I couldn’t believe I was here.
I felt so horrible.
It’s come to this.
Every bone in my body ached.
I was so tired, bone-tired, I felt on the verge of collapse. I was so spent.
Weak. I felt fragile. About to shatter.
My eyes started to close and I forced them open.
You would never know this was a Doctor’s office, I thought, trying to make small talk with myself to stay awake.
I hurt. I really hurt. Every muscle and part of me ached from no rest. Ached to just crash. Couldn’t. How awful I felt. All over. Why?
A psychiatrist, no less.
A shrink.
Wow.
Things have crumbled fast.
It was a beautiful Victorian-era mansion in a part of town where those big beautiful old homes had been turned into offices. Bakeries. Restaurants. Lawyers. Caterers.
All far back and off the street. Discreet stately ex-homes. Trees everywhere.
I sat in a big straight-backed chair that a King may have used a hundred years ago. Big velvet drapes on cut windows, striking paintings and thick carpets and rugs. All shining gleaming oak and mahogany. Nice.
Business was good for Eve, I thought. A palace. Are all of Lydia’s friends and associates rich but me, I thought? Amusing myself while sitting here hating this.
Only a small plaque—“Dr Eve Carr”—on a huge heavy door had told me I was in the right place. The car service knew where to take me, I couldn’t possibly drive and Tom my husband was with my folks waiting at home for me. Driver waiting for me outside until I’m ready.
I thought about that….drifted.
Thought about Lydia arranging the car service.
How concerned she had been when I’d told her!
Told her about the insomnia.
The Nightmares.
The freaking out.
Called me six more times immediately, after I hadn’t talked to her in at least eight months.
Suddenly calling and calling, asking questions over and over about what I was feeling and doing.
She’d even called Tom my husband, Francesca my junior partner and VP, now in charge of the office while I’m “away”—away like to an insane asylum.
And even called my folks and family, hey she knows everybody. People care you know? What a friend she is!
Insisting to all of them I needed to come here and be…I don’t know, cured by a shrink for God’s sake!
I went. I’m here.
I tried to calm myself and not dwell on how things had gone downhill.
Thought about how I should call into my office, I mean I own the place, had I called this week? I hadn’t been in, in what? Two weeks? Three?
So what.
I was useless there anyway. I found myself snoozing a bunch of times right at my desk! I didn’t want to be there.
Franny was on it. Ever since I’d given her a lot more authority and a huge raise and a piece of the billings several months ago for work she’d done on a key account, from a sick bed, no less—hey she deserved it, what a worker—it was easier to stay away.
Flipping into…insanity? What an ugly word. I was really scared.
Many, many weeks since the Nightmare began…the damned Nightmare….
And suddenly someone was shaking me.
My shoulder.
I’d fallen asleep!
“Jennifer?” she said, concerned. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, yes sorry….” I pushed myself out of it, vaguely embarrassed and hating this…this tiredness.
“Yvonne. Remember? I’m Eve’s assistant, Yvonne. I’ll get you some coffee,” she said, smiling to reassure me. Concerned and efficient.
I smiled back. Jeez I’d fallen asleep! I only hope this Doctor can help me. The other Doctors hadn’t. All they do is guess and hope they get it right with pills.
Lydia had said absolutely. Go to this one.
She’d insisted I come here to cure my insomnia and creeping paranoia. Had called everyone and me over and over until I came here.
Insomnia for months, hideous dreams. You SHOULD be concerned my beautiful friend! What the hell’s HAPPENING to me?
She gently put the cup in my hand.
Yvonne again.
I snapped out of it. I took it and sipped, she held the cup to make sure I didn’t drop it. So young. Sweet.
“It’s insomnia you’re here for, Jennifer? We can help, you know. “
I smiled, weary.
“Thanks Yvonne. Thank you I hope you can.”
I’d been living on coffee all day every day and sleeping pills all night every night for months. Had more coffee in me than blood.
She flashed a bright white smile. I suddenly noticed how deep and luminous her blue eyes were.
Deep, rich, glowing deep blue. Not a shade you see every day. Deeper.
The only other person I know with eyes that color is Lydia, I thought vaguely.
So deeply rich in their blue-tinged light.
“Jennifer please sign these waiver forms and then Eve will see you okay?” She handed me a clip board and fine thin gold pen.
I stopped looking at her and looked down at the papers.
She squeezed my hand. “It really will be okay.”
“I know. Thanks.”
She was very pretty. Young. Twenties.
I liked her dark blonde hair, darker and shorter than mine which is long and thick and very blonde, liked the way Yvonne’s curls framed the pretty face, classy, she was very slim and athletic-looking in that black very-short skirt and sheer white top and heels. White sheer stockings. Not hose. Class.
Looked like she was going out after work.
I didn’t bother reading, I signed away. Too tired to read, even to simply write or sign my name was a chore. Man ,am I screwed up!
“Okay,” Yvonne said walking back in, taking the forms with a reassuring professional smile.
“Eve is ready to see you, Jennifer.”
I walked into an office that could have belonged to a Supreme Court Justice.
Massive oak pieces, huge windows with red-velvet drapes. Beautiful antiques and period- pieces.
There was a living-room type area with sofas, chairs, shelves. Something that looked like a bicycle helmet on one of the shelves.
