\kerning28 By
Rex Antioch.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 My
unit was off to war. Well, not war exactly. It had been someone else{}#\u8216\'91
s war but being part of a UN Peacekeeping force can sometimes be a pretty dangerous
thing and it was certainly the first time my training was likely to be put to a
real test.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 As
we were scheduled to be away on a long deployment we were all issued with 48-hour
passes to say our goodbyes. Married men spent them with their families and many
unmarried men with their fianc\u233\'e9s or girlfriends. I was one of the latter
class and as I had no fianc\u233\'e9 or regular girlfriend I just went home.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I was
excited by the tour of duty to come, excited and a bit worried. My mother was
just worried. She{}#\u8216\'91d brought my two sisters and I up single-handed after
our father had left her for another woman fifteen years before, and had never remarried
. The girls had already both left home, one married and the other living with a
guy, but as home had been my base for all my leaves through basic training and
afterwards I suppose it couldn{}#\u8216\'91t really be said that I had left home
yet. Now, though, I quite definitely was on the verge of leaving home, with a
slight but nonetheless real chance that I might never be coming back.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 During
the last day I made the rounds of my old school friends and acquaintances, visited
my sisters to say goodbye and then went home. Mother had prepared my favourite
meal which we had with wine, just the two of us, and then afterwards we just sat
talking as the slow summer evening closed around us and night, probably my last
night at home as anything other than an occasional visitor, fell.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 We
went from wine to port to whisky for me and gin and lemon for her. We remembered
my schooldays, their triumphs and calamities, and the days I had run riot with
my sisters - one a year or so older and one the same younger - as children will
do. I touched on my father and the marriage - for the first time ever - and found
my mother more willing to talk about both failures than I had expected. She was
open and frank, and I realised she was as aware of the significance of the evening
as I was and was talking to me as an equal.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Probably
she had been doing it for some time but it was the first time in many years that
we had really talked together and so the first occasion I noticed she was not treating
me as her child any more. It was a sobering experience and I looked at her in
her chair with new and suddenly different eyes.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I knew
she had born me at 24 and I was now 25 which made her 49. She was, I saw with
surprise, quite a small woman for as she had always loomed so very large in my life
she had always seemed large to me. No-one would think her a girl at that age,
there was a little grey in her predominantly dark, shoulder-length hair, a little
puffiness in her cheeks, a wrinkling on the backs of her hands, a distinct plumpness
around her middle and the first faint blue threads of varicose veins in her legs
. She had never been one of those big-bosomed women and I noticed with a pang of
regret that her small breasts beneath her restrained blue dress appeared low and
drooping.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 The
drapes were drawn against the moths of summer and the room was lit by a single
standard lamp, throwing just a dim golden glow. By its light my mother sitting
in the chair oppose me changed in a terrible moment from being the powerful woman
who had for so long carried my life on her shoulders as Atlas did the Earth to
being a old, frail, woman whose only future was to wait patiently for those rare
, fleeting visits from adult children and their children to brighten the long, lonely
days leading to death.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 The
pathos of it hurt and almost without being aware of it I\u8217\'92d crossed the
room to kneel by her chair and take her into my arms, crushing her to me. \u8220
\'93Oh Mum,{}#\u8221\'94 I{}#\u8216\'91m afraid I sobbed.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 She
