And our honeymoon! Walking under the Tuscan sun and people could see we were so much in love they'd smile, nod, one elderly lady selling flowers handed us roses for free, smiling, like we touched some distant youthful memory for her, it was all so passionate and rich.

Three weeks in Italy and around the Mediterranean, then a week-long wrap-up at a five star resort in the Caribbean. It was awesome.

And oh by the way my sweet gentle sexy good-hearted engineer hubby had now also become a total sex maniac.

My wonderful best friend Lydia----hey Lydia was coming to visit tomorrow! I was so excited ---anyway my beautiful Lydia had given us, as a honeymoon gift, gathered in her world travels, a pile of videos showing and teaching advanced lovemaking techniques from the Kama Sutra, Tantra Yoga, Asian and Japanese cultures.

She'd also replaced these honeymoon travel videos she'd sent before the wedding with the finished ones, like a wedding album of the places we'd been to-- isn't she neat?

Tommy had taken to these new How-To sex videos with intense study, watching them for hours.

Lucky for me he's a firm believer in practice makes perfect.

Lydia-Lydia was visiting tomorrow! Wow I just couldn't wait to see her---she had come to the wedding of course, did in fact bring someone, a big, handsome eye candy hunk of a guy, tall, an ex-Air Force pilot no less, my little female teenage cousins still go on about him, anyway she'd been at the wedding but we hadn't had time to talk I was all over the place.

But here's why Lydia was such a real friend.

A few weeks earlier she's stopped in town for a day-she's an airline gypsy, a wealthy brilliant stunningly gorgeous media personality who travels all over the world-just to see me.

I'd been a nervous wreck, tied up in knots, the wedding, my advertising business, I was max'ed.

She called and we'd spent the whole afternoon in her massive amazing hotel suite downtown-15 grand a night, at least, beautiful and all decorated with real Victorian antiques--- anyway we'd spent the afternoon just talking and catching up and talking girl talk and all, it was so great. Really helped me calm down, prioritize, get a handle on things.

And we'd had a delicious lunch! Oh my God so elegant and fancy! And absolutely totally totally delicious.

She'd ordered at least six different courses, rich steamy succulent native foods from of course the places where Tommy and I were going to honeymoon, she has such style, these formal waiters brought in table after table of delicious Italian and French and Greek foods I can' t remember exactly now what they were but there were so many and different breads and wines and desserts, wow. A feast. We'd totally pigged out.

I'd watched some of her newest videos before I left, including a great one documentary-type thing on Love and Marriage, then invited her over.

She came over the next night-of course she and Tommy hit it off right away I knew they would-and we had pizza and salad and ice-cold Heinekens and white wine and we watched the Marriage one again so Tommy could see it and some others, then she was off to catch a red-eye, what a life. Couldn't wait to see her again.

And now finally six months later she was visiting tomorrow!

The next morning was Friday and Tommy was heading out of town for business, I'd miss him so much, he was back tomorrow evening. We had a special breakfast then I drove him to the airport.

I called out for the day to my advertising agency when I got back, easy when you own the place. My extremely competent assistant Francesca was the reason I didn't worry, she'd keep the lid on til Monday, and we wrapped it up with our standing joke that now that I was married it was her turn.

She hated her boyfriend and liked this cute new guy I'd hired in Accounting-he was cute, clean cut and polite too-so I promised her I'd invite them out to lunch then invent an excuse to cut out early, she's on her own from there!

It was always a huge treat when Lydia was coming. She sent me a video to watch before coming over, she'd steered some business my way after her last visit and my billings were tripled. Such easy work for the money, thanks to Lydia and her rich business associates we'd have our 5-bedroom Colonial in just the right neighborhood in no time!

This latest-her third referral-was a fashion designer, apparently famous but I'd never heard of him.

I settled in to watch, she was due in a few hours.

It was all models wearing these designer's clothes. These were beautiful elegant fashion shows under bright lights, and these tall thin glamorous women with tight pretty faces and high cheekbones were parading up and down the runways in everything from evening gowns to sexy swimwear. This guy made very elegant and risque stuff, very artsy, very revealing.

It was fun watching these sexy tarts parading around, up and down, it was a rough-cut video and white flashes from editing cuts would pop up a lot, still I could see what this was all about, maybe I'd get a hot swimsuit now and then as a gift. This one's going to be fun if we sign them. I watched it again to kill time.

My mind drifted to those Spring Break college girl trips I'd always take with Lydia, wearing sexy swimsuits on a hot Florida beach and rubbing oil all over each others backs and legs.