And the woman who stood up, from behind an oak desk that was the size of a small aircraft carrier, was certainly also not what I was expecting!
I guess I expected matronly.
The tall beautiful woman who walked over to me with her hand extended was anything but. She was in fact stunning.
“Hi Jennifer,” she said, taking my hand. “Please sit.”
I sat in the straight-backed chair and she went back to her chair.
She was tall, maybe even 6 feet. She was in her mid-Forties according to Lydia but she looked much younger. Perfect figure, strong medium frame, slender and also athletic-looking.
Light-brown hair coiffed beautifully (as in expensive) into a light perm of pretty curls framing a smooth flawless face that reminded me of what an ancient Princess would look like watching a procession below in ancient times. From the throne.
Regal. Naturally lovely.
I’m a clothes hound and couldn’t help but admire the beautiful business suit, tasteful navy skirt and jacket. She had very long, sexy lean legs covered in expensive natural-color stockings. She definitely works out. Probably runs.
What I liked was that she looked professional and tasteful, yet the tailored cut really showed off a fabulous figure, elegant skirt cut several inches above the knee just enough to show off those strong long legs. Simple black heels. Just right.
“Jennifer, thank you for choosing to come here,” she said with a smile.
Pretty.
And….wow.
I suddenly saw.
Same.
Hey, same!
She had the same deep blue luminous eyes I’d noticed on Yvonne.
And Lydia.
Lydia too. Yes.
Eyes that are blue and shimmer in their bright bright aliveness.
I thought about it then dismissed it. Weird though. I love stuff like that. I’d mention it to Lydia.
If I ever got my life back.
I smiled at her. Hard to smile. Hard not to nod out, too.
She was so deeply touched, I could see it in her soft pretty face. She did care. Maybe she can help me? Those eyes positively shine, I thought. Doctors don’t usually look like you, I thought.
“Thank YOU, Doctor. I’m at my wits end, I can’t live like this!”
I said it too loudly, but I didn’t care how desperate I sounded or even pitiful, I needed help!
I pounded my fist on the desk. “I don’t know what to do!”
She put her chin on her laced fingers, looking every bit the psychiatrist.
“I know Jennifer, dear, and please call me Eve” she said, face deeply compassionate and concerned. Staring at me.
Like staring through me while she was thinking a second. Summoning wisdom. So compelling and strong, I was feeling very good with her here, sitting with her here.
“As you know Jennifer, Lydia has been a colleague and friend of mine for many years. We share sessions on therapies in many professional gatherings and the like. Have even vacationed together too in the distant past.”
She smiled at that. Paused. Folded her hands.
“And she told me a lot about you,” she said.
She smiled.
“Your friendship. Your college days together. The business relationship you share along with your long friendship. Your background. You’re…dilemma.”
She paused again, but briefly.
”So we can skip the preliminaries.”
She laced her fingers in front of her.
“Why are you here, dear?”
She smiled again.
“And remember, this is a safe space. You can fully trust here. Guaranteed. “
“Say anything,” she said. “Anything. Okay?”
“Okay. Eve. Okay I will.”
She stared a longer time. Right into me. Those eyes. So pretty.
“You trust me, Jennifer?”
“Yes.”
“Then.”
She looked at her hands, then back at me.
“Why are you here?”
I paused. Took a deep breath.
“About three months ago, I started waking up in the middle of the night, really afraid,” I said. Voice a little shaky.
“Then it was a few nights a week, then every night. I’d fall asleep, then wake up terrified.”
“Of what?”
“I don’t know!” I said, loud again, pathetic again, I knew. Didn’t care.
“Relax, Jen,” she said gently. “Tell it. Slowly.”
“I don’t know what the Nightmare is, Eve. I don’t! I can’t see it dammit!”
I took a deep breath.
“I just fall asleep, never for more than two hours on my own or three maybe four with one of the MD’s sleeping pills, but then I always wake up!” I said.
Loud again.
“Every night! EVERY ONE!”
I started hyperventilating.
“Okay Jennifer, okay,” she said. She got up and came around quickly to hold me until I started breathing normally again. Kneeling next to me holding me.
She stood eventually, walked over—boy that skirt fit just right. Sat back in her chair.
“You have no idea what you’re dreaming? The same? Different?”
“Don’t know anything. I zonk out for an hour, two, three, then… Bam! I bounce up paralyzed with fear.”
I paused to think. Closed my eyes, opened them again.
“Deep panic. Anxiety. Hideous fear. I’m shaking, shivering, sweating.”
“What kind of fear?”
“Like knowing you’re on a diving board, that the water is freezing cold.” I said.
“Like going into an alley after seeing the shadow-figures of those waiting, hiding, waiting to attack me.”
“Like you’ve been caught,” I continued, “and the police are going to gun you down.”
“Like…like,” I said, “like you see yourself in a tabloid attached to an embarrassing, immoral scandal….”
“So,” she said, leaning toward me, “Deep, deep fear and anxiety but you retain no images? Feelings? Besides fear? You remember…?”
“Nothing,” I said.
“I remember nothing. Just fear, shaking, paralyzing deep panic, paranoia…”
I trailed off.
“Every night?”
