HEROES
by Frank Downey
\pard Part Five
--TWENTY-TWO--\b0
My parents had had plans to go away for the weekend. They offered to cancel them. I know they were worried about me, because of Sam. I assured them I was fine. I don\rquote t know if they were quite convinced, but when I told my mother \b my\b0 plans, she laughed and agreed.
Friday Craig picked me up for a date.
\ldblquote My parents are going away for the weekend,\rdblquote I told him.
\ldblquote Ah,\rdblquote he said.
\ldblquote So, I was wondering,\rdblquote I continued. \ldblquote I really don\rquote t want to be in that big house all alone all weekend.\rdblquote Craig laughed--I was pouring it on thick and we both knew it. \ldblquote So, how about you staying over tomorrow night?\rdblquote
We had gotten to a red light. Craig turned and looked at me. \ldblquote Do you mean stay over, or stay \b over\b0 ?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Whatsoever do you mean?\rdblquote I said, grinning.
\ldblquote I mean, are you going to show me to your guest room?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Not on your life, Lyubovnik.\rdblquote
He had to drive again, so he waited until we got to the next red light. \ldblquote Are you sure?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yup. How do you feel about it?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I\rquote m getting a woody just thinking about it,\rdblquote he laughed.
\ldblquote Good answer, Lyubovnik.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I\rquote ve been fantasizing about it since our first date. I just didn\rquote t want to rush you.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You haven\rquote t. But I want it, and I want it bad,\rdblquote I admitted. \ldblquote And only with you.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Good.\rdblquote He sighed. \ldblquote My problem is, you said stay over. I have a curfew.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Leave that to me. Take me to your house after we eat.\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK,\rdblquote he said warily.
What I was about to do next might be considered strange. But I\rquote m not a huge fan of sneaking. I understand some people have to do it--some parents are just ridiculous. But my parents knew what I was going to be up to. And I didn\rquote t think Craig\rquote s parents were going to freak. If we\rquote re old enough to make love, we should be old enough to deal with this in a mature manner, right? Yeah, I know--Craig would say my 30-year-old side was peeking out again. But I really didn\rquote t like sneaking. Craig had a curfew. I didn\rquote t want him to lie to get around it. And we wouldn\rquote t be out carousing past his curfew, we\rquote d be home. Just not \b his\b0 home.
The problem was--I knew it was his mother I was going to have to get by. And mothers and sons don\rquote t talk about sex all that easily. So, I figured I was going to have to be the one to bring it up. And, to be particular about it, it wasn\rquote t really about sex. We could have sex at any time. We could be having sex right \b now\b0 . It was about breaking his curfew, because I didn\rquote t want him to have to finish up after our first time and then hit the road. Though I knew that you-know-what would come into the conversation.
So, we went over his house. And I cornered his mother in the kitchen.
\ldblquote Mrs. Tolland? I\rquote d like to ask your permission for Craig to break his curfew tomorrow night.\rdblquote
\ldblquote What for, Ginny?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I\rquote m alone in my house this weekend. I\rquote d like Craig to stay over and keep me company.\rdblquote
She was leaning into her refrigerator, not looking at me. \ldblquote You have a guest room at your place, Ginny, or you going to make him sleep on the couch?\rdblquote she said with a grin I could hear.
I waited to answer that, until she\rquote d straightened up out of the refrigerator. Like I said, no sneaking, and I wanted to see her face when I answered that. I looked right at her and told her the truth. \ldblquote Yes, Mrs. Tolland, we have a couple of guest rooms. But Craig won\rquote t be using any of them.\rdblquote
She looked right back. \ldblquote Are you asking me permission to have sex with my son?\rdblquote
\ldblquote No,\rdblquote I said, and told her what I\rquote d thought earlier. \ldblquote We could do that without breaking curfew. We could be doing that this moment if we wanted to. No, I\rquote m asking your permission to keep him there overnight afterwards.\rdblquote I gave her a little smile. \ldblquote It\rquote s going to be my first time. I want the full-night unlimited cuddle afterwards.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You are an extremely unusual girl, Ginny Klusse.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, that\rquote s a given,\rdblquote I grinned.
\ldblquote Do your parents know what you\rquote ve got planned?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yes. Well, Mom does. She\rquote s very open. I\rquote m sure she\rquote s given Dad a heads up as well, but she\rquote s who I talked to about it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK.\rdblquote She took a breath. \ldblquote Craig has a curfew, mainly, because we don\rquote t want him out driving late at night. He\rquote s only had his license for a short time, his judgement may be impaired when he\rquote s tired, and all the nuts and drunks are out late at night. If I give him permission to break his curfew, I want your guarantee that neither of you will be out driving past eleven.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You\rquote ve got it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Good. I\rquote ll tell him later.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Thanks,\rdblquote I grinned.
He called me the next morning. \ldblquote OK, what the hell happened?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Hm?\rdblquote I said.
\ldblquote My mother just told me she knows I\rquote m not coming home tonight and it\rquote s OK with her. What the heck did you tell her?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Don\rquote t worry about it. She said it\rquote s OK, right? I just told her I needed company tonight.\rdblquote I wasn\rquote t going to embarrass him!
\ldblquote OK,\rdblquote he said warily.
\ldblquote And you\rquote re coming for dinner. I\rquote m cooking.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Woah. The full works!\rdblquote His voice dropped. \ldblquote Uh, do I need to stop at a drug store on the way?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Nope. Got that covered. All I need is you.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You got it.\rdblquote
\b TWENTY-THREE\b0
He got there about five. I cooked. I\rquote m not bad at cooking certain things. I made Boeuf Bourgingon, something I\rquote d known how to make for a while. It came out great.
I\rquote d asked my Mom if I could pull a bottle of wine out of the wine cellar, and she agreed. A good red wine goes well with Boeuf Bourgingon--hell, there\rquote s wine \b in\b0 it! We each had a glass with supper, then took the bottle into the living room with us.
We watched TV for a bit. Then I grabbed the wine--there was still quite a bit left--and the two glasses, and stood up. \ldblquote Let\rquote s finish this upstairs,\rdblquote I said.
\ldblquote OK,\rdblquote Craig replied. I led him to my bedroom. We sat on the bed. I poured us each another glass. You know, enough to get us relaxed, but not tipsy or anything. We ended up sitting in my bed, up against the headboard, still clothed, drinking the wine.
\ldblquote You OK?\rdblquote I said.
\ldblquote Yeah. Nervous,\rdblquote he admitted.
\ldblquote That makes two of us. That\rquote s what the wine\rquote s for,\rdblquote I giggled.
\ldblquote This is actually the first time I\rquote ve ever had wine. You know teenaged boys, when they get their hands on something to drink. \lquote BEER!\rquote\rdblquote
I laughed. \ldblquote I actually hate the taste of beer. I like wine, though.\rdblquote
\ldblquote It\rquote s good,\rdblquote he agreed. \ldblquote Especially with that dinner you made. Much more refined than beer.\rdblquote
\ldblquote That\rquote s the idea.\rdblquote
\ldblquote How long have you been planning this?\rdblquote he asked.
