Crush.

That's what I had on Natalie, or Professor Bellini. A desperate, school-girl crush. But more intense, and certainly sicker. I don't think many school-girls crave what I had learned to crave from her.

It started when Candace got back from England for a visit. John and I had both been excited; he longing to see his wife, and I both fearing and craving the unique brand of humiliation Candace dished out to me.

We were driving back from the airport, the two of them catching-up in the backseat while I drove.

"Has she been a good little hole for you Jon-Jon? Kept my man satisfied while I was gone?"

"I missed you baby, but yeah, but I got horny thinking about you, so I unloaded in her ass. Which was a lot actually." He laughed then with genuine humor, but I blushed in shame. "She likes it actually, I guess all the things you said to her before you left stuck. I thought maybe she would be all bitter and whatnot, but it was like the more I treated her like a piece of meat to come in, the more she got off on it." In the rear-view I saw him lean in and say to her, soto-voice, "I know she started doing stuff to give me an eyeful of her ass, you know, get me going."

It was true. As bad as I felt, as ashamed as I was of what I had let myself become, there was an addictive pleasure in being a semen ash-tray for John. Particularly since our relationship was only anal, it heightened my awareness of how sick this was, of how nasty a person I had become. Laboring under the man who should have been my husband, pushing my ass back as rough as I could so I could be ass-fucked for Candace's sake made me burn with guilt and lust.

Now I drove back to our home giddy with the hope that maybe this time it wouldn't be just John reaming me, but Candace herself. That she would pull out the dildo harness she had worn on my wedding night, had taken my virginity with, and take me again.

She was my everything, my greatest fear but the thing I most wanted in the world. She was a well I could never drink deep enough from; I wanted to be drowned in her.

But she had other plans for me. She wanted time alone with her "husband," and would be using her roommate from college, Sage if she wanted a spare mouth or asshole.

I was crushed. She laughed at me though, and pulled my chin up to face her.

"Spare me, slut-girl. I use who I want to use, when I want to, don't I?" The suffocating feeling of paralysis, the inability to do anything but comply with Candace stole over me (God what a junky I was for that feeling) and I told her yes. "Besides," she smiled at me, "I have a great idea that will keep you out from underfoot while I spend time with my hubby. I have decided that you need another play-date with Natalie! More than that really; you need to get to know her. She is a special girl really, and I think a natural submissive slut like you could develop quite a crush on her."

"Please no Candace, you know I just want to please you-"

"Tut-tut-tut little girl. You know better than to argue. I see we need to shut you up, and I think a mouthful of my privates would do the trick." Without any more to-do, no teasing, she slid her jeans down and spread her long, gorgeous legs for me. Both hands pulled me head down and to her crotch. I had a moment to see the small triangle of black cotton, the few stray wisps of hair escaping and then I was there in that warm, hot hot place I loved, my face pressed against the soft cotton, millimeters from her sweet pussy.

Her pubis and panties gave slightly beneath my face; I could feel her body heat, and I inhaled deeply to get as much of her scent as possible. God it was intoxicating and instantly made me slaver. She had me start by gently mouthing her pubis through her panties, wetting the fabric a darker black until she was getting into it, grinding her pussy against my mouth. Finally she was ready for me to get to the real business at hand. I peeled her panties down those gorgeous legs; I paused for a moment at the feet I wanted to lick and grovel under and then moved back to the perfect vee of her pussy.

Her lips were swollen; she was very excited and smelled even stronger as I moved in to slowly lap and suck, twisting my tongue into get to her. She responded with hip movements and small gasps that made me want to do better, suck sweeter and better for her. I was so lost in her strong taste and the slick wetness of her lips under mine that I didn't realize she was talking to me at first. But she was, a constant litany of statements about Natalie.

"Natalie tastes sweet like this jenny."

"You love Natalie, jenny."

"Natalie is pretty and feminine and sweet jenny; she is the kind of girl you could fall in love with."

"You want to please Natalie just like you want to please me, jenny."

"Natalie's cunt is so beautiful and sweet that you are falling in love with it jenny."

She was holding my head, both hands tangled in my hair, and it was like every word she said was sinking into my brain, falling down into my body and my tummy. I felt this, craving, this hollow in my stomach as Candace filled me up with feelings for Natalie.

It was all true; as I knelt in my own bedroom, laboring to please the woman who had taken my husband from me I felt myself falling in love the stranger I had played sick games with that one evening months ago.