“Yes! It’s relentless. I’m afraid to sleep. I haven’t slept more than three hours at a time, some nights one, for almost three months!”
“And your husband?”
“He’s wonderful. Stays up with me, makes me tea, he’s trying everything, we’re both at our wits end, Eve.”
We just sat for a second.
“What else?”
“I have no sex drive. None. I don’t care about work, working out, the girl’s soccer team I coach…”
“You coach a girl’s soccer team?”
“At my old school. Yes. Why?”
“Nothing. Go on.”
“Don’t care about anything. And wherever I fall asleep, bed, couch, office…I wake in an hour or two more petrified and afraid than I ever knew I could be!”
I said louder: “And I don’t know ABOUT WHAT!”
She stared for a second.
“I see. I see, Jennifer. Yes, I spoke to Lydia….I think I’m seeing the, well…”
She paused again. Ever the pro.
Looking, well, looking psychiatric.
“Jennifer, we need to get to the dream itself,” she said sincerely. Confidently. With certainty.
“We’re going to use hypnosis to get to the heart of this dream sequence of yours.”
I panicked.
“Now wait, Eve, wait,” I said. “How do I say this? Um…”
“Stop,” she said, laughing softly, putting her hands up palms-out, like to say, ‘stop hold it a minute’.
I smiled too.
“We’re going to get to the heart of this fear, Jennifer,” she said, getting up from her chair.
She walked over, took my arm.
I looked up at her standing over me for a second. Her skirt hem and legs in my face.
Stared up a minute. She was so tall above me. Regal. Really yes, that’s it. Naturally regal.
I stood up, she led me to a straight-backed, very soft leather chair in the living-room section, near the couch. I noticed the helmet.
She sat across from me in the other straight chair. She leaned back. Seemed oblivious to how her skirt hiked up several inches to show off her legs as she sat back.
I looked at her legs. Couldn’t not look.
She smiled.
Crossed them the other way. Smiling still. Looking at me.
Crossing her long hot legs more slowly than she had to? Watching me watch?
I’m imagining things….
“Jennifer, just follow the instructions okay?”
“Okay.”
She pressed a button on the chair.
“Yvonne? Please?”
Yvonne came in a moment later carrying a white tray with a lid.
“Jennifer, in order to relax you completely and touch your subconscious…where this fear lives…” She paused again. “You change into something very loose and comfortable first.”
“Yvonne will take you to the shower area around the corner. Please change.”
I went with Yvonne.
We walked into a marble bathroom as big as a room in my house.
Inlaid, expensive. Gorgeous brass and gold.
“Jennifer, changed into these. It really helps you relax.”
She smiled.
“Loose and easy to get sleepy,” she said smiling. Reassuring.
“Okay.”
I pulled off my jeans and top and changed into the pajama thingies. Sheer light blue. Like a genie outfit, very loose, comfortable.
And quite sheer. Thin, like see-through pj’s.
Whatever.
Kicked off shoes.
I walked back in and sat down.
“Good Jennifer,” Eve said, smiling and pleasantly confident.
Her soft eyes stared at me.
Did her eyes move up and down to look at me? I mean in an appraising way? My tired brain is really starting to see things….
She smiled more brightly.
“Yvonne?”
She was across the room behind the monster desk. I heard clicks and the big curtains went across the windows, plunging the room into darkness.
Another click, and spots and a lamp lit up, the room was dimly lit enough for us to see each other and get around but that’s it.
I was so sleepy.
“Jennifer, please relax, okay?” She said, ‘Deep breaths okay?”
“Yes Eve”
“Yvonne?”
Eve was behind me.
A red light started flashing in front of me. Like a strobe.
Flash. Flash. Flash. In exact sequences.
“Watch the light, Jen. Watch the flashing light okay?”
“Yes Eve.”
She stood behind me and held my head gently on each side, to keep me staring straight.
“Relax, Jennifer. Relax. Just watch the red light and listen to the sound of my voice.”
I was so sleepy it wasn’t hard to just watch it. Her fingers pressing softly on my temples.
“You hear only my voice. Soothing. Trusting. You like my voice, just listening to my voice. Just relax…relax, Jen, just my voice and the light….my voice and the light…..….”
I was just watching.
Suddenly I knew Yvonne was next to me. I felt the cotton swab on my arm and the prick of an injection.
I jumped a little. Eve’s hands held my shoulders down.
“Just to help you relax, Jennifer. Let go dear. Relax. It’s all about letting it go….”
Whatever they shot in worked fast and I literally felt it. All my aching muscles suddenly felt totally relaxed, I think I slumped a little.
Going with the wave. A wave surging through me, relaxing for real now, not even moving, no pain anymore. No aching sore feeling from not getting sleep. Relief.
The tupor of pain-relief and gentle release surged through me. I went a little slack in the chair.
“How pretty the light is, isn’t it, Jennifer?”
“Yeesss…”
Classical music started playing very softly in the background, tiny corner speakers, behind her voice, soft music.
“How wonderful to relax. To release, to sleep, to let go. My voice all around you….soothing, relaxing….my voice is all you hear, Jennifer…my voice becomes your thoughts…my voice, thought, the same…the same…my voice like a song you want to hear over and over….”
