REWIND
CHAPTER ELEVEN
\ldblquote GIVE ME THE BEAT, BOYS, AND FREE MY SOUL\rdblquote\b0
\pard\b JANUARY 5th, 1980\b0
There were, of course, compensations. Kara being number one.
We spent this day, a Saturday, together. She\rquote d be going back to school on Sunday night. As I said, this was going to be the big test of the whole long-distance thing, as I wouldn\rquote t see her again until March, when she had a two-week break. We\rquote d be apart two months.
We were together today, though. We\rquote d gone to the movies, then got something to eat at the mall. Then we headed to her house, which was empty. It was rather amazing how much leeway we\rquote d been given by our parents. They all just seemed to have accepted the fact that we were having sex and figured, better in one of our houses than, say, Braddox Hill. In January. I couldn\rquote t argue with that!
The sex was incredible, as always. The cuddling and chatting afterwards was just as incredible.
Honestly, there were days I thought about telling her. I really did think if there was anyone on earth who could hear my story and not freak out, it would be Kara. But there was no guarantees of that, and I didn\rquote t know how it would affect us. And I didn\rquote t know if I wanted to drop all this crap on someone else\rquote s head. I\rquote d told myself I would never tell anyone, that it was too dangerous. And I\rquote d only broken that vow with someone who was on her deathbed. But it was a burden, knowing the future, it really was.
But Kara was perceptive, and, as we snuggled up to one another, she couldn\rquote t help but notice that I was quiet. \ldblquote Penny for your thoughts?\rdblquote she said.
\ldblquote My thoughts are worth at least a nickle,\rdblquote I joked.
\ldblquote Uh-huh,\rdblquote she grinned. \ldblquote Anyhow, you just seemed pretty pensive.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, I often am. Just kind of thinking. Of course, one thing I was thinking of was, I wonder how many other people in the general vicinity are getting laid right now?\rdblquote
She cracked up. \ldblquote Oh, you just wait until you get to college. I\rquote m not in college, of course, but I live in a dorm. My roommate and I were talking about that the Saturday before I left, wondering how many people in the dorm were getting laid right at that minute.\rdblquote
\ldblquote And bemoaning that neither of you were.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Of course,\rdblquote Kara agreed, grinning. \ldblquote At least I knew I would be soon. Ellen has no boyfriend at the moment.\rdblquote She sighed. \ldblquote And I\rquote m going to be back waiting starting tomorrow. Two months. This is gonna suck.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I know, sweetie, but we can do this,\rdblquote I told her.
\ldblquote I know we can. Study, study, study, I suppose,\rdblquote she said with a wry little grin.
\ldblquote That\rquote s the ticket. Plus, the Winter Olympics are coming up. I love the Olympics so that will divert me.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Let me get this straight. The Olympics will divert you from thinking about sex and me?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, no, not really, but it was worth a shot, wasn\rquote t it?\rdblquote We both laughed at that. \ldblquote It\rquote ll give me something to do, though.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You just better not get so involved in the Olympics that you forget to call me.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Never.\rdblquote
\b JANUARY 19th, 1980
\b0
Nine days after my fifteenth birthday. Yahoo.
Two days before this, on Thursday the 17th, I\rquote d been at lunch with the crowd. Michelle was sitting next to me. \ldblquote You like Steve Martin?\rdblquote she asked me, referring to the comedian.
\ldblquote Love him.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Have you seen The Jerk yet?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Nope, not yet.\rdblquote Of course, that wasn\rquote t exactly true, though I hadn\rquote t seen it in this life. It had just been released in December. It was Steve Martin\rquote s first movie.
\ldblquote Darn. I was hoping you\rquote d be able to tell me if it was any good.\rdblquote
\ldblquote It\rquote s Steve Martin, it\rquote s got to be good.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah. I want to see it,\rdblquote she said.
\ldblquote So, let\rquote s go see it. Saturday.\rdblquote
She blinked. \ldblquote You and Kara didn\rquote t break up did you?\rdblquote
\ldblquote No,\rdblquote I said, slightly confused.
\ldblquote So, you\rquote re just asking if I want to go see the movie as friends?\rdblquote
I laughed, getting it now. \ldblquote Yeah, of course.\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK. Then, let\rquote s do it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You wouldn\rquote t have gone if it were a date?\rdblquote I teased.
\ldblquote I didn\rquote t say that,\rdblquote she teased back. \ldblquote Though I would\rquote ve been confused, because of Kara.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Nope, Kara and I are still together. I want you as a friend. And someone who will appreciate Steve Martin with me.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You can count on that!\rdblquote
We met at the mall for lunch before we headed over to the movie theater. \ldblquote So, how is this whole long distance relationship thing?\rdblquote she asked over our sandwiches.
\ldblquote It ain\rquote t easy, I\rquote ll tell you that. My phone bill is eating up my paycheck.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I\rquote ll bet. You can\rquote t get a break, more salary to pay for the phone, since you work for your dad?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Not with \b my\b0 dad,\rdblquote I laughed. \ldblquote Nah, that part\rquote s fine, we switch the calling. I do miss her though.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Does she know you\rquote re going to a movie with me?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Of course,\rdblquote I said. \ldblquote I told her Thursday night when we talked. She trusts me. Plus, she knows you\rquote re probably still hung up on Stan.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh, please, let\rquote s not go there. He\rquote s got Christy.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Hopefully, he\rquote ll wake up,\rdblquote I said. \ldblquote Look, Christy\rquote s nice and sweet and all, but she drives me crazy. She\rquote s such an airhead.\rdblquote
Michelle broke up. \ldblquote Well, \b I \b0 wasn\rquote t gonna say it! But Stan seems to like her.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I think she\rquote s getting on his nerves a little.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I refuse to get my hopes up. Anyhow, what happened with you and Kelly? You never told me that.\rdblquote
So, I told her. \ldblquote Wow,\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote Now I know why Kelly doesn\rquote t look so happy lately.\rdblquote
\ldblquote She made her own bed,\rdblquote I said.
\ldblquote I know, but still, I feel bad. Haven\rquote t you ever made a mistake?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Plenty,\rdblquote I said, \ldblquote but the mistake wasn\rquote t the problem. Breaking up with me was the problem. It made me ask if she ever really loved me.\rdblquote
\ldblquote She did. Trust me, Eddie, anyone that saw you two together saw that.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Then why did she not give it a shot to work itself out?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I can\rquote t answer that one for you, Ed,\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote Guilt? Shame? Lots of things.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I know. Well, it all worked out for me anyway. I\rquote ve got Kara again.\rdblquote
\ldblquote True. And you\rquote ve had a rough few months.\rdblquote She sighed. \ldblquote I miss Beth. You must really miss her.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You bet. At least I\rquote ve got friends to help me out.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You sure do,\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote That\rquote s one thing I always liked about you two. You were so close, but it wasn\rquote t romantic.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, yeah, but she was so young when she was diagnosed. I\rquote ll never know what would have happened if she\rquote d been healthy. I doubt we would\rquote ve ever become romantic, but anything\rquote s possible. We truly did love one another, though it was more platonic.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I know. I still think it was cool.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, I will admit, I like the idea of having a close female friend that I\rquote m not interested in that way. I think it\rquote s valuable.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, good, then I\rquote ll just have to be it,\rdblquote she laughed.
