Zzathras

Papa Bear and Baby Bear

[4]

"Hello baby bear. Sleep good?"

"Ya. You feeling better?" He smiled up at me.

"Yes I am, thank you for asking."

I could feel my erection rubbing against his hip as he moved.

"You have a boner again." He giggled.

"It seems that you do that to me. Do you want to fool around a bit before the others wake up?" I was confused at myself. I wanted desperately to have sex with him but I also wanted to enjoy him non-sexually. He looked a bit pensive. He was considering something.

"Billy? Do you love me for the sex stuff? Or do you love me?"

The question hit me like a train. How could he be so intuitive?

"Have you been thinking a lot about this?"

"Yes. Are you mad?"

"No."

"So?"

"I don't know. I was thinking that myself. Do I love you? Yes. Do I love the sex we both enjoy? Yes. I want to say I would love you without the sex but I can't. I just don't know. All I know is that you have filled this great hole in my soul. I hurt in ways no one could ever know before I met you. Now I am happy. But if you refused me sex? I don't know how long I would love you. It might be forever. I pray it would be. It might not."

He looked a bit scared. "So we have to keep doing it so we know you won't stop loving me?"

"No. We can stop doing it for a time and see. Or we can just keep doing things like we have been doing and not worry about it."

"I want to know." He had a deadly seriousness to his demeanor. "If you don't really love me I want to know. I don't want to be hurt again. If we go like that and one day you decide you don't love me 3;"

"It would hurt you. I never want to hurt you."

"But if we do this and I find out the truth then at least I know. I won't be hurt like what my mommy did."

"All I can say is that right this moment I love you more than I love my own life. If you want to do this I will do it. But I can't say what the results will be."

"Then I want to."

"OK. No sex. I don't want to set a time limit on it. You decide. Just don't tell me or it will be a waiting game. You decide when. If we ever have sex again. But I want you to know something."

"What?"

"This is a very grown up thing you are doing. It took a lot of thought to ask and it took a lot of strength to make this decision. I am very proud of you. I just hope I can make you as proud of me."

We hugged close and snuggled until the others woke up. I was still hard. However, I decided to abstain from any release till I knew the truth of our love. He trusted me and loved me unconditionally. Did I have that in me? As we got out of bed Billy turned to me. "Billy?"

"Yes love?"

"Thanks."

I looked at him, unsure as to what he was thanking me for.

"Thanks for telling me the truth. You could have said just 'yes I love you' and not said the other things. But you told me the truth. Even if it is scary that you might not really love me."

"I can't lie to you. If I give you the truth maybe you can prepare for what might come."

"I just want you to know some thing."

"What is that my little man?"

"No matter what, I love you."

I wanted to cry. Instead we went to breakfast. I decided to just make today as fun as we could make it. We all went to the beach for the morning. The boys looked stunning in their speedos and Billy's tan was finally beginning to show. He was still pale next to the brothers, but at least he didn't look sickeningly white. All the boys took T-shirts and their short shorts. I was wondering if there was a conspiracy to drive me nuts. Of course I took my camera and shot a couple rolls of film at the beach. We all enjoyed the beach immensely and then went to lunch and a movie. The kids did get a bit chilled in the theater so I went to the car to get the towels to wrap them in. They looked funny in the show but at least they were warm. After that we went to an amusement park to ride the rides and play some games. I was getting knots in my tummy. It was getting late in the day and that meant tomorrow was drawing near. It was sundown when we came home and we all were very tired.

David and I talked to the boys about the surgery. I was in a fog of worry and self recrimination. The boys vented their fears and concerns. We fielded them as well as we could. I did not feel as comfortable with the situation as I tried to let on. The brothers and I would be in the waiting room while the surgery was performed. I would be allowed to be with Billy until he was placed under the anesthetic but then I would have to leave the room. Billy could not eat anything after noon today. He was getting very hungry by bed time and so was I. I refused to eat until the surgery was complete. He didn't say anything when I told them I would eat when he did. He just hugged me and we went on about our day. Early in the evening, after Billy and I watched the sun go down together, David brought us both a tall glass of koolaid.

"He can have liquids, just no solid food. Now drink up."

I downed the whole glass to cool the hunger in my stomach. Billy followed suit. The concoction was definitely mixed by a kid. It had enough sugar in it to give an elephant diabetes. I also detected a slight bitter taste. Almost mediciney. I looked at David questioningly.

"Yes I spiked your drink. Now get upstairs and in bed before it takes affect and I have to carry your asses up there. I know neither of you would sleep otherwise."

I picked up Billy and we walked up the stairs. I could feel the effects of the sedative before we got to the room. I barely had enough time to get into my sweats and Billy into his pajamas before sleep took me. The alarm went off too damned early.

We all were in the waiting room. What were we doing? Waiting of course. Billy was in the capable hands of one of the best pediatric surgeons in the West. I was still scared to hell. The hospital staff didn't give us a moment's respite. One nurse, orderly, doctor, administrator, secretary, janitor, after another came by to see how we were doing. It got annoying after the first hour. The boys tried to find something to watch on TV. All that was on were soap operas. We tried to play board games. None of us could concentrate. I tried to teach them a few card games. We couldn't seem to get into it. I wanted to find a place to cry. I couldn't just sit here. But I had these two angels with me to watch and protect. The surgery team kept feeding us reports every fifteen minutes like clockwork.

"Billy?"

"Yes Mikey?"

"Can we go to the chapel?"

"There is a chapel in this place?"

"Yea. I never been in it but it's down the hall. I figured it can't hurt."

"I think that's a good idea Mikey."

The nurse came out to tell us that the surgery would take a little longer because they found more damage than they expected. I informed her we would be in the chapel. I never went to church much. Too many evangelists telling me I was a sinner and sucking the money out of people soured me to organized religions. The chapel was not a church. It was a simple room with an altar. No religious symbology decorated the room but you still got the feeling that you were in a church. It was a nondenominational chapel. It made me feel better for some reason. The boys knelt on the floor next to me and began to mumble little boy prayers. I wasn't listening to them. There were too many things I wanted to say but could not. I bowed my head and did something I hadn't done in too many years. I talked to God. Of course he didn't talk to me. But then I just wanted someone to listen. And He is a good listener. I just wish he would come down for coffee one day. I tried to control the fear and sadness in me. But I could not stop the tears that flowed down my face. I never went for this 'if you do this for me I will do this' crap. I knew me too well. Prayed for Billy to be happy. Even if it meant a life without me. I prayed for his health, a long life, good friends and a lot of love for the little boy. I prayed for the skill of the surgeons, the nurses and the hospital. I prayed for Mikey and Jeffy, the only friends Billy had. I prayed for a little old lady that entrusted her babies in me. The only thing I asked for myself was the strength to love this boy with equal love that he did me. I knew I was undeserving.

A hand touched my shoulder.

"Bill."

David stood behind me wearing his scrubs.

"David, I he OK?"

"Yes. He will be fine. He gave us a couple scares but everything went well and he will be fine."

I flew into his arms and sobbed like a baby. I thanked him a thousand times and then I thanked him again. I thanked God a million times and hugged the boys tight as I ran to the recovery room. I knew Billy wasn't going to be awake, but I wanted to be near him. He looked so helpless. He lay on a cold table with a sheet covering his nakedness. Tubes ran from both arms up into plastic bags. He looked pale, almost ashen. The nurse assured me he was doing fine. I sat in a chair and watched his little chest rise and fall. I followed him to his room and waited there. I nodded off a few times. The emotional toll was great. I could not believe how tired I was.

"Bill?" I heard a croak.

"Yes Billy. I'm here."

"I hurt."

"I know love. David fixed your insides up. You will be better in no time. Soon there will be no more pain."

"I'm thirsty." He sounded so weak. The nurse came in and gave him some ice to suck on.

"You look bad Bill." He croaked at me.

"Never mind me. You get all better."

"I hurt still."

I called David.

"I know it hurts baby. Just hang on a few minutes till this takes affect."

David injected something into his IV. "It will make you sleepy. Don't fight it. I'm going to send Bill home in a bit. Don't be scared if he's not here when you wake up. If he's not I will be. If I am not then that nice, pretty nurse who gave you the teddy bear will be. Now you go to sleep. When you wake up you will fell a lot better. I promise."

We watched as Billy slipped into unconsciousness again.

"Bill, you look like shit." David was as blunt as a baseball bat.

"Go home. Take the boys. You all need some rest and food."

I protested but he threatened to call security. I knew he was right.

"This sedative will keep him out for about twelve hours. You come back tomorrow."

"OK. But make sure this is over his bed tonight." I handed him the leather pouch.

"I will put it up right now." And he did. I watched him get a step ladder and hang my dream catcher above the heart and light of my soul.

The next day I returned to the hospital with the boys. David didn't come home that night. I found him asleep next to Billy's bed.

"He's been here all night." A nurse said at my side.

"Is there some place we can put him?" I wanted to make sure he was taken care of.

