This morning I heard a comment on the radio about an old movie "Cat People"
and it reminded me of a dream I had as a teenager. I remember seeing the
modern version of "Cat People" starring Nastaja Kinsky, but I think they were
referring to an older version. I fell in lust with Nastaja after seeing her in
"Boarding School", a cheesy flick about three teens determined to lose their
virginity during the school year. Nasta was the only reason to watch it. In any
case, the picture of the cougar (north American mountain lion) is about the
dream, which occurred prior to my seeing "Cat People".
This was without a doubt the weirdest, most disjointed, and most vivid dream
I've ever had. When I woke up I wanted so bad to climb right back into it. Even
after all this time I can recall it in great detail.
In the dream I was standing in a basement with a sliding glass door that faced the
woods in back of the house. It was night. The light shining on the small patio
outside the door lit the immediate surroundings but blotted out the rest with
intense glare. I was tinkering with something when movement at the door caught
my eye. A beautiful young girl, tall and graceful, with long blonde hair had
walked up to the door and stood there looking at me. She was wearing a sheer
nightgown and I could not help but notice the light penetrating the fabric to
illuminate the contours of her otherwise naked body. I immediately felt a
connection to her. I did not recognize her but we were communicating
somehow. She needed my help. I became fearful. I could sense that her need
was great and that getting involved would be dangerous somehow. I glanced at
the lock on the door. Instantly she had sensed my apprehension and, without
judging me, smiled a sweet smile and slowly turned toward the woods. As she
floated into the gloom beyond the stark patio light, I regretted my cowardice.
She was beautiful. I was standing there - stunned. Immovable. As my dreaming
mind swam in the eroticism of her image, my attention was again distracted by
movement. Trees were moving against the glow of the moon somewhere rising.
No. I was moving - walking amid the trees. But why? Fear again seized me.
Surely she was nearby. I'm exposed. They - She - can see me but I have the
glare stuck in my mind - my eyes.
As panic threatened to spring me from my bed into wakefulness, I felt a soft
hand take mine and soft words whisper in my ear.
"Thank You". She said.
Turning me to face her she slid her arms around me and held me. Her head
pressed against my chest.
My senses reeled. Fear quickly subsided as my desire for this creature
consumed me. I lost a short struggle with myself to find out what her problem
was. I preferred to continue holding her forever. Of course she sensed my
desire, just like she sensed everything else. Embarrassment in the knowledge
that she knew where my desire had already taken me quickly evaporated as she
looked in my eyes. Without a word her look told me that she intended to fulfill
those desires, no, wait - she knew my desires would be fulfilled by her - not
intent, but more like destiny, or fate, or fact. She knew it and now so did I - but
not now.
The girl, the woods, and my mind... swirled away.
I was running. Fast. Recklessly fast. I was in pursuit of something up ahead.
Was it her? A light glow among the trees - shadows. It was the edge of the
woods up ahead. I was emerging from the dark onto a green field. People were
all about. Young people - and music. There's a party on the golf course in my
neighborhood. Why would they allow a party on the golf course? A stage with
amplifiers and everything. It makes no sense. They chase me off if I walk the
dog after hours.
But I'm gaining on my prey. I've never run so fast in my life, and tirelessly. It's a
kid on a dirt bike. Sounds like a 125cc Honda. Man, that asshole is tearing up
the greens. He's ruining it for everyone. They'll never allow a party here ever
again. But why did they?? He saw me! he's trying to lose me - faster. I smell the
exhaust and the noise is crackling in my ears. I spring into the air and with my left
hand took the kid by the neck to the ground. He's hurt - bleeding and terrified.
I seem to recognize him - something familiar.
Fear again began to seep into my psyche. Someone was yelling angrily. Were
they angry at me? She's calling me - where? I look up and see her standing at the
edge of the woods. She wants me to follow her. I realize this scene on the golf
course has nothing to do with her problem - but damn that kid on the
motorcycle really pissed me off.
Again the trees drift by overhead as I run down the forest path. Where is she?
Up ahead I answer to myself, knowing she was. Faster and faster I run.
My eyes penetrating the gloom easily now. The path twists and turns and I fly
on as if my head is mounted on an Indy 500 race car - just above the layer of
underbrush my vision skims along.
