REWIND
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
\ldblquote PLEASE LET ME WONDER, IF I\rquote VE BEEN THE ONE YOU LOVED\rdblquote
\b0
\pard\b DECEMBER 20, 1981\b0
Livvie\rquote s mind was made up, and I couldn\rquote t change it.
\ldblquote Look,\rdblquote she said, \ldblquote I do not want to break up with you. We can do this. I\rquote ll be home for breaks and the summer. We can do this.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I\rquote ve done a long-distance relationship before. It wasn\rquote t much fun. And this is a far bigger distance,\rdblquote I told her.
\ldblquote Does that mean you\rquote re not even going to try?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I don\rquote t know,\rdblquote I said. \ldblquote I\rquote ll have to think about it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, isn\rquote t that just great!\rdblquote
\ldblquote Don\rquote t blame me!\rdblquote I snapped at her. \ldblquote I\rquote m not the one pulling a last-minute change of plans.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You know, you can go with me,\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote Not Eastern Michigan, that\rquote s not a good enough school for you. But the University of Michigan is very close by, and that\rquote s a great school.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Why on earth would I go to Michigan?\rdblquote
\ldblquote To be with me?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, since you\rquote re going out there, and your mind is made up, you being with me doesn\rquote t seem that important to you, does it?\rdblquote
\ldblquote No, that\rquote s not true,\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote It\rquote s just that I need a family. I\rquote ve never had one. Now I can have one.\rdblquote
And on and on.
Look, part of me understood. But what I saw that she didn\rquote t was that this would be the end of Livvie and me. No doubt in my mind. What I felt, but couldn\rquote t say, was that even if we tried the long-distance thing, \b she\b0 would never stick to it. I\rquote d get a Dear John letter before Freshman year was over. I had no doubt about it. Even with her father out there for her, Livvie would get lonely for male companionship.
Like I said, I couldn\rquote t say that. It would really upset her.
I guess I figured I\rquote d probably try the long-distance thing. Not exactly how I expected to spend my college years, I\rquote ll tell you that. However, I knew I\rquote d be busy with schoolwork and the band once I got to college. Maybe it\rquote d be better to have a girlfriend but not have to worry about actually spending any time with her. It would be kind of lonely, though. And, like I said, I had no faith she\rquote d keep to it.
On this day, Sunday the 20th, we had a band practice. The gang noticed I was a bit preoccupied--they also noticed Livvie wasn\rquote t there, which was unusual. After rehearsing, I told them.
\ldblquote Damn, that\rquote s tough,\rdblquote Michelle said. \ldblquote Are you going to try a long-distance relationship?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I don\rquote t know.\rdblquote Then I told them what I couldn\rquote t say to Livvie. \ldblquote Quite honestly, I can\rquote t see Livvie holding to it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I can,\rdblquote Debbie argued. \ldblquote She loves you.\rdblquote
\ldblquote She also loves to be loved. And I don\rquote t think loved by someone a thousand miles away counts.\rdblquote
\ldblquote It might be different with her father there,\rdblquote Stan pointed out.
\ldblquote It might. I don\rquote t know,\rdblquote I sighed.
\ldblquote She\rquote s got a good reason for going out there,\rdblquote Debbie pointed out.
\ldblquote Yeah, I know. I just wish she didn\rquote t.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, if she can keep to it, God knows we\rquote re gonna keep you busy enough,\rdblquote Stan laughed. \ldblquote You know, breaking this fantabulous band into the Boston music scene. And that\rquote s beside all that studying you\rquote re gonna have. You won\rquote t have no time to pamper a girlfriend.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Is that a warning?\rdblquote Michelle smirked.
\ldblquote No, honey. It\rquote s a lot easier to juggle a band and pampering a girlfriend when said girlfriend is \b in\b0 the band,\rdblquote Stan chuckled.
\ldblquote Right answer,\rdblquote Michelle told him.
\ldblquote He\rquote s well-trained,\rdblquote I laughed. \ldblquote Then again, there\rquote s a problem with no girlfriend to pamper.\rdblquote
\ldblquote What\rquote s that?\rdblquote Michelle asked.
\ldblquote No sex.\rdblquote
Debbie cracked up. \ldblquote Maybe you can negotiate just being faithful in love, not sex. You know, tell Livvie she\rquote s got your heart, but you\rquote re gonna loan your dick out. You\rquote ll get laid after every gig.\rdblquote
I just grinned. \ldblquote Don\rquote t give him any ideas,\rdblquote Michelle laughed.
\b DECEMBER 25th, 1981\b0
Livvie came over for Christmas. It was, well, strained.
We kept it together through the gift-opening. We kept it together throughout dinner over my Grandmother\rquote s. Afterwards, driving around, is when it started to unravel.
\ldblquote All right,\rdblquote she said as I drove down the street, \ldblquote tell me what you\rquote re afraid of.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Fear is only part of it. Dammit, Livvie, I feel abandoned.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Great. Now you know how I\rquote ve felt most of my life.\rdblquote
\ldblquote And how is that my fault?\rdblquote
\ldblquote It isn\rquote t.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Then why am I the one that has to pay for it?\rdblquote Agitated as hell, I blurted it out. \ldblquote As for fear, I can\rquote t see you lasting in a long-distance relationship for even a year. That\rquote s what I\rquote m afraid of--the inevitable Dear John letter.\rdblquote
The icy silence lasted a good minute. \ldblquote If that\rquote s the way you feel,\rdblquote she finally said, \ldblquote well, then, maybe we should just break up now and be done with it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Maybe we should,\rdblquote I said quietly.
\b That\b0 got to her. \ldblquote Are you serious?\rdblquote
\ldblquote You brought it up.\rdblquote
\ldblquote It was a bluff!\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, I just called it. Maybe we should end it now.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You\rquote d throw away what we have just like that?\rdblquote
The anger came back. \ldblquote The way I see it, \b you\b0 are the one doing that.\rdblquote
\ldblquote No. No, I\rquote m not. Look, I said it before--you could go with me. That would solve the whole thing. It\rquote s not too late to apply to Michigan.\rdblquote
Pissed as hell, I abruptly pulled into a parking lot. \ldblquote First of all, it is. I applied Early Decision to BC. That means if they accept me, I\rquote m obliged to go there.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh, yeah.\rdblquote
\ldblquote And even if that weren\rquote t the case, you\rquote re missing the damn point. Why would I go to Michigan?\rdblquote
\ldblquote For me?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Not enough.\rdblquote
\ldblquote And you think you\rquote re enough to keep me here?\rdblquote
\ldblquote You just don\rquote t fucking get it,\rdblquote I hissed. \ldblquote Everything I have is here. \b Everything\b0 . I\rquote m comfortable in this part of the country. I\rquote m a Boston guy. I \b have\b0 a whole family, and it\rquote s here. Plus, it\rquote s not just my family. It\rquote s my friends. It\rquote s the band. It\rquote s everything.\rdblquote What I couldn\rquote t say is that I learned that the hard way the first time. Going to St. Louis for college, as I did the first time, was a disaster--and I didn\rquote t leave nearly as much behind that time as I would be this time. Anyway, it was something I was sure of. I\rquote d be miserable at Michigan, Livvie or not.
I took a breath. \ldblquote You, on the other hand--even if you boil down everything that\rquote s important to you in Boston to just me, it\rquote s still a fifty-fifty shot. Me, or your Dad. You made your choice. How\rquote s that supposed to make me feel?\rdblquote
\ldblquote It\rquote s not just that,\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote I need to get out of here.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Jesus, Livvie, you wouldn\rquote t be living at home if you went to school in Boston! Your father said he\rquote d cover all your costs, no matter where you went, so you\rquote d be in the dorm. It\rquote s not like you\rquote d have your damn mother there.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I know,\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote I just....it\rquote s hard to put into words. Do you realize all my friends are yours? I\rquote ve not made a single friend on my own. The one time in my life I made a friend on my own, it was Beth, and \b she\b0 did it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah, I know.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I just think I need a little independence, but I also need my Dad. I don\rquote t know if that makes any sense. It probably doesn\rquote t.\rdblquote She sighed. \ldblquote You really think I wouldn\rquote t be able to keep a long-distance relationship?\rdblquote
Calmer, I still was honest with her. \ldblquote No, Livvie, I\rquote m sorry. I don\rquote t.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Does that mean you won\rquote t try?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I\rquote m still trying to decide that.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Do you love me?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Of course. You know I do,\rdblquote I said firmly.
\ldblquote Isn\rquote t that enough?\rdblquote
I sighed. \ldblquote Look, I want you to take this the way I mean it, and not as me trying to throw something in your face, OK? Think about what I mean by this.\rdblquote She nodded. \ldblquote I love Kara, too.\rdblquote
She thought for a minute. \ldblquote Kara and you only ended because of distance? If Kara had gone here, instead of away, you think you\rquote d still be together?\rdblquote
\ldblquote The answer to the first question is yes. The second question\rquote s a huge what-if, but probably.\rdblquote
\ldblquote But you\rquote re telling me you never fell out of love with her.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I didn\rquote t. And I never will.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I don\rquote t get what you\rquote re trying to tell me.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I\rquote m trying to tell you that love isn\rquote t enough. Love is one thing. Relationships are another. Love just is. Relationships need nurturing. My feelings for Kara will never change--but the nature of our relationship did.\rdblquote
\ldblquote And you think if I go that far away, the nature of our relationship will change?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I think it\rquote s a distinct possibility.\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK. I understand what you\rquote re saying.\rdblquote She took a deep breath. \ldblquote I hate doing this to you, but I think it\rquote s a chance I need to take.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah, I figured,\rdblquote I said.