"The next room isn't occupied. We can put him in there. He certainly is a dedicated doctor."

We gathered him up and put him to bed. He tried to protest but we wouldn't hear of it.

"Does he do this with all of his patients?"

"Quite often. I have seen him stay days. He never lets a child feel alone. He can be frustrating at times. But I know how special Billy is."

She was the nurse that gave Billy the teddy bear next to him now.

"I want to thank you. You made him feel better about his whole ordeal. And that makes me feel better."

"I just want him to get better. No child should go through that."

I gave her a hug and sat in the chair my friend had occupied moments earlier. The brothers were in the capable hands of the nursing staff. They loved to fawn over the boys. And the boys loved it too. A couple hours later Billy woke up. It was approaching the time I had to leave. I needed to go set up for tomorrow's shoot. I wanted to cancel but there was no way I could.

"Bill? Can I eat? I'm hungry."

"I will ask the nurse." She went to get him something to eat.

"Love? I have to leave soon."

"Can't you stay?"

"No. I have to set up for Pruneface's wedding." I felt my chest squeeze.

"I don't want you to go." He was almost pleading.

"I want to stay. But I can't. I will try to finish as soon as I can so I can come back to you."

"OK. But I don't want you to go."

"I promise to be here as soon as I can. David is here and he has been all night. He made me go home with the boys. But he stayed right in this chair all night."

"I was so scared I would never see you again Bill."

"I was so scared that I would loose you. I went to the chapel and prayed to God to help you."

"Me too. I prayed all the way here."

"Do you still hurt?"

"Yea. But not as bad. Still a lot. Not like it was when he hurt me."

"Good. You just get the rest you need and get better. I want you healthy so I can shoot some more pictures of you."

"Me too."

We hugged and I left my baby at the hospital to go shoot a damned wedding.

"Mr. Jhonstone! I expected you this morning! Why are you so late? There had better be a good reason for this delay!"

"Mrs. Lindsey, I just spent the last 36 hours going through hell. If you want me to do this then let me get to work. If not tell me now."

"Just what does 'going though hell' mean young man."

I let my anger show. "It means that my son just had surgery to repair the damage some fucking animal inflicted on him in the most perverted manner possible. So excuse me if I am late and seem to be out of sorts. Just tell me what you want me to do first and lets get this done."

She just stared at me with wide eyes and jaw agape. "I'm so sorry! I didn't know!"

"Forget it. Lets get to work."

She recovered herself well considering the assault I had given her. We indeed got to work. I set up the sets and scouted the other locations she wanted me to shoot. Mrs. Lindsey personally escorted me about the expansive grounds to ensure I had everything I needed to be done as quickly as possible. I took detailed notes about each room and location that I would be shooting at. Lighting conditions and types. Film requirements. Ideas and thoughts. Mrs. Lindsey also took a much softer approach to me that day. She still was very much in control, but a generally more pleasant person to be around. I had finished up and was almost ready to leave when she approached me.

"William, what hospital is little Billy in? I wish to send him some flowers and a card."

"That would be wonderful. He was impressed with you when he met you."

"And I was of him too. It is not very often you meet such a polite and well mannered young man."

I gave her the hospital name and telephone number. "But do me a favor, don't send a small brown teddy bear of any sort. One of the nurses has already given him one and he is fond of it."

"I understand. You go be with your boy. What time shall I expect you in the morning?"

"Five am. The guests should be arriving by eight?"

"Yes eight. But why so early?"

"Because I want to be sure that everything goes smoothly. I will see you then?"

"Yes."

"Then till tomorrow!" I raced to the hospital. It was not yet four. Billy wasn't expecting me until after six.

I slept at the hospital with Billy' hand in mine. I woke up with a wicked neck ache. I woke Billy long enough to tell him I was going. I knew I would not be back until well after six. There was simply no getting around it. I took the whole day as much in stride as I could. The entire clan showed up. I did everything I could to not shove my camera up the noses of a great many of my employer's relatives. Many were rude, several demeaning, and a couple just downright nasty. But most were fun to work with and very helpful. One was this cute 12 year old that wanted to be anywhere but there. I thought he was cute. But he was approaching heartbreakingly handsome. Puberty was only a few short months away. Still he was a joy to be around and I shot a number of images of him. He became my unofficial assistant for the day. His parents were happy to have him occupied and I was more than happy to have a nice lad to be near. The only drawback was that he reminded me of my vow to Billy and that Billy was in the hospital. I worked like a madman to get all the people shot and shot right. A couple people were so obstinate and annoying that I told them to come back later to get shot. I noticed that Mrs. Lindsey was trying hard to make sure that my subjects knew they were to be as helpful as possible. Almost all did. But the few that gave me fits soon found themselves with her giving them a firm tongue lashing. When they did return I found them to be helpful and polite. I finished my day after the last caterer had been shot and we all had cleaned up. It was approaching eight pm. The hospital was quiet as a church. Billy was feeling a good deal better today. He was even sitting up.

"My rear hurts still. But it isn't to bad. It feels like someone shoved a car up my rear."

"I could have done without that image Billy." I giggled.

"But it does. David told me it was 'cause they had to open my rear up so wide for so long. He said he fixed me up real good."

"I am happy to hear that."

"How did the wedding go? Was Mrs. Pruneface nice to you?"

"Mrs Lindsey" I emphasized her name. "Was very nice and helpful. She made sure I could get my work done as fast as I could. It still took the whole day."

"At least it's over. Will you be here from now on?"

"Until we get you home to David's. Then I have to do some shoots out of town. I will come home each night. A couple will take a couple days. But I will be coming home most nights."

"Oh." He sounded down about it.

"I want to be here every day. But I can't. I have to go. It is my job. My work. It's how I make my money."

He didn't look happy.

"I don't want to be away from you at all. You need me and I need you, but sometimes shit happens and you can't do anything about it." I took his face in my hands. "But when you get on your feet," I grabbed his toes under the blanket. "We can do these shoots together. The first one is a resort. The owner has a beach house we can use and we will be there about a week!"

"You mean it? You want me to help you?!"

"Absolutely! You were a great help when I shot Jeffy and Mikey."

He wrapped his arms around my neck and squeezed with all his might. We hugged for a long time then parted.

"Bill?"

"Yes?"

"Have you been thinking about what we talked about?"

"Yes. I have."

"I don't wanna do it."

"Why?"

"If you don't love me I don't want to know. I want things to be just like they are."

"Honey, we both need to know. I know that I need to."

"But what if you don't?"

"What if I do?"

"But what if you don't!?"

"I'm betting on love. I know I love you. Over these last two days the only thing I could think of was you. Not our games. Just you. And you know how long it has been since we did anything."

"I'm scared."

"I am too. But remember that I will never abandon you. I will always be here for you. Even if. We can still be friends if not lovers."

"I'm still scared."

"I need to do this. If just to prove to myself that I do really love you."

"OK."

"OK."

We hugged again and played cards till I was made to go home.

The next few days drug by. I hated hospitals and I hated seeing Billy in one. Finally we had my boy home and in his own bed. David wouldn't let him out of bed for more that a few minutes at a time. But those times grew longer and longer each day.

I had to go back to work. I had several jobs to do that I had planned for a long time and a couple more new ones. I dreaded each day being away and looked forward to getting home each day. Most took the whole day and I usually got home after dark.

Yes, I was horny as hell. But I found myself not fantasizing about his body as much as I thought. I dreamed all day long about being near him and cuddling him. His laughter rang in my memory. I was missing his recovery. Up by dawn and on the road. Home after dark and sometimes late. I ached to be there to watch him as he grew stronger and played with the brothers two.

A week and a half later I was done with the jobs. I had a short break before we had to do the resort. Three glorious days with my son. I got home early from my final job. I wanted to surprise the light of my life. I had a special package for the boys tucked under my arm and a very special one in my shirt pocket for Billy.

The house was silent as a church. I saw no signs of life. I checked every room and found the house to be empty. I was depressed. Where were they? No note. David never mentioned them being away. But then I hardly knew what they were up to during the day. Part of me wanted to panic. The rational part told me they went to a movie or the market or something. But the irrational part nagged at my mind.

I decided to do something to take my mind off it. I retreated to my darkroom. I set my watch to chime the half hour and set to work. I found myself printing Billy's pictures over the brothers. Every time the watch chimed I poked my head out to see if anyone was home. It seemed like forever. I was getting annoyed. Where the hell were they? Didn't they know I had something special for the boys? Damnit I wanted some company! A dozen images later I heard a bump upstairs. Finally they were home. I finished the image I was working on and stepped out of the Bat Cave. I had noticed the boys painted that on the door. Complete with a rough bat symbol. I snickered at it when I first saw it. I quickly washed my hands and snuck upstairs. I was going to surprise someone. There wasn't anyone up there. I know I heard the bump. I quietly moved to the center of the room going for the kitchen. Maybe they were fixing a snack. My paranoia gene kicked in. What if it wasn't the guys? What if it was a burglar?

