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They say that mankind has always wondered whether or not it was the only intelligent life form in the universe. Of course this is hogwash, we never even admitted that the stars were like our sun only further away until the last couple centuries. The Guest would have found it very amusing that some of the man-apes of a small blue-green orb argued that he didn't exist because a passage in a book over 2,000 years was interpreted to mean their wouldn't be. The fact that the book was written before anyone knew what a star really was, and that the author was botching a metaphor for goat herding when he wrote it, was apparently completely lost on this group of man-apes. None of the man-apes of the planet they called Earth were even remotely aware that The Guest was about to render the debate entirely moot.

The Guest wasn't worried about what man-apes thought, just the sudden damage to his ship that reduced his plans from a standard delivery of Hynerian Silk to Plosh 5, the casino planet, to choosing which planet the upcoming star system he would crash into. He considered the largest gas giant for a long time, then the ship detected that the rock-planet-sized core was the most solid of the four carbon crystal forms his people had found. The man-apes of the third world would have been very interested to know this, as they had not found all 4 of the carbon crystal forms and called the one The Guest had detected "Diamond", but The Guest just cringed at the thought of crashing into one of the hardest natural materials his people knew about and moved on.

Then the computer found the third world of this uncharted system. The air was for the most part too dry and too cold for him to live there, but it was warm enough for liquid water and with a little luck it would only be a temporary visit anyway. Aiming for as close to the middle of the largest body of water the computer could find, he strapped in and said a few words what would probably translate into very naughty ones, as the planet got closer. Then the computer detected that this planet should also be avoided because there were self-aware organisms that were smart enough to use atomic energy, but dumb enough to kill each other in large numbers in nasty affairs called "Wars". The Guest agreed with the computer that the self-aware organism world would have best been avoided but by the time this was detected it was much too late to change plans. The Guest, seeing nothing else better to do, screamed out a few more words that would not translate into very nice ones and prepar!
ed to crash.

The Guest had hoped that the self-aware beings would have not noticed his ridiculously-large-for-one-occupant ship crashing into the middle of an ocean. Unfortunately when the Astronomy Department of the University of Hawaii at Monoa spots an incoming obviously artificial object the size of a 4-story mansion, they tend to not look away. The fact that the object crashed close enough to affect the local surfing tends to cause problems as well. To make things absolutely perfect for The Guest, stated dripping with what we call sarcasm, his ship floats in seawater.

At first the governments of the world did their usual finger pointing, accusing each other of terrorism or nukes or other nasty things. The good news was they decided to get a good look at his ship before blowing it up. The bad news was they wanted to get a good look at his ship. With barely enough power to keep life support going even with importable air and maybe some basic computer functions, an old tugboat that happened to be available into harbor towed the ship that once flew across light-years. The fact that the old captain that would be the first man to touch alien technology had argued against the existence of aliens that very morning was unknown to anyone but himself, and has no bearing on this story.

During the trip to the harbor the computer noted a few things to The Guest, who was not told about the decision to just study his ship and was worrying about being dissected while he was still alive when the computer's voice made a few notes. The atmosphere was surprisingly similar to his home world and actually had an 87% probability of not killing him within seconds of leaving the ship. The air was dryer then his home world, but being near the world's biggest ocean meant this particular area was no worse then a light desert region. The air was also much colder then on his home world, where 150 degrees Fahrenheit was agreed by all members of his race to be unpleasant but not unheard of. Then, like a servant dying at the least opportune time but happily serving their master in some way they don't realize to be completely useless, the computer died with a happy beep as the ship ran out of power.

Unable to do so much as turn on a light bulb, let alone open the doors and escape before the self-aware beings come inside. His mind racing with images of sharp pointy things yielded by green multi-tentacle beasts, he does the reasonable thing and panics. With emergency power running things like life support and the automated repair system, this move was surprisingly sensible.

Meanwhile outside the ship, the humans were planning all sorts of nasty things for The Guest involving guns and bombs. They yelled at it with their speakers and blow horns and other devices but the ship didn't peep. The liberals surrounded the whole affair with signs and songs about peace, brotherhood, and all those silly things while the conservatives wondered if any occupants were godless terrorists. In the end it didn't matter one bit, as the ship was unable to listen to a single peep. What the ship could do however was quite interesting.