\ldblquote Two days,\rdblquote I grinned.
\ldblquote Dinner, wine, empty house, no curfew for Craig--all in two days? That\rquote s pretty impressive.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, I didn\rquote t have time to cover the bed with rose petals, but the rest worked OK. So far,\rdblquote I said impishly. \ldblquote You know, this big brain of mine comes in handy sometimes.\rdblquote
\ldblquote It does, huh? Well, I guess that gives me my marching orders for the evening.\rdblquote He drained the rest of his wine. I followed suit.
\ldblquote What marching orders are they?\rdblquote I asked.
\ldblquote That big brain of yours?\rdblquote he said, as he pulled me into his arms. \ldblquote I\rquote m going to try to short-circuit it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oooh, won\rquote t that be fun!\rdblquote He kissed me then, long and deep. \ldblquote Not nervous anymore, Lyubovnik?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yes. But turned on. And in love, so it balances out.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Ditto. To all of those. Kiss me again.\rdblquote And so he did.
Damn, I felt so comfortable with him!
He broke the kiss again and his hands went to the buttons on my blouse. I grinned up at him. \ldblquote So, do you have any specific ideas of how to short-circuit my brain?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I have a few,\rdblquote he said.
\ldblquote If you get stumped, I might have some.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Listen to us,\rdblquote he laughed. \ldblquote The two blushing virgins, going on like we\rquote re Casanova.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I may be a blushing virgin, but I \b do\b0 read. I\rquote ve done my research.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah, now \b there\rquote s\b0 a shock,\rdblquote he chuckled. \ldblquote However, I need to tell you, Brainiac, that I also did my homework.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Goody!\rdblquote
He had my blouse completely unbuttoned by now, and I sat up a bit to help him get it off. Then he went for the bra. \ldblquote You know what?\rdblquote he said. \ldblquote The wine worked.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yup,\rdblquote I said. \ldblquote What my mother always says is, \lquote Not so much that you get drunk, but just enough to get a glow.\rquote\rdblquote
\ldblquote You glow anyway,\rdblquote he said.
Damn, my heart skipped a beat at that! Mercy me. That was just the type of thing, a casual tossed-off compliment, to get me right where I live. If you pour it on too think, I question your sincerity. But something like this? Completely gets me.
Jesus! How did this guy know me so well?
By this point, I was naked from the waist up and he was playing with the ol\rquote tittie while he kissed me. Then, he kissed his way down. As I\rquote ve said, it wasn\rquote t the first time for that bit. Not that I\rquote m complaining, mind you, I loved it. But it not being the first time for that probably explains why I was still so relaxed. Being relaxed is not my thing. But I was plenty relaxed at the moment, sighing happily while he sucked on my nipple.
Then again, the wine did help.
And it\rquote s a good thing. I was wearing a skirt, you see. And one of his hands was rapidly crawling up my leg. And then a finger swiped its way up my panties.
Boy, didn\rquote t \b that\b0 feel nice!
It didn\rquote t take long before Craig was tugging at my panties, trying to get them off. I raised my ass off the bed to help him. While he was getting them off my feet, I reached around and unsnapped my skirt. When he looked back up, I was stark naked.
OK, so I was nervous. I think I\rquote ve established that I wasn\rquote t thrilled with my body.
I should\rquote ve known better. Craig\rquote s eyes were locked onto me--\b all\b0 of me. \ldblquote God, you\rquote re beautiful,\rdblquote he gasped. I don\rquote t know if I\rquote d ever agree with that, but it was nice that somebody thought so!
He also looked like he was about to pounce! Which was a nice thought, but there was some unfinished business. \ldblquote Your turn,\rdblquote I said, and started tugging on his shirt. He laughed and got the picture. Between the two of us, we managed to get his shirt and pants off. He stood up and took care of the boxer shorts himself.
Uh...well....you know, I\rquote d thought I was fully prepared for this. I wanted it, I was sure of that. I\rquote d been dreaming of it since puberty--which, for me, was at about eleven--and I definitely now wanted it with Craig specifically. I\rquote d prepared myself. And I wasn\rquote t kidding about the research. I was a voracious reader anyhow--adding \lquote naughty stuff\rquote to my reading repertoire was something I\rquote d done some time ago. Not only that, but I\rquote d read all the \lquote instructional\rquote stuff, too--for me, that was just more education. Well, mostly. And I wasn\rquote t above peeking at pictures or the odd video on the internet.
So, I was ready already, right? Well....shit. As soon as Craig dropped his undershorts, I quickly realized my mistake. Apparently, even your basic oversized porn star dick looks small on a seventeen-inch monitor. Seeing one in the, er, flesh was completely different.
I couldn\rquote t take my eyes off of it. Don\rquote t ask me size, I didn\rquote t have a ruler handy, and had no basis of comparison. But when I saw that...thing sticking out from my boyfriend\rquote s groin, I had two thoughts. One was \lquote God, I want him!\rquote The second was, \lquote How in \b hell\b0 is that thing gonna \b fit\b0 ?\rquote
As Craig lowered himself back next to me on the bed, I unwittingly verbalized the latter.
Craig just laughed. \ldblquote Hey, your equipment\rquote s designed to let a baby out. I think it can take me.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Babies hurt,\rdblquote I said pedantically.
He got a solemn look on his face. \ldblquote Well, from what I understand, this won\rquote t be painless, either. You know I\rquote ll be gentle, but...\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, I don\rquote t have a hymen,\rdblquote I told him. \ldblquote Don\rquote t know what happened to it, but it\rquote s not there.\rdblquote I looked down at his dick. Somehow, my hand had involuntarily wrapped itself around it. \ldblquote But you\rquote re so \b big\b0 !\rdblquote
\ldblquote Just average, from what I can tell.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Coulda fooled \b me\b0 !\rdblquote I exclaimed.
He reached out and grabbed my ass. \ldblquote Damn, you\rquote re good for my ego,\rdblquote he laughed. \ldblquote Anyhow, it\rquote s gonna fit. I promise. I\rquote ll just have to work you up first.\rdblquote He looked down at my hand, which was still--with no real input from my brain--tugging on his dick. \ldblquote Of course, I think that\rquote s working the other way around at the moment.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You want I should stop?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Not necessarily. But do you want me to cum all over your hand?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, I read that if you cum first, you\rquote ll last longer inside me. And since you\rquote re sixteen, I\rquote m counting on a quick recovery anyhow.\rdblquote
He broke up laughing. \ldblquote Figures. I get to have my first time with the most analytical and logical teenager in the universe.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You complaining?\rdblquote
\ldblquote No,\rdblquote he said, but then he grimaced.