returned the hug for a moment and then drew back slightly.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28{}#\u8220
\'93James,{}#\u8221\'94 she said, amused and slightly chidingly. \u8220\'93Whatever
is the matter?{}#\u8221\'94
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 My
mother{}#\u8216\'91s body was being betrayed by the years but her eyes were still
bright and her voice was still of honey. So close to my face hers seemed suddenly
young and lovely again and her body was still warm and real in my arms. Suddenly
, overpoweringly, I wanted to have sex with her.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 It
was as shocking as a thunderflash in an empty room. In the space of a heartbeat
my own body responded to the closeness of my mother\u8217\'92s with the same urge
that is triggered by the first sight of any beautiful woman, although I would not
ordinarily have thought my mother at her age, a beautiful women had she not been
my mother. My penis pulsed and stiffened towards her, yearning to penetrate her
and deliver its stored load of semen into her while my hands wanted to plunge beneath
her clothes and experience her breasts, her flanks and her thighs. My fingers
itched to delve between her legs and explore the secrets there.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 For
a moment the animal urge was so strong I couldn{}#\u8216\'91t think but then I
regained control and crushed it. {}#\u8220\'93Oh mum, I guess.......{}#\u8221\'94
I couldn{}#\u8216\'91t tell her what I had seen, nor begin to express what I felt
. {}#\u8220\'93I can{}#\u8216\'91t help being a bit sad,{}#\u8221\'94 I finished
lamely.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93Yes, me too,{}#\u8221\'94 she agreed softly.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 While
I had been able to get the urge to mate with my mother under control it was by
no means dead. It surged, tingling, through me like a great wave in a swimming
pool, from end to end. I had the power to do it, too. I knew I was so much stronger
than her, and what mother would report her own son for raping her? Yet I was army
-trained, too. Trained to control my capacity for violence. I eased my arms around
her, smiled and kissed her gently on the forehead.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28{}#\u8220
\'93I suppose,\u8221\'94 I said in a voice betrayed by a tight throat, {}#\u8220
\'93This is one of those times Churchill called \u8216\'91the end of the beginning
{}#\u8217\'92\u8221\'94
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 She
smiled a little sadly and nodded.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I wanted
her as I had never before wanted a woman. She was in my arms and I wanted to brush
the clothes from her body and cover it with kisses. I wanted to lie on her, between
her legs with my penis in her vagina pumping my sperm into her. I wanted to do
that to my own mother.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I couldn
\u8217\'92t begin to imagine what her reaction would be if she knew what I was thinking
, let alone how she would react if I actually tried to do anything about it. Common
sense, common morality, told me to let her go and retreat to my chair. I\u8217
\'92d get over it. I was sad, maudlin and a little drunk so perhaps a little irrational
emotional behaviour was understandable, even forgivable. To have sex with your
own mother was obscene, immoral and illegal. And impossible, for what mother would
allow it? I realised I was afraid of what my mother would do if she even caught
a hint of what I was thinking, and every cell of my rational mind was telling me
to retreat.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 But
I was army-trained. Trained to face my fears and still go forwards. Inculcated
with the idea that retreat was somehow cowardly, and that cowardice is the worst
of sins. Certainly a far worse sin than incest.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 And
I wanted to make love to my mother.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Less
than the space of a heart-beat had passed since the urge had exploded on me and
I was back in control, assessing the situation, analysing the options and measuring
them. Army training. Objective, have sex with your own mother. At first glance
an impossible objective. Yet it is a bad soldier who gives up at first glance.