And after seeing these delicious inviting sluts swish their tight little butts up and down those bright runways I suddenly didn't want to wear the Ann Taylor I'd laid out, hey this wasn't a workday!

Plus Lyd and I had an unspoken kind of thing going where we always dress to the max when we're together, to show each other I suppose we weren't falling apart on our way to the looming big 3-0.

So I went for the fun look instead, I'd bought some boots months ago, just before the wedding, anyway they were knee-high shiny white leather boots with spiked heels and toes coming to a sharp point.

I put them with a tight white mini-skirt, happy to see the tan on my legs was just right, and a snug red halter that really showed off my long blonde hair and my tan bare little flat tummy, but it barely covered my boobs, so I added a tiny white matching jacket and gold accessories.

Lyd would be in by now so I put a big winter coat on it was still pretty cold out and took off. The ride seemed really quick I wasn't thinking about much, couldn't focus on business it had been a long week, just Lyd, and how I'd love to be back on that beach with her under a boiling sun, putting the oil slowly on those sleek gorgeous legs. No one on the beach but us.

I felt sexy and full of fun prancing through her hotel lobby, I'd left my coat in the car, I could feel the eyes of a young good looking slim bellman shorter than me locked on my behind, he was pulling a big brass thing full of luggage walking behind me, it was cute how he was pacing himself to stay behind me, I flashed a wild thought that all that's missing here is a dog collar and a long leash.

In front of Lyd's door I felt suddenly small, filled with anticipation. How far away the regular world is from this hushed suite. So warm in here.

I adjusted the halter to really show off my breasts a little as the doorknob turned.

Oh my.

Magnificence.

Glowing shining incredible magnificence.

I felt a rush, lightheaded. Then came back to my senses. All at once.

We hugged each other tight and touched cheeks and looked at each other still holding hands, she was flashing that radiant perfect smile and it was so so deliciously wonderful to see her.

Then we started laughing, great minds think alike she was wearing the exact same type of boots!

But hers were shiny black leather, knee high and spiked a little higher than mine. Very pointy.

She wore a matching tight black leather mini-dress that was laced in the front to show all of her boobs, pretty much just nipples tucked away but visible, wow, her mane of black curly hair and shining blue eyes just so bright, shining, and I loved how the red lipstick and fingernails played off the black, she was absolutely stunning as always! My Lyd. My beautiful delicious delicious Lydia.

She took me by the hand to a small red velvet Victorian style loveseat-this suite was huge, her favorite she always stayed here-and she poured coffee from an elegant silver tray.

We talked a mile a minute and laughed and giggled and caught up on just everything, I thanked her for the awesome business she'd sent my way talked about how wonderful married life was and of course the honeymoon. She'd been everywhere too and knew the streets and places I'd talk about.

I started to get kind of fuzzy on the facts, glad to let her talk too.

And we talked all about her too, this handsome new pilot of hers was apparently Mr. Oh So Right and she went on and on, projects,travels,plans.

It was really hot in here. She had the heat way up, it must have been a hundred degrees. I felt a spreading glowing warmth inside of me, from my center spreading out like sun God it was rich rich warmth.

I took a napkin to dab my brow, she dabbed one up there too smiling, silent, and put more napkins on my side of the table.

She poured the second cup and I moved an inch closer to touch knees, it seemed important to do that, and I said impulsively, "Lydia you don't know how much I miss you! I just so so want to be with you Lyd I can't tell you how wonderful it really feels to be here!"

It was really important to show her how much I missed her, and she flashed that white smile wider.

"Jen baby I know sweetie same for me. It's so so good to see you' She hugged me, knees pressing on mine.

"Jen check out this new lipstick I use." She said, taking a tube out of her bag.

She put the tube right in front of me, twisted the lipstick up, up, up, applied it slowly to her thick pouty lips.

I watched intently, "See?" she said, tilting my head up slightly lifting my chin with her forefinger, putting it on my lips.

"Taste Jen. Cinnamon and cherry, I have it made special, taste how delicious it is.

"Delicous isn't it Jen?"

I got all dizzy, gasping for breath, damn it's hot, can't get enough air, and yes it was delicous. Delicious rich cinnamon cherry delicious. Can't wait to really taste it.

We locked in a deep kiss, her tongue darting and then swirling more deeply around mine, sweet warm tongue-swirling wet kisses and we kissed again and again and her hands slid under my jacket to lightly feel my breasts.