\ldblquote I want to try to maintain our relationship. But I\rquote m not going to twist your arm.\rdblquote She got a wry little grin. \ldblquote Not that I could anyway. It\rquote s up to you.\rdblquote I nodded. \ldblquote What about now?\rdblquote
\ldblquote We\rquote re together now, Livvie.\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK. Good,\rdblquote she sighed, with a hint of a smile. \ldblquote Look, it\rquote s not just my Dad, you know.\rdblquote
\ldblquote What do you mean?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Mary--she\rquote s Dad\rquote s wife, my stepmother. I was out there for three days and she mothered me more than my own damn mother has done my entire life. And Kerry, my sister--well, being hero-worshiped by a 10-year-old girl was very cool.\rdblquote
I had to chuckle. \ldblquote I could work on Erin if that\rquote s what you need.\rdblquote
She cracked up. \ldblquote Are you kidding me? Erin? Your sister Erin? She wouldn\rquote t stoop to hero-worship if Jesus Christ Himself plopped down in her bedroom.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Good point,\rdblquote I had to agree with a laugh. Livvie was right--hero-worship wasn\rquote t Erin\rquote style. Except if the hero being worshipped was Erin. \ldblquote Then again, Declan does. Hero-worship you, I mean.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I don\rquote t think that\rquote s hero-worship, dear, that\rquote s 13-year-old lust.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Can\rquote t argue with that. Anyhow, I understand the reasons for you going. I do. I just feel like it\rquote s a contest that I\rquote ve lost.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I know that\rquote s how you feel. But I also know that it\rquote s not true, it\rquote s not why I\rquote m doing this. Eddie, I\rquote m 17 years old, almost 18. I\rquote ve never had a Daddy. And I\rquote m almost getting too old for one.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Livvie, now that you\rquote ve found him, he\rquote ll always be your father.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I didn\rquote t say father, I said Daddy. There\rquote s a difference.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah, I suppose there is,\rdblquote I agreed.
\b JANUARY 10th, 1982\b0
My seventeenth birthday. It was a Friday, so I went to school. When I got home, there it was, sitting in the day\rquote s mail.
The acceptance letter from Boston College.
I was happy. But I wasn\rquote t as thrilled as I thought I\rquote d have been.
I got a quick call from Michelle, who\rquote d also applied early decision and who got her acceptance letter today as well.
She was thrilled, which helped me regain my enthusiasm. It was, after all, where I really wanted to go. So, it was a nice talk and we were making plans and joking. \ldblquote You know, we really should room together,\rdblquote Michelle laughed. \ldblquote We\rquote re the best of friends and I know you wouldn\rquote t mind occasionally getting lost when Stan comes to visit.\rdblquote\line
\ldblquote All true, but I don\rquote t think BC lets guys and girls room together,\rdblquote I laughed. \ldblquote There\rquote s always Debbie, though. I know she didn\rquote t apply early decision, so she doesn\rquote t know yet, but she should get in and BC is her first choice.\rdblquote
\ldblquote We\rquote ve talked about it,\rdblquote Michelle told me. \ldblquote We might, but Debbie thinks she wants to room with someone she doesn\rquote t know, you know, to meet new people.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I can see that. All the college advice I\rquote ve ever read says don\rquote t room with a hometown friend.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Right. And it\rquote s not like Deb and I won\rquote t get sick of each other in band practice!\rdblquote
So, talking to Michelle made me feel better. Like I said, I really did want to go to BC.
I guess I was just in a funk since Livvie had dropped her bomb.
It was times like this when I truly felt seventeen, not half-seventeen and half-forty seven. Especially in the context of a seventeen-year-old high school senior trying to plan out his life. Because that\rquote s what I \b was\b0 , despite the past life. This was the one I had to live, and in this one, I was seventeen--about to graduate high school, planning for college.
College was part of it, and plans for that were well underway. But other plans were now becoming more nebulous. Look, even at seventeen, the minute you start dating--especially if you\rquote re a diehard romantic, which I was--you start asking that question about every girl you date: \ldblquote Is she the one?\rdblquote
Then, of course, there\rquote s the bigger question: \b is\b0 there a \ldblquote one\rdblquote ?
I was inclined, at this point in my life, to say no. Don\rquote t get me wrong, I still believed in true love, and I still believed in something akin to soulmates. But what I was beginning to think was that there wasn\rquote t one. I mean, one true soulmate. I think there was more than one, or at least more than one possibility.
I guess I\rquote d realized that when I had an amicable breakup with Kara. Because if there \b was\b0 only one true soulmate, she was mine. If I believed there was a \ldblquote one\rdblquote , I would\rquote ve believed she was it, and wouldn\rquote t have broken up with her quite so easily. And, I guess, realizing I was as happy with Livvie as I had been with Kara only reinforced that belief.
I will say that thinking along these lines did make Livvie\rquote s impending move a thousand miles away a lot easier to take. Of course, that might just be rationalization!
With all this whirling through my mind, I gave Kara a call. When she\rquote d been home for Christmas, we\rquote d gotten together, and she knew there was something on my mind, but I hadn\rquote t felt comfortable talking about it yet. On this day, I decided to, so I gave her a call.
\ldblquote Hey, I was just gonna call you,\rdblquote she said when she picked up the phone. \ldblquote Happy birthday!\rdblquote Good ol\rquote Kara, she remembered. After a bit of small talk, I hit her with it.
\ldblquote Oh, man, that\rquote s tough,\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote Michigan? That might as well be on the moon. You going to try to have a distance thing?\rdblquote
\ldblquote She wants to.\rdblquote
\ldblquote And you\rquote re less than enthusiastic.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I don\rquote t think she\rquote ll be able to stick to it.\rdblquote
Kara laughed. \ldblquote Funny, I don\rquote t think \b you\b0 would!\rdblquote
\ldblquote You know me better than that.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yes, true, but let\rquote s face it, Eddie--you\rquote re going to have a whole hell of a lot of temptation.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah, right, they\rquote re lining up as we speak,\rdblquote I snorted.
\ldblquote You have no idea, do you?\rdblquote she said incredulously.
\ldblquote No idea about what?\rdblquote
\ldblquote About what\rquote s gonna happen. Look, you know I love you. I loved you in eighth grade. But it\rquote s a realistic love. I know what you\rquote re about. I love you because you\rquote re sweet and giving and smart and interesting. And you\rquote re a great kisser,\rdblquote she laughed. \ldblquote But it was realistic. I knew you for years before I fell in love with you. Plus, if you remember, you had to talk me into that first date,\rdblquote she laughed. \ldblquote I figured that\rquote s the way it was with you. Though you\rquote re attractive, you\rquote re not gorgeous, and you can be awkward. I loved you, still do, but I figured you were an acquired taste, that you don\rquote t hit anyone between the eyes.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I agree with all that,\rdblquote I laughed. \ldblquote But being an acquired taste pre-empts them from lining up at the door. You know what I mean? If that\rquote s the case, I should be able to avoid temptation.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I\rquote m not done,\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote That\rquote s what I \b used\b0 to think. I don\rquote t think all of that anymore. What you don\rquote t get is you\rquote ve transformed yourself.\rdblquote
\ldblquote How did I do that?\rdblquote I asked, bemused.
\ldblquote You joined a band,\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote You don\rquote t get what you look like up on stage, singing, playing your guitar. Your attractiveness is multiplied by about twenty, and your awkward bit disappears completely. Look, I love the Eddie I\rquote ve always known--but the first time I saw you play, it was like seeing Eddie squared. And you\rquote re gonna go into Boston and start playing the clubs? They \b are\b0 going to be lining up. Guaranteed.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You\rquote re exaggerating.\rdblquote
\ldblquote No, I\rquote m not.\rdblquote She took a deep breath. \ldblquote That first time I saw you guys play? Look, as much as I love Peter--and I do--I almost dumped him on the spot. So I could go attack you. I\rquote ll be honest, the only thing that really stopped me from doing so was Olivia. I knew that you had just gotten together with her, you were happy, and I love you too much to fuck with you like that. But if you\rquote d been single that night? Peter would\rquote ve been history and I would\rquote ve been on you like a leech.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You\rquote re kidding,\rdblquote I gasped.
\ldblquote No, I\rquote m not. Look, I\rquote ve seen you play a few times and I\rquote m more used to it right now, and I really do love Peter. But, shit, Eddie, it was incredible. Look, you\rquote re a reasonably charming guy in any case. But when you\rquote re on stage? That\rquote s not charm, that\rquote s charisma, and buckets of it. It shoots out of your pores like sparks. I can barely describe it. You\rquote ve no idea how appealing you are onstage. And when you get offstage, then whoever it is that\rquote s pounced on you will figure out all those other cool things about you.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I think you\rquote re just biased,\rdblquote I chuckled.
\ldblquote You think so? Trust me, I\rquote m not the only girl that\rquote s noticed it. And we\rquote ll be able to test it. Don\rquote t forget, I\rquote ll be attending school 20 minutes from Boston, and it\rquote s an all-girl school.\rdblquote Kara was going to go to Wellesley. \ldblquote When you start gigging in Boston, I\rquote ll be there. And I\rquote ll bring friends. They\rquote re going to pounce on you.\rdblquote
\ldblquote We\rquote ll see,\rdblquote I laughed. \ldblquote Peter\rquote s going to school in Boston?\rdblquote I said, changing the subject.
\ldblquote Yeah. Harvard, where else?\rdblquote she laughed. \ldblquote Legacy, and all that.\rdblquote Peter\rquote s father had gone to Harvard, Kara had told me that. \ldblquote Which is close enough to Wellesley, now that we\rquote re older and have cars and all that. We don\rquote t consider it long-distance.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Nope, you shouldn\rquote t, considering one of my band mates is planning on Framingham State, and Framingham\rquote s past Wellesley.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Stan?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah. Michelle got into BC Early Decision as I did, so at least I\rquote ll have her to go bug.\rdblquote
\ldblquote When Stan\rquote s not visiting, you mean,\rdblquote she laughed.
\ldblquote Exactly!\rdblquote
\b FEBRUARY 24th, 1982\b0
I suppose some of what Kara said had sunk in, though I really wasn\rquote t thinking of it that way. But I did, a little. It\rquote s the age-old question: do you stay with someone because you love them, or because you\rquote re afraid of being alone? Well, if Kara was right, I didn\rquote t need to be afraid of being alone. Now, don\rquote t get me wrong--I loved Livvie. If she were staying local, I wouldn\rquote t be asking myself that question. But I was--because it was do you stay with someone you\rquote re not going to have a real relationship with?
All this was compounded by the fact that Livvie had insisted on going to Michigan for February break, which had been the previous week. This time, I protested--if she were leaving for good in late August, we should have every minute together we could. And we\rquote d always spent loads of time together on school breaks. She went anyway.
I guess what had kind of crept into my mind is that I was going to live for me, not for me-and-Livvie. And I felt it was a decision that had been taken out of my hands, which probably made me even more upset about it.
That decision cropped up on this day.
