Chapter 15 ~ mm, ff
Betty was almost shaking by the time the valet brought her car around, but she got in and drove away toward home. She made it five miles past the gate before she had to pull over, her heart racing, her breathing rapid. She managed to put on her hazard lights and recited her litany, Good girls don't have impure thoughts. Good girls renounce them. Good girls do not think that way of other girls.... but the memories came flooding back, anyway.
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She grew up in a small town in Oklahoma in the 1950's. The grain elevator and cattle yards were the major employers in their town, and the money paid to the employees managed to support a drug store, diner, and two taverns in which the single men and farmhands would congregate on Saturday nights after payday. Betty came from a large family, she had 8 brothers and sisters, and age-wise she was right in the middle of them. Her family were lucky, they were cattle ranchers, practically royalty in that remote part of the state. They worked hard as a family through the week, and went to church on Sundays, and all was right in God's world.
Being so isolated it was inevitable that local families would intermarry, so care always had to be taken that when a boy and girl took a fancy to each other. The family tree was checked to make sure things weren't too close, blood-wise. So when Betty's childhood best friend ended up being her male second cousin, the families on both side did their own quiet reckoning, and it was determined that there was no blood relation, they were related by marriage, only. After that their friendship was thought of as adorable and inevitable.
Betty and her cousin Reggie were inseparable, even though they lived on opposite sides of town from each other. They had met at various family functions and reunions and church picnics, but really became close friends in school, always found with their heads together on the playground, a little girl in a pretty dress, a little boy with dungarees and dirty knees. After that one or the other was always bicycling to the other's house on Saturday, a five mile ride, one-way.
There were private spots at each home where they could steal away, once they hit the age of 12 the older members of their families wondering if they were sneaking away to neck. But they weren't.... they truly enjoyed each other's company, and when one day they spoke of the fact that their families thought they were dating, they both found it odd... because it turned out neither one of them had those kinds of feelings for the opposite sex. At all. They held hands and smiled at their revelation, and smiled at the fact that their best friend understood them, and accepted them, and could relate.
Homosexuality simply did not exist in their God-fearing community.
They kept each other's secret and were careful to not be caught staring at the wrong person, even though there turned out to be a girl that made Betty blush, and a boy that made Reggie feel very shy. And, as it turned out, their feelings were reciprocated, and in time the two became four. Their families thought they were just two couples becoming friends and enjoying each other's company, and they were both right about that, and wrong.
When they were all 15 they would ride their bicycles to the river, where they knew a spot with a large boulder hidden in a a copse of willows. They each had a blanket and they would sit on opposite sides of the big rock, Betty sitting and holding hands with Louise, Reggie sitting and spending time with Brian, the boys usually exploring their feelings and kissing each other shyly, more so than the girls, who did kiss, but spent a lot of time holding hands and talking, in the eternal and warm summer afternoons in the dusty Oklahoma summer.
When they turned 16 and were able to borrow their parents' cars on the weekends to spend time at the diner or double date at the drive-in. That became their new favorite activity in the hot summer nights, Betty in the back seat with Louise, their physical explorations becoming more intimate as they grew up, and Reggie in the front seat with Brian, the boys still being more daring, beginning to touch each other, over their slacks. Reggie had his first orgasm in Brian's stroking hand on the same night that Betty had her very first orgasm under Louise's wonderful fingers.
But it all turned to disaster in the summer after they all graduated high school. They were accepted and were going to attend the local technical college together, and were enjoying one last night in late summer at the drive-in movie, the ladies again in the back, the boys in front. They were parked in the back of the lot so no one would walk by on the way to the concession stand or restrooms, but apparently they never considered the fogged car windows might draw attention. Years of friendship had grown into love, years of maturing bodies had led to enthusiastic sexual play. The ladies in the back had removed their dresses and Betty was slowly sliding her fingers in and out of Louise's glorious, wet vagina, her panties pushed to the side, stockings held up by garters, licking and sucking her flesh colored nipples. Reggie was bent over in the front seat and sucking Brian's hard penis, enjoying how the hard 7 inches felt in his mouth, suckling and running his tongue along the bottom the way that Brian really liked. Reggie had already cum in Brian's mouth, who swallowed it all. None of them noticed someone walk up to the car, and suddenly a policeman shined his flashlight through the foggy car windows. He thought he'd caught teenagers necking, and he could see, even through the fogged windows, heads coming out of laps and clothing hastily being put back on, in both front seat, and back. He waited patiently for the window to roll down to give the frisky kids a warning, when he saw who was sitting with whom.
