}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1{\f0\lang2057\fs36\kerning28 by Rex Antioch
{\fs24
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 1.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\tab
It was the day after my Great-great-grandmother{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s one-hundredth
birthday and most of the twenty-five of her descendants who had gathered for the
occasion had left again for their homes all around the country. Great-great-grandmother
, though, had asked Dad if he, mum and I could stay for another day because she
wanted to talk to me.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 So
after breakfast Dad delivered me at Great-great-gran{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s Rest
Home and then he and Mum went shopping in the city.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Sit down, girl,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 Great-great-grandmother said
once the nurse had delivered me to her room. I took one of the chairs parked by
the wall and set it beside her bed. She had one of those hospital beds with a
motorised headboard and its motor whirred as she raised it to me able to see at
me better.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 So you}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 re thirteen, eh?}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
she asked.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Yes, Great-great-grandmother,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 I said. Dad,
Mum, my brother Michael and I lived in a town not so far away, so we had been visiting
Great-great-grandmother in her Rest Home about once a month for years. As long
as I could remember, in fact. So I}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 d assumed she knew all
about me.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Do you know how babies are made?}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 she asked.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Er, yes, Great-great-grandmother,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 I told her
, more than a little startled by the question.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93\u8216\'91{\lang2057 Gran}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 will do,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
she said firmly. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 Ever tried it?}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Er...}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 I stared at her. Gran gazed steadily
back.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Claire,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 she said softly, startling me even
more for I couldn}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 t recall her ever using my name to my face
before. To her I was usually }\u8216\'91{\lang2057 girl}\u8217\'92{\lang2057
although she would use my name when grilling Dad about my progress at school or
something, ignoring the fact that I was there in the room as well.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 I}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 ve brought you here to impart a secret to
you,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 she went on. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 Otherwise it will
die with me, and I don}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 t want that. Now, I don}\u8217\'92
{\lang2057 t care if you}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 re a virgin or if you}\u8217\'92{\lang2057
ve slept with the entire Manchester United football team and I am not going to tell
your parents either way. But I}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 d like to know. So?}\u8221
\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Er. I haven}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 t,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 I announced
in a small voice. Truthfully. Gran nodded as though I was right.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Can you get those photos down and bring them to me?}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
she asked, looking past me at them. There were two of them, one above the other
in a big frame hanging on the wall opposite Gran}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s bed. I
dragged the chair over to it, stood on it and sized up the frame.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 It will be heavy,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 Gran said warningly.
}
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 That
much was obvious. The frame was of wide, dark solid wood and the glass over the
contents looked thick. The two photos inside were each perhaps a bit bigger than
a foolscap sheet of paper on its side and there was a lot of space around them
taken up with a plain, creamy-looking card like wallpaper. The whole thing was
about as wide as my shoulders and would have covered me from my chin to the belt
on my jeans. I grasped the frame at each side and gingerly tested its weight.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I discovered
that I could lift it as long as I did not have to lift it very far. Peering behind
it I saw it was hanging by a cord suspended from hook in the wall. With a heave
I lifted it clear of the hook and dropped heavily down onto the floor from the
chair with it.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Set it on the bed, girl, then bring up another chair for it,}\u8221
\'94{\lang2057 Gran ordered. So I was }\u8216\'91{\lang2057 girl}\u8217\'92{\lang2057
again.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I followed
her instructions and when I sat down again next to Gran{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s bed
the picture was sitting on a chair next to me.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 The top photograph,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 Gran said, looking at it
past me. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 Do you know what it is?}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Er, it}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s you,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 I offered
.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I knew
that only because I had been told. The Gran in the faded, soft greys of the photograph
was a pretty girl of about my age in a plain long-sleeved dress with a round neck
, a sash belt and full skirt to mid-calf. She was wearing thick stockings probably
of wool and little black shoes. Her hair, white in the photo but presumably blond
like mine, was all brushed back to fall over her shoulders to about her shoulder
-blades, to judge from the ends peeping from behind her arms.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 She
was standing in front of a tall, slim woman with her hair drawn behind her head
into a tightly bound bun under a broad-rimmed, ribboned hat. She was wearing a
billowing white blouse with a little lace at the throat and down the front and
an ankle-length black, severe dress pinched close around an incredibly narrow waist
. I had been told she was Gran{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s mother. My great-great-great
-grandmother. She was looking uncomfortable.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 The
centre and focus of the photograph was a young man in an army officer{\lang5129
\u8217\'92}s uniform standing slightly forward next to Gran and her mother, while
on the other side but slightly behind him stood an elderly, balding man in the
black vestments of a clergyman complete with dog-collar, who was my great-great-
great-grandfather. The group was standing on a lawn of short grass in front of
an ivy-covered house with square, undecorated windows and a big shiny front door
in the centre. I knew this was Biston Magna rectory where Gran{\lang5129\u8217
\'92}s father had been the parish priest for many years because Dad had once taken
me there to see it and it was still just like it was in the photograph.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Yes, that}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s me,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 Gran said
softly. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 With my mother, father and brother David.}\u8221
\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 So
the young man in the uniform was her brother. If I had ever been told that I had
forgotten it.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Can you read the date on the photograph, girl?}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
Gran asked.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I had
to peer at it closely. In the bottom right hand corner of the image on the pale
grey of the lawn, a very neat hand with a very fine nibbed pen had inscribed in
tiny letters {\lang5129\u8216\'91}Biston Magna Rectory. 10{\super th} June 1916
.{\lang5129\u8217\'92} I read it out loud.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 10{\super th} June1916", Gran echoed softly. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057
I was one hundred yesterday. How old was I when that photograph was taken?}\u8221
\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I was
startled once again. It seemed an incredibly involved way of setting me a reasonably
simple math test.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Er,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 I narrowed it down to the year and then
worked out the months. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 Fourteen years four months,}\u8221
\'94{\lang2057 I said. Gran nodded approvingly.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 And what was going on when that photograph was taken?}\u8221\'94{
\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I caste
my mind about. I assumed she wasn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t expecting me to know what
was happening in Biston Magna rectory on 10{\super th} June 1916, apart from the
fact that family photos were being taken. There was only one thing happening on
that date that I knew about.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Well, there was a war,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 I hazarded. Gran nodded
sadly.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Indeed there was. The war to end wars.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 She
was silent for a moment and I saw tears gather in her eyes. With a grimace she
twisted them away.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 And does the date 1{\super st} July 1916 mean anything to you?}\u8221
\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I thought
about it and then shook my head regretfully.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 The 1{\super st} July 1916,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 Gran said softly
, }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 Was the first day of the First Battle of the Somme. On
that one day eighty thousand British soldiers died. One of them was my brother David
.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Oh, Gran!}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 I hadn}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 t known
that, or if I had I}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 d forgotten it.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 That photograph was taken on the last day of two week}\u8217\'92{
\lang2057 s leave my brother}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s regiment had been given before
they moved up to the front for the attack. The Generals said that the preliminary
bombardment would be so accurate and heavy that nothing would be left of the German
trenches. So they ordered the soldiers to attack across no-man}\u8217\'92{\lang2057
s land at the walk, in lines. And forbade them to stop, or take cover. They had
no idea. Eighty thousand men died.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 A single glistening
tear crept down by her nose and she scrubbed it away. For her age she was still
quite strong and could even walk a few paces with her frame.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 David knew he was going to die. The average life expectancy of a
lieutenant in the Trenches was nineteen weeks. They were expected to lead from
the front, to set an example to the men. He had been out there since January.
