Thunder and Lightening: Chapter 38Home « Thunder and Lightening Index « Previous

- Chapter 38

Posted: April 28, 2005 - 10:57:00 pm



Jerry stared out the window of the restaurant watching the sky. The storm that

had been threatening them all day had finally broken. It wasn't as bad as he had

predicted. Rather than a thunderstorm, this was the kind of storm that led to a

solid soaking of the ground without creating damage. There wasn't even any

lightening. Their tensions over the trial had exaggerated their perception of

its threat.

Turning to face the kids, he said, "It's started to rain."

His comment didn't spark any immediate response from the kids. Bill stared at

his plate of fried shrimp. Melissa continued to turn a bottle of ketchup while

staring off into space. He decided that the idea of stopping at a restaurant to

recover from their ordeal and talk about what had happened was not working.

After five minutes, Bill said, "That was fucking brave of you Melissa."

The young woman didn't respond immediately, but did stop playing with the

ketchup bottle. Looking down at her plate, she said, "I thought she wouldn't

shoot if I was there."

Jerry didn't know what to think of his daughter's actions. It had been brave for

her to interpose herself between his ex-wife and him, but it had also been

foolish. He knew that the same could be said of his actions. He should have told

them to run away. He said, "It was very brave of you, but you shouldn't have

exposed yourself to danger like that."

Shrugging, Melissa didn't give forth a verbal response. She was finding it hard

believe that her mother would have shot her for standing up for her father. Deep

down inside, she knew the truth. She had to face the fact that her mother was

dead and she didn't know what to think about that. The only thing that she did

know for certain was that the men had done nothing to deserve getting killed.

Bill dipped a finger into the cocktail sauce and then stuck the finger in his

mouth. The sharp horseradish didn't register on his senses. It seemed to him

that he was numb. He definitely knew that his brain wasn't working correctly.

His thoughts kept returning to watching his mother approaching with the gun and

calling him a little shit. He hadn't seen her dead body on the ground, but his

imagination provided a picture of the scene. It was giving him a throbbing

headache.

Bill wasn't the only one with a headache. Rubbing her temples with the fingers

of both hands, Melissa said, "I have a headache. Does anyone have an aspirin?"

When neither of the males answered her, she repeated herself with greater

irritation in her voice. "Does anyone have an aspirin?"

"No," answered Jerry looking out the window again at the rain. He wondered what

word described this particular kind of rain. It wasn't a drizzle, downpour, or

squall. Was there even a word to describe a consistent steady light rain? He

decided that there wasn't and then realized that the word was shower.

Like a boom-a-rang that always returned to where it had been launched, Bill's

mind returned to the events in front of the courthouse. He shook his head at the

images that passed before his eyes. Foremost among them was the sight of Melissa

stepping in front of his father. He said, "I can't believe you stepped in front

of dad."

Frustrated at the lack of response to her request for aspirin, Melissa asked,

"Won't anyone give me some aspirin?"

"Do you have any in your purse?" asked Jerry knowing that if anyone would have

something for a headache it would be her.

Embarrassed that she hadn't thought of her purse, Melissa opened it and rummaged

through it looking for something to take for her headache. All she found was a

bottle of Midol. Deciding that it wouldn't hurt, she shook one into the palm of

her hand and swallowed it without water.

Watching her take the pill, Bill decided that he wanted one for his headache. He

asked, "Could I have one, too?"

"It's Midol," replied Melissa.

"Ugh," said Bill. He was quiet for a minute and then decided that it would be

better to take a Midol than live with his headache. He said, "I'll take one any

way."

"You'll grow breasts," said Melissa lightly.

Knowing better than that, he replied, "You'll never see me again if I do."

"Why?"

Bill attempted a grin while he answered, "I'll be too busy playing with them."

Melissa frowned at the bad joke, but didn't react in any other fashion than to

push a pill over to her brother. He picked it up and reached for his glass of

iced tea. His hand started to tremble too much to hold the glass. Ashamed at the

betrayal of his body, he set the glass down with a rattle before he spilled his

iced tea.

Hearing the rattle, Jerry looked over at Bill and saw the distressed look on his

face. In a soft voice, he said, "Hey, it's okay. Your nerves are catching up to

you."