"SURPRISE!!!!"

I nearly wet myself. People popped up from behind every piece of furniture and wall around me. My heart leapt into my throat and back to my feet. I was surrounded by people. It took a minute for me to recognize some of them. I knew most of them from one place or another.

"Jezzus! You scared the pee outa me almost!"

"Good!" Billy laughed. "That's what we wanted to do!"

"What's the occasion?" I asked as someone put a drink in my hand.

"A birthday party!" David cheered.

"But it's not my birthday."

"But it is mine!" Billy jumped into my arms.

"Billy, why did you surprise me if it's your birthday?"

"'Cause we wanted to!"

I was embarrassed. It was my boy's birthday and I forgot it. Thankfully I had the small package in my pocket to give him. I saw most of the nurses that were at the hospital, Officer Mary, Mrs. Lindsey, and a bunch of others that I knew by face but not name. There were several kids there for the boys to play with and they did with a passion. We adults sat and talked and enjoyed watching the kids play birthday games. I shot as much of it as I could and enjoyed the hell out of the whole thing.

Billy was happier than I remembered him to be. There was a stack of presents that dwarfed the table that they sat on. A huge cake sat in the kitchen under a big glass cover to keep it fresh and safe from little fingers. When Billy opened his presents he did so with a vengeance. Paper flew every which way and he loved every one of them. I was proud to see that he showed off his gifts and gave each giver a big hug and kiss and a heart felt 'thank you'. I was happy to see no one gave him clothes. Every gift was for him. A set of his favorite videos, a game station (I was hoping to avoid giving him one but what the hell), a point and shoot camera of his own. It was a good one with a bunch of options and a good learning camera. A set of roller blades, a very thoughtful gift certificate to a major sporting goods chain (I figured he would want a nice bike when we got to my place), a handful of movie passes to a major chain of theaters in the western US. And a horde of toys. Mrs. Lindsey was conspicuously lacking a gift.

"William, I have a gift for you but it isn't here yet. I had to special order it and it will take a couple weeks to be here."

"What is it Mrs. Lindsey?" He was excited and nearly vibrating in place.

"A good computer. I thought you would need one for school."

"A real computer? Like dad's laptop?"

"No lad. It is a desktop model. Top of the line and all yours."

"Can I play games on it?"

"I hope not! You have that 'Nintendo' thing for that."

"When will it be here?"

"I am unsure. The store said it would take some time to get all the parts and to build it. But I have a picture of what it will look like."

She handed him a picture with the computer on it. It was a monster. A full tower case, 17" monitor, color printer, scanner, speakers. It was a designer color I had never seen before. Bright water blue. I didn't know that these things came in colors. I read the specs on the back as Billy hugged her tight and thanked he with gusto. 300 mhz?! 9 gig hard drive? 8 meg video card, 128 megs of ram, 56 k modem and isdn card, TV card, 64 bit sound card, Jazz drive, 120mb floppy drive, high resolution scanner, color laser printer, 24X cd-rom. This thing was immense. I couldn't have designed on better myself. It sure put my little desktop system to shame.

"Now, remember young man. This is a serious tool. Use it for learning and not those silly games."

"Yes ma'am! Thanks! WOW."

Billy took the paper and was drooling over it.

"Mrs. Lindsey, this is too much."

"Nonsense. The boy needs a good computer for school."

"This thing is a mainframe practically!"

"It will be obsolete by this time next year." She looked at me,

"Besides it's only money and I have more than I need anyway. Better he get some of it than my greedy brats. Isn't he worth and deserving of it?"

"That and more. That and more."

"The shut up and smile. He wants to take our picture."

The flash went off and I was blinded for a minute.

"There is still one person who needs to give the lad a gift!" David announced. He walked up to me and whispered in my ear "I hope you got him something!"

"Yes I did!"

"Good. I can return it then." He shuffled off. I made a mental not to talk to him after a bit.

"Where is it Dad!?" Billy was jumping up and down in front of me. Reaching into my pocket I gave him his gift. He held it in his hand and looked into my eyes. Then he slowly peeled back the paper and gaped at it. It was a small pendant of gold on a thin gold chain. The picture engraved on the front was of a man and boy holding each other, watching the sun set.

"Turn it over Billy." I whispered. He looked at the inscription and tears welled up in his eyes.

"Baby Bear, for always and forever with all my heart, Papa Bear." He whispered. He flung himself into my arms and cried. We both had tears in our eyes and smiles on our faces. I looked around. Everyone was staring at us.

"What is this? A party or a funeral? Let's party!!" I called.

More pizza than we could eat was served followed by ice cream and cake. Sodas flowed freely and the kids cheered when they were allowed to go swimming. A dozen kids splashed in the pool and made silly gooses of themselves. The brothers wore their speedos and I noticed Billy did as well.

"I saw another package in the basement Bill." David noted.

"It's for the three of them. After everyone leaves." I remembered my mental note. "What was it you got?"

"Nothing. Just a little something in case you forgot."

"I did."

"You forgot?"

"Yes. I got Billy the pendant to give him for no particular reason."

I lied through my teeth. Billy knew the importance of it. "I just was lucky with the timing."

"It is more than your letting on. But if it makes him happy, who cares the why's."

"Thank you David. You have no idea what all you have don't for us means to me."

"Your welcome. Wait till I give you the party bill." He joked.

Nine pm rolled around and David and I had cleaned up the party mess. Several people stayed and helped us so it went quickly. The boys were in the living room playing with the presents. Billy had not even unpacked the game station since he had one here already to play with. We would wait till we got to my home for that. We sent the lads to their baths and sat on the couch to gather our thoughts.

"I was wondering where you went today. I was getting depressed when I came home and didn't find you all."

"It isn't easy to set up a surprise party."

"I never heard of the birthday boy surprising someone else."

"It was creative. And he thought it all up himself. I could not refuse him on his birthday."

"Today was good wasn't it?"

"Indeed. I'm just glad we don't have to many of these. God, I'm tired."

"All of us are I think.' The boys came down in their usual mode of dress. Or should I say 'undress'. Billy had on his pendant and he climbed into my lap.

"Thanks Dad. It's the best present today." He snuggled into me for cuddles.

The pendant looked good against his golden skin. He had tanned nicely while I was gone. I hardly had a chance to see him in the last ten days and he was gorgeous. From head to toe was an even shade of brown. Still not as dark as the brothers who were hugging their dad goodnight. But he looked stunning. I also noticed he seemed to be slightly heavier than the before the surgery.

"Have you been working out Billy?"

"Yea! I do those exercises you taught me every day! I can do twenty pushups now!"

"Excellent! How many sit ups?"

"Only ten." He looked down.

"Don't be upset. Remember that you couldn't do one the first time."

"Yea." He got up and moved to the stairs. "I'm going to bed now. Thanks for everything David." He then vanished up the stairs.

"Are we just too lucky to have boys like them or what Bill?"

"Good Karma. We deserve them and they need us. I just hope to be a worthy father."

"If you aren't I would be surprised. Go to bed my friend. It has been a long day for us all."

We both went to bed. Billy was taking his pendant off and placing it on the end table.

"I'm so glad this last couple weeks is over." I groaned.

"Why?"

"'Cause I missed you silly! You are all I could think of. It made it hard to focus on my job."

"I know what you were thinking!" He teased.

"No. I did a couple times. But mostly all I wanted to do was get home to hug you."

"Are you mad?"

"At what?"

"Me. I came up with that silly idea."

"No. I am proud of you. I intend to see this through. I know I love you and only for you. Not the other things. I just want to prove it to myself."

"OK. How much longer?"

"I do not know. Would you be upset if we never did it again?"

He though about it a minute. "I would miss it. It is fun. But I am happy when we don't do it also. I'm still scared a little. But I know you love me for me."

"I do and always will."

We cuddled into the night and slept well that night.

The next three days were heaven. I took a few hours each day to print pictures in the morning and late evening. I soon had them all done. At least the ones I had don't before. I still was taking many more as the days progressed. The day after the party I gave the boys their package.

"What is it?" Jeffy held up a hat.

"It costumes. Clothes actually. Costumes aren't as good as these are."

"Of what?" David asked.

"Why the Three Musketeers of course!"

The boys loved the idea. And I spend the next couple hours modifying the suits to fit properly. I then spend an after noon shooting the boys in their garb. We all laughed and made faces but what was important was we had fun. The one shot I knew I would make a huge poster of was one of all three with their small swords crossed in front of them. They had such a look of camaraderie and strength as a team. It was heart warming. I never wanted to leave this home we had been adopted into. However, life went on.

"Bill, I want you both to know you're welcome here anytime. These last few weeks has been 3;"

"Hell?" I asked.

"I was going to say 'interesting'. It certainly has been a little of both. But for the most part it has been a pleasure having you here."

"Thanks David. For everything. I don't know what we would have done without you."

