Where Angels Fear to Tread.

(Dedicated with thanks to A.M and C.H)

"Ah Edwards" exclaimed Miss Taylor. "Ah" may seem like an exclamation that means very little but when a woman like Miss Taylor says "Ah" it has multiple layers of meaning. Each one as subtle as the female mind itself. Firstly, the most obvious, "Ah" means here you are Edwards sitting in my classroom once again, secondly you can deduce from the slightly menacing quality she gives to her "Ah" that Edwards will be in hot water if he hasn't done the lines he was given yesterday and thirdly her "Ah" expresses the hope that he will wipe that self satisfied smirk of his face before she is moved to do it for him. Indeed it must be said that Edwards has a most annoying smirk but on the other hand I can forgive Edwards a great deal of smirking as no one brightens our lives in this grey, spartan environment as much as he does.  Edwards is a frail looking boy with a pretty, almost girlish face. In fact he doesn't look like a boy that would misbehave at all, until you see that annoying smirk. That is what usually gives the game away. Yet he has sad eyes, just like the sad clown in a circus.

The whole class room full of twelve year old boys are in a state of barely suppressed excitement because Edwards is going to attempt to play a practical joke on Miss Taylor. Speaking for myself, and I know almost every other boy in class 4B will agree wholeheartedly with this view, I would as soon pull a tigers tail as play a practical joke on Miss Taylor but there you are. As they say fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Edwards mistakenly believes that he possesses a great intellect and that he will he emerge the victor in a battle of wits with our greatly respected form mistress. Possibly he was over confident after his successful baiting of Mr Cresswell in our Scripture lesson this morning.

  We had been discussing the Cities of the Plain and Sodom and Gomorrah. When Edwards realised that Mr Cresswell was being less than open with us over the true meaning of the verb “to know”. Indeed it was most obvious the story was being subject to Mr Cresswell's strict censorship so as to be fit for our youthful ears. Edwards however was a stickler for the truth, he wanted the whole truth and nothing but the truth! The earnest Mr Cresswell under a rigorous grilling from Edwards had attempted to stick to his feeble story that this “to know” in its biblical sense just meant a jolly exchange of greetings .  Edwards of course wasn’t at all satisfied by this and eventually his relentless probing earned a stern warning from the pink faced schoolmaster and much laughter from the rest of us,

“Another word from you this lesson Edwards and you will be caned most severely!”

“Oh yes sir. Sorry sir”

Mr Cresswell's nickname amongst his pupils was Creeping Jesus. It was a name well earned because of his frequent evangelical outbursts and his habit of creeping up behind a boy and whispering, (he always wore hush puppies which meant he could creep silently), 

"Did I hear you blaspheme boy? Did I hear you take the good Lords name in vain?"

Of course pulling Mr Cresswell's leg was one thing but pulling Miss Taylor's leg was not even to be considered by any rational boy however brave or insane he may be. All the congratulations Edwards had received after our entertaining scripture lesson must have gone straight to his head. Already he had a strong grasp of the tigers tail and no sense of the terrible danger he was in.

"I do hope that you will not continue to grin like an imbecile in my lesson Edwards." Miss Taylor has a most wonderful speaking voice, she has the sort of diction that you would expect of a young woman of her impeccable pedigree. 

"No Miss. I do apologise. I certainly didn't mean to grin like an imbecile in your lesson Miss Taylor". From somewhere at the back of the classroom came a snort of laughter, quickly turned into a cough. Miss Taylor concentrated all the powers of her penetrating gaze on Edwards. Edwards returned her gaze with a look of childlike innocence. If you were looking for an angel to star in a school nativity play and your eyes had fallen on Edwards at that precise moment in time you would have felt your search for an angel was over.

"You may place the lines you were given yesterday on my desk Edwards". Edwards, doing wonderfully well in keeping a straight face opened his expensive looking briefcase and drew out two crisp sheets of foolscap paper. He stood up and without the slightest hesitation walked up to her desk and in the manner a faithful old retainer might employ to pass a note to her ladyship, handed Miss Taylor his lines. You could hear a pin drop as our dear respected form mistress looked at those lines and then looked again as if she couldn't quite believe  the evidence of her own eyes. Then finally she concluded that Edwards actually had dared to write fifty times in his very neatest handwriting,

 "Miss Taylor must learn not to be impertinent".

"There are only two possibilities here as I see it Edwards. Either you have taken leave of your senses or you are once again attempting to be impertinent. If you have taken leave of your senses I should not dream of punishing you. I hope you realise I would never punish a boy that had taken leave of his senses Edwards?"

"Well I have been under something of a strain lately Miss Taylor. I must be working too hard. Perhaps I should try and rest a little more" said Edwards lamely, his voice trailing off weakly as Miss Taylor opened her desk and retrieved a thin yellow cane. She held it casually in her small elegant hands. Edwards had suddenly turned very pale indeed.

"Impertinence however Edwards I am only too well qualified to deal with. I believe what I actually said to you was write out fifty times "I must learn not to be impertinent." Only a boy of severely limited intellect could possibly misconstrue my meaning. You are not a boy of severely limited intellect Edwards, you are in point of fact merely a foolish child trying to amuse your friends by making a silly joke at your form mistresses expense. I shall now endeavour to impress upon you how unwise that is. Come out here and bend over the chair for me please Edwards! We shall see if together we cannot provide the class with a little amusement."

Miss Taylor is slimly built and of no more than average height for a woman but her expertise with a cane has to be seen to be believed. Six times the thin chalked cane whistled through the air and cracked across Edwards tightly bending bottom and six shrill shrieks filled the classroom as the poor boy realised too late the error of his ways. It was dreadfully painful for the poor boy. I had to wipe away the odd sympathetic tear myself. He howled, he wailed, he cried. The louder he screamed the harder that cane seemed to land upon it's well rounded target.  Everyone was grinning afterwards, even Miss Taylor seemed mildly amused. Poor Edwards, he is still completely unable to see the funny side.