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From: Won Tolla <WegianWarrior@gmail.com>
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Subject: FUR: Repost, Stranger among strangers, full text (chapter 21-30 / 40)
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===================

20
I awoke at first light the next day. Much to my surprise, and delight,
Kidera was no longer using my chest as a pillow. Instead she was
slumped on the ground hardly an arms length away from me, sleeping
soundly. Carefully I sat up and looked around me. A couple of lupas was
standing guard, but seemed more intent on looking into the camp than
out of it. Peering into the flat light I could see Banradàs sitting on
his haunches next to the recumbent form of Xaviera, just as we had left
him, gently rocking to and from. In the almost complete silence that
engulfed the area, I could almost make out the words in the monotonous
sound of his song. I smiled to myself. If that was what the El'ane
considered to be singing, music would not be their strong side. I
prepared to stand up and walk over to him, when something made me stop.
As I had moved, the medallion Brætàs had given me had brushed against
my skin. It was rather warm, almost as if it had been laying in the sun
for a whole day. Gingerly I took it out and looked at it. The front was
unchanged, but when I turned it around I almost dropped it in shock.
The scratches I had noticed on the reverse was not only visible, they
were glowing red. Four lines of what seemed like letters, but written
in a hard, angular alphabet I did not recognise. For some reason I felt
uneasy about the shape of the letters, as if I ought to have understood
them. I shrugged and put the medallion back under the fabric.
"It has been... I mean, he has been sitting there all night
Lieutenant."
I turned and looked into the worried face of Bantam. His eyes were red
and dull, as if he had been awake all night
 "Do you think it... he, I mean, can heal her?"
I pondered his question for a long time while I looked towards
Banradàs.
"What you really ask is 'do you trust him', are you not?"
Bantam just nodded.
"To be honest with you Bantam," I sighted as I went on, "I don't know.
For whatever it is worth, he came when we needed him, and he did not
refuse to do as I asked."
I turned to look straight at Bantam, trying to understand why he was
worried over Xaviera. Yes, she was his superior officer, but it was
Kidera he was taken by was it not? Unless he thought that I would
choose Xaviera, leaving Kidera to his dreams.
"Anything beyond that is mere speculation. You watched him all night?"
Bantam just nodded again, his eyelids sagging. I scratched my growing
beard, then muttered halfway to myself.
"He don't seem to be finished yet. Get yourself some rest, I'll wake
you when we must leave."
As he folded over, I slowly walked over to the El'ane. Banradàs was
sitting whit his eyes closed, seemingly unaware of his surroundings. He
held his outstretched arms over Xaviera, and a taste of tin hang in the
air. I quietly knelt on the Xaviera's other side, letting my gaze
travel over her body. The bandages had been removed, and I could see
fresh, pink skin where the wound in her chest had had been. The wound
on her leg was closed too, with merely a furless patch to show where it
had been. The cut in her head, on the other hand, was still there.
Wondering, I slowly extended my hand, intending to feel along the
healed wound in her leg. Feeling an odd tingling as my fingers neared
her skin, I quickly pulled back. I settled in to wait, idly pondering
over what I had experienced the last few weeks.
"Done it is."
My eyes snapped open, and I looked straight at Banradàs.
"She is healthy? Then I owe you many thanks Banradàs."
He inclined his head deeply as he answered.
"Flatface ask, El'ane must give. Bushytail live wills."
I looked at Xaviera, still deep asleep. Silently I pointed to her
head-wound. He looked briefly at it and then at me.
"Wound dangerous not. If sing over head me does, matters worse makes.
Wood long away is."
He suddenly prostrated himself onto the ground and started talking
fast.
"Flatface not pleased is? Banradàs failed? Me gri begs."
"Gri?" I asked confused as he squirmed on the ground.
"By blade dies," he said softly, "with honour dies."
"No," I almost shouted, "no gri. In fact, no death.
 Slowly he got back onto his knees, his head hanging low.
"Banradàs understands. He without honour is. Never he his ancestors
meets."
I shook my head.
"No Banradàs," I said slowly, weighting every word as I spoke, "I am
most pleased with your work. You have not failed, but made great
success. Go tell Brætàs I'm happy with whom she sent."
He stood up, joy at my feeble praise shining in his face, his tail
standing high and proud. As he made a final bow and left, I tried to
remember what other thing I was supposed to talk to him about.
As the sun rose higher, the troopers started to wake up. Soon the low
murmur of their talk could be heard and the smell of food replaced the
lingering aroma of tin. Casting one long glance at Xaviera, I walked
over to grab me something to eat. Having secured me an ample amount, I
sat down next to Kidera and started eating. After a while she opened
her eyes and looked at me, her face radiating gentle joy. Without
saying anything, I offered her a loaf of bread.
"I had a pleasant dream tonight Hans," she said as we sat side by side
eating, "I dreamt you had let me claim you."
I did not reply for a long time, concentrating on eating.
"Dreams are a strange thing Kidera. But life is for real,» I muttered,
«dreams are just dreams."
She tilted her head to one side as she moved her lips.
"I do not understand you," she said in a low voice, "surly dreams are
as real as everything else?"
I sighted and looked at her. They reminded me of so many things, both
she and Xaviera. Then I shrugged.
"We see dreams as no more than dreams. Visions in our mind that may or
may not be true. But I guess you can't understand what I mean when I
say that either."
Kidera giggled and leant onto me, her head on my shoulder.
"No, I don't," she admitted, "but we see dreams as true."
"You haven't asked about how Xav is doing?"
I prompted her, trying to change the subject away from her dream.
Kidera shrugged and put her arms around my torso.
"I know someone would have told me if something happens. Has the dark
one left?"
I tried to untangle her arms as I replied "Banradàs? Yes, he told me
she will be alright, then he had to leave."
Suddenly another pair of arms engulfed me as well, and Xaviera hugged
me from the other side.
"I must thank you Hans," she murmured into my ear, "I told you; you
have some magic in you."
I shook my head, then twisted both her and Kidera's arms away.
"It was not me Xaviera," I told her, "but Banradàs, an El'ane singer."
"But I remember you looking at my wounds..."
Her voice tapered off, then returned with full strength.
"El'ane? You mean a dark one?"
I nodded as I stood up.
"Kidera can tell you about it," I said, "I must make some much needed
use of that bush over there, and then I promised to wake Bantam."
The sun had passed zenith as Xaviera positioned her horse next to mine.
She seemed to take the riding well enough, even if she still looked
weak and ragged.
"I still believe I owe you thanks Hans," she said softly, "even if it
was not you whom healed me, the dark one would not have helped me if
you had not told him to."
I shrugged, almost loosing my balance.
"I just wish I understood how they knew I needed help. But consider
this Xav; if I had not been here so he had agreed to heal you, you
would not have travelled through Dourwood."
"And?" she asked, not understanding what I meant.
"Then you would not have visited Eastoak," I pointed out, "so you would
not have meet Zoe."
Her eyes darkened as I mentioned the name, she barred her teeth and her
ears stood straight up.
"And if you had not meet her," I went on, "you would not have needed
help from the El'ane in the first place."
She remained silent for a long time, before she finally spoke.
"I think I see... but I still owe you my life, I feel."
I scratched my beard as I smiled.
"I don't know why. As my enemy, I ought to be happy to see you join the
Faceless God."
Xaviera looked at me for a small eternity, then looked down at the mane
of her horse.
"I don't look at you as an enemy anymore Hans," she whispered, "I look
at you as... as..."
Suddenly she looked up at me, her eyes cold and her voice hard
"Why can't you not do it Hans? Why must you let me suffer like this?"
She dug her heels into the flanks of her horse before I could ask her
what she meant, disappearing in front of the other riders.

21
Xaviera insisted on riding well into the night, trying to catch up some
of the time that she thought lost. I could see that she was not really
up to it, but when I mentioned it to Bantam he just shrugged.
"She is the general," he said, "and if she says 'ride', we must ride
until she says 'stop'."
I thought about telling Xaviera herself, but she seemed to be avoiding
me again, riding side by side with Kidera all the time. I felt
conflicting thoughts and emotions battle for dominance inside me. On
one side I was really worried for Xaviera and her health, and strangely
fascinated by Kidera's weird attempts at trying to understand me. On
the other hand, they were enemies and I was their captive. As I
considered what might happen once we reached Enyo, I decided I had to
remind myself of that. After all, they had been quite willing to tie me
up at Eastoak, had they not?
The moon had almost reached it zenith when we finally stopped for the
night. Yawing, I slid of the horse and grabbed my rolled up blanket,
thinking of nothing more than to find a nice spot and get some sleep.
Kidera, on her side, had a different plan. She slid silently up to me
just as I had rolled my blanket out next to a bush, and the next thin I
new I was laying on my back with an enraged vixen on top of me.
Puzzled, I raised my hand to my chin, tenderly touching the cuts her
claw-like nails had left.
"Kidera," I muttered, "that was... unexpected..."
"I told you before," she hissed between clenched teeth, her fangs
seeming larger in the half-light of the waning moon, "if you hurt Xav
like that one more time, I would get angry."
Pressing my hand against my chin to stop the bleeding, I deeply
considered her words.
"I don't understand..."
I got no further before Kidera interrupted me, leaning forward so her
muzzle almost touched my nose. The smell of her breath almost made me
sick.
"You understand. Ever since Dourwood you have done all you could to
make her feel worthless and insecure. About the only thing you have not
done is to cut her tail off."
I sighted, then tried to tell Kidera my view on the matter. This time I
didn't even get to open my mouth before she broke me off.
"Really Hans, I ought to tear your throat out. It will get me in
trouble, it may cost me my head, but then you can't hurt Xav anymore."
The thought of trying to fight her came and went. Instead I went to the
other extreme. I spread my arms wide out and tilted my head back.
"Go on then Kidera. I'm not going to stop you. Who knows? Compared with
might await me in Enyo, getting my throat ripped open might even be
enjoyable."
I closed my eyes and waited, hoping wildly that she would not take my
offer. Finally I opened them again, and looked at her.
"A lupa would have fought," she said slowly, as if she was having a
hard time figuring out what was going on, "or at least asked for a
circle of steel..."
"But I am no lupa," I reminded her, "and I will never be one."
Kidera straightened up, and sighted.
"My apologies Hans... I let my anger at how you threatened Xav blind my
judgement."
"I still don't understand what I've done to hurt Xav today," I muttered
as Kidera got herself off me and sat down beside the blanket, "and
whatever it was, I did not intend to hurt her."