His nineteen weeks were up. He knew what he was going back to.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Propped
up in her bed Gran looked no bigger than me, and no heavier. The previous day
I had seen her grilling and cross-examining her great-nephews and nieces and her
great-grandson my father, sharp-tongued and sharp-witted. A roomful of people
who, like me, all owed their existence to her, and who regarded her with awe and
respect. Now before me, the youngest of them, she looked helpless and wept silently
.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Look again at the photograph,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 she whispered
at last. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 Look at me. Pregnant with my brother}\u8217\'92
{\lang2057 s child.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 It
took me several seconds to catch on to what she had said. To fully grasp its meaning
. My great-great-grandmother standing in the photograph as just a fourteen-year
-old girl, pregnant with her brother{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s child. Which meant that
she had.... With her brother... And she had just admitted it to me.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Not
knowing what to say, what to think, I stared at the pretty girl in the ancient
photograph, a girl only a few months older than me. She even looked a bit like
me. She didn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t look pregnant but she had just told me, eighty
-six years later, that she was standing there with her brother{\lang5129\u8217\'92
}s baby inside her.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 I didn}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 t know it then, of course,}\u8221\'94
{\lang2057 Gran said quietly. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 For the baby was only a day
old. Nothing more than a fertilized egg, really. Three weeks later it was all
I had left of my brother. He never knew.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I was
gob-smacked. I didn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t know what to say. I knew she had told
me something extraordinary, something so huge that I couldn{\lang5129\u8217\'92
}t begin to think it through. I didn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t even know where to start
. I knew, though, that I couldn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t keep on staring at the ghostly
image of the little girl in the photograph whose attempt to smile at the camera
was all too clearly failing in the face of a deep worry and unhappiness even though
she didn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t then know that she had her brother{\lang5129\u8217
\'92}s baby in her womb. So I faced up to Gran aware that I looked like a stunned
mullet, as Dad likes to say.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 I loved my brother,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 she told me softly. }\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Of course he was six years older, but before he went away to University
he was at home and I was just a little girl, and he would read me stories and take
me for walks across the fields and through the woods and tell me about the trees
and the flowers, and always look after me. And I always felt safe with him.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Then he went away to University and I was devastated, and then the
war came and, being the man he was, he joined the army as soon as he could. He
trained as an officer and we were all so proud of him, and he went away to France
that January so determined and a little bit worried, and a little bit excited....
}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Gran
fell quiet for a moment, remembering.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 And then he came home on leave, that June. And I knew he was different
. He tried so hard not to be, but his eyes had changed. They saw a different world
. A world full of death and destruction. He saw Biston Magna not as the Garden
of Eden it had always been for him, for us, but like the destroyed villages he}
\u8217\'92{\lang2057 d seen in France and Belgium, just shattered stumps of trees
, the farms reduced to a lifeless desert, homes reduced to knee-high walls and everywhere
just death and the dead.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Gran
{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s eyes, too, had changed and though they were looking at me
, they were not seeing me. Then suddenly they were.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 The day before that photograph was taken,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 she
told me, }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 David}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s last full day of leave
, he disappeared and I was sent to look for him at dinner-time. I found him in
our favourite place, a little dell in the woods. He was crying. I asked him why
and he told me all about it. The war. What he had to do. And I hugged him like
he used to hug me to make me feel better. And he told me he was scared. Not scared
of dying or being injured, but scared of showing that he was scared. Because you
see, Claire,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 Gran told me slowly, }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 Where
he was going it didn}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 t matter whether you were brave and strong
or cowardly and weak. The gas and the artillery shells and the machine guns killed
everyone regardless. The only way not to get killed was not to go, or to desert
, or to shoot your own foot off, or go mad, and David couldn}\u8217\'92{\lang2057
t do any of these things. He knew he was going to be killed. He just wasn}\u8217
\'92{\lang2057 t sure he could show he wasn}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 t scared of it
when he was. So, so scared.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Gran
was weeping again but didn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t seem to be aware of it, the tears
forming in her eyes and trickling down her cheeks.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 And he told me that the one big regret he had was that he was going
to die a virgin, without ever having known what it was like to make love to a girl
. To really make love to a girl.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 So I told him to make love to me and pulled him down onto the soft
thick grass of the dell and we made love under the blue sky, brother and sister
.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Gran
was still for a moment, staring into the past, then jerked her head up and sniffed
. {\lang5129\u8220\'93}Give me some tissues, girl,{\lang5129\u8221\'94} she ordered
. I pulled a handful from a box amid the bottles of medicine and jars of creams
on the table beside the bed and handed them to her. She wiped the wet streaks
from her cheeks and blew her nose, then gave me the wad back to dispose of in a
bin beneath the table.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 When you get to my age, you know,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 her voice
was soft again. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 You can remember what happened fifty years
ago better than you can remember what happened yesterday. I can close my eyes,
}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 she closed them, }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 And it is all so clear
to me. The smell of the grass under my back, the little white clouds drifting
across the blue sky above us - Oh, such a blue sky, - the skylarks trilling out
of sight, the leaves whispering.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 Her voice trembled. }\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 And my big brother}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s weight on me, making love