\ldblquote Yep!\rdblquote I agreed.
We finished our lunches and went to the movie. It was great. I hadn\rquote t seen it in quite a long time, so it was easier to pretend I was seeing it for the first time. I loved it, all over again, and Michelle loved it as well.
\b FEBRUARY 24th, 1980\b0
As January turned into February, I found myself wondering about that question again--what I should do with some of my advance knowledge.
Most specifically, I was wondering if I should be using it for financial gain.
It was different than playing God. But it was cheating, and I knew it.
What I\rquote m talking about is betting. Wagering on sporting events. Because I knew there was a big one coming in February.
Yes, I had some problems with the ethics of it. But, hell, not too many. Does that make me a hypocrite? Probably.
Who\rquote d lose? Other bettors? They were going to lose anyway. I wasn\rquote t forcing anyone else to lay down a bet. If they bet on the losing side, then they lost money, no matter what I did. So, who was going to lose, really?
Bookies.
Look, I grew up around bookies. My grandfather, before I was born, \b was\b0 a bookie. My Dad hung around with bookies, and even spent some time running numbers for one, when he wasn\rquote t able to work because of his injuries, during my \lquote first life.\rquote So I knew bookies.
And one thing I knew is that the game was rigged in their favor.
I\rquote m not talking about Vegas--legal gambling. I\rquote m talking about illegal gambling, the bookie on the corner. The game\rquote s rigged in Vegas, too--but it\rquote s even more rigged on the street corner. These guys always make money, more than they pay out. It takes them getting completely blindsided to lose money, and it doesn\rquote t happen often.
So, that\rquote s who my foreknowledge would lead me taking money from.
I didn\rquote t have a problem with it.
Rationalization? Oh, sure. But, fuck it. I didn\rquote t bet on every little thing that came down the pike. I couldn\rquote t--I didn\rquote t want Dad to get too suspicious of my \lquote premonitions\rquote . Of course, he was going to be suspicious of this one in any case--but I didn\rquote t care. There was serious money to be made.
The US Olympic Hockey Team was going off at 100-1. Heh heh heh.
I grabbed Dad about a week before the games started and I told him I wanted him to make the bet for me. \ldblquote Are you serious?\rdblquote he said. \ldblquote They\rquote re seeded seventh. They\rquote re a hundred to one, there\rquote s no way they\rquote re going to beat the Soviets!\rdblquote
\ldblquote Trust me, Dad, I got a hunch,\rdblquote I told him. \ldblquote Just place the bet for me.\rdblquote And I handed him two hundred bucks.
That\rquote s when he realized I was serious. I usually gave him twenty or forty for a bet. Two hundred? He gasped.
\ldblquote You really are willing to risk this much money?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yep. I got a hunch, I told you.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Fine,\rdblquote he said--then he did what he often did. He put in his own money, more than I had, but said since I was the one doing the picking we\rquote d split the winnings fifty-fifty. This time, he threw in seven hundred bucks. I went and got another hundred, to make it an even thousand. That third hundred would keep me out of candy for three weeks--and I\rquote d probably be late giving Mom the money for all my long-distance phone calls to Kara--but I know I\rquote d be making up for it.
A hundred grand, split in half. Fifty grand for me. I couldn\rquote t wait!
Dad came home from work and sat down to watch the games with me every night. The USA was in a preliminary group of six. The top two would advance to the final group of four. The two favored to advance from the USA\rquote s group were Sweden and Czeckoslovakia. Those were the two teams that the USA would play first.
It happened like it did the first time. A last second goal gave them a 2-2 tie with Sweden. They got down 2-1 to Czeckoslovakia and then went on a rampage, winning 7-3. They beat Norway and Romania, two teams they definitely should have. The last first round game was against West Germany. They got behind 2-0, then came back for a 4-2 victory. It was heart-stopping, the whole thing. They kept coming from behind--the only game they scored first was the Romania game. I, of course, knew what was going to happen but I remember it being heart-stopping the first time around. And poor Dad kept going into apoplexy!
Anyway, that got them into the final four, the medal round--and a date on Friday, Februarly 22nd, with the indomitable Soviet Union.
I wasn\rquote t a USSR-hater, not when it came to hockey, except for one thing. I\rquote ll get back to that. But the reason I mostly didn\rquote t hate them was because I was a hockey fan, and they knew how to play the game. They played beautiful hockey. It was a pleasure to watch them. They truly were the best team in the world.
Which is the reason I hated them--they shouldn\rquote t have been there.
This was back in the days, remember, that the Olympics were for amateurs. And \lquote amateurism\rquote in the USSR--the whole Soviet Bloc--was a sham. No, they didn\rquote t get money for playing their sport professionally. They got money from some government job. And the job was a fiction, while they trained. Vladislav Tretiak, the great USSR goaltender, was in the Army. Sure he was. And I\rquote m Bobby Orr.
The athletes from the west, on the other hand, either had to work a real job, go pro, or starve. So, in a sport like hockey, the USSR--a team of professionals by any other name--would be challenged by a bunch of college kids. In fact, back in those days, hockey players from the USA and Canada went to the Olympics hoping to be noticed by the NHL.
That\rquote s what made the ensuing events so special to me. I\rquote ve heard other things--that it \lquote gave the nation a boost\rquote in the wake of Afghanistan, Iran, runaway inflation, etc. Not for me. I\rquote m not a jingoist and, while I root for American teams in international sports, that\rquote s on the same level to me as rooting for the Red Sox. It\rquote s root, root, root for the home team. The USA hockey team was just a hockey team. It had nothing to do with global politics. That was crap parroted by the interlopers, the non-hockey people.
I was not a non-hockey person. I was from Boston. Bobby Orr? I grew up watching Bobby Orr. Boston was a hockey town. So, I didn\rquote t see this as any kind of grand statement thing--that\rquote s not why it was special to me.
I saw it for what it was. This was the equivalent of a high school team playing the Bruins, is what it was.
And they \b won\b0 .
I could almost remember it completely from the first time. The game was at 5 pm eastern time, but it was shown on tape delay at 8. By the time the broadcast was on, the game was over. But Dad diligently avoided any radio reports and I pretended to. (I had the first time around--I didn\rquote t want to know in advance.)