It was a Wednesday. We had band practice. But before we got started playing, Kenny had something to tell us. Kenny had sort of become our defacto booking agent--people tended to go to him with gigs. That was fine with us; he was good at organizing such things, and he enjoyed it. On this day, he had a biggie for us.
\ldblquote The student council wants us to play the prom,\rdblquote he said. \ldblquote Our prom, the Senior Prom.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Wow!\rdblquote Debbie squealed. \ldblquote That would be so awesome!\rdblquote
\ldblquote Would it?\rdblquote Kenny asked.
\ldblquote Why wouldn\rquote t it?\rdblquote Debbie asked.
\ldblquote Well, you have to ask that question to your fellow bandmates who have girlfriends or boyfriends,\rdblquote Kenny asked. \ldblquote Do you guys want to spend your Senior Prom onstage?\rdblquote
Stan and Michelle looked at each other and grinned. \ldblquote Hell, yes!\rdblquote Stan said.
Dave and Karen shared a similar look. \ldblquote Of course,\rdblquote Karen said. \ldblquote Playing or dancing? That\rquote s a no-brainer. We can still go to the prom. We just won\rquote t be dancing. Who the hell wants to dance?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Exactly,\rdblquote Michelle agreed. \ldblquote I think we should do the whole bit, though.\rdblquote
\ldblquote What do you mean?\rdblquote Debbie asked.
\ldblquote I think we should dress up. You think you guys can play in tuxes?\rdblquote
We all nodded. \ldblquote It might be a little hot, but we can undo ties and stuff in the second set,\rdblquote Stan laughed.
\ldblquote Right,\rdblquote Michelle grinned. \ldblquote So, we treat it as a prom. We get dressed, we show up, get our pictures taken, sit down to eat and all. Just, instead of getting up to dance, we get up to play.\rdblquote
\ldblquote That sounds great!\rdblquote Karen said.
\ldblquote Right,\rdblquote Michelle agreed. \ldblquote Well, we have the established band couples in agreement, now we just have to hear from the two guys whose girlfriends aren\rquote t in the band.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I\rquote ve already talked to Lisa. She\rquote s not much for dancing, either,\rdblquote Kenny grinned. \ldblquote She did say something about dressing up, though, so she\rquote ll like Michelle\rquote s idea.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Good. Now, how about you?\rdblquote she asked me.
\ldblquote I\rquote m in.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Shouldn\rquote t you talk to Livvie first?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I\rquote m in,\rdblquote I repeated firmly. \ldblquote I want to do this.\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK,\rdblquote Michelle said, hesitantly. \ldblquote We\rquote re gonna play the prom, then?\rdblquote
We all agreed. In fact, we were all looking forward to it.
\b FEBRUARY 26th, 1982\b0
Livvie was absolutely \b not\b0 happy.
We were out, sitting at a roast beef restaurant, when I told her.
\ldblquote You\rquote re \b what\b0 ?!\rdblquote she hissed. \ldblquote You \b can\rquote t\b0 !\rdblquote
\ldblquote We\rquote re still going to go, Livvie,\rdblquote I told her. \ldblquote We\rquote re going to get dressed up and the whole thing.\rdblquote
\ldblquote But I want to dance at my prom!\rdblquote
\ldblquote That never bothered you before.\rdblquote
\ldblquote It wasn\rquote t a \b prom\b0 before!\rdblquote
\ldblquote What difference does it make? The big deal with a prom is the whole dressing up thing, and we\rquote re going to do that. Outside of that, it\rquote s just another dance.\rdblquote
\ldblquote It\rquote s not another dance for me. And what really bugs me is that you just \b did\b0 this, without even discussing it with me!\rdblquote
I just looked at her. I didn\rquote t say it, I just looked at her.
She got it. \ldblquote OK, so this is some kind of epic revenge?\rdblquote she asked. \ldblquote Because I\rquote m going away?\rdblquote
\ldblquote No, it\rquote s not revenge,\rdblquote I told her. \ldblquote It\rquote s me deciding to do what\rquote s best for me. Just like you did.\rdblquote
\ldblquote They\rquote re not the same thing.\rdblquote
\ldblquote No, they\rquote re not,\rdblquote I riposted. \ldblquote My decision only deals with one night out of our lives. Yours deals with four years.\rdblquote
She calmed down a little. \ldblquote Look, Eddie, that\rquote s one of the reasons I wanted the prom. You know, one night for us before I go away.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, that\rquote s not all that important to me anymore,\rdblquote I said.
She looked like I\rquote d slapped her. I felt bad about that, but that\rquote s the way I felt. \ldblquote I think you should take me home now,\rdblquote she said in a clipped voice.
\ldblquote Fine by me,\rdblquote I shrugged.
We were driving, and she said, \ldblquote There\rquote s no way I can talk you out of this?\rdblquote
\ldblquote No,\rdblquote I said. \ldblquote Could I talk you out of going to Michigan?\rdblquote
\ldblquote This \b is\b0 some sort of revenge!\rdblquote
\ldblquote No, it\rquote s not.\rdblquote By that time, we were pulling up in front of her house. \ldblquote Listen to me. I\rquote m not trying for revenge. I\rquote m just doing what I want to do.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Make my prom miserable?\rdblquote
\ldblquote No. Make mine \b not\b0 . If I didn\rquote t play and just went to the prom with you, I wouldn\rquote t have a good time.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You wouldn\rquote t have a good time dancing with me?\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK,\rdblquote I said with a little grin, \ldblquote because I\rquote ve been in a band the entire time we\rquote ve been going out, this hasn\rquote t ever come up before. But let me tell you a little secret about myself. I absolutely hate to dance. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Dancing is for people that can\rquote t play an instrument. As Schroeder once said to Lucy, \lquote Musicians don\rquote t dance.\rquote The closest I ever want to get to dancing is air guitar. Shit. What do you think is one of the reasons I\rquote m so damn happy I play in a band? Because I never have to dance!\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh,\rdblquote she said, finally flashing at least the hint of a smile. \ldblquote I didn\rquote t know that.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Now you do,\rdblquote I grinned. \ldblquote Look, I could grudgingly say yes. And you might, and I said might, drag me out on the floor to dance to a slow song or two. And the rest of the night you\rquote d be badgering me to dance some more and I\rquote d be resistant. Plus, I\rquote m \b not\b0 a good dancer. At all. I\rquote m much better at singing.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I get you. So this really isn\rquote t about me going to Michigan?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Not mostly, but I\rquote m not going to lie to you. You going to Michigan has made me less willing to sacrifice my own desires for yours. If you weren\rquote t going to Michigan, I probably would\rquote ve agreed.\rdblquote
\ldblquote But grudgingly, and only for me, and you wouldn\rquote t have had a good time.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Right.\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK. I have to think about this, but I\rquote m less upset about it than I was.\rdblquote She gave me a genuine grin. \ldblquote You really hate dancing?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh, you betcha,\rdblquote I chuckled. \ldblquote Look, we\rquote re learning a new song, \lquote Only The Lonely\rquote by the Motels. It\rquote s just out recently. But it\rquote s a slow dance song. And I don\rquote t play on it. It\rquote s my break song,\rdblquote I laughed. \ldblquote So, you get one dance.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, there\rquote s that, then,\rdblquote she smiled. \ldblquote I have to think about it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK.\rdblquote
She went inside then. I did get a goodbye kiss, at least.
\b FEBRUARY 27th, 1982\b0
This day, a Saturday, we had a band practice. We did it early, though, as Kenny had something to do in the afternoon. So we got together about 9:30 in the morning and played until one.
Afterwards, Michelle, Debbie and I decided to go over to the mall across the street from Stan\rquote s house and get some lunch. Stan was going to come, but his mother loudly reminded him he\rquote d promised to clean up something-or-other. \ldblquote She never forgets the damn chores,\rdblquote he grumbled. \ldblquote You guys go. No hitting on my girlfriend!\rdblquote he told me.
\ldblquote You spoil all my fun,\rdblquote I grinned.
\ldblquote Mine, too,\rdblquote Michelle twinkled. That even made Stan crack up!
Anyhow, we got over to the mall and decided to hit the Friendly\rquote s. We sat in a booth and chatted through the burgers. I told them about my conversation with Livvie the previous night.
\ldblquote Man, that\rquote s tough,\rdblquote Michelle said. \ldblquote You were kind of asking for it, though, by not even asking her.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah, I know,\rdblquote I agreed.
\ldblquote She\rquote s right about that--but I\rquote m with you,\rdblquote Debbie said with a giggle. \ldblquote Who the hell wants to dance? How freakin\rquote boring!\rdblquote
\ldblquote That part I do agree with,\rdblquote Michelle laughed. \ldblquote I love Stan, but the only thing I dance with is my bass. He\rquote ll get the one dance at the wedding, and that\rquote s my dancing days.\rdblquote
\ldblquote And I\rquote ll bet he agrees wholeheartedly,\rdblquote I said.
\ldblquote Oh, no doubt!\rdblquote
\ldblquote This is why I\rquote m glad I don\rquote t have a steady boyfriend,\rdblquote Debbie said. \ldblquote Far less complications.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Hey, everybody in the band except you has a partner, but I\rquote m the only one with a complication,\rdblquote I said.
\ldblquote That\rquote s because everyone in the band is dating someone else in the band,\rdblquote Debbie laughed. \ldblquote Except for Kenny. And when Kenny says \lquote jump\rquote , Lisa asks \lquote how high?\rquote\rdblquote
That cracked us all up, but I had to say, \ldblquote That\rquote s not as bad as you think. That works both ways.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Tell me one thing that Lisa asked Kenny to do that he\rquote s done,\rdblquote Debbie said.
\ldblquote Did you notice he got a haircut?\rdblquote I laughed. \ldblquote That was Lisa. Well, it was because her parents freak out, but Lisa asked him to do it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote All right, all right,\rdblquote Debbie laughed. \ldblquote Lisa and Kenny\rquote s relationship aside, everyone else in the band is dating someone in the band.\rdblquote She bat her lashes at me. \ldblquote Maybe you should\rquote ve dated someone in the band.\rdblquote
\ldblquote What? You?\rdblquote Michelle laughed. \ldblquote You two would be tearing each other apart within a week if you ever dated!\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, yeah, but the make-up sex would be dynamite!\rdblquote Debbie said. I was in a full blush by this point!