It was all I could hear. Just Her beautiful voice.
I felt another cotton swab, wetness, prick of the injection. I jumped a little again. Less than the first time.
“Good Jennifer. Let it wash through you….sweep through you…my voice fills your head, the light … the light….the soft relaxing release….my voice….the light….the light…”
The stuff gushed through me, and I completely went slack…no pain, blessed relief no more aching muscles…just the soft voice…the light….
Red light. Flash. Flash. Music, soft music.
I didn’t feel the helmet until it was on me.
Goggles snapped gently down in front of my eyes. Ear thingies.
I was stoned, deeply relaxed, comfortably numb.
“Jennifer dear, do you hear my soft teasing alluring sweet voice darling do you hear me Jennifer?”
Wow her voice was much louder and clearer. It did sound like a song. It filled my head.
“So good to relax…trust Jennifer…to Obey…”
Yes.
“Yeess….”
“Obey the soft voice that loves you dear….let it take you….”
I floated in the sweet cocoon of Her soft voice, a song yes, a sweet melody of loving safety…floating now for real I think, felt that way…just lost….obey….
The red light had still been flashing. In the goggles. Now it was fading to something else.
I felt a cotton swab on my other arm, wet, prick of the injection. Didn’t jump at all.
It washed through me. Waves of release and a gentle lifting…floating…..No pain…..
“Jennifer you love my voice. You can only hear my voice. Your thoughts are my voice which are your thoughts…Obey, it’s so good…so good to be a Good Girl isn’t it?”
Oh yes. I felt meek and miles high. Yes, yes…obey….be good, be a good girl….
“I’m the sweetest song Jennifer. The deepest poem. The air, the light, is my voice.…obey my voice, Jennifer…”
“Yeesss…”
A little movie appeared in front of me. In the goggles. In 3-D, like 3-D pictures but a movie.
Rolling hills. Farmland. Beaches.
The images were flashing. Very fast. Every now and then I thought I saw writing, but couldn’t see it, the pictures were changing dozens of times a second between the flashes. The white with writing and other pictures? But what do they say?
Cotton swab. Wet. Pin prick. Injection, other arm.
Wave of sweet pleasure coursing through my veins. It was a sweet, sweet gift, the drug they were shooting into me….relieving the pain…lifting me, floating, sleepy…sleepy…
“Jennifer, obey.”
“Yes…Yeesss…”
“The Dream, Jennifer.”
Dream?
“Listen to my voice, Jennifer….obey...sleep Jennifer…go to the Dream….”
Another injection. I totally zonked…..only Her voice….
Then the screen went blank. Still that music though.
“Sleep, Jennifer. Obey and sleep…go to the Dream and open it, Jennifer…the door to the movie that is the Dreams…..watch it on the blank screen, the Dreams…”
I suddenly felt a wave of fear and trepidation.
“No, I…”
“Love and soft sweet safety here, in your cloud darling….obey the voice…sleep…see the Dream on the screen in front of your eyes…...”
I think I started twitching still, and mewing “No, no”…but She was there.
“I’m around you in safety’s clouds, the trust cocoon Jennifer….all around you my loving voice darling….look at the screen…be a brave good girl…”
“Now sleep, Jennifer.”
I felt it.
Different.
Asleep and awake too.
“Sleep.”
My head slumped.
And dream, Jennifer…sleep…”
“What’s on the screen, Jennifer?”
Different now.
“Sleep now.”
I tried to lift my head to show I wasn’t asleep. Couldn’t. My head slumped further down instead.
“I…I’m in college…..gym class….”
“Tell me…how good to obey, how good to tell me…”
“I…no, it’s practice, soccer practice…yes I’m a younger girl, college girl…”
“Tell me love…follow the voice that rings through you like a soft chiming bell of love…. the Dream…go to it, I’m here, it can’t hurt you…you can come back to us here or go to the Dream, nothing can hurt you, you’re free…go to the Dream now. Come back to us here when you wish. You can’t be trapped. No bad thing can hurt you. Go there. Come back here as you must.”
“I…um, I’m assistant coach. We’re…….changing our clothes, showering, after practice…I, no, no, it can’t…”
I started to get afraid and confused again. Now there was louder soft classical music in my head but Her voice too.
“So filled to love you…my Voice, catching you if you fall....I can guide you darling…trust me…let go…let go….and go to the Dream, love, it can’t hurt you…”
I felt a wave again, but it wasn’t relaxation. Oh no.
The music changed. Different piece.
The music changed. Felt the prick of another injection, barely noticed now.
And when the music had changed, waves of sweet need started flowing. Oh God how good to feel it again. Sweet desire.
I felt a warm tingling between my legs, my nipples alive…it had been so long.
Suddenly it was like a lid lifted off, waves of desire came out like the genie-smoke wafting out of the bottle…lid off, waves of it, sweet desire, tingling now, a warm warm need…growing…
I started shifting a little in my chair. I felt fingers on my neck, stroking my shoulders.
They felt wonderful. Soft hands. Caressing me. I was starting to swoon in helpless desire, a lid breaking off, sweet sex sweet sweet desire coursing through me like the drug had…
“The Dream, my love,” She said.
Her Voice. Her. Soft music.
Her Voice. Warmth spreading through me.