Sodomy was still a crime in Oklahoma, and homosexuality was against God's law, and don't ever let it be said that Officer Richard Platter was not a god-fearing man. He arrested the children and their parents were called, who had to travel from the next county to pick them up. Officer Platter also let them know how they'd been found. As her parents were forcing her out the door Betty turned to Louise, looking so ashamed under her parents' withering gazes, "Louise, I love you! I'll always love you! We'll be together forever!"
Betty never saw Louise again, she never found out what happened to her, only that their family moved away a few weeks later. Betty was taken directly to their church with Reggie, the preacher was awoken, and they spent the rest of the night praying to God for forgiveness. She was so exhausted from her long night and emotional turmoil... she could still smell Louise's scent on her fingers as she folded her hands in prayer... that she decided she would say anything if they'd just let her sleep, so she renounced her devil's ways and claimed it was just a momentary lapse of judgment. Reggie looked at her, and they seemed to share a thought.... just tell them what they want to hear... and confessed to the same. But their parents and the preacher were not fooled. They knew how willful children could be, and how devious was the Devil when it came to leading mortal man astray, especially the young. They decided to take steps to save the souls of their children. Plans were made, and Betty and Reggie were taken home to get a few hours of sleep.
By mid-afternoon all the plans were secretly solidified with their parents and the preacher. Their preacher told them about a school up-state that promised it could cure children of their homosexual feelings, and cast Satan out of them. That evening a truck was dispatched to their town from the compound. Reggie was picked up first, shouting at his parents, asking what was happening, as the two large men dragged him into the back of their truck. By the time they arrived at the ranch where Betty lived, the sedative was already working on Reggie, and she was caught unawares when her father let the two men come in during dinner and they stood on either side of her chair. She was scared but didn't feel terror until her mother, in tears, said, "This is what's best for you, sweetheart..." and the men took her by the arms and dragged her out of her home. She was screaming as she was pulled away, a confused and scared 17 year old girl from Oklahoma who made the mistake of loving the wrong person, screaming to her parents, she was sorry, she would change, and this time she actually meant it, but nothing she said deterred them. The last thing she saw before the doors of the truck slammed shut was her father comforting her crying mother.
Inside the truck she saw Reggie laid out on a stretcher, he seemed to be asleep, and Betty screamed again. One of the large men wrapped her in an irresistible bear hug, and the other quickly swabbed the inside of her elbow with a cool ball of cotton and then jabbed her with a needle. She tried to fight the man with the iron grip... but her head began to swim... and she thought that maybe.... maybe.... she should lie down.... and then she only knew blackness. The men laid her out in the stretcher opposite Reggie, one of them squeezed her breast, and smiled at the other, who grunted. The squeezer slammed on the paneled side of the truck to signal the driver, and it pulled away, toward the compound.
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It was light when Betty woke up, and she was confused, she didn't know where she was. She seemed to be in a very small room, only a foot longer than the cot she was lying on, and only wide enough for her to squeeze past a small dresser on the opposite wall. She swung her feet out of bed and onto the floor, and her head swam.... sedatives in the 1950's were not clean, and the one she had been given was known to cause a serious headache. She squinted until the pain passed, a little, and stood, steadying herself on the dresser. She then noticed she was wearing a tattered gown, cotton, hanging loose on her, and she felt a draft in the back... she looked behind herself as well as she could, and saw it was open and she was naked, underneath. She could not seem to find a way to close it up, so glancing at the window in the door... she saw no one... she quickly removed the gown and saw the ties, and then put the gown on backwards so she could close it up in front and tie it as much as she could, and hold the rest of it closed with her hands. She again crawled onto the bed, and curled up, staring at the door.
