars... and she saw a red one that looked the right size... and her legs got rubbery. She pulled it off the hook with trembling fingers, and undid the latch, and adjusted it, and saw it would fit her own neck perfectly... she had measured herself with her fingers the night before. She didn't even look at the price, she quickly carried it to the man with her heart beating in her throat, and put it down.
"If you lost his collar make sure you get him new tags or the dog catcher will take him," the man said while scanning the price tag.
"What?" Erin looked at him, surprised he was talking.
"Your dog. If he lost his collar, make sure you get new rabies tags."
At first she was confused, her mind was already back up in her bedroom. "My dog... OH... MY DOG. Yeah. Yeah, new tags. My dad will."
The clerk took her money and made change, gave her a receipt, and watched her leave, forgetting her pretzel on his counter. He threw it away. Kids these days, he thought to himself. That one actually did seem to be on drugs.
+++
Erin went directly back to her apartment elevator, heart still beating rapidly, carrying the collar low and almost behind her, as if trying to hide it, as if people would see her carrying it and know. To her it was such an intimate thing... she knew why girls wore collars, she was more familiar with naked young girls wearing collars than she was with animals wearing them, and under her consciousness she said to herself, as if there's a difference. Her brain told her that no one would suspect, but her heart knew better. She knew everyone would see her carrying it, and know.
She didn't remember hitting the button for her floor, or swiping her magnetic apartment key on the pad to give her access to the residential floors of the building, or returning to the apartment, but she knew she had 4 hours until her mom got home, so she locked the apartment door behind her and ran to her room. She closed her bedroom door and stripped naked, and looked at herself in the mirror, collar in her hand. Her mind was racing... she knew this wasn't right... there was no reason for this... but her body was craving release, the way, at one time, it craved for John's cock to fill her with his cum. She remembered she used to feel that way, but couldn't understand why. She still thought about him doing that, but she'd gotten accustomed to her libido still being in a coma... but with this collar in her hand, she felt it stirring, threatening to finally awaken.
She looked at it, and pulled off the tag. She undid the buckle, opening it up. It was red leather, the metal bits were chrome, and she put it around the back of her neck. As soon as it touched her skin, her nipples, on top of her small but growing breasts, became erect, and her knees felt weak, again. She felt a warmth between her thighs, and that warmth gave her a chill up her spine. It's been so long... whispered the little girl still inside her head, watching
She slid the open end of the collar into the buckle, and pulled it tight so there was no slack. She pulled it a little tighter to get it one more notch. Her eyes closed, she dropped her arms, raised her head, and opened her eyes, looking into the mirror.
She didn't recognize herself.
The girl she had been looking at since she woke up was gone, the one now looking back at her from the mirror was a stranger. She was one part Nora, one part Laura, and one part Lucy... the slaves they were when she first met them. Becoming different people when they put collars around their necks, for different reasons, allowing their immature bodies and minds to feel lust and sexual pleasure. Erin now realized this was what she needed, what she had been grasping for. With this collar she was no longer the meek girl who had been dreadfully hurt and lost everything she had loved, she was a goddess of pleasure who was allowed to feel anything... everything.
And she wasted no time.
The 12 year old girl, looking at herself in the mirror, ran the fingers of her right hand down her tummy... past her wisps of blonde pubic hair, to her vagina... and she felt her wetness. She moaned as she applied as little pressure to her clit, spreading her thighs slightly, giving herself access. Her vagina was already dripping and her clit was already erect in its hood, and her fingers found it, and she had an orgasm almost immediately. Her first orgasm in months hit her hard, her abdomen contracting so hard it doubled her over, and she fell to her knees, but she didn't stop. On all fours she fingered herself to two orgasms in a row and then crawled to her feet, sucking on her fingers... so long since she tasted herself. She fell onto her bed and continued, no longer able to see the collar around her neck, but she could feel it squeezing, giving her permission to let go of herself. She spread her legs wide and imagined a string of people between her thighs licking her... John... Laura... Nora.. Lucy, Sam, Chrissy.... even the men of The Circle, who had licked her pussy so many times, she was ashamed to think... and she came again, anyway. She slid her fingers inside of herself as she caught her breath, thinking how she should be horrified for cumming to the memories of The Circle, but not caring. She wanted more. More pleasure, more release, more orgasms. She grabbed her favorite pony from the shelf near the closet, removed the two vibrators from it, one bigger, one smaller. She sucked the bigger one wet, turned it on... still some battery left, thank god... and slid it inside her small vagina... she felt so full, after so long, and she remembered it wasn't even as big as John had been. She slid it in and out of her body with her eyes closed as she sucked the smaller one like it was a cock... and when she was ready, she rolled over onto her knees, and with her face in her pillow and ass in the air, she forced the smaller vibrator into her ass while the other was buried in her pussy. She cried out with pleasure as she double penetrated herself, feeling her ass stretch and surrender, again, after so long... and soon had them both inside herself to the hilt, and worked them in and out the best she could while she moaned, remembering how John used to hold her hips and fuck her like this, both vaginally and anally. She came as she thought about how he trained her, and her first time, and how he had gotten her pregnant when she was only 10 years old. I must have been so small, then, she thought to herself, imagining how it must have been like when his sperm had met her first egg, what seemed like a million years ago... it didn't seem real, but it had actually happened, and the thought of how John had made their baby inside her body gave her her biggest orgasm of the afternoon. She actually heard the plastic of the smaller vibrator creak as her tight, young butt squeezed it as she came.
