Consanguinity

By MichaelD38

Copyright © 1999

I.

I was twenty-one, and I had just survived what I hoped would be my next to last year at Harvard. It was the first day of June, just after Memorial Day weekend. I had been back from school for about a week, a week spent largely at one season-ending festivity or another. Mom and Dad had just left for a two-month spin through Europe, leaving Carolyn and me behind for the summer at the house in Newport. It was a summer that would mark me for the rest of my life.

I woke up that Wednesday morning with only a mild hangover, having been out drinking the night before with a few of my Harvard buddies. My room looked out across the broad back lawn of our house, the grass running right up to the water. The ocean was calm, and from what I could tell, it was shaping up to be a decent day. Though I had put my sailboat back in the water as soon as I had arrived in Newport, I hadn't taken her out since coming back, the weather not having cooperated. I figured today was the day to do it.

Below the window, I saw Carolyn and her roommate Shelby lying on their sunbeds next to the pool. The two of them had just finished their junior year at Choate Rosemary, and Shelby had come back with Carolyn from school. She was staying with us for some undetermined period of time. She was new money--her father was one of those obscenely successful Wall Street arbitrageurs--but that didn't matter as much as it used to.

I pulled on some shorts and a sweatshirt and descended to the kitchen. With our parents gone for the summer, most of the staff was gone too, but they had left us with a couple of maids. One of them, a middle-aged woman named Kathy, appeared shortly after I started poking around the refrigerator.

"Can I get you something, Will?"

"Just toast and some fruit. I think I'm going sailing this morning."

"Do you want to eat by the pool?"

"Sure."

I went through the French doors in the breakfast area and walked out to where Carolyn and Shelby were lying on their stomachs. Both of them looked over as I approached. Shelby tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder and smiled slightly.

"Hi, Will."

"Hey."

Carolyn retied her bikini top and sat up.

"Going sailing?"

"I think so."

"Cool. Can we come?"

"If you want. I'm going to take her out for a few hours."

Shelby had continued smiling at me, but finally looked away when I met her gaze. I hadn't talked to her too much since she and Carolyn showed up last week, but I was thinking she might have some potential. She was blonde-haired and blue-eyed, and if I didn't miss my guess (based on her fair skin and a light dusting of gray freckles across her nose), it was all natural, too. She, like Carolyn, was about 5'8" with a smooth, athletic build.

Carolyn saw me appraising her friend and gave me a sly smile. Kathy thereupon appeared with my breakfast. I took it from her and wolfed down a slice of toast.

"How do you like Harvard, Will?" Shelby asked.

"It sucks."

They laughed.

"Why?"

"Everything is so politicized. Can't open your mouth about anything without someone complaining about it."

"What are you studying?"

"English. I don't know what I'll do with it, if anything."

"Oh. That's cool. I don't know what I want to major in when I get to college."

She shaded her eyes and looked across the lawn to where my boat was tied to the dock. It was a Danish X-95 that Dad had gotten me for my birthday a few years back. I'd since stripped it down and loaded it up with electronics for racing.

"That's a pretty boat."

"Thanks. You ever been sailing before?"

"No. I've been on boats but not a sailboat."

"Don't worry about it. Carolyn and I can handle the sailing."

Shelby continued to ply me with questions as I ate. When I finished, the two girls went upstairs to change while I went across the back lawn to the dock. I spent a few minutes checking the fittings and the general condition of the boat before getting the sails out of the boathouse. I laid them out on the lawn and inspected them. Once I was satisfied that they had survived the winter well enough, I bagged them back up and loaded them into the forward hold.

I was sliding the mainsail into the boom when Carolyn and Shelby reappeared. Carolyn hopped up on deck and helped me with it, but Shelby stood back a few feet. I saw her looking curiously at the name on the stern, then back at me.

"What can I do?"

"Just wait until we get this in."

Once the main was in place, I clipped the main halyard to the head and fed it into the mast as Carolyn winched it up. Shelby finally climbed aboard and sat where I told her to in the cockpit. As I started up the engine and took the tiller, Carolyn went up on the foredeck and cast off the lines. Shelby scooted a little closer to me as the boat began to move.

"I guess you guys have done this a lot."

"Yeah. Every summer just about."

"That's neat. I love the ocean."

I nodded to her as I watched Carolyn fitting the headsail into place up front. She had kept on her bikini and just put some shorts on over it. I hadn't seen her dressed in so little since last summer, and it was enough to awaken some unbrotherly interest in my head. She had developed into a very good-looking young woman over the last few years, with long chestnut hair and hazel eyes. I knew she wasn't a virgin-- she had shared the details of her defloration with me almost as soon as it occurred two years before--and I couldn't help but wonder what she had been up to lately.

"Could you get my back?"

Shelby had been putting on another layer of suntan lotion, and when I extended my hand, she squirted some into it. Keeping the other hand on the tiller, I massaged the lotion into her back, resisting the urge to pull the knot out of her bikini top.

"Thanks."

Seeing that Carolyn was ready on the foredeck, I reached forward and wrapped the jib halyard around a winch.

"Take in this line as I crank it up."

Shelby took the end of the line, and I winched up the headsail as Carolyn guided it into place up front. Once I tied it off, Carolyn came back into the cockpit and pulled in the jib sheet.

"Got it?" I asked.

"Yep."

I shut off the engine and turned us up into the wind. As the boat heeled over, Shelby squeaked in surprise, and I had to pull her up out of the cockpit. She giggled and held onto my arm longer than she needed to. Carolyn tied off the sheet and climbed up in front of her.

We had a nice breeze, but the water was still relatively smooth. I took us out a couple of miles before turning around and reaching back toward the shore. Shelby stayed next to me, leaning against the railing and giving me an occasional smile.

"How you doing?"

"Great. This is fun."

"Not getting seasick?"

"No. I'm okay."

Carolyn looked back to me.

"You thinking of racing this weekend?"

"Maybe. I have to find a few more bodies first. I might call Steve and Phillip."

"You guys race?" Shelby asked.

"Sometimes. Depends on if I'm in the mood."

"I know I don't know anything about sailing, but I'd love to come along if it's okay."

"Sure."

"Thanks."

"I can show you the basics before then."

"Wow. That would be cool."

"Wanna steer?"

"Can I? What do I do?"

"Come back here."

She climbed aft and sat behind me. I kept my hand on the tiller as she took it gingerly.

"It works kind of in reverse. Pulling the tiller one way turns the boat the other. Watch."

We were on a starboard tack, and I pulled the tiller toward me, showing her how we turned slightly to port.

"I think I see."

I pointed to the wind indicator dial on the bulkhead in front of us.

"Try to keep the needle between the rabbit ears. You feel how the boat rides more smoothly when it's in that groove?"

Brimming with nervous excitement, she looked back and forth between me, the dial, and the bow.

"I think so."

"Okay. You're on."

I let go of the tiller and slid back against the railing. Shelby stayed where she was, trying not to move the tiller too much. It took her a few minutes to get used to it, but after that she began to settle down.

Carolyn grinned at me.

"I'm in shock."

"Why?"

"Captain Ahab is letting a girl steer his precious boat?"

I returned the grin.

"Looks like it."

After we had been out about two hours, I was feeling hungry again. I took the tiller from Shelby, who was still beaming from the experience, and pointed the boat toward home.

"How did I do?"

"Pretty good. Not bad for your first time."

"You want to go into town and get something to eat?" Carolyn asked.

I finished tying the mainsail down before answering her.

"Nah. I thought I'd just hang around the house today."

"I wanted to go shopping or something. But no big deal."

Once the boat was secure, we headed back toward the pool. I went into the pool house and put on some trunks before diving in and rinsing off the salt and sweat from our sail. I swam over to the edge where Shelby was hanging her feet in the water.

"That was fun."

"I go out a few times a week in the summer."

"You're in good shape. Do you work out?"

"Crew. I row pairs and fours."

"Oh. Have you done it a long time?"

"Since high school. I've got a shelf of NEIRA trophies in the house somewhere."

"NEIRA?"

"New England Interscholastic Rowing Association."

"Oh. That's cool."

Carolyn reappeared from the house and gave me a sly look as she approached.

I continued talking with them through lunch. When we were done eating, Shelby went into the house to use the bathroom. Carolyn watched until she was gone, then turned to me.

"What do you think?"

"She's cute."

She grinned.

"She thinks you're the hottest thing on earth."

"I noticed."

"I knew you'd like her. I can make myself scarce this afternoon if you want."

I laughed.

"Don't worry about it."

II.

We spent a few hours lying around the pool. Around three, Carolyn professed to be sleepy and went inside to take a nap. I went up to my room, and, with little else to do, Shelby came with me.

She looked around for a moment or two before leaning against the French doors that led out to the balcony.

"You've got a nice view."

"Yeah. Your folks don't have a place up here?"

"Nope. Just our place on Central Park and a house in Palm Beach. But my dad has been talking about getting something up here. Or maybe in the Hamptons. They can't decide."

She brushed her hair back over her head nervously. I smiled at her for a few seconds until she looked away from me. I sat down on the couch by my TV set, and a moment or two later she left the window and sat down at the opposite end.

"How long are you going to be here?"

She shrugged.

"I don't know. It is it okay, my staying with Carolyn?"

"Sure. It's not like we don't have the room."

She laughed, still nervous.