"I know. It used to happen to me after fights," said Bill. Although it hadn't

involved any punches, kicks, bites, or scratches, he felt as if he had gone

twenty rounds with a heavy weight boxer. He slipped the pill into his mouth and

grabbed the glass with both hands. Holding it like a three-year-old, he tipped

the glass and chased down the pill. The thought that he'd grow breasts almost

made him laugh and choke on the tea.

Quiet returned to the table. Jerry looked around the table at all of the uneaten

food. Bill hadn't eaten more then three of his fried shrimp. Normally, Bill

would have cleaned the plate of shrimp in minutes. Melissa hadn't touched her

hamburger except to take two bites out of it. She had put a little more of a

dent in her French Fries. He understood their lack of appetite since his French

Dip had a single bite out of it. Shaking his head, he decided that coming to the

restaurant had been a very bad idea.

Fumbling in his shirt pocket, he pulled out his cell phone. Opening it, he tried

to locate a number in the phonebook function. As he scrolled through the list of

numbers, Melissa asked, "Are you calling Jenny?"

"No, I'm calling the therapist," answered Jerry with a sigh. They weren't

dealing with things very well and he couldn't think of anything else to do. He

didn't want to see Jenny at the moment, but he didn't understand why his mind

kept shying away from the idea of talking to her. He grunted, "I'm big enough to

know that we aren't dealing with this very well."

Surprised by his admission, Melissa watched him make the call wishing that he

were calling Jenny. She had to admit that calling the therapist was the last

thing that she had expected him to do. Running to a therapist wasn't the kind of

thing that most people associated with a big strong man like her father. She had

expected him to call Jenny and then for Jenny to recommend that he call the

therapist. In a way, his actions impressed her even more. She considered what

would have happened had her mother seen a therapist. It was quite possible that

if her mother had gone to one, then she would still be alive.

"Too bad she didn't see a therapist," muttered Bill giving voice to her

thoughts.

"I was just thinking the same thing," said Melissa looking at her brother in

amazement. She was surprised that he was taking the high road rather than rant

about what a crazy woman their mother had been.

While Jerry was on the cell phone, the waitress stopped by the table to see how

things were going. The young woman, still a senior in high school, had been

working in the restaurant for less than a month. She had taken the job in an

effort to earn enough money to pay for her car insurance. New to the job, she

worked hard to make sure that her customers were happy.

The waitress frowned at the sight of the plates full of cold food. All of the

iced tea glasses were half-filled with diluted tea, watered down by the melted

ice. Deciding that there was little hope of salvaging a reasonable tip, she

said, "I take it the food wasn't any good."

Melissa looked up at the waitress and said, "We're not really hungry. My mother

tried to kill us all today."

"The police killed her," added Bill staring at his plate. He thought about how

different aspects of the events mattered to each of them differently. Melissa

was shocked by the fact that her mother was willing to shoot her. He was shocked

that his mother was gone out of his life for good. He couldn't deny that he was

relieved that she was gone, but the idea that he was relieved made him feel bad

about himself.

The flat emotionless tone of voice in which the kids had delivered their

statements was far more brutal than an emotional outburst might have been. The

waitress stood at the foot of the table with a stunned expression on her face.

She had no idea how to react to their statements; it wasn't something that was

covered in the employee manual. Almost a minute passed before she said, "Oh."

Jerry closed the cell phone and announced, "She'll see us at six. We've got

three hours to kill."

Bill groaned at his father's choice of wording. Melissa felt her stomach twist

at the thought of sitting in that booth for another three hours. Tears welled up

in her eyes. While dabbing at them with her napkin, she said, "I want to talk to

Jenny."

Wishing that he knew how to comfort the children better, he nodded. He didn't

want to face Jenny, but would do it for Melissa's sake. Resigning himself to the

inevitable, he said, "I'll give her a call."

The waitress was still standing at the end of the table trying to decide what

she was supposed to say or do. Finally, she asked, "Would you like your bill?"

"Yes, that would probably be best," answered Jerry tiredly.

Given an excuse to leave, the waitress ran away from the table. This had been

the most upsetting experience of her life. She couldn't imagine how those two

kids felt. All she knew was that she wanted to get home and hold onto her

mother. Rather than get their check, she left the restaurant crying. As the door

closed behind her, she decided that there had to be another way to earn enough

money.