It’s okay.
Stroking my neck, my arms, gentle massage around my neck.
I was sleeping, it can’t hurt me I’m only sleeping.
I felt a soft kiss on my forehead. Another.
Her. Her lips.
“We’re in the locker room…” I said.
“Who, dear?” Her Voice near my ear. Then a kiss on my ear.
“I…uh…”
“Jennifer the Voice is Love. And Freedom. And safety, safe my love my love…my voice is your Mistress Jennifer, obey your Mistress…”
And then it exploded.
She said Mistress and I felt a surge of sexual desire and wanton lust like there was nothing else. Like waves crashing on a wall. Nothing between to stop the waves.
“Yes Mistress.” I was grinding into my chair, my nipples were on fire.
“Go to the Dream darling…”
And I could.
In my safe cocoon, lust creeping into every corner of my body, I could go to the Dream or come back to Her and the Other, the younger one with her…I could go anywhere I wished, and She was safety…how could a dream hurt me? A phantom? I can fly back and forth.
“I’m in the locker room…I….I…”
“Yes dear?”
“I…like to…see….”
“To see?”
“Them! To SEE THEM!” I cried out.
I felt hands moving up and down my body. Not the Dream.
Her. Both of them.
Hands were under my pj.top, stroking my breasts under my bra…then the bra unhooking…
And the Other. Slim, young---yes the young one…young fingers moving slowly under my waistband…across the waistband of my panties, playful, face in front of mine, I feel it, my eyes are shut, I’m sleeping…but I feel her in front of me, kneeling in front of me, not the Dream, the younger one, pretty, my bottoms slowly sliding down my legs.
My top. Slowly coming off. Her.
And them too. More flesh now. Clothes coming off. She. And the Other. Kissing softly above me behind my chair. I could hear it.
But I go to the Dream. I can do that. Go there or here. To any Dream. All real. I can’t be hurt. Sleeping. In the Cloud…
I was being lifted. The helmet was lifting off. That felt much better. I could breathe better. Cooler.
I was standing. They were each carrying me, one on either side, not the Dream, no.
I was gasping, surging with lust. Eyes shut tight, I was sleeping….I didn’t want to wake.
She and the Other. The Voice. Their hands on me. My top and bottom slipped off.
I felt laying down. Being laid down. In between them. She and the Other.
Much better to sleep this way. Laying down. No clothes. All gone. Naked.
The images from the screen of my mind became the Dream in my head. I could go there or stay here. I didn’t need the goggles, my mind was the blank screen, I could fly wherever, here, the Dream.
Laying me on a sofa, sofa- bed, yes. Leather sofa bed, soft black leather….big, a bed now.
“Stay with it Jennifer…follow it…” she said, lying next to me stroking my hair now, the Voice. Deeper, throaty. I felt her warm skin.
A song. In my head. Her voice. A church bell. Safe. Go to the Dream or not. No pain. No fear.
“It’s okay, baby, just let go…go to it…”
Her mouth next to my ear. Her body naked now, and the Other too on the other side, both stroking me….kisses….soft….each with their warm naked body on either side of me….
“Yeesss Mistress, yeess….”
“You’re in the Dream Jennifer. You’re asleep in the Dream and here….here…go where you wish…here, or to the Dream….go to the reality you choose Jennifer…”
I was lying and they were on either side of me. Stroking. I heard them kissing. Over me.
“The Dream,” She said eventually, still a little out of breath. I heard the Other breathing harder too.
“I like to see them,” I said very quietly. A whisper.
“In the Locker room,” I continued.
“Soft delicious beautiful women. Soft smooth warm silky skin, inviting sweet bodies, so soft and built for pleasure, soft breasts, tight little asses twisting back and forth, long legs…pretty underwear, makeup, their voices, their perfume, their nails…”
“And you like that, Jennifer?” asked the Voice.
“Yes! Yes! And…and I’m in the Coach’s office when they…they…”
Their hands were moving up and down me, on the leather couch again, out of the Dream for a second, I could choose, I’m sleeping it can’t hurt me it’s a ghost, briefly felt their light kisses, laying between Her and the Other.
“Go Jennifer, don’t wait, Mistress commands it darling…” She was breathing heavily now. The Other too. I could hear it. Ripples though me of sweet desire, a river now….
I went back. Back to the Dream.
“They come into Coach’s office. I’m behind the desks working the stats. My good friend Becky. Jonelle from my dorm. That luscious delicious blonde girl from Math…. that bitch Cindy, sexy slut, who always tried to show me up on the field..…they’re…oh God….”
Out of the Dream.
Soft leather couch.
Kissing my breasts. Then She lifted up and put her mouth to my ear.
“They want you in the Dream, don’t they, Jennifer?”
“Yes!” I cried again. Breathing heavily.
“Go there. Tell me. Tell Mistress.” She kissed my face and neck as she whispered.
“Two of them on either side of me in the locker room, in the Dream, Coach’s office, pulling my uniform off, giggling, laughing, I’m in the Coach’s chair and they pull me out…rip my clothes off, rip their own off…”
“The others?” She whispered.
I went to the Dream.