Study the lay of the land. Why was I so sure she would not want to have sex with
me? She probably hasn{}#\u8217\'92t had sex for years. That could be a pro, adding
to her own needs, or a con in that her needs were dead. Even if she doesn{}#\u8216
\'91t want to have sex with me, might she not be willing to let me have sex with
her if it{}#\u8216\'91s something I want, as she has done so much else for me over
the years? After all she hadn\u8217\'92t wanted me to join the Army, but supported
me to the full once I made my choice. Point, mothers do not have sex with the sons
and she knows it. Who says they don{}#\u8216\'91t? The Bible says, society says
, the law says. But all three say that lots of things shouldn{}#\u8216\'91t happen
that do. Why shouldn\u8217\'92t lots of sons have sex with their mothers that
no-one else ever knows about. They keep it a secret, no-one knows how much it actua
lly goes on and we all share in a conspiracy of silence.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Another
mere moment had passed and my mother was still smiling up at me though with a hint
of puzzlement as though wondering what I was thinking.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 After
all, why was I so sure she{}#\u8216\'91d be appalled at the thought of having sex
with me. She{}#\u8216\'91d never been especially religious nor afraid of thinking
for herself and speaking her mind. That she wouldn{}#\u8216\'91t want to have
sex with me, or allow me to have sex with her, was just an assumption on my part
and a great many, perhaps most, battles have been lost by generals making unwarranted
assumptions.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I decided
on a tentative, cautious probe, leaned down and gently kissed my mother on the
lips.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 They
were soft and tasted of wine.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I withdrew
and assessed the response. My mother was still lying quietly in my arms but the
puzzled look in her face was stronger.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I probed
again, a more passionate kiss on the lips and a kiss on each eye. More like a
lover\u8217\'92s kiss than a son{}#\u8216\'91s yet not so much as to be blatantly
sexual.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 There
was no reaction from my mother apart from a fading of the puzzled expression and
the beginnings of a slight frown while her eyes on me were serious and composed
.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Probe
until you get a reaction sufficient to gauge the enemy\u8217\'92s strengths, weaknesses
and intentions. My mother wasn{}#\u8216\'91t exactly my enemy, not yet any way
, and she made no attempt to avoid my kissing her again nor to stop the kiss even
when I caressed the parting of her lips with my tongue, though she did not respond
to the kiss either. I recognised the need to apply more pressure and, holding
the kiss, raised a hand and lay it on one of her breasts. Beneath the cloth of
her dress I could feel its soft fullness and stroked it gently. I felt her lips
beneath mine quiver slightly as though with surprise at that first contact but
there was no other response even as I gently squeezed her breast.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I broke
off the kiss and raised my head, leaving my hand on her breast. I was committed
and my pulse was racing. No son had any legitimate reason to touch his mother
as I was touching mine and there could be no pretence it was anything other than
sexual. Her response now would determine if I was to be forced to retreat slightly
mauled, or perhaps advance further. Even if forced to retreat, though, I was confident
my mauling would be only slight for had it going to be severe she would have already
responded angrily to what I had done, caressing my mother\u8217\'92s breasts like
a lover.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 She
didn\u8217\'92t move or show any awareness of my hand still stroking her breast
. {}#\u8220\'93James,\u8221\'94 she asked softly. {}#\u8220\'93Where is this going
?{}#\u8221\'94
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 There
is a point in any battle when the time for probes and feints is over and the enemy
{}#\u8216\'91s positions must be stormed. The outcome of the battle may still be
in doubt but it is at least there to be won. The general who does not recognise
the moment, or who recognises it and hesitates, is lost.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93Can I sleep with you tonight?{}#\u8221\'94 I asked in the whisper which was
all I could manage.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 My
mother\u8217\'92s eyes widened and her lips parted slightly in her surprise. It
was that moment of surprise which, taken advantage of in a battle of men fighting
men, could have won it for me. Even in this battle which wasn\u8217\'92t a battle
I recognised the moment. \u8220\'93I love you,\u8221\'94 I added.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I had
absolutely no idea why my mother should say anything other than no to my request
. What her reaction was to thoughts of having sex with her own son, what she might
feel about the experience of having her son making love to her, were hers alone
and there was absolutely nothing I could do about them. Yet I had already won
to the extent that I had asked my mother to let me have sex with her and she had
not been shocked, or sickened, or angry, or disgusted, or appalled. She hadn{
}#\u8216\'91t slapped me down, or had hysterics, or even just said No as though
to a naughty six-year-old boy. She regarded me steadily as though thinking about
what I{}#\u8216\'91d said. Then she said, {}#\u8220\'93And I love you too. If
.....{}#\u8221\'94 she stopped. I waited.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28{}#\u8220
\'93And in the morning?{}#\u8221\'94 she asked. {}#\u8220\'93In the cold light
of day? When you remember it? What then?\u8221\'94
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282\li-22{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
She wasn{}#\u8216\'91t turning me down flat but had counterattacked. If we do have
sex, what then? How will you feel when the blood is cold, when this passion is
spent? What will you think of me, and of yourself, when you{}#\u8216\'91re months
and thousands of miles away, and remember that you fucked your own mother.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282\li-22{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
\u8216\'91Motherfucker{}#\u8217\'92 is one of the worst words of abuse, the strongest
terms of contempt, any man can apply to another, especially in the Army. The implication
, I suddenly realised, was that the accused{}#\u8216\'91s mother was the only woman
who would allow him to fuck her - the only woman he was able to fuck and presumably
only then because of that special bond between mother and son. rather than because
of any sexual attraction.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282\li-22{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
If you fuck me, my mother was asking, how will you deal with being a motherfucker
for real?