\ldblquote You don\rquote t need to date someone to have sex,\rdblquote Michelle riposted. \ldblquote Deb, you of all people know \b that\b0 !\rdblquote
\ldblquote True, very true,\rdblquote Deb said, grinning, still batting her lashes at me.
\ldblquote Yeah, yeah, yeah,\rdblquote I said, still blushing. \ldblquote You just point your baby-blues elsewhere, Romelski. I\rquote m still taken.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Today,\rdblquote Deb said.
\ldblquote Now, now, let\rquote s not tempt the poor boy,\rdblquote Michelle laughed. \ldblquote We\rquote re supposed to be helping him fix things with Livvie, remember?\rdblquote
\ldblquote We are?\rdblquote Deb said, all mock-innocence. \ldblquote That\rquote s not how \b I \b0 answered the poll.\rdblquote I just glared at her--probably not looking as fierce as I was trying to! \ldblquote All right, all right,\rdblquote she grinned. \ldblquote I\rquote ll stop trying to wheedle my way into your bed.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Today,\rdblquote Michelle laughed.
\ldblquote Yeah, you\rquote re a \b big\b0 help,\rdblquote I said to Michelle.
\ldblquote Ain\rquote t I?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Seriously, Eddie,\rdblquote Debbie said, \ldblquote what do you plan to do?\rdblquote
\ldblquote We\rquote re playing the prom. That\rquote s final. The rest of it, I guess I\rquote ll just play by ear.\rdblquote
\ldblquote All my kidding aside,\rdblquote Debbie said, \ldblquote you know she loves you.\rdblquote
\ldblquote To a point,\rdblquote I said. \ldblquote Yes, she does, but only to a point.\rdblquote
\ldblquote She\rquote s in a tough position,\rdblquote Michelle said. \ldblquote You do realize that.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I \b know\b0 all that,\rdblquote I said, slightly exasperated. \ldblquote And I was trying to see her side of it. Until she gave me the big shitstorm about us playing the prom.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Why did that bother you?\rdblquote Michelle said.
\ldblquote Because it was like, OK, I want you to do everything my way. Until I abandon you for Michigan.\rdblquote
\ldblquote All right, I see your point,\rdblquote Michelle said, \ldblquote but stilll....\rdblquote
\ldblquote I don\rquote t know if there\rquote s any \lquote but stills\rquote involved anymore,\rdblquote Debbie put in. \ldblquote Because Eddie\rquote s right. Livvie\rquote s got no business bugging him about doing what\rquote s best for him at the prom--because she is abandoning him. If she can do what\rquote s best for her with something as big as going away for four years, the prom\rquote s a minor thing and she should understand.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Thanks, Deb. The check\rquote s in the mail,\rdblquote I joked.
\ldblquote She\rquote s just agreeing with you because she\rquote s still trying to wheedle her way into your bed,\rdblquote Michelle laughed. \ldblquote No, seriously, Eddie, I do understand why you\rquote re upset.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Thanks. Wish Livvie did.\rdblquote
\ldblquote She\rquote ll come around,\rdblquote Michelle said. \ldblquote Anyhow, changing the subject, how are your grades this year?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Just great. Still straight A\rquote s. Even in calculus.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I hate your guts,\rdblquote Michelle laughed. \ldblquote You\rquote re not going to let me sneak in there for salutatorian, are you?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Not on your life!\rdblquote
\b MARCH 13th, 1982\b0
I tried. I really did. Livvie was still upset about the prom. I was trying to make it up to her.
Until today.
Today, I gave up.
I was trying not to take anything personally. I really was. But what she told me today, I couldn\rquote t help it.
\ldblquote Oh, by the way,\rdblquote she said as we were driving in the car, \ldblquote I\rquote m going back to Michigan for April vacation.\rdblquote
I almost drove off the road. \ldblquote You\rquote re \b what\b0 ?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Is this a problem?\rdblquote she said.
\ldblquote No. No, of course not. Why would it be a fucking problem? You\rquote re going to Michigan permanently in five fucking months. Why on earth would you going out there for another damn week be a problem? Especially when it\rquote s a vacation week. I mean we have all the time in the world, why would you cutting down on that time be a fucking \b problem\b0 ?\rdblquote I abruptly pulled over to the side of the road. \ldblquote Here\rquote s an idea. Why don\rquote t you just stay there? Finish high school out there. Don\rquote t fucking come back. You\rquote re so eager to get out there with Daddy, don\rquote t fucking bother coming back.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You\rquote re upset,\rdblquote she said.
\ldblquote No shit.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I have to go.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Bullshit. Not now, not April vacation, you don\rquote t.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I have things to do, things to set up,\rdblquote she said weakly.
\ldblquote Like what? It\rquote s too early to register for classes. You\rquote ve already seen the campus.\rdblquote
\ldblquote There\rquote s some paperwork I have to sign. For some of the financial stuff, since Dad teaches there.\rdblquote
\ldblquote He couldn\rquote t send that stuff out to you and have you mail it back signed?\rdblquote I snorted.
\ldblquote Well, I suppose he could. Look, if you don\rquote t want me to go, I won\rquote t go,\rdblquote she said, although a bit petulantly.
And I caught it. \ldblquote Oh, no, you don\rquote t,\rdblquote I snapped. \ldblquote You\rquote re not going to put that on my head. You already decided to go, again not giving a crap about how I might feel, so go.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You\rquote re right, I don\rquote t care how you feel,\rdblquote she snapped back. \ldblquote All you\rquote ve tried to do since I told you I was going away to school is make me feel guilty, and try to get back at me.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Fine.\rdblquote I was still pulled over. I quickly pulled into the street. And just as quickly made a U-turn.
\ldblquote Where are you going?\rdblquote she said.
\ldblquote I\rquote m taking you home. You don\rquote t care about how I feel? You don\rquote t have to fucking worry about it any more.\rdblquote
\ldblquote What does that mean?\rdblquote
\ldblquote It means we\rquote re done. Over. No longer dating.\rdblquote\line
She stared straight out the car window for a beat. Then she said, in a near-whisper, \ldblquote God, that\rquote s not what I want.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Probably not. You want to have your cake and eat it too. Basically at my expense. I\rquote ve had it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Look, really, if it means that much to you, I\rquote ll cancel the trip in April.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Why? You just said you don\rquote t care how I feel.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, I didn\rquote t mean it that way.\rdblquote
We pulled up in front of her house. \ldblquote I get it,\rdblquote I said. \ldblquote What you meant is that you figured I\rquote d just roll over like a puppy. You\rquote ve been thinking that since you decided to go away to school. Jesus, Livvie, do you really think I\rquote m that much of a wimp?\rdblquote
\ldblquote No, it\rquote s not that. I guess I don\rquote t understand. If you\rquote re that upset about being away from me for a week, why would you break up with me? Isn\rquote t that cutting off your nose to spite your face?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I didn\rquote t break up with you because you\rquote re going away. I broke up with you because you admitted that you don\rquote t care how I feel. And that\rquote s become a pattern. You \b don\rquote t\b0 care. It\rquote s been plain as day for months.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I didn\rquote t mean it like that. I do care. I just have to do what\rquote s right for me.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You know, that may be a justification for you going out there to school. But going out there for April vacation? It doesn\rquote t work.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You\rquote re acting like I\rquote m doing it to deliberately screw you over or something!\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yes, I am, aren\rquote t I?\rdblquote I said.
\ldblquote You really think that?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yes.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Dammit, Eddie, not everything is about you!\rdblquote
\ldblquote And that\rquote s the problem. \b Nothing\b0 is about me. I don\rquote t ever enter your thought process anymore. I don\rquote t expect everything to be about me. But if you\rquote re supposed to be my damn girlfriend, it should \b sometimes\b0 be about me, shouldn\rquote t it?\rdblquote She didn\rquote t say anything to that--because she couldn\rquote t. \ldblquote You don\rquote t have to go. And even if you did--you ever think of asking me to come along?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Dad\rquote s paying for my ticket,\rdblquote she said.
\ldblquote I figured, but you know I have the money to pony up for my own ticket.\rdblquote
\ldblquote And I\rquote m staying with Dad.\rdblquote
\ldblquote And if he didn\rquote t want me there, I could afford a hotel, too. At least we\rquote d be in the same state for vacation.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I didn\rquote t think you\rquote d go,\rdblquote she finally said weakly.
\ldblquote But you never even bothered to ask, did you?\rdblquote
\ldblquote No. I\rquote m sorry. Eddie, I don\rquote t want to break up with you.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I\rquote ll think about it,\rdblquote I said.
\b APRIL 25th, 1982\b0
We didn\rquote t break up. But, like I said, I pretty much gave up.
We went out. We spent time together. We even had sex every so often. But my heart wasn\rquote t in it.
And, because of that, I\rquote ll admit it--I became somewhat of a bastard.
I blew her off if I had something else to do. Barely paid attention to her half the time when we were together. I was just disinterested. And it really wasn\rquote t me trying to punish her or anything like that--I really was becoming disinterested, more and more every day. I guess we were still together more out of inertia than anything else.
Did I love her? Sure. But I didn\rquote t love, or like for that matter, the way I was being treated. I was an afterthought. So I made her one. She didn\rquote t like it.
I guess it all came to a head the Friday that April Vacation started. She asked me to drive her to the airport--her flight left at 7 pm. She didn\rquote t want to leave her car at the airport all week.
\ldblquote Sorry, I have plans,\rdblquote I told her.
\ldblquote Plans?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Plans. I\rquote m going out for dinner and a movie with some friends.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Who?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Stan, Michelle, Debbie, and DeeDee from up my street. Her friend Ashley might come, too.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You can\rquote t postpone that until Saturday or something?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Why would I want to?\rdblquote I told her. \ldblquote I don\rquote t want you going to Michigan in the first place, so I should cancel my plans to drive you to the airport? How does that make sense?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Fine,\rdblquote she snorted.
Like I said, I just wasn\rquote t in a nice mood.
It all came to a head on this day. It was a Sunday, and Olivia had gotten back from Michigan that morning. She called me that afternoon, and asked me to come over.
\ldblquote I was thinking all week,\rdblquote she said when I got there, \ldblquote and I\rquote ve decided that I don\rquote t want to miss my Senior Prom.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You\rquote re not going to miss it,\rdblquote I said.