"Delicious, Jen."

She was a blast furnace I was in front of the door.

We embraced more hotly now, kisses deeper, sweat and heat enveloping me. My hands slid under her dress and up and down her upper legs.

We stayed like that, I was on fire, God she was a sweet tease she wouldn't let me take any clothes off or any of hers off, we were feeling touching kissing teasing, hot cinnamon sweet cherry candy lips locked on mine wet tongue warm warm swirling .

I was a good girl I showed her, to take it, I showed her, I spun into a hot frenzied delicious bitch for my Lydia, her hair, her warm succulent lips and smooth skin, it's all there was. In all the world it's all there was, just Lydia.

She lifted me up and I wanted her to lead me to the bed but she didn't.

She was looking at me intensely now, lust and heat in her face, she pushed me roughly-hard---against the wall, pulled my hair back

God it hurt so good God it was good that it hurt give it to Lydia give it to her, she was draining me I was crumbling wanting to fall to my knees before her. The more it hurt the wetter I got, the fire all the more consuming.

But no.

No.

She held me up and kissed me so deeply her slithering tongue drove straight into my pussy from inside I was gushing wet my panties soaked deeper Lydia please!

But no no, she pulled away, face driven, driven by intense lust like something you could actually touch and see, just looking at her poured gasoline on to the hot burning embers in my stomach. Take it dammit Lydia take it!

She pulled away instead, kept me from kneeling, held me up,leaned me against the wall.

Ran to the closet, pulled on a thick winter coat, black, and threw me a thick long white one.

I didn't understand, furiously frustrated and confused. Shaking my head no no no very fast back and forth. I looked at it, didn't want it. What?

"Be a good girl Jen," she said in a throaty husky demanding very firm voice, gripping my arm even twisting a little, eyes drilling into mine.. "Come on."

She whisked me through a door in a back hallway outside her room and we were in an elevator that you'd never know was there, behind a plain door, , I didn't want to go into the bright light world of sharp edges and cold I wanted to stay in the hot lair the jungle heat.

No.

She pulled me quickly.

There was a long black limo in an alley outside we climbed in, driver separated by solid partition and windows tinted. It was a bright cold day I shut my eyes. The car was warm, classical music played softly.

The car sped off and we were all over each other inside the soft cushions. The same video I'd seen this morning was playing on the little TV.

It was all tease caress tickle she fingered my pussy I moaned I did hers she writhed but she wouldn't let me undress anything, just swirling,spinning,deep kisses and soft touch and busy fingers.

She handed me the coat I put it back on a minute later

We were on a runway.,A huge white jet with engines blasting-yes hot heat but God they were loud I covered my ears shut my eyes, she led me up short metal steps.

It was opulent inside, soft chairs, a big round couch,tables,bar,galley. Pilots shut behind a thick door.

We took off in minutes we were airborne she couldn't get enough of me. The same video was playing and all I wanted was to take her and her take me. No No. We tore the coats off but that's all.

She pulled back at some point. Pulled away. I felt fear. Had I been a bad girl?

Intense but playful mischief mixed in with the lust now, God her face, anything Lydia,take it!

I was on fire burning God like a fever feverish spinning dizzy breathing in ragged gasps.

She pulled away, held out her hand, looked at it. Looked at me. Playful. Intense still. But playful.

"My nails need attention baby".

I fell to my knees, she handed me the bottle and I kissed and licked her fingers as I painted her nails. She looked down hungry, approving, God how I loved her take it please Lydia take anything!

I was kissing her legs between her boots and skirt. Lost in it until she pulled me up.Handed me the coat a minute or two later I felt the jolt of landing.

Had it been maybe an hour or a little more?

Back into bright cold then another warm limo and we went at it again. Tore the coats back off.

I recognized it eventually-unmistakable, New York---and we slid through the traffic-choked streets.

We pulled into an alley next to a little brick building with a small neon sign in front in Chinese characters and the word Private underneath. All these smaller brick buildings around, quiet, less traffic, the Village?

I was kissing her nipple, my face leaned into her chest, she was fondling my breasts looking down on me, God sweet hot Lydia anything Lydia, good girl for you, juicy good girl for you Lydia. Take it!

She pulled me out, we whisked into an alley entrance,to a plain heavy door. She used a credit card thing into a slot to open it.

Long red carpeted hallway with big chandeliers. Old Victorian.

The dressing room too, all done up very rich in reds and dark wood. Mirror with lights in one corner, huge 4-poster bed in the other.