“Kissing. The others are kissing and touching each other in front of me. Locking both locks on the office door while they’re looking at me. Trapping me in. Pulling the phone cord out of the wall. Looking at me with lust, looking me up and down….”
“And what are you doing, Jennifer?”
“Letting them! Wanting them! Tearing their clothes off while they tear mine off! And kissing them with my hot tongue until they squirm!”
“Yes Jennifer yes!”
“Grabbing their asses! Driving my tongue through their succulent lips to their hot slippery tongues!!”
I started shaking. They both held me. On the couch, shaking, but it’s okay, they held me.
Then I felt Her, She. Kiss me deeply and start kissing her way down my body.
Then back to my ear.
“The Dream,” she whispered, breathing heavy now. “You’re safe.”
Back to the Dream, yes.
“I want it! I want them to treat me like the dirty girl slut I really am! Use me! Pass me around, make me beg! And then let me take them too!”
“Yes Jennifer! Be the Dream!”
I felt waves of lust for these girls in my Dream….then I slipped out of the Dream. I could do that! Back to the couch.
She. Her. Tongue swirling around my spot. I screamed.
The Other. Young. Sweet pussy lowering on my face. Mewing cries. Honey nectar answering my busy tongue.
Then up and off. I was moaning loudly now.
Had to wait, pause, to talk…She whispering in my ear, “Be the Dream…talk softly we can hear you…”
“We’re on the Coach’s office floor,” I said breathlessly, panting.
“Five of us. They forced me down, now I’m driving my tongue in, then they put me on my back, hold me down, and they’re spreading my legs….Cindy calling me her Bitch, crawling into me…Eat it baby!…ohhh YES!”
“Be the Dream Jennifer!” She cried.
I could feel myself squirming hard on my back on the couch. Them holding me, holding me down too. Like the Dream.
“We’re pouring oil all over each other…screaming , orgy, covered in oil on the floor in Coach’s office…”
Waves of fear swept in.
“We’ll be caught! I’m afraid oh God!”
“NO Jennifer” She boomed.
Couch.
The Other held me to her breasts.
“Nothing can hurt you Jennifer!” Her Voice.
“No one will catch you!”
“The Coach! The Principal! The other girls! Oh God it’s my boyfriend! I’m scared!”
“NO! Obey Mistress! It’s only a Dream!”
Only a Dream…yes, safe here….my Dream.
“My dream,” I said in a rasp. I was calming down. Still breathing hard. Panic swelling then receding back.
“YES!” She cried. “Who is there!”
“No one is there,” I yelled. “Just us!”
“YES Jennifer! It’s UP TO YOU!”
And with that they drove it into me, She and the Other, not the Dream now, and I screamed into another orgasm.
I exploded again and again on that couch sofa bed, blinding orgasms lasting forever and again…the Other driving herself into me, expert tongue sending electric sizzle into my whole body, I was in an ecstasy I’d never known.
And with that I felt a vibrator between my legs. I screamed and twisted to meet it, begging, give it to me! I was so on fire! Give it to me! Treat me like the slut I am!
Like in the Dream. Use me like the slut I am! USE ME GIVE IT TO ME!!!”
I was hungry for more. But she pulled it away.
After catching my breath, taking deep breaths, while they made love to each other above me, I felt them, heard them, behind my closed eyes, above me, She and the Other, above me, moaning, Her laughing softly and the Other’s mewing soft cries. Their arms and legs on me, next to me. Warm. Soft.
Pleasing each other.
Then after she stopped panting, She whispered again in my ear:
“The DREAM Jennifer! Go to the Dream!”
I’d taken my pleasure there. I was sated. I was Cindy’s bitch. Jonelle was my little plaything, and that hot blonde loved to strip for me, do a little strip tease when we were all alone in my room later….
Fear what? No fear. None. Sweet ecstasy.
I briefly was on that floor again, the Dream, twisting in a pile of hot delicious oil-covered girl’s bodies….swooning into it, feeling waves of release…..
“The Dreams, Jennifer. All of them”. She. In my ear. Panting a bit.
Back on the couch. She. In my ear.
“Back to the Dreams, Jennifer… I’m with you darling…”
Dorm room. My old one. With Lydia.
“No! No!” I suddenly yelped.
I actually tried to get away from them on the couch.
Not this.
She held me while the Other pushed the needle into my arm.
Waves of calmness coursed through me.
And sweet lust and desire in another tidal wave against a concrete wall, waves of lust in me. They’d opened the floodgate. No shutting it now.
“The Dreams, now baby…Go there……..listen to Mistress…the Voice is with you…”
“Lydia,” I said, trailing off. They held me.
“She’s home from the party….in our dorm room….I was sleeping, passed out, in my clothes…both of us wasted, trashed at this wild big party…and I heard her come in, get into bed….and it was me! MEEEEEE!”
I started spasming. Shivering very fast.
They steadied me, held me down, covered my face and body in kisses until I stopped.
I was so turned on I wanted more, more, I needed it! Thinking of Lydia. Waves of lust.
Fear abating….receding….sweet lust taking its place.
Her. Voice in my ear.
“Go there, Jen…”
They both held me. Stroked and kissed me. Each other too. One on each side still. Couch. Leather. Hot heat. Their legs on mine. Those beautiful legs. Holding me steady.
