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AN ARTICLE HOSTED BY IMPREGNORIUM.NET KIDS WON'T EVER KNOW THEIR DAD Alison Gallagher, 42, had been single for six years when she chose to have children using an anonymous sperm donor. Now mother of 16-month old twins, Lucia and Katie, she candidly explains her life-changing decision. Like most women, I'd always hoped that, one day, I'd meet the right man, fall in love and have children. I definitely knew that I wanted to be a mother. But when Prince Charming didn't turn up, I decided that I'd have the princesses first! When I split up with Pete, my boyfriend, it suddenly hit me: "I'm 36 and I want children and the clock's ticking." We had talked about having a family, but deep down I knew our relationship wasn't going anywhere so decided to end it. At the time of the split, I was made redundant, too. I spent my redundancy money on a trip around Costa Rica and Central America.
'I was 39 and hadn't met anyone
I wanted to settle down with' When I was in Costa Rica I became good friends with a local woman, Simonia. She was a single mum of six. To ease her load, I used to take three of her girls to play every day. Over the next 18 months I went back to visit them several times. More and more, I realised I wanted children of my own. Apart from a brief fling, by 2003 I was 39 and hadn't met anyone I wanted to settle down with. I felt stronger emotionally and I was still set on becoming a mother. By then I had a busy job as a marketing co-ordinator and didn't have the time, or inclination, to go on lots of dates. If I wanted to fulfil my dream, I knew Id have to be a single mum. I weighed up the options. Asking a male friend to help me was never a consideration. There was no one I could ask - and not only is it a huge request, it's also filled with potential complications. I considered adoption - I wasn't necessarily set on being a biological mother. My mum was very supportive and said she was perfectly happy to have an adopted grandchild. But after some initial research, I realised what was involved and wasn't even sure whether, as a single woman, the agencies would consider me suitable. So I thought: "There's one other option: anonymous sperm donation."
'I wondered if it was selfish' I wondered if it was selfish to bring a baby into the world, knowing that he or she would grow up without a father. But I thought: "I've waited 40 years. Am I supposed to never be a mother?" I went through a 'mourning period' as I came to terms with the idea that I would have to be a single mum. I knew some people might not agree with my decision. But I'm a loving, caring person and financially independent. I knew I'd be a good mum. I made an appointment with a private fertility clinic to discuss the possibility of having a baby with a donor. I was told that, because of my age, it might take several attempts and there was a 20 per cent chance of twins. All I knew about my prospective donor was that he was over 6ft tall, fair-haired and blue-eyed. My only concern was that he had passed basic medical tests, such as HIV. After that first appointment, my mind was made up. I rang Mum and she said: "All I want is for you to be happy." When I was due to ovulate I went back to the clinic, with my best friend Isabelle, for my first insemination. It only took half an hour and was like having a smear test. Isabelle drove home and I kept my legs propped up against the door, as we laughed about how the sperm had to 'swim to their objective'! Isabelle made me lie on her sofa for four hours with my legs up. I still joke that she should be paying me maintenance, as the pregnancy was her doing! I wasn't meant to take a pregnancy test for a fortnight, but by day 11 I just couldn't wait. No blue line appeared and an hour later, I was about to throw the stick away, when I saw the faintest of blue lines. Still unsure, I asked Isabelle if she could see something. "Yes, I can!" she yelled and zoomed in on it with her camera, to be sure.
'There were times when I wished
I had someone to share it with' I was overcome with fear - how would I cope on my own? I had no partner to help, no family close by, only one wage. I suddenly felt daunted. At three months, I had to break the news at work. I didn't say I was expecting twins at first because I was scared of the reaction. I also didn't want my colleagues to know I'd used a sperm donor. They knew I'd had a brief relationship, so assumed he was the father. My dad thought the same. I explained it wasn't my ex's baby, but that I was very happy and didn't want to go into details. He was just so excited about becoming a granddad, he was happy to leave it at that. I eventually told two of my most trustworthy colleagues the truth and all of my close friends, too. As the pregnancy went on I felt a mixture of excitement and fear. There were times when I'd lie on the sofa, feeling my babies kick, and wish I had someone to share it with. But I'd often think: "These kicks are all for me!" I started to make plans and decided I'd get a daily nanny and began to get the nursery ready in my flat. My mum was with me for the birth. After 17 hours, I gave birth to Lucia and Katie. Mum was in tears videoing me. I was exhausted, but when I looked at the girls I just thought: "I can't believe they're all mine!" Mum stayed with me for two weeks and it was a whirl of nappies and feeding. But maternal instinct took over, and I would look at my babies and feel utterly content. I had six months' maternity leave and now I'm back at work. My nanny, Wendy, is brilliant and the girls adore her. They're very different: Lucia's a little devil, Katie is more cautious. When we are out they attract attention, being twins and because they're so striking. Katie is a redhead, and Lucia's blonde like Mum. Once, when two old ladies asked me if they looked like their dad, I said: "No, I'm a single mum by choice." They were lovely and one said: "My daughter had fertility treatment, too." Of course I wish I'd met someone and fallen in love, but I'm so proud of my girls. I wish my family lived nearby, but I have good friends who keep me company and Isabelle is godmother. I sometimes worry they may get teased at school, but our family life is normal to them and they're the happiest little girls you could imagine. When they're older, if they ask: "Why haven't I got a daddy?" I'll tell them a kind donor helped them come into the world. They'll always live with not knowing half their genetic make-up and I will sympathise with them. But I'll also tell them how very, very special they are.
Sperm donor conception - what
you need to know
Costs vary from clinic to clinic,
but at London's Guy's and St Thomas' Hospital NHS Trust Assisted Conception
Unit, prices are around:
Other charges may include: TOTAL COST: £977 to £1,177
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