She shut the door, we peeled coats off, again deepest wet kisses, she squeezed my ass.

She put me at the table, I was on fire she was leading me sat me down. I couldn't walk anyway without being held up , weak from desire and wet gushing need I was on such an edge I just wanted to jump off of it and she wouldn't let me.

She fussed around my face and eyes with a brush, then pulled me up, looked me over, that flashing hungry animal smile on her face now. God how I loved her.

She pulled me down the hallway, pulled open a thick red curtain slightly for me to peek though.

I knew.

It was a nightclub, small round tables with white tablecloths and little lamps in the middle, all in a half-circle at different levels.

Lots of people, mostly men, well-dressed,suits, many of them Asian men, but not all.

Some women, but mostly men.

Women at tables together or a couple with the men but not very many.

I saw a tall very thin Asian woman in black silk pants, long straight black hair very pretty I could see even from here. And she turned and looked straight at me. I shivered.

Lydia pulled me down the hall, put me in front of another curtain, pulled off my jacket.

She whispered,"Three songs, I'll be directly in front."

I knew.

She put her hand on my ass and shoved.

And I was on a brightly lit stage with a brass pole in the middle. Colored spotlights around changed colors. I could see the crowd but dimly, dark shadows of faces.

Loud dance music started. Like in those big dance clubs, electronic dance music.

I knew what to do.

I knew.

I'd been in a place like this once before, different but the same, couldn't know where or why but yes, there'd been a sexy blonde dancing in that other place. And I knew exactly what to do.

Three songs so I started slow. Prancing around the stage, swinging around the pole, leaning on it, facing the crowd with a lascivious glare, putting my fingers under my skirt then looking at their eyes and putting the same finger in my mouth.

I wasn't scared, I was determined, in a way serene.

And their eyes were a tonic that drilled strength into me I loved the power I had over them all, felt it, bathed in it.

Second song my top was off and I was swirling again. I took my breasts and shoved one then the other into my mouth. Looking lasciviously at Lydia. And the tall Asian, now at Lydia's table too.

They were drawn to me. Lydia stared back from the front center table, both of them mesmerized..

The front tables were now all filled, it was noisier but all I heard really was the music, they'd moved toward me like the moths they were, people had wandered down front and others were standing behind those sitting.

Third song.

I was in just my boots now, slithering up and down the pole, on my knees licking the pole like a giant cock, my fingers doing what fingers do and they could see it all now in this swirling fever sweating heat.

And I saw a flash from somewhere, I just knew without knowing it was a signal, so I leaned against the pole, slid down to a sitting position legs wide, glared at them all and showed them what I brought my fingers here for in the first place.

The stage went black, I was dizzy and drenched,drained. Spinning.

I heard thunderous applause and hoots and Lydia was there in the blackness and a robe was around me, my clothes balled up in her other hand, and we ran down the hall.

I was whirling.

She shut the door and the room was lit now only with several candles all around and I smelled jasmine incense.

Ad she threw me---rough again, rougher than ever- threw me hard on to the bed.

She tore off her dress ripped my robe off.

She fell on me in twisting driving hunger, oh dear almighty God how I loved her loved her.

Tongue fingers her whole body driving into me like she could absorb me, I felt like I'd been walking in a hot jungle and something came out of the trees and I was writhing under it's hot hot need.

The room brightened then darkened.

I knew.

Lydia went behind me, hooked her arms under mine to hold me prone, sweat pasting her hair to my head, my head leaning into her breasts.

The tall slim Asian woman looked at me intently, slipped her clothes off quickly,and she was on me.

Gentle kisses she had no breasts really just big juicy nipples I sucked on them she on me, working me until her tongue teased my burning place and I exploded. The climax only making me want more.

I felt my wrists locked to the bedposts.

Lydia.

Then my ankles, bound. The Other.

Helpless and prone in sweet blissful surrender.

Lydia hovered her pussy over my head, down, up, down,up, I screamed to drink her in I could hear and feel myself screaming loudly, begging desperately.

The Other-I saw her take something out of her bag.

Flesh-colored. Long.

I knew.

I heard the whirring motor and then yes electric tingling all around me. Through me, bolts of lightning wherever she touched it to me.

She swirled the vibrator up my legs, around my breasts and stomach, my inner thighs.

The tip of it then, into me, whirring whirring, in then out---God I was screaming, begging, please!-in and out, deeper then out, a little deeper then out. Soft laughter.