"Don't say anything. You are a good friend and Billy is a wonderful boy. You both deserve all the happiness in the world and not the pain you have been dealt. You can't live here forever. You have a life of your own. Go live it. Just remember to come by once in a while."

"You can count on it. I have several happy customers in this town to come back to next year."

With that and a few tears we parted company and Billy and I went off to shoot the Resort.

"Is this the place Billy?" Billy asked.

"This is the address. Let's get parked and we can see Mr. Drew."

Inside the lobby of the resort we saw quite a few people. Families and individuals as well as a few couples come in and go to the grounds that were blocked from our view by a hedge.

"Bill! I'm glad to see you! How did it go? Is everything all right?"

"Mr. Drew. Yes, everything went well and we are here finally. This is my son Billy."

The two chatted a bit and Mr. Drew asked us into his office. It was a small but comfortable office. I noticed a lack of decoration on the walls. His desk was a good cherrywood. The chairs we sat in were soft and well padded.

"Billy, Bill here tells me you had surgery. Might I ask what kind?"

"Ummmm. No?" Billy was not particularly happy about talking about his surgery. Mr. Drew looked at me.

"If he wishes to talk about it he will. But I won't make him."

"OK. I have no problem with that. Let's get to the business at hand. Our clients wish to have family portraits taken."

"I still don't know why you had trouble finding a photographer. I mean I am good but there are quite a few local photographers that could do the job competently."

"Yes. Well I haven't told you the whole story yet." He sighed. "I left out one key fact about our clientele."

"And that would be?" I was getting a funny feeling.

"This is a naturism resort. We are nudists."

I let that soak in for a minute. Sam was going to plotz at this one.

"Ummm can I ask what your thinking?" Mr. Drew was concerned.

"I was just thinking my lawyer was have kittens over this job." I giggled.

"So you don't have a problem with this?"

"There will be some concern with the legalities. We need consent forms and a whole stack of paperwork from each family, parent, and subject. This is going to be a paperwork nightmare. But we can do it, that is for sure."

"I don't think we will have any problem with that."

We spent the better part of an hour boring poor Billy to tears. Then Joseph, Mr. Drew, showed us around the grounds. Billy blushed a lot at seeing all the girls and women naked but he kept a decent straight face. I had a hard time keeping my mind on the job because I was looking at a lot of young, naked boys. Some of the women were good looking too. Joseph was kind enough to tell us one thing that made me particularly comfortable.

"Bill, if you would feel more comfortable, this is a clothing optional resort. If you feel more relaxed not going nude that is perfectly OK. Particularly since I didn't warn you before you got here."

"Actually I was going to ask you about that. Since I have a lot of locations here to shoot, I was planning on wearing my bdu's."

"bdu's? what's that Dad?" Billy looked up at me questioningly.

"Battle Dress Uniform kiddo. A special vest with a lot of special pockets to hold a bunch of stuff so I can have my hands free and pants with huge pockets to hold other stuff."

"Oh. Do I have to go naked?"

"No, Billy." Joseph interjected. "You can dress as you wish. We know you might not be as open as we are about our nudity so we will understand if you do not."

"Good."

"He's shy." I smiled at Joseph. He smiled back and we went on our way around the grounds.

We followed Joseph to his beach house a couple blocks away. It was a largish wood frame house with a lot of open glass on the beach side. The beach was perfect. It was actually a lagoon. Without open access to the ocean the beach was protected from the pounding surf. It was close enough to hear the waves but still a good ways off. Billy ran all around the property looking at everything and giving me a jumbled report before running off to see more. Joseph showed me around the house and gave me the key and alarm code. Soon we were alone.

The lagoon was largely private. There were no people wandering on it because this house was technically on the resort property and considered private property. Joseph assured me we would be alone and undisturbed. The only drawback was that there were no good rooms to set up my darkroom. I could set up in the master bathroom, but it would take some juggling. Billy and I unloaded the gear I wanted in the house and left the rest for tomorrow at the resort. He was getting to be a good helper.

"Bill? Can we go swimming?" He was eager.

"No Baby Bear. We have to go get some groceries. Joseph doesn't keep much food on hand since he doesn't live here all year around."

Billy was unhappy about this since I knew he detested grocery shopping. But then I didn't care for it myself. We found the store and got three big bags of food as quickly as we could. Hell I wanted in that water as much as Billy. We raced back to the house and unloaded the groceries as fast as we could and raced to the beach. We paused only long enough to take off all our clothes and slap on some sunblock.

The water was a crystal clear blue. You could literally see all the way to the bottom of the lagoon. It wasn't particularly deep, maybe 15 or 20 feet [4 - 6 meter]. I loved swimming in this lagoon. You could swim without fighting the surf and just relax into the wonderfully soothing bobbing of the water. All too soon we decided to get back to the house. We had to set up the darkroom and I had to get a bunch of paperwork ready for the next day. Thank god Joseph had a nice little office setup and I could use his copier to run off several dozen copies of the paperwork I needed for the next day. Each paper work package I had was placed into one large manila envelope with a checklist. All of these went into a pair of large boxes and then into the van in the garage.

"Bill! Some guy named 'Sam' is on the phone!"

"OK, Billy. Tell him I will be there in a minute."

I picked up the phone and expected Sam to be screaming at me.

"Bill, what is this fixation you have with naked people?"

"It's a job Sam. I signed on for this one months ago. It's just that they didn't tell me this small detail until I got here."

"Some 'small detail' to leave out. Well you just get all those forms signed. Their lawyer contacted me this afternoon and we talked about it. I don't see any problems."

"Just call my lab and discuss it with them. I talked to them and they want to cover their asses on this one. The last time I did all the lab work myself but this time there is just too many to do that."

"OK. I will first thing in the morning. Be sure to charge them extra for this."

"Already done my friend."

"I got those papers on Billy from Louis. I can have the custody finalized and waiting for your signature in a week."

"Excellent! We should finish here about that time and be home shortly after that."

"Good. Now go make some money."

Billy and I ate dinner in the buff and watched a couple programs I had been missing over the last couple months. He was cuddled next to me all evening and I could not have been happier. Soon I carried my droopy soldier up to his bed and crawled in next to him. I could not get my mind off all those wonderful, naked little boys I had seen this morning. I was getting so horny it hurt. I considered talking to Billy about it but squashed that idea immediately. I wanted to prove to myself and him what we both knew. I drifted off with a raging hardon. I just hoped I wouldn't have a wet dream and make a mess in this bed.

My dreams drifted in and out of the erotic realm. I saw naked boys all around me offering themselves to me and I wanted to take them all to heights of pleasure. I was smothered in a huge bed with a dozen boys all pleasuring me and each other in wild and creative ways. Then I looked up to see one reach down and engulf my puny pecker in his hot mouth. I moaned and nearly came right there as I felt his head bob up and down. I moaned so loud I woke myself up. I realized it wasn't entirely a dream. Billy was between my legs and sucking wonderfully on my manhood. I put my hands on his shoulders and pulled him off me.

"Billy, we don't have to do this." I wanted to so bad I was going insane with lust.

"Shut up and enjoy it!" He giggled as he lowered his head back to my penis. I had no will then. I just let him go to work. He was gentle and loving. He wasn't in any hurry to end his fellatio, even though I had no control over the fact that I was going to cum in moments. His small hands rolled my testicles around gently. I could feel his breath on my pubic hair. His tongue slipped over my head and shaft seeking to release me from the torment of weeks of abstinence. I could feel the orgasm approaching like a freight train and I tried to warn Billy. "Here it comes love!"

He didn't say any thing he just kept bobbing and suckling on me. I exploded inside his mouth and he slurped up every drop I gave him. I could not help but nearly scream in pleasure as he brought me off.

"OHHHHGOD!" I moaned loudly as I fell back to the bed. Billy licked up the few drops he let slip out of his mouth. My erection still remained as hard as ever and waiting for more.

"I wanted to make you feel good, Bill. Are you mad?"

"I am sort of upset." I was too.

"Why?" He sounded concerned.

"You know why! I wasn't ready to do that yet. I still wanted too see."

"I was ready! I tried using my hand on mine but it didn't feel as good. And you wanted to too, so don't say you didn't!"

"I did," I admitted. "But I didn't too. I still don't know yet."

"I do! I know you love me for me. Not that sex stuff. And I want you to do it with me too. It's just that it's been so long that it hurts. I love you. You love me. We know that so lets have some fun to celebrate!"

"I'm still miffed that you didn't ask. But I am glad too. I really needed that love." I hugged him close and could feel his little member poking my tummy.

"I figured you did. You looked like you were going to go crazy at the resort today."

"It was distracting." I admitted. "So what shall we do next?"

"It's my turn!"

I slid my hands down to his, now well tanned, butt and began to massage it slowly and deeply. We kissed long and deep as I began to move his body up and down against mine. His little boner rubbed against my chest and stomach hair slowly. He shivered as waves of pleasure swept his small frame. I slowly picked up the pace and let him relax to enjoy the sensations.