After an eternity she couldn't take it, she got up and turned the knob, and the door opened. She looked out and found a man on the opposite wall in a chair, she didn't recognize him as one of them men who'd taken her from her home, and he said, "Finally," stood and pushed a button on the wall next to her door, causing Betty to flinch back as he approached. The button set off a loud buzzer and spikes of pain ran through Betty's hung-over brain. "Wait in your room," he said, and walked away, stretching and flexing his back as he did so. Betty heard his joints crack. She tucked back into her room and again sat on her bed with her knees pulled up, trying to preserve her modesty.
Within two minutes her door opened again, and a man in a white cotton jacket, Betty would later learn he was the resident physician, opened her door and asked her to come with him. He didn't introduce himself, but Betty didn't know what else to do, so she followed, if hesitantly. He started walking down the hall, turning to her now and again as she fell behind, "Come on," he said once. "It isn't going to be any easier if you dawdle," he said the second time. They walked down the hall and turned the corner at a T-intersection, and Betty saw the door for the first time, the one that would, in time, haunt her dreams. It was wooden and stained dark to almost be black, and said, "Mother" in golden letters on the frosted glass pane. She followed the man in white inside.
"Stand before the desk," he said to her, and Betty looked around. Directly in front of the door was a large wooden desk, the largest desk Betty had ever seen. It was stained dark, like the door, and there was a manila folder on top of it. And behind that desk was a severe-looking woman in a strange hat that covered all of her hair, sitting, fingers tented before her, her stern gaze never wavering from Betty's face. Betty felt like a mouse being studied by a cat.
She stepped before the desk and tried to look anywhere except at The Woman... she now realized she was wearing a habit, like a nun, but this one was all gray, not white and black. She looked around the room, books lined the walls, Betty too nervous to read the spines. She concentrated on holding her gown closed and not looking at The Woman.
The severe woman stood, and Betty saw how tall she was. She walked slowly around the desk to stand before the scared young girl, Betty found it impossible to guess her age. She had a smooth face, but she looked so stern. The Woman was tall and seemed thin under her gray robes, but clearly had large breasts, as they were visible under her loose clothing... Betty had an insane instant when she thought of how Louise's breasts felt in her hands... when The Woman spoke, erasing that line of thought from her mind.
"Do you know why you're here?" The Woman asked her, neither loudly, nor softly, nor particularly kindly. It was asked like she knew she would be given the wrong answer, no matter what was said.
Betty started to open her mouth, then closed it. She had an idea, but she just shook her head.
"When you are asked a question by me you will state an answer immediately and then refer to me by my title, which is 'Mother.' One demerit. Do you understand?"
Betty was confused.... mother? Demerit, like in school? All this just because.... the older woman's eyes got large at her delay. "No, I don't know why I'm here..." and she almost forgot, but quickly answered, "...mother."
The tall woman's eyes narrowed. "You were slow to answer me, as if you had to take a moment to contemplate your lie. Two demerits."
The Woman began to walk around her, examining her from all angles, and seemed disgusted. "You are here, penitent," she began in a voice that would have been suited for a much larger room, "Because you have been found to be both a fornicator, and one who lies with the same. God decreed that man shall not lie with man, and you are a sinner."
Oh Lord, I can't believe this is happening.... Betty thought to herself, terrified.
"Sin is the work of Satan, and Satan does his work through demons, and we are going to purge you of your demons, here. It will not be pleasant. Satan is clever, much more so than man, and we will have to work hard with you, I think." She had walked completely around Betty now, and stopped in front of her. "You love God and the Holy Jesus, do you not?"
Betty didn't have to lie, of course she did. "Yes, mother."
"And you wish to be purged of your demons so you can again stand in God's light, do you not?"
Betty wasn't sure what that meant... make me not like girls? But she knew which way the wind was blowing. "Yes, I want that very much."
The older woman's eyes narrowed, and she asked her final question, "And do you want me to help you?"
Without hesitation, Betty answered, "Yes mother, I do."
The Woman turned away, walking back around her desk, and sat. "Very well. With God's grace we can help you, and you will leave here ready to settle down with a nice man and marry and have children and a normal life. It's what God wants for you." She paused. "But you didn't answer your second question with 'mother.' Three demerits. If any of our children get three demerits in one day, they visit the Room of Reflection. Carl, if you please."