\ldblquote Something wrong?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Uh, well, when I do myself, you see, I usually use something. Hand lotion or something.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh,\rdblquote I said, and pulled my hand away from his dick. I reached over him to open the drawer in my night table, and withdrew a tube of KY. \ldblquote Something like this?\rdblquote
He chuckled. \ldblquote Analytical, logical, and prepared. You did go to the drug store.\rdblquote He peered in the open drawer. \ldblquote Didn\rquote t you buy anything else?\rdblquote
I quickly twigged onto his meaning. \ldblquote Don\rquote t need those. We\rquote re both virgins, so disease isn\rquote t a worry. As for the other thing, I\rquote m on the pill.\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK,\rdblquote he said. I put a dab of the KY on my hand, and reached back down. \ldblquote Oooooh!\rdblquote he moaned.
\ldblquote Better?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Heaven,\rdblquote he said. His hand went back to my ass. \ldblquote God, I\rquote ve wanted my hands on your bare ass for over a year.\rdblquote I couldn\rquote t help but giggle at that.
Now that I\rquote d gotten going, I was enjoying it. His dick was hard but still soft, and nice and warm. I liked it in my hand, a lot. And I found out I really liked his hand on my ass!
As for him, I do believe he was enjoying himself, what with all that moaning and groaning. His other hand--the one that wasn\rquote t on my ass--was clutching a boob, which was also fun.
It didn\rquote t take long at all before he yelped \ldblquote GINNY!\rdblquote and my hand got very, very wet.
I reached down behind me on the floor for a towel. Yes, I\rquote d had some handy--I\rquote d read about wet spots and this was my bed, after all! This one I just used to wipe off my hand. Then I looked at him, still flushed and breathing heavy.
\ldblquote You gonna live?\rdblquote I asked.
\ldblquote Most definitely.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You gonna recover?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Eventually,\rdblquote he laughed. He flipped over so he was facing me, and kissed me, long and deep--while his hands roamed all over me. He broke the kiss and said, \ldblquote I think I\rquote ll have to play a bit while I recuperate.\rdblquote
\ldblquote That sounds like fun,\rdblquote I grinned. He grinned back, and quickly lowered his lips to my nipple.
My arousal, while never completely disappearing, had gone to a low hum while I was jacking him off. It was fun, and sexy, but I was concentrating on him and my arousal had kind of gone on the back burners. Well, no more for that. His mouth on my nipple was working me back up, and he had a hand lazily cupping my pussy. Not doing much, mind you, just making contact. It was warm, and very nice. Oh, and arousing. Definitely that.
Then he kissed my stomach! Well, who the hell would\rquote ve guessed that? It made me jump, even. Especially when he kissed my belly button!
And then he kept going. And I quickly figured out where he was headed. Now, of course, I\rquote d read about this--but didn\rquote t expect it, not tonight especially!
But I wasn\rquote t going to turn it down. In fact, when it looked like he\rquote d stopped the forward progress, I stifled an impatient groan. But stifle it I did--I didn\rquote t want to be a demanding bitch or anything--and I was glad I did when I realized why he\rquote d stopped: he\rquote d seen the towels on the floor, divined their purpose, and was reaching for one. \ldblquote Raise your hips, honey,\rdblquote he said. I did.
Next thing I knew I had a tongue on my pussy--and boy did that feel fantastic!
It was unbelievable. His tongue seemed to hit, just right, every nook and cranny of my labia. Then he stuck it into my opening, and wasn\rquote t that a trip! After a bit of that, he went for the clittie.
I think I jumped five feet in the air.
\ldblquote Too much?\rdblquote he asked.
\ldblquote N-no,\rdblquote I managed. He swept down my pussy again, then back up. I managed to confine the jumping to a couple of feet that time. \ldblquote God,\rdblquote I gasped, \ldblquote you sure you\rquote ve never done this?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Nope,\rdblquote he said mildly. \ldblquote Told you--did my research.\rdblquote Then he went back to his tongue on my pussy.
That\rquote s when it hit me, right upside the head. It all added up, right in that minute.
I\rquote d gotten hints the whole time we were going out. Hell, I\rquote d gotten hints last year, in Chem lab.
Craig didn\rquote t have my grades. Of course, nobody did. He did well, but he wasn\rquote t going to be valedictorian, and I was. He himself had made remarks about being \lquote nowhere near my league\rquote . I\rquote d kind of dismissed them, though I\rquote m sure the egomaniac part of me agreed with them to a certain extent. The egomaniac part of me was wrong, dead wrong.
Because that\rquote s what I finally realized--Craig was a thinker. Yeah, grades, and IQ and all that--but that went back to what I told him earlier, it just being a matter of speed. That\rquote s not having the thinking mindset. The thinking mindset is knowing you\rquote re going to end up in bed with your significant other at some point in time--and doing research on it. The thinking mindset is using psychology--and that\rquote s just what it was--to talk your girlfriend down from a bad self-esteem day. Seeing the towels on the floor and instantly knowing what they were for. There were other things. It all added up, finally. Shit, I\rquote m Example Number One--here I was with my boyfriend doing extremely wonderful things to my pussy with his tongue and my brain is racing a mile a minute with this shit!
Well, I knew that about myself--who else would\rquote ve been logical and analytical about suicide? Stupid, maybe, as Joe told me--but logical and analytical all the same.
But that was me. Realizing Craig was a true kindred spirit, in more ways that I\rquote d realized, was astounding.
This all ran through my head in less than a minute, mind you. And it was a good thing. Because Craig was giving all that research of his some excellent real-world application. And all that application did exactly what he promised to do--fried my neural synapses to a crisp! Just as I came to this whole \lquote great minds think alike\rquote realization, he upped the ante on my clittie. And that was all she wrote, temporarily anyhow, for Ginny The Brain.
My GOD. It was like explosions. Yeah, explosions in my pussy--sure, I expected that. What took me by surprise was the explosions upstairs. It was like sticking my brain in a box of fireworks. Including, after a few minutes of him sucking on my clittie, the traditional Grand Finally. I think they heard the screams three towns away.
Jesus. By the time he was done, and had crawled up next to me--hugging me, which was about the only thing that let me know I was still in this world--my brain had turned into a throbbing pile of mush. And I didn\rquote t mind one little bit.
\ldblquote Boy, it\rquote s nice to know I can make Miss Logical scream,\rdblquote he said with a chuckle.
I opened my eyes and grinned at him. \ldblquote Funny, I felt the same way when I saw Mister Research get all glassy-eyed when I jerked him off.\rdblquote He blinked twice, figured out \b exactly\b0 what I meant--I saw that in his eyes--and grinned. And then he kissed me.
Look, we\rquote d already had the meeting of the hearts. This was the meeting of the minds. And we both knew it.
And only \b I \b0 would figure out something like \b that\b0 in \b bed\b0 !
However, that wasn\rquote t the only thing I was figuring out. I was figuring out the answer to something I\rquote d said to Shannon way back, on that first day we\rquote d met. The thing about just being allowed to think, not being allowed to feel.
Craig allowed--no, fuck that, Craig \b encouraged\b0 me to do both. When I got around to telling him--which I would--what had been going through my mind over the past ten minutes, from the analysis to the fireworks, he\rquote d crack up and make a comment about how that was \lquote just like me\rquote . I knew it.
And that might\rquote ve been the greatest gift of all.