"This place is pretty big. But my folks don't really care. I think my mom prefers having me out of the house."

"New York sucks in the summer anyway."

"Yeah. I like it up here."

I put my arm out and slid a bit closer to her. I could see her eyes lighting up a little as I did. She lay back against the couch and put her head on her arm. I reached out and took one of her fingers in my hand, examining it. She let me, though I could see a flush growing on her chest.

"You don't do anything with your nails."

She pulled her hand back self-consciously, looking at them.

"Oh. No. Not really."

"That's cool. I'm not into that artificial look. Bleached blondes turn me off."

She looked back up at me, smiling.

"How do you know I don't lighten my hair?"

"I can tell. Your eyebrows kind of give it away. I like it."

She played with her hair nervously.

"Thanks."

I reached out toward her, running my fingers through her blonde locks. She let me, but I could tell she was still very tense.

"Nervous?"

She shrugged.

"I'm okay."

"You're thinking about Carolyn."

"Yeah."

"Don't worry about her. She won't care. I think she could tell what was going on anyway."

She smiled now, and I leaned forward and kissed her. She put her hand over my arm as I put my hand on her waist. She had a towel wrapped around her midsection, and for now, I kept my hand on it.

I kissed her slowly, playing with her hair with my other hand. She relaxed after the first minute or so, though she remained pretty passive. We kissed back and forth for a long time before I started to move my hand upwards. I waited for her reaction when I held it below her breast, but she made no move to stop me. I felt up with my thumb, getting it between her breasts, then against one of them. Nothing happened, so I moved up and cupped her breast in my hand.

Her bikini top was dry now, so I could get a warm handful of her instead of something damp. I caressed her for a few moments, tweaking her nipple through the fabric until it erected. I worked it between my thumb and forefinger a few times.

She leaned back, pressing her forehead against the bridge of my nose.

"You okay?"

She nodded and took a breath.

"I can't believe this is happening."

"What do you mean?"

She giggled.

"Oh, God. This will sound so stupid. Carolyn had your picture in our room. A bunch of them. When I saw them the first time, I thought you were so cute. I wanted to meet you so badly. It was sort of why I wanted to come stay with her this summer."

I laughed softly.

"That's cool."

"You're not upset?"

"No. Why would I be?"

"I don't know." She giggled again. "Kiss me some more."

So I did, and I continued playing with her breasts. When I reached around to untie her top, though, she stopped me.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"I really like you, but can we not go too fast?"

"Don't worry about it."

We kissed for a few more minutes before I lay back against the couch, and she laid her head on my chest. I held her for a little while, then we got up and went looking for Carolyn.

Kathy made dinner at six, and afterward we retired to the den to watch television. Shelby seemed a little awkward around Carolyn now, but Carolyn pretended to ignore it. Around ten, she again professed to be tired and went to bed, leaving us alone together.

"You guys are pretty close," she said when Carolyn was gone.

"Yeah."

"That's cool. My older brother can be such a jerk sometimes."

"Where is he now?"

"Stanford. He's three years older than me."

"Carolyn and I never really went through the sibling rivalry stage. We've always been really good friends."

"I know. She talks about you a lot at school. So I felt like I knew you before we even met."

I took her hand, and she moved closer to me on the couch. Neither of us said anything, and I just looked into her eyes. She laid her head on my arm and looked up at me.

"You know what's weird?" she asked.

"What?"

"I don't feel like I have to talk all the time with you, you know, just to fill the space. I feel good just sitting here with you."

"Me too."

"I've never dated a college guy before. I guess maybe that's part of it. The guys my age are such geeks."

I put my hand on her cheek and slid it through her hair. She held my gaze for a few seconds before looking down at the couch. She took my hand and squeezed it.

"You don't think Carolyn will care about this?"

"No. Trust me. Like you said, we're really close. I think she knows already."

She looked up at me now, and I kissed her. This time, she moved herself closer to me, and held me more tightly. I kissed her lips, her face, her neck, her ears, nibbling on her until she giggled and shivered in my arms. She had changed into a yellow T-shirt for dinner, and when I slipped my hand up the back of it to unsnap her bra, she didn't stop me. I played with her breasts under her T-shirt for a long time, getting her nipples stiff and swollen. Her breasts were silky soft and firm. I wanted to pull her shirt up to get a look at them, but figured that would have to wait.

After we had been making out for about twenty minutes, I pulled back, kissing her nose.

"Enough for tonight, maybe?"

She nodded, not looking up at me.

"Yeah. Thanks for being so nice and not pushing me."

"Let's go to bed. I'll see you tomorrow."

She followed me upstairs. She was staying in the guestroom next to Carolyn, across the hall from me. I kissed her good night a few times, then went to bed.

I woke up early the next morning and went down to the kitchen. Kathy whipped me up some eggs and toast, and I sat in the breakfast area reading the paper. Carolyn appeared about ten minutes later. She took the seat next to me. She glanced once at Kathy, making sure she was out of earshot.

"Well?"

"Second base," I said quietly, not looking up.

Her eyes widened a little, and she giggled.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. I'm surprised. She must really like you. She's usually pretty shy around guys."

"You're okay with this?"

"Sure. I think it's great. I was actually kind of hoping it would happen."

III.

For the next few days, the three of us did little but lounge around the pool or go sailing. I spent one morning giving Shelby a crash course in sailing basics, mainly the names of the different parts of the boat and what might go on during a race. She wasn't going to be much help, but I satisfied myself that she at least would not be a problem.

Saturday morning we went racing. Two friends of mine from the crew team at Harvard, Steve and Phillip, showed up around eight, and the five of us sailed around the point to the starting area. We were in the second PHRF class, which would be starting third. The wind was light, as it usually was off Newport, so I had Carolyn set the big headsail. She would be working the foredeck--her usual spot--while Steve and Phillip worked the cockpit, and I took the helm. Shelby was basically ballast, though she would be assisting as best she could.

When the second group started, we began jockeying for position. There were five other boats in our class, all of them with higher ratings, so I wasn't holding too many illusions about winning. We had a good chance of finishing first, though.

With a minute to go before the start, we got caught between two of the other boats, and the wind shadow dropped us back a couple of boat lengths. It looked as if we were off to a bad start when the wind started to shift. The boats in front of us were suddenly getting lifted over the starting line and had to fall off. I turned us up above them, missing the stern of the second boat by about five feet. That put us into clear air just as the gun went off, and we shot over the line ahead of the other boats. Carolyn let out a whoop, pumping her fist at the boats behind us.

Shelby looked back at me, not sure what Carolyn was so stoked about.

"What happened?"

"Wind shift. We got lucky. Now we're upwind of the other boats."

"Oh. That's good, right?"

"Yeah."

With that start, we led the whole first leg, rounding the mark about five boat lengths ahead of the boat behind us. The second leg was a reach up to the far pin, and with the wind holding, we only lengthened our lead. Shelby seemed to be having a good time, even if she had no idea what was going on.

"We're winning, right?"

"We're leading. To win, we have to beat the other boats by a certain time. Remember what I explained about the ratings?"

"Sort of. It's a handicap?"

"Basically. The higher the rating, the slower the boat."

I patted her on the shoulder, and she smiled at me. She had a baseball cap on, and her blonde hair was hanging out through the back in a ponytail. I resisted the urge to play with it, since we were in the middle of a race.

She pulled her knees up to her chest, glancing once up to the foredeck.

"I've been meaning to ask you something," she said.

"Shoot."

"Why did you name the boat after Carolyn?"

I looked up at my sister, who was staring out at the sea.

"It's a sailor thing. You name boats after the important women in your life. When I got her, that was Carolyn. Still is."

She smiled.

"That's sweet."

Carolyn crawled back toward us.

"Which spinnaker do you want to use? The Harvard one, right?"

"Right."

She disappeared into the cabin, and I nudged Shelby.

"Go with her. Let her explain what she's doing."

She slid down into the cockpit and followed Carolyn. About a minute later, Carolyn emerged from the forward hatch with the spinnaker. Shelby crawled out after her and crouched on the foredeck. She watched as Carolyn clipped the spinnaker to the bow and attached the spinnaker pole to the mast. I could see Carolyn talking to her, but they were too far away to hear anything.

Carolyn glanced back toward me when she was done, and seeing me watching them, grinned and nudged Shelby. I waved to them, and they came back toward the cockpit. Carolyn stayed forward by the cabin, but Shelby returned to her spot next to me.

"Should I do anything?"

"You're just going to need to stay out of the way, sorry. If we don't do this right, we can get the spinnaker wrapped around the headstay or the mast."

"It's okay. I'll stay here."

As we got to the second mark, Carolyn crawled up onto the foredeck to take down the headsail while Steve and Phillip prepared to hoist the spinnaker. I grabbed the spinnaker sheet with my free hand, then handed it to Shelby.

"Hold onto this until we get around the mark."

She took it into both hands.

"Okay."

As we rounded the mark, Steve and Phillip brought up the spinnaker, then dropped the headsail. Shelby held onto the sheet until Steve took it from her. Carolyn wadded up the jib on the foredeck and then crawled back to the cockpit.

I looked starboard to where the other boats were still approaching the mark. I took us out a ways to prevent any of them from shadowing us. We got a good lead on them, and soon settled into a smooth downwind run.

I noticed Shelby staring up at the spinnaker, which was crimson with two white bars across it.