Kidera sat in silence for a long time, then she nodded once and started
whispering.
"It's not what you did today Hans, it's what you did not."
"Well..." I muttered, "I did not kill Xav today, nor did I cut her tail
off... a strange expression, what does it mean?"
"Just what it says," Kidera whispered back, "it is the ultimate
disgrace to get ones tail cut off."
I shrugged, then carried on.
"Neither did I try to escape captivity today, nor did I lead an El'ane
invasion to burn Enyo down on the head of her sister... So I'm at a
loss to what I did not do that hurt Xav. As I try to tell you I'm not a
lupa."
Kidera giggled. The sound made me turn and stare at her, wondering is
she had lost her mind.
"You can't take things seriously, can you Hans?"
"No," I said, "I'm cut of from my world, my friends and family is
probably dead, killed by your people, and my captors seems to either
want to rape me or torture me. So to keep what little sanity I got, I
must make jokes to make life bearable. All things considered, I'm in
really deep shit."
Kidera sighted again.
"As far as I can smell, you're not covered in manure. But as you say so
often, I don't understand you."
I smiled to her in the darkness.
"No you don't, and I don't understand why or how I hurt Xaviera today."
Kidera's voice got serious again, even if her tail wagged on.
"You see... you have saved her life."
I remained silent, waiting for her to continue.
"More than once too... so she feels she owes you much... too much
maybe?"
I pondered this for a while, trying to make it fit into what I knew of
my captors.
"I can not explain you in a proper way, but my race would not look at
things quite that way... So what would a lupa in my situation do?"
"A lupa would never have gotten into it," Kidera said as she gently put
her hand on my shoulder, "a lupa would have made the claim a long time
ago."
"Let me see if I get hold of this," I said as my mind raced, "you are
saying she is hurt because I haven't 'claimed' her?"
I could barely make out Kidera's nod.
"But that is insane."
The words burst out before I could stop them, and I regretted them at
once.
"Hmm... maybe it seems like that for you," Kidera muttered, "but it
makes sense for us."
I sighted deeply as I rested my chin in my hands, looking briefly over
at Kidera.
"It does make a kind of sense," I finally muttered, "by saving her and
not claiming her, she believe me to not care about her?"
Kidera was silent for a long time, before she muttered.
"Not quite. To a lupa, you're actions says 'You are not worthy to be
claimed'. All in all Hans, you're telling Xav that she is worthless."
"But that is not what I intend at all."
"But as you like to tell me, you're no lupa. We are."
I shook my head, then stood up.
"I think I might ought to talk to Xav about this... if she is willing
to listen, that is."
Kidera lightly got to her feet as well, starting to guide me towards
Xaviera in the darkness.
"She'll listen for sure," she muttered as she pointed towards Xaviera
sitting on a small mound a little way off, "she'll probably do anything
if you tell her to."
I silently walked up to Xaviera and sat down beside her. Xaviera did
not move a hair, did not show in any way that she was aware of me. I
carefully considered my next move, weighting the need I felt to comfort
her against the fact that I was a prisoner of war. Finally I sighted
and extended a hand upwards, pointing towards the vast array of stars
studding the sky.
"They look the same from down here," I said softly, "but at the same
time they are in all the wrong places."
Xaviera moved her tail slightly, making a soft sound as it stroked
against the grass, but she did not say anything.
"Similar, but different. A fitting analogy for everything I do here, I
think."
This time Xaviera turned to stare at me through the darkness. I bit my
lip as I silently told myself to carry on.
"You see Xav, everything I do or don't do is the same, but you, how
shall I say it, reads it differently than a human would."
Xaviera stayed motionless. I cursed silently, seeing that she was not
going to make this easier for me. Throwing caution to the wind, I
plunged on.
"I've, uhm, I've had a little talk with Kidera a little time ago. She
was angry at me for hurting you."
As I talked, Xaviera gave some sort of reaction for the first time,
raising her hand to my face and gently touching the cuts.
"So, I guess I just want to... to tell you I did not mean to Xav. I'm
not sure what you have read into my actions over the last few days, but
I've never intended to hurt you, or lessen you in the eyes of others."
I sighted and gave her a weak smile she probably would miss in the
darkness.
"The problem is not that I don't care for you Xav, because I care more
than I like to admit to myself. The problem is that I forgets that you
are not a human."
Xaviera brought her muzzle all the way to my face, sniffing at the
cuts.
"Your blood smells differently..."
Her words was whispered in my ear, her voice filled with wonder.
Wondering for a second if she had even paid attention to what I had
said, I shrugged and muttered the only reply I could think off.
"That may be because I'm a human, not a lupa."
"I know," Xaviera whispered, "even if I too keeps forgetting. And you
are not making it easy to remember."
I put my arm around her and pulled her close, feeling how the tension
disappeared from her as she snuggled closer.
"Kidera seems to think I ought to 'claim' you," I said softly, "but
even if I would, I can not do that. Can you forgive me for it?"
"No," she said flatly as she put her arms around me, placing her muzzle
on my shoulder, "but I'll live with it as long as you don't claim
others."
"I have no intention of doing that...» I muttered as I started
stroking her back, «I'm your prisoner of war, remember?"
"I'll remember," she muttered as she started to doze off, "just as I'm
your captive."
I sighted as she started breathing heavily, and settled in for an
uncomfortable night. Seems like I had solved one problem and created a
bigger one for myself.

22
When I awoke the next morning I was still sitting upright, legs crossed
and leaning slightly forward. Xaviera was still holding her arms around
my waist, her head having slumped down into my lap. I carefully let one
hand stroke her muzzle and cheek, amazed with how soft and silky her
fur felt under my fingers. Slowly she opened her eyes and looked
straight at me, before she straightened up. I stretched out myself,
feeling how my muscles and joints protested after sleeping sitting up.
I gave Xaviera a smile as I forced myself to stand up.
"I'll regret this night,» I said as I extended my hand to Xaviera,
«my joints and muscles feels worse now than it did when you... stopped
me going home."
Xaviera shivered as I reminded her of how the rift closed. As we
started walking towards the campfire, where Bantam was seen preparing
something which even I could smell, she spoke softly.
"I could try to make you feel better, to... to take your pain away with
magic? Or the wound Kidera left?"
She raised her hand as she spoke and gently touched my face, sending a
short flash off pain through the wound. I shook my head already before
she finished speaking.
"No," I said, "if it don't hurt, I won't learn anything, will I?"
Her tail stopped moving as her muzzle dropped.
"What is there to learn?"
"Always remember Xav,» I replied as I patted her shoulder, «I'm not a
lupa. Therefore, nothing I say or do necessarily makes sense to you or
any other lupa."
I sighted as I looked at her bewildered expression, then finished.
"It makes sense to me."
She stared at me for a long time, then just shook her head and put her
arm around my waist again.
"I don't care if I'll ever understand you Hans," she muttered as her
tail started wagging again, "all I know is that I like being close to
you."
I disentangled myself from her, helped myself to some of Bantam's stew
and sat down to think. Xaviera seemed to be a little more at ease now
that I had told her that I cared for her, even if my actions might say
something else. On the other hand, this was really going to give me
trouble in my life as a captive. I smiled to myself; it was just my
kind of stupidity to become emotionally involved with someone
responsible for the ruination of my entire life, not to mention the
attack on my motherland. I sighted as I noted the others starting to
mount up; with my sore body riding would be even more unpleasant than
usual. As usually, Xaviera and Kidera rode in the front of the
troopers, while I tried to stay further back, and ended up riding next
to Bantam. He seemed to grin every time he looked at me or heard me
whimper as I moved my stiff body. As the sun neared its zenith I had
grown tired of it and tossed him a question in a rather hard voice.
"What is so funny Bantam?"
He cast a glimpse around him, then said in a low voice, as if he was
afraid to be overheard.
"She drove you pretty hard tonight, did she?"
What did he mean? I pondered upon his words. He could not be meaning
what I thought he was? Wincing from pain as the horse crossed a patch
of rocks, I studied him more closely. Bantam's tail was curled up
almost in a full circle, and was going from side to side. His ears were
standing up, and there was a glint in his eyes. No doubt about it, he
was enjoying himself immensely.
"Bantam," I asked softly, "what on earth are you talking about?"
The change in Bantam was almost magical. His tail stopped moving and
flopped down along the back of his horse, his ears sagged and he
dropped his head several inches.
"I meant no disrespect Lieutenant," he said at length, "but as the
other troopers tell me, there is only one reason why an officer and a
male spends the night away from the camp."
My heart dropped as I considered the implications of what he had said.
Whatever might await me when we reached Enyo could only get worse if
they suspected me to be having something going on with Xaviera, High
General of the Lupa armed forces. I fell into deep thoughts for a few
minutes, trying to figure out a way to stop these rumours.
"Assume me ignorant in these matters Bantam," I finally said, "what
reason is that?"
He did not hesitate for a single heartbeat before he answered.
"To mate of course."
Cursing under my breath I cast a look at Xaviera. She looked happy
enough from my vantagepoint, her tail high and moving slightly from
side to side.
"There are a number of flaws in your assumption," I informed Bantam,
"first of all its plain wrong. Second, I'm not 'a male' but an
officer in the Royal Norwegian Airforce."
"Don't worry Lieutenant," he said as he regained his grin, "you told me
before. That which happens between officers stays between officers."
"If you believe we did it,» I said slowly as I scratched my beard,
«which we did not, then the others may think we did it to..."
I looked at Bantam, who simply nodded. Shaking my head I muttered
halfway to him, halfway to myself.
"There are many reasons why someone might wish for a bit of privacy.
And I know for certain that women are far more complicated than your
assumption would indicate."
"Women, Lieutenant?"
This time it was his turn to stare at me. I sighted and tried to move
myself into a more comfortable position.
"That's a human word," I said, "it's what you call ladies, girls,
lasses, bitches, females, vixens and, on this world, officers."
"Oh."
He looked towards the front of the column.
"It's a good word," he said carefully, "but I'm not sure it sounds
right... You said 'a number of flaws' Lieutenant, but so far you only
mentioned two. What are the rest?"
Taken aback by his change of direction, I had to reroute my train of
thought.
"Well," I said after a while, "there is the fact that I am no lupa, and
all assumptions you make are bound to be tainted by your experiences as
one."
He nodded thoughtfully.
"This is the same you been telling Kidera, is it not?» he asked
softly, «That we can not understand you because we are too different?"