Lydia lowered then up, lowered then up.

Then finally the Other drove it all the way in and Lydia ground down on my mouth and I was white hot lava.

Dissolving into the earth. Burning molten lava. My body dissolving into the white glowing jungle world that lives in ours but no not ours not ours superimposed on ours the steaming jungle world where the strong take what they need.

Gushing torrents rivers of climax after climax deep now deep, I was thrashing, writhing,screaming I could hear it.

And I was free.

Free.

Floating.

I was vast as the sky. All the gravity that kept me tethered to the world gone and I floated into the bliss of this different secret world, this animal heat world all around me. Free.

I felt Lydia jumped off, could see through he shadows and blur she pulled the Other's hair down and kissed her while the Other drove the vibrator into herself now, moaning louder, screaming in gasps.

Lydia. Take it.

Take what you need.....

They soon unshackled me, we all collapsed into each other, exhausted, heaving,drenched.

Then I don't know how long we lay there and then the Other was gone-light,no light,shadow,candles flickering.

Then Lydia lifted me-I couldn't have walked on my own, guided me---into a shower and we were covered in hot water, rubbing lavender soap suds all over each other, eyes closed.

She pulled me out-moving with fast precision, pulling me,almost carrying me---threw me some clothes-new jeans and a shirt, for her too,tags still on she ripped them all off.

Dressed, dizzy,steadying myself on the table or I would fall, swirling,spent.

She shoved three herbal caps in my hand and water, I swallowed them.

Then down those stairs, still dark,cold out,quiet night, and the car took off.

She handed me different caps in the car-bigger, greenish-looking-I swallowed.

I suddenly felt clarity. Not able to function, walk,talk,no,but I was simply aware.

Awake enough, aware,with ice cold clarity in my mind.

"Watch baby" she said, touching my arm lightly.

Soft, speaking softly now. "Watch"

The video was different, I couldn't know what it was,who,didn't understand a word being said.

A thin man talking. Interview. Showing fabrics. Big tables with dress patterns. Plastic mannequins and they would have clothes appear on them then not then again. Voice talking talking.

We got to the plane, loud, an assault, I couldn't go into the world again just yet, but then up small metal steps.

Airborne in minutes, Lydia put the same video on again.

"Watch,baby. Don't turn away"

Same video but there were scenes sprinkled in. Nature scenes. Meadows, rolling hills,farmland.

Lydia watched me with gentle concern on her face, intently. When I would turn away she would touch me, signal to watch, good girl for Lydia.

It was still dark when we landed.

Cold.

Warm car. Moving. More herbal caps and water. Couldn't drink enough water. She held the bottle to my lips.

Same video, Lydia holding my hand, squeezing if I looked out the window too long to look back at the screen. Good girl for Lydia.

I expected to go back to her nest, crawl into her deep in her lair. Her world more real than the real one.

No.

My building. Yes, my place.

I felt more awake now but only dimly aware, not at all alert, but able to walk.

We opened my door and she moved again with lightening fast precision. Drew curtains,blinds. Sat me in front of the big screen. Same video. Classical music on my stereo.

Shower water running, Lydia coming out just as the video ended. Moving fast.

Took packages out of her bag, on to my table, pushed big bath towel into her bag. Changed things in our CD rack. Took them out, put new ones from her purse in.

Led me to my shower, more hot relieving water,wonderful,just me this time.

Standing there dried me off handed me my pajamas I put them on slowly, thinking about each thing to do to put them on.

Led me to my bed.

I fell in, so desperate for sleep now, went to pull her with me. She pulled away.

No.

She slid my blankets over me, adjusted my head under the soft pillow.

She stood watching me for a long time. It was so quiet in that room. So good to feel Lydia, smell her.

"I love you Jen," she whispered quietly. So quiet. Just a whisper.

She kneeled down next to me and stroked my face, her mouth near my ear.

"I love you," she said again. So quiet.

"I love you too Lydia," I tried to say, but I couldn't speak, I could hear it came out all muffled into the pillow.

"Jen, my love," she said softly, squeezing my hand, " the Subliminal Matrix, no matter how thorough and clever and used properly with herbals, the Matrix doesn't ever work, unless there's real feeling in the subject, baby"

I loved the sound of her soft voice, the smell of her lavender hair.

I had no idea what the words were for or what they meant.

"Jen you wouldn't be here---wouldn't come to me---wouldn't feel anything other than friendship, stronger yes but nothing more, unless you loved me too."