"Harvard colors."

She looked over at me, smiling.

"I thought so."

"Want to steer?"

Her eyes bulged a little.

"Are you sure?"

"We're just going straight downwind. You should be able to handle it."

"Okay."

She scooted back next to me and took the helm. I held onto it until she seemed to have the idea. Carolyn gave me another look from where she was adjusting the spinnaker pole in the cockpit, then turned around and leaned against the bulkhead, facing aft.

"Anybody hungry? You guys want to eat?"

"Sure," Steve said. "What have we got?"

"Sandwiches. Turkey and swiss or roast beef and cheddar."

The rest of the crew put in their orders, and Carolyn went below for the food. A moment later, I saw her motioning for me to come below. I got up from where I sat next to Shelby and went to her.

"What's up?"

She grinned at me as she stacked up the sandwiches and sodas.

"You're letting her steer during a race?"

"She's learning fast."

"We've been talking a lot about you. She was asking all about your other girlfriends."

"What did you tell her?"

"Just the basics. She's worried about whether she can measure up. She doesn't have a lot of experience with guys."

"I kind of get that idea."

Her eyes twinkled, and she glanced back at Shelby.

"I maybe shouldn't tell you this, but she's a virgin."

"You can stop now."

She giggled.

"Are you embarrassed?"

"It's a little soon to worry about that."

Another grin.

"That's what you think."

I patted her on the shoulder and took a handful of food.

"Enough."

I climbed up into the cockpit and passed out the sandwiches. Carolyn emerged after me with the drinks.

I checked the position of the boat, and saw that Shelby had kept us on course. I returned to my place next to her.

"How you doing?"

"Good. I think I'm getting the hang of it."

I let her steer as we ate, then took the tiller back as we approached the next mark. As the rest of them took their positions, I sent Shelby up into the forward hold to pull the spinnaker below as Carolyn pulled it down.

The wind began to die as we got closer, and by the time we rounded the mark, we were under five knots. I sent us out across the course in search of wind, but nothing appeared.

The fourth leg took us a good half-hour, during which several of the boats behind us closed in. When we rounded the last mark and hoisted the spinnaker again, our lead had shrunk to about five boat lengths.

Shelby noticed the scowl on my face.

"What's wrong?"

"We need to beat that boat behind us by about forty-five seconds. We're not going to make it unless something happens."

"Oh. What can we do?"

"Find some wind."

Carolyn stood up against the mast and looked around.

"Will, I think there's something going on out there."

She pointed across the course where I could see some boats in another class moving more briskly.

"It's a risk. That's a long way."

"We're going to lose otherwise."

"Okay. Let's do it."

I tacked us around and watched behind us to see if the other boats would try to cover. None of them did. We drifted for about ten minutes, getting further apart.

"Doesn't look too good," Steve said.

"Nope."

Grinning, Shelby stood up against the railing and flapped her arms to generate some wind. Carolyn laughed, but then, as if Shelby had indeed done something, the wind began to pick up.

Shelby giggled.

"Hey--"

I smiled at her.

"Good work."

We were soon into a good reach toward the finish line, and as I watched to port, I could see that the shift had not extended toward the rest of our class. Shelby got more and more excited as we neared the committee boat, especially once it became clear that we were a long way ahead.

"Are we winning?"

"Looks like it."

She hugged me briefly, then turned around to watch the boats behind us. Carolyn got out her stopwatch and punched it as the finish gun went off.

Shelby jumped at the noise.

"What was that?"

"It means we finished first in our class."

I turned us off the wind and Carolyn quickly dropped the spinnaker.

"How long?"

"Thirty seconds now."

I grinned. The next boat was a good twenty lengths from the line.

"Forty," she said a few moments later. "Forty-five. That's it."

Shelby squealed.

"Did we win?"

"Yep."

She jumped over and hugged me tightly. Steve and Phillip high- fived each other, then Carolyn. When Shelby let go of me, I did the same. Then we packed up and headed for the yacht club.

IV.

"I can't believe we won."

Shelby was still bouncing around in excitement after we tied up at the dock.

"You're not a bad good luck charm."

I kissed her on the forehead, and she hugged me.

"Do we get a trophy?"

"A dinky little plaque for winning the class. We might get a cup if we finished high enough overall."

"How do we know?"

"The Race Committee will post the results inside."

We would be sailing back to the house, so we didn't bother buttoning everything up at the yacht club. Carolyn went ahead to check the results, and Shelby went with her. Steve, Phillip, and I were approaching the clubhouse when Shelby came bouncing out toward us.

"We're third! We're third!"

She jumped into my arms and kissed me as Steve and Phillip laughed. Carolyn came up behind her.

"Not bad for a virgin."

The rest of them laughed, but Shelby's face dropped, and she looked at Carolyn in mild shock. Carolyn just laughed again.

"The race, dweeb, I'm talking about the race."

"Oh."

She laughed nervously, and I winked at her. She seemed to relax a little, though she kept her arm around my waist.

I led them all into the clubhouse and bought a round of drinks. We sat waiting for the Race Committee to show up, which they finally did about twenty minutes later. Shelby got all excited again when they passed out the awards, and cheered loudly when I collected our cup for finishing third overall. After that, we went back to the boat and sailed home.

I felt like celebrating after that, so I had Kathy go out and get us some steaks that I could grill out back for dinner. Steve and Phillip sat by the pool flirting with Carolyn while Shelby stood with me by the grill.

"I was talking with my Mom last night. She wants me to come back to New York for a few days next week."

"When?"

"I was thinking Monday."

"But you're coming back?"

She didn't answer me right away.

"Actually . . . I was kind of thinking you guys could come with me."

"Is your mom okay with that?"

"I didn't ask her."

"Well ask her."

"Do you want to?"

"Sure. Just for a few days, right?"

"Yeah. Thursday or Friday at the latest."

"Okay. I don't want to miss the race next weekend."

She smiled and leaned against me.

"Cool. Thanks."

Dinner lasted well into the evening, but Steve and Phillip finally left around nine. The three of us watched TV for about an hour before Carolyn went upstairs. Shelby and I then made out on the couch for a few minutes before she stopped me.

"Could . . . could we go upstairs?"

"Upstairs?"

"Your room."

I realized then what she was getting at.

"Sure. Come on."

I stood, taking her hand, and led her upstairs. I shut the door, and she stood nervously in the middle of room, hands in front of her. I went to her and kissed her a few times. She put her hands on my waist and leaned against me.

"I had a great time today," she said.

"So did I."

"I really like being with you."

"Me too."

She lifted her head and kissed me again, and I held her in my arms. We stood together kissing for a minute before she stopped again.

"Will?"

"Hmm?"

She was quiet a few moments, and I could feel her heart beating in her chest.

"I want to do this . . . but I've never done it before. Just so you know."

"It's okay."

"Thanks."

I led her to the bed, and she lay down beside me. I spent a few moments looking into her blue eyes and playing with her hair. She snuggled with me, giggling nervously.

"What?"

"Nothing. I'll tell you later."

I went back to kissing her and slowly began to undress her. I took her blouse off first and spent a few minutes kissing and caressing her shoulders. I slid her bra straps down, then peeled the cups off her breasts a ways, though not far enough to expose her nipples. I kissed around them, then took off her bra. I hadn't seen her nipples before now, and I slid down to examine them. They were light pink, scarcely darker than the surrounding flesh, and I watched as they stiffened and contracted under my fingers. Shelby just lay there and let me play with her, still nervous but happy. I was soon kissing and nursing her breasts, and she held my head in her hands.

A few moments later, she pulled my shirt over my head and curled into my arms to kiss me. When I began unbuttoning her shorts, she did the same with mine, sliding them down just after I took off hers. I regarded her smooth form next to me for a moment or two, caressing her waist and hips with my left hand.

"This is nice," she said.

"Yeah."

"Thank you for taking it so slowly."

"I want you to enjoy it."

"I am."

I kissed her again and a few minutes later slid down her panties. She lifted up her hips to help me get them off, then pulled off my boxers.

"Can we get under the covers?"

"Yeah. In fact, hold on a second."

We sat up, and Shelby slipped under the sheet. I got off the bed and went into my bathroom for a second. When I came back in, she was watching me from the pillow.

"What was that?"

"Just some protection."

I set the condoms on the nightstand and slipped into bed with her.

"Oh. Thanks. I didn't think of that."

I took her in my arms and began caressing her. I kissed my way down her neck, then to her breasts, rolling her on her back. When I began moving further south, I could feel her tensing up, but she didn't stop me. I kissed my way down her abdomen, finally settling between her thighs.

Her pubic hair was relatively thin, and I opened her up with my thumbs before closing in. I heard a sharp intake of breath when I first slipped my tongue into her, and her hands slid down to grip mine. I licked around her slowly, letting her find a rhythm she liked. As she began to warm up and lubricate, I worked on her more directly. Her clitoris swelled to meet my touch, and I took it between my lips. She let out a quiet squeak, and her back arched as I did it. I worked my tongue against her like that for a few moments, then withdrew.

I kept it easy at first, watching for the telltale movement of her hips. When she started to rise with me, I sped up, running the tip of my tongue around and around, occasionally moving down to gather up the honey that was now oozing out of her. I dared to slip one finger inside her, very gently, until I found her virginity. She gasped as I did, tensing up.