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282\li-22{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
But I did fuck other women. Had no problems finding women to fuck, so the core
of the insult didn\u8217\'92t apply. Yet that begged the question as to why I did
want to fuck my own mother, a woman twice my age, a woman who, were she not my
mother, I would have no sexual attraction to at all. I, and she, needed an answer
.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282\li-22{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
{}#\u8220\'93I love you so much,{}#\u8221\'94 I said. \u8220\'93I love you so much
. And I want to love you.......all the ways there are.{}#\u8221\'94
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282\li-22{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
She pondered that, still giving no sign she was aware of my hand fondling her breast
. Had I been able to get under her dress to it I would have, keeping up the pressure
of my advance, but it unbuttoned at the back and was out of range.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282\li-22{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
{}#\u8220\'93James,{}#\u8221\'94 she said softly. \u8220\'93What you{}#\u8216\'91
re asking..... is really out of left field. My instinct is to say no, but if you
were to ask me why I wouldn\u8217\'92t have an answer. I{}#\u8216\'91m your mother
and you{}#\u8216\'91ve been my life for 25 years. In all that time I{}#\u8216\'91
ve only ever said no to anything you wanted when I decided for your sake that it
wouldn\u8217\'92t be good for you. Now you{}#\u8216\'91re old enough to make up
your own mind what would or wouldn\u8217\'92t be good for you.\u8221\'94
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282\li-22{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
I waited, the soft weight of her breast in my hand, but she said no more and I realised
she had given her answer.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282\li-22{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
\u8220\'93Can I have another drink?{}#\u8221\'94 she asked gently.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282\li-22{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
I let go of her breast and kissed her properly, as a son should, before letting
her go and replenishing her drink. We talked for a little longer about the past
and the future and then she glanced at the clock.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282\li-22{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
{}#\u8220\'93It{}#\u8216\'91s late and you{}#\u8216\'91ve a busy day tomorrow.
I{}#\u8216\'91m for bed,{}#\u8221\'94 she said. She rose, crossed to me and kissed
me motherly on the forehead. Then she left the room.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282\li-22{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
She hadn\u8217\'92t said \u8216\'91goodnight{}#\u8217\'92, or \u8216\'91see you
in the morning{}#\u8217\'92, or even {}#\u8216\'91sweet dreams\u8217\'92 for I knew
anything like that would have been an absolute bar to me from her bed and she must
have known it too. Yet neither had she said, {}#\u8216\'91yes, you can sleep with
me tonight{}#\u8217\'92. She had left it entirely to me. No rejection and no
invitation. She was my mother and would not deny her son anything he wanted if
it was in her power to grant it, whatever might be cost to her.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I listened
to her moving about upstairs, having a shower, and then quiet fell. I finished
my drink and went upstairs. Her bedroom door was closed. No invitation there.