“It was me!” Back to the Dream. Not afraid. She was keeping me safe. The Dream in my mind’s eye as clear as reality. Same.
“She was in her bed. I took my pants and shirt off….and tip-toe’ed over…and kissed her! I started it! I kissed her first! MEEEEE!”
I started shaking, fear welling up then leaving me as fast as it came…it’s my Dream, safe….
“And she….she came over to my bed, naked, I was in my bra and panties…and…and…”
“Go to it Jennifer! Don’t be afraid!”
“I LET her! I kissed her first, and when she slid into my bed I…I…”
“You?”
“Made love to her! Wanted it! But I was so stoned….”
“Jennifer! Come to it! Take it!”
“I screamed after….Flipped out…it was the damn party, not me…I CAN”T be…oh my God it CAN”T be…..”
“Pretended it was her fault…dyke bitch, I screamed at her when we woke a few hours later, jumped out of bed, screaming at her to get out, what the hell….what if someone SAW!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!”
“Jennifer! No one can judge you! FEEL it Jennifer! What do you REALLY FEEL?”
They were covering me in kisses, massaging my body, the Other kissing her way up my legs with the vibrator in front of her face….how I wanted it….
“FEEL IT JENNIFER! SAFE!”
“I LOVE HER!” I cried…back in the Dream now and yet also twisting and writhing in sweating screaming abandon here too, still joyously asleep, the Other’s tongue swirling, I have to scream!
The Dream. Lydia. Back to the Dream.
“I wanted it! Then I ran!!”
“And now there is NO FEAR Jennifer!” cried Her Voice, panting in lust but still, it was She….
The Other, kissing my legs, to keep me turned on like a sex machine, Oh God did I need it, the vibrator up my legs….up, up….
Voice. Her.
“Let all fear go Jennifer! No fear! No judgment! Love is Love and it’s YOUR dream Jennifer! YOU DECIDE! No one judges you! No one will catch you! It’s YOUR LIFE!”
“I LOVED AND WANTED HER BUT I WAS AFRAID! AFRAID OF JUDGEMENT! DISCOVERY! AFRAID OF BEING A FREAK! A DYKE!!!!AN OUTCAST!”
“There is NO FEAR UNLESS YOU ALLOW IT!” Her Voice boomed back loudly into in my ear.
Mistress. In my ear.
I screamed.
The Other drove into me.
Right at that moment. The Other on the couch drove it in exactly while I was thinking of Lydia…in my dorm bed, the Dream…..Lydia…other times, when?
And that’s when I knew. When it really hit me in my field of vision.
Other times, loving Lydia…..later, after I ran….like going to the Dream, Lydia not giving up on me, not letting me push her away.
Loving me too.
Yes times, other times, other Dreams….Frannie too, Lydia….her Asian girlfriend, Lydia and the Asian….Loving Lydia so much, wanting her so, to please and love her, the sexiest goddess in this world.….
And her only returning it with lust and joy and love. My Lydia not taking my fear. Not. Waiting until I decide not to allow that anymore.
And Fear became Lust in my wild orgasms here in my safe space, with Her and the Other here, bucking and moaning on the couch in total abandon, fear slipped away under the intense lust.
She and the Other, I’m back on the couch now, they’ve dived into me with total abandon.
I exploded in waves of sweet orgasms, spasms of crying moaning pleasure. Vibrator like electricity itself going into me. Lydia in my mind,there.. Them on my bed, here.
Bucking on the leather bed, twisting, as the Other, the young one, took me—we were bucking and screaming, filling the room with our moans of pleasure….and She…She…always there…kissing the Other too, but holding me. Always holding me.
And with that release, with that orgasm, I felt Fear leave me also.
Sweet love filled me and all fear floated away…….And not just love for Lydia.
Loving me. Me loving….me?
For I had allowed the Fear.
Afraid to be who I wanted to be.
And I can just as quickly disallow it here, Safe here, where I decide, and in my Dream, I decide.
I decide.
They made love to each other too on that big leather couch until we all finally collapsed, breathless, sticky, in each other’s arms on the leather sofa bed after endless orgasms…
We calmed down eventually. I still floated. Eyes closed. Lydia mixing into my thoughts.
“Jennifer,” She whispered, while the Other stroked my hair.
We were sated now, the three of us on that couch, breathing slowing, quieting, holding each other, really them still holding me.
“It’s all okay. Just love yourself. YOU decide…”
“Yeesss….”
“Time to wake up, Jennifer. Soon. Come slowly. Mistress is guiding you…”
I so loved Her Voice….and I was waking, it was different again, more aware…..
“Him…I love Him now….” I said meekly.
Still asleep. The Dreams where I can go to them if I like were there, but fading….
But they didn’t scare me. Fear is my option. I don’t choose it.
I could go there whenever I like now.
They stroked my hair. My face. Her Voice.
She stopped.
“Go to that dream, Jennifer. Today’s dream. Free of fear darling. Free, as you awaken….”
“I love him too…he’s my, we took vows, rings, he is my beloved, dearly beloved, I love him so….”
“Then love him baby….” She spoke softly in my ear.
“Love whoever you love without fear baby…love him forever and love yourself and dream sweet dreams of your wonderful man and life together, Jennifer…”
She understood. Of course. Her. The Voice. Of Liberation. Her Voice.