\ldblquote By your lights, I\rquote m not. But as far as I\rquote m concerned, I am. I\rquote m done being the adoring girlfriend of mister high-and-mighty rock star. I want to go to the prom with someone that\rquote ll pay some attention to me there. So, I\rquote m going to find another date.\rdblquote
\ldblquote If you do that, it\rquote s the end for us,\rdblquote I said calmly.
\ldblquote I know,\rdblquote she replied, just as calmly. \ldblquote I\rquote m sorry. But we\rquote re not getting along anyway. I\rquote m not going to sacrifice the biggest night of high school for a relationship that\rquote s dying.\rdblquote
So, that was that.
Sure, I saw it coming--and I know I helped it along. It was probably for the best. But, damn.
Not for the first time, I rued the day her father ever stepped back into her life.
Damn.
\b MAY 1st, 1982\b0
I just stuck with the rest of my life.
The gang consoled me, as best they could. I was all right, really. Upset, sure--but I survived other breakups, I\rquote d survive this one. I did love her, yes. But we were moving in different directions.
\ldblquote I have one question,\rdblquote Deb had asked me. \ldblquote Are you going to be OK up on stage playing at the prom, when you\rquote re looking down and seeing her there with some other guy?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah,\rdblquote I told her. \ldblquote In fact, I want to make sure we kick some serious ass at this prom.\rdblquote
\ldblquote That\rquote s the spirit!\rdblquote Stan laughed.
This day, a Saturday, we were practicing. We\rquote d worked on the set list some, adding new songs. We got a surprise this day.
Debbie had already gotten some vocal time in some of the new songs. We\rquote d added The Go-Go\rquote s \ldblquote Our Lips Are Sealed\rdblquote to the set, and Debbie was doing Jane Wiedlin\rquote s part. Which was the high harmony throughout the whole song--but also the lead vocal on the middle eight. We\rquote d also worked up a version of \ldblquote Under Pressure\rdblquote with Debbie taking Freddie Mercury\rquote s part--and going up an octave with it. It was fantastic. I\rquote d suggested it, and Debbie went with it. I\rquote d heard a bootleg of Bowie doing this song with one of his female backup singers doing the Freddie Mercury part like that, up an octave, so that\rquote s what gave me the idea. Of course, that bootleg was from 2001 so I couldn\rquote t exactly \b tell\b0 Debbie about it! But she got the basic idea and went for it.
However, duets--and backing vocals, which she\rquote d always done--were one thing. An actual lead vocal? That was another. Debbie\rquote d always said she didn\rquote t want to have a lead. Today, she changed her mind. She told us she\rquote d like to sing a song at the prom.
A specific song: \ldblquote Angel of the Morning.\rdblquote
\b That\b0 would take some serious guts--too much, if you ask me. Michelle must have agreed, because she asked Deb, \ldblquote Are you sure?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah, I\rquote m sure,\rdblquote Deb smiled. \ldblquote Let\rquote s just say it\rquote ll be my little good-bye to all my classmates.\rdblquote
\ldblquote If you\rquote re sure,\rdblquote I said.
\ldblquote I\rquote m sure.\rdblquote
So, we worked it up. Deb also played the rather tricky acoustic guitar part--but she did so wonderfully. It sounded good. I just hoped she could get through it without breaking down. To hear the so-called \lquote school slut\rquote who also happened to be one of my best friends singing that set of lyrics--well, it almost made \b me\b0 break down.
Anyhow, we were running through the list of songs, when Dave came up with a concern. \ldblquote What are we going to end with?\rdblquote he said. \ldblquote We can\rquote t end with \lquote What I Like About You,\rquote not for the prom. We\rquote ve got to end with a slow song, don\rquote t we?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Right,\rdblquote Michelle said. \ldblquote Dave\rquote s right. What\rquote s the last dance going to be?\rdblquote
\ldblquote That\rquote s easy,\rdblquote I smiled. \ldblquote\rquote Open Arms.\rquote Is there any other choice?\rdblquote
Journey\rquote s \ldblquote Open Arms\rdblquote had been out a few months. It \b had\b0 to be the last dance. That was the Big Prom Theme of the early eighties. As cheesy as it was--and it \b was\b0 --it was the only real choice. Half the proms in the USA ended with \ldblquote Open Arms\rdblquote in 1982.
\ldblquote Can you sing it?\rdblquote Stan asked.
\ldblquote Is the Pope Catholic?\rdblquote I joked. \ldblquote Does a bear shit in the woods?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Does the Pope shit in the woods?\rdblquote Debbie laughed.
\ldblquote I don\rquote t know about that one,\rdblquote I laughed, \ldblquote but I do know I can sing \lquote Open Arms\rquote .\rdblquote
\ldblquote Let\rquote s hear it,\rdblquote Kenny said, and hit the piano intro.
Look--my voice, at the time of the send-back at 42, had deteriorated some. All those years of smoking, no doubt. But I could sing \ldblquote Open Arms\rdblquote even at 42. At 17? No problem. My voice is on the high end of the tenor range--and, when I want it to be, it\rquote s a \b big\b0 voice. So, yeah, I could sing Steve Perry songs.
The band wanted to make sure, though, so I obliged them. Kenny played the piano part, and I sang.
Look, they knew I could sing. And they knew about the big voice--we had enough Springsteen songs that showed that off. Plus the odd foray into \ldblquote It\rquote s The Same Old Song\rdblquote --nobody\rquote s got a bigger voice than Levi Stubbs and I sang that song well. So, the band knew I could go big.
But big \b and\b0 high? We really didn\rquote t have anything like that in the repertoire. \ldblquote Open Arms\rdblquote was big and high. I guess I surprised them a little bit--because when I hit the second verse, with all those swooping high passages, they were all looking at me like I had three heads.
And after I finished, and they all stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds, Debbie capped it off by proclaiming, \ldblquote Oh my God. You just made me \b wet\b0 !\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh, he makes me wet half the time he picks up a microphone,\rdblquote Karen said with an impish grin, \ldblquote but that one was especially good.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I did \b not\b0 need to know that,\rdblquote Dave grumbled.
\ldblquote Sorry, sweetie,\rdblquote Karen giggled.
Debbie laughed. We all looked at her. \ldblquote I\rquote m just thinking,\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote If you\rquote re making the girls in the band wet singing that song--imagine what it\rquote s going to do to your estranged girlfriend!\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oy,\rdblquote I laughed. \ldblquote So I take it we\rquote re going to end with it?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Damn straight!\rdblquote Stan proclaimed.
\b MAY 3rd, 1982\b0
So, at least the band was going well.
As was school. I got the official confirmation of that today. I found out early in the morning when I got called down to the office. Michelle, having heard the call for me to go to the office and guessing why, cornered me at lunch.
\ldblquote You got it, didn\rquote t you? Salutatorian.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah,\rdblquote I said. \ldblquote I\rquote d tell you I was sorry--but I\rquote m \b not\b0 .\rdblquote We both laughed at that.
\ldblquote At least I lost out to a friend,\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote Now you get to write a speech.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yup. At least I have a little over a month to do it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Know what it\rquote s going to be about?\rdblquote she asked.
\ldblquote I have a few ideas,\rdblquote I smiled.
\ldblquote Good,\rdblquote she said. She took a bite from her food, then looked at me again. \ldblquote I heard through the grapevine that Livvie found a date for the prom.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You OK with that?\rdblquote
\line\rdblquote What choice do I have? You know, whatever. I can live with it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah,\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote It\rquote s too bad, though. You should have a date. I know you can\rquote t dance, but you should have someone to walk in with, someone to eat with, take pictures with, all that. Even if you have to play, you should have a date.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I know,\rdblquote I said, smiling.
Michelle looked at me for a minute, then smiled back. \ldblquote You have a plan, don\rquote t you?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yup.\rdblquote
She looked at me for a minute, then the smile unfolded into a huge grin. \ldblquote You\rquote re going to ask Debbie, aren\rquote t you?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yup,\rdblquote I grinned back.
\ldblquote She\rquote ll be thrilled.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I hope so.\rdblquote
I asked her that afternoon. Michelle was right--she was thrilled.
Hey, we were friends. Even if we weren\rquote t playing--if Livvie and I had broken up, I would\rquote ve asked Debbie. We were playing instead of dancing, but outside of that we were going to do all the \lquote prom\rquote things. Even if we hit a post-prom party, she\rquote d be my date there as well. I was happy about it--and so was she.
At least that was settled.
\b MAY 15th, 1982\b0
We were practicing, working out the final set list. Prom was less than a month away.
After running through part of the setlist, Stan called a break.
\ldblquote We have something we need to talk about,\rdblquote he said. \ldblquote After-prom. We were talking about getting rooms at the hotel.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah,\rdblquote Michelle added. \ldblquote We need to know who\rquote s in. Stan and I are.\rdblquote
\ldblquote We are,\rdblquote Karen said, pointing to Dave, who nodded agreement.
\ldblquote You think we can swing this?\rdblquote Kenny asked Lisa, who was there watching us.
\ldblquote For prom night? I\rquote ll make sure of it,\rdblquote Lisa grinned.
\ldblquote The parents won\rquote t freak?\rdblquote Kenny asked.
\ldblquote I\rquote ll come up with something,\rdblquote Lisa assured him. \ldblquote We\rquote re going to a party, or we have to do something with the instruments, or something. Or maybe I\rquote ll just tell them the truth. What are they going to do? I\rquote m a good little girl--mostly--and I turn 18 next week, so what can they say?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Ooh, are you getting gutsy all of a sudden?\rdblquote Debbie teased, cracking us all up--Lisa most of all.
\ldblquote I love my parents, but they drive me nuts,\rdblquote Lisa said. \ldblquote Hey, I\rquote m going to college in, what, five months?\rdblquote Lisa would be joining Michelle, Debbie, Kenny and me at BC. \ldblquote And I\rquote m going to college with my boyfriend. They going to watch over me then? Not hardly. So, they can figure out now that I\rquote m not the celibate little girl they think I am.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Good luck,\rdblquote Kenny snorted, to laughter. \ldblquote The only problem I have with all that, honey, is you know damn well that if they figure out we\rquote re sleeping together, it will automatically become all \b my\b0 fault.\rdblquote
\ldblquote True,\rdblquote Lisa said. \ldblquote My parents are under the strange impression that teenaged boys get horny, but teenaged girls \b don\rquote t\b0 ,\rdblquote she laughed. \ldblquote Don\rquote t worry, sweetie, if they figure it out, I\rquote ll make sure they know what the real story is.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh, I\rquote d like to be a fly on the wall for that conversation,\rdblquote Kenny laughed. \ldblquote\rquote Mom and Dad, I have to tell you that your sweet little daughter is a complete horndog.\rquote That one\rquote s gonna go over real well!\rdblquote
\ldblquote Ah, well,\rdblquote Lisa laughed. \ldblquote Anyhow, count us in on the rooms.\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK, that\rquote s three,\rdblquote Stan said.