We were still cuddling. I was still sort of in my post-orgasmic deadassedness, but was beginning to join the Land of the Coherent slowly but surely. And I wasn\rquote t quite sure I wanted to. Not yet. There was still one more thing. And, God, I was ready!
I reached down and found what I\rquote d hoped. \ldblquote You\rquote re recovered,\rdblquote I said.
\ldblquote Basic male biology, Sweetie. You think I\rquote m gonna not recover while doing what I was just doing?\rdblquote he laughed.
\ldblquote You\rquote re such an ass,\rdblquote I said, with absolutely no heat whatsoever.
\ldblquote You love me anyway.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You\rquote re right.\rdblquote I tugged on not-so-Little-Craig. \ldblquote Let\rquote s see if this thing will fit.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I guarantee it,\rdblquote he said. Then he climbed up on top of me, and proved it. Without a doubt. Yeah, it took some effort--I was a virgin, after all, even without a hymen--but he got it in like it belonged in there, and without an ounce of pain.
\ldblquote Oh, Lyubovnik, this is heavenly,\rdblquote I told him when he hit bottom.
\ldblquote No pain?\rdblquote he said.
\ldblquote None whatsoever,\rdblquote I assured him. \ldblquote You can start moving anytime.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Give me a minute,\rdblquote he said, not without strain.
Whoops. I had to grin at that. \ldblquote Recite the periodic table in your head,\rdblquote I told him. He snorted out a bark of strained laughter. \ldblquote Seriously, Lyubovnik. Go for it. I already had one. And if you go off too soon--well, we do have all night, right?\rdblquote
He didn\rquote t say anything. He just started moving--slowly at first, which was best for both of us. I groaned, and brought my legs up around his hips. He leaned down and captured my mouth with his. Hot damn!
After five or so long, slow, unbelievable strokes, he stopped again. \ldblquote You OK?\rdblquote I asked him.
\ldblquote Yes,\rdblquote he said. \ldblquote I\rquote ve decided on the alphabet backwards.\rdblquote
I cracked up, which produced rather interesting sensations--laughing with a dick all the way up inside me! \ldblquote I\rquote ll teach you the Russian one, it\rquote s got seven more letters,\rdblquote I teased.
\ldblquote I need more than seven,\rdblquote he said ruefully.
\ldblquote Craig. Really. It\rquote s OK. If you knew how good this felt you wouldn\rquote t worry.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Not just for you,\rdblquote he said. \ldblquote I don\rquote t want this to end.\rdblquote
\ldblquote It won\rquote t be an end, just a break. Now kiss me!\rdblquote
He smiled, kissed me, and started moving again. I had my hands on his shoulders. I guess the backwards-alphabet thing worked, because I felt the strain in his shoulders go way down.
This time, he kept going. And I was hearing fireworks again. A bit in the distance, but they were getting closer.
\ldblquote Go faster, Lyubovnik,\rdblquote I told him. \ldblquote Just a little.\rdblquote He recaptured my lips with his and picked up the pace. Just a little. But it was enough.
Rumble...rumble....BOOM!
\ldblquote God!\rdblquote I murmured into his mouth. \ldblquote Oh, God, Craig! God!\rdblquote We were still kissing but kept missing each other\rquote s mouth. Who cared? This was....WOW!
\ldblquote Craig?\rdblquote I gasped after a couple minutes. \ldblquote Oh, baby, faster, \lquote k?\rdblquote
\ldblquote If...I\rquote m gonna...\rdblquote
\ldblquote It\rquote s OK, baby, take me with you,\rdblquote I said.
He went faster. And he took me right with him.
Ka-BLAM!!!!
I shook. I screamed. I stuck my tongue down his throat. A dead man wouldn\rquote t last through that--and Craig didn\rquote t--but it didn\rquote t matter. He took me with him, in a big way. I just came apart at the seams.
All over the pillow. Little bits of Ginny-brain leaking out my ear, all over the pillow. Had no doubt of it.
And it was \b glorious\b0 .
He rolled off of me--worrying about crushing me, like I gave a shit--but took me with him, so we ended up side-by-side, cuddled, our lips still all over the other\rquote s face.
We\rquote d covered hearts and minds, right? This was \b souls\b0 . Well, yeah, bodies too--but not just that. I felt like I\rquote d found the other half of myself.
We came down from it sloshing all over each other like two kinky amoebas. Even after Little Craig slipped out, I still wasn\rquote t sure where I ended and he began. Wow.
After the odd aimless kisses and punch-drunk murmuring, I told him. \ldblquote It means lover,\rdblquote I whispered.
\ldblquote Hm?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Lyubovnik. It means lover.\rdblquote
He just hugged me tighter. It was the last thing I remember before I fell asleep.
\b TWENTY-FOUR\b0
It\rquote s kind of strange waking up at three in the morning in any case. Waking up disoriented and with a full bladder only makes it stranger.
Disoriented? Well, yeah. I\rquote m not used to waking up snuggled into a guy\rquote s chest with his hands on my ass! Not that I was complaining, mind you.
The full bladder, that I was complaining about. Because it necessitated that I unwrap myself from said guy and go take care of it. At least I had a bathroom right there, attatched to my room. I went and did my thing. I also wet a washcloth and used it on my thighs--I was a bit, er, sticky. When I came back out, that guy in my bed was on his side, as awake as I was, grinning at me.
\ldblquote My turn,\rdblquote he said.
\ldblquote You know, there\rquote s another bathroom down the hall,\rdblquote I said.
\ldblquote And miss seeing you saunter back in here naked as a jaybird? Perish the thought.\rdblquote He waited until I got back in the bed, kissed me, then went to do his thing.
When he got back, I was wide awake. He leaned over and started kissing me. One hand went right to the boob, the other one started on my ass. Before long, it was between my legs.
\ldblquote You trying to get me going again?\rdblquote I asked.
\ldblquote Yup. Is it working?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Definitely.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Are you sore?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Not at all,\rdblquote I assured him.
\ldblquote Good. You see, it did fit.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yes it did,\rdblquote I agreed. \ldblquote Evidently, fucking violates all the laws of physics.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You\rquote re forgetting the elasticity factor.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Really. You got a formula for that?\rdblquote
\ldblquote\b You\rquote re\b0 asking \b ME\b0 ?\rdblquote he roared, cracking up. \ldblquote Who\rquote s the brain around here?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Both of us,\rdblquote I said pointedly.
\ldblquote OK, be that as it may, who\rquote s the \b physics\b0 brain around here?\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK, touche,\rdblquote I laughed.
\ldblquote That and the Russian brain. That reminds me. How do you say \lquote gorgeous ass\rquote in Russian?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I have no idea,\rdblquote I laughed. \ldblquote Google it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I can\rquote t read that alphabet!\rdblquote
\ldblquote You Google, I\rquote ll transliterate.\rdblquote God, his hand on my pussy was making me very, very wet--again. \ldblquote It\rquote s just more research. Which reminds me--anything you discover in your research we haven\rquote t tried yet?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Lots,\rdblquote he said. \ldblquote Blowjobs, for example.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Was that a request?\rdblquote I twinkled.