Yet she hadn{}#\u8216\'91t rejected me out of hand either. I had a shower, soaping
and fondling my penis still hard with its need, and considered masturbating there
in the shower, knowing that false satisfaction would blunt the need, enabling me
to return to my own room and sleep - to wake in the morning and face my mother
with it all behind us and unspoken, loving son and fond mother.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I resisted
the temptation. I hadn{}#\u8216\'91t masturbated for years, although women{}#\u8216
\'91s hands or mouths had occasionally done it for me if circumstances ruled out
a good screw, and it felt wrong to start again. I even enjoyed the pressure of
the urge in me, tingling in my blood and reminding me I was alive.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Out
of the shower I dried off and cleaned my teeth. Remaining naked I stepped out
into the hallway and paused outside the door to my mother\u8217\'92s bedroom.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 It
was the moment of decision, in which battles are lost by the faint heart of indecision
or won by the man who, as Lady Macbeth understood, could screw his courage to the
sticking place. It was a moment I knew would very probably never happen again.
I could keep going to my own bedroom and go on with my life with a mother who was
just a mother, or I could pass through the door next to me and have sex with my
mother with consequences I could not begin to understand. One path was broad and
easy - the other unclear in a whole new territory no-one had ever given me a map
of, or talked about, or even admitted existed. The secret world of sons who commit
incest with their mothers. My penis throbbed achingly erect, still urgent to bury
itself in my mother, and it occurred to me how much more exiting, challenging and
exclusive was the world of incest. How special it was.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I turned
out the hall light and then opened my mother{}#\u8216\'91s bedroom door. The room
within was dark, the curtains closed and only the glowing red digits of the clock
on the bedside table offered a bearing. Yet I knew well enough where the bed was
, the double-bed of my parents\u8217\'92 marriage, and I crossed to it, felt my
way up it and slid between the sheets.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 My
mother was there, naked I discovered when I reached for her. She came into my arms
and I kissed her, my hands on her breasts again. Her bare breasts, soft and nipple
-tipped. I stroked her flanks, her stomach, her buttocks and thighs. I ran my
finger-tips through the small tangle of her pubic hair and found the slit between
her legs which she parted slightly. I gently opened it and explored her clitoris
and labia. Gently, with the finesse of a sapper defusing a mine, I slid a finger
into her vagina, my mother\u8217\'92s vagina, until it was buried in her up to
the knuckle and I was caressing the soft folds of flesh within. I toyed with her
clit, searching for the spot that makes women melt, but she lay quiet, unresponsive
, one hand resting lightly on my waist and the other lying still on the mattress
.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Her
female sex under my hand lit the fuse of my desire and the knowledge it was my
mother{}#\u8216\'91s sex, forbidden to a son, blew it into a flare. My throbbing
penis reached for her, taking me with it, and I rolled onto her body. She spread
her legs, opening herself to me and I reached between us, took my penis in my hand
and guided it against her, probing her slit until I felt her part before me and
I slid into her.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 My
mother{}#\u8216\'91s vagina embraced my penis, accepting its full length until my
little bush of hair pressed against hers. I was mating with my own mother. Copulating
with my own mother. Fucking my own mother. It was glorious.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I slid
my penis back and forth inside her, wallowing in the cascades of pleasure that
poured through me as the soft-furrowed walls of my mother\u8217\'92s vagina stroked
the blood-gorged helmet of her son{}#\u8216\'91s penis. It had been there before
, I realised. Twenty-five years ago I had been there and my penis had stroked the
walls of my mother\u8217\'92s vagina then. Every man not born by Caesarian has
had his penis in his \u8216\'91s vagina. Mother-son incest is just a return home
.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 My
orgasm detonated and my sperm pumped from me into my mother, flooding her uterus
and womb. I gasped, shuddered and strained with the exquisite sensation, pulsing
in my mother. Then the explosion faded leaving me exhausted, weak and stunned.