\ldblquote Make it four,\rdblquote Debbie piped up.
\ldblquote Oh, God,\rdblquote Michelle groaned. \ldblquote You\rquote re going to try to pick up someone? At the \b prom\b0 ? You shameless hussy.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh, you know a few guys, at least, will be going stag, so I\rquote m sure I could pick someone up without breaking any girls\rquote hearts,\rdblquote Debbie said. \ldblquote But, no. This is a band thing. Those rooms have two beds. The other one in my room belongs to our lead singer if he wants it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh,\rdblquote I said, surprised.
\ldblquote That\rquote s a good idea,\rdblquote Michelle said. \ldblquote Hey, we\rquote re going to party in one of the rooms right after the prom. Then we\rquote ll go sleep it off. And do other things. Especially if we\rquote re Lisa!\rdblquote Lisa broke up at that. \ldblquote But even if you\rquote re not going to do other things, we really should all be together.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You\rquote re right. I\rquote m in,\rdblquote I said. \ldblquote Thanks, Deb.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Don\rquote t mention it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I know it\rquote s a sacrifice for you, not getting laid on prom night,\rdblquote I teased.
\ldblquote Well, it\rquote s a special night--why not do something different?\rdblquote Deb laughed.
\ldblquote We should ask the hotel if we can keep the instruments in the ballroom overnight--locked up, preferably,\rdblquote Stan said.
\ldblquote I\rquote ll take care of it,\rdblquote Kenny said.
\b JUNE 10th, 1982\b0
Prom night.
It was the end of Senior Week. There had been a class picnic on Monday, a trip to Canobie Lake Park--an amusement park in southern New Hampshire--on Tuesday. Prom night was Thursday. It would be a busy weekend--Win Craymore was having a graduation bash on Saturday up at the Estate. We were playing it. Sunday was graduation. And, yes, my speech was all set.
We\rquote d gotten through the last month of school. Not without some heartache for me--Livvie was parading around the school arm-in-arm with her apparent prom date. Well, fuck it. My buddies pumped me up. I got a few \lquote keep your head up\rquote phone calls from Kara. Even Kelly came over to me one day and asked how I was--that was nice. She was going to the prom with a friend--\rdblquote No big romance, but we\rquote re friends and he says he can dance!\rdblquote --and was very glad we were playing it.
Senior week was fun--the band stuck together. Kenny was a bit at a loss, since Lisa didn\rquote t go to Cabot High. She\rquote d be graduating a week after us. \ldblquote At least I get two proms,\rdblquote Kenny laughed. But she wasn\rquote t around for senior week--even if Kenny had been able to get her in to some of the stuff, it wouldn\rquote t be possible, because this was her finals week. At least, as she\rquote d told us, she didn\rquote t have any finals on Friday, the day after the prom! But Kenny was a bit at a loss for the picnic and the trip to Canobie Lake, so he hung out with Debbie and I. Our two band couples were, of course, stuck to one another like glue!
Anyhow, that all ended--and it was prom night.
We got there in the afternoon to set up the equipment. After that was done, we went to get ready.
We decided not to do the limos this time--the hotel rooms cost enough money! So, after I got changed into the tux, I took my car to pick Debbie up.
If anything, she looked better than last year! She\rquote d gone for spaghetti straps instead of sleeveless, but it was a nice rose-pink color. And, as I said to her, \ldblquote That\rquote s some impressive cleavage on that dress!\rdblquote
\ldblquote Picked it out just for you,\rdblquote she smirked.
Anyhow, her parents took the obligatory roll of pictures. Then we went back to my house so my parents could take \b their\b0 roll. After that, it was off to the prom.
We got to the prom, got those pictures taken, then found our table. Stan and Michelle had beaten us there. The rest of the crew showed up shortly thereafter. We ate, chatted a bit, and then it was time to play.
Our collective classmates had a chuckle when they saw us getting up to play outfitted in the traditional prom garb. So, I figured I\rquote d say something. \ldblquote Hey folks, welcome to our grand experiment--figuring out if you can play rock music dressed in tuxes and prom dresses!\rdblquote
\ldblquote Hey, if they can dance in \lquote em, we can play in \lquote em, right?\rdblquote Stan said, cracking everyone up.
\ldblquote Good point,\rdblquote I laughed. \ldblquote Everybody ready? Here we go. One, two, three, four....\rdblquote And, with that, Debbie and I hit the opening riff to \ldblquote Message in a Bottle.\rdblquote
We started off as usual--with \ldblquote Message\rdblquote , followed by \ldblquote Prove it All Night.\rdblquote After that, Michelle\rquote s first song of the night was now \ldblquote Our Lips Are Sealed,\rdblquote though Debbie sang on it so much it was almost a duet. It went over well, especially with all the girls there! Then back to a couple of standbys. The first was \ldblquote Here Comes My Girl.\rdblquote I stepped up to the mike and said, \ldblquote You know what? I don\rquote t have anyone to sing this song to anymore. Ah, fuck it!\rdblquote Debbie giggled--and pointed with her eyes to Olivia, who was sitting at a table with her date looking none too happy. I didn\rquote t say what I said for her benefit--it just came out. Ah, well--as I had just said, fuck it.
We did one slow song--and then Debbie stepped up to do \ldblquote Angel of the Morning.\rdblquote She told me she wanted to get it over with early. She got a round of applause when people realized she was gonna sing a song. But when people realized \b what\b0 song, everything just stopped. Nobody was talking, nobody was doing anything--nobody was even dancing. They were all just watching Debbie, all unruffled dignity, play and sing her way through that song. When she was done, the place exploded. And she didn\rquote t break down.
After that, we whipped through some familiar stuff--Because The Night, Loving Feeling--and some stuff we\rquote d just worked up. The Beatles\rquote song this set was \ldblquote Drive My Car.\rdblquote In the second slow section, we put \ldblquote Tempted,\rdblquote by Squeeze, a song I love singing. And we ended off the set with me growling my way through the way-too-low-for-me \ldblquote Pretty In Pink.\rdblquote I got through it anyhow\tab !
We absolutely blew through that first set. It was 45 minutes and seemed like about 10. It just flew by. We were damn hot that night.
It continued when we took the stage for the second set. We kicked that set off with \ldblquote The Waiting\rdblquote into \ldblquote Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic.\rdblquote We were absolutely nailing it--every note, everything. Then we proceeded to nail \ldblquote Tiny Dancer\rdblquote --and, yes, keeping that in the set was a little bit of a message to Olivia, since that was her favorite song. After that, we did \ldblquote God Only Knows\rdblquote .
The second set, like the first, flew by. We did \ldblquote Two Hearts\rdblquote . We absolutely nailed \ldblquote Centerfold\rdblquote by the J. Geils Band, after which Debbie stepped to the mike and said, \ldblquote You\rquote ll all be singing that song about me in ten years.\rdblquote Michelle did a new Pretenders\rquote song, \ldblquote Talk of the Town,\rdblquote and did one of her standbys, \ldblquote Sara.\rdblquote The new slow song in that set was \ldblquote Waiting For A Girl Like You\rdblquote by Foreigner, which got a big cheer. The Beatles\rquote song was \ldblquote I Feel Fine.\rdblquote After \ldblquote Bang A Gong\rdblquote and \ldblquote Good Girls Don\rquote t,\rdblquote we went into \ldblquote 867-5309,\rdblquote which was one of the current big hits. We ended the second set with ELO\rquote s \ldblquote Don\rquote t Bring Me Down.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You know what?\rdblquote Michelle said in between sets while we were gathered at our table, \ldblquote Tonight we might just be the greatest band in the world.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I know,\rdblquote Debbie agreed. \ldblquote It\rquote s like magic. We found a gear I didn\rquote t even know we had.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, let\rquote s go see if we can find another one, hm?\rdblquote Stan said.
We kicked off the third set with a Journey song. Once the gang found out I could sing \ldblquote Open Arms,\rdblquote they said we should add \ldblquote Don\rquote t Stop Believin\rquote\rdblquote to the set. We started the third set off with it--and I kicked ass, and got a big ovation. Michelle picked things up with \ldblquote Only The Lonely\rdblquote by the Motels. After that, we did one near and dear to my heart--\rdblquote Cynical Girl,\rdblquote by Marshall Crenshaw. It was the most obscure thing in our whole setlist, but I loved it and enjoyed singing and playing it.
We kept \ldblquote Bette Davis Eyes\rdblquote and \ldblquote Cadillac Ranch\rdblquote in the third set. We added Huey Lewis\rquote s \ldblquote Do You Believe In Love.\rdblquote Even though it was a prom, we still did \ldblquote Love Stinks,\rdblquote which got a laugh. Then we ended the third set with two new songs. First was an absolutely hellacious blast through the Talking Heads\rquote \ldblquote Once In A Lifetime.\rdblquote Everybody danced, and everyone went nuts. Then, we ended the set with \ldblquote Under Pressure.\rdblquote Debbie absolutely wailed the Freddy Mercury part, and we left the stage to raucous applause.
The final set got underway with another new song, \ldblquote Since You\rquote re Gone\rdblquote by the Cars. Most of the fourth set was the old stand-bys: Dreams, Go Your Own Way, the 12-string set, When A Man Loves A Woman. We tore through them.
The Big Finish kicked off with \ldblquote She Loves You,\rdblquote which got everyone bopping along. We did \ldblquote Brown Sugar\rdblquote and \ldblquote Born To Run,\rdblquote as usual. Michelle sang, \ldblquote I Love Rock and Roll,\rdblquote which went over very well. Then we did the usual closing numbers, \ldblquote Rock and Roll High School,\rdblquote and \ldblquote What I Like About You.\rdblquote
But, of course, we weren\rquote t done.