to me. My big brother safe and warm inside me. Oh, it was wonderful.}\u8221\'94
{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 She
fell silent, her lips parted slightly, tears that I knew were tears of happiness
trickling down her cheeks. I sat frozen, unable to breath.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Claire,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 her eyes flicked open, pinning me to
my chair. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 The young so often ignore the things the old can
tell them. But the old have been there, done that, and they know. There is nothing
so wonderful as love between a brother and sister, unless it is love between a
mother and son. Believe me, I know.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 This
was strong stuff. Mum had talked to me about sex, but not like this. I felt almost
as uncomfortable as if Gran was showing me a porno movie. I couldn{\lang5129\u8217
\'92}t think of a thing to say and, seeing it, she smiled softly.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 And you are so young, and I am so old,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 she
pointed out. I smiled weakly. Gran sniffed and glared at me.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Has Michael tried anything on with you?}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 she
asked briskly.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Michael
was my 18-year-old brother, training to be an aircraft mechanic because of his
clever fingers. He was bluff and strong, laughed a lot and called me {\lang5129
\u8216\'91}kid{\lang5129\u8217\'92} as he ruffled my hair affectionately. I opened
my mouth and shut it again.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Do you not think, after what I}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 ve told you,
that you can tell me?}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 Gran asked gently.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Er. He.... Well, he likes to hug me sometimes. And, er... He
sometimes squeezes....}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 I couldn}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 t say
'tits' in front of Gran, nor breasts neither as they weren}\u8217\'92{\lang2057
t really breasts yet, so I waved my hand in their general vicinity. }\u8220\'93
{\lang2057 And makes a joke about them not growing quickly.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Gran
smiled. {\lang5129\u8220\'93}And do you want him to do more?{\lang5129\u8221\'94
}
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 After
a long moment I nodded.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Don}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 t worry about it,}\u8217\'92{\lang2057
Gran said softly. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 He}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s not sick for
thinking thoughts like that and neither are you.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 She took
a deep breath.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Afterwards David and I went home. Mother had prepared his last dinner
with us, roast beef and Yorkshire pudding, David}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s favourite
. There were new potatoes from Mr. Seymour}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s garden, the
first of the year, and asparagus which was considered very decadent, running with
butter. Then strawberries and cream. And ale and port. Everyone was laughing
and joking and no-one was happy. David got a little drunk but no-body minded.}\u8221
\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 She
paused for a moment, looking at me and thinking.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 And then,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 she said slowly, as though uncertain
whether or not to go on. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 We all went to our beds. Later
, a long time later, I slipped out of mine, donned my gown and crept through the
silent house to David}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s room.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Her
eyes on mine were sad, reflective. {\lang5129\u8220\'93}Yes, I was going to him
again. I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to give him just once more the pleasure
I knew he had known when we were lying together on the grass. And I wanted it,
too. I yearned to feel him inside me again, making my body burn with that sweet
fire. I reached his room, opened the door silently and slipped inside.{\lang5129
\u8221\'94}
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Gran
closed her eyes as though to remember the better, releasing me from the iron of
her gaze.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 But someone else got there first,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 she whispered
. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 I saw them on the bed. David naked on top of her, his
body slicked with sweat rising and falling between her knees, his head on her shoulder
, face buried in the pillow beside her cheek as he laboured in her. And she turning
her face to the door as I closed it behind me and seeing me there. Looking at
my face, into my eyes. My mother}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s eyes looking into mine
but perhaps seeing what I was seeing, her naked body beneath her son, his body between
her legs, his flesh sliding in and out of her.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 My
heart had stopped and I could see only Gran{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s blank, blind face
as she relived that sight. Relived it for me.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 She saw me,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 Gran breathed, }\u8220\'93{\lang2057
And saw what I saw. She knew why I was there, and knew also that she could not
let her son, my brother, know that I had seen them. So she put one arm around his
back, pulling him onto her breasts, and the other over his head, holding his face
in her hair on the pillow. She murmured her love to him and her hips rose to meet
his and hold him snared there as she turned her face away from me again to look
past David}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s shoulder and through the ceiling and the roof
-tiles into the infinity of heaven and the joy that waits there while I crept silently
from the room and back to my bed where I cried and cried and cried.}\u8221\'94{
\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 She
was crying again while I could only stare at her, stunned. In her long silence
I slowly became aware of the sounds outside the room, a trolley squeaking up the
passage with footsteps behind it. The trill of a distant phone. The slam of a
car door outside the window and the grinding whirr of the engine as it started.
Slowly I returned from that June night in 1916 to the present.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Tissues, }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 Gran snapped at me and I clumsily
grabbed some more from the box and handed them to her. She wiped her eyes and
face again and blew her nose noisily.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 I think,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 she declared clearly, glaring at me
, }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 That if someone made a study of the numbers of babies born
to sisters, mothers and daughters nine months after their brothers, sons or fathers
came home on leave from a war, they would be in for a very great surprise.}\u8221
\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I had
nothing to say to that and Gran{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s face softened.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 I don}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 t blame David. I don}\u8217\'92{\lang2057
t think he lied to me. He would not have taken me against my will in that dell.