The Soviets scored first, of course. The US tied it. The Soviets went back ahead, but Mark Johnson of the USA tied it in the last second of the first period. 2-2.
In between periods, ABC showed the American skiier Phil Mahre winning a sliver medal in the slalom. I remembered that from the first time. That was somewhat of a surprise, and the great Olympic host Jim McKay, knowing about Mahre and knowing the final outcome of the hockey game, could barely keep it all in!
The Soviet coach must have seen something, because he pulled Tretiak--probably the best goalie in the world--and replaced him with Vladimir Myshkin for the second period. It seemed to have worked. Myshkin shut out the USA in the second period and the Soviets got a goal to go up 3-2.
Something happened in the locker room, though. Somehow, only being down one goal after two periods to the mighty Soviets gave the Americans confidence. They came out flying. Mark Johnson tied the game at 3, 8 minutes into the period. Then, a minute and a half later, the goal every American alive in 1980 remembers.
Mike Eruzione. 30 feet out. Slapshot. 4-3, USA.
It was great. Eruzione was the team captain, and he was one of ours. I don\rquote t just mean American--he was from Winthrop, a suburb of Boston, only about 15 miles from Cabot. Boy from down the street beats the Russians. How cool is that?
As the American team wildly celebrated Eruzione\rquote s goal, Dad turned to me with a wry grin on his face. With 700 bucks on the line and no stranger to irony, Dad said, \ldblquote Tretiak would\rquote ve had that one.\rdblquote
Indeed.
The Soviets had ten minutes left, and they spent the whole ten minutes throwing everything including the kitchen sink at Jim Craig, the American goalie (and another Boston guy). Craig stopped everything, even the kitchen sink. And then, as the clock ticked down, the great announcer Al Michaels delivered his most famous line: \ldblquote Do you believe in miracles? YES!!!\rdblquote
Dad stared at the screen for a minute, then turned to me and said, \ldblquote You \b are\b0 psychic!\rdblquote
\ldblquote Not yet. One more to go,\rdblquote I reminded him.
That one more was today, Sunday the 24th, against Finland. Even with the stunning victory over the Soviets, the Americans still had to beat Finland to win the gold medal. As usual, Finland scored first. In fact, they were up 2-1 after two periods. Poor Dad was having apoplexy.
Not to worry. The Comeback Kid Americans scored three goals in the third period. They weren\rquote t going to beat the Soviets and lose to Finland. No way. 4-2, USA, gold medal.
And fifty thousand freakin\rquote dollars for the time traveler!
\b MARCH 3rd, 1980\b0
I\rquote d been feeling more and more disconnected.
It started when Beth died. It got worse in January when Kara went back to school.
I still had friends in school, but I needed more. It seemed like everything I really cared about was either gone permanently--Beth--or temporarily, like Kara. The only thing I had to hold on to was my schoolwork. While that was damn necessary, and I knew it, it wasn\rquote t life-affirming or satisfying or anything like that. It was merely a means to an end.
I needed something besides schoolwork and working out, which I still did, to put my energies into. I needed a distraction.
Michelle, bless her, came up with one.
We were at lunch on this day and were discussing guitar and bass parts, as we often did--me, Michelle, and Stan. That\rquote s when Michelle had the brainstorm, and I don\rquote t know why I hadn\rquote t thought of it.
\ldblquote You know what we need to do?\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote We need to form a band. The three of us, and then we\rquote ll get some other people.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You think?\rdblquote Stan said.
\ldblquote Definitely,\rdblquote Michelle replied. \ldblquote You, Stan, can play lead guitar. Eddie can play rhythm and I\rquote ll play bass. Eddie can sing, and so can I.\rdblquote
\ldblquote And I\rquote ve gotten better,\rdblquote Stan said with a grin. \ldblquote I don\rquote t think you\rquote d want me to sing lead, but I\rquote m a baritone and can do low harmony.\rdblquote
\ldblquote There you go,\rdblquote Michelle agreed.
\ldblquote I\rquote m in,\rdblquote I agreed. \ldblquote Definitely. Sounds like fun.\rdblquote
Stan\rquote s friend Kenny Russell, who had been listening, spoke up then. \ldblquote You guys want a keyboard player? I\rquote m pretty good.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Really?\rdblquote Stan said. \ldblquote I didn\rquote t know that. I think we definintely want a keyboard player.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Maybe two,\rdblquote I added. \ldblquote I wouldn\rquote t mind having a sax player, either. And, of course, a drummer.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, let\rquote s get the word out, then!\rdblquote Michelle said. We all agreed enthusiastically.
\b MARCH 8th, 1980
\b0
The night before, Friday the 7th, Kara came home. She had an extended two-week Spring Break.
On this day, Saturday the 8th, my mother cleared the house out for the afternoon. She had stuff to do and took my brother and sister. Dad was working.
Kara came over shortly before noon and leapt right into my arms at the front door. \ldblquote Oh, God, I missed you!\rdblquote she said before kissing the daylights out of me.
This was the thing about long distance relationships. The separations were murder, but the reunions? Just fantastic.
I made lunch for both of us, and then we ended up on the couch in the living room, just cuddling and talking. We had talked often on the phone, but it was much better in person. I told her about the band idea.
\ldblquote That\rquote s fantastic!\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote You\rquote ll be great. Ed Bovilas, rock star. I can see it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah, right,\rdblquote I laughed. \ldblquote That\rquote s a stretch.\rdblquote
\ldblquote As long as you have fun. How are you doing besides that?\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK,\rdblquote I said. \ldblquote Grades are great.\rdblquote
\ldblquote That\rquote s good. How\rquote s the friends?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Good, mostly. Stan, Michelle, those guys are all good. Olivia\rquote s worrying me, though. She\rquote s already on her second boyfriend since Beth died. She doesn\rquote t look good and both of these guys were scum. I worry about her, and she doesn\rquote t really seem to want to talk to me.\rdblquote
\ldblquote She\rquote s not your responsibility,\rdblquote Kara pointed out.
\ldblquote I told Beth I\rquote d keep an eye on her,\rdblquote I said quietly.
\ldblquote I know you did, but you can\rquote t help a person who doesn\rquote t want to be helped.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I know,\rdblquote I sighed.
\ldblquote Believe me, I\rquote m having the same problem. And I have to do it long distance.\rdblquote
Hmmm. That meant it wasn\rquote t someone at school with her. \ldblquote Who?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I don\rquote t know if I should tell you,\rdblquote she sighed. Then, very quietly, she said, \ldblquote Kelly.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I have no idea what\rquote s up with her, she refuses to even talk to me.\rdblquote
\ldblquote She won\rquote t talk to me much either. I get updates from Danica. I\rquote ve tried to talk to Kelly but she\rquote s not very receptive. And you trying to talk to her would be completely unproductive--she hates your guts.\rdblquote
\ldblquote WHAT?\rdblquote I said. \ldblquote Jesus Christ, how did I get to be an asshole?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I don\rquote t know. You\rquote re the fault her life\rquote s miserable. Better to blame you than herself, I guess.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Jesus,\rdblquote I muttered, shaking my head.
