I guess it might have been kinder to stick a knife in her heart and keep twisting. Still it’s a hard call to make. I liked Amy, I really did. And once she told me about her feelings for me and I told her how I didn’t feel the same, I asked if she wanted to cut off contact, at least for awhile till she found someone knew. But she didn’t. So we continued to be friends even though I knew it must have been difficult.
Don’t get me wrong. Amy’s a great person. A loyal friend, funny, smart and sardonic enough that I could overlook the fact she’s genuinely a nice person. See I’m a misanthrope. If someone doesn’t hate at least 7 out of every ten people they meet we’re just not going to get along. So that excludes most nice people from my circle of friends. Being a misanthrope tends to exclude a number as well. Girls date me mostly for looks.
But Amy, well she’s plain, with big soft curves and great eyes but still plain. And I like my girls top heavy and pretty, brains optional. Hey, I like conversation, but I’ve got friends.
And one of them is Amy. So I called her when I finished teaching my classes and she invited me over to a late dinner.
“I don’t know, what’s on the menu?” I asked.
“Fried Panda” she deadpanned. I chortled.
“I’ll have seconds” I said.
“It’s not panda.”
“Then I’m out.”
“Wierdo”
“You rang?”
“Look, it’s free food. Haven’t you ever heard the saying about gift horses and mouths?”
“It’s my mouth I’m concerned about. You’re probably making something from one of those third world countries like India or Japan. Jardine hates sushi.”
“Look it’s pizza. Is that enough to get your lazy ass over here?”
“It may be lazy but it’s gorgeous.”
“So you’re coming.”
“I’ll be there, anything else depends on you?”
I could hear her blushing as she hung up the phone. Sure it was flirting, but I can’t help it, flirting’s fun.
So I stopped off at the gym, did a light workout and headed to her place. She gave me a big hug when I came over and pressed herself tight against me. I didn’t mind, like I mentioned she’s got nice soft curves. I’d have liked to have given her what she wanted but I just didn’t feel that way. I knew she didn’t want charity sex either. I knew because I’d asked her. Hell if it was me I’d take charity sex, but I’ve learned other people think differently.
“So what’s new?” she asked.
“I rolled with some Capoera guy at the apartment yesterday.”
“Rolled as in you fought him submission style?”
“Yeah, hey you’re really picking up the lingo.”
“And some of the moves, this girl started some shit with me the other day, got in my face and I swept her to the ground and applied the wrist lock you showed me.”
“How badly did you fuck up her arm?”
”I didn’t, just applied enough pressure to immobilize it, didn’t even really hurt her. But she hasn’t said boo to a sheep for the last week.”
“Outstanding.” I enthused. And meant it, I’d been teaching her some self defense hoping it would help her become more assertive. It seemed to be working.
“So what’s Capoera?” she asked.
“It’s some break dance martial art with a lot of spinning.”
“Did he kick your ass?”
“Na’ah, I tapped him. But it took me awhile and he impressed me with his moves. I thought it was just a bunch of spinning around but he was really fluid.”
“Was that respect for someone else I’m hearing?”
”I take the fifth.”
“They’re going to kick you out of the misanthrope’s club.”
“Getting kicked out is the only criterion for joining.”
“You make my brain hurt.”
“It’s a gift” I said and smiled. Like I said, I really enjoyed talking to Amy.
She pulled the pizza out of the oven and we ate. Dinner was the usual, with wine and banter. She asked me if I had class or work in the morning and I didn’t. She didn’t either so she broke out the bottle of Hypnotiq our new favourite liqueur. It’s a vodka cocktail and great with Orange juice. It’s 30 bucks a bottle but we both teach and tutor on the side so we’re not as broke as the average graduate student.
She’s going for her judis doctorate so she at least will have money at some point. I’m going for a masters in math so I’ll probably always be broke unless I sell my soul and go into computers.
So we drank and I got careless and started talking about the new girl I was dating. She’s Asian, pretty and slender. I noticed she was laughing at my jokes and playing with her hair while I was teaching one day. So I asked her out and she said yes. This was a couple of weeks ago and though there’d been no serious lovings fun had been had.
Like I said earlier, it probably would have been kinder to just stab her in the heart but I hadn’t been thinking, just drinking and talking with a good friend. And I was in that stage of the relationship where you just want to tell the whole world how happy you are.
I saw the pain in her face after a minute or two and shut the hell up but I knew I’d done damage. I apologized but she put me off and told me she was fine. I knew that was bullshit but she wouldn’t let down her walls so I let it pass.
We talked about nothing much for awhile and I was going to go when she offered me a back rub. I’m a sucker for a good back rub and I laid face down on her bed while she got out the oil. She let a few drops fall on my back and I shivered as the cold liquid hit my spine. Then she rubbed some onto her hands, rubbed her hands together to warm up the oil and then pressed her hands up and down my back to work the oil in.
She began with my shoulders and neck, kneading the muscles with her strong hands. It felt great and I could feel weeks worth of tension dissolving beneath her touch. She worked her way lower, working out knots along the way.
I don’t know when she started talking to me as she worked on my back, I wasn’t paying much attention to anything as I go into a zone when I get a good back rub. But I noticed after about ten minutes that she was speaking.
I concentrated on her words and realized she was just trying to help me relax.
“That’s it baby” she said “just relax. Let the oil work it’s way into your skin, my hands pressing into your muscles, rubbing out the tension.”