\ldblquote Actually, no,\rdblquote he said seriously. \ldblquote I\rquote m sixteen, but I\rquote m not unlimited. If we\rquote re going for number three in one night, I can\rquote t guarantee a fourth, even with the few hours sleep in between, and I have better places to put number three.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I agree.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Plus I want to try to save one for the morning.\rdblquote I just looked at him. \ldblquote We need to christen your shower.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh, Lyubovnik, now \b there\rquote s\b0 an idea! I must admit, I was surprised blowjobs was your first response.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Really?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Knowing you, I figured it\rquote d be anal.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Not that I didn\rquote t think of it, mind you, but that\rquote s the advanced course, Sweetie.\rdblquote
\ldblquote True. Glad I bought the big tube of KY.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You\rquote re something else.\rdblquote
\ldblquote So are you,\rdblquote I said. \ldblquote Of course, you knew that. I\rquote m running like a river already.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah, I noticed we didn\rquote t need the KY for \b that\b0 . Should I do something about you running like a river?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I think so,\rdblquote I teased. \ldblquote We should probably do something about this, too,\rdblquote I said, tugging on his very hard dick. \ldblquote You know what? I did my research as well.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Ah, yes. You mentioned that. Did you find anything interesting?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, there\rquote s this girl-on-top thing,\rdblquote I said impishly. \ldblquote That sounded like fun.\rdblquote
He grinned, and spun away from me, off of his side to end up lying flat on his back with his dick sticking up in the air like a flagpole. \ldblquote Don\rquote t let me stop you!\rdblquote
Well, what do you think I did? Straddled him, of course!
And I was right. It was fun. I do think I got him a little deeper like that. The fireworks were even more intense. Problem was, he\rquote d discovered some stamina since he was going for number three, and I left him hanging. The minute the fireworks went kablooey my poor overworked brain forgot how to work my legs. Luckily, he quickly sized up the situation--not difficult since I was flopping all over him like an uncoordinated walrus--and flipped me over. That finished him off. And got me another one--a wee bit smaller, but very very nice. Smaller was probably good at that point, since by then I think I\rquote d forgotten my name!
We nodded off to sleep again quickly after that, still wrapped up in one another. And, yes, when we woke up at about nine we went for the knee-trembler in the shower. We were just close enough in height to make that one work. Then we got to wash all the residue off one another, which was almost as fun!
The funnest part, though? When he washed my hair for me. Sigh. How romantic!
I made him breakfast, of course. Then we hung out, mostly cuddling and kissing, until Craig had to leave about two in the afternoon. I did homework, still tingling to myself. When the parents got home, Mom tried the ol\rquote third degree.
\ldblquote So, did you have a good weekend?\rdblquote
\ldblquote The best,\rdblquote I grinned.
\ldblquote Really?\rdblquote she said.
\ldblquote Oh, yeah,\rdblquote I said. \ldblquote If you\rquote re fishing for details, you ain\rquote t gonna get any,\rdblquote I said, to laughter from both of us. \ldblquote Let\rquote s just say it was better than I could\rquote ve even dreamed.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Good,\rdblquote she said.
I went to bed that night happy as a clam. You know the expression, \ldblquote I could die happy tomorrow\rdblquote ? I\rquote m a suicide survivor. I\rquote m not going to say that. What I could say was that I could wake up alive tomorrow happy. That was even better.
\b
TWENTY-FIVE
\b0
The problem was, I didn\rquote t.
And I couldn\rquote t figure out why.
When I woke up Monday morning, all I could think about was what Zoe had said about herself. You know, the feeling like you were being buried alive thing. I felt the weight of \b something\b0 on me. And I didn\rquote t know what, and I didn\rquote t know why.
When I got to school, it got worse. It especially got worse in my first period class when I sat down next to a grinning Craig. It got even worse when I sat down in front of him at lunch. I think I faked it well, but every time I saw him, I felt...I don\rquote t \b know\b0 what!
It was like a tug-of-war I couldn\rquote t figure out. Part of me wanted to run screaming every time I saw him. The other part wanted to stow away in his backpack, pretty much forever.
I couldn\rquote t make heads or tails out of it. Shit, maybe my brain \b was\b0 fried. But it left me at a loss. Like I said, I analyzed suicide. Oh, we can argue about whether or not my analysis was flawed, sure. And it wasn\rquote t completely unemotional--Shannon was right about the anger. And one could certainly make the point that I was working from badly flawed data. But I \b did\b0 think it through.
I couldn\rquote t think this through. It wasn\rquote t thought--it was all feeling, and feelings I couldn\rquote t get a grasp on. Every time I tried to pin it down, I felt like a dog chasing its own tail.
It was driving me out of my mind.
That wasn\rquote t the worst part, though. The worst part was that people were starting to notice the mental merry-go-round I\rquote d hopped onto. Now, I fooled Shannon, in our one-on-one and group. And I think I had my parents mostly fooled.
I couldn\rquote t fool Craig.
I\rquote d been blowing him off, plain and simple. Saying I had things to do at lunch. I begged off the Friday Night Date with a fictional tale of family plans. Told him to call Saturday to see what was up that night. When he did, I told him I was sick.
I just couldn\rquote t deal with him. I was having a hard enough time just dealing with the slippery whirlygigs that kept bashing through my cerebral cortex. I just couldn\rquote t get a handle on this.
I thought I\rquote d fooled Craig with the sickness thing. I was wrong. A half hour after I hung up the phone, my Mom was calling up to me. \ldblquote Ginny! Craig\rquote s here, I\rquote m sending him up!\rdblquote
Shit!
He walked in to find me sitting on the bed. \ldblquote Hi, honey,\rdblquote he said. \ldblquote I figured that if you were sick I should come over and play nursemaid.\rdblquote He looked at me pointedly. \ldblquote That is, if you\rquote re really sick.\rdblquote
I just looked down.
He came over me and sat next to me at the bed. \ldblquote Ginny, what\rquote s wrong?\rdblquote I just shrugged. \ldblquote You\rquote ve been avoiding me all week.\rdblquote I didn\rquote t say anything.
\ldblquote I thought you wanted it,\rdblquote he said softly. \ldblquote I thought you enjoyed it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I did!\rdblquote
\ldblquote Then what\rquote s wrong?\rdblquote I didn\rquote t say anything. I didn\rquote t know what to say.
That\rquote s when he lowered the boom. He took my hand, and stared at me until I looked up at him. His eyes locked on mine. \ldblquote Ginny, a couple of months ago, you made me a promise. I\rquote m holding you to it.\rdblquote
It took me a minute to realize what he meant. When I did, I reacted in horror. \ldblquote God, Craig, \b no\b0 ! I\rquote m not thinking about...\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yes, you are,\rdblquote he cut me off. \ldblquote Or, if you\rquote re not exactly at this moment, you soon will be. Ginny, you\rquote re depressed, don\rquote t deny it. I\rquote m scared of where that might lead.\rdblquote
\ldblquote So am I,\rdblquote I admitted in a whisper.
