Hell Hath No Fury

“Give Jennifer a call.” No dish towels this time. “She wants to leave her Moms apartment and go back to your place. I think she should too. I don’t mind if she stays at the house. Just try to get her out of there, please?”

“Okay.”

“Love you, bye.”

Before I could say anything I heard the click on the other side.

Well, double shit.

I looked at the phone in my hand. What the hell was going on at the other house that had Alice so shook? My exgirlfriend was a businesswoman and was usually pretty good under pressure. But what really had me bothered was that she said please.

I learned that where she was raised please and thank you’you were far and few between.  Something Lurch (my nickname for her father) tried to instill in all his children. To say ‘please’ was like begging to him. Thank you was even worse. That meant to him that you were accepting, humbly, someone’s gift. If you couldn’t get it on your own you didn’t need it. There wasn’t anything he couldn’t get anything. A really nice family man. Stiff neck bastard.

The three years Alice and I were together I, sort of, trained her to say thanks for passing the salt and pepper. For all that money she had her table manners around me were bad, really bad. She did okay at social gatherings but not personal.

So here was my ex saying please get my current girlfriend/niece out of her mothers house.
What was I going to do?

I called Jennifer.

On the third ring Jen picked up. “Hello, McGuire’s residence.” It wasn’t a happy greeting.

“Jen, its Gene are you all right? Where’s your Mom?” I was starting top get a bad feeling; I knew where she was.

“She left after breakfast, Uncle Gene.” I could hear the sadness in her voice. “She called and said she wouldn’t be home till late. I haven’t been out of here almost all day. Can I come home, Uncle Gene? This isn’t home anymore. My mom doesn’t care anymore.”

The sniffling and sobs were coming faster. I held the receiver so tight my fingers hurt.

“Have you eaten anything, I asked?  I knew she snacked all day on Saturday while at the house. Even then I we went out she’d pack in a dinner worthy of a growing boy, not a girl. All I wanted to do was hold her and make it better.

“Mom left some money on the table.” The sniffles kept coming. I use to laugh when her nose would get stuffed up. Not anymore. “I went to Loonies and got a cheeseburger, but I’m still hungry. Gene I want to go back to my house. I want to be with you.”

Well it didn’t take long to decide what to do. I had pretty much decided before I called, Jennifer was going to stay with me.

“Pack your suitcase Jennifer. You’re coming home.” I was getting angry now. Maybe it was all the stupid parents who had kids then thought about them as much as the stove. Maybe it was just the way Jennifer was sobbing just then. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.” 

Jennifer picked up on my anger. “Uncle Gene, I didn’t do anyfing wong, really I didn’t. Mom said she had a meeting all day then she called.” I almost could hear the tears hitting the phone.” My nose is stuped up. I can be ready’ really I can. Don’t be mad.” The last part was a whisper. I really am a ass, sometimes.

“It’s not you Jen, I shouldn’t have just let you go. Just get ready, I’ll be there soon.” What else was I going to say?

“I’b be reddy, Gene. Unka Gene?”

“Yes?”

“I lub you”

There was total silence on the line. Three years together and those words had a whole new meaning. Triple Shit.

“I love you to Jennifer McGuire.” The words seemed to be coming out of my mouth in slow motion. I heard every letter. What the hell was I saying? “Now please hang up the phone and get ready. Think about what you want to eat.”

Bisgetti at Khripis’, zilly. Bye Gene. Her nose was totally stuffed up now.

Click.

I drove over there as fast as I could. Halfway there I realized Jennifer had called me Gene. Not Uncle Gene, just Gene. Things appeared to be changing, and changing really fast.

Alice had ask me what the hell was I going to do when she got older? The question was; what was I going to do now!

I picked up my girlfriend/niece. Her eyes were still red but the tears were gone. Jennifer jumped into my arms as the door opened. The warmth of her little body was incredible. We got her bag and left the bitch a note. I didn’t say bitch in the note, tramp, slut, whore would of fit just as well. We went to eat. 

Except for breakfast I hadn’t had anything all day. We both ordered Spaghetti at Chris’ with extra garlic bread. Jennifer finished her adult portion and was working on mine when Maggie the restaurant manager/hostess/waitress came over.

“Gene you really should feed this girl of yours more often. How about dessert?”

I was about to order cheesecake, our favorite, when I saw Jens eyes turn dark. Oh triple shit!

Before I could say anything Jen got cranked up. “Gene feeds me just fine. It was my mom. She left me alone all day. Gene saved me and we’re going home.”