\ldblquote She\rquote s completely messed up. Anyhow, enough about Kelly. How about you kissing me instead of talking?\rdblquote she said with a grin.
\ldblquote I can do that,\rdblquote I grinned back. And that\rquote s just what I did.
We ended up in a full-blown makeout session on the couch. When I reached for the buttons on her blouse, she said, \ldblquote Shouldn\rquote t we go upstairs?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Why bother? They won\rquote t be home for hours,\rdblquote I said. \ldblquote We can fool around right here.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oooh, how daring,\rdblquote she laughed.
\ldblquote That\rquote s me, Mister Daring,\rdblquote I joked. By then, I had her shirt off and was working on the bra. That quickly came off and I latched my lips onto her nipple. She moaned deeply and ran her hands through my hair.
While I worked over her boobs, my hands were working on the button of her jeans. Once I had the button undone, I tugged on the waistband. Kara lifted up off the couch and they were quickly off.
Well, what do you think I did?
It was actually an interesting angle, with her sitting on the couch. I got on my hands and knees and buried my face right into her pussy. She leaned against the back of the couch, outstretching her arms and grabbing the back of the couch with her hands while I licked at her pussy. While I was doing this, it occured to me that this might be a fun position for fucking.
So, after Kara came--with a nice groan--I straightened up. I quickly yanked my pants off and got back into a kneeling position between Kara\rquote s legs. Before she even knew what was happening, I was entering her.
It was actually a fun position, kneeling on the floor in front of her as she sat on the couch. For one thing, I didn\rquote t have to hold myself up with my hands so I could use them to roam all over her body. The other thing is that it put us directly face to face.
She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and held on as I moved into her. I leaned in and kissed her, my tongue plunging into her mouth as my dick moved in and out of her pussy. It didn\rquote t take long before she was crying out into my mouth and stiffening on the couch. I came shortly afterwards.
Cuddling afterwards, she said, \ldblquote I think I like this couch thing!\rdblquote
\b MARCH 15th, 1980\b0
Kara was still home, but she spent the day with her family, we\rquote d be getting together later. Her family insisted on some attention while she was home, reasonably--and I had another engagement.
We\rquote d gathered in Stan\rquote s garage. His parents were very supportive of the whole band thing, and he had a large garage that wasn\rquote t ever used for much. So, it became a handy place for band practice. On this day, it was for auditions.
We found a drummer very quickly. A guy named Dave Peterson, who I hadn\rquote t known in the first life. He was funny, seemed real easy to get along with, and was a fine drummer. We listened to a couple of other guys, but Dave was all of our first choice.
We also found a girl who could play second keyboards or saxophone. She could also play percussion if we didn\rquote t need keys or sax. Her name was Karen Goldberg, and she was another one from West Cabot that I hadn\rquote t known in the first life. She was pretty, quiet, and could play.
We figured that would complete the band, but we had one other person to audition, another sax player. We were pretty agreed on Karen, but it didn\rquote t hurt to see everyone that wanted to audition. So, we waited for the last person.
And I think we all gasped when she walked in. Debbie Romelski was, I think, the last person any of us expected to see trying out for the band.
I hadn\rquote t known Debbie either in the first life, but I knew who she was in this one. Everyone at Cabot High did. You see, Debbie was the girl at Cabot High with the \lquote reputation\rquote . You know what I mean. There were enough \ldblquote Debbie Does Cabot\rdblquote jokes around to stock a jokebook. We all looked at each other, and at her.
\ldblquote Well,\rdblquote she snorted, \ldblquote do you want to hear me play, or what?\rdblquote She\rquote d brought both tenor and baritone saxophones, and, it looked like, a guitar. We got over our surprise and told her to play.
And we got surprised all over again. She could \b play\b0 . She blew Karen away on tenor sax, was just as good at baritone. And she whipped out her guitar, plugged in, and blew us away again. She was a better guitarist than I was and almost as good as Stan. She kicked ass on every percussion instrument we gave her--she could even play drums in a pinch. As an added bonus, she was a fine singer, especially in harmonies--and she was a soprano, which we didn\rquote t have, Michelle being an alto.
After she left, we found ourselves in a discussion.
We still wanted Karen--Debbie couldn\rquote t play keyboards and we figured we needed the second keyboardist. Did we want Debbie, too? She was the best sax player we\rquote d heard and a third guitarist was a luxury but a nice one to have. The questions were, did we want seven people in the band, and a situation where Karen and Debbie both might have songs where they didn\rquote t have much to do? The other question was, as Stan inelegantly put it, \ldblquote Do we want the school slut in the band?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I don\rquote t know if that\rquote s at all relevant,\rdblquote I told him. \ldblquote At least it isn\rquote t to me.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Not to me, either, really,\rdblquote Stan agreed. \ldblquote However, she\rquote s got a rep, we can\rquote t deny it. I don\rquote t know if it\rquote s true or not, but it\rquote s out there. Will that affect the band? More to the point, I\rquote m thinking about Michelle and Karen. Will having someone with that rep in the band affect the other two girls in the band?\rdblquote
\ldblquote It doesn\rquote t matter to me at all,\rdblquote Michelle interjected. \ldblquote Look, if anyone thinks anything about me because of mere rumors about somebody else that happens to be in the same band as me--well, they can stick it. That\rquote s ridiculous.\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK. It\rquote s fine with me, then,\rdblquote Stan said, \ldblquote as long as Karen agrees.\rdblquote
We talked to Karen and she said the same thing that Michelle had said. So, we told Debbie she was in. She seemed really happy about it. So, now we had a band. I was really looking forward to it.
\b MARCH 29th, 1980\b0
Kara had gone back to school the previous Sunday, which was depressing. The band hadn\rquote t started going yet. I was back to concentrating on just schoolwork.
So, this day, a Saturday, I ended up hanging out up the street at the Neelands\rquote house.
We played some hoops, then ended up inside around the kitchen table. I remembered a whole lot of my adolescence the first time being spend around that kitchen table, or the picnic table in the backyard. If there was a party, that\rquote s where it was.
I missed these people in the first life. You know how it is, you can lose touch with childhood friends. I\rquote d see the Neeland trio in late 2004, but it was at a horrible occasion--Mrs. Neeland\rquote s wake. She\rquote d died of cancer, and she was only 58. Mrs. Neeland was like my second mother growing up.
Mrs. Neeland was a smoker. The thing is, I couldn\rquote t even bug her about that--she didn\rquote t die of lung cancer or anything like that; she died of myeloma, which is a cancer of the blood. It was like Beth--you couldn\rquote t do anything to prevent leukemia, either, since leukemia was also a cancer of the blood.