Soon he began to help the rhythm as my arms grew fatigued. We both enjoyed looking into each others face as he approached climax. He almost glowed as he approached his dry orgasm. I wished I could document this for the world to see but I could never do that. He squealed in joy as his tinny testicles tried to release sperm he was not yet producing. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the feeling he was experiencing in his penis. He soon collapsed in my arms grinning up a storm.

"It's so much better when we do it together. Why?"

"I have no idea. I know I can have good ones alone but it is always better with someone."

"I really don't care. I am happy that it is good."

We both looked down to see both of our erections lying next to each other and hard as could be. We looked at one another and grinned wide as we moved ourselves into the classic 69 with him on top of me. Not a word was said as we both went to work to please each other. His penis never tasted sweeter. I licked and sucked with everything I knew would bring him to nirvana. I wanted him to feel as loved as I did at that moment. I am sure he was trying as hard to make me as happy as he could. I wanted to tell him I would love him if he never touched my penis again in his life. But I knew he loved to give me pleasure. Also he was addicted to sperm. Or at least that was what it seemed to me.

The next morning we awoke in a tangle of sheets, arms and legs. It took us both a while to wake up and get to the shower. I tossed our bedding in the wash. We certainly did make a mess of it last night. We ate a quick breakfast and packed a cold lunch. I wasn't sure if they had a cafeteria or not at the resort. I had not paid as much attention as I should have the day before.

I dressed in my bdu's and had Billy put on his speedos under his denim shorts. He wore a tank top and his sneakers, and we were on our way to work. We didn't look as professional as I would have likes but the days were getting very hot and I wanted Billy to be as comfortable as possible. I decided on the outfit I was wearing because it allowed me to carry most of my filters and cameras, lenses, meters and such on my person. This eliminated the need for more than a couple small bags of other gear. I knew Billy would be willing to help me but I wanted to free him up for some play time if he wanted it.

We arrived before the resort had really gotten busy. I was happy to hand the two boxes to the girl that was to help me. She would be in charge of getting everything signed by the clients and she was even a notary that would notarize everything on the spot. I chose a good spot outside to set up the backdrops and lighting. I wanted to be near the pool, but outside splashing range, next to the grass but also close to the beach. This offered us the most variety in scenes without me lugging all my gear all over the place for each shot.

Billy was still blushing a lot around the ladies and girls. He nearly died when one girl his age came up and asked when he was getting naked. I could tell he liked her, but he was very self conscious near her. Soon after ten in the morning I started shooting naked families. Most wanted clothed portraits as well as nudes. I had no trouble with that. I checked each package of paperwork as they came through. Julie was very efficient at making sure the paperwork was in order. I didn't have to send one family back to get anything corrected. As a result everything went smoothly. I wasn't rushed and we joked and teased with the clients as the day rolled on.

It turned out that Joseph had talked with the resort members and worked up a schedule for their portraits. He allowed a bit more time than I would have for each but it allowed me to shoot leisurely and make a day of it. I had released Billy to go play with some other kids after lunch. He was having fun helping pose the families and doing the little things for me but it was all unnecessary. I liked having him around, but he needed some play time.

I was shooting about three families an hour. A good pace for me. I hated to rush my clients and myself. I did find myself wanting to shoot the cute boys a bit more than the others. I quelled that urge. It would look bad for me to be shooting a couple rolls of film of one boy when I took only one of the entire family. By the end of the day I was bushed. The entire day was leisurely paced but I still was working. I had three dozen rolls of film in my bag and twenty envelopes of paperwork. Billy was in his speedos and carrying his other clothes back to the van. He had been swimming for the last couple hours and was bushed.

We got back to the house and I called for pizza. I wanted to look over the paperwork for the families. I had snapped Polaroid's of each family and each individual to put into each package. It would help me if there were some confusion to occur. I was looking to see if a few particularly good looking people I wanted in my portfolio had signed the releases to allow me to use their images. I was happy to see that many had and some of those were boys. I intended to make the most out of this opportunity. If I did well here I could shoot for doing this for many clothing optional clubs. Joseph told me that many had trouble finding good, reputable people to shoot their members.

The next day went as well as the prior day. Again I let Billy go after lunch and he took off with some of his new friends. I was glad he had playmates. He couldn't spend all of his time with me. I was really beginning to like this job. It seemed that these people also had money. They weren't rich, but they were well off. I hoped to see a good profit in this job. I expected each family would purchase about $ 50 in portraits. I hoped for more but from past experience I expected fifty. At the time of the sitting I required a $15 sitting fee. This was to cover my immediate expenses. Since no single person had hired me I could not expect a deposit so I had to make up my money somehow. I knew several would do the sitting and then not take any portraits. That always happened in big groups. This normally would be about eight to ten dollars, but this was a special case that required a lot of paperwork and legal hassles. Only a few complained about the sitting fee's but they all paid it.

I was shooting a large family, eight people, with all boys. I was in heaven. Two sets of twins and one almost teen and one baby boy. The twins were 6 and 8. We were on the beach when a group of kids came running past my back when I heard "Hi Dad!" It was Billy's voice. I turned to see his wonderful boy butt running across the sand with about seven other boys and girls. I was amazed. I wondered who conned him out of his clothes. I shook my head and smiled at the boy. Then I went back to shooting the family.

I had finished the second day and prepared the film for shipping to my labs. Billy was lying on his belly watching a sitcom from the floor. His rear end pointing up at me.

"I noticed you decided to go natural this afternoon, Billy."

"What?"

"Naked. When you came running by?"

"Oh yea. Kelly talked me into it."

"And Kelly is 3;?"

"She's a friend."

"So you have a girl friend?"

"NO! She's not my girl friend! She's a friend, who is a girl." He looked at me like he just stepped on his tail.

"Don't worry! I know what you mean! So what made you decide to go nude?"

"Well, I was feeling strange being the only one with clothes on. I was kinda embarrassed. And Kelly told me that I would feel better if I took off my swim suit. I figured everyone else was and they weren't embarrassed. So I did. After a little bit I didn't even notice."

"Did any problems come up?" I asked."

"Up?"

"Yea UP."

"OH THAT. Not for me but Jimmy got a stiffy and no one cared."

"That's good."

"Are you going to get naked?"

"I don't think so. I have to work."

"OH. OK."

We slept together and watched the rain fall outside. I was glad I kept an eye on the weather. I had packed my gear into the resort each night in case but was considering just leaving it out today. I was bushed. The next morning I woke to a warm feeling surrounding my morning erection. I looked under the covers to find Billy had taken my stiff dick between his legs and he held the exposed head in both hands as he slept. I considered the possibilities but decided not to. I thought he would react badly if I started to thigh fuck him. It was a lot like getting it from behind. So I relaxed and enjoyed the sensations. We hadn't done anything the last couple nights so I was ready but I knew I could go without.

"Wake up lover." I whispered into his ear. He woke up slowly. I could feel him squeeze me between his legs and with his hands. I didn't mention it. He soon relaxed his grip and rolled over.

"Morning." He mumbled as he stretched.

"Wanna shower with me this morning?" I asked as my hand roamed up his inner thigh to his privates. He was hard too. He grinned and nodded enthusiastically at me as I stroked him up and down.

"Good. But I want to make sure your all the way awake."

I bent my head to his penis and sucked it in. He was more than ready. He only took a couple minutes to reach orgasm and then we went to the shower. He was still a bit groggy, but he waking up fast. In the shower I leisurely soaped him up from head to toe. The last thing I soaped was his little penis that was pointing to the sky. I slid my hand up and down his shaft lovingly. The soap made his skin slippery to the point of being nearly frictionless and he loved every moment of it. Soon he was bucking his hips into my hand in time with my stroking climbing to a new orgasm. It must be good to have his recovery time. I was still hard as a stone but untouched. He giggled and moaned to another orgasm as my hand flew over his boner.

"Was that good?" I asked his quivering form in my arms.

"Ya! It was real good Bill!"

I carefully rinsed him off and began to soap myself up when he took over. He didn't waste any time. He went straight for my erection. With his soapy hands he teased me nearly to orgasm a couple times before soaping the rest of me up and then back to my manhood. I wanted to orgasm as soon as possible but he teased me to near insanity. Each time I came close he would slow down or stop until I the orgasm passed without release. He giggled at my torment as he nearly brought me off for the sixth time. Then he looked up into my eyes and started jerking me off with vigor. I leaned against the wall and waited for him to make me cum. I was nearly insane with lust and he kept playing games with me. Soon he bent his head and took the head of my small penis into his mouth and continued stroking with his hands in a two fisted motion. I closed my eyes and spewed into his hungry mouth as he hammered me to release. I was in heaven. I just kept shooting and he kept sucking the juice from me. Soon I slid to the floor in a wonderful afterglow. Billy climbed into my lap and hugged me tight as we both relaxed in the hot water.

"I still like the taste of your stuff best."