Maggie, bless her heart just said “OK”. I ordered cheesecake and two forks.

I looked at Jennifer. Her eyes were hazel again. Another fork of my spaghetti was finding it way into her mouth. “Jen, you don’t have to defend me,” I whispered across the table. “Maggie knows I care about you. You have to relax. If something bad happens you can always come to me.”

“I know Uncle Gene. It’s just...” I dun. I could see that poor Jennifer had a bunch of emotions running through her head right now. She dropped her head, looking at her empty plate.

“Don’t know what? You can’t get angry with every female that talks to me.” First it was Alice now Maggie. You’ve known Maggie for years. She likes you a lot. She always has. It was Alice that asked me come get you. She called me after she talked to you, she was worried”

That brought her head back up. “She did?”

“Ya she did. So cut her a little slack. She doesn’t mind if you’re at the house or not. I think she likes you.” I wasn’t so sure about the last part but I thought I’d plant the idea in Jens brain anyway.

Well, I guess?” was all I got from her.

We got home late. I still needed to go grocery shopping. But that could wait till tomorrow. It wasn’t too late that we did get a little TV in. TV in the late 60’s’s was a mix of cop shows and sit-coms and the Saturday night movie. We loved them all. Jennifer got into her pj’s dragged her pillow into the living room. 

I really wasn’t paying attention to Jen right then but I did after her pillow hit me in the groin.”OOF! Jen take it easy?”

Her eyes started tearing up again. “I’m sorry Uncle Gene. I didn’t mean to hurt you I just wanted to watch TV with you?”

“You didn’t hurt me. It was just a surprise, that’s all.” I stroked the side of her face. Her brown hair was tangled from not enough brushing. So I pushed it out of the way. Her face and her neck were still warm. “Come on up here and get settled.”

Her smile returned in an instant. She got up on the couch arranged her pillow on my lap and laid down. Her head was facing the TV. “I missed this last night,” Jen said.  “I didn’t watch any TV last night. Moms TV is still broken.”

Linda and Garys' TV went out three months ago. I guess their priorities had really changed. I knew who Linda was having sex with. I didn’t know who my brother’s new piece of ass was. (Excuse me, his new girlfriend was.)

Don’t ask why I said what I did. I had been living with this seven-year-old for two years. I’d seen the separation slowly draw Jennifer away from her parents as their marriage dissolved before her eyes. I should have kept my mouth shut. “So your Moms TV is broke. Is that why you wanted to come back?” I’m not the brightest bulb in the package.

Jennifer turned over on her back to look at me. “I love you, Uncle Gene. I told Alice that and I meant it.” The last time I’d seen that look was when we first saw Alice at the restaurant. “She knows it, I think.  We talked about you for a long time.”

Here I was talking to my current girlfriend. (Read into that seven years old, cute, not a clue about boys, except for Alan who taught her about kissing. Who was just finishing second grade.) Who had talked to my exgirlfriend of three years. (Read into that thirty-three years old, beautiful, well traveled, way above my pay grade, and well educated, talking together about ME! I could feel a stroke coming on.

“Why would you want to talk about me?” Like I said not the brightest bulb.

“I’m your girlfriend now and I need to know how. I’ve never had one before.” Poor Jennifers eyes were turning a deeper shade of brown. “You said I was remember? We don’t even kiss on the lips! You said we would even have a secret kiss. You’ve kissed Alice when she was you girlfriend. You even kissed Ann-somebody while Alice was there!” Her eyes were getting darker by the minute. “SSOOO, why not ME?”

I could feel my heart triple hammering inside of me. Triple shit, I had to do something. I looked at Jens beautiful face wanting me to say something that would make her happy.

I told Alice I wasn’t a pedophile and I wasn’t. I should have been scared as hell when Anns’ name was brought up but I wasn’t. What really scared me was one simple thought. ‘If I say the wrong thing she won’t be here in the morning. Permanent Loser Time.’

I slowly stroked the side of her face like I had done so often before. My fingers slid through her hair. Her eyes slowly closed and a smile appeared on her lips. The tension that had been building in her little body seemed to drain from her.

We stayed this way for better than a half-hour. I stoked the side of her face. Her slow breathing, the occasional sob. Then a joy settled into me.

It was then that I realized it couldn’t possibly get any better then that half-hour we spent together. For two years I had seen Jennifers’ world slowly fall apart. Her mothers desire to convince herself that getting a job was the way to happiness. The work pulled her further away from Jennifer and even my brother.  Not that he did do anything to make it better. Gary probably had his own girlfriend somewhere. Then there was Jennifer’s realization that Linda had found someone else, her boss.  The visits home became shorter and further apart. Now her and Bruce were going away for three weeks together. What pain would that bring?