I smiled at him, showing my teeth.
"Very good," I told him, "did you eavesdrop?"
"I... I hear things," he muttered, "you and Kidera, Kidera and the
general... and she even talked to me about it once."
I gave him a sideways glance.
"It was the night after we had emerged from Dourwood," he explained,
"there had just been the... confrontation, and she talked to me about
how she didn't understand you at all."
I shrugged, and decided to change topics.
"I need you to help me Bantam, for Xav's sake."
He nodded, and I continued.
"She'll get in trouble if people believe she's... engaged with me,
since I'm a captive and all."
The fact that I too might get problems I decided to keep for myself.
"I think I understand," Bantam said after a while, "so you want me to
convince the troopers here that she is not? That will be difficult..."
"I'm sure you'll find a way,» I told him as I smiled, «I'll talk to
Kidera and Xav."
"Just remember Lieutenant, you orde... asked me to do this."
He rode of before I could ask him what he meant. Minutes later I saw
him busily chatting with a couple of the troopers. I let him to it and
moved my horse alongside Xaviera and Kidera. I was not looking forward
to the talk I was planning.

23
Glumly I sat down in the soft grass some way from the campfire. As I
had expected, my attempts at telling Xaviera that we should stop
spending time together had not gone well. Not wanting to make an issue
of it while we were riding, I told her that we ought to talk about it
later. Pondering on what to say to her, I realized that if I had gone
with Brætàs I would not have faced this kind of trouble. Thinking off
the El'ane, I brought fourth the medallion Brætàs had given me.
Barely looking at the front, I turned it over. The markings were barely
visible against the metal, instead of glowing like they had done when
Banradàs had been around. I looked around as I heard footsteps, and
sighted from relief. It was Xaviera all right, but with her came
Kidera. I smiled to myself as they sat down stiffly in front of me,
placing the medallion back under the shirt. Together Kidera and I ought
to be able to convince Xaviera that I was right. My smile froze as I
saw the look on Kidera's face. From the way it looked it seemed that I
would have to convince her too, and I was not sure I could do that.
Drawing upon my fine command of language, I kept my mouth shut. Without
knowing their state of mind, I could easily make this much harder for
myself.
"Alright Hans," Kidera said after a while, "why should Xav, and me too
I guess, stop trying to... how shall I say it so you can understand
me... get you to mate?"
"Rumours," I simply said as I looked at them, «among the troopers»
They both looked baffled by this, so I tried to explain what I meant.
"If Bantam is right, the word among the troopers is that you two
already have, to use your words, gotten me to mate."
Xaviera's jaw dropped, while Kidera snapped her mouth shut.
"It was perhaps to be expected," Xaviera finally muttered, "even if it
isn't true. Still, I cannot se any problem for us two."
"Me neither," Kidera agreed, «it may seem different to you though.»
"It is not much of a problem in this small group," I allowed, raking my
mind to find a way to convince them, "at least not for you two. But
what happens when we reach Enyo?"
They looked at me, clearly not understanding what I was trying to say.
That did not surprise me at all.
"The word will surly spread, and soon everyone will believe it."
I'll agree it is a bit... unusual for me,» Xaviera muttered as she ran
one hand along her muzzle, "but then you are a most unusual male..."
"It won't be the first male I'll had along the trail..."
"Thank you Kidera," I interrupted before she had the chance to tell
about the others, "but I'll still claim that I am different. But the
main problem I see here is for me, which indirectly means for you as
well."
Before any off us could say anything more, Bantam appeared. He dropped
quickly on one knee before he spoke.
"With your permission, General?"
Xaviera just nodded, and Bantam sat down next to Kidera. Looking at me,
but glancing towards Kidera all the time, he started to speak in
earnest.
"I've talked to some of the troopers Lieutenant, and they are no longer
so sure that you and..."
He cast a short glance at Xaviera, then looked down and continued, his
voice barely more than a whisper.
"... I mean... that... you know Lieutenant, what I told you they
believed before."
He looked flustered, twisting his tail in his hands while he looked
everywhere except at Xaviera or me.
"That is good," I assured him, "so what do they believe now?"
"This time he looked straight at me for a second before he looked back
down.
"I... I told them that you complained to me that the General's failed
attempts to get you to speak made your whole body hurt..."
His voice trailed off and he started twisting his tails even more.
Holding up a hand, I stopped Xaviera's remark before she had time to
make it.
"I... I hope you approve Lieutenant? It was the only thing I could
think off..."
"I think I can see why you choose to tell them that."
I leant backwards so I could look up at the unknown stars above me.
"Still," I muttered after I had considered the possible implications
for some minutes, "I really wish you had thought of something else. You
did good all the same."
The young pup stood up.
"If you have no further need of me?"
"I'll talk to you later about this Bantam,» Kidera muttered, «be sure
of that."
Silence descended between us for a while, until Xaviera broke it.
"So now they believe that I to want to hurt you Hans... I don't think I
ever could hurt you, not after what took place at Fourway Ford, not to
mention what you did in Dourwood..."
I closed my eyes, thinking hard.
"Neither do I, Xav."
Opening my eyes, I looked straight at Kidera.
"You on the other hand Kidera,» I said slowly, «I believe is
perfectly capable of doing it."
"If inflicting pain might help me understand you,» Kidera said softly
as she gave a shrug with her shoulders, «of course I would try..."
Lifting my eyebrows in disbelief, I stared at her face. She looked
serious as far as I could see in her inhuman features, but there was a
glint in her eyes. I cleared my throat, before I muttered a reply.
"The only thing you would learn is that you still wouldn't understand
me."
Kidera suddenly started smiling.
"Probably,» she acknowledged, «but I'll keep the idea in mind. I
might even enjoy, how shall I say it, playing with you."
I shuddered as I touched the scratches on my cheek. From what I had
experienced from her hands before, I knew that she was both capable and
willing to try. She might, as she pointed out, even enjoy it. I opened
mouth, but before I had any chance to try and talk her out of the idea
Xaviera spoke up in a firm voice.
"You'll have to go through me first Kidera. I realise now that I won't
let anyone hurt him."
I froze for a second. Then, like a drowning man who is reaching out for
salvation, I followed up on Xaviera's statement, barely taking the time
I needed to get the right angle on it
"I... I didn't know you felt that strongly for me Xav."
Holding my tongue while I franticly sorted my thoughts, I felt my
stomach starting to turn. Even if what I was about to tell her was
probably true, I still felt like I was misusing her feelings. Fitting
my gaze on her brown eyes, I cleared my throat.
"You do understand that I'm easier to hurt if they know how you feel,
don't you?"
Xaviera shook her head, and I saw moisture gathering in her eyes.
Lifting my gaze slightly, I saw that her ears were sagging. Cursing
myself for what I was doing to her, I continued.
"Then take my word for it Xav... For some reason I don't fathom, I feel
for both you and Kidera. It if as if you remind me of..."
I snapped my mouth shut and looked away, trying to swallow the lump in
my throat. Unbidden, old memories resurfaced and played havoc with my
feelings. I fought against them, trying in vain to regain control over
myself. Finally I turned back to the two vixens.
"Strange how old memories can come back, isn't it?» I muttered, «But
to the core of the matter: the fact that I... I feel things for you two
make me weaker. Any weakness can be used against me, and I really don't
like the idea of that."
Kidera and Xaviera stared at me for a long time, then at each other.
"Very well. I don't understand why or how you think we might hurt
you,» Kidera said at length, «but we both agreed before we came here
that we would honour your wish. It'll be... hard on us both, but
hardest, I believe, for Xav."
Looking down, I nodded.
"I appreciate that. Haven ridden with you these past ten days, I've
almost forgotten that I'm a prisoner of war. I've come to close to what
could be labelled treason. Now I must remember, and act like one
again."
"There is one thing here you don't seem to have considered," Kidera
said, "but I'll let you figure it out yourself."
Kidera stood up without another word and left. I looked at Xaviera, and
found her looking back.
"I've never wanted to understand you like Kidera does," she said, her
voice barely louder than a whisper, "after what you have done to me
since I... since I pulled my blade to match yours, I just want to be
near you."
She looked down, then dropped her voice even lower, making me strain my
ears to pick it up.
"I beg you Hans, let me spend one more night near you."
"Xav," I said, trying to sound calm, "that would be unwise. Surly the
troopers would wonder?"
She sagged even more together, nodding slowly. Then she suddenly looked
up, a weak smile in her face.
"We are but two nights away from Enyo. Would it not be strange if I
stopped trying to make you talk?"
Carefully I considered what she had said. Xaviera had out her finger
upon a weakness in my plan. Not wanting to tell her what to do, I
decided to let her take the first step.
After what seemed like ages, Xaviera pulled a short knife from
underneath her shirt and felt its edge.
"You better talk Hans," she said as she sidled closer, "what I want to
do to you is much less painful than what my sister might order..."
I grinned to her in the darkness, then said in a loud and clear voice
"My name is Hans Johansen, my rank is that of First Lieutenant, my
service-number is 194/030193. That is all the information you are
entitled to in accordance to the international treaties on the conduct
of war. It is also all the information I am willing to give."
Moving even closer, so her muzzle was scant inches from my nose, Xav
spoke softer.
"I'll better use this night to convince you then..."
Looking into her eyes, I dropped my voice to match hers.
"The torture of captives is also against international treaties."
Xaviera moved even closer, and whispered with a voice that grew husky.
"I'll better find another way to convince you then Hans..."

24
Xaviera did not try to hard before she stopped. When I hardly responded
to her caresses, other than to block the boldest ones, she seemed
content to sit next to me without saying much. The air was still warm,
and since the moon had not yet risen over the horizons, the stars shone
clearly.
"Xav," I said softly after a while, "will you tell me about your
stars?"
"Why Hans? They're just stars, dots of light to lend a little charm to
the night."
Placing my hand around her shoulders, I whispered into her ear.
"Please?"
She snuggled closer and raised her finger towards a small cluster of
stars in the south.
"Those are called 'the sisters'," she pointed towards a single reddish
star in an otherwise dark patch of the sky, "and over there is the star
we call 'the lone one'. The sisters are always following him, but he
always escapes."
I nodded, wondering if she was just telling me about the stars or if
she tried to say more. Xaviera had already starting to point out the
other stars and constellations, for the most part just telling me their
names. Finally she grew quiet again, and I laid back and tried to
sleep. Two things filled my mind. One was the fact that we were only
two nights from Enyo, the other was Kidera's last words. What was it I
had failed to consider?
