THE SHOWER
by cowgirl
The line between manipulation & mind control
blur as a youngwoman finds herself undermined
by her mother, and is bullied into buying a car
from a pushy salesman. (mf,rape,humil,nc,mc?)
milly hated buying a newcar ! the salesmen
always...
well...
condesending.
though smart, plain, but atractive at twenty five, milly
was nobody's push over ! at work she was a legal asst.
at a large downtown firm, and had fought for and had
won the respect of her superiours and peers.
but there was burried something inside her. something
she'd fought aginst all her life. a weakness. her mother
passed down, she was sure. it's not like she was actually
intimidated by male salesmen...
especially car salesmen.
she just tired of their onslought of dickering her down.
they just plain wore her out!
carshoping was always the same ! she'd enter the
dealership with a armed to the hilt with facts & figures
from consumer reports & blue books, and a clear idea of
what she wanted, then she'd wind up driving off the lot,
buying some lemon she hated, just because the salesmen
talked her into it !
she'd come home practly in tears,feeling totlly
humiliated by her own inability to stick-up to her
plan, which (of course) her mother had plenty of
opionions about...
once she even had a nigtmare the salesmen were
laughing & making her do things....lurid things ! the
dream disturbed her greatly ! it reminded her of the
feeling she got when her mom took over something,
(which she usualy did !!!) milly felt that warm feeling.
that cozy feeling of sinking in her own incompetence.
of regressing to a little girl.
she felt embarressed.
warm, excited.
stupid
and...
safe.
she pushed such distastfull thoughts away and
thought:
" well, THIS TIME will be different!"
" milly broadsky WON'T backdown from what
she wants ! "
no ! milly had a plan. this time she'd...
bring her mommy.
actually her mom brought her ! she felt a little
embarrassed having her mom drive her around to
different dealerships like this, but after her crying fit
over the last car she bought,her mom thought it best !
her brother eddie was supose to come to,but
had to work.
milly was tolerating her mom's company, and that
was a sign of how desperate she was for moral
support ! milly loved her mom, but hated her constant
criticizing and undermining of millie's confidence !
she was sure it was her mom's fault she was like this
in the FIRST place ! her mother always defered to
men, even her brother eddie, who they both knew was
an idiot ! as her mom picked her up, she started in...
" That's what your wearing?"her mother frowned.
milly was angry. she wore a mid thigh high skirt and a
tight sleeveless turtle necked sweate. no bra ,but her
nipples didn't show! It wasn't what her mom would
wear, but it wasn't sluty either !
" What's wrong with this?" milly defensively asked.
" Well...in my day, you wouldn't buy a car dressed all
dolled up like you're picking up sailors!" milly was
getting pissed, but bit her tongue, and quietly got in the
car. there it was again. the warm feeling. it was almost
erotic. little milly. momma's little screw-up.
" Mom, why are you driving in here? this is a yugo
dealership..."
"...I want a honda ! " milly tried not to squeek, as her
mom interrupted.
" Eddie said if your going to get an import, yugo is the
way to go! Besides, your judgment isnt always-"
" But moooom! i've done my homework on cars, and
i know what I want !"
" Well DEAR, clearly you DON'T, or you wouldn't
come crying to me & eddie after you make a mess of
things ! now do you want our help..." "...or not?"
" Yes ma'am" mily could see her mother would be no
help at all, and she would try to talk her into waiting in
the car, so as not to erode her position of authority with
the salesmen ! she WOULDN'T BE demeaned like this
in front of them !
A quick image of that horrible erotic dream shot
through her mind again, something about being
bent over a desk ! then she was pulled back by her
mothers voice.
" There's a girl ! i just wish you could accept that
it's ok for men to know things we girls don't need to!
Your reading some silly book can't stack up aginst
what a any man naturally knows about cars!" her
mother patronizingly droned on.
Milly wanted strangle her mother, but managed a
plastic grin instead,as always, avoiding the chance of
conflict! milly was pleasntly suprised when her mom
didn't argue to go in with her, agreeing to stay in the
car, but still managed to get in "just call in the cavelery
when you get over your head, and I'll bail you out! "
After that crack, there was no WAY she was gonna
admit to needing mom's help ! Milly walked away
quickly so her mother woudnt see her tears. but they
weren't of sadness,but of anger ! She used the brief
walk to the main salesbuilding to pull herself together!
She straightened her skirt, took a deep breath and
opened the door...
20 minutes later milly came up runing up pounding on
thewindow! her mother rolled it down noting her
daughters panic. A broad shouldered salesmanstod back
at the entrance was waiting for her. "where's the book?
where is it??"milly was already on all fours in the back
seat.
" What book honey?"
" The blue book! i thought i brought it with me! shoot!"
" Well,you should've memorized that before you went in,
silly !
" What are you bothering with that for any-"
" Mom !!!"