Her abdomen was beginning to twitch now, and I prepared to finish her off, speeding up my attack. She squeaked again, moaning through her clenched teeth.

"Oh Will, oh God."

About ten or fifteen seconds later, her hands clamped down onto mine, and a long, convulsive shiver ran through her body. I kept up my assault past the end of her climax, and she didn't stop me. Her body remained rigid though, and soon she began to squeak again, jerking with each exclamation. About a minute after her first orgasm, she came again, stronger now, shuddering under me, crying out. She pushed me off as it peaked, holding my head tightly between her hands, quivering for about five or ten seconds. Then she let go of me and melted back into the bed. I climbed up next to her, and she curled into my arms.

It was a minute or so before she stirred again.

"Wow," she said softly.

"That was fun."

She giggled.

"Yeah."

She began trying to return the favor now, kissing me, around my neck and chest, while feeling for my erection with her hand. I felt her exploring me, feeling around, squeezing it. After she had felt me for a moment or two, she giggled nervously.

"What?"

"This will sound so stupid. I feel like such a virgin."

"It's okay. I understand. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. It's just . . . you're bigger than I expected. I mean, I don't have anything to compare it to, I just didn't think they were this big."

"It's quite average, trust me. It should fit fine."

"Okay. I'm sorry."

I kissed her again for a few moments, and she kept playing with me. Then she slowly moved under the covers, sliding down until her head was lying on my abdomen. She paused for a second, and then I felt her taking me into her mouth. She gagged slightly at first, but soon settled down. I lay back and let her do what she wanted, which wasn't much. She moved up and down slowly, working her tongue against me. A minute or so into it, she repositioned herself to get a better angle on me, and things improved after that. I finally pulled her off after about five minutes.

She lay on her back next to me while I got a condom from the nightstand. I rolled above her, stopping to kiss her a few times.

"Are you ready?"

She nodded, putting her hands on my hips. I positioned myself with one hand, finding her wetness, and moved forward.

Even for a virgin, she was a tight fit. When I felt her hymen separating, she squirmed a little, but opened herself up as I slipped into her. She moaned as I bottomed out, whimpering and biting at my shoulder. I worked myself against her slowly, pushing upward until I had a good angle against her sensitive spots. She lay quietly on her back and let me make love to her, doing little more than kiss me and dig her nails into my side.

I held myself off, wanting to make sure she enjoyed it. She began to move her legs against me, sliding them up and down. I kissed her neck and ears, making her giggle. I tried to pay attention to her reactions, the sounds she made, the way she moved with me. Even so, her climax came as a surprise, a sudden squeak and convulsion under me. She arched her back, gasping for breath. The sight and feel of it were enough to dissolve my control, and I let loose the brakes, riding with her until I finally joined her in orgasm.

I caught my breath for a few moments and rolled off of her. She curled under my arm, nuzzling me. As the glow began to subside, I looked down at her, playing with her eyebrows and feeling her nose. She looked up at me, smiling, but said nothing. She didn't need to.

I had only known her two weeks, but that was when I first realized I was falling in love with her.

V.

I woke up to Shelby snuggling against me. I took her in my arms, and she put her head on my chest, smiling at me.

"Good morning, sleepyhead."

"Good morning."

I ran my hands through her hair a few times, pulling out the tangles. She smiled and closed her eyes.

"Do you know what I was giggling about last night, before we started?"

"Not unless you tell me."

"I will. But you have to please promise not to take this the wrong way. It will sound so cold and awful, and it's not how it turned out."

"Okay."

She sighed and laid her head back down on me.

"This was just what I was fantasizing about doing when Carolyn and I were talking about my coming here. Meeting you and hanging out with you and . . . and losing my virginity with you."

I put my hand on her cheek, grinning.

"Really."

"I know that sounds so calculated, but it didn't happen like that at all. I didn't plan it like this, even if I was thinking about it. I didn't do this just because I wanted to have sex finally. I really like you. Please don't be mad at me."

"I'm not."

She forced a smile.

"Okay. But that's why I was laughing. Because I couldn't believe it was actually happening after all the fantasizing I had done."

I could resist laughing softly myself.

"I bet."

"But, you see, the thing is you're not the Will I fantasized about. I imagined you as being smoother and kind of stuck-up, you know, someone I could just sleep with and get it over with. But you aren't like that at all. I didn't expect you to be so nice to me. I didn't expect to like you this much."

I hugged her.

"I hope that's not bad."

She laughed.

"No. Not at all."

The hugging and giggling soon turned into something more serious, and Shelby was soon straddling me and rubbing herself against my erection as I kissed her and played with her breasts. I paused briefly to grab the last condom from my nightstand, but once that was taken care of, she swallowed me inside her and leaned back, gasping as I filled her up. She put her hands on her head, rolling herself back and forth. I reached up to fondle her breasts, tweaking and twisting her nipples, feeling the firm weight of her. I looked her up and down, from the face contorted in lust to the blonde pubic mound split apart on my erection. She settled down even further, trying to force the last bit of me into herself.

"You lied to me," she moaned.

"What do you mean?"

"You can't be average . . . you feel so good in me . . . so big inside me."

"Do you like it?"

"God, yes."

She threw herself forward, grabbing my head and kissing me passionately. I thrust up at her, and she rode me roughly, groaning and grunting until she finally shuddered into orgasm. She paused long enough to catch her breath and rolled over, pulling me onto her.

"Now you," she moaned. "Come in me. Please come in me."

I drove myself into her, riding between her thighs, feeling her tight heat around me, thinking of nothing else but that. It took only a minute or two, but she still came with me when I groaned and spasmed inside her. She held me tightly, her hands opening and closely slowly on my back as we coasted down together.

Shelby left for her room a bit later, not quite ready to descend to breakfast beside me. I didn't care for now. I put on my shorts and walked out to the balcony, looking out over the water. Carolyn was down by the pool already, and she looked up at me. Even as far away as she was, I could still see--or at least imagine--the wry and knowing grin on her face. I waved to her and thought I could see her laughing.

I turned back to the room, intending to get dressed and go downstairs. Then something on the balcony deck caught my eye.

The morning dew had formed around a cluster of footprints outside the French doors. I examined them more closely and realized they led across the balcony to the other set of doors that opened from the guestroom next to mine. As I followed the trail, I saw that one of the doors was just slightly ajar. I knelt down and inspected one of the footprints. A women's size eight, it looked like. Only one other person in the house wore size eight shoes, and it wasn't either of our two remaining maids.

I heard the shower in Shelby's room when I went out into the hall, so I figured I knew where she was. I went down to the pool and found Carolyn sunning herself. I took the sunbed next to her and lay back.

"So?" she said a moment later.

"So?"

"How was it?"

"How was what?"

"The race yesterday. Duh. What do you think I mean?"

I waited a second or two.

"I thought you were asking if I slept with Shelby."

"Well, did you?"

"I never laid a hand on her."

She laughed.

"So what was all that moaning and groaning I heard last night?"

"Kathy came up for a nightcap."

She laughed again, harder, then reached over and punched me in the arm.

"Geek. Tell me."

"You want the highlights or the play-by-play?"

"The play-by-play."

I opened my eyes and looked around for Shelby. I saw Kathy in the kitchen, but there was no sign of my new girlfriend.

"You're sick."

She punched me again.

"I bet you couldn't even get it up."

I laughed.

"Yeah, that's what happened."

"Come on. Please?"

"Twice last night and once again this morning."

"Did she get off?"

"Repeatedly."

She grinned.

"I thought so."

I glanced at her once, then looked back at the house.

"We weren't that goddamned loud."

She put her arms around herself and moaned breathlessly.

"Oh Will, oh God."

I laughed, in spite of myself.

Shelby appeared a few minutes later, and after giving her a kiss on the cheek, I went inside to get something to eat. I watched from the kitchen as the two of them talked and giggled at each other. I gave them about five minutes and then returned to the pool.

"I called my Mom," Shelby said.

"And?"

"She says it's fine if you guys want to come down with me tomorrow. She wants to meet you."

"Cool. Let's do it then."

Although we talked about doing something in town, we ended up just sitting around the house and the pool all day. After dinner, we packed for the trip to New York, and Shelby and Carolyn talked about what they wanted to do. Most of it centered around shopping and eating.

Around ten or so, Shelby and I drifted out across the lawn and ended up sitting together on the end of the dock. The night was cool and clear, and I watched the lights of the ships sailing in and out of Narragansett Bay. Shelby just leaned against me, putting her head on my shoulder.

"I hope my Mom likes you."

"I'll do my best."

"She's always been kind of weird about my boyfriends. I can never tell who she's going to like."

"Will the age difference be an issue?"

"I don't know. Probably not. We're not that far apart."

She leaned back on her elbows and shook out her hair behind her. The moon was just bright enough to illuminate her face and the lovely curves of her body. I leaned back with her, and she laid down flat on the dock looking up at me.

"Do you think she'll be able to tell?"

She smiled.

"That I'm not a virgin anymore? I don't know."

I kissed her for a moment or two.

"Would she care?"

"No. I don't think so. But I don't think I could talk about it with her."

"That's too bad."

"Yeah. It's great how you and Carolyn are so close. I wish I was better friends with my family."

I grinned.

"Were you and Carolyn talking about last night?"

She smiled again.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"I won't ask."

She pulled me down and we kissed for a few minutes.