She was speaking low and it had the effect of making her voice much throatier and sexier. And there was a sing song quality to it, just a touch that made it pleasant to listen to and lightly thrilled my lower parts. A sexy voice is one of my favourite qualities.
She started then to run her fingers lightly over my back. The touch of her hands over the oil was a delicious sensation and sent shivers along my spine. I felt my flesh quicken as I grew excited.
“It’s okay baby, I’ve got you” she whispered “I’ve got you.”
And I let myself relax. I felt like I was slipping away. A balloon tied to a stake, drifting, held in place only by a thin piece of string. And if the string was cut I would just float, float up into the air.
“I’ve got you sweetheart. It’s okay. Just let yourself go. Drift. Fall. Follow my voice as it takes you down, falling, falling. Imagine the ground opening up and you’re drifting down, down. Nothing holding you up so you just fall. Fall for me. You want to fall for me don’t you.”
I didn’t know what to make of what was going on. I did feel like I was falling. And it was so nice to just listen to her voice. So low, so sexy and so comforting. It was nice and relaxing. But I wasn’t comfortable with what she was saying, fall for her? What did that mean?
“It’s okay baby. Don’t worry. I’ve got you. Don’t bother thinking. There’s no need for you to think. Just relax.”
“But…” I started to protest.
“Ssshhh.” She said. “Sshhh.” I’ve got you baby. Just relax. I’ve got you. Just let go. Listen to my voice, you like the sound of my voice don’t you?”
I nodded.
”Good. You’re doing so well, baby. You’re doing great. Just letting go for me. Falling for me. Falling faster and faster. You like to listen to my voice. Enjoy letting me tell you what to think. It feels so good when you just agree with me. You want to agree with me don’t you?”
I nodded again.
“Good” she said. And I tingled all over. “That’s right. You want to agree with me. You want to let me think for you. You want to obey. You love the sound of my voice and you love to obey my voice. Obey my words. That’s it. Just let yourself go. Surrender to me, surrender to my voice. Obey.
I felt myself surrendering to her, the way you surrender to a daytime nap. Your eyes are so heavy and thinking just stops and you fall into sleep. It’s a great feeling and so was this. I felt sunshine heavy and let myself go.
I woke up eventually and couldn’t remember much of the backrub. It must have been nice because I felt completely loose and limber. It’s a wonderful feeling, like a huge weight was gone without that accumulated tension.
I looked around but I didn’t see Amy. Then she came out of her bedroom wearing a different shirt then I remembered. This one was pink and she usually shied away from bright colors. It was low cut and my eyes were drawn to her full breasts. She was wearing a skirt too, and I admired the glimpses of thigh I was afforded. I realized somehow that she didn’t normally affect me like this but sometimes a backrub amps up my libido.
I gave her a big hug and I think she could feel my excitement.
“How ya doing baby?”
“I feel great. Thanks for the backrub.”
”My pleasure baby” she said with a funny little smile.
“Well I know how much you love to touch me” I teased.
“You know it sweetheart” she said without blushing.
I was surprised at than and surprised to realize I was having a little trouble focusing on her words though, her voice kept distracting me and giving me light goosebumps along the back of my neck. Especially when she said baby or sweetheart.
She came over and trailed her fingers along the side of my neck. It was a very intimate touch and normally I would have drawn away from her, but I didn’t. I thought about it but my body didn’t react. And her touch felt so light and perfect. I wondered why my girlfriend’s touch didn’t feel like that. But it did didn’t it?
I was feeling a little confused, like two different memories that wouldn’t match up right
“That feels good doesn’t it baby?”
Of course it felt good.
“You like when I touch you?”
I nodded.
“Better than your girlfriend’s touch, right?”
I nodded.
“Good baby, you’re dong so well. So you’d rather I touch you than her right?”
That seemed to make sense but didn’t seem right somehow. She tilted my chin to look at her and I fell into her eyes. They were green tonight, and deep. And I just kept falling into them. Losing myself in her eyes I felt myself stiffen. I wanted her.
She smiled a very knowing smile then, and I wanted her even more. I had to have her. I took her shoulders and pulled her into me for a kiss. Except she shrugged off my hands in a move I’d shown her.
“Not yet” she said.
I gaped at her. Not yet. But she’d wanted me for a long time.
My thoughts mush have shown on my face because she said “You’ve refused me for a long time. So it only seems right that I refuse you for awhile, right?”
That made sense so I agreed.
“And you’d love to rub my feet for me wouldn’t you?” She asked as she sat down on her soft and kicked off her shoes.
I realized I wanted to rub her feet more than anything.
“Only I think I’m out of oil and you wouldn’t want to rub my feet without some kind of lubricant right?”
Of course, her feet were delicate and needed something to keep them soft.
“So you’ll have to lick them before you rub them right?”
That jarred me at first. I wasn’t going to lick anyone’s feet. That’s disgusting. But I thought, if I didn’t then she wouldn’t let me rub her feet. And I needed to rub her feet. It was a need burning inside me. I had to. And I wanted to make her feel good. My eyes lifted from her feet for a second and I saw down her blouse to her deep cleavage. Those perfect breasts, and above them I knew such beautiful eyes. Of course I would lick her feet. It was only appropriate that I kneel before her and render her homage. She was my mistress and I her slave.
I wasn’t ready to kiss her lips. That much grace would burn me. I would work my way up to that privilege. It was kinder thus.