Milly looked back at the salesman who was starting to look
impaten t! she checked her anger & continued with mom. "
Mom, it has the value of my old car,which i wanna trade in
to knock down the price off this new one, but he doesn't
believe me when i told him it's bluebook worth-" "listen, its
all very complicated, so all you need to do is help me find-"
" He actually SAID he doesn't believe you ?" her mother
asked skepticlly.
" Well...he implied it !
And i'm going to look like a silly little idiot if i can't prove-"
" You already do, hon."
" Huh?" milly continued her search, sweating as the
salesman looked at his watch.
" Well look at you scampering around like a frightened
rabbit, justto prove him wrong ! " Your already jumping
through hoops to please him ! nothing you could say or do
now could convince him otherwise ! Looks like you could
use some help!" Her mother barely hiding her amusment.
Milly stopped searghing for the first time, catching her
mother's patronizing tone ! She was close to blowing up
and she spoke measuredly
" No !"
" I don't need your help ! look mom........i'm no longer a child.
" Now are you on my side or not?"
" I know i can handle this !"
" Like you've handeled it so far ?
Honey, that was a very dramatic speech, but the little girl
i raised wouldn't keep a man waiting with all this silly hen
talk of ours! now scamper off, and tell him your brother
said: he should have a blue book around somewhere, and if
he doesn't believe you, tell him you'll walk !"
" Yeah, that's good,but.........will he listen to me?" milly asked,
half thinking outloud.
" Of course not dear, you've already lost his respect by
ruminging around on all fours like a silly little idiot in your
sailor-skirt ! Milly pouted her lips, now more angry at herself
than her mother ! " Milly. its your only shot." A frowning
milly turned and headed back to the sales office.
Fourty minutes later milly was tapping on the car window.
close to tears. her hair was tosseled and the smell of fear was
all over her. sweating like a pig, milly looked pleadingly at
her mother,
who rolled down the window, but coldly looked away.
Their playing hardball mom, just like you said ! but i told
' em... isaid.... i.. "and what did they do?" her mother
asked, already knowing. milly looked at the ground, her
guts churning at the admission. "they.................busted up
laughing." Milly felt humiliation wash over her. her little
buissness skirt & jacket, all her cleaver plans & studies,
all washed away in one meeting. Running out for mom's
advice only made her look more child-like !!! She looked
back at the group of sales men who openly smirked at
her. She wanted to SPIT in their smug male faces.
But instead she smiled meekly at them & waved like the
little moma's girl she was now becoming... milly fought
back tears, determined not to give her mother those too.
but, though it KILLED her to admit, little milly needed her
big moma's help ! " Ok, mom. i.....need your help..."
" Oh, it's far too late for THAT dear !" Her mother said in
mock sympathy "now go in there..." her mother pointed
toward the learing sales men. "...and do what he says !"
you've forfited you right to be treated as an equel. now you
go appoligise for wasting his time & ask what you can do
to make things right."
Milly's last shred of self respect was SCREAMING for
her to RUN AWAY, right then & there !!! From her
mom, those bastard sales men, and a whole way of life
that told her she DESERVED to be treated like shit.
Milly even realised if she ever DID find someone who
would treated her like she had half a brain, sooner or
later she'd turn around and prove them wrong too !!!! her
mom was right, just WHO did she think she was,
comming in and wasting this important salesman's time
with her silly little... little.... milly stopped, and wanted
to throw-up at the pudding her mind had turned into,
just like her mom's. But she swallowed, staightened
up, forced a plastic smile across her face and duitfully
walked back into the den full hungry sales men, pacing
like lions befors feeding time.
Two hours later, milly emerged. her hair was matted to
her face with sweat. her eyes looked cold and defeated,
but she still sported her plastic smile. her clothes were
rumpeled and looked a mess too.
She didn't tell, and her mommy didn't want to know...
" Well, it's over." Milly sighed to her mom. "I got the yugo."
" Eddie DID say it was the best..." Her mother's voice trailed
off as she noticed...
...a crumpeled & gooy little kleenex...
..plop from her daughters skirt onto her shoe. More stuff
dripped down her legs as milly kicked it off her shoe.
Ignoring the sticky smudge it left, milly quickly tried to
get into her car, but her mom stopped her.
" Honey, this isn't your car anymore, right? " her mother
looked uncomfortable .
" Uh...no. but-"
" Well you don't want to ruin the seats then, DO you ?"
Her mom said, staring at the floor, red faced.
Milly behind her and saw the stain on the underside of her
skirt. looking down, milly sadly noded. she felt like a human
turd. She just wanted to die. she was hoping mom would just
ignore it...
" Why don't you give me the keys, and i'll drive it around
back, and you go walk around to the front and pick your
new car up."
Sure, she thought. don't wanna stain my old car, now that
THEY own it, but mommy could give a crap if i stain my
OWN BRAND NEW CAR!!! the humiliated daughter,
handed the keys to her mommy, feeling totallt regressed
now. she tried to keep her legs together, but still managed
to drop in little drops.
Leaving a trail behind milly. all the way to the front of
the car lot.