"We did talk about it a little," she said a few minutes later. "I can't believe how normal she's being about it."

"That's just how it is with us."

"Yeah. I don't know how I'd feel if she was seeing my brother. I sure couldn't talk about him having sex with her. Even if she's my best friend."

"How did you guys get together? I don't think she ever told me."

"We knew each other last year. She just asked if I wanted to room together, and I figured we would get along. Which we really did."

She grinned.

"You never saw our room, did you?"

"No."

"She had a lot of pictures of you, like I said. At first, I thought you were her boyfriend. She told me a lot about you, you know, Will this, Will that. It took me a while to work up the guts to ask if you had a girlfriend."

I smiled at her.

"I do now."

We went back to kissing for a while, and she let me slip my hand up her top. After I opened her bra and played with her breasts for a few minutes, she pulled back.

"Have you ever done it out here?"

I laughed.

"On the dock? No."

"Wanna?"

"I don't have any condoms on me."

"We could play around a little."

"I'd rather take you inside and play around a lot."

She giggled.

"Okay."

We got to our feet and slipped back into the house. Most of the lights were off, and I saw no sign of Carolyn. Shelby came straight into my arms as soon as the door was shut, and we backed up toward the bed, kissing and pulling each other's clothes off.

Ninety-five percent of my attention was on Shelby. But after we began making love, I glanced occasionally toward the doors to the balcony. The lights in my room were off, and the moon was shining onto the back of the house. We were not too far into it when I saw a dark form moving across the balcony, its shadow playing across the sheer drapes of my windows. It crouched down against the French doors and stayed there until we were finished.

VI.

We piled into my Cherokee the next morning and drove down I-95 to New York. Shelby and her family lived way up above the Park, in a place with a gorgeous view of the lake. Their apartment took up two of the top floors of the building and looked like it had been redecorated in the last year, this time in some funky Asian motif. New money, as I said before, and a lot of it.

Shelby's mother met us in one of the living rooms, descending the marble staircase from the upper floor in a Chanel pantsuit. She looked like Shelby might look in a few years, were she heavily layered with makeup and hairspray.

"Hello, people."

"Mom, you remember Carolyn?"

"Of course."

She gave my sister a peck on the cheek and turned to me, extending a hand adorned with several expensive rocks.

"This must be Will. I'm Amanda Shepherd."

I shook the proffered hand

"Nice to meet you."

"And you. Shelby didn't tell me you were this delicious. But I guess she got to you first."

She laughed and touched my arm. I glanced at Shelby, who was giving her mother a discreet glare.

"Are you in the mood for lunch? I thought we could eat out on the balcony."

"Sure," Shelby said.

She led us past the kitchen, leaning in to call to one of their servants.

"Rachel? Be a dear and bring the lunch out to the balcony."

"Yes, Mrs. Shepherd."

Amanda waved her hand at us as she walked out the balcony.

"Oh. I've asked Rachel to call me Amanda a hundred times, but she just won't do it. I try not to be too stuffy."

I stole a glance at Carolyn, who returned the look with a smirk. Had any of our servants dared address our mother by her first name, she would have been out on the curb within the hour.

The balcony was broad, set out with cushioned wrought iron furniture. Amanda directed us to the main table, and I sat down between Carolyn and Shelby. Shelby's hand slipped into mine just out of sight of her mother. When Rebecca appeared with the food, Amanda turned to help her set up. Shelby leaned over and whispered to me.

"My mom is a little over the top. I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

Lunch turned out to be lox and cucumber sandwiches, with a light pasta salad on the side. Rebecca poured us all iced tea, then withdrew.

"So, Will," Amanda said, "I hear you're at Harvard."

"That's right. One more year, hopefully."

"What are you studying?"

"English. I might go into publishing afterward, but I don't know."

'Oh, I'm sure you hardly need to work. Shelby has been telling me all about your family."

I saw Shelby blushing in embarrassment, and I squeezed her hand.

"Mom . . ."

Amanda laughed and waved her hand again.

"Oh, I'm only teasing, honey. I'm sure Will can do whatever he pleases." She turned to me. "Shelby's brother John is at Stanford, as she may have told you."

"She did."

"He got into Harvard himself, but he wanted to go out to California, I guess. You might have met him if he had gone to Harvard. He's the same age as you."

"So I heard."

Amanda paused to take a bite of her sandwich.

"Carolyn, you're looking as cute as ever."

"Thank you."

"Shelby told me you two wanted to go shopping. I thought the three of us could make it an afternoon. As long as Will doesn't mind us girls running off together."

I saw the grimaces on Carolyn and Shelby's faces, but there wasn't much I could do to save them.

"It's all right," I said. "I know some people I can meet up with."

"It's settled then. As soon as we're done, I'll have Raul bring the car around."

Amanda subjected us to another half-hour of her tactless chatter before announcing that it was time to go shopping. The three of them packed up and got into Amanda's limo, leaving me behind.

Rather than call someone I knew to get together, I walked over to the Park to the Boat Pond. I found a spot on a bench and sat down to watch the model sailboats drifting back and forth.

I kept thinking about the night before, seeing that figure watching Shelby and me making love. Carolyn, obviously. I knew her well enough to recognize her silhouette against the window. She had crouched against the door for nearly an hour, not leaving until it was clear we were finished. And she had apparently done the same thing the first night, if the footprints on my balcony were any indication.

Curiosity? Maybe. But Carolyn was hardly inexperienced. I knew that because she would often tell me about her sexual exploits when we talked on the phone during the school year and wheedle me about mine the way she had yesterday morning. I hadn't seen anything wrong with that--we shared just about every other detail of our lives--but this was something else. I supposed it might have something to do with Shelby, wanting to see what her best friend was doing.

I didn't know what to say to Carolyn, if anything. Maybe if I just ignored it, she wouldn't do it again.

The women returned around five, carrying half a dozen shopping bags with them. Amanda swept into the house, in the middle of some long monologue.

"--so of course Donald cut her loose, what else could he have done? You know the papers just savaged him when it happened--"

She saw me and broke off whatever she was talking about.

"Will, there you are, you weren't too bored while we were out shopping were you?"

She came up and gave me a hug and a quick peck on the cheek.

"I just went over to the Park."

"You didn't have too much fun without us, did you?"

She laughed, not waiting for an answer.

"We had a grand time, and Shelby bought you something."

Shelby squawked in surprise, but her mother waved it off.

"Honey, I'm not going to tell him what it is." She looked back to me and put her hand on my shoulder. "I'll let her show you, it's just darling."

She kept going out of the room, calling for one of their servants. Shelby glared after her, then looked back at me, frowning in disappointment. I kissed her on the forehead, and she leaned against me.

"God," she muttered.

Carolyn came next to us, grinning.

"You missed quite an afternoon."

"So I gather."

"Do you know she knows Donald Trump? She hardly shut up about him the whole time."

"Was that what she was talking about when you guys got back?"

"Yeah."

"Bitch," Shelby said. I hugged her.

"Show me what you got."

She glanced in the direction her mother had disappeared.

"Let's go back to my room."

She pulled away from me and led us back toward her bedroom, which was covered top to bottom in new Laura Ashley decor. The bed was queen-sized, four-postered, and sat behind a little sitting area with a sofa and two wingback chairs. Shelby shut the door behind us, and we sat down.

"I can take this back if you don't like it. Carolyn wasn't sure if you would."

I glanced at my sister, but couldn't quite read the look on her face.

"Go ahead."

She reached into a big Emporio Armani bag and pulled out a cotton v-neck sweater. It was cream-colored with a narrow red stripe around the neck hole.

"I thought it would be good for sailing, or crew."

"I love it. It's nice."

I pulled it on over my polo shirt and adjusted the sleeves.

"Does it fit?"

"Yep. Perfect. Thanks."

She smiled, and I leaned forward and kissed her. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something unpleasant in Carolyn's face, but it vanished an instant later.

Amanda hosted another gossip-filled meal at dinnertime, but finally released us around nine. Shelby's father was in London for some impending billion-dollar deal ("I don't understand any of it," Amanda said, "but it's going to involve scads of money."), so we probably wouldn't get to meet him this time. They put Carolyn and me up in the guestrooms in Shelby's end of the house, and we finally went to bed around eleven.

I had been in bed about fifteen minutes when I heard the door squeak open. A second later, Shelby was squirming into bed with me, giggling. I took her in my arms and kissed her a few times.

"What are you doing?"

"I couldn't resist having you just across the hall."

I snuggled with her for a few moments, but then she was sliding out of bed, pulling me with her.

"Now what?"

"Come over to my room."

"What about your mother?"

"She takes a sleeping pill when she goes to bed. She'll be dead to the world until seven a.m."

Moving as quietly as possible, we tiptoed across the hall and into Shelby's room. There was just enough light to illuminate her bed, the posts draped with gauzy fabric. She pulled me into it and sat back on her feet.

"Don't you love this bed?"

"It's nice. Romantic."

"Yeah. You can't imagine all the times I've thought about having sex in it."

She giggled and pulled off her nightshirt. She was naked underneath it. I looked her over for a few moments, glowing hair, smooth skin, framed by the bedposts behind her. All of a sudden, everything around us fell away, and all I could see was her. So beautiful. I reached out and put my hand on her cheek. She put her hand over mine and closed her eyes.

"Oh, God . . ."

"What?"