But his body knew it had only a few days left to live and was crying out to do what
it had been created for. To pass on his seed. Not to his sister or mother, perhaps
, but his body was blind to that. It did not care about the name attached to the
womb it was seeking. Was it wrong to spill it into his sister and his mother?
Was it right that it should walk into that storm of bullets and shrapnel and high
explosive at 20-years-old? To die before it had lived? No, I don}\u8217\'92{\lang2057
t blame my brother. Nor do I blame myself. I gave myself that first time in the
dell for love, not sex. And found that sex transmutes love and love transmutes
sex into something else. Love is love and sex is sex, but together they become
divine, an act of Worship. Ah, girl, I cannot describe it. It can only be experienced
. If you are very, very lucky you will meet a man you can love and who will love
you and with whom sex will be divine. Most people are not that lucky and at the
best experience affection and good sex. Yet for a woman with her father, her brother
and her son as with a man with his mother, his sister or daughter that love should
already be there to share and it is so, so stupid to deny them the sex that elevates
it to the divine.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 She
gazed at me, lips pursed thoughtfully. I hoped she was not expecting me to comment
. Then she shrugged.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Once I knew I was pregnant I told Mother. I did not need to tell
her who the father was. She had not spoken to me about what I saw in my brother
}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s bed. Had made no excuses. Nor had she asked me about my
brother and I. We each understood the other and were women together, united in
grief. We planned how to deal with it and I seduced a poor lad from the village
. Had sex with him twice. The third time Mother }\u8216\'91{\lang2057 caught}\u8217
\'92{\lang2057 us and he was sent away in disgrace. He lied about his age and
joined the County regiment, and was killed at Cambrai.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 A
spasm of pain crossed her face. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 So he became the father of
my brother}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s baby.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Mother, of course, had to pretend to be angry and father was very
stiff, but so soon after David}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s death we could not bear to
cause each other any more pain and so it was not too bad.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 {
\lang5129\u8220\'93}You know, girl,{\lang5129\u8221\'94} she went on conversationally
, as though we were discussing a cookery recipe {\lang5129\u8220\'93}God has a
warped sense of humour. My menses had only just begun.{\lang5129\u8221\'94} She
shot me a glance and I nodded to show I knew what she was talking about. {\lang5129
\u8220\'93}And they were still irregular,{\lang5129\u8221\'94} she went on. {\lang5129
\u8220\'93}Had I actually wanted to get pregnant I probably wouldn{\lang5129\u8217
\'92}t have. The odds against it must have been enormous. But it happened.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Of course in those days abortion was illegal. You could have it
done illegally but it was terribly dangerous. Thousands of women died each year
from infections or internal injuries caused by amateur backstreet abortionists.
So soon after losing her son Mother could not bear to risk losing her daughter as
well, and Father could never rule her. When I neared my term I was sent to a home
which specialised in girls in my condition and had the baby. Of course we feared
the worst, Mother and I. A baby born of incest. Deformed, perhaps, or handicapped
. Cursed somehow with God}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s disapproval. But I had beautiful
, healthy, happy baby boy, born of the pure love of two virgins and conceived in
the Garden of Eden. That}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s him in the other photograph, with
me.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 The
second photograph in the frame was a standard studio portrait of a young man in
an RAF uniform sitting in front of his two proud parents, each with a hand on his
shoulder. Like the other image in the frame a date had been added by hand. 4{
\super th} December 1942.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 So
in it Gran was 40. She looked so much like her mother in the other photo - about
the same age, tall, slim-waisted and pretty though with shoulder-length hair tightly
curled at the ends in the style of the day. She was wearing a sober, rather cheap
-looking knee-length dress and stockings - nylons, I assumed, - with low-heeled
shoes. She looked just like the women I had seen in films of the time about the
war, like {\lang5129\u8216\'91}Yanks{\lang5129\u8217\'92}.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 The
young man in the blue uniform - the photo was in colour - looked to be in his mid
-twenties. I realised I could work it out and did. He would have been born in
February or March 1917 so in December 1942 he would have been 25. He was smiling
cheerfully at the camera and had one hand on his mother{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s on
his shoulder. Now that I was alert to it I could see that he was very much like
the young man in uniform in the other photograph. His uncle who was also his father
.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Years
before, seeing me looking at the photo, Dad had just said, {\lang5129\u8220\'93
}That{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s Gran, in the Second War. That{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s
her son and her husband. Her son was killed in the war.{\lang5129\u8221\'94}
All very true, yet far from the whole story.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Gran
{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s husband was another clergyman and looked far older that she
did - in his sixties. Although he had his hand on the young man{\lang5129\u8217
\'92}s shoulder he was looking straight ahead, almost as it he was trying to disclaim
the boy. Gran sniffed.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Had the baby really been the by-blow of a village lad Mother would
have had it adopted, but I don}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 t think she could give away
something her son had created. So we kept the baby. But I was a young girl with
an illegitimate child,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 she said softly as though following
my thoughts. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 And so many young men died in the First War
that there was a huge surplus of young women in the years that followed. Any man
looking to marry could more or less take his pick, so why should he be interested
in a girl with another man}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s son in tow? My father married
me off to Percy in 1925, and I suppose I was lucky to get a husband at all. He
was a good man.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 My
great-grandfather had died long before I was born and I knew practically nothing
about him. From the way Gran said the five words of his epitaph I gained the feeling
that {\lang5129\u8216\'91}good{\lang5129\u8217\'92} was a generous assessment of
his life - that in fact they had meant little to each other.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 My son was christened Adam David,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 Gran said
. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 And Percy and I formally adopted him after our wedding.