\ldblquote Did I do something wrong?\rdblquote
\ldblquote No. Not at all. It\rquote s just...\rdblquote I trailed off.
\ldblquote OK, then I\rquote m keeping you to your promise. You need to talk to me.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I can\rquote t.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Why not?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I don\rquote t know.\rdblquote He was going to say something, but I held up my hand. \ldblquote I don\rquote t know what\rquote s wrong, that\rquote s the problem. OK. You\rquote re right, I did make you a promise. But I can\rquote t do this alone, because I\rquote m confused.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I can\rquote t help if I don\rquote t know what\rquote s wrong.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I know. I have an idea,\rdblquote I said, just as it popped into my head. \ldblquote Come with me Tuesday to my session with Shannon.\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK. That\rquote s a good idea. I\rquote ll do it. I\rquote ll have to get the day off from work, but that shouldn\rquote t be a problem. We\rquote ll go see Shannon. As long as you promise, absolutely \b swear\b0 to me, that you will not do anything stupid between now and Tuesday. I want your solemn word.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yes. I swear.\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK. I love you, you know,\rdblquote he said with a small smile.
\ldblquote I know. I love you too.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You want me to leave you alone today,\rdblquote he said.
It wasn\rquote t a question. I answered it anyway. \ldblquote Yes. I\rquote m sorry.\rdblquote
\ldblquote It\rquote s OK.\rdblquote He squeezed my hand, kissed me on the cheek, and then he was gone.
I felt...drained. Horrible, in fact. But at least I\rquote d made a damn decision.
\b TWENTY-SIX\b0
Craig drove me to Shannon\rquote s office on Tuesday in silence.
I know Shannon was a little surprised to see Craig there--she\rquote d met him at the wake, so she knew who he was.
\ldblquote I have a problem, and I\rquote m not sure why. Craig\rquote s here because I promised to talk to him if I was getting, you know, down again. But I need you here because I\rquote m confused.\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK,\rdblquote Shannon agreed. \ldblquote Start from the beginning.\rdblquote
I told her the whole thing, including what had happened a week and a half ago, that we had made love. And I struggled trying to explain the aftermath.
\ldblquote So, you made love--and it was fine,\rdblquote Shannon said.
\ldblquote A whole lot better than fine,\rdblquote I grinned, with a glance towards Craig.
\ldblquote No regrets,\rdblquote Shannon said.
\ldblquote None,\rdblquote I agreed.
\ldblquote And you woke up the next morning, happy. He was there, and you guys enjoyed each other again, and you were fine.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Perfectly.\rdblquote
\ldblquote This didn\rquote t hit until after he had left.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Moreso the next morning, yes, but it was after he\rquote d left.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, that\rquote s easy,\rdblquote Craig joked, \ldblquote next time I just won\rquote t leave.\rdblquote
He said that...and something \b snapped\b0 .
\ldblquote DON\rquote T YOU SAY THAT!\rdblquote I screeched. \ldblquote DON\rquote T YOU DARE SAY THAT! DON\rquote T PROMISE ME THAT!\rdblquote And after that, I just started \b wailing\b0 .
I had absolutely no idea where it came from. I was having a complete breakdown because of a stupid joke, and I couldn\rquote t even tell you why. And even through my wails I managed to spot both Shannon and Craig looking at me in complete horror.
\ldblquote Ginny,\rdblquote Shannon said softly as I started to calm down some, \ldblquote you need to explain to Craig and I what\rquote s going through your head. Because you just scared the daylights out of both of us. Craig didn\rquote t say anything to prompt that kind of reaction. What did that make you think of?\rdblquote
I held up my hand, asking for a bit of time, while I composed myself. Then, finally, I got an image in my head that might help explain my muddled brain.
\ldblquote OK, it\rquote s like this. You\rquote ve seen this in a movie or cartoon. Think of a cliff face. And there\rquote s a guy hanging off the cliff. And there\rquote s another guy, on top, lying across the top of the cliff. And he\rquote s reaching over, and he\rquote s got the dangling guy by the hand, and he\rquote s trying to pull him up.\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK,\rdblquote Shannon said.
\ldblquote But it\rquote s not working. And the guy up top starts sliding and can\rquote t get his grip back. And the guy dangling knows that he has to either let go, or pull the other guy off the cliff with him.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You\rquote re the dangling guy,\rdblquote Shannon grasped immediately.
\ldblquote Yes.\rdblquote
\ldblquote And Craig\rquote s the guy on top.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yes,\rdblquote I admitted, numb to my core.
\ldblquote You\rquote re underestimating my strength,\rdblquote Craig said beside me with a little grin. \ldblquote Mental, I mean, since we\rquote re dealing with a metaphor here. You\rquote re underestimating my mental strength.\rdblquote
\ldblquote That\rquote s not the point,\rdblquote I sighed. \ldblquote Craig, a while ago I made another promise to you--I promised I\rquote d never make you responsible for saving my life. Whoops--too late,\rdblquote I spat bitterly.
\ldblquote You notice I\rquote d never held you to that particular one?\rdblquote he said gently.
\ldblquote You don\rquote t get it,\rdblquote I spat. \ldblquote I\rquote m \b obsessed\b0 . If you offer not to leave again, I might handcuff you to the damn bed!\rdblquote He chuckled, but I ignored it. I turned back to Shannon. \ldblquote I\rquote m \b completely\b0 obsessed! It was bad enough, but having sex just made it worse. He walked out the door and I felt half my soul was walking away! I\rquote ve put all my self-esteem in his hands and that\rquote s just not fair to him. Shit, we\rquote re in the same damn room and I want to crawl into his clothes with him! I\rquote m going to end up asking way too much of him. I\rquote ve completely lost all perspective. Let\rquote s face it, I\rquote ve completely lost my mind.\rdblquote
I looked up at Shannon when I finished this diatribe...and she was \b laughing\b0 !
I just goggled at her. Why was she laughing at me?
\ldblquote Ginny,\rdblquote she said kindly, \ldblquote why do you think this is unusual?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Huh?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Why do you think this is unusual?\rdblquote I repeated. \ldblquote You think Craig feels any different?\rdblquote
I looked at Craig and he was chuckling. \ldblquote I\rquote ll buy the handcuffs,\rdblquote he said. \ldblquote Ginny, I feel exactly what you feel. And I don\rquote t have any questions about my mental health.\rdblquote
\ldblquote It\rquote s natural,\rdblquote Shannon went on. \ldblquote Look, Ginny, you\rquote re sixteen. Craig\rquote s your first--both physically and emotionally. First love, first sexual experience. If you \b weren\rquote t\b0 somewhat obsessed, then I\rquote d worry.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You\rquote ve been around Alex and Johanna enough,\rdblquote Craig said to me. He turned to Shannon. \ldblquote Alex is my best friend. He\rquote s been with Johanna for two years.\rdblquote He turned back to me. \ldblquote Those two, half the time, they look like they\rquote re trying to occupy the same space! Ginny, you\rquote ve seen it, you know what I\rquote m talking about. I used to tease them,\rdblquote he told Shannon, \ldblquote until I got hit by the same thunderbolt.\rdblquote
\ldblquote It\rquote s normal,\rdblquote Shannon said. \ldblquote Ginny, you\rquote re getting better. You\rquote ve gotten a lot better. However, you have one big thing holding you back, and this is a good example of it. When you get feelings that confuse you, you automatically assume that the feelings are abnormal or bad or indicative of mental illness. You never assume that they\rquote re normal or natural.\rdblquote
I thought about that for a minute. Shannon went on. \ldblquote Let me tell you a story. His name was, and is, Chris. We started dating about the same age you are--beginning of Junior year.