Confused by her actions, the manager of the restaurant watched the waitress

leave. It was obvious that she was upset and that the party seated in the corner

had upset her. During the short time that she had worked at the restaurant she

had been a very good employee. She showed up on time, was friendly with the

customers, and took care of her tables. Although he believed that the customer

deserved the best service possible, he knew there were some customers who were

abusive. He looked at the family and headed over to find out what they had said

to her.

Jerry was on the cell phone talking to Jenny when the manager arrived at the

table. Frowning, he looked at the long faces and the plates full of cold food.

His anger evaporated to be replaced by puzzlement.

Bill looked up at the manager and then looked out the window. In a soft voice,

he asked, "Why is it that bad things always seem to happen to me before a

storm?"

The indifference of the young man to his presence and the awkward question

confused the manager. The manager stood at the end of the table for a half a

minute wondering if anyone would notice him. He cleared his throat.

Bill looked back at the manager, not expecting an answer to his question. He saw

that Melissa was wiping her face with her napkin. Bill put his arm around her

and pulled her to him. Surprised by the unexpected gesture of caring, she

twisted so that her face was against his shoulder and burst into tears. Feeling

awkward, Bill held his sister allowing her to cry herself out.

Jerry noticed the activity across the table and quickly finished his

conversation with Jenny. That Bill would reach out to comfort his sister was a

major leap forward in relations between the siblings. Separated from them by the

table, he realized how bad a mistake it was to come to the restaurant. He

slipped the cell phone into his pocket and watched them afraid to say anything

to ruin the moment.

The manager cleared his throat and said, "Excuse me, but is there a problem

here?"

Jerry stared at the man for a minute trying to figure out how to answer his

question. There were lots of problems. His ex-wife had tried to kill him and the

kids. They knew that she had been killed. The kids were upset and he didn't know

how to comfort them. He was terrified of seeing his girlfriend. There was also a

bright spot in the midst of all this misery. A real gesture of peace had

occurred between the kids. He answered, "Yes, but it isn't a problem that you

can solve."

"What did you tell the waitress that caused her to run out of here in tears?"

asked the manager with much more politeness than he had intended prior to seeing

them around the table.

"She wasn't crying when she left to get the bill," answered Jerry confused by

the assertion that they had done something to the young woman. He glanced at

Melissa and Bill, but she was still crying on her brother's chest. Bill was

looking over her head with an embarrassed expression on his face.

"Well, she was crying when she passed by me after leaving your table," declared

the manager.

"I guess the kids told her that their mother tried to kill us today," replied

Jerry. He hadn't been paying attention to the dialog between the kids and the

waitress since he had been busy arranging an appointment with the therapist. He

added, "We'd really like the bill now."

The manager didn't know the story behind these three, but he wanted them out of

his establishment. He retreated to fetch the bill. The sooner they were out of

there, the better. It didn't take long for Jerry to take care of the bill. He

left a good tip despite the fact that none of them had eaten. He asked the

manager to give the waitress their apologies if they had done anything to upset

her.

Leaving the restaurant, Jerry held his arms around both kids pulling them close

to him to reassure them with his presence. Bill walked along numbly, his mind

was not on the here and now. Melissa held tight to her father's arm as though

afraid that she would fly off the planet if she let go. For the first time in

her life, she appreciated his strength and size.

Upon reaching Jenny's house, Melissa flew from the Camaro to the front door.

Without knocking, she opened the door and entered the house. Still getting out

of the car, Jerry watched her run. He didn't know why he was dreading talking to

Jenny, but the idea of facing her terrified him. Turning to Bill, he said,

"Let's give your sister a chance to talk with Jenny for a while."

"Yeah, she needs to talk to a woman," commented Bill. Despite the moment of

closeness in the restaurant, he understood the truth. His sister would always

seek out the comfort, opinion, and approval of women before that of men.

Jerry looked over at his son and smiled at the insight the boy had demonstrated.

Despite the fact that it was still raining, he wasn't ready to go into the

house. Putting an arm on the boy's shoulder, he said, "Let's wait for them in

the back yard."

Shrugging his acceptance, Bill said, "Sure, why not."