Her mom met her at the exit, the new yugo gleaming a ugly
puke green at her. the service boy tried to hand milly the
keys, but she embarressed pointed at her mother. " Will you
drive me, mommy?" She whinned like a toodeler.
" Why honey?" her mother asked, pleased but puzzeled.
Milley looked down, refusing to answer. it just seemed
better. Staining the passengers side first. plus she was
begining to doubt her own instincts in the smalest of tasks.
" Well, honey, if you think it's best." her mother slid into
the drivers seat motioning for milly to get in, like a small
child that needed proding!
The service boy sneared at a woman milly's age acting so
childish, and stared puzzeled at the small trail which
followed behind her as milly got in the passengers side.
her mother smiled at her little girl's dependence on her.
As they drove off the lot, milly wanted to tell her mommy
something to fight this embaressing percaption she had let be
created in her mommy's mind, let alone her OWN !!! MAYBE
THEN MOMMY WOULDN'T BLAME HER.
She wanted to tell her mother EVERYTHING...
about how the salesman listened carfully to her ultimatum.
about how he wrote something down on a piece of paper.
and slid it over to her.
she hoped it might be a lower offer.
that's what she hoped...
When she read it she got very quiet. Something in milly
Was bitterly angry. She clentched her car keys so hard
her hand started to turn purple.
But just as the paper said... milly reached down and pulled
Out her licence. and she tearfully cut it with siccors into
little pieces.
she was angry all right. but it was SELF anger. the anger of
someone who'd FINALLY figured-out what she was. And
always would be...
a sucker.
a loser.
mommie's stupid little girl.
she picked up her destroyed licence and made for the rest
room...but the salesman closed the door and told her to "NO,
do it right here" She slumped back into her chair, hoping for
SOME way out... she looked down, hating how this strang man
and her mom knew more about herself than SHE did ! but he
wasn't just a stranger.
he was an adult.she was the little idiot girl.
unlike her, HE had rights.
she'd lost those by wasting his time.
momma had said so.
she crushed the license in her sweating hand. "WHY?" her
mind screamed !!! "AM I A TOTALY IDIOTIC LITTLE
WHIMP ???" her anger turned to numbness as milly lifted
her skirt. milly felt that warm feeling again. that cozy warm
feeling of sinking in her own incompetence. of regressing
before his eyes. she felt embarressed.
excited.
stupid...
...and wet.
fighting a quivering lower lip, milly the little dumb-shit
!!! she pulled her undies down and akwardly stuffed her
ripped-up licence where the sun don't shine...
just like the nice salesman said too !
she then got down on her knees...
and crawled over to the smiling salesman. as she
reached for his belt buckle, he told her how lame it was
she'd even driven over on her own.
"a cunt like her."
"...with shit for brains."
he asked her to repeate it.
she did.
feeling angry and excited for her lack of will. milly
asked if he liked her skirt, and told him her mommy
called it her "little sailor skirt" cause it was soooo short
she could take a fleet !!!!! She babbeled, as he busied
her lips with other chores.
she felt so compleate, wallowing in being pathetic.
naked.
inferior.
unlovable.
accepted.
milly...
....momma's little dumbshit.
after a few more more loads on her knees, and a
ten minute warming of her buttox over his lap, she
politely encourged him to enter her as she read
over her service agreement out loud, apologizing
for causing such a silly little fuss !!!
milly eyes were in tears, having spilled out the humiliating
tale to her own mommy. she wanted to curl up and DIE. her
mommy just looked down in silence. milly felt one last
burst of injustice and anger !!! "mom, arn't you gonna
FUCKING do something???"
silence.
" we should call the police..." milly half heartedly
as they drove away into the night.
" sure honey, first thing tomarrow, but for now my
girls all tuckered out ! just rest a while."
" you look like you could use a shower, huh?"
milly realised what a shower would wash away. the first
thing after an assult, that was what you were NOT to do.
her mom knew that. she did.
milly's anger at her mother's cruel betral, was smothered in
more self-loathing. besides, it WAS all her fault, right?
milly summoned every last ounce of streangth she had, in
order to tell her her mother to drive straight to the nearest
police station and report
her rape.
" yup. when i drop you back home, a nice warm shower's
just what you need." her mother cut her off.
milly knew if she went back to her empty apparment, she
couldn't face what just happened to her. her mother could
pretend a shower could wash it all away.
but could she?
the image was still to fresh. what she'd done to herself. what
she'd let that man do.
and what she'd asked him to do...
she knew her mommy would balk, but she WOULD turn
the car around. her mom WOULD drive her to the
station. would wait as she got tested with a semen
sample. all milly had to do was ask. take control of her
life with just a few simple words. she felt numb. no
amount of water could wash away the humiliation of
not fighting back. of giving up...even on herself. she
wondered why? why was she her mother's daughter?
"mom...."
milly stared quietly out the passengers side of her window.
"a shower sounds good."
you can reach me, jennifer (aka cowgirl) at:
cowgirl_stupid@excite.com
thanks :)