My friends seem to have bad luck with blood.
Anyway, knowing this, I decided to take advantage of the time I\rquote d have with her. On this day, we ended up around the kitchen table, drinking cokes and eating cookies. She\rquote d baked. That was just like her.
\ldblquote So, Ed, Dee\rquote s been trying to tell me about your love life, but I don\rquote t think I can keep up,\rdblquote Mrs. Neeland said with a laugh.
I cracked up. \ldblquote Well, you knew about Kelly.\rdblquote
\ldblquote But she broke up with you.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Right. So I got back together with Kara.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Who goes to school an hour away,\rdblquote Dee said with a snort.
\ldblquote Hey, where\rquote s your boyfriend?\rdblquote I teased. \ldblquote Anyhow, we\rquote ll have to see what happens. I\rquote m not going to lie, long-distance relationships suck. But Kara and I really do love one another.\rdblquote
\ldblquote How did you guys get back together?\rdblquote Mrs. Neeland asked.
\ldblquote She came home and was there for me after Beth died,\rdblquote I said softly.
\ldblquote Ah,\rdblquote she said.
\ldblquote How are you doing with that?\rdblquote Dee asked.
\ldblquote How does anyone do with something like that?\rdblquote I asked. \ldblquote OK, all things considering.\rdblquote I changed the subject. \ldblquote Did I tell you guys that we formed a band?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Really?\rdblquote Mrs. Neeland asked.
\ldblquote Yeah, me and my friends Michelle and Stan. We found some other people, so now we\rquote re going to start practicing.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You need the practice,\rdblquote Lynne, the younger Neeland sister, butt in.
\ldblquote Ah, whadda you know? You\rquote ve never heard me play.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I\rquote ve heard you sing.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah, and I\rquote m \b good\b0 ,\rdblquote I teased. \ldblquote Michelle and I are going to split the singing,\rdblquote I told the rest of them, \ldblquote and Michelle is terrific.\rdblquote
\ldblquote She\rquote ll have to be,\rdblquote Lynne kept it up.
\ldblquote Ah, shaddap.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Now, now, kids,\rdblquote Mrs. Neeland said with a grin. \ldblquote How\rquote s school, Ed?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Fine,\rdblquote I said.
\ldblquote I can\rquote t believe you didn\rquote t go to the Prep,\rdblquote George said with a snort.
\ldblquote Ah, well,\rdblquote I said.
\ldblquote I\rquote m gonna go to the Prep,\rdblquote he asserted. He probably would--he did in the first life.
\ldblquote Well, George, two things. First of all, you\rquote re an aspiring athlete. If you keep it up, you might be able to play baseball and basketball in high school, and the Prep\rquote s a great place for sports. However, I have to tell you, when you discover girls--you might change your mind.\rdblquote Lynne and Dee both giggled at that.
\ldblquote Ah, girls are stupid,\rdblquote George asserted. Lynne and Dee laughed harder.
\ldblquote You\rquote re what, almost nine? You\rquote ll change your mind,\rdblquote I told him.
\ldblquote Nah,\rdblquote he insisted. Yeah, right!
\ldblquote Is that why you didn\rquote t go to the Prep? Girls?\rdblquote Dee asked. \ldblquote And here you are dating some girl that goes to a private schoo!\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, true,\rdblquote I admitted, \ldblquote but it wasn\rquote t just dating. I\rquote m just not crazy about an all-male atmosphere. I mean, think about it--Michelle\rquote s one of my dearest friends. It doesn\rquote t matter that we\rquote re not dating and never will. It\rquote s just a better atmosphere with her around, and other girls. I mean, look at us. The neighborhood group. It\rquote s much better that it\rquote s co-ed.\rdblquote
\ldblquote True,\rdblquote Dee admitted.
\ldblquote Plus, there\rquote s no guarantee that Kara and I will continue.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Trouble in paradise?\rdblquote Dee grinned.
\ldblquote The distance is a problem, I won\rquote t deny it.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Ah.\rdblquote
\ldblquote We\rquote ll see what happens.\rdblquote
\b APRIL 13th, 1980
\b0 It was our first band practice. We gathered in Stan\rquote s garage and set up.
After staring at one another for a couple minutes, Stan said, \ldblquote Well, what do we know?\rdblquote Mumbling followed. \ldblquote Does everyone know Day Tripper?\rdblquote Stan followed.
\ldblquote You know I do,\rdblquote I laughed.
Michelle nodded, as did Debbie. \ldblquote You want me to play the riff or the rhythm?\rdblquote Debbie asked.
Stan looked at me and I nodded. \ldblquote The rhythm. Stan and I can double the riff. Hey, it\rquote s one of the few riffs I can play.\rdblquote Everyone laughed at that, then Stan counted us in and he and I hit the riff. Michelle came in with the riff on bass in the second pass, then Debbie hit the rhythm. Karen shook a tambourine, Dave hit the drum fill, and off we went. I sang it, and Stan took the low harmony. Michelle went up top on the choruses.
It sounded \b great\b0 . I mean, for a first song by a new band of teenagers, it sounded downright dynamite. One thing was apparent from the get-go: our rhythm section of Michelle and Dave was as solid as a rock, and that was a very valuable thing for a band to have. I knew Stan could play, I\rquote d played with him.
We knew from the first song: this was gonna fly. No doubt about it.
We ended that song with wide grins. \ldblquote The only problem was Kenny didn\rquote t have anything to do on that one,\rdblquote Stan said with a laugh.
\ldblquote That\rquote s OK, we can fix that,\rdblquote Kenny said. \ldblquote I know at least half this band is Springsteen fans. How about this one?\rdblquote And he hit the opening piano notes to Prove It All Night.
Stan, Michelle and I smiled at one another, and picked it up on the third measure of the intro. Dave hit his cymbals at the appropriate place, and then we were into the song proper.
Karen only knew it part-way, so the organ part was a bit lacking. But the rest of us knew it cold, and Stan was yelling out the chord changes to Karen, who picked up on it. There were a few organ flourishes she\rquote d have to learn, but that wouldn\rquote t be hard. Michelle picked up on Little Steven\rquote s vocal harmony part--sound appropriately gritty, which surprised me--and I sang the lead, Springsteen being someone I could always sing, in either life.
As we pounded through the verses, I noticed Debbie putting down her guitar and reaching for her tenor sax. I was wondering if she knew the song--specifically, the sax solo. I didn\rquote t have to wonder. She \b nailed\b0 the thing. I mean, note-perfect. Clarence \ldblquote Big Man\rdblquote Clemons couldn\rquote t have done better. Stan followed that with a nice screaming guitar solo, then we hit the third verse and on to the end.
When we were done, we couldn\rquote t stop grinning. \ldblquote Wow,\rdblquote Michelle finally said.