I found myself walking among giant threes, whose large crowns were so
high as they were almost out of sight. Carefully I placed my hand on
the skin of the nearest, half expecting it not to be real. The bark was
warm and pulsating slowly, much like a heartbeat but much slower and
more subtle. I kept my hand on the three while I breathed slowly,
simply enjoying the feeling of life under my hand. Then a voice was
heard, softer and less loud than before.
"Man, thee hast still not chosened. Time grows short."
I did not move as I replied.
"That's right, but every choice I see before me has a drawback of some
sort."
"Your lack of choice is too a choice."
I thought about it for a while, searching for a suitable reply.
"True,» I said softly, «but it is a choice which leaves others open."
"For a time... which is why we brought thee here."
"And where is here then?" I asked. "Here is the place time forgot..."
As the voice died, I started walking among the threes. The wood of this
dream was unlike any other woods I had seen awake or asleep. Suddenly
something winged almost the size of a lupa came flying at high speed
between the giant trunks, passing scant feet's in front of me.
Startled, I stepped backwards and...
I awoke with a shout. Almost before I was finished both Kidera and
Xaviera was next to me, and I could see the others forming a rough
circle around the camp. Their naked swords shone in the last light of
the glowering embers. Swallowing hard, I tried to calm down enough to
talk.
"Just a dream," I gasped when I had gotten my breath back, "no need to
get all exited."
Kidera and Xaviera looked at each other, and then Xaviera muttered
softly.
"If you want someone to comfort you if the bad dream returns..."
I shook my head gently.
"It wasn't a bad dream... I just was startled by something in it."
I paused and looked at the two vixens, suddenly pondering on how far I
could trust them.
"I don't think it will return," I muttered at last, "these dreams don't
do that."
Xaviera took one long look at me, and I realised that she wanted
another reason to be near me. Would I ever understand her? Then she
turned and walked away, shouting profane commands to the troopers.
Kidera carefully sat down on her haunches and looked at me. Looking
back, I noticed that she looked very serious. Settling into a more
relaxed position I waited for her to speak her mind.
"'These dreams', Hans?"
"I rather not talk about it Kidera," I muttered, "it's... personal."
Reaching out, she placed a hand on my shoulder.
"I... I think I understand," she said softly, "your people separates
personal from public, just as you separates the reality you see in your
dreams from the reality you see when you're awake."
Nodding again, I remained silent.
"Xav told me something I found interesting just before you... woke up."
I looked at Kidera, waiting for her to go on.
"She said you asked her to tell her about the stars."
Nod.
"Why Hans?"
"Remember the first night on this journey? In the wagon, you claiming
on a promise I had made the day before?"
This time it was Kidera who nodded.
"Remember how I told you all the stars was wrong? Now... now I guess I
finally know in my bones that I'll never go back home again. Knowing
the stars is a step towards making this place my new home."
"I think I understood some of that," Kidera said softly, "but not
everything."
We sat in silence for a while, both of us looking towards the sky.
"Tell me about the sisters and the lone one Kidera,» I muttered after
several minutes, «Xav didn't tell me more than their names and hinted
at the fact that there is a story behind them."
Kidera moved closer to me and put one arm around my back.
"It's an old legend," she started, her voice sounding soft and warm in
the near darkness, "older than the empire itself. The legend is but
part of a larger legend, telling us how the empire began."
She increased the pressure on her arm, and since it felt like the right
thing to do I put my hand on her back, slowly stroking it.
"Once there was a queen whose realm was in the grey mountains..."
"Grey mountains?" I interrupted. "Just south of Dourwood. As I was
saying, her realm was in the grey mountains. The queen only had one
child, a son whose real name is lost to us now, and whose beauty and
knowledge were famed across all the nations. Many was those who had
asked for his hand in mating, but his mother, the mountain-queen, had
turned them all away."
Kidera stopped for a second as I raised my hand slightly and started
scratching her behind her ears.
"Mmmm," she murmured, "that feels really good."
Giving herself completely over to it for a few seconds, she just sat
and made happy little noises. Then she continued.
"In the neighbouring land, down in the grey marshes, lived another
queen who had seven daughters. All the daughters were as brave as the
bravest soldier, as good with the sword as the best swordsmaster and as
powerful magicusers as the gods themselves."
She made another little pause, and I looked up at the stars Xaviera had
pointed out. There was seven, but that did not surprise me.
"The queen of the marshes wanted the queen of the mountains to choose
one of her daughters to mate her son, so that she, or her offspring,
might rule over both nations. But the mountain-queen said her son had
to choose himself. So the seven sisters travelled to the mountains to
see him, each hoping to be the one who snared the son of the
mountain-queen."
Kidera half turned and looked at me for what felt like ages, before she
continued.
"Once they laid eyes on the young male, every single sister fell in
love with him. But he did not feel the same way for them, telling them
that his heart was already taken. The sisters tried all the things they
knew to change his mind, but neither their bravery, their skills nor
their magic could make the son of the mountain queen change his mind.
Then the sisters agreed that the vixen he loved in his heart must die,
so that he would choose one of them, thus joining the land of the
mountains with the grey marshes."
As I moved my hand down to Kidera's tail and started stroking it, she
paused again. I heard her breath growing heavier.
"One by one," she said after a little while, "the sisters tried to
following him to his loved one, but all failed until the youngest one
tried. She followed him far, all the way to the great forest that lies
south of the grey marshes. When he reached the edge of the river Quick,
his beloved one stood upon the other bank. The youngest sister saw that
it was a princess of the dark ones, and enraged she stood up and put an
arrow in her chest."
Kidera let her hand drop to my behind, and I felt it probe for a tail
that was not there.
"With her dying breath the dark princess, who knew all about the
sisters from her lover, magiced the son of the mountain-queen up into
the night sky, so he never would have to mate another. The youngest
sister returned to her sisters, and together they used all their magic
to follow him. But, as you can see, he had gotten there ahead of them,
and even if they run till the end of time, they may never catch up with
him."
I sat still for a long time after Kidera had finished. Finally I broke
the velvety silence.
"It was a beautiful story. Is it true?"
"When I tell it it's hardly more than a shadow of itself. Ask a
priestess to tell it to you once, if you have the opportunity."
Kidera sighted as I took my hand of her.
"If it is true I don't know."
I nodded to myself. At least the legend hinted at some connections
between the lupa and the el'ane, even if was far in the past.
"I think I will try to sleep now," I said softly to Kidera, "sleep and
prepare myself for Enyo."
Kidera gently stroked my hair, then left without saying anything more.

25
We were able to ride faster the next day, as the road got wider and was
tiled, instead of just stamped earth. For the others it meant that the
journey would soon be over, and that some rest and relaxation would be
available. For me it simply meant that I was rapidly approaching Enyo,
with whatever horrors that would be awaiting me there. Needless to say,
I was starting to feel depressed and homesick. Again I regretted not
joining Brætàs, but it was too late to do anything with.
As we halted for lunch, Xaviera came over to where I was sitting.
Sitting down behind me, she gently coughted as if she wasn't sure of
what to say.
"Why are you so sad today Hans?"
I did not look at her, but just shrugged. "Tomorrow we reach Enyo," I
muttered, "and who knows what might await me there?"
She moved closer and I felt her hands upon my shoulders, massaging
gently.
"Are you afraid?" she whispered into my ear.
Shaking my head, I muttered a reply.
"Not afraid I think, but..."
"Nervous?"
I tried to make sense off the feelings inside me, then I nodded
slightly.
"I think that is the best word for it... This time tomorrow I might be
in a damp cell."
Xavira's massage grew a little bolder as she whispered into my ear.
"I think not. We won't reach the castle until an hour after nightfall."
"Oh great," I muttered, "another half a day to worry in."
"I'm sorry," came her reply, "is there anything I might do to make you
stop worrying?"
As soon as I heard her question, I knew what answer she was hoping for.
One thing I was sure off, I was not about to give it to her.
"There is one small thing..." I told her after a while, "I haven't
tasted a drop of coffee in two weeks."
I felt her entire body sag down behind me.
"Coffee?" she whispered meekly.
"A mildly stimulating drink served hot,» I told her as I nodded,
«without it I'm not quite myself."
She remained silent, so I continued.
"Or a cup of tea would be nice, or maybe some cocoa."
"I know nothing of those things," Xaviera whispered, "are they drinks
to?"
Instead of replying, I went on in a voice tinged with longing.
"I'll even settle for an ice-cold coke, or a sprite."
Xaviera was thoroughly confused by now.
" Sprite? What do you want a sprite for?"
I chuckled as I shook my head slowly. Just then the others started to
remount, and I left Xaviera to try to get up on the horse myself.
Whatever else Enyo would bring, It would hopefully mean an end to this
business of riding large mammals.
As the sun finally dropped below the horizon, Xaviera called a halt. I
shuddered involuntary; knowing this would be the last night before I
had to face whatever that waited in Enyo. Rolling out my bedroll, I
simply dropped down on it and stared at nothing. I knew Bantam would be
busily preparing some stew or other food, but I just could not work up
the energy to walk over and get my share. In the corner of my eye I
detected someone moving, but before I could react two cardboard boxes
landed in front of me. I blinked, not daring to believe my own eyes.
There, in front of me, lay something I never had believed I would
witness again. Wrapped securely in plastic, one box measuring 20×10×5
cm, the other 10×10×5 cm. I scrambled myself into a sitting position
before I gingerly reached out and picked them up, not daring to believe
them to be real.
"A-pakka," I muttered with a large lump in my throat, "og B-pakka."
Carefully I turned them over in my hands, enjoying the link to my home.
"Tørrmat, pålegg og drikke... RSP... sjokolade... nødproviant..."
I looked up, tears in my eyes. Both Xaviera and Kidera were standing
over me, their tails wagging but not saying anything.
"Thanks," I finally muttered, "you know what this is?"
"We have seen some boxes like this on your world," Kidera said softly,
"and we think it is some sort of food, or at least containers for
food."
"It is much more than just food," I told the vixens as I tenderly
removed the plastic from the smaller box, not bothering to think off
what had happened to the soldiers whose combat rations they had seen,
"right here, right now it is life."
As carefully as I would take the panties of a quivering virgin I opened
the box, then I softly called out to Bantam, asking him to bring
boiling water and a cup. With a certain amount of ceremony I poured hot
water over the freeze-dried coffee, inhaling the aroma of home. I
closed my hands around the hot cup and looked at the vixens, smiling
with my entire face.