This last trip home put the final brick in the wall between them. If Linda demanded that Jennifer come home now we’d all loose. I was all she had and that wasn’t much. A bachelor with no apparent girlfriend of his own. Everything I learned about children was from Jen herself or her best friend Mary. My parenting skills weren’t the best but the things we liked took on whole new meanings. What would they mean to me if Jen weren’t here?

My mind tripped on the good times we had. Even some of the bad ones then, now were pretty funny. My fingers continued to stroke the side of her face. 

I didn’t feel it coming. 

Have you ever felt a butterfly on the palm of your hand? That’s what it felt like. Soft wisps of air gently landing on your palm. I froze my hand. I didn’t want to hurt the butterfly. 

Jennifer had turned her face toward my hand her lips had brushed my palm. Through the long brown hair I could see her lips move as she breathed. I felt the moist warm air of her breath caress my palm. She must have found the place she was looking for or something inside her said, now. Her lips pressed against my palm. I felt all the warmth and love in that first kiss. I heard the unmistakable sound of soft lips being pulled away.

I could see her gazing at the spot she had kissed. In a sad and unsure voice my Jennifer said, “I love you Uncle Gene. You don’t have to kiss me, if you don’t wanna. I don’t even have to be your girlfriend. Just be here.”

With my other hand I brushed her hair away from her face. I could see and feel her lips slowly kiss again and again the palm of my hand. Both of her small hands held mine as she pressed her face into my palm. Between every kiss she whispered “I love you”. I could feel her tears wetting my palm. I was powerless to move.

Here was something I had never experienced before. Alice and I had been very close while we were together, as close to being married as I ever had. Then after having had sex with Ann, and everything that followed, I imagined the perfect partner in bed. Someone willing to do anything to keep you satisfied. If I could have had the best of both to my mind it would have been a perfect relationship with the perfect woman. 

As with any relationship it was a tradeoff. You had to give up something in return. Alice was a businesswoman. Heir to one of the largest public relation firms in the country. I was important in her life, but I felt I was second place. I knew she wouldn’t ever leave Chicago and I didn’t want to leave North Carolina.  Ann was something else all together. I saw us as a flare burning bright in passion. Her desire to have my baby, years ago, overrode her good sense and almost killed Alices’ friendship and my love. Everyone wanted something.  

But here was someone who didn’t want anything; I didn’t want to give up. I didn’t even have to come up with some lame excuse why I couldn’t kiss her. She was willing to accept almost anything, not out of love, as I knew it, but out of a child’s love that I would be there for her, always. Not like her parents.

Slowly Jennifer ran out of energy and she fell asleep with her face still buried in the palm of my hand. The long day and all of the emotions drained out of her. Only the small rumbling of her sleep and her breath on my hand kept me company. 

It was after midnight when I finally picked her up and carried her, pillow and all, into her room. Through the light in the door I placed her on her bed and covered her with a blanket. I smiled as I knelt by the side and brushed away the hair on her forehead. All I could do was admire this seven-year-old and all the crap her parents were putting her through.

“Jennifer McGuire, I love you,” I whispered. “If you were fifteen or twenty years older I would kiss you every day. I would hold you tight and tell you about how much I truly love you. I would even show you all the wonderful things of grown-up love, but I can’t.”

I stared into her sleeping face. “In twenty years you might be married and have children of your own. Or you might be out in the world, dazzling everyone with your brains as well as beauty. But know this, my seven year old girlfriend, my love, I will always be IN love with you.”

I carefully leaned over and so very lightly kissed her lips. I could taste her tears. One of my tears rolled off my cheek and hit her on the nose. There was a slight groaning below me as Jennifer rolled on her side. It was the first time I had kissed her on the lips.

I closed the door to her room. Could I ever wash that hand again? Now what was I to do? 

Little did I know that I would ask that same question a thousand times over the next week.

XxXxXxX

Morning came way too early to the McGuire house. I hit the brew switch and got down the jelly jars again. This time I smiled pouring the juice, knowing that someone would be here to drink the other one.

Even though it was almost nine in the morning, it still felt like three am. My sleep was not the best I’d ever had. Hell, I’d slept better on the carrier while they were testing jet engines above me. Dreams of brown hared girls, smiles and tears. It seemed I always woke up at the tears part.