"jenny, you have the worst crush a girl could ever have on Natalie Belini."

"Natalie is so beautiful you day-dream about her, get nervous thinking about her, feel stupid and uncouth around her."

"jenny falls more in love with Natalie every time she thinks about her, hears her name or sees her."

"jenny, you love every part of Natalie, oh god you slut you want to suck and make her CUM!"

With that she began to convulse, mashing my face into her cunt, spasming against me in her pleasure and then when it was too much shoving me away. I felt so many things at once:

Lust for Candace.

Pride and arousal that left me panting for having pleased her.

Deep feelings of submissiveness and obedience towards Candace.

Lust for Natalie.

A growing feeling for Natalie that made me dizzy; a puppy love that left me almost sick with need in my stomach.

And then Candace did something I never would have imagined. After she caught her breath she gently pulled me up on the bed, face down, pulled my pants and panties down past my butt and snaked a hand between my hands and actually touched me.

With a skilled, deft but insistent touch she began to rub my lips, slick up my clit and firmly manipulate it. I lay face down, moaning, so happy that Candace would lower herself to touch me and almost instantly soaked her hand and the cover with my pussy juice.

She leaned down, put the other hand on my back and said next to my ear, "The only reason I am touching you, jennyslut, is that you need to know what it feels like to be loved by Natalie. Jenny, you are so empty inside, aren't you?" I nodded. "Say it jenny. No one loves you, you feel like nothing; inside you there is this big, empty place, and it hurts. It hurts, doesn't it jenny?"

I was crying now, and with a shuddering breath nodded and said,

"Yes Candace. Yes, it hurts. Oh it does hurt!" I sobbing now like a baby, my body wracked by heaving sobs but my cunt on fire as she diddled me.

"That's right jennydumb! You are cold and empty and alone and it is killing you. You are alone and empty and NO ONE LOVES YOU! But Natalie can make it all better. Natalie is beautiful and sexy and she is warm yummy love, just like mommy never really gave you. If Natalie loved you, the hole would be filled with gold and light and love and the hurt would be gone and you would be loved. Say how much you love Natalie and then you can cum."

"Oh God yes it's true! I love Natalie! I love her she's my love my love I love-I l-l-l-l" I stuttered out my confession as Candace clamped down hard on my clit sending me into a spasming orgasm.

I felt it. A taste of what it meant to be loved. I could see Natalie in a golden halo of light smiling at me, loving me like my mommy and my lover at the same time as contraction after contraction sent pleasure through my body.

And then it was over, and I was dutifully cleaning Candace's hand of my nasty juices, and listening mesmerized while she told me what I needed to do to win Natalie's love.

"Natalie?"

"Hi, who's this?"

"Umm, it's Jennifer, I mean jenny. Uh, you and I met through Candace." Silence for so long my stomach was doing flip-flops, I almost got sick.

"What do you want? What the hell-"

"Candace had me call to set up a playdate with you. She said her little cuntmouth and shitmouth need some quality time together." It all came out of my mouth in a nervous rush; not for what I had just said about myself (God!) but because I was afraid she might hand up.

"Oh." Suddenly her voice was different, throatier. In a smoky voice that made my pussy juice she said, "Oh. I haven't, I hadn't heard from Candace since that t-...since we played together." God her voice was getting husky; was she touching herself?

"Tomorrow, at 11 am at your house. Candace said highest heels, stockings, makeup and jewelry for our 'date.' Both toy chests out and the costume box out too."

"Ohhhh," she moaned. "I, ok I will make sure my husband is out of the house."

As I hung up the phone my sick anxiety swung to giddy elation.

I asked a girl out on a date! I dimly remembered those first heady days falling in love with John; this was richer, more exciting, more - everything! I sat up, planning things out, my "presents" for my date laid out, thinking about what I would wear. I actually found myself doodling at one point:

"Natalie + jenny" in a heart shape

And

"jenny loves Natalie" in the margin of a notebook over and over again. I felt like a schoolgirl with a crush...which was pretty much what I was. I fell asleep that night, after a sweet sweet orgasm (I fantasized about licking Natalie to orgasm and her praising me lavishly), dreaming of my dream girl: Professor Natalie Bellini.

The next morning, my most flattering short little summer dress on, rose and candy box in hand, I stood for about 5 minutes in front of her door, petrified to knock. My tongue felt thick, my mouth was dry; even if I did knock I wouldn't be able to talk I knew.