The technician who set up the ultrasonic array just thought he forgot to set up one of the dishes. If he wasn't the third stringer he would have done better, but since both the better strings were fighting in some war that The Guest could only guess where on the planet we shouldn't be surprised at the poor quality. What the tech didn't realize is that the ship actually formed an orifice and ATE the dish. Then little machines started analyzing the dish . . .

Three days later the list of missing gear was definitely noticed by the humans. No personnel were missing, but Radio Shack would have been quite shocked at the list. The Guest noticed when the ship's power came on; interrupting the 14th will he was finishing. The Guest found it even more unsettling that the door mechanisms were opening. The Guest tried to reason with the computer, but the computer merely beeped happily- insisting that it had calmed the Earth people down. It had to offer limited access of it's data to the self-aware beings called humans but it would be worth it. The elements it would need to repair itself in exchange for knowledge didn't seem like a bad deal. Knowledge was free after all, and Hynerian silk was not.

The Guest scolded the computer for making this decision without him, but the computer insisted that the humans would not have listened to an actual alien- they were having big enough problems with the illegal aliens as it was. The Guest would have gone further into this discussion but then The Guest saw his first human coming in through the now underwater hatchway.

Now The Guest had seen much of the universe. He'd seen a planet where the inhabitants were basically living clouds of methane. He'd seen another where intelligent singing crystals were the best way to describe the inhabitants. He even tried having a conversation with being's from a neutron star but failed as those beings were microscopic, lived entire generations in a few seconds, and disintegrated at the slightest force when away from their home. The Guest had seen beings of every shape and size, but it was the familiarity that surprised him the most. These Humans were shaped just like his own people! As far as he could tell from the ship's recorders their skin was colored in the hues of the fish on his world instead of the rich patterns of blues and greens his race normally had and their hands and feet tended to be smaller and have less digits but the similarity was still amazing! The computer informed him that with an infinite universe the odds of finding a world wher!
e the dominant life form was so similar was very low, but the odds of it existing were essentially 100%, chirping happily.

Then The Guest made a discovery he liked even more. Apparently the humans found the inside of his ship too hot and balmy to continue to wear their diving suits, and most other clothes for that matter. The female humans were close enough to his own kind that he actually caught his breath when one of the females stripped down to just what would be required to stay modest in their culture, as happily chimed in by the computer.

Now normally The Guest studies the cultures of other worlds very well and tries to follow their rules when visiting their world. Normally there's a more solid foundation to understanding the culture then the half-educated guess of the ship's computer but normally he does try. However, and he kicked himself for agreeing to this, he'd been away from his home world for 9/10ths of his home world's orbit and was not scheduled to return for another 3/10ths. Finding a good space hooker that didn't look like it was going to eat him proved unusually difficult this time. Thus being a male that hasn't had sex in almost a year and unknowingly proving that men are all alike anywhere you go he did the completely natural thing. He decided to lie. Being the sexually adventurous sort, he decided to lie a lot. He told the computer to "remind" the humans that clothing was optional on his world. The computer objected at first, but the improvised promise of upgraded hardware shut it up. !
He stripped down to complete nudity and hoped 4.7 Impars (10 inches) was well endowed for humans.

You'd think first contact with an extra-terrertrial race would have been a dignified affair loaded with pomp and circumstance. Details differ from person to person but not one person would guess it would have been like this. A group of 5 mostly naked, and mostly female thanks to the good-ol'-boy system, 3rd string coast gaurd technicians and an alien that was essentially a completely naked man with blue-with-green-stipes skin. The fact that all communication had to be done through a computer that was at best guessing only made the situation more awkward.

Well, one thing happened that made things more awkward. The Guest really was trying to surpress a boner for the moment, he really did need some help with fixing the ship after all, but the first humans to actually see an alien also got to be the first humans to see a blue-green alien man with a rather effective looking erection.

Now, being professionals, they did manage to supply the ship with better Earth tech so the alien database would be at least partly compatible. They even managed to arrange facilities for any humans that would be on the ship, like enough drinking water to live confortably despite the sweltering humid 125 degree heat in the ship. The fact that it became nessecary to remove as much clothing as they could get away with was innocently shrugged off by The Guest.