"You can't even begin to understand what this means to me," I said
softly as I raised the steaming cup to my lips, "I used to drink at
least eight cups a day back home..."
Closing my eyes, I let the hot coffee roll around I my mouth before I
swallowed, savouring the taste. I let out a deep, satisfied sight as I
opened my eyes again.
"Truly a drink for gods," I muttered as the two vixens sat down next to
me, "you wish to taste?"
I extended the cup towards Xaviera, who had placed her arm around my
waist. She just shook her head.
"No Hans, the smell is... not to my liking. Besides, I'm happy just
making you happy."
I grinned into the cup as I took another deep breath, knowing full well
what she was driving at.
"Kidera?"
Looking puzzled, she extended her hand. "I must admit I'm being
curious," she muttered as she lifted the cup to her muzzle and inhaled,
"it seems to have quite an effect on you."
Very carefully, she took one small sip. "It tastes unlike anything I
ever tasted before," she said as she handed the cup back, her face
contorted, "bitter and... No, I can't describe it."
Still grinning, I removed the plastic wrapping from the larger box and
opened it.
"Ah," I whispered to myself as I stared on the riches within,
"sjokoladen, den sparer jeg til siden, kjeksen, nødproviaten som jeg
tror jeg lar være, middagen... laupskaus står det... og RSPen..."
Both vixens were leaning forward to look better, Xaviera's hands still
round my waist.
"I wonder..." Kidera muttered. I looked at her, while I sipped the last
of the coffee, waiting for her to go on. "How can your soldiers live on
so little?"
Putting down the cup and picking up the can of RSP, I cleared my throat
and replied.
"This little can Kidera, this tiny metal can, has enough food to keep a
man alive for a day and night."
Seeing her disbelief clearly in her face, I continued.
"He might feel hungry, but he can walk and fight. And it tastes quite
good too, more than ever if you have the time to heat it in a pan..."
As I was cradling the tin in my hand, silently arguing with myself
whether I ought to open and eat it or not, I suddenly noticed something
in both vixens. They seemed kind of stiff, unnatural in their
movements. I tried to fix their gazes, and neither meet mine. Setting
the RSP down, I sighted.
"All right," I said softly, "you better spill it."
The only reaction I got was from Xaviera, hugging me tighter. Kidera
pretended to be studying the ground in front of her legs.
"Spill what Hans?» she muttered at last as she was looking away,
«I... I don't understand."
I looked at her, again failing to get her to see into my face.
"Kidera," I said softly, feeling how my fears grew, "I think you're
lying, but I will state things clearer."
Indicating the combat-ration, I went on.
"This is either a condemned man's last meal, or it's some sort of
bribe. I want to know which one, and I would enjoy being told why."
Much to my surprise, it was not Kidera whom answered first. Instead
Xaviera spoke up, her voice sounding like she was fighting not to cry.
"We reach Enyo tomorrow."
I put my hand on her shoulder, feeling a need to comfort her enough for
her to finish.
"We... that is I... I thought you would be more willing to submit if we
let you have... something from your world before we told you."
I nodded to myself. So, they tried to bribe me into giving them
something. Not wanting to say neither aye nor nay before I knew what
they wanted, I waited in silence.
"We think it is necessary that the populace knows."
I looked at Kidera, startled by her voice.
"And what,» I said, trying to make my voice hard, «should the great
unwashed masses be made aware off?"
As I spoke Xaviera started shaking beside me.
"By now they must surly have heard rumours of the loss," Kidera said
softly as she finally fixed my gaze and held it, "so they must see that
you are truly a captive."
Matching her stare, and trying to comfort Xaviera at the same time, I
muttered.
"I see, it's Eastoak all over again."
Grimly I pulled Xaviera's arms away from my body and rose to my feet.
Looking down on the two vixens I shook my head sadly.
"I might have been willing to consider talking about it," I told them,
"if you hadn't tried to buy me off like that."
Without looking at them, I turned and walked to the other side of the
camp before I sat down again.
After what felt like hours someone sat down beside me.
"Xav is all in tears back there," came Kidera's voice after a while,
"and I think you know what is the reason."
I shrugged without looking at Kidera.
"She ought to wake up and realise I'm not a lupa."
Kidera did not rise up on the bait.
"We could force you tomorrow,» she said simply, «you realise that?"
I shrugged again, trying to make some sense of the turmoil inside me.
"I wanted to do that, but Xav didn't want you to be hurt in any way."
Fighting down conflicting emotions, I spoke in a horse whisper.
"I don't like bribes... no matter if they are intended like bribes or
not."
I saw Kidera shrug in the corner of my eye.
"We didn't think of it as a bribe... more a way to put you in a good
mood before we tried to talk you into what we wanted."
Turning to look at her, I pondered for a long time.
"Let me guess," I said at last, "you want to tie me up again?"
She just nodded, her ears sagging and her tails lying along the ground.
"The last time I tried to fight you... but Xav went between us."
"She would do it again," Kidera said slowly, "but as she told me when
we talked about it, she no longer has any claims to make on you."
I stroke my hands over my face to hide my grin, knowing that I could
not really hurt Xaviera if I got the chance.
"As that approach was not an option," Kidera continued, "it seemed like
a good idea to try a new one."
"Don't misunderstand me Kidera," I said after I had pondered some more,
"I was, am, really grateful for tasting home again... but the idea of
being bought..."
My voice died away and I stared at the ground
 "I'm always misunderstanding you," Kidera said as she laid one hand on
my shoulder, "that's what making you so interesting to me."
As the last embers of the campfire died out, Kidera got to her feet
again. Looking down at me in the semidarkness, I got the distinct
impression that there was something she wanted to say. I got there
before her, muttering softly in the darkness.
"I'll do it Kidera, but on one single condition: I must be able to
see."
Turning my head, I looked up at her. She stood perfectly still for a
long time, then finally she sighted.
"I'll give you my word... I can't talk for Xav, but I don't think
she'll disagree."
I nodded and looked away again. Why did I feel like I had lost not just
a battle, but an entire war? I shrugged and started moving towards my
bedroll. I suddenly froze as solid as if Xaviera had stopped me with
magic again. On the blanked I had been given, curled up like a small
child, lay the general of the lupa armed forces, sobbing softly.

26
"It's one thing I don't understand Hans," Kidera told me as we started
riding after the midday halt the next day, "why didn't you go to her? I
saw you walk toward your bedding, so I know you probably saw her."
The idea to once again tell her she would never understand came and
went. For once the tone of her voice did not hint at curiosity, but at
barely concealed anger. I looked away as I muttered.
"I'm not sure. Partly, I guess, to protect myself. Maybe I wanted to
show Xav that I didn't like the idea of she trying to buy my
co-operation."
Still hearing Xaviera's sore sobs in my mind, I cringed with remorse.
"Right now I would say that it was a mistake... it might be that she
never saw it as a bribe."
I managed to raise my eyes to meet Kidera's, but once I saw the anger
burning in them I dropped my gaze again.
"Maybe I'll see it different tomorrow," I muttered, "but then again,
maybe I won't."
"She was in need of you last night," came Kidera's voice, her anger
even clearer, "not tomorrow. You have said that you care, but your
actions don't show it."
Breathing deeply, I fought down the impulse to yell at Kidera, to tell
her that my feelings could be turned against me. Instead I simply
shrugged.
"I know I've hurt her badly,» I said softly as I stooped myself from
sliding off the horse, «because if I hadn't you would not be this
angry. But have you even considered how much it might have hurt me?"
Fighting against both new emotions and old memories, I whispered more
or less to myself.
"Do you know how much it cost me not to comfort her? Or what it might
have cost me if I had?"
Kidera did not reply directly, instead she growled between her teeth.
"Know this Hans; the only reason I haven't draw blood from you for what
you did to Xaviera is the simple fact that it would hurt her more than
it would hurt you right now."
I stared hard into the mane on the mare I was riding. I wanted to tell
Kidera how I had stood still for almost an hour, trying to make up my
mind whether to talk to Xaviera or not, and that I had left first when
I was sure Xaviera was asleep. I wanted to make her understand that I
felt it was the best for Xaviera that I did as I did, to give her a
chance to recover before whatever awaited in Enyo caught up with me. I
wanted to keep both vixens at friendly terms with me and with each
other. But even if I wanted all this I kept staring into the mane, not
lifting my head until long after I had heard Kidera ride off.
While I was looking down I was thinking about all I had said to
Xaviera, all I had done to her and all I had done for her, trying to
catch a gleam of why. I got none the wiser, but as I thought about how
I had convinced Banradàs to heal her even if she was a bushytail,
something struck me. The marking on the medallion had glowed when he
was near, and not glowed when he was gone. Yet they could not glow just
because an el'ane was close, for I had not spotted them when Brætàs
gave me the medallion. The only explanation I could see was that it did
not react to him, but to what he did... magic. So, if the medallion
reacted to magic, it would be reasonable to suspect it would be magic
in it self. I searched my memory of Brætàs, trying to guess why she
would give me a magic medallion. Was she trying to influence me? Or
make sure I did not run of? Or maybe she had not realised it was magic
at all? I sighted, and decided to keep thinking about it.
When I finally lifted my head, I saw clear signs that we were
approaching a city. More and more fields could be seen, dotted here and
there by small buildings. As I turned my gaze towards the other riders,
I saw something which made my heart want to jump and drop at the same
time; Kidera was riding next to Xaviera, and they were clearly talking
to one another. If I had managed to make Kidera understand at least a
part of what I had tried to tell her, and she wanted to tell at least a
part of it to Xaviera, there might still be a chance that she might
understand why I had acted the way I had. If Kidera had not understood,
on the other hand, or would not pass it on... then the best I could
hope for was Xaviera's forgiveness. And she had forgiven me much her
culture, as I understood it, deemed unforgivable.
Sighting, I prepared myself for the worst, yet I made up my mind to
talk to Xaviera as soon as I got the chance, to tell her myself. She
would not understand my reasons, or even attempt to understand them,
but I could try to tell her about my feelings. Settling down, I looked
towards the two vixens, trying to read their backs. Kidera's motley
brown tail was curled up in a circle behind her, slowly moving from
side to side as she rode. The bushy white tail that belonged to Xaviera
on the other hand was hanging down the flank of her horse, almost
motionless. Her head too was carried low, her ears so flat that they
were almost hidden in her long, white hair. It was the first time since
Whitewater Ford that she wore it loose, instead of gathering it in a
knot. I winced involuntarily when she turned halfway towards me, her
hair partly obscuring her dark eyes. After looking in my direction for
some time, she turned toward Kidera and seemed to talk for some time.