\ldblquote Now, he wasn\rquote t my first, sexually speaking. I\rquote d had a boyfriend a year before, and I was curious, so I did it with him. But I wasn\rquote t in love with him and the sex was OK but not much more than that.
\ldblquote With Chris, it was both. He was my first true love, and the first one that I\rquote d had both love and sex with. You want to talk about obsessed? Shit, I would\rquote ve let him handcuff himself to my bed \b and\b0 to me with him \b in\b0 me if I could\rquote ve gotten away with it.\rdblquote I had to laugh at that image!
\ldblquote But isn\rquote t that, I don\rquote t know, unhealthy?\rdblquote I asked.
\ldblquote It can be. But if you realize what you\rquote re feeling is normal, you can guard against it and deal with it. I mean, you\rquote re not really going to handcuff Craig to the bed!\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah, my mother might come looking for me if she did,\rdblquote Craig laughed. \ldblquote That might be a wee bit embarrassing.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Exactly,\rdblquote Shannon agreed with a laugh. \ldblquote So, Ginny, if you understand the feelings are normal, you can deal with them. You can talk them out, with Craig. You can confront them together. By the way, it can be unhealthy in some sense, but being that much in love with someone is not inherently a bad thing, you know.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah,\rdblquote I agreed with a little smile. \ldblquote How did you deal with it?\rdblquote I asked her.
She took a breath. \ldblquote OK,\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote I\rquote m going to tell you a story I don\rquote t tell too many of my patients.
\ldblquote Chris and I were together for the rest of high school. And we did talk about being too dependent on one another. So, to test the relationship, we decided to go to separate colleges. Chris\rquote s father had gone to Northwestern and Chris had always wanted to go there. I went to Michigan. We were going to try to be faithful.
\ldblquote It was probably going to be a little easier for me, because I had my big brother Ben already at Michigan. He was a junior my freshman year, and promised to show me around. I idolized Ben so that was cool.
\ldblquote The first semester was tough enough. When we got home for Christmas, though, it got worse. Chris seemed so happy at Northwestern. He kept telling me how much he loved it. He didn\rquote t mention girls, but I was worried. And I wasn\rquote t all that thrilled with Michigan and Ben didn\rquote t seem to have as much time for me as I\rquote d hoped.
\ldblquote So, I went back to school feeling unsure and a bit abandoned. I\rquote ll be honest, I didn\rquote t know if Chris and I were going to last the semester. Then, in February, my world fell apart.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Chris found someone else,\rdblquote I guessed.
\ldblquote No. Far, far worse than that,\rdblquote she said with a look of real pain. \ldblquote My brother killed himself.\rdblquote
I couldn\rquote t help the horrified gasp.
\ldblquote Now you know why I do what I do for a living,\rdblquote she said with a wry little smile. Then she sobered again. \ldblquote Of course, at the time, I wasn\rquote t thinking about that--that came later. Ben\rquote s roommate had gone away for the weekend--when he came back, he found Ben dead of a gunshot wound to the head.
\ldblquote There was no question of it being suicide. Ben left a note. It was drugs. The sad thing is, he\rquote d finally kicked them. He\rquote d been hooked on cocaine for over a year, but had kicked it in November. The problem was, he owed thousands and thousands of dollars to dealers. He\rquote d tried gambling to win the money and got in an even bigger hole. I guess the dealer had come around the previous week and roughed him up. He was due back again a couple days hence. And Ben was too ashamed to go to my parents and ask for help. So he killed himself instead.
\ldblquote I was beside myself with grief. And guess who I blamed?\rdblquote she asked.
\ldblquote Yourself?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, to a point. I felt guilty that I\rquote d never noticed that Ben was using. But no. I blamed Chris. Because he wasn\rquote t there.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I went home, of course. My poor parents. They were just out of their minds. And, me, I sat in my room blaming Chris for not being there. Of course, I never even called him. I expected him to be a mindreader or something, and the whole time I had this image in my mind of him not being here because he was with some other girl.
\ldblquote I got lucky, though. Even in the midst of their own grief, my parents figured out what was going on. My Dad called Chris that night. He drove from Chicago to here in the middle of the night without stopping. I got woken up by him pounding on my door at five o\rquote clock in the morning.
\ldblquote He stayed with me all throughout the wake and funeral. He held me when I couldn\rquote t stop crying. And, after all that was over, we had a talk. He did like Northwestern but a lot of what he\rquote d told me over Christmas break was bluster. He thought he was making sure I didn\rquote t worry about him--because he was pretty miserable and didn\rquote t want me to realize it.
\ldblquote After we had that talk, Chris decided to transfer to Michigan the next year. So, Ginny, I know what you mean about being obsessed. Because I was.\rdblquote She smiled at me. \ldblquote I still am, you know. Chris and I got married right after we graduated. And he went to work and worked his ass off to get me through medical school. We\rquote ve been through some crap together--my brother, the whole med school thing. Right now we\rquote re struggling because I\rquote m trying to get pregnant and it\rquote s not working,\rdblquote she admitted. \ldblquote We\rquote ve been going to a fertility specialist. But we\rquote ve been married for ten years and I\rquote m still completely obsessed with him, you know.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Wow,\rdblquote I said with a grin.
\ldblquote Obsession isn\rquote t necessarily a bad thing, not when it comes from love. And leaning on your partner isn\rquote t a bad thing, either. Ginny, it\rquote ll work both ways eventually. Chris lost both of his parents within a few months a few years back, so I was there for him. Craig knows he has to be there for you, now, and he knows why. Let him.\rdblquote
\b TWENTY-SEVEN\b0
Craig and I got into the car, not saying much.
\ldblquote Am I taking you home?\rdblquote he asked.
\ldblquote No. You\rquote re taking me somewhere to eat,\rdblquote I said.
\ldblquote Good,\rdblquote he grinned.
We went to the local burger emporium, and got some grease to eat. \ldblquote You feeling better?\rdblquote he asked.
\ldblquote Yeah. I think so,\rdblquote I told him. \ldblquote One thing I didn\rquote t get a chance to ask Shannon, though. Why did it take me so long to figure out what was bothering me?\rdblquote
\ldblquote That\rquote s an easy one,\rdblquote he said. \ldblquote You were running from it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote That makes sense.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Goes back to what she was saying about you thinking it was abnormal. You thought it was another symptom of your addled mind, or something, so you ran from it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Very astute. Who\rquote s the brain around here anyway?\rdblquote I grinned at him.