Now we should take note of a Mrs. Patricia Williams. She was a coast gaurd tech working with The Guest. In fact she's the one who gave him the name the humans would know him by, The Guest. Mrs. Williams was beautiful, independently wealthy, educated, and had the unfortunate luck to actually succeed in keeping her virginity until marriage. They tried to make it work, they really did, but the fascination Mr. Williams had with obcsenely large cars and crazy big guns should have been a clue. His penis was amazingly small and he was a horrible lover. Now The Guest on the other hand was very well endowed and they had begun counting how often he got an erection. It struck her as odd that an alien would be that aroused by a human and she assumed that it only looked like an erection. She assumed it was their version of waving hello or farting or something equally silly. However, being the smart girl she was she simply asked the computer.

Now the computer, being honest by nature, stated the truth. He was having erections, humans and his race were surprisingly similiar biologically and hasn't seen a female of his race in flesh-and-blood for almost a full orbit of his homeworld. The computer, also again being honest, also told The Guest questions were being asked about his kind and wondered how in detail it should be. The Guest, thankful that only the computer had any idea what the anyone was saying at any given moment, told it to translate what she asked and use his responces for the rest of her inquiries. As a result Mrs. Williams was soon under the impression that the race of The Guest went completely free love after conquering all disease and males that can't perform sexually to the point their partners have twice as many orgasms as they do are actually looked down upon. The part about conquering all disease was true, and the Guest's homeworld is a bit less prudish then ours overall but nobody that knew !
better and was willing to share that was within a couple hundred light-years.

Well, Mrs. Williams was sold. Being the smart girl she was, she found a room where she was alone and asked the computer to open up a communication channel with The Guest and to translate. At first the request to store small animals in the ship seemed off to The Guest, but that was because of a faulty translation. Mrs. Williams left with the others at the end of the day, went home to her boring husband, waited until dark, told her boring husband she was visiting her mother, drove out to an ungaurded beach near the ship, changed into her skimpiest swimsuit, donned some fins and an oxygen tank, and swam out to the ship's underwater hatchway.

There she became a woman with many of humanities firsts to her name. She was the first human to be strip naked in front of an alien. The first person to press her naked body onto the naked body of an alien. The first person to kiss an alien. The first person to discover that The Guest's tongue was forked for about the first inch. The first person to lay inside a hyperspatial gel bed. The first person to suck an alien's erect member. The first person to cuckold her husband with an alien. The first person to deep throat an alien cock while massaging his balls. The first person to willingly make an alien orgasm, although unwillingly that belongs to an italian nun in the 1500's who was unfortunatle enough to discover how perverted greys really are. The first person to willingly swallow an alien's semen, again those damn greys. The first person to recieve cunnilingus from an alien. The first person to feel both halves of a slightly forked tongue independently manipulate a cli!
tiros. The first person to orgasm because if the attentions of an alien, something the greys never accomblished. The first person to willingly take an alien's cock into her pussy, yep those crazy greys again. The first person to feel pleasure as an alien gently pushed in and out. The first person to orgasm from intercourse with an alien. The first person to orgasm twice from intercourse with an alien. The first person to orgasm doggie-style with an alien. The first person to let an alien shoot his semen into her hungry pussy. The first person to experience afterglow with an alien. Finally the first person to have sex multiple times with an alien. There were probably many others, but you get the idea.

Finally managing to leave just before dawn, she arrived at her car with just enough time to report in for work and nobody be any wiser. That is until she told her friends about the stud from another world. They told their friends, they told their friends, etc. Soon it became known all over Monoa that if a woman could swim to an underwater hatchway she'd get an amazing lay with a stud from another planet. Thanks to the internet, it wasn't long before it was known all over the world. According to rumor movie stars, local surfer girls, pop stars, lady scientists, foriegn busniesswomen, bored housewives, even the Bush twins all slept with The Guest.

But not all things last forever. The ship's repair systems completed their function and The Guest was ready to return to the stars. The human race was already making huge leaps and bounds in technology thanks to knowledge from the ship. Energy problems were vanishing over night and new ideas flowed from all over the world. Humbled by the knowledge we are not alone, the human race calms down.

That is until the Bush twins both turned out to be pregnant. Seems the race The Guest hails from conquered disease with microscopic machines. These machines seem to think that humans are just damaged Guests with a few mutations and damaged fertility. The Guest left none the wiser that he had fathered 37 more Guests, one in every human he slept with. Thanks to the new communications technology, the human race got to enjoy the first intergalactic child support trial within a few years. Opps!