Betty was confused... she didn't remember forgetting the word... and a Room... and Carl? Her head still hurt so badly.
The man in the white jacket opened the door, and the other man from the chair came in as if he had been waiting, and took her by the arm. She was marched down a different hallway, still trying to hold her gown closed, and they stopped in front of another door, this one metal, with a metal latch connected to a wheel in the middle. The man pulled it open and pushed her inside, roughly... there was no light, but Betty managed to see a concrete floor, dirty metal walls, and brown... something... everywhere. And it had a smell. And then the door slammed behind her and she heard the locking mechanism, and she was in total darkness, in pain, confused, terrified.
She wasn't fed or let out for three days, long after her screaming had stopped.
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Betty was delirious and thought she was dreaming when she heard the door's locking mechanism. She even thought she might be dead... she had decided at some point that she was definitely going to die in this small, windowless room. She was lying in her own filth, she tried to do her business in the corner but it seemed to run everywhere, anyway. She had no way of telling the days apart, but she had blessedly stopped feeling hunger, her stomach resigned to being empty. But now the door opened, and the light from outside stabbed her eyes. With a weak arm she protected herself from the light, and her blurry vision saw a silhouette of man with a surgical mask enter the room and lift her by her arms. "Oh gah," he exclaimed, "she's disgusting." Another man kicked a chair into the room, and she was placed on it. She needed the man's help to keep from falling back to the floor. He offered her a cup with a gloved hand, "Here, drink this." She couldn't focus her eyes on it, and when she tried to reach for it, she missed. "Oh for christ sake..." and he held it to her lips, and tilted the fluid into her mouth. She thought it was orange juice, the flavor exploded on her tongue, but after three days without food or water, her tongue swollen and her swallowing reflex wouldn't work, and most of it dribbled out of her mouth onto her soiled gown. "Jesus Christ..." the man said angrily... but the juice had loosened her throat, and her body.... resigned to death... decided to try for one last attempt at life, and she got some of the juice into her stomach. The man pulled the cup away after two good swallows, "Not so fast, you'll just sick it all up." The man in the hallway was watching his wrist watch as the other man held her up. Betty began to feel it, her stomach moved the fluid into her system quickly, the glucose giving her a quick boost of energy, her vision cleared, and she felt a sharp pang of hunger and thirst. She weakly reached for the glass, "Not yet," the man said, pulling it out of her reach. She tried to ask, "Please," but her voice was a croak.
"Ok, time," the man in the hallway said, who had just counted off five minutes. The man gave her the glass again, and she got three large swallows before he pulled it away again, and they waited another five minutes, after which time Betty was allowed to finish it. Her stomach almost revolted once, but it decided it needed the nutrients, and she kept it down.
After she finished, both men, wearing masks over their faces and latex gloves on their hands, pulled her up by her arms and walked her down the hall, and Mary found she was in some sort of bathroom, or shower room. There were many spigots on the walls and she was put into the corner. The Woman was there, Mother, who stood silently with the same stony look on her face. Betty saw her nod, and the men approached Betty and cut her gown off of her. Her eyes adjusting to the light Betty could see how filthy the gown was, and how filthy she must be.... she tried to cover herself, naked in front of so many people. And then a third man turned on a hose and she was sprayed down like an animal at the zoo, the water stung her skin, and was so cold. Betty tried to scream, the orange juice giving her that much strength, but when she did the man sprayed her in her face, and suddenly she was trying to not drown. When she would turn the man would spray her buttocks, the stinging water trying to penetrate her. Wherever she turned the water was waiting, his practiced aim knew right where to make it hurt the most. She was starting to wish to be returned to the Room of Reflection when finally the water stopped, and Betty was curled up in the corner, naked and weeping and half drowned.
The woman walked over to her, in the wet shower room, Betty saw the bottom of her robe getting wet.
"Do you remember your rules?" she asked softly.
"Yes mother," Betty said as well as she could.
The Woman stared at her, but Betty couldn't meet her gaze.