Quiet. Like talking to a sleepy child.

She kissed me again. So soft still.

"You love me too, my sweet sweet Jennifer....." she said, stroking my face now.

So quiet. Her whisper. So quiet. I waited for her to speak again, smelling her, wanting her next to me.

"I love you and I always did Jen. And the greatest moment of that Jen is to know, deep underneath the learned world........."

I felt a soft kiss on my forehead. "To know you love me too."

She kissed my fingers lightly.

" The matrix doesn't allow for lies," she continued. " It is the most honest system I could invent. You love me too beloved, you do....."

She squeezed my hand again.

"And here's my gift back to you Jen. For loving me..."

She whimpered, I heard it, a sniffle, a gentle caress on my cheek. I kept trying to say something but could only fight sleep.

She stood up. Voice firmer now, still soft.

"Here's your life back, Jen. Live a glorious happy happy life with your sweet good man and your no-doubt perfect kids and ..." she paused, sniffled a little... "and your damn minivans and SUV's and soccer balls..." She tried to laugh, sobbed instead, trailed off.

I wanted to hold her but I had no strength.

She bent and stroked my face again.

"Here's your life back, because I love you too..."

I knew she was crying softly.

She stared at me for a long time. And I felt the softest kiss on my cheek

And the wet from a tear.

And she was gone.

And I drifted.....drifted.......

I can't believe I slept til NOON! Wow I haven't done that in years! But I guess I needed it, I felt totally refreshed and well-rested, full of energy, feeling great on this sunny Saturday afternoon.

I showered dressed straightened the place up quickly, as if to deny sleeping so late right? But I felt great.

I'd missed aerobics but that's okay. I did feel quite stiff and sore, well I'd just started a spinning class and advanced aerobics I'd better not push it so hard. I'd do a light workout today and a long sauna.

I missed Tommy so much. He was due in a few hours, I called our favorite place for a dinner reservation, and brought the Real Estate section over to the coffee table with my cup and bagel.

It had been so much fun with Lydia yesterday! That's why I felt so light and good, I'd played hookey and we had such a great time hanging out.

She brought in another massive delicious mouth-watering lunch, course after course rolled in on these tables by formal waiters, awesome.

All Asian food this time, can't remember exactly what there was so much, served tapas-style and beautifully presented--what style, she's so cool.

And the most wonderful wines and sparkling waters! Different with each course.

Wine's just about all I drink and I remember a tall thin waitress-pretty, Asian---pouring the most sweet delicious wine, I'd have to get the name from Lydia.

It was all so excellent. Delicious.

We pigged out and talked business all afternoon then we said screw it and went shopping! It was really fun.

I took the packages off the table. Three new shirts for Tommy-gotta keep my man looking dapper---and then of course the fun bag.

A sexy new Victoria's Secret teddy, very nice.

I hadn't wanted to get it but Lydia said, "Now Jennifer'" hands on hips, "there's nothing wrong with letting your man smiling and happy he's home!"

"Yeah right." I replied laughing too. "He 's been smiling since the day he met me!"

We got a laugh over that anyway. And what's this? She'd slipped a surprise in. DVD titled "Advanced Chinese Sexual Techniques for Married Peoples and Couples."

Hah! She's so excellent. I stuck it in Tommy's bag.

Study hard my wonderful hubby, looks like this weekend you've got homework!

I took her to the airport to get her red-eye home, and I was so glad we could hang and catch up. She was off on a long project with her new hunky pilot-a safari in Africa no less, what a life---and I wouldn't see her for awhile but she assured me the contract with the fashion company is a lock. Like printing money!

Anyway I felt a rush of panic and ran over to the scale. I was afraid to see that I'd gained a pound or God-forbid two, but in fact I'd lost a pound. Wow cool.

You think I'm silly or obsessive but I'm not. I just want to stay slim and pretty for my Tommy.

Can't wait for him to call I miss him so much. Lunch with my Mom after my workout then he's home!

I work hard at it. I just want Tommy to be proud of me, happy to be seen with me.

And okay sure I'm used to the extra attention that a slim pretty blonde gets here and there, so what? I won't give that up without a fight, I thought, packing my workout bag.

Oh I know Tommy would love me no matter what, just like I'd love him no matter what.

I know that.

I know it's Forever. Hey we took vows. We're Forever. I know that.

But hey let's face it, I thought, heading for the door, ignoring my sore muscles, I mean, if I get all fat and sloppy and let myself go, well, come on, who's going to want to look at me then?