I collapsed onto my mother{}#\u8216\'91s body, panting, my face in her hair, my
arms around her, her breasts crushed against me and my penis still buried in her
vagina.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 She
had not, I realised, responded in any way usual to women. As I had fucked her
she had lain passive and quiet, seemingly unmoved by the sex act I had committed
on her. I felt a sudden sense of shame and embarrassment at what I had done and
as though becoming aware of it she put her arms around me and held me to her, the
way mothers are allowed to hold their sons.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8216
\'91Oh Mum,{}#\u8217\'92 I gasped. {}#\u8216\'91I{}#\u8216\'91m sorry.{}#\u8221
\'94
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93If you are,\u8221\'94 she chided me gently, {}#\u8220\'93It means you{}#\u8216
\'91ve done something wrong. Have you?{}#\u8221\'94
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I found
the strength to lift myself partly off her although I left my penis where it was
, buried like a bayonet in her.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93Mum,{}#\u8221\'94 I said firmly. \u8220\'93It was fantastic. It was wonderful
. It was beautiful. I just wish it had been for you, too.{}#\u8221\'94
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93Oh,{}#\u8221\'94 I couldn{}#\u8216\'91t see her face below me in the dark but
I heard the smile in her voice and felt her small shrug. \u8220\'93It wasn{}#\u8216
\'91t bad. I guess I{}#\u8216\'91m a bit rusty.{}#\u8221\'94
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I began
shafting her again, fucking her long and slow until I felt her body convulse and
quiver to an orgasm and was even able to manage a second small orgasm and ejaculation
of my own. Then I lay on her, exhausted, for several minutes while my sated penis
shrank within her.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28{}#\u8220
\'93Would you mind getting off me, James,{}#\u8221\'94 she said eventually in the
kind of voice mothers use to obtain instant obedience from their sons. {}#\u8220
\'93I\u8217\'92d forgotten how messy this is, and it{}#\u8216\'91s sogging up my
side of the bed.\u8221\'94
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I obeyed
, slipping my sticky, floppy penis out of her body and bringing, I guessed, a load
more semen with it. My mother groped at her bedside table, I heard tissues drawn
from a box and lay weakly beside her as she mopped herself up.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93Here.{}#\u8221\'94 She passed some to me and I cleaned my penis. Then my mother
snuggled up to me and I slept the sleep of the sated.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Army
-trained I woke in the first grey light of the dawn, my mother sleeping curled with
her back against me and my penis erect again, pressing against her buttocks. I
moved only slightly and it slid between them and I had to move only a little more
to begin buggering my mother. Softly, gently, I manoeuvred it into her anus while
she lay still, seeming to sleep, but when I{}#\u8216\'91d eased no more than the
helmet into her she said softly, {}#\u8220\'93You{}#\u8216\'91re the first man
to do that to me. You father wanted to do it but I wouldn\u8217\'92t let him.
But if you want to.......{}#\u8221\'94 I felt her shrug.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I reached
round her, took her breasts in my hands and squeezed her to me as I worked the
rest of my penis into her back passage.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28{}#\u8220
\'93Don\u8217\'92t you like it?\u8221\'94 I breathed into her ear. She shrugged
.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93It{}#\u8216\'91s nicer for me in its proper place. Isn{}#\u8216\'91t it better
for you, there?\u8221\'94
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28{}#\u8220
\'93Yes, but this is nice.\u8221\'94 I was gently fucking her anus. \u8220\'93It
{}#\u8216\'91s..... softer. Milder. And it{}#\u8216\'91s special somehow. Maybe
because it isn\u8216\'91t in the proper place\u8221\'94
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 She
shrugged sleepily in my arms. \u8220\'93Anything for you, son,{}#\u8221\'94 she
said quietly as I ejaculated into her lower intestine.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I went
back to sleep with my penis still in my \u8216\'91s rectum and when I awoke two
hours later I was alone in the bed. I lay half wondering if the night\u8217\'92
s events were not a dream, although I was quite definitely in my mother{}#\u8216
\'91s bed, my penis felt a little worn and the lethargy that follows sex was heavy
in my body. Then the bedroom door opened and my mother entered, bearing a tray
.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93Ah, the sleeper awakes. Breakfast in bed for you this morning, my boy,\u8221