She breathed heavily through her nose for a second or two, and I could see a flush spreading over her body.

"I . . . I shouldn't say this. It's too soon."

"Shelby."

"What?"

"I don't know what Carolyn has told you about me. The other girls I've dated."

"A little."

"I've never really been in a serious relationship. I don't mean the sex. I mean emotionally serious."

"I thought you dated someone for like two years."

"I did. But it was a really shallow relationship. You remember Phillip, the guy who raced with us?"

"Yeah."

"She was his cousin. All it was about was who our families were. Her father is some famous doctor up in Boston. One of those Mayflower families, you know? I never really cared about her, and I know she didn't care much about me."

I paused for a second, staring into her eyes. She was right. This was pretty damned soon to be saying this, but I suddenly didn't care.

"What I'm saying is that I feel more for you after two weeks than I ever did for her. I don't know where this going, but where ever it is, I want to go there with you."

Her eyes started to water, and she took my hands, squeezing them tightly.

"I think . . . I think I love you, Will."

I put my arms around her, and she hugged me tightly. Then we began kissing furiously, groping at each other. We lay back on the bed, and Shelby pulled the sheets up over us. I felt all over her firm body, playing with her breasts, her thighs, her buttocks, slipping a finger inside her. She gnawed at my neck, moaning softly. She let me descend to suckle her breasts for a minute or two, but when I tried to go further, she stopped and pulled me up on top of her. I felt her reaching between us for my erection, trying to guide it into her.

"Wait. I don't have any condoms in here."

"I don't care. Make love to me, please make love to me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Please."

My lust overrode my good sense, and I let her pull me into her. She was already wet and ready for me, and I soon lost myself in the act. She held me close to her, kissing me, thrusting herself up at me as I rode between her thighs. She was soon whimpering under me, biting at my shoulder, and I could tell it was going to be over much too soon.

I rolled over on my side, pulling her on top of me. She pulled her knees up and straddled me, spreading herself out. The sheets fell back around her. Her hands went to claws on my shoulders as she dug herself down against me. I pulled her breasts up to my mouth, suckling her as she rode me inexpertly. She was still new to all of this, and I tried to help her, guide her movements in ways I thought she would enjoy. Soon she found an angle she liked, and with me still sucking on her nipples, she squeaked and shuddered in orgasm within a few minutes. Then she lowered herself to my chest, laying her head against mine.

I held her close, feeling myself inside her. She rolled over a moment later, pulling me back above her. I was near to the end myself, and it took but a minute or two before I squirted off helplessly inside her.

"Shelby?"

She snuggled against me.

"Hmm."

"You aren't going to get pregnant, are you?"

"I don't think so. I think it's the wrong time of the month. It's too late."

"Neither of us needs that, okay? This was important, but so is that."

"I know. I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself."

I hugged her.

"It's okay."

I held her for a long time, smelling the scent of her hair and her body. The glow of our lovemaking persisted for a while, and I thought about what we had said to each other beforehand. We had crossed a line, one I had never crossed before. The whole two years I had dated Melissa, not once had either of us said "I love you"--because we wouldn't have meant it. The only woman I had ever really loved up to now was Carolyn.

Things were probably about to change.

VII.

We spent the week in New York, letting Amanda chauffeur us around and show us the sights, though Carolyn and I had been to the City a million times before. Though Shelby stayed glued to me the whole time- -if her mother noticed, or even cared, I couldn't really tell-- Carolyn's mood grew progressively more sour. She never did or said anything overtly negative, and her displeasure was subtle enough that neither Shelby nor Amanda seemed to pick up on it. But I could. I knew her well enough to know what she was thinking.

We drove back to Newport on Friday, and I managed to corner Carolyn in the kitchen that afternoon while Shelby was asleep in the sun by the pool.

"All right, what's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"Come on. You can fool Shelby, but you can't fool me."

She frowned and glanced out through the window.

"It's nothing."

I grabbed her arm and pulled her into a hug, though she squirmed against me.

"You're not actually jealous of her, are you?"

She grinned, though I could tell she was trying not to.

"Eat me."

"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

She squirmed again.

"What if I did?"

I grabbed her head and gave her a noogie. She giggled, trying to get free.

"Whatever is going on between me and her, you're still number one, okay? Don't be stupid. None of that is going to change."

"Okay."

She hugged me.

"I love you, Will."

"I love you, too."

She let go of me and brushed her hair back away from her face. She looked away from me nervously.

"Just tell me something," I said.

"What?"

"The whole two years I was with Melissa, you never acted like this. What gives?"

She shrugged.

"You didn't love Melissa."

"I've been with Shelby for less than three weeks."

"I can tell. I can see it in how you look at each other."

"And that bothers you?"

"I don't know. Maybe a little."

"It shouldn't. It has nothing to do with how I feel about you. You have a piece of me no one will ever touch. You know that, right?"

She nodded.

"Okay. So don't let this thing with Shelby bug you."

She hugged me again.

"I'll try. I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

For a couple of weeks, things seemed to settle down. I still occasionally caught Carolyn giving me looks when I was with Shelby, but she behaved otherwise. We went racing every weekend, and Shelby really threw herself into it. I wouldn't go so far as to call her a natural at it, but she learned quickly enough. I didn't want to displace Carolyn from her spot on the foredeck, so I trained Shelby to work in the cockpit.

We decided to have a big Fourth of July party, and invited most of the people we knew from New York, Newport, and Boston. We had enough people staying with us that Shelby suggested that she move into my room, "just for the weekend." She had been spending enough time there that it made little difference to me. I don't think I could say the same thing about Carolyn, though.

The caterers arrived early that day, and the three of us spent the morning directing traffic. I had decided on a mixture of lobster and crab, boiled and grilled, with a big layout of the usual Fourth of July accompaniments, and that meant a lot of work setting up the lobster tank and the grill. The band got there about three, and by the time other guests started arriving at four, we were ready to roll.

"All right. So picture this," Phillip was saying, "my grandfather is introducing me to the Dean of the Medical School. And first thing he says is, 'Your uncle is Richard Macintosh, isn't he?' I go, 'Yes, sir.' Then he says, 'Well I hope you're planning to do more than just shrink heads!'"

"Oh, my God," I said.

"I know."

Shelby glanced at me, confused.

"His uncle is a big shot psychiatrist in Boston."

"Oh."

"Melissa's father. I told you about that, remember?"

"Yeah."

"Anyway," Phillip went on, "I could tell he was trying to be funny, but my grandfather's jaw just dropped, and no one said anything for about five seconds. The whole interview was fucked. We never got back on the right foot."

"Damn."

"I know. But the truth is, I think I'd rather go to Johns Hopkins anyway."

"Yeah."

"Whatever happened to Melissa?" Carolyn asked.

Phillip glanced at me quickly.

"She's at Wesleyan. I haven't talked to her in a while."

"You think she's okay?"

I kicked Carolyn's foot, hoping no one saw. She just glanced at me and stifled a smile.

"Yeah, I guess so. Like I said, I haven't talked to her in months."

I turned to Shelby.

"You want another drink?"

"Sure. I'll go with you."

We left Carolyn and Phillip, and Shelby's hand slipped into mine as we walked to the bar. She was wearing a light yellow sundress, and she looked so good I would have dragged her off into the bushes were it not for the sour look on her face.

"Is it just me, or is Carolyn being weird?"

"She's being weird."

"Is it because of me?"

"I don't know. Don't worry about it."

"I've just been getting the feeling that she's jealous."

I sighed.

"You have to understand that nobody has ever challenged her place with me the way you have. I told you how dry my thing with Melissa was."

"But I'm not challenging her."

"Not intentionally. She's just not used to sharing my attention, that's all. She'll get used to it."

I kissed her, and she put her arms around my waist.

"Take me upstairs. Make it better."

I laughed softly.

"We're hosting a party here."

"I don't care. I want you."

"Okay, hold on."

Checking to see if anyone was paying attention, I led her inside. We had to work our way through another clump of guests in the kitchen, but we managed to slip upstairs without being seen. When we got to my room, she opened the doors to the balcony, letting in the lights and noise and music of the party below.

"What are you doing?"

"Being daring. Let's do it right here on the floor."

She pulled me down to the carpet right in front of the French doors, and we began groping at each other. We didn't bother taking off much of our clothes, and she pulled me into her almost as soon as I had her panties off. It was quick and rough, but that seemed to be what she wanted. She came with a grunt, clawing at my butt, and I joined her a moment later.

"Tell me you love me," she gasped.

"I love you."

"I love you so much. Oh, God, I do."

We returned to the party, and if anyone had noticed our disappearance, I couldn't tell. I danced with Carolyn, then Shelby, then a few of the other female guests. Toward ten, once the fireworks were over, people began to leave. I worked my way around the house making the necessary good-byes. Eventually everyone was gone but the overnight guests, and the rest of us decided to take a dip in the Jacuzzi. Carolyn had been flirting with Phillip all night, but her intentions didn't really register on my radar screen until she appeared in a skimpy string bikini and settled down into the water right next to him.

She saw the disbelief in my face and smiled, scooting closer to him. He seemed a little drunk and just put his arm around her. They had known each other for years--Phillip had been my roommate freshman year at Harvard--but she had never shown any interest in him until now.

Shelby was next to me and followed my stare. She leaned over and whispered to me.

"What the hell?"

"I don't know. Just ignore her."