\ldblquote You\rquote re telling me. Ten minutes, two songs,\rdblquote Dave laughed.
\ldblquote Now we only need another fifty or so for a set list,\rdblquote Debbie said with a giggle.
\ldblquote Don\rquote t burst our bubble,\rdblquote I teased.
\ldblquote Yeah, before we learn the other fifty, I have to learn \b that\b0 one,\rdblquote Karen pointed out. \ldblquote I know it a little, I mean I\rquote ve heard it and all, but I\rquote ve never been much of a Springsteen fan.\rdblquote
\ldblquote We\rquote ll have to change that, considering Springsteen has lots of juicy organ parts,\rdblquote I told her.
\ldblquote Yep. This one\rquote s not too tough, either,\rdblquote Kenny said. He walked over to where Karen had her stuff set up, and sat down at her organ. \ldblquote Eddie? Give me some rhythm. It\rquote s just little fills,\rdblquote he told Karen. He looked at me and said, \ldblquote From the top of the verse. One-two-three...\rdblquote I played the chords and he did the little organ bits. Karen immediately picked up on it. After a run-through, Karen sat behind the organ and did some of the fills.
\ldblquote Let\rquote s try it again,\rdblquote Stan suggested. We all agreed, and blasted through it. And I heard the organ, loud and clear, sounding damn good. Karen was a quick study--that was good.
We spent all afternoon in that garage, trying stuff. Some we knew, some we didn\rquote t, and the day ended with lots of promises of tape-swapping. But we had a blast.
As I was leaving, Debbie sidled up to me.
\ldblquote Eddie? I just want to thank you guys. You know, for taking a chance on me.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Wasn\rquote t much of a chance,\rdblquote I said, though I knew what she was talking about. \ldblquote You blew us all away at the audition.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Thanks,\rdblquote she said with a grin, \ldblquote but, well, you know what I\rquote m talking about. I know what my reputation is.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Ah, who cares? Besides which, there are worse things.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Worse than being the school slut?\rdblquote she said disgustedly.
\ldblquote Sure. Try being the school nerd,\rdblquote I said, laughing.
\ldblquote You are not.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yes, actually, I am.\rdblquote
\ldblquote No, you\rquote re not,\rdblquote she insisted.
We got in front of Stan\rquote s house, and I sat on the wall at the front of his yard. I motioned for her to sit next to me. We were both waiting for our rides.
\ldblquote Debbie. You do know I\rquote m ranked second in the class, right?\rdblquote
\ldblquote No way.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yep. Michelle\rquote s fourth, by the way. You joined the nerd band,\rdblquote I teased.
\ldblquote Nah. Michelle\rquote s too pretty to be a nerd, even if she is smart. And somebody told me that you have a girlfriend who\rquote s a knockout.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Kara\rquote s pretty, sure, but you know where she goes to school? Andrews Academy. Hell, you have to be a nerd just to get into that place!\rdblquote
Debbie just shook her head, bemused. \ldblquote All right, all right, so you\rquote re a nerd.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Thank you,\rdblquote I grinned.
Her voiced dropped. \ldblquote At least you can live with what you are. Eddie, you see, I \b am\b0 a slut. That\rquote s the problem.\rdblquote
I looked at her. \ldblquote Can I ask you a couple personal questions?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Why?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Curiosity. Plus...well, let me ask you. You\rquote ll understand afterwards. I promise, this is not stuff I\rquote m asking to use against you or anything. Promise.\rdblquote She nodded her head. \ldblquote When did you lose your virginity?\rdblquote
\ldblquote About a year and a half ago. Beginning of ninth grade.\rdblquote
\ldblquote So, you were how old?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Fourteen. My birthday is in July, so I was a few months past fourteen.\rdblquote
\ldblquote And how many guys have you slept with?\rdblquote
She looked down. \ldblquote Five.\rdblquote
\ldblquote All right,\rdblquote I said. \ldblquote I do \b not\b0 talk about this, because I don\rquote t think that\rquote s right, but I think you need to hear it. First of all, as for numbers, you only have me beat by one. I\rquote ve been to bed with four girls. I will not tell you who, except I\rquote m sure that you can figure out that my current girlfriend, Kara, is one of them. I won\rquote t say who the other three are. But there\rquote s been four.\rdblquote
Her eyes bugged out of her head. \ldblquote Furthermore, in terms of time, I beat you by a few months. It was May of eighth grade for me. Oh, and I started school a year early, and my birthday\rquote s in January. You\rquote ll be sixteen in July?\rdblquote She nodded. \ldblquote I won\rquote t be sixteen until next January. So, I was only 13 my first time.\rdblquote
\ldblquote But that\rquote s different. You\rquote re a guy,\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote That\rquote s the way it works. You\rquote re a hero, I\rquote m a slut.\rdblquote
\ldblquote True. But that\rquote s society talking. That shouldn\rquote t be your problem.\rdblquote
\ldblquote But it is, you know?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Of course I know. Look, I wised up a bit starting in eighth grade, but before that? I really \b was\b0 the school nerd, and I got the beatings to prove it. I changed a few of the outer things about me, so I get hassled a bit less. But I\rquote m still a nerd. If other people have a problem with that, that\rquote s their problem.