Stretching out her hand, Kidera stroked Xaviera's shoulder a couple of
times. The result was imminent and somewhat disturbing. Xaviera's tail
and her ears moved up, and even if she was not wagging, she seemed like
she might do it.
For some reason the sudden change scared me more than many other things
would have done. My mind filled up with all the unpleasant reasons she
might have for acting like she was suddenly pleased with life.
Shivering under the heavy cloak, I reached under my shirt and grabbed
the medallion Brætàs had given me for good luck, and, if my
speculations so far was right, to keep some sort of contact. Holding it
so tight it almost cut into the palm of my hand, I concentrated on
Brætàs. Trying to remember her face, the sound of her voice, the way
the torchlight's had reflected in her reddish fur and even her musky
smell, I closed my eyes and attempted to reach out with my mind.
"Brætàs," I whispered softly, "if I ever need your help, I need it
soon. Otherwise I fear my unspoken promise to bring peace to both
el'ane and lupas alike will go unfulfilled."
When I opened my eyes again I saw that Kidera had returned to my side,
holding a coil of soft rope.
"I guess it's time...» I muttered as I nodded, «I can't say I'm
looking forward to it."
Kidera said nothing, but simply reached out for my reins. Stopping both
the horses, she dismounted quickly and graciously.
"I'll leave your legs free this time Hans," she said softly as she took
my hands in hers, placing them on the pommel, "it'll make it easier
when we arrive at the castle later."
Tightening the muscles in my hands and wrist as I gripped the pommel, I
remained quiet as Kidera slowly and carefully looped the rope around my
wrists. When she was finished she stood looking at me with a dark cloth
in her hands, indecision clearly marked in her face.
"Kidera..." I said carefully, considering every word, "I hope you
don't... don't plan on going back on your word?"
She looked at me for a few more heartbeats, then her head and ears
dropped slightly.
"No," she muttered, her voice so low I almost did not hear it, "I gave
you my word... Xaviera must accept that you can see where we're going."
Remounting her horse, she started leading mine after the others. The
road was winding itself up a hillside, before it climbed down again on
the other side. Kidera halted a second on the top, gesturing with her
hand towards the sight before my eyes.
"Enyo," she said with a touch of pride in her voice, "the capital of an
empire."
The city was larger than I had expected, and centred on a small hill.
Around the hill ran a fairly tall wall. On the outside of the wall the
building was chaotic, seemingly without any plan. Beyond the wall
however, things changed. On the top of a hill stood a large, sprawling
structure, thought no details could be seen in the now failing light.
Before I could ask Kidera whether it was the castle where my fate
awaited me, she started moving again.

27
I stood motionless and stared unseeing out of the window, my mind
replaying the events of the evening. From the room I had been placed
in, I could see nothing but the illuminated streets of the inner city,
but I knew that once beyond the walls, the streets turned into a
meandering maze. Stopping just short of the city to adjust the ranks,
Bantam had ridden up to me and pulled my hood over my head, masking my
features in shadow. When we reached the first of the low houses there
had been little reaction from the populace, but the further into the
city we had travelled more and more lupa had recognised Xaviera. By the
time we had reached the gateway to the inner city, the narrow streets
had been lined with lupas of all ages. For the most part they had been
silent, content to watch us ride past, but a few had raised their
voices and challenged Xaviera. For each lupa who had asked why their
fathers, their mothers, their sons, daughters, brothers or sisters had
not returned, Xaviera seemed to shrink. Feeling a pang of sympathy for
her, I thought about how many of my friends and colleagues who also had
had family. Hopefully they would at least have some remains to bury, to
help them get things over. For these lupas there could be no such
thing; the rift was closed and could not be opened again. I vividly
remembered seeing for the first time lupas that were clearly poor,
dressed in little more than rags, their tails and ears sagging, their
shabby fur stretched over their bony frames. But there had also been
well fed, well groomed lupas dressed in seemingly rich clothing,
visibly in contempt for their less lucky neighbours. In one short
afternoon, the empire Xaviera and Kidera represented had lost much of
its charm. I winced quietly as I recalled a young female, barely more
than a pup, scrawny but with her long black hair and black fur well
groomed. For some reason or other, she had reminded me of Frøya, the
dog I had owned when I was a boy. Once past the gate, the street had
grown wider and straighter. As we had ridden towards the castle, the
street turning alternately left and right, fewer of the clearly poor
lupas could be seen. I had glanced over at Bantam, remembering that he
had told me he had lived on the streets of Enyo. He seemed to be
working hard to keep his face free of emotions, and he had hid his tail
under his cloak. Before I could ask him how he felt about returning
home, the squat form of the palace lay before us. Xaviera had
disappeared almost at once, while Kidera had argued loudly with some
guards, apparently over where to place me. In the end she got her will,
and I was lead up instead of down. I shook my head and went over to the
bed, sitting down. They might place me somewhere spacious and light,
but I knew a cell when I was placed in one. The window was to narrow
and too high on the wall to serve as an exit, and faint sounds from the
door told me that at least two lupas stood guard there.
I suddenly awoke from my slumber by a weak light. Sitting up, I saw a
sight I was not at all prepared for. There, merely half a dozens feet
away, Brætàs was standing, seemingly with a lamp behind her. The
light shone through her fur, blurring the edges as if she was not quite
there. I carefully studied her, then forced myself to keep my voice to
a whisper.
"Brætàs?"
As if my voice was the signal she needed, she suddenly dropped to her
knees.
"Mercy I beg," she said, her voice quivering, "but help you can we
not."
She lowered her torso lower, so her forehead almost touched the floor.
I swallowed. When she had bent forward, she had placed her hands in
front of her, as if she wanted to support herself. The only problem was
that her hands had disappeared an inch or so into the stones of the
floor.
"Flatface angry be must?" she went on while I was trying to get a grip
of things, "Brætàs understands. Gri I beg, gri for tribe. Failed my
promise we have."
The though of sapient beings killing themselves for my sake was simply
too much. Gathering all my calm, I spoke a single word.
"No."
"Your will flatface. Die in shame we will, die like..."
Fighting to keep my voice steady, I interrupted her.
"Look at me," I instructed her, "look at me and tell me how your tribe
have failed, because I know of no such failure."
Slowly she raised her head until she could see my face, her dark eyes
studying me over her short muzzle.
"Flatface help asked for," she said softly, her voice near to breaking,
"but give it we cannot. Too far away you are."
"Then no failure can be blamed on you or your tribe," I told her after
considering her statements for some time, "no one may ask for more than
you can give."
She seemed confused by this, started to say something but stopped and
looked behind me at something I could not see.
"Time short grows," she muttered, "already two fainted."
I did not understand what she was talking about, but before I could ask
her she continued.
"If die for you we may not, live for you we must. Begging for your
return we are flatface. Prepared we are, high price or not..."
Brætàs started to fade from view, the light dimming. Within a few
heartbeats she was completely gone, as if she had never been there. I
sighted. Magic was clearly at play, but at least it meant that my
guesses about the medallion were right. Still, that did not improve
upon my situation. Lost in thoughts, I laid my head back on the soft
pillows and tried to go back to sleep.
As my mind surfaced again, I was once more among the giant threes. The
sky was dark, barely visible between the giant crowns of the threes,
and mist was covering the ground. I shivered with cold. Acting on
impulse, I started walking dead ahead. The forest was almost devoid of
undergrowth, but what placed my mind at unease was the almost complete
lack of sounds. Instead of the various small noises I was used to from
the woods around my home, the only thing I could faintly hear was the
creaking as the threes themselves moved slightly as if they were rocked
by a wind I could not feel. I called out once or twice, for no other
reasons than to hear my own voice. Then, on the very edge of my
hearing, I picked out a new sound among the slight creaking. Voices? If
it was, it was unlike the voice that usually bothered me in these
dreams. Moving my head about, I tried to get a fix on where the voices
had come from, then started moving towards them. Reaching a small hill,
rising out of the fog, I heard the voices again, clearer this time.
With the self-confidence that one can only achieve in a dream when one
know it to be a dream, I started walking up the hill. On the very
summit, a clearing had been made, the stumps where the threes had been
felled clearly visible. A small fire burned in the centre of the
clearing, and on the three-stump nearest the fire two beings sat, their
backs towards me. I squinted, trying to focus my sight. There was
something... then I saw it. One of the beings had a long, bushy tail,
swinging slowly from side to side. The other had a much shorter tail,
which seemed smooth from where I was standing. A lupa and an el'ane?
Side by side? I slowly walked closer, hoping to learn more, but having
taken no more than a few steps something hit me from behind, sending me
headlong onto the ground.
I awoke just as suddenly, finding myself face down on the floor. For
some reason I had a nagging feeling that whoever or whatever that was
causing these dreams, there was some sort of message hidden in them.
Seeing daylight shining through the narrow window, I sighted deeply,
then settled in to wait.
"Let it happen," I muttered to myself as I heard the guards talking to
someone outside the door, "I won't get any more ready for it than I'm
now."

28
Quickly I went over to the narrow window, my back against the door. As
I had no way of knowing who it was outside, I felt my resolution from
seconds before melt away like an ice cube in a blast-furnace. Gripping
the windowsill, I forced my body to stop trembling. If Brætàs could
not help me, the only defence I had was Kidera and Xaviera but I had no
way of knowing whether they would be willing to prevent someone from
harming me. At the sound of the bolt being pulled back I almost jumped.
Taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, I fought the urge to turn
around and see who it was. If it was Kidera or Dumare, Xaviera's sister
and empress of the lupa, showing that I trusted them could help me
later, even if it was no more than an act. If it was Bantam, I could
afford to keep my back to him for now. Whoever it was closed the door
softly and walked towards me, unshod feet making almost no sound.
A pair of hands was placed against my shoulder blades, and someone
leaned against my back. I felt a muzzle rub me between my shoulders,
and gripped the windowsill. My mind was reeling, trying to figure out
which lupa I had behind me. Bantam would probably never even consider
touching me like that, and I thought Xaviera's sister, if she even knew
I was here, was unlikely to rub herself against a stranger. Then it
could either be Kidera or Xaviera herself. Of the two, Xaviera might be
more inclined to snuggling, but Kidera wasn't above it if she thought
it might 'improve her standing' with me. Finally I judged it unlikely
to be Xaviera, considering how she had reacted when I told her I did
not like being bought.