I was about to see if Jen was about ready to join the land of the living when the doorbell rang.  I saw the car in the driveway, Linda. “Come on in Linda,” I yelled out. ‘Triple shit’ I thought.

I was coming into the living room with juice and coffee when she walked in and sat down. How do I describe her mood?

Well I can’t. I couldn’t tell a damn thing. She was quiet and looked around as if this was her first time here. She wasn’t mad, sad, angry, or upset. Dazed would be a good way of putting it.

“Would you like a cup of coffee, Linda?” I asked.

She shook her head. “No thanks Gene. I have only one in the morning.” There was a small smile on her lips.

“And you’ve had how many?” 

“I dunno. How many does a pot hold?”

“Then you’ve had ten. That’s enough for the next two weeks.” I wondered where this was going. “Do you need the bathroom?”

“I need my daughter Gene. Where is she?” The look she gave me was suppose to be intimidating, I guess. With all the caffeine in her, her hands were starting to shake. She wasn’t concentrating. She was looking more and more unstable.

“She’s asleep right now. After I picked her up we went to get something to eat. Then we stayed up and watched TV and fell asleep.” Time for a deep breath. “What do you really want, Linda?”

“I told you, I want my daughter. You’re not her father, you’re her Uncle.” Linda took a deep breath of her own. You may think you have her, but all you have is a piece of paper if she gets hurt. It’s not even a guardianship.” The thin smile on her lips told me she thought the war was won.

I looked right into that smile and said. “So how was the meeting yesterday? Everything okay with Bruce? Sure did last a long time? Way past 8pm I guess?” The smile crumbled.

“I-I-I’m not hear to talk about my day I’m taking my daughter.”

“NO YOUR NOT, MOTHER,” came a very loud voice form a very small person. “YOU’RE NOT TAKING ME ANYWHERE! I want to stay with Uncle Gene. You don’t care about me anymore. I hear you talking on the phone. The teasing playground voice, I’d heard before, started “Oh Bruce of course you can, anytime.” The imitation of Linda talking on the phone was a crushing blow. Did Linda really pick the tops of her ears, when she was on the phone? “That’s okay. She’ll be at my brother-in laws all week. Na, He doesn’t mind at all. I think he’s a little sweet on her. No, not that way. He acts like he’s her father should. Would you like a nice sloppy...”

“JENNIFER, STOP.” The sound of my voice scared the crap out of the three of us.

Now my hands were shaking. “Jen here’s your juice. I forgot your cereal. Could you go get it, please.” Looked as Lindas' eyes followed Jennifer into the kitchen.

“They hear everything, Linda. Every word, every tone in a persons voice. Not only what you say but how you say it. She knows that you’re screwing Bruce.” You don’t know how good it felt to say that. “You can do what ever you want but Jennifer has been dragged through enough crap to last a life time. She doesn’t have to be involved in yours or Gary’s life. Let her stay here.”

“What if I just take her. You can’t stop me, even though I’m not your idea of a mother I still am her mother. She could go to my mothers.”

Rochester Minnesota? You have to be kidding. You stopped talking to them before you and Gary were married. Besides I know Bruce.” Time to end this, I thought. Jen and I had to go grocery shopping.

Her eyes practically fell out of her head. She looked for the lie. There was no lie to be found.

“Rotary,” I said.

“Huh?”

“Rotary Club. We both belong to the Rotary. I can’t believe you’d go for some balding guy.”

She saw what was coming. She takes Jennifer; I call Bruce and expose them for all to see, Mrs. Bruce finds out, Mr Bruce’s life turns to crap, and it all rolls down hill. Landing on Linda’s plate. Linda’s hands went up into the air. “Okay, I give up. How do you want to play this.”

“Everything stays as it is. You and Gary are welcomed here any time for supper. Jen doesn’t go back to the apartment anymore. She stays here. You both can do your thing with whom ever but here its happy family time. I want full Guardianship of Jennifer.” That covered just about everything.

“Gary won’t go for it.” Linda sounded positive. Knowing my brother that was probably true.

I sat there for a minute as Jennifer came back with her bowel of Captain Crunch. The problem was she was trying to be invisible with a spotlight on her. She kept sneaking looks at me.

“Jen? Who does you father call when he’s home.” I asked.

“Eva,” came a reply so smooth I had to hide my smile behind a cough. 

“What?” was Lindas response to that little revelation.

“You sure?” Linda still didn’t know about the ears of a seven-year-old. 