There were seven of us in the Jacuzzi, so I tried to ignore Carolyn and just talk to our other guests. We were passing around a bottle of champagne, and after we had been in the water about fifteen minutes, I began to notice that every time the bottle came near Carolyn, she would pass it to Phillip, and he would take a swig.

Finally, he polished it off. Carolyn looked over at me innocently.

"Will, we've got some more champagne, don't we?"

I didn't answer her right away.

"Yeah. There are few more bottles behind the bar."

Phillip climbed up out of the water.

"I'll go get it."

I climbed out myself and went after him. When we got to the bar, he pulled the next to last bottle out of the ice.

"Will, man," he said laughing. "I think Carolyn is coming on to me."

"I noticed."

"What's up with that shit?"

"I don't know."

"Do you care?"

"No. But just so you know, I think it may not have anything to do with you. She's been kind of weird about Shelby."

He glanced back toward the pool.

"No shit? Huh. Well, I'll try to behave, man."

"Thanks."

We went back to the pool, and I ignored the searching look in Carolyn's eyes. Shelby leaned over to me when I settled in.

"I'm tired. I want to go to bed."

"Okay. Me too."

I leaned back and hopped up on the edge of the Jacuzzi.

"I think we're going to call it a night, folks. Have fun."

"Later, man," Phillip said. Carolyn scowled slightly but said nothing. The rest of the guests waved us off, and we went inside.

"Will?"

We were in bed together, having just undressed and lied down to cuddle.

"Hmm?"

"Did you notice Carolyn and Phillip?"

"Yeah."

"This is getting too weird for me."

"I'm thinking it might help if we went off together somewhere."

She twisted around from where she had been spooning with me.

"Just the two of us?"

"Yeah."

"Where?"

"You ever been out to Block Island?"

"No."

"It's nice this time of year. We could take the ferry over, get a room at a bed and breakfast for a couple of days, just have some fun."

She smiled.

"That would be nice. You don't think everything will be booked, though?"

"Not in the middle of the week."

"Okay."

She kissed me and nuzzled my face.

"I love you. Please tell me this will be all right."

"It will. I told you, just give her time to get used to it."

VIII.

I found Phillip in the breakfast room the next morning. I knew right away, from the sheepish look on his face, what had happened.

"Hey."

"Uh, hey. I think I had a little too much to drink last night."

I didn't meet his gaze.

"Don't worry about it."

I got some coffee, and I was blowing on it to cool it off when Carolyn breezed into the room in a long robe.

"Good morning," she said brightly. She went over to kiss Phillip on the cheek, glancing at me once to see if I was watching. He looked at me as if he wanted to be a million miles away. Carolyn poured herself a bowl of cereal and sat down, not looking at either of us. Phillip stood up.

"Uh, guys, I really need to get back to Boston."

Carolyn pouted.

"Don't leave so soon."

"I've got some stuff I have to do, sorry."

"That's cool," I said.

"Yeah, um, I think I'll go get packed."

He fidgeted for a second and then went upstairs. Carolyn began humming a little tune, but didn't look at me. I thought of saying something, then decided that I didn't want to let her bait me.

"Shelby and I are going to Block Island today. We'll probably spend the night."

The humming stopped. She turned and stared out the window.

"Fine. Maybe I'll go back to Boston with Phillip."

I stared at her, the disgust growing in my gut.

"Don't do this."

She looked back at me innocently.

"Do what?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

"Do I?"

"Yes."

"Well, what's your problem? You're fucking one of my friends, why can't I fuck one of yours?"

"Because you're not doing it for the same reasons I am."

"And what are my reasons, Mr. I Understand Everything?"

Both of us knew the answer to that question, but I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"Forget it," I said finally. "Do what you want. I'll see you in a few days."

She turned and looked back out the window. I waited to see if she would say anything else. She didn't.

I went upstairs and found Shelby packing one of her bags.

"Stay out of Carolyn's way this morning."

"You told her about the trip?"

"Yeah. And, if I'm not badly mistaken, she slept with Phillip last night."

Her face paled.

"Oh, my God. She did?"

"They were sure acting like it just now. Phillip is in the process of fleeing the house."

She put her hand on her forehead.

"This is crazy. I have to get out of here."

"As soon as we're packed, let's go get something to eat. We can just drive down to the ferry afterward."

"Okay. Yeah."

We finished packing as quickly as we could and went down to the car. I didn't see Carolyn. Phillip was already gone. Shelby climbed immediately into my Jeep.

"Will, please."

I gave the house one last, searching look, and got in.

The ferry left about ten-thirty from the Fort Adams pier. During breakfast, I had called around to the various B&B's on the island. The cheaper stuff was all booked, but I wanted a big room anyway. I finally got us an ocean-view room with a deck in a colonial-era inn just outside of Old Harbor.

After we were out to sea, Shelby went up to the front of the ferry and leaned out, looking over the water. I put my arms around her from behind. I realized a few moments later that she was crying.

"What's wrong?"

"Will, I'm so fucking confused."

"About Carolyn?"

"I just don't understand why she's being like this. My God, during school, she was acting like she couldn't wait for us to meet. She was so psyched about introducing us."

"She was?"

"Yeah. I told you how much she talked about you. Although, like I told you, I maybe got the wrong idea about you. I told you about that."

"Was that from her?"

"I don't know. She sure didn't try to change my perceptions of you. We talked about what I told you about, how I wanted to lose my virginity this summer. She seemed just fine with it at the time. That's why I can't understand this at all. This seemed to be just what she wanted."

A twinkling of an idea grew in the back of my head, a possible explanation. It wasn't something I could dare tell Shelby. Could it be? Would Carolyn really do something like that? I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

The ferry pulled into Old Harbor just before one, and we ate a quick lunch in a cafe on the water. The B&B was above the town, toward Beacon Hill, and we took a cab out of the harbor.

"It's so pretty," Shelby said.

"Yeah."

"Could you sail out here?"

"It takes most of the day, but I've done it. They have a big race week here every year. It's a lot of fun."

"I'd like to do that."

I was concerned about checking in with Shelby, since she was underage, but the woman in charge didn't seem to care, or at least didn't notice. She gave us the key and showed us up to the room. Shelby flopped back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. After checking out the room--we had a whirlpool bath in the bathroom--I lay down beside her.

"What should we do?"

"What do you want to do?"

"I know it would be tacky, but do they have tours of the island?"

"They must."

"Could we do that?"

"Sure."

I called down to the front desk, and the woman gave me the number of a tour company. I called them and got a spot on a tour later that afternoon. After Shelby changed clothes and freshened up, we went back to town.

I had been here maybe half a dozen times before for Block Island Race Week, so I zoned out during the tour and tried to figure out what was going on with Carolyn. The idea I had on the ferry refused to leave my head. As sick as it seemed, I couldn't think of any other explanation.

I took Shelby to an expensive dinner in town after the tour was over, and we returned to the inn. We made love for about an hour, then went out to sit on the deck under a blanket.

"Will, I'm thinking when we go back, that I maybe shouldn't go back to the house."

"What do you mean?"

"Just to let Carolyn calm down. I should just go back to New York for a few days. Maybe you could come down to see me afterward."

"To give Carolyn some space."

"Right."

"I just can't see her right now. Not after last night and this morning."

"How are you going to get home?"

"Just take me to the train station. I can get back from there."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I love you, but I need some time to deal with this."

We spent the next morning wandering around the island. We got a picnic lunch at a deli and took it out to Sandy Point, where we stayed for a few hours. Shelby was quiet most of the day, and I didn't press her. The ferry left at five, and we got back to Newport around seven- thirty.

I dropped her off at the train station with her bag. I kissed her a few times.

"You're sure about this?"

"Yes. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Thanks. I'll miss you."

"You too."

"I love you."

I hugged her one last time, then went home.

IX.

Carolyn's little Porsche was in the front driveway when I pulled up, but I saw no one else, not even the staff. I searched through the house, finding nothing.

"Carolyn?"

No one answered. I looked in her room. It was a mess, but not much worse than it usually was. I looked in the guestroom where Shelby had been staying. Nothing seemed to have been disturbed. Then I looked in my room.

It took me a few moments to spot it. With the staff we had, I never made my bed myself, so it wasn't something I would have noticed immediately. But the covers on my bed were tossed back, and at eight o'clock at night, that was an anomaly. I inspected the bed. On my pillow, I found a couple of long brown hairs.

I picked one of them up, staring at it in disbelief. But there it was.

I walked out to the deck, wondering where the hell Carolyn was. When I got to the railing, I had my answer.

Out on the lawn, by the dock, I saw a form lying in the grass, feet toward the ocean. I squinted. It was Carolyn. In one hand, she gripped a bottle.

I went back downstairs and out to the lawn. Carolyn didn't move as I approached, and it looked like she was passed out. But before I got close enough to tell, I saw something else that immediately seized my attention.

"Oh, fuck me!"

I ran the rest of the way, out to where my boat was docked. I stared at the stern of the boat in shock. She had taken a big black magic marker and violently crossed out her name on across the stern. Above it, in drunken letters, was the word "Shelby."

"Like it? I guess it's hers now."

I spun around. Carolyn was sitting up on her elbows, drunk, but not as insensible as I had first thought.

"You've lost your mind."

She sniffed.

"Do you remember what you said when you told me you were naming it after me? 'You name your boat after the most important woman in your life.' That's not me anymore."