\ldblquote Both of us,\rdblquote he grinned back.
\ldblquote Damn, you\rquote re good for me, Lyubovnik.\rdblquote
\ldblquote As long as you keep remembering that.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I\rquote m sorry,\rdblquote I said.
\ldblquote Don\rquote t be,\rdblquote he said. \ldblquote Look, Ginny, there\rquote s something you have to remember. I asked you out with my eyes wide open, OK? I knew exactly what I was getting into. Look, I am not capable of saving your life. I didn\rquote t do that. I can\rquote t. However, giving you another reason to stick around? That I can do.\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK,\rdblquote I said. \ldblquote So,\rdblquote I changed the subject, \ldblquote two more days of school until Christmas Break. I can\rquote t wait.\rdblquote
\ldblquote We\rquote re off for a week and a half. We\rquote ll have to find some things to keep us occupied.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I think we can do that,\rdblquote I purred. \ldblquote In fact, I think we can start tonight. I\rquote m caught up on my studying.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Your place or mine?\rdblquote he laughed.
\ldblquote Well, you\rquote re mother\rquote s pretty cool, but I don\rquote t have a little sister, so I think my place is probably better.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Good plan.\rdblquote
So, we went to my house. Mom just grinned when I took Craig upstairs. It was as good as the first time.
We were cuddling afterwards. No overnights tonight--and it was going to kill me for him to leave--but I\rquote d live with it. And we did have an hour or so for a good cuddle.
\ldblquote You\rquote re gonna love what I got you for Christmas,\rdblquote he said.
\ldblquote Shit! I forgot! Damn, Craig, I was so loopy this week I forgot to go Christmas shopping. I\rquote ll have to go out tomorrow to get you a present.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Relax,\rdblquote he said, kissing my shoulder and fondling a boob. \ldblquote I already got it. Right here.\rdblquote
\b EPILOGUE
Six months later.....
\b0
OK, so I do look beautiful
Well, \b tonight\b0 I look beautiful. A prom dress will do that. And a full-blown treatment at the hair salon, and my mother working for an hour on my makeup!
Yup, it was Junior Prom Night. I was looking forward to it. I really did like this dress, it was flattering. It was a deep blue color. It minimized my tummy, and accentuated my boobs. OK, so it accentuated my ass, too--that for Craig, of course!
Well, of course I was going to the prom with Craig! Who else?
Yep, we were still together. Yep, we were still obsessed. It was OK. We spent a lot of time together. We\rquote d gotten to the point in our relationship when being together was the important part--even if we were doing something that really wasn\rquote t a \lquote together\rquote kind of thing, like studying. We studied together all the time--and I mean studied. Well, with the odd kiss break, sure--but we really did study. Him more than me, which he teased me about, but I always found something to read while he was finishing up. We could hang out with friends or family and just be normal about it.
\line Of course, weekends were a different story. Craig stayed over, all the time. His mother didn\rquote t mind, as long as we weren\rquote t out driving. My parents were just thrilled I was so happy.
Who wouldn\rquote t be happy with all that wonderful sex? God, we were made for each other--everywhere, but especially in bed. He knew where all my buttons were, and knew how to push them. And, yes, a few months after Christmas I let him get into my \lquote luscious ass\rquote as he puts it. It hurt a bit at first. And then it didn\rquote t hurt. Just the opposite. My oh my!
Anyhow, it was prom night. He came to get me. When I came down the stairs, he told me I took his breath away. Which I could see in his eyes anyhow, but hearing it is always nice.
And he looked mighty dapper in his tux! He was also wearing the very nice watch and gold neck chain I\rquote d gotten him for Christmas. Yes, I did manage to go shopping! Me, I\rquote d gotten a necklace with matching earrings from him. I was wearing them as well.
We got to the prom and found our table. The gang was there. Alex and Johanna, of course--that\rquote s a marriage waiting to happen, no doubt in my mind about it. Cap and Angela were still together, and Angela had become more outgoing, more comfortable in her own skin. The other occupants of our table? Joe Adair and Toni Caldwell. Toni and I had become great friends--and she made friends with Angela and Johanna as well. She told me, \ldblquote you guys are much more fun than all the A-list princesses.\rdblquote Her parents were still jerks, so every bit of fun she got helped. And Joe was just fun naturally, so he fit right in with the rest of us. He\rquote d had a great hockey season--and I made sure he was still passing Trig--though we lost in the state semi-finals.
It was amusing to see the effect that Hockey God Joe and Princess Toni choosing to associate with the bunch of us had. The only one of us with any social standing was Johanna. The rest of us were nonentities or worse. The effect was amusing--Joe and Toni were diminished in standing. But the rest of us were somehow elevated. I couldn\rquote t figure that one out. None of us really cared, mind you. Even Toni thought it was hilarious.
Even with all that, they were still elected Prom King and Queen!
As for my other friends--Karen and Aaron did have sex, a couple months ago. Karen talked about it in group. It threw her--threw her how much she enjoyed it. She expected kind of a mental cleansing, she hoped--she didn\rquote t expect to have three orgasms! She was like a little kid talking about it.
We still go to Seth\rquote s club, and that means all of us, the whole gang. His friend Terri keeps teasing us about the breeders taking over. But we\rquote ve found some good friends there. Hey, the only person I care who they sleep with is Craig. And I\rquote d made another friend at school, another girl with problems that sought me out, a girl named Elizabeth. We brought her to the club--because the problem was that she was gay. She met someone at the club. And coming out to her parents went much better than she\rquote d thought it would.
Seth had gone out a few times with that guy he was making eyes at the first time we went, but it didn\rquote t last. He\rquote d had a few other boyfriends, but had just recently started dating another guy that he thought might last.
Zoe? Zoe was all right. Shortly after Sam died, she went on what she called one of her \lquote fuck-o-ramas.\rquote In other words, going to bed with anyone that asked. She even went to the club with us and picked up a girl so she could investigate that ten percent curious thing. Her verdict? \ldblquote Fun, but not a guy.\rdblquote So she went back to sleeping with tons of guys. I\rquote ll admit, I was a bit worried.
But it didn\rquote t last. A few months ago, she abruptly asked out a guy in her class, a guy who was a bit like Sam. Not quite as shy, but very smart and a bit of an outcast. She shocked him so much he accepted! So, it\rquote s only been a few months, but things seem to be going well.
I still go to group every week. The one-on-one sessions have gone biweekly. All of that will probably end soon, though I can call Shannon any time, she\rquote s made sure I know.
So, I\rquote m OK. Better than OK. I have a good group of friends, parents that are trying harder, and Craig.
Look, it\rquote s all day-to-day. I know that. Craig and I could break up tomorrow. I don\rquote t think that\rquote s going to happen, not for a second, but it could. College is looming. We both want to go to Michigan--both of his parents graduated from there, so he\rquote s got the same Wolverine family tie I do with my Dad. We both like the place a lot. That would make things easier. But things can change.
The important part is, I feel better. I guess I feel like I\rquote ve stopped beating my head against a brick wall. I have love, and I have hope, and that just might be enough.
--fin---