Jennifer just looked at her mom like she was retarded. Carefully she put her cereal down and assumed the now famous telephone position. “Of course Eva.” This time it was a lower voice. “You know I love your blond hair. Nothing better than a nice big pair of...”

“Thanks Jen, That’s enough...” That was all I got out. She almost had me on the floor.

“THAT SON OF A BITCH!” Talk about getting cranked up. Now I knew where Jen got it from. It was hereditary. “Eva? My hairdresser for Christ sake! No wonder she smiles everytime I come in. The fucking bitch is twenty years old. I’ll drowned the fucking bastard in her fucking blood!”

“Linda! Calm down, killing him won’t do any good.” As I calmed down Linda, her daughter picked up her bowel and walked past me with a little smile. Did I want to be with someone that devious forever?

“You’ll get your paper, Gene. One signature or two, I really don’t care right now. Then we said a few more words that meant nothing and she left.

XxXxXxX

I walked into the kitchen and Jen was standing on her stool washing her bowel. “Is Mom gone?”

“You know she is.”

“Am I staying?” She hadn’t moved from the sink.

“Yes you are. And you know that too. Ask the real question, Jennifer.” There was something else. 

She turned around and looked at me and walked to the kitchen table. “Last night we kissed.”

“Yes.” I really needed to sit down.

“When are we going to have a real kiss?” Her eyes were on mine.

“That wasn’t a real kiss?” I sat at the table wondering why couldn’t life be simple.

“I just kissed your hand. I know I said you didn’t haff’ta. But it would be nice.”

“I don’t know Jen. Why is it so important?”

“Cause Gina says you can’t really be a girlfriend until you’ve kissed your boyfriend on the lips”

“Who is Gina?” Shit I thought is this someone else I’m going to have to watch out for?

I guess everyone gets strange thoughts from time to time. There was Jennifer was sitting across the table from me. Even though she was still two months away from her eighth birthday she was sitting a lot higher than before. Her hands laying flat on the table reached several feet towards me.

“She’s a friend in fifth grade. She has a boyfriend and I’ve seen them kiss. It’s way cool. They got caught kissing and Mrs. Bryant had a cow.” I could see a smile forming on her lips. “Their parents were called and they said ain’t no way such a thing coulda happened. It was a hellova fight.”

“Jen, please don’t cuss, and don’t say ain’t.”

“Why? Everyone says ain’t, even Mrs. Bryant and the teachers. Mary says ain’t.” Her eyes told me she really didn’t know why.

Slowly I leaned over the table and took her small hands in mine. “Only because, as your boyfriend, I asked you to.”

Jen nodded her head but her eyes were on her hands in mind.

Slowly I got up from the chair and bent over the table. With my hands holding hers I bent down.

She saw the shadow of my head as it closed on her small hands. Jen gasped, in surprise, as she realized what I was about to do. Her eyes darted between my face and her hands unsure of what was next. Captain Crunch, milk, and sleep, that’s what I remember smelling, as I put her palms in my face. I looked and could see the tiny lines in the palm of her hands. I slowly pressed my lips into the palm of her hand. Her fingers involuntary tightened around my face holding me tight. As my lips pressed into her palm her grip tightened. I could feel as well as hear her gasp. 

As I lifted my head I looked at her face. It was a mass of confusion. Her lips were trembling and she was fighting for breath. Jennifers eyes were moist with tearing as if she were fighting back tears.

“I love you,” was all I said.

It was probably only a few seconds before Jennifer had run acoss the table and was in my lap her head in my chest. The tears flowing freely, gasping for air, her head slowly trying to bury itself in me. 

Right then and there I knew I had messed up. I didn’t want Jennifer in my bed. A girlfriend, as things were, sure. It was fun to be around her. With all her energy and innocent questions she was, well, Jennifer. We liked the same things, hated the same things. The problem was I might have, double shit, I did make it harder for her to leave.

I was looking forward to her going out after school with some boy. Actually going on dates. I didn’t want to teach her about life, damn it. I had just made that harder.

I looked down at her brunette head moving left and right across my shirt.

“Jen?” I asked. “Are you wiping your nose on my T-shirt?”

Her head stopped moving. Then I heard her giggle as she bobbed her head.

I raised her head and her face was a mess. “I’m not taking my girl looking like that. Go take a shower and get dressed. We have to go to the Pig and get stuff for next week.

As fast as the well-known bullet and landed a quick kiss on my cheek and was running for her room.

Halfway down the hall Jen turned and looked at me. “I’m going to ask Marys mom if I can sleep over next week, okay?”

“Okay.”

What was I to do now?