"You are seems to be quiet and very tense today Hans. Anything I can do
to ease your mind?"
My heart almost stopped by the sound of the soft voice.
"I didn't expect you to come Xav," I said softly, "not after..."
I did not finish the sentence.
"Why shouldn't I visit my captive," she replied softly as she locked
her arms around my waist, pressing her body into mine, «to care for
his needs, and mine?»
"It's not that you shouldn't," I told her, trying to gently pull her
hands apart so I could get out of her grip, "it's just that I didn't
expect you."
"But I came, and I feel playful..." she said as she let go of my waist,
instead grabbing one of my arms, "and since it's the second fifthday of
Korin no one is going to interrupt us anyway."
Almost at once I noted her clothing. Instead of her armour, or the grey
cloak she had used while we travelled, she was wearing an armless shirt
and a skirt, both in some dark fabric that reflected the light almost,
but not quite, like silk. Her tail started wagging as she started
pulling on my arm, trying to move me in the direction of the bed.
Trying to stall for time, I spoke up as I grabbed the windowsill with
my free hand.
"What's so special about this day then?"
"It's the red day."
Xaviera's reply was offhandedly, obviously more intent on tugging on
my arm.
"Red day?" I said, bracing my foot against the floor and leaning
slightly backwards, «And what is that?»
"You don't know, do you?" Xaviera said, "Then again, how could you
possible know. It's the remembrance of the sack of Pantageon, so Dum is
down in one temple or another the whole day. She even halted the
meetings in council."
I took a small step forward to avoid getting my hand pulled off.
"Great," I muttered, "a whole new day in which to worry about what will
happen."
Xaviera stopped pulling my arm, her face turning serious as she looked
at me.
"Still nervous?"
Closing my eyes I sighted.
"The longer I wait, the worse it gets."
She stepped closer to me, but stopped a foot or so from me. Gingerly
she raised my hand to her face and stroked her muzzle against it.
"Maybe I can help you,» she said softly as she kept stroking my hand,
«get your mind on other things?"
Smiling slightly, I almost whispered in reply.
"I think I know far too well what you're talking about. And I haven't
changed my mind about it."
Dropping her tail, she looked away as she let my hand go. I cursed
silently.
"It's not that I don't want to Xav," I said softly as I placed my hand
under her muzzle and gently turned her head towards me, "but I feel
it's to early. To be totally honest I'm not sure if I want to or
not..."
I flashed her a quick smile as I continued
"It's no more than sixteen days since we crossed blades. If there had
been the slightest chance for going home, I would never have been as
friendly with you as I have been."
"You still think of us as enemies then?"
Xaviera spoke slowly, her voice thick as she stared into my face. Much
to my surprise I saw moisture gathering in her soft eyes. I shrugged.
"As far as I'm concerned," I said slowly, "there is a state of war
between the lupa Empire and the kingdom of Norway."
I absently scratched my growing beard, then continued as I placed my
hands on Xaviera's shoulders.
"I'm an officer in the Royal Norwegian Airforce. You, or rather Kidera,
managed to take me prisoner... so logically I must consider myself a
prisoner of war, even if you don't."
Xaviera tried to turn away from me, but I held her still.
"But know this Xaviera:» I said quickly, «I consider that the state
of war exists between our nations, not between the people that make up
the nations."
I repressed a shudder. With a single sentence I had come closer to what
I felt was treason than ever before, but it had done what I hoped it
would do. Xaviera's eyes lit up again and she breathed deeply.
"Then you don't hate me?"
"I've never hated you," I said as she put her arms around me again,
"I'm just trying to serve my country and keep my oaths."
"You make it hard to tell the difference sometimes," she said happily
into my chest, "but I know of duty and sworn oaths."
I sighted as she kept holding me, her tail wagging slightly, and tried
not to think of what more that I might have to endure in the name of
duty in the near future.
"You still don't look happy Hans," she said after a while, "and I want
you to be happy."
"I've figured that out the night before last Xav,» I said in a low
tone as I looked down into her face, «but I'm not good at seeing it.
Sometimes your attempts scare me, or I read something else into them."
Xaviera disentangled herself and took a small step backwards. Tilting
her head slightly, she looked me up and down. Then she shook her head a
couple of times, shaking her hair loose. The long white hair settled
down over her shoulders, contrasting nicely with the colour of her
clothing.
"Maybe you would lighten up if I brought you the rest of your food
again?"
I felt a smile grow on my face, and I nodded.
"If not, it would at least mean that I won't be hungry... but if you
want to make me feel better a razor would be a nice addition."
"Razor?"
"To get rid of this," I explained, indicating my beard, "and make me
feel more human."
Xaviera reached out and ran her fingers through my beard.
"I rather like it Hans... but if you had a ras... a razor among your
things I could bring it to you."
"My things?"
My ears perked up, not sure I had heard her right. Instead of answering
me at once she instead ran her fingers through my beard, tilting her
muzzle up so she could sniff at it.
"Your things," she said slowly after lowering her muzzle again, "we
brought everything you had on you or in your strange sack with us when
we rode here."
I was silent for a long time, my mind reeling from the news.
"Xaviera," I finally said, my voice barely above a whisper, "I want my
uniform back before I face your sister."
"Why?» she asked softly as she ran her hand over my chest, «The
clothes you're wearing are satisfactory."
I grabbed her hand and leaned towards her.
"I'm serious Xav. My uniform is more than just a layer of fabric
between the world and me; it's part of who and what I am. With it I
might face down your sister and your council knowing that if I fail, I
will go down as an officer."
Xaviera didn't reply, instead just staring at my hand clamped around
hers, the expression on her face unreadable. I wrestled with my
confidence and self-respect for some minutes, then lost.
"Look Xaviera," I pleaded, "it means very much for me. I'll even...
even..."
I looked towards the bed, leaving the rest of the sentence unsaid.
Whispering, sounding as her mind was a long way off, Xaviera replied
slowly, almost dreamily.
"Really? Can some clothes mean that much to you... so much you that you
will go against everything you have said so far?"
I took a deep breath, then let it out slowly while my mind raced.
Dressed as I was, I was nothing more than a captive from another world.
If I had my uniform, I would at least feel like a lieutenant, a
prisoner of war and, most importantly, more of the man I had been until
that fatal day when I had been the first to discover the invading
lupas.
"Yes," I said shamefully, "it really mean that much to me. I've been an
officer in the airforce for so long, I can't imagine being something
else."
Xaviera started walking towards the door, then turned towards me as she
placed her hand on the knob.
"I'll... I'll think about it Hans."
Saying nothing more she opened the door and was gone, leaving me
wondering shamefully if I had done the right thing.

29
After a quick meal, brought into the room I was locked up in by a
couple of troopers, I sat down on the bed and tried to make sense out
of what had just happened. On one side Xaviera obviously was not angry
with me anymore, on the other side I felt like I had sold one part of
myself to retain another. For some reason or other it made me feel
dirty all over, and I idly wondered if it had been wise. But, like my
decision to go with Xaviera and Kidera instead of joining up with
Brætàs, it could not be undone. I flopped down onto my back and
turned my attention towards what might lie ahead instead.
I awoke when someone sat down heavily on the bed. Remaining still, I
opened my eyelids a faction and looked around me. Was it Xaviera who
had returned, or was it someone else? The sun had moved, so most of the
room lay in shadows. As I was curled up on my side, still less of the
room could be seen. Still, there was no mistaking the pattering of
light and darker brown fur on the hand that was slowly moving towards
my side. I opened my eyes fully and looked at Kidera. She was focusing
on her hand, not seeing that I was awake. As she placed her hand
lightly on my side she let out her breath, and I realised she had been
holding her breath. She muttered something under her voice, her free
hand lying in her lap opening and closing. I cleared my throat, and she
pulled her hand away from me as if she had been burned. I slowly sat
up, pretending not to have noticed her hand.
"I usually don't sleep in the afternoons," I said, trying to sound
casual, "but I guess the journey have been more tiring than I thought."
Kidera got off the bed and walked over to the window.
"I wanted to send Bantam up," she said as she looked out, sounding
irritated, "but he has taken the day off to look for old companions in
the city."
I faked a yawn as I got out of the bed myself, and walked over to her.
"You make it sound as if you don't approve?"
Instead of giving me a direct answer, Kidera simply shrugged, then
turned towards me.
"Tell me Hans," she said, her voice having lost the edge it had a few
seconds before, "what did you tell Xav earlier today?"
"Why you ask?"
I looked at her, noticing how the last rays of the sun made her fur
shine, wondering what Xaviera might have revealed to her. Gingerly she
raised her hand and started tugging on the cord that closed the shirt I
was wearing. I was about to ask her again when I noticed the uncertain
look in her face, so instead I waited.
"I guess I want to know if I'm still in the competition,» she muttered
after a long time, «to put it that way. That's partly why I wanted to
send Bantam instead... so I would not have to see you before I could
get more out of Xav."
I felt a smile growing on my face.
"If there really is a competition, there is no winner yet."
Kidera's ears came back up, and her tail curled up behind her.
"I'm glad to hear it," she said as she quickly walked over to the door
and picked up a bundle, "for when Xav told me to give you these I
believed that she and you had made a deal."
She opened the bundle and spread the contents on the bed. I stepped
closer, and nearly shouted with joy. There, on the bed, lay my boots,
my trousers, the T-shirt and the jacket. Still within the bundle I saw
the socks, the green cap and the web-belt. I reached out and stroked my
hand over the familiar fabrics.
"I must admit that the heavy coverings you wore on your feet smells...
odd..."
Her voice had a tone I which I did not recognise, and her eyes
seemingly stared off into nothing, as if her mind was on other things.
Grinning, I did not bother to reply, as I was to busy staring on my
uniform to concentrate on anything else. The smell of sweat emerging
from the leather boots reminded me as much of home as everything else.
Picking up the shirt, I stared at it for a long time, all thoughts of
the future forgotten, as I was lost in the past. Finally I swallowed
the lump in my throat and looked up at Kidera.
"Would you mind turning away for a while Kidera?"
She looked at me curiously, then shook her head.
"I'll rather not," she said seriously, "I remember how you nearly
throttled Xav when we captured you. So I'll rather keep my eyes on
you."