"I'm glad to hear that. But doesn't it all taste the same?"

"No. Those guys and kids I sucked all tasted different. The ones that were dirty and nasty tasted yucky. The ones that were clean tasted OK. The older boys who can make stuff I liked to suck. Theirs tasted good. Not as good as yours but good. Some men's stuff was nasty and I wanted to puke just smelling them. A couple smelled like they never washed. One boy was nice to me. He taught me what to do to make my sucking better. He said Jamal had him for a long time and he had to learn all that stuff too. He even sucked me a couple times to show what to do. Jamal called him a lot of nasty names. Jamal said he was a fag cause he sucked me. He called me a fag 'cause I sucked dicks. He made me do it. Am I a fag?"

"I don't know if you are gay. Does it matter?"

"Yes. How will I know?"

"If you want to have sex with guys only and find the thought of sex with a girl nasty then you are gay. If you like both then you are what is called bi-sexual. It means you like to have sex with either. If you only want to have sex with girls and that is what you like and not with boys then you are heterosexual."

"Are you bi-sexual?" He tried very hard to pronounce it correctly.

"Sort of. I like sex with women and boys only. Girls and men don't interest me."

"I like to have sex with you. Does that make me gay?"

"Honey. What we do is fun. Don't dwell on whether you are gay or not. When you get to be a teenager then you can look at what you like and don't and that will tell you if or not. Just remember, it is not a matter of choice. I can't 'choose' to not like boys any more than a normal man can 'choose' to want sex with another man. If you are, you are. If not then you are not. Either way I don't care. I love you and not whether you are gay or straight or if you like to do it with watermelons." He giggled at me.

"I just want to know."

"I can understand that. Just don't rush it. Wait and see."

We got to the resort and continued our work. I was hoping the lab could get those pictures back to me soon. It would take a week to get each set back and I was eager to make some sales. Billy spent most of the day nude and loving every minute of it. I spent the day shooting naked people and loving every minute of it.

All too soon our week was up and all the members had been shot. I called the lab and they told me the first batches of proofs would be there the next day by Fed Ex. I informed the members and set up times for their viewing and ordering. The next day Billy had a blast going skin diving with the other kids in the lagoon. Some of the resort employees took them to the lagoon to teach them and keep them out of our hair. I was pleasantly surprised to see that the average order was for about seventy-five dollars, rather than the fifty I normally could count on. Many ordered less and many much more. But the average was 75.

Joe was going to be happier than a fly on a cow turd. I spent the next few days selling the people their pictures. Billy knew we would have to go soon so he was telling his friends good-bye a couple days before we were even packed.

The day we left we said good-bye to all out new friends and hit the road. I wanted to go back to San Diego to make funeral arrangements for Billy's mom. We discussed it at David's place and he knew it would have to be done. Officer Mary told me that her body still had not been released by the coroner. He was having trouble finding out what killed her. He was sure it was some sort of poison but he could not identify it. They wanted to be sure to have a positive identification of the toxin before they took Jamal to trial. We unloaded into Shelly' apartment again. Most of my gear stayed in the van and we took only the most expensive stuff up. We decided to relax for the next couple days. For some reason I was feeling edgy. Like something was wrong. I simply could not shake it. It nearly drove me to distraction and was making me mad. Billy saw it too but knew he could not help. That night I decided a good nights sleep would help.

"Let's get to sleep early Billy. Maybe that will help this feeling."

"I know something that will help!"

"Thanks for the thought Billy, but I don't think that would be good right now."

"Awwww. All right."

We climbed into bed together. Billy in his Marvin the Martian underpants and me in my sweats. I had checked each door and window twice and set the alarms that were hooked to each. Nothing would get in here without us knowing. I even hung my dream catcher above the bed. But I still felt uneasy.

Late that night I felt the bed shift. I was in a light doze and came to alert status immediately. The springs sank lower than they should have if Billy had moved. And I know he didn't because he was still snug in my arms. I cracked an eyelid and saw a dark form crawling into the bed with us. I launched myself at it and caught it in the midsection bowling us both to the floor. I rolled out of the intruders grasp and flipped to my feet. So did this intruder. I could see he had a lithe form and was quick on his feet. I didn't wait I spun around in a spinning heel kick to his head. He bobbed down out of the way and returned with a powerful straight kick. I blocked it a with a leg and shot out a fist. He almost blocked it and I caught part of his head with a glancing blow. He spun around with a hammer fist that I steppe into to take on the shoulder to gain a good position to kick this fool in the head. I saw enough to know he didn't have enough to take me. He was quick but I could read him like a book. My foot shot up and smacked him in the side of the head with enough force to rattle teeth. I then took his arm and twisted it into a rather uncomfortable position God never intended it to be in. I locked him up and yelled for Billy to call the police. He shot past us to the hallway phone and I could hear him begging the police to hurry.

"Billy! get the light!" I called. He peeked in and hit the light switch.

"OH FUCK!" I screamed as I let go. "Shelly! What the hell are you doing? I nearly killed you!"

"So I noticed." She said with thick sarcasm as she lay on the floor.

"Billy, forget the cops! Tell them to send an ambulance!"

"OW." Was all she said as I helped her up. Blood was seeping from the side of her mouth and I could see her face reddening quickly. "Good kick by the way."

"Screw that! are you OK?"

"Nothing a handful of aspirin and an ice pack won't cure."

I ran to get the ice and an aspirin.

"What the hell were you doing? Your supposed to be in Belgium."

"I got recalled for another job. OW. I was going to surprise you."

"You certainly did that. Now are you certain you are OK?"

"YES DAMNIT! Now who is that that was in my bed with you?" She pointed to Billy still peeking around the corner.

"Well 3;" I didn't know where to start. "Billy, get me a bottle of scotch and a glass out of the kitchen."

"Well at least I know his name."

She was getting impatient. Billy cam running back with a bottle of brandy and a looney toons glass. I poured her a stiff one.

"Drink this."

"Oh fuck. Is it that bad?"

"Depends. Drink up."

"Your SON!?" She nearly screamed. "When did you have a kid?"

I explained the whole thing according to our cover story. She just looked at me as I recounted the story of our time together. Several times she refilled the glass. The police came and went as did the paramedics. The cops though it would be funny to tell me I was going to face domestic battery charges. Shelly and I did not. She about tore them a new hole and they backed down. They still believed I was abusing her even after they took all of out statements.

"Jesus Billy! I can't leave you alone for a minute." She looked at Billy and held out her hand. "Billy, my name is Shelly. This is my home."

"Hello Shelly. I like your home. It's nice. I'm sorry my dad kicked you."

"So am I and so will he be when I finish with him." She looked sideways at me. Right now I am suffering major jet lag and just want to sleep."

"OK. We can take the couch." I said cheerfully.

"Not so fast tiger." I felt like I was going to be fed to the lions.

"You sleep in here."

"I don't wanna be alone!" Billy sounded a bit scared. I think the whole experience shook him up a bit. I looked at Shelly and bent down to kiss her full lips. "Later love. You need sleep now anyway."

"OK. I could not keep my eyes open anyway."

The next day I woke up with Shelly in my arms and Billy in hers. It gave me a warm fuzzy feeling to wake up like that. I carefully woke Billy up and we left her to sleep off her jet lag. We ate breakfast in what we wore the night before and relaxed watching some of her movies on the vcr. About noon she came out for food.

"Billy, just keep a distance. She wakes up bad after these long flights."

He just nodded as I fed her a good breakfast with a lot of coffee. After three cups of black coffee she just held her head in her hands and said. "Tell me that story again Billy. I didn't get it all last night."

I recounted the story again and she just sat there absorbing it all.

"Well shit. I leave for a couple weeks and you have a family without me, lover."

"It wasn't planned. But I won't complain. Billy is the best kid I could hope and pray for." Billy beamed at this.

"Well I'm going to get dressed and we are going shopping. I do my best thinking in the mall."

And we went shopping. Shelly was a bit flustered at the news of me having a boy, but she took it in stride. I was more than happy that she took a liking to Billy. He was still a bit in awe of her, but he liked her too. We actually didn't do much buying. A couple outfits for Shelly and a cute hat for Billy. I abstained from buying anything for myself. I had no needs and didn't want to waste money. Shelly was still a bit off time from the jet lag but she could still see that I was a bit edgy. I didn't shake the feeling from the night before. I almost felt like I was being watched.

"Billy what's wrong?"

"I dunno. I get this feeling of being watched. It's not good."

"Like Phoenix?" She was referring to a bad situation we had in Phoenix. I had a similar experience there and it saved us both.

"Yes." I tried to look like I was not concerned. Billy was having too good a time to be worried.

"Damn. Any ideas?"

"One."

"And that would be?"

"Jamal." I whispered in her ear.

"No. Are you sure?"

"No. But it's the only thing I can think of. All my enemies are long gone."

"Those guys didn't just disappear." She stated "Did they?" She asked not so sure. I didn't answer. She knew I wouldn't talk about that time of my life.