He died in a raid over Berlin in August 1943.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Oh, Gran,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 I said again, feeling her sadness
.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Yes,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 she sighed. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 I not
only lost a son, I lost another part of my brother as well.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 After
a moment{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s reflection she sharpened up. {\lang5129\u8220\'93
}Take a look in the top drawer of that chest.{\lang5129\u8221\'94} She pointed across
the room and I obeyed. Inside the drawer was a box made of a pale, fine-grained
wood with two brass clasps holding the lid closed. It was about the size of the
video recorder that sits under our TV at home.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Open it,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 Gran ordered.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I undid
the clasps and lifted the lid back. Inside in a bed of blue velvet was the family
Bible.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 It
fitted snugly in the box and was, I knew, over two-hundred years old because I had
seen it before. The cover was a soft red leather over a stiff leaf, intricately
carved and inlaid with gold. Like the one in our church it had half-a-dozen coloured
ribbons to mark various passages and the edges of the pages were gold so that,
closed up, it looked like a gold brick inside the covers. Inside the front cover
were two pages, originally blank but now containing my family tree going right
back to my grandfather with seven {\lang5129\u8216\'91}great-{\lang5129\u8216\'91
}s in front of him, who had been alive when George II had been King of England.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Know what that is?}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 Gran asked.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Yes, Gran.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 I}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 d like to give it to you. Will you take it
?}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Oh.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 It was utterly unexpected, and I was confused
at being asked.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Claire,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 Gran said. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 It
is a responsibility. It will be up to you to keep it up to date until, perhaps
when you are a hundred, you can pass it on to a young member of the family who
you think is the right person for it.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I was
aware that she had indirectly complemented me. I think.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 All right, Gran,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 I said a little faintly.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Good.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 She sounded pleased. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057
Your father can take it with you when you go.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 I couldn}\u8217
\'92{\lang2057 t help thinking that my first responsibility would probably be to
add the date of Gran}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s death to the lists. Which is why,
I realised, she was giving it to me now.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 And I}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 ve a favour to ask of you, girl,}\u8221
\'94{\lang2057 Gran said softly. I returned to my chair and sat down.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Will you take that?}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 she asked, nodding at the
two photographs in their frame. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 You are the keeper of the
family secret, now, as well as the family Bible. I}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 d like
you to hang that somewhere where you}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 ll see it occasionally
, so it will prompt you to remember my brother David and his forgotten son. It
doesn}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 t have to be in public. Inside a cupboard would be a
good place, because the photographs really should be kept out of the light.}\u8221
\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 I}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 d like to, Gran,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 I said
. }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 It will remind me of you, too.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Thank you, girl. That}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s very sweet of you,}
\u8221\'94{\lang2057 Gran said a little huskily and I knew she was pleased. }\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Now, what are we going to talk about until your father gets back.
}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 2.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\tab
Six days after I became the keeper of the family Bible, and the family secret, I
was lying on my bed at home reflecting that Gran had been right. Sex with your
brother is wonderful.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Michael
had been, and come, and gone. In fact he{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d come twice. Whether
sex with your brother was more wonderful than sex with anyone else I had yet to
find out. I was also keen to find out if sex with my brother would be as wonderful
the second time as it was the first, but that would have to wait. For the moment
I was content to lay naked on my bed and luxuriate in the things my body was telling
me.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 It
hadn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t been all that difficult to get my brother to have sex
with me. I{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d waited until, alone in the house with him, he
had crept up behind me, slipped his arms around me and pulled me against him.
His hands had covered my little tits and given them a squeeze, and then as before
he{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d let me go, slipping past me with a laugh and a {\lang5129
\u8220\'93}Reckon they{\lang5129\u8217\'92}re a little bigger, kid.{\lang5129\u8221
\'94}
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Would you like to see them?}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 I}\u8217\'92{\lang2057
d asked, a little nervously.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 That
stopped him. Before he could say anything I{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d dragged my top
off over my head and taken off the little cotton bra I didn{\lang5129\u8217\'92
}t really need.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 My
brother was right about my tits getting bigger and I was glad of that as his eyes
drank them in. At least they were past that awful stage of being just silly little
pointed bumps like someone had stuffed an olive under each of my nipples, making
them stick up. It was more like someone had stuffed half an orange there instead
but at least they looked a bit more like real breasts and they even jiggled a little
bit if I jumped up and down.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Oh, wow,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 my brother said kindly. }\u8220\'93
{\lang2057 You}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 re getting there, kid.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Can I see, you know, your prick,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 I}\u8217\'92
{\lang2057 d asked, still a little nervous as I didn}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 t know
then how easy it was going to be. I thought I might be too little for Michael
and I was, of course, his sister. And Michael wasn}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 t a virgin
, I was sure, or going off to be killed in a war.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 He
pretended to think about it for a moment and then shrugged. {\lang5129\u8220\'93
}Yeah. OK. Why not,{\lang5129\u8221\'94} he said. {\lang5129\u8220\'93}What else
are brothers for?{\lang5129\u8221\'94} He undid his belt, opened up his flies
and extracted his prick for me to look at.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I hadn
{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t seen one before. Not in the flesh, anyway. Michael{\lang5129
\u8217\'92}s looked like the ones I{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d seen when a friend of
mine had found some porn on the Net although seeing a real one, alive and kicking
, was a lot more exciting. I{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d stepped up to him and took it
in my hands.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 He{
\lang5129\u8217\'92}d jumped, and then kind of melted. I let my breath out with
a gust and hadn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t realised I{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d been holding
it. The thing I was holding wasn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t what I{\lang5129\u8217\'92
}d expected. It was so strong, so alive. It pulsed and twitched in my hands.
Its funny bulging head was so incredibly soft but it felt like bone underneath,
though I knew it wasn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t, having learned at school how men have
erections. {\lang5129\u8220\'93}Oh, sis,{\lang5129\u8221\'94} Michael had groaned
.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Take me to bed,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 I}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 d ordered
.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Hey, Kiddo,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 he had breathed, as though he wasn
}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 t sure. I}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 d stroked his prick.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Take me to bed,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 I}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 d said
again.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 Are you sure?}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 he}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 d asked
.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93{\lang2057 I}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 m sure,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 I}\u8217\'92
{\lang2057 d said, and added, }\u8220\'93{\lang2057 And one day I}\u8217\'92{\lang2057
ll tell you why.}\u8221\'94{\lang2057
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I stretched
my body lazily on my bed, feeling good.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I felt
sure Gran would never have seen a boy{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s prick before that day
with her brother in the woods. Not that at 20 her brother was a boy any more.