The pair walked around the house to the backyard. Potted plants surrounded a

small patio with two folding chairs. The plants looked dead, but were actually

in their winter hibernation. In spring and summer, the patio was a very nice

place to sit and talk. In the fall rain, it was the last place they should have

been. Gesturing to one of the chairs, Jerry said, "Have a seat."

Bill sat down in one of the folding chairs. He was hardly aware of the rain as

he seated himself. He looked around the yard. It was small, but much better

cared for than theirs. He wondered what wonders Jenny would do on their backyard

once she married Jerry. That thought led him to think about his mother and what

she had done around the house. From there, his mind returned to the events

outside the courthouse.

Jerry pulled over the heavy outdoor chair that Jenny had bought for him. It was

massive enough to take his weight without collapsing. Sitting down, Jerry said,

"I don't think I've ever been as afraid as I was this afternoon."

"You were afraid?" asked Bill relieved that he wasn't the only one that had been

scared. The fact that his sister had been brave enough to step between his

mother and father shamed him. He felt that he should have been the one to step

up and face his mother.

Taking a deep breath that swelled his chest and then letting it out, Jerry tried

to relax. It was a half-minute before he answered, "Yeah. All I could imagine

was your mother shooting you or Melissa. The idea of loosing either one of your

scared me shitless. I was so angry, but all I could do was stand there between

you two and her."

"Why did you stand there?" asked Bill wondering if his father had been frozen in

place out of fear. He had expected his father to storm over and squash his

mother like a bug. He knew that his father could have done that.

"If I had made a single move, she would have started shooting. I couldn't risk

one of you getting hit," answered Jerry. Standing in place had been one of the

hardest things that he had ever done. He was glad that the rage hadn't taken

over. If it had, he would have charged like a bull at a red cape without concern

for the consequences. For all he knew, both kids would have been killed.

"Oh yeah. I didn't think about it like that," answered Bill. He realized that he

hadn't thought about anything except that his mother was going to kill him. He

had been frozen in place staring at her the entire time.

Jerry looked over at Bill and said, "You were scared too."

The young man looked away with tears in his eyes and nodded. Jerry saw that his

son didn't trust his voice to answer. He said, "You had every right to be

scared. If you had done what Melissa did, she'd have killed you in a second. She

had every intention of killing both you and me. She didn't want to kill Melissa

until she realized that Melissa was standing up for us."

"I was so scared that I couldn't move," said Bill feeling like hell.

"You didn't piss yourself. I'd say that's better than a lot of men would have

done in your position," countered Jerry. He kept a serious look on his face to

let his son know that he wasn't joking. All in all, the young man had kept his

wits about him and control over himself.

"You're kidding," replied Bill with a frown.

"Not at all," answered Jerry. He knew his son was feeling like a coward and he

felt that he had to justify the boy's actions so they wouldn't haunt him for the

rest of his life. He said, "There's a lot of folks that would have crumpled to

their knees and started begging for their lives. I don't think you were

paralyzed with fear, but you didn't give into it. I'd say that you showed a

degree of bravery today that's mighty good for a young man your age."

The rain had let up a little, but they were still getting soaked. Bill sat in

his chair wondering if his father was telling him the truth. In the movies,

people knew what to do in that situation. He'd felt stupid standing there unable

to think of some action to take that would resolve the situation. He took a deep

breath and asked, "What should I have done?"

"I'd have been a lot happier if both of you kids had run away," answered Jerry

with a weak smile. Standing outside the courthouse, there had been all kinds of

places for the kids to run. He sighed and said, "Ever since then, I've been

thinking that rather than telling you to stay behind me that I should have told

you to run."

Realizing that his father was blaming himself for telling him to do the wrong

thing, Bill asked, "Why did you tell us to stay behind you?"

Jerry gave forth a laugh of derision that sounded like a cross between a snort

and a bark. He said, "I was thinking that I could protect you. I thought I could

stand there like some sort of human shield. I thought I could stand there even

if she emptied her gun into me. Pretty fucking stupid idea, if I say so myself."

"I saw you get shot four times. You could have protected us," answered Bill.

"No, I seriously doubt it. Oh, I was angry and felt strong enough, but the fact

of the matter is that I was scared and angry. I wasn't thinking very clearly,"

admitted Jerry with a sigh.