"What can we do?"

"Nothing. Just keep your eyes open. Do you have a gun in the apartment?"

"No. I keep a baseball bat."

"Bummer. We could just leave town."

"If they are following us that wouldn't stop them."

"True. I just hope I'm being paranoid."

"You weren't in Phoenix."

"True."

We went on about our day. I kept an eye out but could not see anything that gave me cause for alarm. If I did it would have been some measure of relief.

Back at the apartment I locked and set the alarms on all the windows and doors again. It was still light out.

"Can't I go out and play?"

"No. I want you inside till I figure out what's wrong Billy."

"That ain't fair!"

"It isn't fair but I don't care. Something is wrong and until I can figure out if it's just me being paranoid or not I want you inside with us. No more arguments."

He argued. I finally yelled at him to go to bed without dinner. I was not happy.

"Billy, it's not his fault."

"I told him to not argue and he did."

"Your upset and taking it out on him."

"Yea, so?"

"It's not like you. He's crying his eyes out in there thinking you hate him."

My heart broke. The last thing I wanted to do was make Billy sad.

"OK. I will talk to him. Give us some time." I went to the bed room.

He was sobbing his heart out into the pillow.

"Baby Bear?"

He ignored me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get mad."

"You don't love me no more!" he sobbed into the pillow.

"That's not true."

"You have Shelly. You don't need me no more!"

"I need you more than air itself."

"Liar!"

"It is the truth. I am feeling bad about something and I took it out on you. That's not right."

"You don't want me any more!"

"Yes I do! Never think anything else."

"If that's true what are you so mad about?"

"I can't say."

"LIAR! Tell me!"

"I can't. I don't even know for sure."

"Bullshit!" He was raging at me.

"Let me explain. I have this funny feeling. Like something bad is going to happen. I don't know what or when. I just get this feeling."

"What makes you think something is gonna happen?" He was still pissed and grilling me.

"One time, a long time ago, Shelly and me were in Phoenix. I got this feeling then. It was weird but I could not let it go. It turns out something really bad happened and because I was so paranoid about this feeling we came through it OK."

"What happened?" He wasn't really believing me.

"We were in a movie and when we left I made her wait in the lobby for a couple minutes while I told her about this feeling. Just as we left the building a car drove up and started shooting guns at everyone. If I had not been looking for something to happen I would not have seen the car before they started shooting. I grabbed Shelly and we dove behind a dumpster. We came out of it OK. But the people around us didn't see the car or the guns."

I paused a moment to take a deep breath. "Two people died. Three went to the hospital. They were the ones behind Shelly and me."

"So this feeling saved you?"

"Sort of. Now do you see why I am so concerned?"

"Yea. But why did you get mad at me?"

"Because you disobeyed me and argued with me."

"Oh."

"Normally I wouldn't ask you to stay inside like this. If I ask you to do something like this it is because I have good reasons. You might not see it or understand, so I have to ask you to trust me."

"OK. I'm sorry. It's just that you have been so 3; Such a 3; DARN IT! Just so not nice to be around today I wanted to go outside to play some!"

"I can understand that Kiddo. Let's go eat."

We had dinner together and Billy asked Shelly to recount her version of the incident in Phoenix. She went into much more detail than I did and she was a bit more flamboyant about it. She always was a good story teller. Billy was still a bit tense and so was I. When we went to bed we all crawled into the big bed together and I laid the baseball bat next to us.

I could not sleep. The feeling would not go away. The night was deadly quiet. At three in the morning it should be quiet. But not this quiet. I could hear Billy breathing lightly. The water dripping outside. The breeze coming from the air ducts. A squeaky step. I came out of the bed like a shot.

"Bill." I motioned for Shelly to be quiet. Billy was sitting up with the phone clutched to his little chest. 'Squeak' I heard her front step whisper. I pointed at Billy and he dialed the phone. Shelly grabbed the bat. I moved to the front room. 'Squeak' I knew there were at least three on the front step. Billy was whispering desperately into the phone nearing breakdown. Shelly was right behind me with the bat at the ready. I knew the alarms were set and reached to hit the panic button. CRASH! The front door came open and the alarm went off. The thug in front of me had a gun in hand and was sweeping it toward me. I snapped my foot out with a snapping crescent kick that threw the gun across the room.

"Down!" Shelly yelled. I dropped to a crouch. Shelly swung the bat over my head in a strong two handed swing. I heard a sickening crunch/splat as the bat made contact with his skull. I leapt high into the air and struck out with my right foot at the man behind the first. My foot caught him in the chest sending him back out the door and over the railing. He screamed as he fell to the pavement below. Another thug replaced the second and tackled me around the waist. I fell back while slamming my elbow into his spine. I felt two vertebrae snap and he collapsed on top of me. Shelly screamed as a fourth tackled her and slammed his fist into her face. Billy was screaming into the phone and I threw the sack of shit off me. I leapt to my feet and punched the thug on top of Shelly in the back of the skull. He went down in a heap. It would be a miracle if he ever woke up. Two others piled on top of me and drug me to the floor. I couldn't get the leverage necessary to move them. They quickly grabbed my arms and held me to the ground.

"Impressive." I heard a voice say as he clapped. "Very impressive. It seems my little pussy boy has found a champion."

I looked up to see Jamal standing over me. "I'll see you roast in hell you sick fuck!" I spat.

"Ah but it will be difficult from your position." He looked around the apartment. "My what a nice place you have. Have you fucked little Billy in all it's rooms yet? I hope so. He has such a nice tight ass, wouldn't you agree?"

"Asshole! I will see your heart before you die!" I bellowed. His foot snapped out and caught me in the side of the face.

"I don't think so. In fact I think you will be dying very soon. And guess what? Billy will return to his closet with me and I'm gonna make sooooo much money off his little ass!"

I struggled to get free. I had to fight to keep emotional control. Anger and fear would doom us. My hands searched for something, anything to use as a weapon. Instead I grasped a thug's crotch. I squeezed and he screamed, letting me go. I felt his testicle pop under the pressure I imposed upon it. It actually popped in my hand like an egg. When he let go I snapped my hand up and grasped the other thug's throat and dug my fingers deep into the flesh of his neck. He gasped and grabbed my hand as my fingers sunk into his throat. I jerked hard and pulled his esophagus free. Blood and spit flew across the room.

"Damn! You are a tough one!" Jamal smiled at me as he advanced across the room at me. I was on my feet and ready as he threw a flurry of punches at me. He was fast. Faster than I was. I let several through to my body as I defended my head and other important targets. I retaliated with a series of strong kicks. I didn't let up. Each side and straight in and a good spinning hook kick. The last got through and caught him hard upside the head. He staggered to the right a couple feet and I took the opportunity to leap up and hit him in the chest with a spinning heel kick. He flew back across the room and crashed into the entertainment center. Rebounding off the electronics, Jamal charged at me like a bull. I met him head-on and we went at it again. I noticed he wasn't as fast as he was a moment ago. I must have hurt him. I hoped I hurt him. He ignored the punches I threw at him and grabbed me and threw me to the floor. I speared him in the throat with a knuckle punch to the adam's apple. It was a glancing blow that failed to make significant contact. He raised both hands high above his head and I saw a large black object in his hands. It was Shelly's Panasonic vcr. I couldn't get my hands up to block the blow. It came down hard on my forehead. Bright lights and pain invaded my world. I couldn't think. I looked up to see Billy on Jamal's shoulders clawing at the huge man's eyes. Jamal peeled Billy off his back and threw him down hard next to me.

"I'm gonna fuck you till you die you little fag pussyboy!"

"Why can't you leave me alone?!" Billy screamed. "Just leave us alone! Go away!"

"'Cause your mine you little whore."

"I'm not a whore. I am a boy. I won't go with you and you won't kill me or my daddy."

"Daddy? You little shit! I'm Your 'daddy' your sugar daddy. I own you!"

"Fuck you." Billy sounded hard. Cold. BLAMN!!!

"YoulittleFUCK! You shot me!"

BLAMNN!!!

"Die damn you Jamal! You aint never gonna hurt me ever again."

BLAMN! BLAMN!! Billy was standing over me holding a gun that looked as big as he was. Tears streamed down his face as he pulled the trigger again and again until the gun snapped instead of exploding.

"FREEZE POLICE! Drop the gun!"

I heard a loud thud next to me.

"It's OK son. Just move over here."

I looked up to see Billy kneeling over me. "Don't die Daddy! Don't leave me Papa Bear!"

I couldn't get two thoughts to stick in my head. There were people all over. Flashing lights. A sting in my arm. A plastic thing down my throat.

I woke up in a hospital. David lay sleeping on the bed next to me. Shelly was asleep in the chair to my right. My head was splitting. Every bone in my body hurt.

"Shelly." I whispered. I reached my hand up to touch her hair.

"Billy?" She looked up and her eyes flashed brilliantly at me. Her smile lit up my world. "David! Billy's awake!"