He was a man in a war. He{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d probably killed people. She wouldn
{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t have seen a prick in a photograph, there was no TV and I
wasn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t even sure if they had cinemas. Even if they did, though
, I{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d bet they didn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t show nude people in
it. From what I knew of the period people had been very particular about that
kind of thing.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 What
must it have been like for her, then, so completely unprepared for the sight of
her brother{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s prick? I couldn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t imagine
.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Had
she taken her clothes off? If she hadn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t how did she avoid
getting grass-stains and dirt on her back, with her brother{\lang5129\u8217\'92
}s weight on her as well? Yet as I{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d listened to her story
I had pictured Gran and her brother hugging each other, her brother crying and telling
Gran why and Gran pulling her brother off the log onto the ground with her and
them going straight into sex. Probably she would just have pulled her dress up,
her brother would have pushed his trousers down over his bottom and she wouldn{\lang5129
\u8217\'92}t even have seen his prick before it pushed against her and then into
her. She wouldn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t have had a clue what to expect, and then
even when it was inside her she wouldn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t have known what it
looked like. Weird.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Had
it hurt Gran? Had her brother{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s prick been bigger than my
brother{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s, with him being two years older? Did that make any
difference? It hadn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t hurt me too much. Just a kind of stretching
and a pop with a ping of pain I hardly noticed as Michael{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s
prick had surged into me making me tingle from my head to my toes.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 How
had Gran described it? Sweet fire. Oh yes, that was good. I{\lang5129\u8217\'92
}d felt that, too. Sweet fire and a fizzy sparkling, starting where Michael{\lang5129
\u8217\'92}s prick was stroking me inside and spreading like there were wires leading
from my cunt to my fingertips and the soles of my feet and up my spine to my nipples
and the top of my head.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Had
Gran{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s brother come twice in her as mine had, or just once?
Or three times, perhaps. The first time Michael had been hard and urgent, sliding
up and down in me rapidly, his hairs banging against mine and jolting me with the
end of his prick bumping against something soft deep inside me which poured petrol
on the sweet fire until it flared up suddenly and burned right through me and I
had squealed and dug my fingers into Michael{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s ribs. And he
had kept banging away, grunting, holding his weight off my little breasts while
the sweet fire gobbled me up and then died away leaving me warm and tingling all
over like I{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d been singed inside but not badly.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Then
my brother had come in me. I{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d never wondered about it, but
I guess people grow hair between their legs to act as a cushion when they{\lang5129
\u8217\'92}re having sex. Michael has a thick tangle like a beard but I haven{\lang5129
\u8217\'92}t been growing mine very long and it{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s just a little
bush around my slit almost like a little vertical moustache. Suddenly my brother
jammed that beard really hard against my little bush as though trying to get every
last millimetre of his prick into me and I could feel it pulsing and pumping as
it squirted his spunk into me, and I could feel it like it was a tiny finger poking
out of the end of his prick and prodding me softly in the insides, a funny tickling
. I expect Gran felt it to, and it was that tickling which gave her a baby.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Michael
was very worried about me having a baby as he didn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t have any
condoms to use on me, not that I wanted him to. I told him that I hadn{\lang5129
\u8217\'92}t begun my periods yet, which is true, and that I couldn{\lang5129\u8217
\'92}t get pregnant until after I{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d had one, which I hope is
true. Michael believed me, because he wanted to I suppose, but I know I ought
to start being more careful. Gran wasn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t all that much older
than me and she{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d started her periods. Or menses as she called
them. And she got pregnant first time. And my Mum wouldn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}
t be so understanding. I wondered if Gran had thought about getting pregnant but
had done it anyway because she loved her brother, or just hadn{\lang5129\u8217\'92
}t thought about it. I think you can get the pill from the Family Planning people
these days once you{\lang5129\u8217\'92}ve started having sex, even at thirteen
, and they won{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t tell your parents. I{\lang5129\u8217\'92}ll
have to find out.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 After
he{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d come the first time Michael collapsed on me, puffing like
he{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d just finished a cross-country run, then he slipped his
arms around me and squeezed me and stroked my hair and nibbled my ears, which made
my cunt go all tingly for some reason, and told me what a wonderful sister I was
and how much he loved me, and that made me feel almost as good as the sweet fire
had.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 His
prick was still in me and still hard like a rod, and he began sliding it up and
down in me again but more gently and slowly, and he talked to me as he was doing
it - about us and things we had done when I was little, things I{\lang5129\u8217
\'92}d forgotten about but which had made him laugh, or proud of me.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I didn
{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t want to talk. I just wanted to lie there and bathe in the
sweet fire, but I was glowing, too, just listening to my brother talk.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I guess
this is what makes brother and sister sex so special. My brother gently shafting
me and reminding me about wonderful things we had shared when I was a little girl
, or a bigger one, and telling me happy or funny things I had forgotten. No other
boy could do that, and I don{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t think Michael would have thought
about me like that, not warm and close like that, unless we were warm and close
because we were having sex. And it was only then, that second time, that I understood
what Gran had said about sex and love. I was having sex and sex is wonderful,
but the boy I was having sex with loved me because I was his sister and I loved
him because he was my brother and we had a whole lifetime of knowing and caring
for each other and that made the wonderful sex a whole lot more wonderful because
it was something else wonderful to share.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 He
came in me gently but my sweet fire had almost burned out and was just a kind of
glow with little sparkles like the embers of a camp-fire when a draft pokes it.