"Very well." Then to someone else in the room, "Get her some proper clothing, and feed her, then bring her to me." She began to walk away when she heard something come from the scared young girl's mouth. She stopped and turned back, "What was that?" she asked with an edge in her voice.
"I said thank you, mother," Betty repeated, louder this time.
The woman allowed herself a small smile, but it didn't make her look happy, not at all. She turned and left the shower room.
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The two men half-carried her back to her the small room she had woken up in, Betty too exhausted and scared to feel embarrassed about being naked in front of them. Betty had forgotten this room existed at all in the maddening solitary confinement of the Room of Reflection. She found clothes and under things on her bed, and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.... she quickly ate the sandwich naked, so powerful was her hunger, and then put the clothes on, one of the men watching her at all times.... leering, his eyes roaming. When she finally stepped into the thin slippers they had provided, he said, "Come on," roughly, and led her back to the dark, wooden door.
He knocked, heard The Woman say "Come" through the door, and they entered.
This time there was a chair before the desk, and The Woman, standing beside it, said, "Sit, child. Let us speak."
Betty walked softly to the chair, still feeling rubbery on her legs, and sat. The woman sat before her, one hip on her desk, and looked at her. "We got off on the wrong foot," she said to Betty, "That was unfortunate, don't you think?"
"Yes mother," Betty answered softly, looking at her hands folded in her lap.
The Woman nodded softly. "We are not here to harm you, we are here to help you. You must understand that."
Betty wasn't sure if that was a question, but answered it anyway, just to be safe. "Yes, mother."
The woman looked at her for a long moment, saying nothing. Finally she asked, "Do you know what a 'penitent' is, child?"
Betty did, she knew it from church. "One who seeks forgiveness from God."
The woman arched an eyebrow and Betty immediately knew her mistake, "...mother."
She gazed at her for another long moment. "You are correct, I will forgive your mistake. You will find that I am kind, for kindness is at the heart of God's works, don't you agree?"
Feeling she'd just dodged a bullet, she replied, "Yes, mother."
The Woman watched her, always seemed to be studying her. "From now on you will reply to the name 'Penitent,' as that is what you are. You are seeking forgiveness from God. Every day you will repent your sins. Every day you will recite your litany, which you will learn by heart. Do you know this word, 'litany?'"
Betty knew, but she didn't know how to define it, exactly..."Yes... mother, it's words we say in church... when we speak together to God. Or the preacher. Mother."
The Woman nodded. "That is correct, child. You will begin your lessons tomorrow, and the litany you will learn and speak every day. With my kind guidance, we will purge you of your sin and you can begin to enjoy a new life in God's mercy. Won't that be nice." It wasn't a question. Without another word she turned away and said, "Leave me," and the man in the white jacket was there and took her arm, and ushered her out of the room.
The man led her back down the hallway and around the corner to the room Betty was beginning to think of as her own, the one with the bed and dresser. "I had them put a bucket in the corner, for your night soil... you can empty it every morning, down the hall."
Betty saw it there, it didn't look very clean.
"You have more clothes in the dresser, when the doors unlock in the morning get dressed and wait outside your door, you will be taken to morning prayer. Morning comes early, get some sleep." He seemed nervous, he kept looking down the hall. A little lower he said, "Just do what they say... never resist... and you'll get out of here." He looked again down the hall. "Seriously, try to sleep, morning is going to come early and the days are long." He seemed to want to say something else, but just nodded to her and turned to leave.
"Wait..." Betty wanted to reach out to him, the only person here who had shown her the smallest bit of compassion. "What is this place?"
He looked at her, sadly. "The end of the world."
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Betty opened her eyes, still sitting in her car in the middle of nowhere, Florida. For a moment she was confused, I was just in Oklahoma... but shook the confusion out of her head, put the car into gear, and pulled back into the road. I can't.... do this right now.... It was getting dark, but she knew of a carryout near the apartment that would be open. She'd be able to buy more wine, there.
Copyright 2016: "Marissa Banks." Rights reserved. Not for reuse without express written consent of the author. All content is purely fictional; any similarities to actual persons or events is pure coincidence. Reader must be of legal age in the judicial area he/she resides. Reproductions of the fiction contained herein or linked from here may not be used in whole or in part without express permission from the author.