In my minds eye I become aware of certain realities (within my dream). I see
myself from above. A small dot moving along a snaking line - as if on a map. I
perceive that the girl is far away now - running much faster than I. But she
knows that. She needs to get things ready for me. Why? What?.... For being
so connected to her she sure can keep me from knowing certain things. The
map clarifies in my mind. There are boundaries of several forests that are
germane to this girl. They overlap. We are in different forests. How did she get
so far away? I want her with me NOW.
I run on into the morning, following the beacon in my head. Hours pass and still I
run - faster still than I ever have - times five. My thoughts drift in and out, near
and far, of her and of us, until she again stands in front of me. Still dressed the
same. Beautiful as if freshly bathed and ready for bed. Beside her is......
something. An animal. A large cat. A very large cat. It's bleeding - or maybe
it's dead. No, I can see it breathing. As I stand with her, bewildered as to what is
going on, she leads me away from the animal lying in the clearing. We are not
alone. I see others sitting or standing in the shadows at the edges of the
clearing... and mountain lions. Twenty or so people and animals emerge and
approach us. We are surrounded by these.... her friends? An angry face is
suddenly nose-to-nose with me. A strong looking and handsome man. I sense
he is jealous, but the girl sends him back into the circle with the others by a wave
of her hand. Who is this girl?
Finally I begin to get some answers. Her voice filled my mind and my senses:
"We are all that is left of a cursed people. Our line is that of the Cahokia
Indian Spirit Guides. The Medicine Men - spiritual leaders of countless
generations of Indians. The most powerful spirit is the mountain lion. It's nature
to balance that which is out of balance. The blood line of the true Indian is
broken and now the greatest spirit is emerging through lesser lines that were
formed long ago." I kept quiet. "We can sense when we are among our own.
Each time we commune there is a spiritual communion in our honor, and the
knowledge of this world and the spirit world is temporarily merged. It is time for
us to act and we are gathering tonight all that is left of the line. Unfortunately,"
she pointed toward the injured animal, "we sometimes forget our more civilized
nature and someone gets hurt." She gave a knowing look at the man who
confronted me. I looked over my shoulder and the injured animal was gone. A
man was there sitting, cradling his head between his knees. He was bleeding.
"What am I doing here?" I asked. Those eyes looked into mine. "Surely you
know by now. You are one of us - one of the blessed and the cursed. You are
here to join with me, with us, in our final days." With those words "join with me" I
took her hands and pulled her lips to mine. We kissed as if an ocean separating
soul lovers had suddenly dried up. I could feel her within my soul, mind, heart....
There was nothing hidden - we were connected in a way I could only dream
about. Thoughts, feelings, fears, were all shared in the span of a kiss and we
were in love with each other as only two people can be who share such depth of
intimacy and vulnerability.
Out of the corner of my eye a shadow rose. I stepped back from... her? what is
her name? The shadow was a jealous menace in the form of a large cougar and it
was aimed at my throat. Frozen in fear I tried to will some movement on my part
but foolishly I remained still. The instant that followed was a slow motion dream
turned nightmare. My lovely woodland fairy morphed into the largest mountain
lion I've ever seen. In the leaves under her leap fell a sheer nightgown. The two
collided in the air before me - The larger animal gripping the other's neck in her
jaws as they fell. The powerful jaws bore their fangs deep into the attackers
neck, constricting blood, air, nerves, life. For a short eternity she straddled her
jealous friend, squeezing the last dimness or spark that might have remained out
of existence.
She released him, looked up at me, and sprang out of the clearing.
Trees, animals, and consciousness swirled away like morning mists under a
warming sun. We were together. Why? How? In my dream I didn't care, because
it was the answer to a very earnest prayer. And like dreams often do, The
prayer created the reality. It was what I wanted - together and alone in the
forest. How did her nightgown find it's way back on her body? Similarly, I didn't
care or even notice the discrepancy. But what about this girl? What a
contradiction she is. The smallest and most timid human in the group morphs
into the hulk of all mountain lions. My love. As a young man, my judgment and
decision making is more likely to be skewed while receiving an eyeful of this
woodland nymph, lying among the ferns, whom I now know so intimately. My
senses helped as well. This girl loves me. She saved my life. As the mists again
began to alter the time and place of my dreaming consciousness, we made love. I
was weak, inept, and unassertive. She was willful and hungry. The mists swirled
as we drank each others passions. Darkness.

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