\ldblquote So. You and I have rather similar sex lives. It\rquote s \b other\b0 people that would brand you a slut and me a stud, or whatever. I, personally, don\rquote t see any difference. Unless you\rquote re going to bed with people for the wrong reasons, but that\rquote s another issue entirely.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Two. I had two one-night stands in there that I\rquote m not proud of,\rdblquote she admitted. \ldblquote And, wouldn\rquote t you know, that\rquote s the two who started the talk. The other three were boyfriends, though one of them talked too.\rdblquote She looked at me. \ldblquote You don\rquote t talk?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Nope. It became common knowledge that I slept with Kara, but that\rquote s because Kara told. I mean, she told everyone--at a party we were all at. I was being Mister Discreet, and she blabbed. I think I turned twelve shades of red. I\rquote d told exactly one person that I knew was completely trustworthy.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Ah. Someone who you told everything to.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Right.\rdblquote
She sighed. \ldblquote Must be nice to have someone like that.\rdblquote
\ldblquote It was.\rdblquote
Debbie picked right up on that. \ldblquote Was?\rdblquote
\ldblquote She died in November.\rdblquote
\ldblquote That girl that went to school with us?\rdblquote
\ldblquote That\rquote s her. Beth Trovini. She was my best friend.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Man, that sucks,\rdblquote Debbie said. \ldblquote That young. Makes me think maybe I really don\rquote t have any problems.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Everyone has problems,\rdblquote I replied. \ldblquote Even Beth would\rquote ve said that. She was always willing to listen to mine, even after she got sick.\rdblquote
\ldblquote She had cancer or something, right?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Leukemia. And she had it for two and a half years before she died, and she knew she was dying. And she would still listen to my blathering.\rdblquote
\ldblquote You miss her a lot.\rdblquote
It wasn\rquote t a question, but I said, \ldblquote Yeah. I sure do.\rdblquote
She looked down, and then said, softly, \ldblquote You can tell me shit, if you need to. I\rquote m a good listener. And I know enough not to blab, believe me.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I do believe you,\rdblquote I said, smiling. \ldblquote And I just might. Thanks. And same goes.\rdblquote
She smiled, and then said, \ldblquote There is one thing I\rquote ve got to ask you.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Shoot.\rdblquote
\ldblquote How does a guy who calls \b himself\b0 a nerd nail four different girls?\rdblquote
I cracked up laughing, then recycled a riff from Revenge of the Nerds--which hadn\rquote t been released yet! \ldblquote You see, Debbie, we nerds don\rquote t concern ourselved with all that macho bullshit like sports and cars and stuff. So we have more time to think about girls. And since we\rquote re all smart, we know the anatomy better. So.....\rdblquote
She just looked at me before she burst out laughing. \ldblquote So, you\rquote re trying to tell me you\rquote re good?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I\rquote m \b very\b0 good.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Hmmm,\rdblquote she said, looking at me. \ldblquote Well, \b hmmm\b0 .\rdblquote
\ldblquote I\rquote m also very taken.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah, the good ones always are,\rdblquote she said, chuckling. \ldblquote See, I think that might be the difference. I\rquote ll bet all four of yours have been girlfriends. No one-night stands for you, right?\rdblquote
\ldblquote One.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Really?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah. Oh, it gets better. She\rquote s from California. And she\rquote s my second cousin.\rdblquote
\ldblquote No way!\rdblquote
\ldblquote Yeah.\rdblquote
\ldblquote How\rquote d that happen?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Since she\rquote s in Cali, you\rquote ll never meet her so I\rquote ll tell you,\rdblquote I said. \ldblquote First I have to explain the Kara thing. We\rquote ve actually gone out two separate times.\rdblquote I explained that.
\ldblquote OK,\rdblquote she said after I\rquote d gone through the Kara bit.
\ldblquote I first met Annabelle that first summer, after eighth grade, that I was going out with Kara. I think Belle liked me right away, and I would\rquote ve liked her too--but I don\rquote t cheat.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Good boy,\rdblquote she smiled.
\ldblquote Thank you. Anyhow, Belle met Kara. And Kara didn\rquote t actually \b tell\b0 Belle we were sleeping together, but she hinted. And she hinted in a very self-satisfied way.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Uh-huh.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, she did. Anyhow, Belle went back to Cali. Kara and I broke up, I had two other girlfriends during ninth grade, but was single in August when Belle came back for a return trip. And Belle told me she\rquote d lost her virginity to her boyfriend over the past year, but it wasn\rquote t anything special.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh, I get it--since Kara had been doing the wink-wink nudge-nudge smirk, Belle figured you\rquote d be something special.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Exactly.\rdblquote
\ldblquote So, were you?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Of course.\rdblquote
She reached over and playfully punched me on the shoulder. \ldblquote You really got to do something about that ego problem.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Hey, when you\rquote re good, you\rquote re good.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Uh-huh.\rdblquote
\ldblquote No, really. You see, I appreciate it more.\rdblquote
\ldblquote What do you mean?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Like I told you, I\rquote m a nerd. I never thought I\rquote d get girls. Furthermore, I mooned over Kara for two years and couldn\rquote t get her to give me the time of day.\rdblquote
\ldblquote What happened?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I realized I was being an idiot, so I stopped.\rdblquote Which was true, though it took me thirty years! \ldblquote Started talking to Kara like a human being and not a lovesick idiot. And when I asked her out and she said yes, I was cool and calm and collected about it. It was all an act, mind you, but it worked.\rdblquote
\ldblquote That\rquote s good,\rdblquote she laughed, \ldblquote but why would that have anything to do with how good you think you are?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Let me put it this way--you\rquote ve been with five guys. Any difference? I mean, did some \lquote get you there\rquote better than others?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh, yeah. My second boyfriend. I still wish he hadn\rquote t broken up with me. He was fantastic, and he wasn\rquote t one of the ones that talked either. A couple others were ok, a couple others were a disaster.\rdblquote
\ldblquote What\rquote s the difference?\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, he--the good one--took his time. He was slow and worked me up, you know? Plus....man, it\rquote s not easy to talk to a guy about this stuff!\rdblquote
\ldblquote Sure it is,\rdblquote I told her. \ldblquote Remember one thing, Debbie--I am not judging you, and I never will, not about that.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Thanks. Anyhow, he was slow and took his time. Plus, he was the only one that was interested in other things. You know, besides just sticking it in.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Ah. Fingers or tongue?\rdblquote
She looked at me, completely startled. Then, grinning and blushing, she said, \ldblquote Tongue. Only one that ever did that.\rdblquote
\ldblquote That\rquote d be my specialty,\rdblquote I told her.
She grinned at me, and said, \ldblquote OK, I get it now. By the way, if you and Kara ever break up....\rdblquote
\ldblquote You\rquote ll be the first to know!\rdblquote
She sat for a moment, and then said, \ldblquote In all seriousness, and all sex aside--I think I\rquote m going to like you, Ed Bovilas.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Same goes.\rdblquote
\ldblquote It really doesn\rquote t matter to you, does it?\rdblquote
\ldblquote It really doesn\rquote t matter to me.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Thanks.\rdblquote
\b APRIL 21st, 1980\b0
This was the first Sunday of April Vacation. And I\rquote d gone away for the weekend.
To Andrews Academy.
Kara wasn\rquote t off this week, she\rquote d had her break in March. So, she came up with a brilliant idea--for me to come up for the weekend. I got driven up late Friday afternoon, and Mom came and picked me up Sunday afternoon.
Of course, I wouldn\rquote t be able to stay with Kara--this was high school, after all. But she had a couple of male friends who let me throw a sleeping bag on their floor. Kara knew me well, and set me up with a couple of guys she knew I\rquote d get along with.
And I did, they were cool. I also liked Kara\rquote s roommate, Ellen, quite a bit.
So, Ellen--and Mike and Patrick, the two guys I stayed with--I instantly liked.
It was a whole hell of a lot of the rest of Kara\rquote s friends that I wasn\rquote t too taken with.
Look, I wasn\rquote t shocked. This was Andrews Academy. Let\rquote s face it, there are three types of people at a place like Andrews. The first were people like Kara and Ellen and the two guys I stayed with--good students. Smart, hard-working kids that went to Andrews for the education.
But Andrews wasn\rquote t just a good school, it was an \b expensive\b0 good school, one with a long history. That meant money, and legacies, and \lquote connections\rquote and whatnot. And all that meant snobs.