She collapsed on her bed, again catching her breath, and removed the toys from her body... these will have to be cleaned, she thought, and took them to the small bathroom off her bedroom. She was cleaning them both in the sink when she saw the bath tub in the mirror behind her, and the handheld showerhead. Oh yes, she though with a shiver, turned around and turned on the water in the tub.
Wearing nothing but her collar little Erin got in the tub, grabbed the showerhead, and laid down with it. She immediately spread her legs and let the water jets find her... and she arched her back and moaned. Yes.... this is what I needed... she ran the jets up and down her small vagina, the water kissing her clit briefly with each pass, to open and explore the delicate folds down below. She turned on the single jet and let it spray into her vagina... she felt the water tickling her cervix. She did the same with her butt... she did her best to relax and open herself to the invasion. She had her fingers in her vagina, in her ass, on her clit, all the while the water stimulating her affection-starved young body. Erin came again and again, feeling the comfort... the permission... of the collar around her throat.
Erin only noticed the time when the water turned cool... she had emptied the hot water tank. She turned off the water and got out of the tub looking at herself in the mirror.... her nipples no longer erect, the skin all over her body red and flushed, either from the hot water, or from the exertion. Her hair was a mess, the half that escaped her ponytail now wet and straggly. She looked at herself in the mirror and smiled... happy to have finally gotten such relief, but knowing her mother would be home soon, she took off the collar, sat it next to the sink with the vibrators, and felt nothing, again.
The numbness was an old friend, but with the memory of her afternoon in the collar... it felt hollow, now. Erin wasn't sure what to make of that... she felt nothing... except maybe an anticipation of putting on the collar again... perhaps tonight in bed.
And she felt the beginnings of shame, for the first time in her life.
+++
She cleaned up her bathroom, put the vibrators away, and in a little show of daring, put the collar around her pony's neck, figuring her mother would just think it an accessory, if she noticed it at all. Hiding in plain sight.
As she straightened up her room and herself she pondered what she'd just done. Without the collar she wasn't able to really remember the feeling of pleasure and passion, but her fatigued body was, she admitted, a pleasant feeling, like she'd had a good workout. She wondered if what she did made her a bad person... she no longer had John's constant support and acceptance of her sexuality... and how she worked so hard to break the others girls of their needs for their collars, but here she was volunteering for one... even needing one... and she wondered what that said about herself. She had a hard time focusing on that train of thought, it was giving her a headache, so she let it lie. But she glanced at the collar, around the neck of her pony, and she thought, later.
Shame.
After she finished she just had time to grab some orange juice from the fridge... she felt dehydrated... when her mom returned home. She listened quietly while her mom told her about her day at the shelter. Erin privately, and a little cynically, thought it was cute that her mom spent 30 years feeding other people for a living, and now in her retirement volunteered to feed people. Erin had a brief feeling of well why would she start making time for me now? but let it go. She didn't want to think about that. Erin half listened to her mother talk while they made dinner together, and finally asked if she'd had time to go down to La Mercada.
"Yeah Mom, it was neat down there. I might go down more often."
Her mother smiled, "Good honey, I think you should get out more." She almost added, "Maybe meet your friends down there," but when she thought of those girls she always thought about the child sex ring... and her suspicions... and she didn't like contemplating that. She didn't like considering that she may have let a pedophile have access to her daughter almost every day for several years. She hadn't forbidden Erin from contacting her friends, but she didn't encourage it either, and chose to not think about it.
Erin just nodded at her mother's suggestion. She knew there would be no follow up, mom never seems to care much about me at all until I'm bleeding.
+++
That night in bed she hopped on Skype, and her friends were shocked and delighted to see her on camera naked... from the chest down. They could not see her collar around her neck, but they enjoyed watching her masturbate with her vibrator, and joined her, and later when Erin signed off they all talked with each other about how much that seemed like the old Erin, and they were happy for her.
Copyright 2016: "Marissa Banks." Rights reserved. Not for reuse without express written consent of the author. All content is purely fictional; any similarities to actual persons or events is pure coincidence. Reader must be of legal age in the judicial area he/she resides. Reproductions of the fiction contained herein or linked from here may not be used in whole or in part without express permission from the author.