Then Michael lay on me for a while just loving me, not having sex though his prick
was still inside me, but just loving me. Then he had to go because he{\lang5129
\u8217\'92}d arranged to meet his mates for some snooker, so he slipped his prick
, which had shrunk and gone all floppy, out of me, kissed me on the lips and on
each tit and then, with a {\lang5129\u8220\'93}love you, kid,{\lang5129\u8221\'94
} which he{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d said as if he{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d meant it, he
gathered up his clothes and went for a shower.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 And
I just lay there letting the embers of the sweet fire fade away.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Gran
and her brother hadn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t been able to do that. Or perhaps they
had. Perhaps afterwards they{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d lain there on the grass under
the blue sky watching the little white clouds float by overhead and listening to
the skylarks talking like brother and sister about the happy times they{\lang5129
\u8217\'92}d had, but far closer than most brothers and sisters because they{\lang5129
\u8217\'92}d shared the closeness of sex as well. I hope they had.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 How
, I wondered, had Gran dealt with the mess?
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Having
my brother inside me had made me much wetter than I{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d ever
been able to make myself with my finger or pushing things inside myself, and there
was my brother{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s spunk as well. {\lang5129\u8220\'93}A teaspoonful
of sperm{\lang5129\u8217\'92}, the teacher had told a giggling class of us during
sex education at school but it felt a lot more than a teaspoonful. More like a
pint, some of it still tricking down inside me with a little tickle. As soon as
Michael had left I had grabbed a handful of tissues from the box beside my bed
and stuffed it between my legs, and now I extracted it and gingerly looked at it
. It was soaked and sticky with my slime, and also some globs of white stuff that
had to be my brother{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s spunk. There was just a single small
smear of blood, so I had bled a little bit the first time. Not much, though, thank
God! I put the used tissues on my bedside table and grabbed a fresh wad.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Had
Gran bled, I wondered? I{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d been putting things as big as I
could bear inside me for a couple of years which is perhaps why it had not hurt
very much, the first time. I{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d got Dad to hang the frame with
the two photographs on my bedroom wall over a poster of Robbie Williams, who I{
\lang5129\u8217\'92}d gone off, and now I could turn my head and look at it only
a few feet away.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 It
was hard to imagine the prim-looking fourteen-year-old-girl in the top photograph
playing with herself or pushing candles up her own cunt to see how deep it was,
and because it felt nice. It was also hard to believe that the same prim-looking
girl was standing there with her brother{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s baby inside her,
but she was. If Gran from the 1916 photograph was to stand next to me and if neither
of us had any clothes on you wouldn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t be able to tell which
of us was from 1916 and which from 2002. Gran had enjoyed sex with her brother
as much as I had. We weren{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t different at all, really. So
of course she had explored herself. When her brother had talked about making love
to a girl she had known what he had meant. She hadn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t been
taught about sex at school like I had, seen photographs of people doing it or seen
people in bed on TV all the time, but she hadn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t been stupid
.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 So
perhaps they{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d had handkerchiefs, or perhaps she{\lang5129\u8217
\'92}d just wiped herself off with grass or dock-leaves. Spunk though, I was discovering
, is thick, sticky stuff and takes a long time to trickle out of your cunt. And
in Gran{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s case, of course, not all if it did. At least some
of it went the other way, into her womb, and made a baby. Perhaps they lay together
on the grass afterwards for a long time and a lot of it had trickled the other
way.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 But
eventually they{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d gone home, Gran with the back of her dress
grubby and grass-stained and the top of her legs sticky and cold when the air brushed
it as it was brushing mine. Perhaps she had been able to creep into the house
and get changed without anyone seeing her. Perhaps she{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d been
seen but claimed that she{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d slipped and fallen over. Perhaps
her mother had seen her and had known what Gran had done, but hadn{\lang5129\u8217
\'92}t said anything because she couldn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t, because she was going
to do it herself.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I hadn
{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t thought much about that part of what Gran had told me. It
was just too huge. OK, I had been shocked when she had told me that she had had
sex with her brother, but I knew it happened. There were stories and rumours about
it at school. I knew what incest meant - sex between brothers and sisters, fathers
and daughters and mothers and sons. I even knew a few girls who had admitted having
limited sex with their brothers - not all the way like I just had but looking and
touching, so they said. I knew, too, that some fathers had sex with their daughters
. They went to jail for it. But not mothers and sons. I{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d
never heard of a mother going to jail, or even being in court for it. I{\lang5129
\u8217\'92}d never heard any gossip or rumours about it at school. I simply, simply
could not image Mum having sex with Michael.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 It
was possible, of course. Just unbelievable that Michael would want it, or Mum would
allow it even if he did. Yet Gran had told me that she had seen her mother having
sex with her son.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Why
?
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Why
had she told me?
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 She
had been reluctant to, had nearly not told me at all, I knew. She had spoken of
her incest with her brother warmly, lovingly, unashamed. Describing her brother
{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s incest with their mother she had been remote, untouchable
. Why had she gone back to her bed after discovering them that night in 1916 and
cried and cried and cried? Because she had been unable to comfort her brother
that last time? Because she had been denied the chance to experience sex with her
bother than last time? Because her brother had betrayed her? Because her mother
had?
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Probably
all of them, I decided, which made it even more surprising that she should reinflict
the pain on herself by recalling it, let alone telling me about it. Too, her incest
with her brother was her secret. Hers alone, to do what she wanted with, including
tell me if she chose. Yet the incest between her brother and her mother had been
their secret, not hers. What right did she have to pass it on to me?
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Something
in my memory stirred. Something Gran had said to me which my mind had noted down
for further attention later, but which I had not yet given it. Gran saying something
about the old having so much to teach the young, but the young not listening.