The conversation was helping Bill much more than Jerry. His son was coming to

accept that his lack of action wasn't motivated entirely in fear. He had

followed his father's command to stay behind him and that had kept him from

fleeing. Yet the father felt bad about having issued the command realizing only

too late that it had further endangered his children.

After berating himself for long enough, Jerry said, "One of the problems with

being big and strong is that you start off believing that your size and strength

can be the answer to all of your problems. After a while, you see that, more

often than not, you end up in trouble and you get to believe that it only

creates more problems."

"So which is it?" asked Bill. He leaned forward to catch the answer as if it

were the most important thing he was going to ever hear.

"I'm beginning to believe that it's a balance between the two. Being big and

strong can solve some problems, but not all of them. When you use your size and

strength on the wrong problem, you get more problems," answered Jerry. He looked

over at his son and watched him process the answer.

"How do you know when to use your size and strength?"

"Hell if I know. I'm still trying to figure that one out," answered Jerry. He

threw his hands up in the air as if surrendering.

The back door opened and Jenny stuck her head out to look at the two men. They

were soaking wet, but seemed oblivious to their state. She recognized that it

was a measure of how upset they were that they didn't care about the wet or the

cool chill in the air. In a soft voice, she asked, "Would you like to come in

and have some coffee?"

Jerry glanced down at his watch and saw that he had an hour and a half before

the appointment with the therapist. He answered, "Sure. We have some time before

we head over to the therapist."

"Can I go to the therapist with you?" asked Jenny. She had her fingers crossed

in the hope that Jerry would say that it was okay.

"You want to go with us?" asked Jerry very surprised by the request.

"Yes. I'm affected by this just as much as you are. That woman tried to kill the

three people that I love the most in this whole world. I have no idea what I

would have done if I had lost any of you," answered Jenny. Her voice quivered

with emotion.

The effect of her words on Bill was immediate and overwhelming. He stared at her

feeling like she had just handed him a million dollars and told him to have a

good time. That she loved his father was obvious. He never doubted her feelings

for his father. That she loved him was a shock. He suspected that she felt that

way about him, but she had never come out and said it. He stood up and raced

over to her. Throwing his arms around her, he held her and cried. Between sobs,

he said, "I love you, too."

The effect of her words on Jerry was just as staggering. She had done the

unimaginable in admitting that the bad things that happened to him hurt her as

well. She felt his pain, she worried about his welfare, and she cared about him.

He felt horrible that he hadn't thought about how she would react to his

ex-wife's actions. His voice cracked with emotion when he told her, "We'd love

to have you come with us."

Jerry watched as Jenny hugged a very wet Bill to her and rubbed his back. She

spoke soothing words to him that were too soft for Jerry to hear. Her words

helped calm down the young man. Seeing how his son clung to Jenny made Jerry

realize how much his son needed a good mother figure in his life. While Melissa

had known that she needed a proper female role model and asked to come here, the

two men had been blind to their need. Jerry realized that they should have come

here after the incident rather than going to the restaurant.

After Bill released Jenny, he sniffed and then ran into the house. Jerry watched

him run away knowing that he wanted to be alone for a minute. The young man was

feeling emotions that had never had a chance to present themselves. Jerry felt

the same way. Emotions that he couldn't name washed over him, leaving him

speechless. He didn't know what to say to thank her for her words and the

comfort given to Bill.

"I understand," said Jenny giving Jerry a half smile that was both happy and

sad. She looked at his wet clothes and wondered if he was going to get sick

before the wedding.

"I'm not sure that I do," replied Jerry confused by her statement.

"After years of being abused by that woman, I'm not surprised that you didn't

think of coming here," said Jenny.

"I left her because she didn't care that I had almost been killed," said Jerry

looking down at the ground once he realized what she meant. He wanted to hit

himself for not trusting Jenny to react in a caring manner. He knew his earlier

reluctance in seeing her originated out of the fear that she would have reacted

with the same indifference his ex-wife would have demonstrated.

"You were afraid that I wouldn't care," said Jenny shaking her head at the fact

that any human being could suffer that fear about someone they loved. She wished

that she had been able to give that woman a piece of her mind. The damage that

she had done to Jerry and Bill was almost beyond her comprehension.