I put my hands on my head.

"You're insane. Why does it have to be one or other? Did you think I was never going to fall in love?"

She staggered to her feet.

"You never have before this. I figured you would marry someone like Melissa, someone you didn't care about like you care about me. Or you used to."

"God--that's not--I do still care about you."

"Not like you care about Shelby."

"All right. Yes. Shelby. Let's talk about her. Why did you seem so excited about our getting together if you were going to act like this?"

She laughed bitterly.

"I told you. I didn't think you would fall in love with her."

"No. You just wanted me to bust her cherry, didn't you? You thought it would be a fun thing do to her."

She glared at me murderously.

"Fuck you. She was a present. I gave her to you."

My jaw dropped.

"You what?"

"I bet you don't even fucking remember, do you? That conversation we had last summer? You told me how you had never had a blonde girlfriend. We talked about who your perfect woman would be. Do you remember that?"

I did.

"Jesus Christ."

"I thought of Shelby after that. I asked her to be my roommate. I prepped her for you all year, showing her your pictures, telling her how great you were. I'm surprised she didn't jump your bones the instant she saw you. And you fucking pay me back by falling in love with her!"

I swayed for a second, having to step back to regain my balance. I stared at her, unable to say anything for about five seconds.

"What do you want from me? I told you I love you. I'd do anything for you. I told you that whatever I have with Shelby won't change that. What else can I possibly give you?"

She didn't answer me, but I saw the answer in her eyes anyway. The realization knocked me back a step.

"Oh my fucking God. You can't be serious."

She stepped toward me, and I had to turn away from her. I felt her hand on my arm, and I shoved it away violently.

"Will--"

"Get away from me."

I put my hands on my face, feeling my heart pounding my chest.

"Will, please, I'm sorry."

"You are not my sister anymore. I don't know who are you."

I heard an anguished sob behind me, followed by several more. I turned around. She had dropped to her knees and fallen forward onto her hands, sobbing uncontrollably. I wanted to pick her up, to hug her and comfort her, but I couldn't do it. Not after seeing that look in her eyes a moment ago.

I forced myself to walk toward the house. She cried out again, grabbing for my leg, but I was out of reach. I left her there, stalking back inside. I went straight to my room and threw myself on my bed. I buried myself in my pillows.

This had not happened. It had not. Please, God, make it not happen.

I don't know quite what happened next. I must have fallen asleep. It felt very late, the dark depths of the night. All the lights were off. I woke up, feeling something moving slowly into bed with me. I realized after a few seconds that it was Carolyn.

I was too groggy to push her away immediately, and she curled herself against me, spooning with me. She took my arm and put it around her, holding it tightly against her. My anger began to dissolve, and I let myself hug her. She pulled me tighter, and I felt her crying. I reached up to her face and wiped the tears from her cheek.

The horror from earlier tried to force its way into my head, but I shoved it down. I hugged Carolyn again. My God, how could I cut myself off from her, no matter what had happened? I knew I loved Shelby, but what I had with Carolyn was so fundamental and primal that no one was ever going to touch it. I had told her that, and I knew she knew it.

I felt her kissing my fingers softly. Again, I shoved down the discomfort and confusion that welled inside me. She pressed my hand against her mouth. I felt her moving it to her neck, her chest just above her breasts. But then she stopped.

Nothing more happened for a long time. We remained cuddled together, half asleep. The room around us was as dark as the night outside, a new moon and cloudy sky. Long after it must have happened, I realized I had gotten an erection. Carolyn was pressed back against it. She wore only a nightshirt, and I could feel the warmth of her next to me.

I didn't let myself think. I didn't know why she wanted this. I didn't want to know. I loved her more than anything.

I'd do anything for you.

I had told her that. Did I really mean it?

My hand was on her breast. She held it against her. I felt her nipple stiff against my palm. I let myself caress her. She guided my hand to her other breast, moving it over her. She fondled herself with my hand for a minute or two.

Then I was moving downward, across her abdomen, between her legs. I felt the prickly nest between her thighs. She pushed me down there.

My God, she was wet. I forced myself to feel her, stroke her, play with her. She moved her thigh up to open herself to me. Her hands remained tight on my wrist.

My head was buzzing, my whole body. I felt as if rubber bees encased me, a tight sheath that kept me paralyzed against my sister.

I masturbated her for several minutes until I felt her begin to shudder against me. She let out a soft cry, then pulled my hand away. I pulled into myself, concentrating on my breathing. I could smell her next to me. Her hair. Her body. The musky scent of her sex.

I was on my back. She was undressing me now. She was naked, her nightshirt lost. My hand drifted toward her breasts of its own accord. She felt different from Shelby, softer.

When I was naked, she bent to take me in her mouth. I closed my eyes, unable to chase the sensations from my mind. I felt her bobbing slowly over me, making love to me with her mouth. She was good. Did she understand me that well, enough to know what I enjoyed? Had she asked Shelby about this?

She stopped, sitting back. In the darkness, I could just make out her face, looking down at me. Pain. Love. Need.

She straddled me slowly, throwing a leg over my waist. She lifted my erection with her hand, sitting back. I put my hands on her thighs, squeezing. I couldn't watch, but I didn't need to. I felt myself moving into her. Into my sister.

She bent forward, pressing her lips against mine. I opened them, finding her tongue. We kissed. I put my arms around her as she began to ride me slowly, up and down. I was lost by now, incapable of coherent thought. I only knew that I loved her, and she needed this for some insane reason.

I lost track of time. I wasn't paying attention to anything but her. Her rhythms increased. She rode me, back arched, gasping for breath. She seemed in pain from her arousal. She cried out once, twice.

"Oh, God! I love you!"

Her orgasm at last took hold of her, and she thrashed above me, throwing herself forward, throwing her hair over my face. She shook in the aftermath for long moments, still moving up and down slowly. I realized I was nearly at the end myself. My hands grabbed her hips, moving them faster. She understood, and thrust herself at me, squeezing me as best she could. I grunted, beginning to shudder under her, and a moment later, my seed passed into her.

She stayed on me, holding me inside her, until we feel asleep.

X.

When I awoke the next morning, she was gone. It almost would have seemed like a dream were I not naked. I put on a robe and forced myself to find her.

The house was empty. When I looked in her room, I realized that she had packed up and left. I ran out front. Her car was gone.

I didn't find the note on the kitchen table for another ten minutes.

Will:

I couldn't bring myself to stay until you woke up

this morning. I'm sorry. I'm just too afraid of what you

must think of me now. God, the person I love the most in

the whole world probably hates me. I hate myself for what

I did to you. I just couldn't help it. I guess I thought

that I would always be the only one you loved. When I

realized that you loved Shelby, I just lost it. I had to do

something. I told Kathy and Maria to take a few days off.

I got drunk. I wanted to burn your boat, but I just settled

for crossing out my name and writing Shelby's.

What I said last night was true. I meant her as a

present for you. She just turned out to be a better present

than I ever expected. I guess I should be happy for you. I

am happy for you. If you love Shelby, I have to live with

that. I know you said I have a piece of you no one can touch,

but what hurt was thinking that Shelby might now have a

piece of you that I can't touch. But I have to live with

that now.

I'm going back to Boston. I won't try to contact you.

I'll let you decide what to do about this. If you never want

to see me again, I understand. I'll always love you, but I

know I may have destroyed what you felt for me.

I won't tell anyone. God, as if, right? If you're

worried about my getting pregnant, don't be. I put in one of

Mom's suppositories before I got in bed with you. Pretty

gross, huh? But I guess not as gross as doing it with your

sister.

I love you, Will. As sick as it might sound, I'll

treasure what happened last night. I know it may be all I

have left of you now. I'm sorry.

Love always,

Carolyn

I stood stock still in the kitchen for a long time. I don't even know how long. I didn't sit down until my legs started to ache. Then I cried for a good ten minutes.

I packed up my stuff and went to New York to see Shelby. Her mother had gone to London to be with her father, so we had the house to ourselves. She knew something was wrong, but I just gave her a story about Carolyn getting drunk and yelling at me. I figured Carolyn would be too embarrassed to ever look at Shelby again.

A couple of weeks went past. Shelby and I went back to Newport. Her eighteenth birthday came the last week in July. I took her out to dinner to the most expensive place in town.

A dozen times I reached for the phone to call Carolyn. I couldn't do it. It wasn't because I was angry with her. I simply didn't know what I was supposed to say.

Mom and Dad came back from Europe. They didn't seem to care that Carolyn was by herself in Boston. They called her. She was fine. I didn't talk to her.

They liked Shelby and took us out to dinner to tell us all about Europe. A few days later, they went up to Boston to see Carolyn.

I still haven't called her. I miss her. Shelby seems to sense that there's something I haven't told her, but she hasn't asked. Carolyn is still a sore spot with her. I'm not sure what they'll do when school starts in a few weeks.

I suppose I can't avoid Carolyn forever, and I know I don't want to. What scares me now is less the eventual reunion than what might happen afterward. I don't know if we can ever get back what we lost that one night.

Life goes on. Shelby and I go sailing. I cleaned Carolyn's graffiti off the stern with some turpentine before anyone saw it. I think of her up on the bow, wind in her hair, crewing for me the way she always did. I look out to sea, watching the clouds in the sky. They drift above me, forever just out of reach.