God, there were snobs there. One girl named Catherine, whom Kara introduced me to that Friday night--well, I swear that Catherine was completely convinced her shit didn\rquote t stink. It was ridiculous.
The third type at a place like Andrews? Same circumstances as the snobs--money, family connections, etc.--but instead of being snobs, they were the drunken rich backslapping frat-boy party dudes. This was another species I wasn\rquote t too fond of. Kara had a few friends that fit \b that\b0 bill, too.
It reminded me of the two presidential elections that had happened before I got \lquote sent back\rquote , the two that elected George W. Bush. Now, I\rquote m not commenting at all on politics here, though I think I\rquote ve made it clear where my politics lie. No, I\rquote m talking about the oft-stated opinion in those elections that Bush was the candidate that voters \lquote felt more comfortable with\rquote and \lquote would most want to have a beer with\rquote . Personalities, in other words, not ideology.
I\rquote m sure that was true for lots of people--but not for me. I mean, look at it from my point of view. This is especially true in his second race with John Kerry. I mean, really. Bush was a little rich boy who was a mediocre student, was by all accounts an obnoxious drunk before he became an obnoxious Christian, and was the typical party frat-boy. Kerry was a wonkish nerd who played guitar and loved Springsteen. Who would I rather have a beer with? No freakin\rquote contest. I mean, in high school, George Bush was a freakin\rquote cheerleader. John Kerry played bass guitar in a \b band\b0 . No contest.
There were a lot of George W. Bush clones at Andrews Academy.
The existance of the snobs and the fratboys didn\rquote t bother me--I expected it. What bothered me, a little bit, was how Kara seemed to gravitate towards some of these people.
Not completely, she still seemed closer to Ellen and people like that. And she did defend me. But she also seemed to cultivate people like Catherine; and Jake, the Fratboy Supreme.
As I said, she did defend me, because Catherine went after me. \ldblquote So, you go to public school?\rdblquote she said in a complete tone of scorn.
\ldblquote Yeah, by choice. I got into a Catholic prep school near us. I decided I didn\rquote t want to go there.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Well, a Catholic prep school isn\rquote t much better than a public school,\rdblquote she said, still dripping scorn. \ldblquote I mean, it\rquote s not like you\rquote d go to a real school either way. Some people just can\rquote t get in to places like this.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh, I could\rquote ve gotten into here.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Really.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh, yeah, definitely,\rdblquote Kara butt in, defending me. \ldblquote We went to identical schools from kindergarted on, he was ranked higher than me in the class in eighth grade and he got a higher score on the SSAT than me, and I\rquote m here. Eddie would\rquote ve breezed right in.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Then why didn\rquote t you?\rdblquote
\ldblquote I had no desire to go to a boarding school.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh, needed to be near Mommy?\rdblquote she sneered.
\ldblquote Him? Not hardly,\rdblquote Kara laughed. That got the little twit off my back for the time being.
It wasn\rquote t bad, really. I really did like her closest friends, and the weekend went mostly fine. But there was a bit of ominous forboding. Nothing major, really, but my relationship with Kara was already less than perfect, due to the distance.
She called me Sunday night after I got home and asked me about it. \ldblquote You didn\rquote t like my friends, did you?\rdblquote she asked.
\ldblquote Only a couple of them. Ellen\rquote s a peach, and the two you set me up to stay with were great.\rdblquote There were a few other nice ones too.
As we talked, I realized a fundamental difference between Kara and I. It was subtle, but it was there.
To a degree, I wanted to be accepted--but it was more that I wanted to be left alone to lead my life. I wanted friends, yes. I wanted people that liked me. And if the band got going and people liked that, fine. To a degree I wanted to be respected.
But I had absolutely no desire to be though of as part of the Cool Kids. And Kara, to some degree, did.
I think it was exacerbated by where she was. In a lot of ways, us being separated made that part of it easier. I could take the snobs and the fratboys for a weekend. I wouldn\rquote t be able to take them longer than that.
It was something to think about.
\b APRIL 29th, 1980\b0
I had something to do after school on this Monday.
I grabbed Michelle after school, and asked her about her bus route. It went where I thought it did, so I went on her bus after school. She got off before I had to. \ldblquote Get off when Chris does, that\rquote s as close as it gets.\rdblquote So I did.
Christine was standing there when I got off the bus. \ldblquote Why did you take this bus?\rdblquote she asked.
\ldblquote I have to go to the cemetary. She would have been sixteen today.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Oh,\rdblquote Chris said. \ldblquote Can I walk with you for a bit?\rdblquote
\ldblquote OK,\rdblquote I said. It didn\rquote t take her too far out of her way, she lived the next street over from the street leading to the cemetary.
\ldblquote I wanted to talk to you,\rdblquote she said. \ldblquote I owe you an apology.\rdblquote
\ldblquote For what?\rdblquote
\ldblquote For the way I treated you while we were going out. Most specifically, the way I treated you concerning Beth.\rdblquote Christine sighed. \ldblquote I guess it never sunk in. I know you said it, but it just never sunk it. She was sick. I know. But I guess I never believed she\rquote d die. When she did die, you can\rquote t possibly know how bad I felt. You knew, you knew all along, and I tried to get between the two of you. It was wrong, and I\rquote m sorry.\rdblquote
\ldblquote It\rquote s water under the bridge, Chris.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I just wanted you to know.\rdblquote
\ldblquote Thanks.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I learned a lot from us going out.\rdblquote
I had to chuckle at that. \ldblquote What, that we shouldn\rquote t be going out with one another?\rdblquote
\ldblquote True,\rdblquote she agreed with a laugh, \ldblquote but a lot more than that, too. I\rquote m a lot more easygoing now.\rdblquote
\ldblquote I\rquote m glad.\rdblquote
We were approaching the entrance to the cemetary. \ldblquote Do you want company?\rdblquote she asked.
\ldblquote I think I need to do this by myself,\rdblquote I said.
\ldblquote Understood.\rdblquote She stopped, and leaned up and kissed me on the cheek. \ldblquote Take care of yourself, Eddie, OK?\rdblquote
\ldblquote You too.\rdblquote
When you walked into the cemetary, a lot of the gravesites were to the right of the main entrance. There were roads off of that main entrance road. I took the first one to the right and walked three-quarters of the way down. Right in front, on the right side of the road, was Beth\rquote s grave.
I still didn\rquote t know what I believed in. I had no confidence that she still existed, on any level; that she could hear me. But I was far less sure that it \b wasn\rquote t\b0 true than I once had been. I didn\rquote t know.
But I knew what I wanted. I knew what I hoped.
\ldblquote Happy Birthday, Beth,\rdblquote I said, hoping someone heard. Then I put the flowers I had brought in front of her gravestone.