\ldblquote OK, folks, we\rquote ve got one more. Since it\rquote s the prom, we have to end with one more slow dance, right? So, everybody on the dance floor. Trust me, you all know this song!\rdblquote Kenny hit the piano intro, and I started right into \ldblquote Open Arms.\rdblquote
I absolutely completely fucking \b nailed\b0 it. I mean, not a fraction of a note out of place. It might\rquote ve been the most perfect vocal performance of my life. Either life.
And, yes, Livvie noticed. Believe me, I saw the look on her face.
Everybody danced. When we were done, the applause was deafening.
Afterwards, Stan summed it up. \ldblquote That was just about perfect.\rdblquote
We all got together in Stan and Michelle\rquote s room. Somehow Stan had gotten his hands on a case of beer. With eight of us, that wasn\rquote t a lot, but it was enough to get mellow. We hung out for a while, just chatting and rehashing the night. After a while, Kenny and Lisa went to their room. Shortly thereafter, Karen and Dave did the same. Debbie and I knew Michelle and Stan wanted to be alone, so we went to our room right after Karen and Dave did.
\ldblquote I have got to get out of this dress!\rdblquote Debbie giggled the minute we got to the room.
\ldblquote I know what you mean,\rdblquote I laughed, picking at my tux.
\ldblquote I\rquote ll take the bathroom, since it\rquote ll take me longer.\rdblquote She grabbed the bag she had brought and took it to the bathroom. She came back out and turned her back to me. \ldblquote Before I go in there, could you help me with this zip?\rdblquote\line
\ldblquote Sure,\rdblquote I said, and unzipped her dress for her.
\ldblquote Thanks. Be right back.\rdblquote
She went into the bathroom, and I started getting out of my tux. After a few minutes, I heard her call from the bathroom.
\ldblquote Hey, Eddie. Do you believe in magic?\rdblquote
Well, I couldn\rquote t pass up an opening like that, could I? I immediately started singing. \ldblquote Do you believe in magic, in a young girl\rquote s heart.....\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh, stop it!\rdblquote Debbie shouted, laughing, from the bathroom.
\ldblquote Hey. You give a lead singer an opening like that, what do you expect?\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK,\rdblquote she said, still in the bathroom. \ldblquote Let me rephrase it, then. Do you believe in the concept of a magical night? One where things that aren\rquote t supposed to happen do?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I dunno. What do you mean?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, I mean, like us, the band. Did you see what we did tonight? We went to a place we\rquote ve never been.\rdblquote
\ldblquote We\rquote re getting better, Deb. We\rquote re young, I\rquote d expect us to get better as time goes on,\rdblquote I chuckled.
\ldblquote Maybe. Or maybe the whole Prom thing got us to a level we couldn\rquote t have gotten to on our own. Maybe it was magic, a magic night.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Maybe.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Good,\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote Eddie? I don\rquote t want the magic to end. Not yet.\rdblquote Before I could ask what she meant by that, the bathroom door opened, and she stepped out.
Wearing a black babydoll nightie and matching panties that left very, very little to the imagination. My jaw hit my chest!
\ldblquote Well, how do I look?\rdblquote she said, grinning.
\ldblquote Stunning. Is this for me?\rdblquote
\ldblquote You betcha,\rdblquote she said. She sat down on one of the beds. \ldblquote I want a night. I want tonight. We\rquote ve joked about it enough. But this time I\rquote m serious. We\rquote ll never be more than friends, we both know that--Michelle was right, we\rquote d kill each other,\rdblquote she laughed. \ldblquote But I want one night. I\rquote m unattatched--and so are you, for the moment. But I figure that won\rquote t last, so tonight it is.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You figure it won\rquote t last? What, you think I\rquote m going to find someone else right away?\rdblquote I laughed.
\ldblquote Oh, I know you,\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote And I know Livvie, too. Now that she\rquote s had her big night at the prom--and did you notice her date wasn\rquote t all that interested in dancing? Boy, did that serve her right,\rdblquote she giggled. \ldblquote Anyhow, since she had her big night, I predict she\rquote s going to come crawling back sometime this weekend. And you, because you are a complete sap, will let her.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You think?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Tell me you won\rquote t. Especially if she grovels.\rdblquote
\ldblquote It\rquote d have to be a hell of a grovel.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh, she\rquote ll pour it on. Anyhow, that\rquote s my prediction. So, this is the perfect chance for us to rip the sheets up together. I want it, and I\rquote m betting you do as well.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, if I didn\rquote t \b before\b0 I saw that getup.....\rdblquote I laughed.
\ldblquote Good, it worked.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Sure did,\rdblquote I agreed. \ldblquote And, you\rquote re right--we should do it at least once. One problem, though--I don\rquote t have anything.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, I\rquote m on the pill, but I prefer a fail-safe anyhow. And since I planned this....\rdblquote She reached over into her purse and withdrew a box of rubbers.
\ldblquote I should\rquote ve known,\rdblquote I grinned.
\ldblquote Good. Now get over here!\rdblquote
I have to admit it--I wasn\rquote t completely taken by surprise. Right when Deb suggested we share a room after the prom, I knew that her doing something like this was, at least, a possibility. All the jokes had an undercurrent of seriousness in them, and I knew it. And, quite frankly, that held true for jokes from me, too. Especially now that I was single--I was attracted to Debbie physically. Always had been. And, like she said, we were the best of friends. I don\rquote t need to be in love to have sex, but \b some\b0 emotional connection is necessary. \b
\b0
Debbie and I had one--as close friends and bandmates. Coupled with the undeniable physical attraction--that was enough for me!
And I\rquote m glad she\rquote d brought condoms. AIDS was just starting to be talked about--and at this point it was the \lquote gay disease\rquote --but I knew better. And Debbie was promiscuous. Better safe than sorry--luckily, even without knowing what AIDS was going to turn into, Deb agreed. I was also glad she\rquote d said that she preferred a fail-safe. I hope that was always--I didn\rquote t want anything nasty to happen to \b her\b0 either.
So, I let her lead me down the golden path, so to speak. We ended up in a clinch on the bed, our tongues dueling as she rolled on top of me. I reached up and slipped my hand under that nightie, so I could get my hand on one of those impressive boobs.
\ldblquote My goodness, you\rquote re built,\rdblquote I said.
\ldblquote I could say the same,\rdblquote she laughed, running her hand up and down my bicep. I almost cracked up at that--thinking that she never would\rquote ve been able to say that the first time around!
I reached for the hem of her nightie. \ldblquote I wanna see those things,\rdblquote I laughed.
\ldblquote You and every other guy in school.\rdblquote
I abruptly stopped--thinking of her history, and all the reasons she chose to sing \ldblquote Angel of the Morning\rdblquote tonight. I took a breath, and looked at her. \ldblquote Deb, if you\rquote re going to lump me in with all the rest of those guys, we\rquote re not going to do this. I think more of you than that, and I don\rquote t want you to forget that.\rdblquote
She smiled at me. \ldblquote Eddie, I know that. And, no, I do not and will not lump you in with the rest of them. You\rquote re a friend, a true friend. You realize this is the first time I\rquote ve ever gone to bed with someone I really truly liked as a person? Hell, I\rquote ve rarely been to bed with someone I really \b knew\b0 as a person. So, no, this is different. A lot different.\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK,\rdblquote I smiled.
\ldblquote But, you have to admit,\rdblquote she giggled, \ldblquote around Cabot High, my tits are sort of a tourist attraction.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, I can see why,\rdblquote I chuckled. I reached down again and quickly stripped her nightie off. And gasped. \ldblquote Shit., now I can really see why!\rdblquote
\ldblquote They are my best asset,\rdblquote she said.
\ldblquote No, dear. They\rquote re not. That\rquote d be the ability to play every instrument known to man,\rdblquote I said. She grinned at that, pleased. \ldblquote These \b are\b0 quite impressive, however.\rdblquote Whereupon I leaned over and took one into my mouth.
\ldblquote Oooh!\rdblquote she shrieked, and started wiggling under my ministrations. I drubbed her nipple with my mouth, getting a nice yelp for my troubles.
As I kept up nibbling on her boob, something became quickly apparent--this was gonna be \b loud\b0 . Not that I minded, but we \b were\b0 in a hotel!
After a bit of tongue work on her boob--and a lot of yelps and wheezes--I pulled off. \ldblquote Well, that gives the lie to the cliche.\rdblquote
\ldblquote What cliche?\rdblquote she asked.
\ldblquote The one that says that the smaller ones are more responsive.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh, God, not in my case,\rdblquote she laughed.
\ldblquote I noticed.\rdblquote I went back to work, getting more happy yelps. While I did that, I gently slipped a hand under her panties. Boy, was she soaked!
\ldblquote Hold up a minute,\rdblquote she said just after she started panting. \ldblquote You need to...wait a minute. First, get up here.\rdblquote I lifted my face to hers--whereupon she kissed the living daylights out of me.
\ldblquote Wow,\rdblquote I said after she broke the kiss.
\ldblquote Thank you,\rdblquote she laughed. \ldblquote Now. The reason I told you to stop in the first place.\rdblquote I was wearing my usual sleeping attire--a tee shirt and shorts--and she started tugging on the hem of my tee shirt. \ldblquote I want you naked,\rdblquote she giggled.
\ldblquote Well...\rdblquote I said, and reached down for her panties.
\ldblquote One at a time,\rdblquote she laughed. \ldblquote Let me.\rdblquote She got my tee shirt off, then reached for my shorts.
OK, I guess I was never going to get over my self-consciousness about my less-that-prodigious size. And it was worse with a girl as experienced as Deb was. Luckily, she didn\rquote t seem to care--considering she looked at it and said, \ldblquote Yum!\rdblquote
\ldblquote Thanks,\rdblquote I said. \ldblquote Now let me have my yum,\rdblquote I said, and reached again for her panties. She laughed and lifted her hips to help me out. \ldblquote Blonde all over,\rdblquote I commented.
\ldblquote What, you thought it was from a bottle?\rdblquote
\ldblquote No, but this clinches it. Now shut up and kiss me again.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Gladly,\rdblquote she said, and then she did. Her hand reached down and grabbed my dick at the same time that mine moved down to gently fondle her pussy. Her mouth opened to let my tongue in. She moaned into my mouth as I rubbed her pussy. After a few minutes of that, I broke away from her mouth and went for her boob again.