\'94 she said.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 She
was in a dressing-gown and as she set the tray on the bedside table next to me
I reached out, caught it by the belt and undid it. The gown fell open to reveal
her naked beneath. She straightened and faced me, not trying to hide herself.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Her
body wasn\u8217\'92t the loveliest, but then she wasn\u8217\'92t a 20-year-old
girl any more. Gravity had had its way with her breasts, pulling them down to lay
like tears on her chest and the dark rings surrounding her nipples were huge, like
chocolate sauce on a pudding. There was a distinct roll of fat lying like a hoop
on her hips and a flabbiness to her thighs where the skin was dimpled like the
skin of an orange by the fat underneath. Between them, under a mat of tangled,
short dark hair, was the beginning of the deep cleft into her body I had plumbed
the previous night.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I realised
she was watching me examine her with a wry smile and I grinned up at her.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28{}#\u8220
\'93You\u8217\'92re beautiful,{}#\u8221\'94 I breathed.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93Liar,{}#\u8221\'94 she grinned down at me, pleased. \u8220\'93But perhaps now
I{}#\u8216\'91ve a reason to get back into trim again, hey. My special lover.{
}#\u8221\'94
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 My
penis throbbed awake, eager again, and I reached for her.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93Wait,\u8221\'94 she said sharply and left the room, housecoat flapping. When
she returned it was with a wet flannel and, pulling back the bedclothes, she began
washing my penis.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93I know where that\u8217\'92s been,{}#\u8221\'94 she said.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 She
washed it thoroughly, dried it unceremoniously on the corner of a sheet and then
, kneeling by the bed, leaned over and took it in her mouth.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93Oh mum,{}#\u8221\'94 I groaned as I melted to the sensation of my mother sucking
, nibbling and mouth-fucking me.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 It
look a delightfully long while until I felt my orgasm begin to stir and I stopped
her, drew her up onto the bed and after kissing her lips, her throat, her nipples
and her navel I buried my face between her legs.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 My
mother{}#\u8216\'91s genitals were full and lush, sweet and tangy with woman-sex
. I nibbled her clitoris, sucked on her labia and wormed my tongue into her vagina
, the hot, soft, dark tunnel through which I had passed to enter to world twenty
-five years before. Surely, I thought as I did it, every man should kiss and worship
that secret place which received and treasured the seed from which he had grown
, and through which he entered the world nine months later. Suddenly it didn{}#
\u8216\'91t seem wrong that I should be kissing my mother{}#\u8216\'91s vagina.
It seemed wrong not to.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 I felt
the hot snake of my orgasm unwind in my loins, wriggled up my \u8216\'91s body,
slipped my penis into her and fucked her for all I was worth. This time she orgasmed
too, moaning and wriggling under me, arching her back with my weight as well as
her vagina sucked and squeezed at my penis pumping yet more of my semen into her
, seeking to drain every drop from me. I gave her all I had and then we collapsed
together, exhausted.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 We
lay entwined like lovers, weak as new-borns joined at the groin. I didn\u8217\'92
t want to move ever again while my mother snuggled herself contentedly against her
.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 The
evening before we had talked frankly and exchanged confessions yet there was one
I had held back and it troubled me.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93Mum,{}#\u8221\'94 I said quietly, nuzzling at one of her big nipples as I had
as a baby. {}#\u8220\'93I don\u8217\'92t know if I ought to be telling you, but
I feel I have to. And it\u8217\'92s long in the past, now.{}#\u8221\'94
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93Yes, dear?\u8221\'94 my mother said, gently moving her hips so that the head
of my penis stroked the depths of her vagina.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93I did this with Alice. And Jane.{}#\u8221\'94 My elder sister had been perfectly
happy to share her sexual discoveries with her brother as she had made them, and
I had been only too happy to pass them on to my younger sister, by demonstration