"I'm sorry," said Jerry.

"I understand," she replied. She stepped forward and put her arms around him;

relaxing when his arms engulfed her with the strength that she loved. With her

face nestled against his strong chest, she said, "I would have been afraid of

the same thing if I were you."

"No, you would have trusted me to react the right way," countered Jerry. He

wanted to feel guilty, but it just wasn't possible for him. Too many years of

indifference had made him doubt that anyone could really care about what

happened to him. He knew that he would have been furious if someone had tried to

hurt Jenny, but his reaction would have been to charge out of the house to hunt

down and harm anyone that had hurt her.

She smiled and gestured to the door with her head. In a light voice, she said,

"Let's go inside. It's still raining and we're getting soaked."

Her words woke him to the fact that it was raining. Stepping back, he looked at

her and saw that the rain had turned her white shirt transparent. He could see

her breasts through the wet material. Her nipples stood erect from the cold.

Smiling, he picked her up in his arms and carried her into the house. Rather

than stopping in the living room where Melissa was seated on the couch, he

carried her into the bedroom. Once there, he set her down and said, "You need to

change your shirt."

She looked down and saw the effect that the water had on her shirt. In a

delightful display of modesty, she blushed. The modesty was short lived as a

wicked smile crossed her face. She said, "Do you really want me to change out of

this shirt?"

"Not really, but the..." He stopped not knowing how to bring the children into

the conversation. Somehow, talking about them while staring at her breasts just

didn't seem right.

Jenny unbuttoned the white blouse and let it slip off her shoulders. She traced

a finger around her stiff nipples drawing his attention to them. In a sultry

voice, she said, "I'm not cold now."

Laughing at her obvious tease, Jerry asked, "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

"Good question. Now get out of those wet clothes before you get sick. I'll throw

them in the dryer so they'll be dry in time to go to the therapist."

Jenny went to her closet and pulled out a shirt and one of her robes. She handed

the robe to him and said, "Put this on. We wouldn't want to shock Melissa and

Bill."

"Bill and I walk around the house in our boxers all the time. Melissa is used to

it," said Jerry eyeing the robe.

"With an erection?" asked Jenny with a grin. She could tell with just a glance

that he didn't have an erection yet, but she was sure that with just a little

effort on her part that she could cause one.

Despite the fact that she was standing in front of him topless, Jerry didn't

have an erection. He wasn't feeling very sexual at the moment. Too many

contradictory emotions were packed into his body to support another one. It was

obvious that despite her words, she wasn't really in the mood for much more than

a little light teasing.

Jenny put on her shirt while Jerry stripped down to his boxers. He tried to put

the robe on, but it was way too small. With a grin, he handed it back to her and

said, "There's no way this little robe is getting put on this body."

Seeing how her big fluffy robe looked like a hand towel in his massive hands,

Jenny had to laugh at the ridiculous image of him wearing it. She said, "Boxers

it is. I'll give this to Bill to wear. He's not quite as big as you are."

Jerry grinned and followed her out of the bedroom. Bill was in the bathroom.

Jerry knocked on the door and said, "Take off your shirt and pants so that Jenny

can dry them. We've got a robe here for you to wear."

Bill opened the door and accepted the robe from his father. He looked at the

feminine robe and his father in his boxers. Frowning, he said, "I'd rather just

wear my boxers."

"Okay," said Jerry deciding that it wasn't worth arguing about.

Bill stripped out of his clothes and handed them to Jerry who immediately handed

them to Jenny. She disappeared to put them in the dryer while the men went into

the living room. Melissa looked at them in their boxers and rolled her eyes. She

had given up on them having a sense of propriety about walking around in such a

state of undress.

Jerry sat down and asked, "Melissa, how are you holding up?"

"Much better, I think," she answered. She looked at her brother and father

sitting around in their boxers. There was something kind of reassuring about it.

It was the kind of behavior that was normal for them and convinced her that

things hadn't really changed for the worse. Sure, there were times when they

were crude, rude, and disgusting, but they were always honest in how they felt.

She decided that she'd take honest over the pretentious any day. In a much

stronger voice, she said, "Yes. I'm holding up much better now."

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