\ldblquote Oh, that feels wonderful,\rdblquote she moaned, \ldblquote but I hope you\rquote re going to keep going lower.\rdblquote
I grinned up at her. \ldblquote No blushing violet you.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, I do remember you once bragging to me how good you were at that. So I\rquote m just expecting you to put your money where your mouth is.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Put your pussy where my mouth is, you mean,\rdblquote I quipped, cracking her up. \ldblquote Don\rquote t worry, I\rquote ll get to it. I like to savor the appetizer before I move onto the entree.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Funny, I thought pussy-eating was the appetizer.\rdblquote
\ldblquote That\rquote s because you\rquote ve never had me do it to you.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh, this better be good!\rdblquote
\ldblquote You just wait. Trust me.\rdblquote And with that, I went back to her boob.
\ldblquote OK, I admit it,\rdblquote she gasped. \ldblquote If you\rquote re as good at that as you are at this...\rdblquote I just grinned to myself and kept at her boobs.
I didn\rquote t want to keep her waiting too long, however, so after a couple more minutes at her boob, I started kissing my way down her stomach. She sighed happily and spread her legs. I took my time going down her stomach--I loved doing that--but I was heading directly for paydirt the whole time. I thought about skipping by and going for a knee as a tease, but she was squirming so much by that point I think she would\rquote ve killed me!
So, I didn\rquote t dawdle. From the first lick up her pussy, she was shuddering. And, boy, was she wet! Her juices completely covered my tongue from the first pass! Not that I minded.
Seeing how worked up she was, I only went up and down her pussy lips a couple of times, before I headed for her very prominent clittie. I hadn\rquote t realized how big it was until I bumped it with my tongue. Jesus! This was by far the biggest clit I\rquote d ever encountered, in either life. No wonder she was so damn horny--what with this thing to satisfy! After a couple of bumps with my tongue, I was able to wrap my lips right around it and suck.
It quickly became very apparent that my prediction--that she was going to be loud--was right on. The minute my lips wrapped around that clittie, the volume started increasing. When I drummed my tongue on her clit while sucking on it, the screeches began to approach a crescendo.
\ldblquote Oh, God! Eddie! Oh! Eddie! Eddie! ED-EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\rdblquote
Shit, I think that one was audible in downtown Boston!
I let her come down from that one--and went for two. \ldblquote Oh, God, again?\rdblquote she yelped.
\ldblquote You betcha,\rdblquote I told her, and dove back in. Since she\rquote d gotten a good one, I meant to savor this one. So, I eased off her clit, so she\rquote d come down some, and went back to nuzzling my tongue into her labia.
She was still running like a river, and squirming like a trapped cat. And the yelps were starting up again. But I still took my time, savoring her juices as I lapped up and down her pussy. After a few, I stopped at the bottom and stuck my tongue into her opening, producing a nice wriggle-and-screech.
You know what? This was fun! She was responsive and willing and eager and all that good stuff. And she was clearly enjoying my attention.
I pulled out of her opening and resumed dragging my tongue up and down her labia. After a few strokes, I went for her clit. I kept that up, nudging her prominent clit with my tongue every third stroke or so, working her back up. When the yelping started to get more pronounced, I zeroed in on her clit, keeping at it until she screamed out her next orgasm.
I crawled up next to her on the bed while she came down from that one. After a few minutes, she opened her eyes, looked over at me, and grinned. \ldblquote OK. You weren\rquote t lying. You are damn good at that.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Told you.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yes, you did,\rdblquote she laughed. \ldblquote And, you know, I\rquote ve been told I\rquote m pretty good at reciprocating that bit.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh, really?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Definitely,\rdblquote she said. And, before I knew it, she was leaning over me with my dick in her mouth.
OK, she wasn\rquote t whistling Dixie. She was \b damn\b0 good. She used just the right amouth of pressure, and knew when to back off from the head and work the shaft. She bobbed up and down on my dick for a while, then backed off and lapped at the head. Then back to the bobbing.
She knew her shit. It\rquote s not the easiest thing for me to cum from a blowjob--I came in absolutely no time from Deb\rquote s efforts.
\b\ldblquote\b0 Uh-oh, I killed it.\rdblquote she said after she\rquote d swallowed.
\ldblquote That won\rquote t last long,\rdblquote I laughed. \ldblquote C\rquote mon up here and give us a kiss.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I still got sperm-breath.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Like I care?\rdblquote I laughed. \ldblquote Besides which, I still got all your pussy drippings on my chin.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Goody!\rdblquote she giggled, and then kissed the daylights out of me again. She ended up on top of me, kissing, and we were just kind of fondling and rubbing bodies together. A few minutes of her nipples drilling into my chest--not to mention her hand rubbing away at my dick--and I was at full-staff.
\ldblquote Told you,\rdblquote I said.
\ldblquote Yes, you did,\rdblquote she agreed with a laugh. She reached over to the table and grabbed one of the condoms she\rquote d brought. I thought she\rquote d hand it to me, but she didn\rquote t. She broke open the wrapper and pulled it out, then she reached down for my dick.
\ldblquote Oh, how helpful,\rdblquote I teased.
\ldblquote Just an excuse for me to get my hand on your dick,\rdblquote she teased back.
\ldblquote Like you need an excuse,\rdblquote I countered.
She laughed. \ldblquote Damn, you\rquote re fun in bed.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Sex is supposed to be fun, right?\rdblquote
\ldblquote In theory. Most guys are either just concerned with their own orgasm, or they\rquote re all nervous.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I\rquote m not nervous because this certainly isn\rquote t close to my first time, and also because we\rquote re friends. As for the other thing--if that\rquote s all I wanted, I could just jerk off.\rdblquote
She laughed. \ldblquote You \b sure\b0 you\rquote re a guy?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Positive. And since I\rquote m all ready, all you have to do is lie back and you\rquote ll know for sure I\rquote m a guy.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Goody!\rdblquote she laughed, and got herself situated on the bed. I hovered over her, and slipped right into her.
\ldblquote Mmmmmm,\rdblquote she hummed as I hit bottom. \ldblquote Oh, that\rquote s good.\rdblquote Whereupon I made sure to grind myself on her clit--and her little hum got a lot louder and rose three octaves!
I started a slow and steady pace. Debbie obviously liked it, what with all the \ldblquote Oh, Eddie!\rdblquote squealing I was getting. When I sensed she was getting into it, I picked up the pace.
Her vocalizations went right with me. \ldblquote Oh! Oh! OH! OH! OOOOOOOHHH! EDDIE! EDDDEEEEEEEEEE!\rdblquote
Man, I hoped this hotel room was soundproofed!
Since she\rquote d given me a blowjob not long before, I knew I could last a while. So, she beat me across the finish line. And if there had been a glass in the room, it would have shattered!
Jeez. I\rquote d been with some girls that voiced their pleasure enthusiastically, but Debbie absolutely took the cake. No wonder she was a complete nymphomaniac.
After she came, I slowed down for a bit to let her catch her breath. Then I started up again.
\ldblquote Oooooh!\rdblquote she gasped. \ldblquote More? You stud!\rdblquote I just grinned at her and kept going. She howled out her second before I got there.
I collapsed beside her and she crawled into my arms, still breathing heavy.
\ldblquote Boy,\rdblquote she said after she caught her breath. \ldblquote That was great. I usually don\rquote t get to two from that. And four altogether is just about unheard of.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Stamina\rquote s my strong suit.\rdblquote
\ldblquote That\rquote s a good strong suit to have,\rdblquote she giggled. \ldblquote Though, I have to tell you, that\rquote s not your number one strong suit.\rdblquote
\ldblquote What is?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Tempo,\rdblquote she laughed. \ldblquote You know exactly when to speed up and when to slow down and all. You fuck like a rhythm guitarist.\rdblquote
I cracked up. \ldblquote Well, that\rquote s good, because you orgasm like a soprano.\rdblquote
\ldblquote True, all true. Michelle and Stan are in the next room, aren\rquote t they?\rdblquote I nodded. \ldblquote Yeah, well, we\rquote re gonna get grilled. Because I bet they heard me.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I think the whole hotel heard you.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I\rquote m not shy.\rdblquote
\ldblquote No, you are not.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Eddie? Thanks. I\rquote m so glad we did this. It was everything I\rquote d expected.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Ditto, and ditto.\rdblquote
We curled up together under the blankets.
\ldblquote Sing me to sleep,\rdblquote she said.
I thought for a minute--and then launched into \ldblquote Crazy Love.\rdblquote She giggled through the first verse--and then picked up the harmony on the second.
We fell asleep right after.
\b JUNE 11th, 1982\b0
I woke up to find Debbie sprawled all over me. I didn\rquote t mind at all. Well, I wouldn\rquote t have minded if I didn\rquote t have to pee. And she was completely on top of me. I had to gently wake her up so I could go to the bathroom.
When I got back, she was lying on the pillow--still stark naked, as was I--and blinking at me sleepily. \ldblquote Sorry,\rdblquote I said to her, \ldblquote but you were right on top of me and I really had to go.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I know,\rdblquote she said, and then yawned. \ldblquote Time is it?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Eight.\rdblquote
\ldblquote We\rquote re meeting the rest of them for breakfast?\rdblquote
\ldblquote At 9:30.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Good, that gives us a half-hour to shower and get dressed.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Your math is off, it\rquote s an hour and a half.\rdblquote
\ldblquote No, because I have plans for that first hour. Get back in this bed.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh, twist my arm,\rdblquote I laughed, and crawled back into the bed.
After another roll in the hay for the first hour, and a rather fun mutual-shower, we headed down to breakfast, arm-in-arm.
\ldblquote Regrets?\rdblquote she asked.
\ldblquote Not a one,\rdblquote I said. \ldblquote Look, I\rquote m partially to blame for Olivia and I breaking up. I know that. But we did break up, and she was with someone else last night at the prom, right?\rdblquote
\ldblquote You think she did something else besides go to the prom last night?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Don\rquote t know--and more importantly I don\rquote t really care. And I don\rquote t mean that in a callous way--it\rquote s just not my business anymore.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Even if you guys get back together?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah. When you\rquote re together, you\rquote re together--but when you\rquote re not, you\rquote re not. That\rquote s the way I look at it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Good. I want to make sure this doesn\rquote t affect our friendship. And if you had regrets....\rdblquote
\ldblquote No worries, Deb. Nothing will affect our friendship.\rdblquote
\ldblquote That\rquote s what I wanted to hear.\rdblquote
We got down to breakfast and met up with the rest of the guys. And, yes, Michelle quizzed us--because she\rquote d heard the screaming!