"Good goddamn man you gave us a scare!"

I looked at the man that saved Billy's life. He was a blessing to see.

"Billy? Is he OK?" I croaked.

"He's fine! Elizabeth is with him and the boys right now. How do you feel?"

"What the hell hit me? I remember Jamal and the fight but not much else."

"Of the six that broke in two are alive. Jamal hit you in the head with a vcr."

"It certainly feels like he did. Did the cops find Jamal?"

"Yes. It wasn't hard. Billy killed him dead. Shot him four times."

"Good boy."

"Your lucky to be alive. He cracked your skull. You had a hemorrhage into your brain that nearly killed you."

"How long?"

"Four days."

"Four?" Wow.

"Bill, go to sleep. we can talk later. You need rest."

So I went to sleep.

Two whole weeks later I was let out of the hospital and was taken back to David's place. My head itched with the hair growing back. I still could not get up for any more than a few seconds without getting weak and shit. I hate being sick. The neuro-specialists told me something I already knew.

"You have one damned thick skull."

"Tell me something new Doc."

"I really mean it. It's much thicker than the average adults. It saved your life."

I always had a hard head my mom told me. Now I had medical proof :) Back at the house I had three women doting over me. Elizabeth had brought her sister, the nurse that took care of us both invalids, and Shelly. I couldn't sneeze without someone being there to wipe my nose. It only took a few days to get annoyed with it. Billy seemed more distant and quiet than I was comfortable with. He shied away from me. I could not get him to hug or cuddle. He would sit there like a lump. He wouldn't play with the brothers. He never smiled. Everything he had to say was quiet and to the point. He refused to sleep in the same room as me, much less with me. He even kept all of his clothes on. At times wearing so much it seemed like he was trying to block us from having to look at him. I cornered him one day in the kitchen.

"Billy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Something. Tell me. Ever since the apartment you have been distant. I want to know what's happening to make you sad."

"NOTHING! Now let me go!" I had his arm and would not let him get past me. He didn't try hard or he would have broken free. I couldn't hold my breath much less a determined boy.

"No. Tell me what's making you so sad."

He looked like he was mad at everything in the world. It meant he was pissed at himself. We stared into each others eyes. Neither blinked. I could see fear and pain in those 'too old for his years' eyes. I remembered something my mom had told me a doctor did when she lost her first child to sids. I reached out and slapped him in the face. I know it wasn't hard. I lacked the strength to hold a pencil for too long much less hurt him. I got the desired effect. He broke down and flung himself in my arms. I let him sob for a few minutes before asking him, "What are you mad at Baby Bear?"

"Me!"

"Why?"

"'Cause I'm just like him!"

"Who?"

"Jamal!"

"No you aren't."

"Yes I am! I killed him and I'm just like him!"

"Back up some! Why does your shooting him make you like him?"

"'Cause you said if I killed him it would make me just like him." He was staring at the floor and away from me. He was ashamed.

"Baby Bear," I took his head and turned him to face me. "Look at me."

He slowly turned his tear stained eye to mine.

"I never said that. What I said was we could not go looking for him too kill because it would make us as bad as he was. We didn't go looking for him. In fact we wanted to get away from him. He found us . He tried to kill us out of pure mean and a desire to hurt you." I looked deep into his tortured soul.

"You killed him defending me. Not cause you wanted to hurt him. Because you wanted to stop him from hurting me and Shelly. I don't remember much of that night, but the last couple minutes I remember clearly. Do you want to know what I remember?"

He tried to look away but I forced his face back to mine.

"I remember my son standing over me. I remember my son telling that monster to go away. I remember my son giving that stupid fucking monster a chance to leave and live. I remember you, my son, giving Jamal a choice he never gave you. I remember my son being strong where I failed. You protected me when I failed to. I promised to keep you safe from Jamal. You kept me safe. You saved both me and Shelly. you are my little hero Baby Bear."

The tears in his eyes flowed in rivers as I spoke. He was just now realizing I loved him despite what happened. He was realizing he wasn't as bad as he thought. We sat in a wheel chair in the middle of the kitchen crying in each others arms. I could see shadows of those behind me on the floor. They were kind enough to leave quietly and let us have our peace. Billy spent the rest of the day in the garden alone. He wanted to be alone. I watched from the patio. He cried to God and the angels above and he sat like a statue. He walked, paced and kicked at the flowers. He raged at the sun and stars. He sobbed to exhaustion on the grass. I watched it all feeling impotent to help his pain. I was trying to go to sleep without the pill David ordered me to take. It lay on the table next to me. I heard a light knocking on my door.

"Come in Billy."

A little white head peeked in around the door.

"Can I come in?"

"Of course love."

He shuffled up to my bed and sat on the edge. "Ummm. If I can 3; May I 3; I want."

"Yes you can sleep with me tonight." I smiled at him. He was so cute when he was cute. He was in his pajamas and he just looked at me with a question on his lips.

"Should I 3; Do you want me to 3; Maybe I should 3;"

"Wear what you want. I don't care what your dressed in. I just want to cuddle the hell out of you Baby Bear."

I had removed all my clothes before I got into bed. I did not want him to feel uncomfortable by making him dress or undress in any way other than whatever way he wanted to.

"Can I sleep naked?"

"Of course! If that is the way you want. If you want me to I can put on my sweats."

"No! I don't want anything between us." He stripped off his top and shucked his pants before I could say anything more. He was as beautiful as I remembered. The moonlight streamed in and gave him an unearthly beauty that made him look more like an angel than I could imagine. This boy before me was proof positive that God did indeed exist. He carefully climbed into bed with me and we cuddled ourselves to sleep.

The next few months were difficult. I had suffered some brain damage to my voluntary nervous system. I had to endure hours of rehab every day to overcome it. The going was slow to say the least but the prognosis was for a full recovery. David refused to let me go home till I was completely better and strong again.

The bad news was that my apartment building went up in flames so I had no home to go to. The good news was that my attorney recovered all of my fire safes with all of my important papers in them. Other bad news was I lost the lease on my studio. Other good news was I secured a letter of intent to lease another in the area that David lived in. Other bad news was I had no place to live out here. Other good news was that David rented me and Billy guest room as an apartment until I could get one of my own. Still more good news <ha ha, fooled ya!> was that the undeveloped property behind David's immediate neighbor was going up for tax lien sale. I got it for all of $36,000. It wasn't much but it bordered David's place and he co-signed the loan for me. I still didn't have a house but if the next year went well I could finance the construction.

I got Billy into a good therapist. It was a risk but he needed it and he knew what to talk about. The therapist saw Billy for all of six weeks and told me he was OK and to have him come back once a year to keep track. I had his birth certificate in hand and the original document had the fathers name left blank. My attorneys, yes both Louis and Sam, fought the bullshit to get my name on it. I was strangely relieved yet depressed that Billy had no known living relatives. It would secure my parenthood of this little bundle of love without fear of an ugly custody battle.

All of my summer clients had heard on the news of the incident at Shelly's place. Soon they had all of their friends booking shoots with me. Some even before I was out of the hospital. Shelly had suffered a fractured jaw and eye orbit in the assault. She recovered quickly and her insurance was quick to pay the bills considering my attorneys called them about the details even before I had woke up. The brothers were happier than ducks in water to have the third musketeer go to their private school. It was very quick to get around what had happened. It was equally quick to get around that these three would stand together against all takers if anybody picked on one of them. I spent several hours a day getting to know Elizabeth and her sister. David was right. The whole family was loony.

I stood on our land surveying the spot that would hold our home. Billy stood next to me and we watched the sun set. I decided to put the patio on the west side so we could watch the sunset every night.

"Daddy?"

"Yes Baby Bear?"

"I just thought of something."

"What is that?"

"Ever since the shooting, we sleep together naked but never do anything."

"I noticed."

"Why not?"

"I think our relationship has grown past the need for those things."

"You mean we can't do it any more?"

"No. I just mean that it isn't the important thing any more. We both were so worried about it before. If it was why we were together or not. Now we know. We love each other without sex."

"Do you miss it?"

"Some. But I love to cuddle you more."

"I like to cuddle too! But I miss the games we played."

"Do you want to have sex again?"

"YEA! Can we?"

"How about dinner and a movie tonight? Then we can come home and enjoy ourselves. Everyone is out to the coast for the night."

We went to see a movie of some sort. I can't remember which one it was. Then I took him to a good Chinese restaurant. He had been practicing with the chopsticks and made a good showing while eating with them. I laid him on our bed. He was wearing a silk shirt and pleated pants. We kicked off our shoes at the door. I stroked his arms and shoulders gently as I unbuttoned his shirt 3; 3; 3; 3;

OK. Use your imaginations from here! :)

That's it folks. There is no more to this story at this time (16 November 1997). I reserve the right to continue the story but have no intention to at this time. Keep your eyes peeled for more stories by me. I hope you enjoyed the preceeding.

The End