Finally I swallowed dryly and used the brass knocker on the white door. She must been waiting; the door opened in about 15 seconds and she stood back to let me in.

My mouth hit the floor. She was a vision; her hair down up in an elegant pile with the most careless (but perfectly chosen) wisps loose, pearls at her neck and ears, white high heeled sandals forcing her into a proud and lovely erect stance. Lovely, olivce skin for her age, lovely body and it was all on display for me.

I wanted to go to her then, be folded in her embrace and never stop loving her when she said,

"Where's-where's Candace?," craning her neck around like maybe I had hidden Candace behind me.

"She's not coming. She sent me, she said we needed to have a playdate-" Natalie had fled from me, tottering away in her high heels, crying I thought and leaving me with nothing but the click of her heels on the tile floor.

Sometime later she came back, wrapped in a red-robe.

"Get out."

"Oh please Natalie, I-"

"Get out." I held out the rose I had brought, my heart dying inside me. "Get out! Get out you stupid bitch get out of my house!" Tears were streaming down both of our faces, and I did the only thing I could do.

I dropped the rose, and opened the small, heart shaped chocolate box Candace had got for me.

The smell hit us both like a hammer. The smell of shit.

I took one of the small brown balls out, and looking Natalie straight in the eye I bit into it. The taste was a hundred times worse than the smell; a ball of Candace's shit breaking open in my mouth and I fought back the nausea as I started to wetly chew it up, smearing my mouth and my lips with brown sickness.

I started to wretch, but Candace had told me how much I loved Natalie and it was true. I looked at her like a moonstruck calf and chewed Candace's shit into a brown mess in my mouth, and suddenly Natalie was on me like a wild woman, pushing her tongue into my mouth, and suddenly the sickness was gone and my cunt was molten lava under her hands.

She was glued to me, mouth to mouth, and her hands had flown under my skirt to find my wet snatch; she was making my clit sing, pleasing me and making me cum on her fingers in love and adoration. My Natalie was fingering her little girl's cunt! In between the sweetness in my heart and the fire in my clit there was a falling elevator, a craving in my stomach, the most Intense lust and emotional connection I had ever known. Love and pleasure flowed from her mouth through my body down to the fingers plunged into my wet channel.

I kissed her back so hard, giving her the brown mouth that she wanted so much, trying to turn on my lover, my sweet mommy Natalie and my hands were inside her robe and she had parted her legs so I could love her right back. I had forgotten how slick her shaved pubis was; I was in love with the tactile, sensual feel of her wet, slick baby smoothness. We were saying "I love you" back and forth with our hands in each other's pussy's, sharing the deepest and nastiest kiss ever in history.

I came again under her tender ministrations, humping and jerking my hips against her fingers, and not to soon after that I was rewarded but the pulsing contractions of her vagina on my fingers. I made my lovely mommy Natalie come! I was a good girl and she would love me! Everything Candace had poured into my head was true; the programming she had done on my soul when she manipulated my sex was utterly fulfilled here. I could taste Candace in my mouth and hear her in my mind's ear as Natalie and I both came down from incredible highs.

We calmed down some then, still gently touching each other, and broke our kiss.

Her lips and chin were stained brown and messy; her little red tongue snaked out looking for more nastiness. My glance flew down to her gorgeous shaved pussy, and my eyes and voice said:

"Please?"

"Is that what you want to do jenny? Brown and dirt my nasty cunt lips with your nasty brown mouth?"

"Oh please yes. Please let me, I love you so much Natalie; I love your sweet pussy and want to please it. Let be nasty down there. Let me show you with my mouth how much I love you. I can't show you how much I love you until you use my mouth!"

And so there on the tile I knelt and came face to lips with the object of my affections. Vis a vis. Her sex was SO beautiful; swollen lips sticking out of a smooth and puffy pudenda. I licked and sucked her to a shuddering orgasm, and after she came down I looked up, sniffed and said her cunt stank like Candace's shit now. Oh that got her. She groaned and shoved my face back in there for another round. We were possesed, filled with a lust that really was like a madness, made us keep going until finally (hours later?) we had to rest; I lay in her arms on the couch, mouth to mouth. We murmured sweet nasties to each other as we drifted into a nap, both our noses filled with the sick stench of another woman's shit; fingers still stuffing each other as our legs over-lapped.

The empty hole in my heart was filled up.