“I love him too, now it’s him, so much,” I said quietly.
“Come back, baby.”
She and the Other stroked my hair, face.
“There so much time to love, so many ways to feel that, show him that…”
She stroked my hair. The Other too, calming me now, themselves calmer too, relaxing, the fever now having passed.
The three of us naked on the leather sofa bed, entwined and covered in sweat.
She whispered again. I was still floating but not intense now. Awakening now. Slow. Still floaty….
“Love him all you like every day of your life Jennifer, because it’s YOUR life, free of fear baby, free of judgment.”
Let love fill you whenever you want it to, with whoever you love…….whoever you love and lust and want, let it be so without the Fear…love him because it’s YOUR choice, free of Judgment, for in the end you’re judging yourself dear, you are your own judge, just you…”
Her Voice. Like a song in my head.
“And be happy to know love like a Lydia, a pearl beyond price, a woman of total magnificence, always a part of you Jennifer…your love for each other…not in your life everyday, but in you just the same, inside of you, a shining memory that you can go to free and safe….”
“Lydia…” I said….
“So many ways and places to love, Jennifer,” She said. “Be happy that you’ve known love and beauty in so many ways and will again.”
She was Beautiful.
The Doctor, yes, that’s her Voice. She’s Eve. The Doctor.
And it wasn’t the face. The luminous beauty…..her beauty, I knew now, wasn’t that she aged well. Not even the eyes.
It came from within. Her beauty was who she was. Indeed.
For I WAS free. Something had snapped. Something was different.
Images of Lydia faded and I felt gratitude. And expectation. Lydia always a part of my life. But life…hey,, my life is shared with another now….Lydia too, somehow….
I let it slide away. I knew it would work out fine, whatever had to work out would.
She’s right.
Her.
Love is in many places. Take it when you find it. Give it when you can.
Free. Freely.
I slipped into sleep, more aware around me now, not the Dream, the Dream literally dissolving in front of me, forgetting what the Dream is, images of Lydia and the Dreams fading, putting them in a drawer where I can take them out when I want to, free of fear, don’t have to think of those things now….all gone….forgetting now, where is this place?
Thinking now of my Tom, my hubby…..coming back to Now.
They’re at home waiting for me.
My home.
And I slept…sweet, sweet sleep, eyes never opening, fell asleep in their arms, whose arms? She. Yes. The Other. Yes….
Dreams fading, how long it had been….to sleep….
Felt an injection again. Heard the music change again. Different again.
Heard them rustling around. Dressing….dressing?
I slept.
I didn’t dream.
Slept. For a long time, I think……
And when I woke I was in my own bed at home…..
“Lyd it was incredible!” I said into the phone. I was sitting in my home office, catching up on work, hey I’m a workaholic and always will be, but my smile hadn’t faded in days!
It had been two weeks since my session with Dr. Carr.
“I’m sleeping like a baby every night! No more paranoid nightmares!”
“Just sweet dreams Jen, that’s the way!” Lyd said joyfully, triumphantly
Happy for me. Relief in her voice. She’s such a worrier! She really came through for me this time.
“Amazing, Lyd. She wants me to come back to a session once a month for awhile, just to follow up.”
“I’ll bet she does,” Lydia said wryly. “I mean, uh… she’s very thorough.”
“She IS , Lyd!”
I know Lydia enough to know she’d called her before talking to me. Didn’t mention it though.
“And what do you remember?” She said that in a more concerned tone.
“Nothing! One minute I’m sitting there and they’re dimming the lights, next minute I’ve showered---does hypnosis often lead to profuse sweating?”
“Yes,” she said. “Hypnosis and Matrix-conditioning can OFTEN lead to MANY unintended consequences Jen!” she said laughing again. Relief in her voice, I could tell.
“Well freshening up was the next thing I remember vaguely, and them putting me in the car and the ride home after I’d fallen asleep there for hours, and I left feeling great! Slept twelve hours when I got home. Every night since, like a baby, Lyd!”
“Awesome Jen! And…?”
I knew what she was getting at.
“Yeeees, Miss Nosy, the ROMANCE is BACK!”
We both had a good laugh.
“Glad to hear it Jen!”
She knew what I meant. Tom and I, starting about three, four days after my session, had plunged back into nights of wonderful glorious lovemaking. My sex drive was back and then some! I couldn’t get it enough!
“In fact, we’re going up to his Dad’s cabin this weekend.”
“Little lovin’ in the woods, huh, Jen?”
“Right there in the dirt if he wants it that way Lyd!”
We both laughed again.
She and I talked for another hour about just everything. No one’s ever had a best friend in the world like my Lydia is to me.
Then I said, ‘Gotta pack,” and thanked her for the hundredth time.
Promised we’d stay in touch more. Can’t wait to see her when she’s back in the States.
Later, Tom kissed me as we packed our bag.
Didn’t know if I should tell him yet about the tickets to Europe so soon.
It was a few months away yet, I’d okayed the time off with his boss without telling him. His boss loved being part of the surprise.
Hmm.
Maybe I’ll tell him now.
Maybe I won’t.
I’ll decide later. Guess I’ll have to sleep on it!