Looking at her, I suspected that was not her sole reason, but I did not
voice my belief. Instead I turned my back towards her and stripped off
the grey clothing I had been wearing and started pulling my uniform on.
As I finished lacing my boots I buckled on my web-belt, then turned
around and smiled.
"Tell Xav that I'm grateful," I said warmly, "now I feel more like
myself again."
Kidera nodded, looking thoughtful.
"You look more alien wearing those clothes," she said slowly as she
walked over to me and felt the fabric between her fingers, "yet
strangely familiar."
"It's the way I was dressed when...» I pointed out, «when I reached
your bridgehead. That might be why it looks familiar."
Scratching herself behind her ears, Kidera cocked her head to one side
and fixed her eyes upon me.
"Maybe. What is a bridgehead?"
"The place where the rift touched my world... your gateway so to say."
She nodded slowly, then straightened her head.
"There is one more thing," she said hesitantly, "Xav asked me to tell
you this; 'No ties'."
Moving her hands as if to grab mine, she let them fall again.
"I guess that's what made me believe you had a deal with her... you
giving in to her in exchange for your clothes and the chance to go
unbound."
My mind raced. It might be that Kidera was right, and Xaviera wanted to
tell me that I was not to be tied up when I was brought before her
sister. On the other hand, it might be that she had meant 'no
obligations'. Quietly I hoped that it was the last interpretation that
was the right one. Outwardly however, I just gave a shrug.
"I know of no deal," I told Kidera, "so Xav must have her own reasons
for doing this."
Kidera opened her mouth as if to speak, then snapped it shut and turned
towards the door.
As Kidera was opening the door, I opened my mouth.
"One more thing I think you ought to know Kidera. I awoke the moment
you sat down on the bed."
Kidera looked at me for a long time, then slowly closed the door again.
I noticed her hands shaking slightly.
"You looked so different laying there," she said softly, "you reminded
me of the last time I saw Lodaka."
Her eyes grew misty with remembrance as she continued.
"It was just two days before the rift closed. He was to go into your
world, and I had brought him a small gift for good luck. But he was
sleeping, just like you was when I found you today, so I placed the
gift on his clothes and left without waking him up..."
Her voice cracked as she fell to her knees and placed her hands over
her eyes.
"I didn't wake him up Hans," she sobbed, her voice quavering, "and now
I will never see him again..."
Not saying a word, because I had none worth saying, I walked over too
her and put my hand around her shoulders, cradling her head against my
belly. Her sorrowful moans reopened old wounds I believed closed long
ago. After what felt like an eternity her sobs slowed, and she placed
her hands around me.
"I never got to tell him farewell," she whispered thickly, "and I never
got a chance to have him."
"I know how you feel," I muttered as I stared stroking her short brown
hair, "I never had a chance to tell my family how much I cared for
them. For all I know, they may have gone to meet the maker."
She did not reply, instead using my belt to haul herself up. Kidera
stood almost motionless scant inches in front of me, twisting her hands
in a nervous way in front of her chest.
"I... I don't want to make that mistake twice Hans," she whispered,
"and I have no idea what Dumare might order done to you in the
morning."
I ran my tongue over my suddenly dry lips. From Xaviera I could expect
something like this, but from Kidera? Sure, she had tried before, but
not like this. Not so quietly and filled with emotions. I clamped down
on the thoughts.
"No," I said softly as I looked down, wanting to hide my face, "if I
say no to Xav, I must say no to you as well. Otherwise I... I just
can't Kidera."
I abruptly turned away to hide the tears that started gathering in my
eyes.
"I can't say I understand," Kidera whispered, her voice clogged with
her emotions, "and right now I don't want to..."
I remained still until I heard the door open and then close again. Then
I flopped down on the bed and gave in to both old and new emotions.

30
I awoke early the next morning, having slept little and rested less. I
dressed quickly, and almost as an afterthought, wore the long grey
cloak on the outside of my uniform. Then I walked over to the window
and stood waiting, watching the city wake up. There was less lupas
moving in the streets than I had expected, but then I could only get a
clear view on the roadways closest to the castle. The rising sun meant
that most of what I could see was cloaked in shadow, but one feature
with seized my eyes was a couple of large structures halfway between
the castle I was locked up in and the wall. Standing close, they seemed
like mirror images of each other in everything but their colour. One
was white; the walls where the first rays of the sun struck shone as
flashlights. The other building was made of some dark grey stone, which
seemed to absorb the light. I kept looking at them, trying to figure
out what they were.
The sun had barely cleared the walls of the city as a soft knock was
heard from the door. I turned and faced the door, then said in a loud
voice:
"Yeah?"
The door was opened and Bantam came into the room, quickly turning his
head this way and that. I noted at once that he was dressed in his
armour, as if excepting trouble.
"This is a nice room Lieutenant," he said evasively, "much better than
the barracks I've been placed in."
I opened my mouth to speak, then closed it again. Was he trying to tell
me something? Perhaps that if I did not co-operate I might be moved to
someplace less nice? Making up my mind, I softly replied as I shrugged.
"A gilded cage is still a cage Bantam."
He nodded slowly, then walked over to the window and looked out.
"I think I know what you try to say Lieutenant. You are trapped in this
room because you're not allowed out," he said softly but with anger in
his voice, "just as I an trapped in this castle."
I studied his face for a few seconds. Tilting it forwards, so his
muzzle would not obscure his view, his eyes were darting around, as if
he was looking for something down in the city. Trying to keep my mind
of my own predicament for a while, I concentrated on his.
"I take it that Kidera didn't take to kindly to your little leave
yesterday?"
"She told you Lieutenant? Kidera is... special in many ways, but there
are some things she don't understand and more she don't know about."
Slowly the pieces started to fall into place.
"You never asked for leave yesterday, did you Bantam?"
"I asked alright," he muttered as he turned towards me, "but Kidera
would not listen."
Looking closer at him, I notices that one of his eyes were almost
swelled shut.
"She probably had her reasons for keeping you here," I told him while I
took a closer look at him trying to spot other injuries, "maybe for
your own protection."
Bantam shook his head as he pointed to his swollen eye with one finger.
"Is this what makes you think so Lieutenant? This is my reward for
coming back alive... this and a broken tail. Think of that the next
time she wants to snuggle."
I ignored his last comment, judging it to be caused by no more than his
own feelings towards Kidera.
"Well," I said vaguely, "it's another way of keeping discipline than
I'm used to."
After looking at me for a time he turned back towards the window.
"So what was so important that you had to risk Kidera's wrath?"
"I was spotted when we rode in Lieutenant," he said without hesitation,
"and if I had not come to see the pack I would never been allowed out
of Enyo alive."
My mind quietly pondered this piece of information. Had Bantam been
running with some sort of gang while he lived here? Drawing on my
experience I could not judge it for certain, but it was a plausible
explanation. Before I could ask him, he straightened up.
"The sun has cleared the temple of Leath,» he announced, «now we must
leave, as you're summoned to the Great Hall."
Without saying anything he walked over to the door and opened it,
beckoning for me to follow him. As we stepped through the door the two
troopers that had been standing guard on either side of the door pulled
their blades and fell in steps behind us. Bantam walked quickly, giving
me scant time to note my surroundings.
After walking for several minutes we reached a doorway, which differed
from every single one I had seen so far inside the castle. It was wide,
and instead of the flat lintel I had seen on the other doors, a tall
arch topped it. Beyond it lay a shadowy passage, through which a murmur
of voices could be heard. Guarding the doorway was two lupas, but
unlike any other troopers I had seen so far. Clearly female, they were
wearing contoured brass breastplates that followed their curves
closely. Under the breastplates they wore long red shirts of the same
silk like material that Xaviera had been wearing last time I saw her.
What really grabbed my attention thought was the fact that they were
more heavily armed than the troopers who had plodded behind us as we
had walked. Holding short spears, they both carried a sword and a
couple of knifes in belts tied around their waist. Leaned against the
wall behind them was a pair of crossbows, similar to the one Kidera had
tried to use against me on the day I was taken prisoner. As we
approached, Bantam in lead, they lowered their spears until the points
pointed straight at us. I suppressed a shudder. Raising his hand to
stop me and the troopers behind me, Bantam walked a couple of steps
toward the guards and showed them something he produced from the inside
of his jerkin. After some time, the guard on the left nodded.
"You will wait pup," she said, "I'll let you know when the package
shall be delivered."
Bantam just nodded, then turned and walked towards me.
"This is how far I'm allowed Lieutenant," he whispered, "once beyond
that arch lies the great hall, were one cannot go unless summoned be
the empress."
He turned and cast a glance at the doorway, which suddenly reminded me
of a carnivorous mouth. I pulled the hood further down my face.
"I must admit one thing Bantam," I whispered after a while, "I wants to
run away and hide underneath something.
 He did not reply at once, but lifted one hand up and scratched himself
behind one ear.
"If I had been summoned to the great hall..." he whispered after he had
lowered his hand again, "I think I would have wanted to do the same
thing."
He turned away from me, looking towards the two guards. The guard on
the left cocked her head slightly, as if listening to someone then
nodded to Bantam.
"Now pup," she said clearly, "send it inside."
Bantam gave her a slight nod in return, before he faced me.
"I guess I ought to wish you luck Lieutenant. Now I must leave and go
about... other tasks Kidera put me to. I hope I'll see you again,
you're different from other officers I've meet."
He paused, then gave a shrug before he walked slowly away. One of the
troopers behind me gave me a prod in the back with his sword. Feeling
panic rise, I played with the idea of bolting for a second. Then I took
one deep breath, forced down all emotions and started walking towards
the doorway. As I was about to step through, I halted and turned
towards the guard that had spoken. Behind me I heard the other guard
draw a blade.
"One little thing;» I said as I fought to keep my voice calm and
steady, «I don't like being talked about as if I'm not present."
Turning away from her shocked face, I took another step, then stopped
again, my fear for what lay ahead almost overwhelming me. After a
couple of deep breath I reached a conclusion I could live with.
"Hvis du ikke liker spillet," I said to myself, quoting one of me
instructors from boot camp, "så forandrer du på reglene."
I felt a determined smile grow on my face as I opened the clock and
dropped it on the floor. The smile grew wider as I heard both the
guards behind me gasp. Taking the cap from one of the pockets in my
uniform, I put it on and straightened up. Whatever I was going to face
at the end of this short hallway, I would try to face it as a human and
as an officer.

-+-+-+-

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