.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93I know, dear,{}#\u8221\'94 my mother said with long-suffering patience. My
surprise jerked my penis inside her. \u8220\'93Her teenage son may be a closed book
to his mother,\u8221\'94 she explained. \u8220\'93But there isn{}#\u8216\'91t
much she does\u8216\'91t know about her daughters.{}#\u8221\'94
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93You knew?{}#\u8221\'94 I was flabbergasted.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28{}#\u8220
\'93You were all fond of each other, you didn\u8217\'92t force them, and I knew
you always took precautions. So while I wasn{}#\u8216\'91t exactly happy about
it, I had a feeling I wouldn\u8217\'92t be able to prevent it. So I went with the
flow. I knew you{}#\u8216\'91d grow out of it.{}#\u8221\'94
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93Oh.\u8221\'94 A whole wonderful chapter of my life had suddenly taken on a
totally different light.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93And I{}#\u8216\'91ve got something you ought to know, son,{}#\u8221\'94 my mother
said archly. {}#\u8220\'93I{}#\u8216\'91m not so old that I couldn{}#\u8216\'91
t get pregnant from all this.{}#\u8221\'94
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28{}#\u8220
\'93Oh,\u8221\'94 I said again, this time because it felt like someone had punched
me in the stomach. I hadn{}#\u8216\'91t thought about it. I{}#\u8216\'91d assumed
my mother was too old to fall pregnant. A false assumption of the sort that loses
battles. I mentally kicked myself.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93But we{}#\u8216\'91ll worry about that if it happens, hey?{}#\u8221\'94 she
laughed. I laughed weakly with her.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28\u8220
\'93You{}#\u8216\'91d best go have a shower,{}#\u8221\'94 she ordered, \u8220\'93
And get some breakfast down you. Time{}#\u8216\'91s getting on and it wouldn\u8217
\'92t do to go AWOL now.{}#\u8221\'94
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 As
usual mother was right and I wearily lifted myself off her, my shrunken penis sliding
out of her body into the cold air.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Three
hours later she was among a small crowd of mothers, wives and sweethearts waving
at the Army coaches as they left the Camp for the airfield nearby. I gave her
a wave back and my tired penis twitched at the memory of her hot cunt while to anyone
else she was just a fond mother waving her son goodby at the start of a dangerous
journey. It made me wonder how many other mothers in that crowd, and in all the
other crowds of mothers waving their sons away to war over the years, had willingly
gone far beyond the bounds of what mothers are supposed to do with and for their
sons. Millions, surely. There was nothing special about us. My mother and I
were incredibly ordinary in our lives and our feelings for each other. Yet, mother
and son, we had shared sex and I knew in my bones other mothers and sons had, too
. Binding themselves together to face the worry and the bad times with that supreme
joy only sharing sex can bring. I felt a sudden, deep sadness for all those mothers
whose own inhibitions had turned her away from the act, and the sons who hadn{}
#\u8216\'91t liked or been bold enough to ask their mothers for sex, for how much
more empty and lonely were the lives of those mothers when their son\u8217\'92s
had not returned and the memories of what could have been, what should have been
, haunted them.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 A letter
from my mother six weeks into the tour informed me, obliquely, that she wasn\u8217
\'92t pregnant and I believed her, although I would not have put it past her to
abort the baby without telling me had she been, and I relieved many unbelievably
tedious hours of duty watching empty hillsides or peaceful streets reliving the
memory of my mother\u8217\'92s body twitching with orgasm under mine, or her mouth
sucking at my penis like a stick of rock.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 At
the end of the tour I went home with a fourteen-day pass and spent most of it in
bed with my mother who was now, she informed me, on the pill again. I had other
women, too, and she knew and didn{}#\u8216\'91t begrudge me them. One I eventually
married and she was a wonderful grandmother to my children even if we sometimes
left them to play in the garden while we crept upstairs like teenagers for a quicky
on her bed.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28 Now
she is seventy, white-haired and withered, but because she still enjoys it her
son is only too happy to fuck her carefully and lovingly. And I{}#\u8216\'91m going
to keep on doing it as long as she enjoys it.
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}
\pard\nowidctlpar\nooverflow\sl240\slmult1\fi282{\f0\lang2057\fs24\kerning28
}