{\lang5129\u8216\'91}There is nothing so wonderful as love between a brother and
sister, unless it is love between a mother and son. Believe me, I know,{\lang5129
\u8217\'92} she had said. The love between a mother and son.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Yes
, she had seen it on her brother{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s bed but she wouldn{\lang5129
\u8217\'92}t have known how wonderful that was for all she had seen was a reflection
of it in her mother{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s face. {\lang5129\u8216\'91}Believe me
, I know,{\lang5129\u8217\'92} she had said in a way intended to call my attention
to it. She knew how wonderful sex between a mother and son is, because she had
done it.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I looked
at the face of the young man in the second photograph. Gran{\lang5129\u8217\'92
}s eldest son, named Adam because he had been conceived by two virgins in the Garden
of Eden, and David after his dead father. Gran{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s son, who
she had made love with. Had sex with.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Now
that I knew, it was plain to be seen in the photograph. Gran was standing so close
to her son that her stomach, her womb, was pressing slightly against the point
of his shoulder as he sat, turned slightly towards her, and she seemed to be almost
trying to shelter him beneath her breasts as though they could keep him safe from
the German fighters and the anti-aircraft fire. Her hand was on his shoulder,
almost at the base of his neck, and his hand was laid over hers parallel with it
, just as his body had lain on hers in his bed or her marriage one. His smile was
the happy one of a man at peace with himself. I had seen it on my brother{\lang5129
\u8217\'92}s face as he had looked fondly down at me lying naked on my bed after
we had made love. Gran{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s face was tight with worry under the
smile for the cameraman, her eyes caste down on her son like a lover{\lang5129\u8217
\'92}s.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 And
the man her husband? There was a small but telling distance between him and the
young man on the chair, his step-son. The man{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s hand on his
shoulder was barely touching him, reluctant to acknowledge him and the boy{\lang5129
\u8217\'92}s own pose turned his back slightly to the man. The man, my great-grandfather
, was looking past the camera not at it, ignoring the boy, disowning the event.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 He
knew his wife was having sex with her son. He knew and disapproved. But could
do nothing for to do anything would mean scandal and divorce, the loss of his unpaid
housekeeper and bed-warmer, possibly the end of his career even as the innocent
party. So he remained grimly silent, no doubt laving his conscience with lashings
of Christian charity and the masochistic burden of martyrdom.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Her
son, not his. Yet their son, the son of Gran and this man, was my grandfather,
I remembered with a shock. This man cuckolded by his wife{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s
son had had the same surname I had. I had inherited it from him.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang5129\fs24\kerning28\u8216
\'91{\lang2057 I think,}\u8221\'94{\lang2057 I suddenly heard Gran saying to me
, }\u8216\'91{\lang2057 That if someone made a study of the numbers of babies born
to sisters, mothers and daughters nine months after their brothers, sons or fathers
came home on leave from a war, they would be in for a very great surprise}\u8217
\'92{\lang2057 . The voice in my mind was so clear that I almost expected to find
Gran in the room with me, glaring down at me lying naked in post-coital bliss on
my bed, my brother}\u8217\'92{\lang2057 s spunk still oozing out of my cunt.
}}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 And
I knew it was the last clue, given to me deliberately by my Gran. When had my
grandfather been born?
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Reluctant
to move and disturb the ashes of the sweet fire, I rolled off the bed and groped
under it. Wrapped in an old blanket was the wooden box containing the family Bible
, which I only had room for under the bed. I unwrapped it, opened the box and hefted
the big book onto my bed, kneeling before it as though at prayer with a wad of
tissues between my thighs still soaking up my brother{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s sperm
as it leaked out of me.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Inside
the front cover was the family tree. Gran, born Emily Jane Anderson on 15{\super
th} February 1902 and with an ominous space left for the date of her death. Connected
to her directly underneath by a short line was her son, Adam David Anderson, born
out of wedlock, while connected with a short horizontal line of marriage to her
was her husband, Percy Edward Couper, with my surname, 10{\super th} January 1882
to 27{\super th} September 1961. Dropping from the short horizontal marriage line
was the link to children of the marriage. There was just one. My grandfather
Edward David Couper, b. 1{\super st} September 1943 and still alive, not quite
sixty. Born nine months after the photo of Gran and her son had been taken, when
her son had presumably been home on leave.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Gob
-smacked I flopped back onto my heels.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 This
was the family secret Gran had entrusted to me. Not that she had had sex with
her brother, nor even that she had seen their mother having sex with him too. These
secrets she had been able to tell me about because they did not affect me. She
had not been able to bring herself to tell me the real family secret because it
did. If I was right, and I knew I was, my surname shouldn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}
t be Couper, it should be Anderson, after my true grandfather, Adam David Anderson
.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Which
made me a child of incest, too. A child of double incest, in fact.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Jesus
.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Now
I understood why Gran had always cross-examined Dad so closely about Michael and
me, and all the family who were not able to visit her often. She had needed to
know if what she had done was affecting us.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 It
wasn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t affecting me. I was enjoying school and doing well.
Very well. I realised that most of the people who had gathered around her bed and
sung {\lang5129\u8216\'91}Happy Birthday{\lang5129\u8217\'92} to her, and been
there when the telegram from the Queen had arrived, were descended from Gran and
her Grandson by her son who was her brother{\lang5129\u8217\'92}s child. Grandfather
Couper had been a successful lawyer with seven children of his own and my uncles
were lawyers like him or accountants, ran their own businesses or held important
posts in big Companies. My many cousins, all older than me, were at University
or training to be teachers or, like my brother, engineers or something. I couldn
{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t think of one who might be thought a bit odd or had a handicap
or defect of some kind. So Gran needn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t have worried.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 And
now she was leaving the secret to me, to do what I thought to be right with it.
She must have been confident I would eventually work it out - thinking about what
she had said and why, looking at the clues in the Bible and, the biggest clue of
all, the two photographs in the frame - but perhaps not until after she was dead
so she wouldn{\lang5129\u8217\'92}t have to know that I knew.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 But
I did, and I was going to let her know I did, and that I{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d
found out for myself how wonderful brother/sister sex is - so she would to tell
me more about what happened.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 And
I{\lang5129\u8217\'92}d let her know that the family secret was safe with me.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
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}
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}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
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}
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}
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}
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}
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}
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}
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}
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}
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}
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}
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}
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}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\tab
\tab\tab\tab\tab\tab\tab
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}